Good Life Project – “The Science of Getting Unstuck: Simple Tools That Actually Work”

Guest: Britt Frank | Host: Jonathan Fields
Date: September 18, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode features neuropsychotherapist and author Britt Frank exploring the real roots of feeling “stuck” in life, how it is often misunderstood, and most importantly, what actually works to get unstuck. Drawing from her book, The Getting Unstuck Workbook, Britt shares both science and personal stories, providing practical, compassionate, and sometimes contrarian advice for addressing procrastination, self-criticism, and resistance to change. The discussion reframes “stuckness” not as a personal failing but as a physiological, systemic state of shutdown and offers specific tools for metabolizing difficult emotions, renegotiating our relationship to our “inner parts,” and moving forward in work, relationships, and self-growth.

Key Topics & Insights

1. Defining “Stuckness” (04:46–09:52)

• Stuckness is not simply a lack of motivation. It’s the mismatch between what we say we want and what we actually do—even if our external life appears “nice” and desirable.
• Britt’s definition: Stuckness arises when basic needs and safety are met, but there’s no logical reason for the gap between intent and action.
• Subjective vs. objective choices: Sometimes we can’t see our choices due to overwhelm or dislike of the available options.

Quote:
“Stuck to me is I have choices and there's no logical reason why. There's the mile long gap between what I say I want and what I find myself doing.” — Britt Frank [05:11]

2. Stuckness as a Physiological State, Not a Trait (09:52–12:24)

• Stuckness is NOT about being lazy or broken. It’s a “physiological state of shutdown,” not a character flaw.
• Fight, flight, freeze: The freeze response is specifically a physical “stuck” that you can’t just think your way out of.
• Metaphor: Emergency brake in a car—you don’t move forward unless it’s disengaged.

Quote:
“Stuckness is a physiological state of shutdown... The freeze response in your brain is a physical state of stuckness that you can't think your way out of...” — Britt Frank [10:23]

3. Trauma, Brain Indigestion, and Stuckness (15:10–19:34)

• Trauma is misunderstood; trauma is anything that exceeds your brain’s processing capacity (“brain indigestion”), and it causes literal stuckness.
• One can address trauma—and become unstuck—even without unearthing every repressed memory. Healing is about connecting with all parts of oneself, not just retelling the story.

Quote:
“Trauma by definition is when anything exceeds your brain's processing capacity. So anything that's too much, too fast, too soon, or not enough, I call it...brain indigestion.” — Britt Frank [15:34]

4. Safety, the Brain’s “Safety Team,” and Systemic Factors (24:48–26:32)

• Many try to solve for symptoms, when what’s needed is solving for safety—emotional as well as physical.
• The brain constantly scans for (often irrational or historical) danger; stuckness may be a safety response, not simply preference or willpower.
• Systemic barriers (e.g. lack of trauma-informed care) can exacerbate stuckness and it’s not always a personal failing.

Quote:
“Our brain has an entire team...their job is to scan the environment every second of the day...looking for things that feel familiar, smell familiar, look familiar. And not everything is going to trigger the safety team, but anything can.” — Britt Frank [24:57]

5. Rethinking “Procrastination” (30:39–34:42)

• Procrastination is often not about laziness—it’s a safety mechanism, a self-protective response to perceived threats (which may or may not be logical).

Quote:
“Procrastination is a self-protective adaptation to a perceived threat...if there's no logical reason why you're not answering the email...it's safe to default to your brain safety mechanisms.” — Britt Frank [30:58]

The Four Ps of Procrastination (38:04)

1. Prevents Danger
2. Prevents Discomfort
3. Promotes Connection (belonging through shared struggle)
4. Points toward Problems (signals issues in need of attention)

6. Practical Tools: Micro-Yeses and Action Steps (35:11–37:45)

• Change is threatening to the safety-seeking brain, so action steps must be minuscule (micro-yeses) to bypass internal resistance.
• Example: For getting fit, the first step might just be putting one shoe by the door, not running a mile.

Quote:
“Micro yeses are not the pace that you stay at, they're the pace that you start at....What we want to do is build up that reservoir of 'I can do the thing, I did the thing.'” — Britt Frank [35:11]

7. Multiplicity of Mind & Internal Dialogue (43:22–48:54)

• We all have an “internal family” or table of parts—different voices, feelings, and impulses.
• True progress comes from dialoguing with these parts, not judging or banishing them, but understanding what each part is trying to do for you (usually, protectively).

Quote:
“If you don't know that everyone has multiple personalities, you're going to feel absolutely beside yourself when they all start fighting with each other...Our minds are made of parts. It's scary to think of yourself as multiple personalities. But it makes all of the chatter make sense.” — Britt Frank [43:50]

• Tools:
  • List your internal “characters”
  • Invite them to a metaphorical “meeting,” ask each about their needs and intentions
  • Use negotiation/business books for models of internal dialogue

8. Self-Compassion (53:26–56:17)

• Compassion for all our parts (not just “self”) is essential—recognizing how our behaviors made sense given circumstances, not as a way of excusing harm, but providing insulation so we can face uncomfortable truths without being overwhelmed by shame.
• Compassion enables honesty and sustainable change.

Quote:
“What we need is not self compassion. What we need is parts compassion and starting to understand the origin of how these parts came to be. It's really hard to not have compassion on a part once you understand its story.” — Britt Frank [53:47]

9. Boundaries and Relationships (58:03–61:19)

• Boundaries are not about controlling others, but about defining your own choices in response to their actions.
• Enforcing boundaries often brings discomfort and may, at times, lead to the end of relationships—but is essential for personal agency and getting unstuck.

Quote:
“A boundary is not me telling you what you should do. A boundary is me deciding what my choices are in response to your behavior. So boundary is just a synonym, a fancy one, for choice.” — Britt Frank [59:03]

10. The Role of Play and Possibility (61:38–64:54)

• Play is not just for children; it is a “biological imperative” vital for creativity, problem-solving, nervous system health, and getting out of ruts.
• Resistance to play is rooted in social judgment and internalized beliefs—but meaningful, goal-free play can transform productivity and wellbeing.

Quote:
“Play is a biological imperative, not something reserved for children... Play being defined as activity that's done with no particular objective or purpose, just because it's fun.” — Britt Frank [62:08]

11. The “Good Life” – Integrating All The Parts (65:13)

• Living a good life means cultivating connection and compassion for all your “parts”—not just chasing external achievements or suppressing uncomfortable inner experiences.

Quote:
“To live a good life is to know and love all your parts. Have access to as many parts as possible while you're alive to get to know them.” — Britt Frank [65:13]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You can't change yourself by shaming yourself. We'd all be good to go if that were the case.” — Britt Frank [56:17]
• “You cannot be in a curiosity state and a shutdown state at the same time.” — Britt Frank [50:25]
• Metaphor: Comparing anxiety to a check engine light—not the problem, but a signal [13:28].
• “Adults who refuse to play will generally find themselves stuck in multiple areas for an extended period of time.” — Britt Frank [62:08]
• “Turning your inner critic into a constructive coach is useful.” — Britt Frank [52:35]
• "Stuck becomes kind of a safe place where I can compress all my big feelings that are very distressing and uncomfortable and I could squish them down and say, well, I'm stuck and there's clearly nothing I can do about it... and that's just not true." — Britt Frank [28:44]

Practical Tools Highlighted

• Micro-Yeses: Take the smallest possible step to get moving.
• Internal Parts Meetings: View your mind as a “team” and listen to each part’s needs (“hold a daily business meeting” with yourself).
• Curiosity over Judgment: Get curious about each part/impulse instead of shaming or fighting it.
• Journaling: Write down your internal “cast of characters” to develop awareness and compassion.

Summary Table of Important Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |---------------------------------|-------------| | Defining “stuck” | 04:46–09:52 | | Physiology, not character | 09:52–12:24 | | Trauma & stuckness | 15:10–19:34 | | Solving for safety | 24:48–26:32 | | Procrastination reframed | 30:39–34:42 | | Micro-yeses/action strategies | 35:11–37:45 | | Multiplicity of mind | 43:22–48:54 | | Self/parts-compassion | 53:26–56:17 | | Boundaries & relationships | 58:03–61:19 | | Play & possibility | 61:38–64:54 | | What is a good life? | 65:13 |

Closing Thought

This episode reframes “stuckness” as a universal, fundamentally human experience that calls for understanding, nervous system awareness, self-compassion, and playful experimentation—not shame, hustle, or self-condemnation. If you’ve ever felt trapped by your own patterns, Britt Frank offers both the validation and the practical next steps to move forward.

“To live a good life is to know and love all your parts.” — Britt Frank [65:13]