AMOL RAJAN: Why We Should Never Take the People We Love for Granted | GREAT MOMENTS

Summary

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Great Company with Jamie Laing

Episode: Amol Rajan – Why We Should Never Take the People We Love for Granted | GREAT MOMENTS

Release Date: June 21, 2026
Host: Jamie Laing
Guest: Amol Rajan

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Episode Overview

This special “Great Moments” episode features an intimate and moving excerpt from Jamie Laing’s conversation with Amol Rajan—journalist, broadcaster, and friend—as Amol opens up about the loss of his father and the lessons grief has taught him. The discussion is raw and honest, offering reflections on family, regret, resilience, and the universal, yet deeply personal, nature of losing loved ones. The episode’s central message is a poignant reminder: never take for granted the people you love.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Personal Shock of Loss and the Story We Tell Ourselves

[02:58–05:18]

• Amol shares how his father’s illness and death came as a total shock, recounting the circumstances—his father’s aversion to doctors, decline with pneumonia, and the five harrowing weeks in intensive care during the Omicron wave when visits weren’t allowed.
• The emotional anchor of his personal narrative was upended:

  “It’s the story that I told myself about myself. And when that story goes, you got to tell yourself a new story. And that’s really hard when you’re 38, as I was when he died.” — Amol Rajan [02:58]

• Amol reflects on the rawness and loneliness he still feels, visiting places filled with memories:

  “There’s just a picture of my dad and he’s smiling and there’s something about that which I just, it kills me, man, it kills me.” — Amol Rajan [04:11]

2. Grief: Shock, Regret, and Preparation

[05:18–07:48]

• Amol sees it as important to talk openly about grief to help others, especially as it’s often even harder and more consuming than anticipated:

  “Your parents are going to die, man. And it’s going to be…a million times worse than you think it’s going to be. And you have to get ready for it.” — Amol Rajan [05:13]

• The only preparation for such grief is minimizing regret, which means saying what you need to say and doing what you want to do with loved ones while they’re still here:

  “If there are things that you want to do with your parents and you’re lucky enough to have your parents around, you’ve got to do those things. They are top priority… It’s the height of arrogance to think your parents will be around forever.” — Amol Rajan [06:32]

3. Living with Grief: Time, Memory, and Triggers

[07:48–08:59]

• Amol describes how time softens grief but never truly erases it. He uses poignant family objects—his dad’s shoehorn and comb—to illustrate how the smallest things can trigger waves of emotion.

  “Grief can come back from anywhere... It could be a little trigger. Like, my dad was the only person I’ve ever met because he was an old Indian man who used a shoehorn… and there’s a shoehorn and it killed me. And a comb. ” — Amol Rajan [07:48 & 09:33]

• He touches on the universality and particularity of grief:

  “Grief is this weird thing in that it’s completely universal… But it’s also particular. Every grief is a grief for a particular relationship.” — Amol Rajan [08:00]

4. The Limits of Preparation and the Work of Grief

[08:59–10:59]

• Both Jamie and Amol reflect on the impulse to fix problems and prepare for challenges, and how grief is fundamentally different.

  “You can prepare yourself into everything that you do… but you can’t prepare yourself for grief.” — Jamie Laing [09:32]

• Amol builds on this, explaining that grief cannot be solved with effort or hard work:

  “You can work really hard. And that—hard work gives you confidence. Grief. Grief’s not like that.” — Amol Rajan [09:35]

5. Saying Goodbye and Family Legacy

[10:59–14:37]

• Amol was unable to properly say goodbye due to Covid restrictions and the hospital setting.
• He shares the importance of family and legacy, discussing his father’s incredible intellect and sacrifices—especially as the only one of 11 siblings to leave India, but who put family ahead of his own academic ambitions.

  “There’s a stanza in Gray’s elegy… ‘But Knowledge to their eyes her ample page, Rich with the spoils of time, never did unroll. Chill Penury repressed their noble rage, And froze the genial current of the soul.’ … That pursuit of knowledge, which brought him halfway across the world because he wanted his kids to get a great education. That’s what University Challenge embodies. And so I feel… I kind of fulfilled some of his sacrifice and yet he wasn’t there to see it. And that sucks, man.” — Amol Rajan [13:36]

6. Regret, Guilt, and the Gift of Time

[14:37–18:34]

• Jamie confesses guilt over years lost to neglecting his parents, learning too late how essential family is:

  “But I now realize this family is just everything.” — Jamie Laing [15:16]

• Amol reframes guilt by emphasizing the privilege of having time to repair and connect:

  “Let me just take out this absolutely amazing gift I’ve got for you. Here it is… It’s called time with your dad.” — Amol Rajan [16:39]

• Jamie and Amol discuss the difficulty of apologizing, and how having hard, honest conversations with loved ones is crucial to minimizing regret before it’s too late.

7. Carpe Diem: No Regrets

[18:34–19:08]

• Jamie draws an analogy from his youth about regretting not kissing a girl—how fear leads to regret, which applies exponentially more to relationships with family.

  “It’s my metaphor for life, like… I was fearing rejection, failure… and it would have been over with… I don’t want to ever regret something I’ve never done. So, I’m gonna go and try and do everything.” — Jamie Laing [18:45]

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On the universality and particularity of grief:

  “Every grief is a grief for a particular relationship.” — Amol Rajan [08:00]

• On regret and family:

  “It’s the height of arrogance to think your parents will be around forever.” — Amol Rajan [06:46]

• On the limits of hard work:

  “Grief. Grief’s not like that. It’s not something where you’re like, you know what today?...I work really hard at my grief.” — Amol Rajan [09:35]

• On the unpredictability and triggers of grief:

  “You look at a shoehorn or a comb… and it killed me.” — Amol Rajan [09:32]

• On seizing opportunities with loved ones:

  “If anyone listening to this, if you’ve got the chance to chat to your parents before they go about the stuff that matters, do it.” — Amol Rajan [18:26]

• On family as the foundation:

  “Family is just everything in so many beautiful ways.” — Jamie Laing [15:16]

• On the gift of presence:

  “Here it is. I’ve got this gift… It’s called time with your dad.” — Amol Rajan [16:39]

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [02:58] – Amol begins to share the story of his father’s illness, passing, and its impact.
• [05:18–06:46] – The reality and depth of grief, and minimizing regret.
• [07:48] – Personal objects as triggers for grief; shoehorn and comb.
• [09:32–10:59] – Discussing the impossibility of “fixing” or preparing for grief.
• [11:03–12:38] – Hospital restrictions and inability to say goodbye.
• [12:38–14:37] – The Thomas Gray poem and Amol’s father’s thwarted pursuit of knowledge.
• [16:39] – The metaphorical "gift" of time with Jamie’s dad.
• [18:26] – The necessity of honest conversations to avoid future regret.
• [18:45–19:08] – Jamie’s “kiss metaphor” for regret and living life boldly.

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Overall Tone and Takeaways

The conversation is raw, compassionate, and deeply human. Both Jamie and Amol are refreshingly unguarded, swapping stories of guilt, regret, love, and the eternal importance of family. The episode does more than chronicle personal grief—it becomes a call to action: connect, forgive, say what needs to be said, and never take for granted the time and people we’re given.

Recommended for: anyone experiencing loss, struggling with family relationships, or needing a reminder to cherish loved ones while there's still time.

Transcript

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[Amalrajan]

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[Amalrajan]

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[Jamie Laing]

Hello everyone, I'm Jamie Laing and this is Great Moments. Hey guys, welcome back. Yesterday was my first ever Father's Day. So congratulations to me and all the dads out there. And it got me thinking about my conversation with the brilliant Amarajan. Okay, I knew this was the perfect great moment to share with you today. Now you know Amal as a journalist, a broadcaster, a podcaster, presenter of a university challenge, and also a friend of mine. And when Amal came on Great Company, we had one of the most honest and moving conversations I've ever had on the podcast. Truthfully, in this great moment, he opens up about losing his dad and shares what he has learned from grief. So if you like what you hear, you can check out the full episode in the show notes below. Just go and click on it. But here it is our next episode of Great Moments with Amalrajan. Your relationship with your dad is so thick for you right in in so many Incredible ways.

[Amalrajan]

And it's the story that I told myself about myself. And when that story goes, you got to tell yourself a new story. And that's really hard when you're 38, as I was when he died, my dad, the thing about it was that was so shocking. So I didn't think he was going to die. I, I, he was 76, annoying, had that slightly kind of elder sort of tedious thing where he hated medicine and doctors and he had type 2 diabetes and out of nowhere he got pneumonia and he went in and he went into intensive care for five weeks. And it was the worst five weeks of my life. And at the end it looked like he was getting a bit better. It was a time of omicron, so he couldn't visit. And that was the thing that was so hard about it. And suddenly all of the crap for five weeks, the infections he was getting, the tubes, the pipes, his kidneys weren't working and it was all too much. He had a catastrophic heart attack. And if I'm honest. Yeah, that was three years ago last week. It's still really, really raw, you know. And last Friday I went to the place in Chiswick in West London where I first came in this. I was born in India and lived in Chiswick from the age of three to seven. I went with my mum and we looked at this house and we talked about all the memories of being there and it was incredible. And then I went back to Tooting and there's, which is where my parents house is, South London. And there's just a picture of my dad and he's smiling and there's something about that which I just, it kills me, man, it kills me. And you know, my dad was, you know, I think we'd nowadays probably medicalize it and say he was depressed for years. He was a downbeat guy, an introvert. But there's something about when someone is your dad and they're a downbeat person and you have kind of private access to them smiling. There's something about when they smile at you. It's so overwhelming. And you. Yeah, I went to pieces. And if I'm honest, you know, it's a weird thing to know how blessed and how lucky you are. You know, I've won the lottery so many times in my life and all the big things, I'm paid really well, I have a fantastic job and yet to feel in a bit of a funk and I was so unprepared for grief and I've been in such a pit of grief for Such a long time. And one of the things that I really want to do by talking about it is, is to tell other people that this is coming. Your parents are going to die, man. And it's going to be. You think it's going to be bad, it's going to be a million times worse than you think it's going to be. And you have to get ready for it.

[Jamie Laing]

I don't think I'm prepared for that.

[Amalrajan]

You can't prepare for it, but the one thing you can do, which I know you've talked about a bit, is you can make sure that you minimize the regret. And what do you mean by that? Well, you say the things you need to say. A couple of years ago, before my dad died, I decided to go on a little walk with my dad and I asked him some really basic questions. You know, dad, are you happy with how things have turned out? Do you feel like the sacrifices you and mum made in coming to this country, you know, he was 41, the age I am now, when he ripped himself away from kind of everything that was familiar and beloved. You know, do you feel it came out? And, you know, my dad didn't say, you know what, son, I'm proud of you, and it was absolutely justified. But he kind of intimated that. And I'm so glad I did that walk. And there are certain places I wanted to go with him. You know, I've got a son called Winston. Me and my dad were both very interested in Churchill. I really wanted to go to the house in Kent where Churchill spent most of his life with him. I didn't get to do that. And so if there are things that you want to do with your parents and you're lucky enough to have your parents around, you've got to do those things. They are top priority because, you know, it's the height of arrogance to think your parents will be around forever. But, yeah, I've been in a complete funk, really, for three years. And people see, don't they? They see. They see kind of you. They see you on University Challenge, they hear you on the Today program or on a podcast, and they see he's a pretty upbeat guy. And what they don't see is that internally, you're trying to write a new story, you're trying to kind of tell yourself that this is why you do it, and you're trying to tell yourself what there is to live for in the absence of your dad. You know, if people listening to this are going through grief, I'd say you've Got it. There's a thing that Johnny Bestow, the England cricketer. Right. I get all my moral tips from cricket players. Johnny Bestow is absolute legend. Amazing guy. His dad died by suicide when Johnny Bears. There was eight. He talked about how when you're going through grief, he said, you just got to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Just keep. Just keep buggering on, as Churchill said. And I sort of feel like people need to know that time will change things. It will soften the grief. It will change. It will stop being so raw. You know, you might suddenly go five hours of a day without thinking about that person. You might suddenly go to bed, wake up and not have dreamt about him. I remember the first time I woke up and thought, oh, my God, I've not dreamt about Dad. I must be moving on. But also, grief can come back from anywhere. It could be a little trigger. Like, my dad was the only person I've ever met because he was an old Indian man who used a shoehorn. You know, when you could put. You like to get so you don't die. Because he was so poor growing up, he thought if you get a pair of shoes from Marks and Spencer, it's like £25 back in the days, like, you don't want to mess up the thing, so you use a shoehorn. And I went to his.

[Jamie Laing]

That's such a beautiful image.

[Amalrajan]

Old Indian men of my dad's generation love to shoehorn because they didn't want to, you know, they wanted the shoe to last. My dad was so proud if he got a shoe from Marks and Spencer. And, like, it lasted for, like 15 years. And, like, I mean, I feel ashamed. I get traders all the time. And so street grief is like. It can come out from anywhere. And also grief is this weird thing in that it's completely universal. You're going to go through it and, you know, God, I hope we can talk when you do. But it's also particular. You know, every particular. Every grief is a grief for a particular relationship. And so you. You can't prepare for it. But the thing that you got to do if you've got the relationship with your dad that I had, where my dad was kind of my story, you know, born into extreme poverty, gave up everything, everything. Came to this country, dreamt that his children would do well. And I wanted to make him proud. And when the person that you want to make proud is dead, you've got to work out why you get up in the morning and I'm sort of doing that, you know, I'm actively doing it now, partly coming here, talking to such an inspirational dude.

[Jamie Laing]

It's.

[Amalrajan]

It's all the same, you know, I'm trying to work out what it's all about. And I do know the answer. You know, I know about the meaning of life and I know why I live. But it's. It's hard work.

[Jamie Laing]

I definitely fall into that sort of category where I'm a fixer trying to fix things the whole time, and I think you probably do, too. You could fix it. I'll do that. I'll sort that out. I'll do that. I can do that. I can do that. Whatever. And when you can't fix something, that's very hard, and then when you're not distracting yourself and you're sitting in that place, which is grief, and you. You don't know how. And also, you can prepare yourself to do that leg spin ball. You can prepare yourself to be an editor, you can pay yourself to be a broadcaster. You can prepare those things. And I think you are. You prepare yourself into everything that you do. You listen to this podcast, probably because you were new coming on and you listened to it and things like that. You can't prepare yourself for grief.

[Amalrajan]

No.

[Jamie Laing]

Because that's an emotion you can't understand until it happens.

[Amalrajan]

And also, you can't work harder at it with, you know, playing cricket or being a broadcaster or whatever. You can work really hard. And that. Hard work. Hard work gives you confidence. Grief. Grief's not like that. It's not something where you're like, you know what today? Do you know what It's. It's Tuesday morning. I think what I'll do, I'll go and chat to Jamie, and I work really hard at my grief. He's like, no, no. You look at a shoehorn or a comb. My dad. Such an irony. My dad, bald as anything, always combed his hair. Combed his hair at the side. It's like. It's not that much hair, especially at the top. It's like, why are you combing your hair, dude? It's like, you haven't got any hair. If you. I mean, or maybe you do, but that's a hell of a parting you've got there, you know, but you comb it down the side. And who do you know that's got a haircut? I mean, I don't know. I've never known any one that's got a comb. And I went to his top drawer last week. Last Friday, it was a third anniversary. I looked at this picture of him and I cry my guts out. And I went to his room and there's a little kind of devotional prayer area, which is we often have in Indian heritage. And I opened his drawer, which I've not dared to look at, and there was a shoehorn and it killed me. And a comb. And I just remember thinking, why did he comb his hair? You know, he didn't have any hair, you know. And I'm like, yeah, you can't, you can't work at that, man. You can work at everything else. You can work at building a company, you can work at being a better conversationalist, you can work at everything. But, yeah, grief, you just got to let time do its thing, I think.

[Jamie Laing]

Did you say goodbye to him?

[Amalrajan]

No. And the thing that. One of the things that upsets me most is that, yeah, there's five weeks where, yeah, because it was Covid and Omicron and so many people who had ill relatives in that period, particularly elderly relatives, will know visiting times were like really screwed up. So you had to like book it in with this. There was this wonderful nurse who's like just. She had like an iPad schedule and you'd get to talk to him on an iPad. And he. Because he went into a coma, he never really came round, so he didn't really get to talk to him and he moved to this other ward. And I remember saying to my son, watching some God awful tv, I remember saying to my son, by the way, Granddad's getting better. And my son was on some. He was. He's a bit of a chat box and he was ranting about something and as I said this, he just stopped and went, yes, and I tell you, meantos meant so much to me, man, that really meant so much to me because in that moment I knew that he had a relationship with my dad. And yeah, just sucks that after that he didn't get to get to see him. And the funeral itself, even more painful than the day he died. There's a famous poem called Elegy written in the country churchyard, which I can do mostly by, mostly verbatim. It's all about the kind of nobility and brilliance of the poor. And I can do it verbatim and I always wanted to make sure I delivered it without having to look at the notes. But on the day I just went to complete pieces and in a way that was when I said goodbye, when I kind of read this poem to him.

[Jamie Laing]

What is the poem? So I'm getting like, this is.

[Amalrajan]

Oh, mate, the poem is Thomas Gray. And at Stoke Poges in Buckinghamshire, which is in a churchyard, Thomas Gray, this is mid 18th century, looks at all these gravestones. And he basically does this long poem where he talks about how history shouldn't forget the bravery and the brilliance of these people. And there's a particular stanza where my dad. The story of my dad's life, which is why it's so ironic that I present University Challenge. So my dad was a genius. He was, like, off the scale, clever and. But my dad was so. He's one of 11 children. He had six sisters, and he was extraordinarily clever. He's the only one of the 11 that left India. But he couldn't pursue his academic ambitions because he had to get his sisters married. You know, this is 60s and 70s India. And so he asked his father if he could pursue a, you know, further studies. His father slapped him around quite a bit and said, you got to get your sisters married. But there's a very particular stanza which is the most important to me where he talked about Chilled Pinuri, because chilled penury, like extreme poverty, stopped him doing what he wanted, and it stopped him pursuing knowledge with a capital K. And there's a stanza in Gray's elegy where he says, but knowledge to their eyes, her ample page, rich with the spoils of time, never did unroll. Chill Pinuri repressed their noble rage and froze the genial current of the soul. And that idea that one standard combines the knowledge with a capital K and chill Pinuri. And, you know, I would have just loved to. University Challenge, which I am so proud to do, is about knowledge with a capital K. And that pursuit of knowledge, which brought him halfway across the world because he wanted his kids to get a great education. That's what University Challenge embodies. And so I feel that by presenting that program, which I would, you know, work really hard at, I want to do really well, want to do for a long time, if I'm lucky. I feel like I kind of fulfilled some of his sacrifice and yet he wasn't there to see it. And that sucks, man.

[Jamie Laing]

Thank you for sharing that. Dude, honestly, again. Ah, man.

[Amalrajan]

Mate, thank you for bringing out. I'm rambling, man. No. Are you kidding me?

[Jamie Laing]

Keep rambling. Are you kidding? This is everything. But it's so. It's beautiful, right?

[Amalrajan]

That.

[Jamie Laing]

That. Firstly, it's so beautiful that you have that relationship with your father. Yeah, like, I would try that, man. Like, are you kidding me?

[Commercial Narrator]

For.

[Jamie Laing]

For so many years in my twenties, I just. I just ignore my parents And I was just a. And I just, you know, I miss Christmases because I want to do more fun things and I just didn't do anything.

[Amalrajan]

And you still got time, man. Yeah, I know, but still got time, you know, repair it.

[Commercial Narrator]

But.

[Jamie Laing]

But I. But I now realize this family is just everything.

[Amalrajan]

It's.

[Jamie Laing]

It's completely everything in so many beautiful ways. And I think anyone listening, just take note, right, Because I can't remember who we were chatting to, but someone said, life a little bit at the moment feels temporary at this age. Like, my parents were invincible. Exactly 10 years ago, they were invincible.

[Amalrajan]

They're like these enormous trees in the forest. When they're growing up, they're huge.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah.

[Amalrajan]

And then suddenly you're like, oh, they're gonna go, mate, your parents are gonna.

[Jamie Laing]

I know. And that for me. And it feels. It feels temporary now for whatever reason.

[Amalrajan]

So if I called you tomorrow and said, jamie, I'm really sorry, but that's got cancer and he's got three months to live, what would you do?

[Jamie Laing]

Fuck, you got me. So I would probably say to him, I have. I have huge guilt towards my dad.

[Amalrajan]

Well, mate, you've still got time to fix things, you know, You've still got time to fix things. You know, you've won the lottery, Right? Listening to you and seeing how you feel about it, like, it's obviously incredibly important. That guilt that you feel towards your dad is obviously a very big part of how you think about your relationship with him. Let me just. From.

[Jamie Laing]

From.

[Amalrajan]

From my pocket. Let me just take out this absolutely amazing gift I've got for you. Here it is. I've got this gift. Look on the table. It's called time with your dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there is. Right, You've got it. You've got it. Most people don't have that time with their dad. Yeah, you've got it.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah. And the reason why I had that is because. I sort of had a narrative in my. Look, my parents got divorced.

[Amalrajan]

And you've sort of come to understand that as you get older.

[Jamie Laing]

And I think that I. Jesus Christ. I've never spoken about this. What the hell's going on?

[Amalrajan]

Well, maybe he's going to listen to

[Jamie Laing]

this, and I hope he doesn't, because. I don't know. But I feel guilt because I blamed him for a lot. It wasn't his fault.

[Amalrajan]

Maybe it was his fault.

[Jamie Laing]

It wasn't as much as I thought it was. And, you know, I said things and.

[Amalrajan]

Yeah, but you said sorry to him.

[Jamie Laing]

No, no, I said I love him.

[Amalrajan]

Well, why have you not said sorry to him? Mate, do it, man. If you think. If. Hang on. It's got to be sincere. It's got to be.

[Jamie Laing]

I'm so sorry. Because. Because it would be admitting to myself that I was just a bit of an idiot for a long time.

[Amalrajan]

You just admitted it to me.

[Jamie Laing]

I know, but it's easier. Don't know why.

[Amalrajan]

The fact that it's easier makes it even more important you do it to your dad. Listen, if you are. If you do feel guilt and you feel you want to say sorry to your dad, what an amazing conversation to have. If anyone listening to this, if you've got the chance to chat to your parents before they go about the stuff that matters, do it. Because I tell you, I mean, you said this. You said this in your chat with pj, towards the end, when you're talking about how it's like it was with the girl that you didn't kiss.

[Jamie Laing]

Oh, yeah.

[Amalrajan]

And then you were like, I should have just. I should have just kissed her. Yeah, I should have just kissed her. Because the regret later, what happened? You didn't kiss.

[Jamie Laing]

I didn't kiss her. And then it was my.

[Amalrajan]

So then you told yourself, she's like, what are you doing? I'm just gonna kiss again.

[Jamie Laing]

You've been. It's my metaphor for life, though, right? It's my metaphor for life, like. And I've always lived by this. Is that the regret I felt? But by not kissing her, I was like, what was I. I was fearing rejection, failure, all these different things, and it would have been over with and who would get. So I thought, well, I'm never gonna. I'm never. I don't want to ever regret something I've never done. So I'm gonna go and try and do everything.

[Amalrajan]

Well, the conversation with your dad is like a billion times more important than not kissing that girl, who, by the way, I feel sorry for her, man. She missed out on a kiss with Jamie Lang. A young Jamie was ready to smooch over. With the all new Audi Q3. The answer is always yes. Yes to adventure, yes to escape, yes to right now. The all new Audi Q3 made for the yes, life.

[Commercial Narrator]

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