ASHLEY ROBERTS: BEING IN THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS ALMOST KILLED ME

Summary

Great Company with Jamie Laing – Episode Summary

Episode Title: ASHLEY ROBERTS: BEING IN THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS ALMOST KILLED ME
Release Date: July 15, 2025
Host: Jamie Laing
Guest: Ashley Roberts
Producer: Jampot Productions

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Introduction

In this heartfelt and insightful episode of Great Company with Jamie Laing, host Jamie welcomes Ashley Roberts, a former member of the renowned Pussycat Dolls and a close friend. Ashley joins the conversation to delve deep into her journey from the heights of fame to overcoming profound personal challenges through breath work—a practice she has extensively written about in her upcoming book.

Ashley’s Journey with the Pussycat Dolls

Ashley begins by reflecting on her time with the Pussycat Dolls, drawing parallels between the rigorous demands of the dance group and the intense nature of competitive shows like Strictly. She shares, "[03:43] I've danced with snakes and I'm so fearful of those things that that felt pretty," highlighting the juxtaposition of her vibrant on-stage persona with the internal struggles she faced.

Despite the high-pressure environment, Ashley emphasizes the joy and fulfillment she derived from dancing. "[07:52] Dancing to me was just like I could escape and go to another realm," she explains, illustrating how dance served as her sanctuary amidst chaos.

Personal Struggles and Mental Health

The conversation takes a poignant turn as Ashley opens up about the tragic loss of her father to suicide and the ongoing mental health battles within her family. "[27:41] I lost my father to suicide, which was really challenging and really difficult," she shares, providing listeners with a raw and honest portrayal of her emotional landscape.

Ashley discusses the profound impact of grief and loss on her life, noting, "[37:26] I was very aware that I was coming into the world to break the cycle of what was going on throughout my family." This awareness fueled her determination to find healing and solace through alternative practices.

Introduction to Breath Work

Ashley introduces the concept of breath work, explaining how it became a pivotal tool in her healing process. She recounts her transformative experience at a retreat in Bali, where she first encountered breath work and Kundalini yoga. "[21:36] It was so relaxing and calm and connected to myself. I can't even remember when," Ashley reflects.

Together with Jamie and Jemima, Ashley leads a brief breath work session, demonstrating the "[12:55] conscious breath, a two-part breath" technique. This interactive segment not only engages listeners but also serves as a practical illustration of the techniques Ashley advocates in her book.

The Science and Benefits of Breath Work

Ashley delves into the scientific underpinnings of breath work, explaining its effects on the autonomic nervous system. "[14:43] By stimulating that, we activate our parasympathetic nervous system, which is the part of the nervous system that says it's time to chill out," she elucidates. She further discusses the significance of the vagus nerve in promoting relaxation and reducing stress.

Jamie adds his personal insights, sharing his own experiences with therapies like EMDR and acknowledging the profound impact of simple practices like breath work. "[19:08] It's insane. And the thing which I just find so wild is that there's so much Western medicine out there, but actually, the cheapest things in life, doing breath work, going on a run, eating healthy, connecting with friends, that's what really helps us."

Emotional Vulnerability and Healing

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to emotional vulnerability. Ashley narrates the emotional challenges she faced while writing her book, culminating in powerful moments of reflection and catharsis. "[24:38] I was scared to do this book, like, I'm like, who am I to write a book," she admits, showcasing her journey from fear to empowerment.

Jamie reciprocates the vulnerability, sharing his own struggles with anxiety and the transformative power of therapy. "[46:20] This is authentic, real talk," he emphasizes, reinforcing the episode's theme of openness and healing.

Impact and Feedback

Ashley shares inspiring anecdotes about how her breath work practices have positively influenced those around her. "[25:10] She sat him down and she's like, Ashley, you're already impacting people and helping people," she recounts the moment her mother used her techniques to help her stepfather calm down, underscoring the real-world applicability and effectiveness of her methods.

Reflections on Relationships and Personal Growth

The conversation transitions to Ashley's perspectives on relationships, highlighting the importance of positivity and emotional intelligence. "[55:13] I love being positive. I love that," Ashley declares, discussing how breath work has enhanced her ability to maintain healthy, supportive relationships.

Closing Thoughts and Future Plans

As the episode concludes, both Jamie and Ashley express their commitment to continued personal growth and the spread of breath work practices. Ashley looks forward to publishing her book and hopes to inspire others to embrace these techniques for their well-being.

Jamie enthusiastically endorses Ashley's work, stating, "[59:30] I am so proud of you on that book, really, honestly, because I can feel it on you, and it's amazing and incredible." This mutual respect and shared vulnerability culminate in a heartfelt close to an episode rich with emotional depth and actionable insights.

Notable Quotes

• Ashley Roberts [12:03]: "It's fucking free. You just do it anywhere, even in the car."
• Jamie Laing [15:02]: "The moment you say you don't have time to meditate or do breath work is the time that you need to do it."
• Ashley Roberts [27:41]: "I lost my father to suicide, which was really challenging and really difficult."
• Jamie Laing [46:06]: "None of us have it figured out. We're all just trying."
• Ashley Roberts [58:25]: "Feel the fear and do it anyways."

Conclusion

This episode of Great Company offers a profound exploration of Ashley Roberts' personal and professional journey, intertwined with practical guidance on breath work and mental health. Through candid conversations and shared vulnerabilities, listeners are not only inspired by Ashley's resilience but also equipped with tangible tools to navigate their own emotional landscapes. Jamie Laing's empathetic hosting further enriches the dialogue, making this episode a memorable and impactful listen.

Transcript

[Ashley Roberts]

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[Jamie Laing]

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[Jemima]

Before we begin, a quick content warning that this episode contains discussion of suicide which some listeners might find upsetting.

[Jamie Laing]

Hello, everyone. My name is Jamie Laing and this is Great Company. Well, hello, Jemima.

[Ashley Roberts]

Hello.

[Jamie Laing]

How are you?

[Jemima]

I'm well, enjoying the warm weather. My voice has gone a bit.

[Jamie Laing]

Bit husky.

[Jemima]

I don't really. I have no idea what happened.

[Jamie Laing]

But do you like it when it's husky?

[Jemima]

I like it when it's husky, but I just think I've been talking too much.

[Jamie Laing]

Do you wake up in the morning and scream into the mirror just to get a husky voice? Yeah, there you go.

[Jemima]

You could do I just talk non stop. It's honestly like unbearable. I think I'm sometimes unbearable, to be honest.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah, don't worry. Sometimes I think that's about me as well.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jemima]

This is a safe place for unbearably chatty people.

[Jamie Laing]

So, ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Great Company podcast. So happy to have you here. Today's episode, really exciting because we have Ashley Roberts on the podcast. Ashley was a member of the Pussycat Dolls. She's a friend of mine. She is wild in the best way possible. And she's written a book about breath work.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

So she's come onto the podcast to talk loads about breath work, but about her life. And she's one of these people who finds it quite difficult sometimes to open up about everything that's happened to her, her life, her story. Cause she's had some real highs, but also some real lows. She lost her dad through suicide, which was horrendous, as you can possibly imagine. She was in the Pussycat Dolls at the height of fame, so you can imagine the spectrum is just wide and amazing. And she comes in today and I'm excited for this one.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jemima]

I think the fact she's written a book about breathwork, I'm really fascinated to know how you come. Because breathwork, you know all about like centering yourself and being calm to feel. To find that you obviously were in a place of not calm. I think a lot of people can relate to that. Especially when the world's going mad and you're like, ah, it's really hopeful, that journey, seeing someone come to a space where they feel calm.

[Jamie Laing]

And I've been told for so long I need to do breath work.

[Ashley Roberts]

Oh, really?

[Jamie Laing]

Ah, for so long.

[Jemima]

Should we do some breath I think you should do some breath work in the episode.

[Jamie Laing]

I'm going to do some breath work. Don't worry about that.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, can't wait for it.

[Jamie Laing]

We'll do it all together.

[Jemima]

I also think it'd be really. It's very surprising for people because Ashley has, like, such a. Like a sunny personality. So, like, when you find out that people like that would. When they let you in and you're like.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah. When you see the other side, you're really anxious. When they feel a bit anxious, they feel certain way. Totally. Okay. So this episode is going to be a real special one. Remember, if you haven't subscribed to the show already, can you please do click that button. It does us absolute wonders. And we also want you to let us know what you think of the show and what guests we should have on next. Let us know@great company.co.uk.

[Jemima]

He'S closing his eyes to say that because it means so much.

[Jamie Laing]

It does.

[Jemima]

He said, just please, please.

[Jamie Laing]

It really means a lot that you listen and you engage with this. I just can't tell you. So anyway, you know how much it means to me. Okay, here we go. Enjoy this episode of Great Company with Ashley Roberts.

[Ashley Roberts]

Hi, I'm Ashley Roberts and I'm in Great Company.

[Jamie Laing]

We both did Strictly together. Yes, we did.

[Ashley Roberts]

We did.

[Jamie Laing]

I got to the final. Oh, yeah.

[Ashley Roberts]

We didn't win.

[Jamie Laing]

No, we didn't. We didn't win.

[Ashley Roberts]

But we were there.

[Jamie Laing]

We were there. It's interesting about Strictly. Right. I listened to this podcast which said if Strictly was called sas, who Dares Wins? People would be okay with the fact that it was quite hard and it's about dancing and people would be quite tough. Right. And because it's Strictly, it's meant to be happy, but it's a dancing competition, which is a lot. And coming from a place like being in the Dolls.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

Where it was. I don't. I can't even imagine how ruthless it was the whole time. The whole time. Bang, bang. Do you think shows like that or do you think shows like that have to be in that way, like, quite tough in order to be successful?

[Ashley Roberts]

What do you mean, tough within the rehearsal space?

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah, tough in the rehearsal space. Tough within, like, making people like, you know, Strictly had this sort of bad rep. Yeah.

[Ashley Roberts]

I mean, because, you know, my experience with it with Pasha was. Was. I mean, it was hard work. Like, listen, I'm quite an active person. I got my bum handed to me. I was like, this is hard. But I had a quite joyful Experience.

[Jamie Laing]

Because so did I. That's what. I had a really great experience with it.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah. And Pasha and I had a great partnership, and I wanted to go in there and work also. You know, the timing of it happened right after my dad had passed, and my dad said if I end up doing that show, he wanted to fly over to see me dance because he missed me dancing so much. So for me, I was in a space of like. Like, this is a gift. I just want to. Like, I just want to dance, you know, and learn this. And so that's the headspace I was in.

[Jamie Laing]

Wow.

[Ashley Roberts]

And so I really. I felt it quite. You know, it's quite meaningful to me to be on that show, and I had a great partner, and we did a lot of amazing things.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah, I do. It's interesting because I spoke to someone else about it, but my experience was pretty amazing with it, and I actually admire the sort of hard work that those dancers put. I didn't realize. And you probably knew already because of the Dolls, but becoming a professional dancer, it is, like, the hardest thing in the world to compete and keep going from the age of, like, 11 and keep turning up.

[Ashley Roberts]

I loved it.

[Jamie Laing]

Did you really?

[Ashley Roberts]

Oh, my God. Because it was like. It was like in my bones. Dancing to me was just like. Like I could escape and go to another realm and another planet. I felt like I could just get inside of the music. I just loved it so much. So I. I liked the hard work growing up because I wanted to excel. I wanted to get better at the craft that I felt so passionate about.

[Jamie Laing]

I won't ever. Do you ever. Do you ever have moments where. Have you ever done this and be honest with me? Have you ever gone on to YouTube?

[Ashley Roberts]

Oh, God.

[Jamie Laing]

And watched your Strictly Dance before by yourself?

[Ashley Roberts]

Okay, I. Okay, so I hadn't for, like, for a while because I was like, I can't do it because. No. But then I had a little moment. I had a few glasses of vano When I go real New York there. I had a glass of vano, and I was showing. I didn't show my boyfriend, you know, a few of the. A few of the tricks I was doing. Few.

[Jamie Laing]

Well, you got to watch this one.

[Ashley Roberts]

I was like, baby, you're going to love this one. Look at this. Yeah, that's just. That's your girl right there.

[Jamie Laing]

Oh, God.

[Ashley Roberts]

And then there's someone's like, you can't watch. I was a troll. Remember my Charleston troll one? Oh, sweet Jesus.

[Jamie Laing]

I did one with the jive. It looked like I was Starting a motorbike.

[Ashley Roberts]

What were you meant to be? Look. What were you meant to be looking like?

[Jamie Laing]

What? In. In.

[Ashley Roberts]

Were you meant to be starting a motorbike?

[Jamie Laing]

No, I was doing. I was doing.

[Ashley Roberts]

Oh, your drive moves.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah. When I did the. I don't know if anyone knows if losing the jive is where you sort of pump your leg down and flick it up.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

Every night I was.

[Ashley Roberts]

He was jiving. Vroom, vroom, vroom.

[Jamie Laing]

I was eating up that jive.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, you were.

[Jamie Laing]

Oh, yeah. Before we begin, I want to do some breath work with you.

[Ashley Roberts]

Oh, you want to start off right at the bat?

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah. 100.

[Ashley Roberts]

Okay. Can we stand, or do you want to do something sitting?

[Jamie Laing]

We have to do sitting, I think.

[Ashley Roberts]

Okay, so.

[Jamie Laing]

But why don't you explain why we're going to do breath work?

[Ashley Roberts]

Well, I mean, I'm coming out with a book.

[Jamie Laing]

Let's go. Come on. Come on.

[Ashley Roberts]

Which is wild. I mean, for me.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah.

[Ashley Roberts]

A book.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah.

[Ashley Roberts]

If you went back in time and I was in high school, sitting there, daydreaming, not being able to pay attention, they were like, you're going to have a book one day. Be like, yeah. All right, guys. Anyways, yeah. I mean, this is something I'm super passionate about, that's helped me so much, and I want to share it.

[Jamie Laing]

When. When. When they said, we want you to write a book about breath work, were you like. Did you say breath work? Or was that. Did you pitch it or how did it work?

[Ashley Roberts]

It was like a gift, honestly. I mean, I've been doing this stuff for years, but just as, you know, something I've done that makes me feel good. And I kind of got prescribed it by a doctor when I did some blood work, they were like, you're. The way the system's going. You can get stressed out quite easily. And I was like, okay. They're like, you should really try breathwork. I was like, well, funny enough, I'm already doing it, but I just made it more than a priority. And for my nervous system, like, I call it going back to home. I'm like. When I start doing it, and after a few minutes, I'm like, oh, God. I feel like my mind that is mostly running at a thousand miles an hour.

[Jamie Laing]

Same.

[Ashley Roberts]

Same monkey mind. I mean, there's a circus. Chimes, drums, flutes, it's all going down. And when I do this stuff, like, my mind just goes. It just clears, and I feel like I'm like, oh, there I am.

[Jamie Laing]

You swear to me. You swear to me that happens?

[Ashley Roberts]

I swear to you? Yes. And listen, like, you know, I don't walk around for the rest of the entire day like that. But even like those few minutes moments as I'm walking out of class and I'm walking home because my class I go to is in walking distance, which is epic. I am like the most hopeful, positive person. I'm like, I can do this. Yeah. I can make that happen. It gives me goosebumps where normally, normally I'm like, nah, probably not. You know, it's not going to happen. Not quite sure. You know, it's just all the things are going off in the brain and when I do this, I'm like, it just brings up. I mean, and there's actual science behind it. I thought I was just drinking the Kool Aid. I'm like, this just. This just feels great.

[Jamie Laing]

Feels freaking great.

[Ashley Roberts]

I like it. I love some more.

[Jamie Laing]

You know what? It's free.

[Ashley Roberts]

It's fucking free.

[Jamie Laing]

It's free, dude.

[Ashley Roberts]

It's free. You just do it anywhere, even in the car. Because, honey, you know these streets be crazy out here. Like, and you get those drivers that love the brake and the honking of the horns. And I was like, I'm going to talk about breath work. And I'm, I'm stressed right now on the way here. So I was like, okay, use your tools. I mean, he probably thinks I'm an absolute weirdo in the back of the car. I was like, I'm doing all this kind of stuff.

[Jamie Laing]

Should we do it? Should we do it together?

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, I'm trying to think what we should do.

[Jamie Laing]

Can we do like a minute, one or two, and then we get the listener. So if you're listening right now and you're listening to this and maybe you're on a run or maybe you're. I don't know if you're in. If you're driving, maybe don't do this.

[Ashley Roberts]

No, I wouldn't do it driving.

[Jamie Laing]

No.

[Ashley Roberts]

You probably should focus on the road.

[Jamie Laing]

Focus on the road. But if you're feeling a bit stressed. Okay, let's just take a moment to do this and you can lead it. Here we go.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, well, there's a few ones you can do. I mean, I love the Breath of Joy, but we'd have to stand for that. So what we could do sitting. I could do the conscious breath, a two part breath.

[Jamie Laing]

Love this.

[Ashley Roberts]

Okay, so sit in a comfortable position. You usually want a straight spine.

[Jamie Laing]

Okay.

[Ashley Roberts]

And then put one hand on your belly and one hand on your heart on your chest. And then you're gonna take a deep inh. Sorry. You can take an inhale to the belly, inhale to the chest and then exhale at the nose. So belly, chest, nose, keep going. Belly, chest, nose. Do that about five or six times and then just sit with it for a second with your eyes closed. You'll feel a little tingling sensation, a little buzzy sensation. And really what's happening is you're creating your own endorphins, which is freaking awesome. So imagine doing that. I mean, you want, you can start off with a few, but you want to get up to about two minutes if you can. And two minutes is where the real serious shift happens.

[Jamie Laing]

What?

[Ashley Roberts]

There's this nerve attached from the brain to the gut called the vagus nerve.

[Jamie Laing]

Uh huh. I've heard of it.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, I joked that I was like, used to be hanging on the vagus strip. Now I'm with the vagus nerve.

[Jamie Laing]

I like it.

[Ashley Roberts]

I thought of that myself.

[Jamie Laing]

Dude, that is good. That is. I hope that's in the book.

[Ashley Roberts]

It is in the book.

[Jamie Laing]

Let's go.

[Ashley Roberts]

It is in the book.

[Jamie Laing]

Let's go.

[Ashley Roberts]

Patent that stuff. And yeah, it's by stimulating that we activate our parasympathetic nervous system, which is the part of the nervous system that says it's time to chill out. I call it like the heart space, the love space. And most of the time we're sort of in the fear, doubt, concern, I mean, which is quite normal always. But yeah, by activating the parasympathetic nervous system, we feel more chill, we feel more calm. And the more you do that, the stronger that comes.

[Jamie Laing]

I heard that apparently we take something like we're meant to take something crazy, like 18,000 breaths a day. And we take something like 45,000 breaths a day.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, it's outrageous.

[Jamie Laing]

So we're.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, we're stressed.

[Jamie Laing]

Hyperventilating the whole time we're stressed.

[Ashley Roberts]

We're shallow breathers, most of us. Yeah. And so they say that you're supposed to take about six breaths per minute.

[Jamie Laing]

Get out of here.

[Ashley Roberts]

That's challenging because. But the thing is, well, this is it. Like we're so we're constantly just in our chest when really we need to be down here in the diaphragm using the full capacity of the lungs to really get all the oxygen that we need. Look at me acting like I'm a doctor. No, but you are over here.

[Jamie Laing]

But I can also feel it on you. Do you know what's amazing? I can feel it on you. Yeah, dude, like 100%. When someone. Yeah. I swear to God. And like, I've been told the whole time, and I reckon so many people in this room, meditate, breathe, you should do that. And we all go, I don't have time. I don't have time. Someone very wise said to me once, the moment you say you don't have time to meditate or do breath work is the time that you need to do it.

[Ashley Roberts]

Exactly. We got to prioritize these things.

[Jamie Laing]

Without a doubt.

[Ashley Roberts]

And honestly, if you even do this for, like, three to five minutes, there'll be, you know, a bit of a shift. You'll feel better. But then imagine if you do it for, like. I mean, gosh, I go. I go for a long time because I love it. And I take like an hour and a half class, which you should call me. No, I do. Oh, my God, Jamie, when I leave that class, I am floating. I'm just like, yeah, we all right? Everything's gonna be okay. And just to have that perspective shift for that moment of time, that walk home, like, you think that shift in perspective, how will that change then, the way you operate in life? Right. It's like, for an example, I have. I have a gorgeous friend of mine that I love and adore, but, like, sometimes I get triggered a bit by. By her. And if I take a second, then my response to that is different than what it would have been if I was stressed or triggered. I mean, just by that changes the direction that your life will unfold.

[Jamie Laing]

That's so funny. I have a real issue at the moment where I am so reactive, man. Like, yeah, but I'm. I'm not like, okay, I'm very truthful on the show, so I'll be very truthful with you. Right. And then return. You hit it. Hit me straight back with truthful things.

[Ashley Roberts]

Okay.

[Jamie Laing]

So my wife is pregnant. It's amazing. It's the best thing in the world. But what I'm not good at quite at the moment is a lot of things going on with her. Right.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

And so she can fire stuff at me with, like, maybe just anger, irritation. It's not really aimed at me, but I react badly.

[Ashley Roberts]

Okay.

[Jamie Laing]

Because I think I'm. I'm obviously clearly highly strung or stressed at the moment.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

And I need that thing to keep me balanced. Balance.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, that's it. What we say with. With the breathwork stuff is you go back into a neutral state, so that's where you sort of want to exist. I mean, as most. As much as you can, which is tricky in this day. And Age. But if you do more of this kind of practice stuff, then that more like, I call it my bounce back. Because I can get stressed really easily. I can get, you know, anxiety can kick in, which people might not necessarily realize. I mean, my boyfriend says he's like, I don't think people. People know this side of you because, like, on the gram or, you know, in the world, I'm like, wee. But inside I'm like, holy shit, dude.

[Jamie Laing]

I'm the same.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah. And I am stressed out. And so by doing this more, I feel like there's more mom moments where I go back into a neutral state or a more positive state.

[Jamie Laing]

How does it shift the perspective? So when you're. You go to your class, you do your breath work. What happens when you go through that process? You're feeling all these emotions, you're feeling stressed, you go into your. Your breath work, and then what happens afterwards?

[Ashley Roberts]

So even through some of the exercises, I think because I've done it so long, it can happen quite quickly because I've been consistent with it. But for me, how to explain it to somebody who might just be getting into it is, you know, when you just. You feel just sort of like high, but also really relaxed, calm, more positive, you feel more peaceful, more like solution orientated. Like, sometimes I'll go in with an intention of like, oh, maybe I'll try and find, like, a solution to what I've been sort of worrying about, because worry is my natural state same. And by the end of that, I'm like, you know, okay, yeah, I've got it figured out. And this is a solution that might happen. It's just like, you go back into a state where things are a bit easier to handle and manage and figure out.

[Jamie Laing]

I went to this therapy once, right? Emdr. I don't know if you.

[Ashley Roberts]

Emdr.

[Jamie Laing]

Emdr, man.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah. It's bil. Bilateral movement. Yeah, yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

Correct. It's the most powerful thing I've ever done.

[Ashley Roberts]

It's fantastic.

[Jamie Laing]

It is. And I spoke about it before in this. But if anyone who's just tuning in, it's this incredible therapy that helps with, like, trauma and different things. And it's done through rapid eye movement.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

So I held these two vibrating things. Yeah. Hello. I held them real tight. And through this emotional vibrating. And you think about whatever moments you want to think about, or you do it through eye movement, you get to process this sort of trauma experience you had. And then afterwards, you go to your safe space where you do your tapping, where you tap either arm or you Tap your legs, whatever. And it brings your whole emotions and your calmness down. It's insane. And the thing which I just find so wild is that there's so much Western medicine out there. Go and take a pill to make you calmer. Go and take a pill to make you feel better. Go and take a pill to do this. But actually, the sort of cheapest things in life, doing breath work, going on a run, eating healthy, connecting with friends. That's what really helps us.

[Ashley Roberts]

Well, this is it. It's just a reminder, I guess, if breath work's not your thing, I mean, it's definitely my thing. But I. And I do feel like so many people could benefit so much from doing it, but it's just a reminder to do more things that make you feel good. Right. That bring you more joy. Because life gets so hectic. Right. And we get so, like.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah.

[Ashley Roberts]

In our worlds. But it's important to take some time for yourself.

[Jamie Laing]

What was the moment when you. When did you first start breathwork?

[Ashley Roberts]

Right. This is so like an Eat, Pray love story. Basically. I was living in Notting Hill, right?

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah.

[Ashley Roberts]

And, I mean, I just felt lost. I was like. I didn't know what was going on, what the next step was. You know, I was over in another country, missing my family and anxious. Yeah. I mean, always.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ashley Roberts]

And I knew of this guy named Mastin Kipp. He was a speaker life coach kind of thing. He had spoken with Oprah. So I was like, ooh, him. Okay, what's he doing? And he had this retreat in Bali, and it was quite expensive. And I was like, I don't know, but I was like, you know what I need? I want to do something. I feel like I need something. So I booked a flight, was there, and it was 12 days. No cell phone, no laptop, no, you know, complete digital detox.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah.

[Ashley Roberts]

It was vegetarian food. We walked in the rice field, and I didn't under. I didn't know this at the time, but he was like, after each lesson, we're then going to have Kundalini yoga. And I was like, I don't know what that is, but I like yoga. All right, cool. I'll try it. You know, fuck it, let's go.

[Jamie Laing]

Let's go and do anything.

[Ashley Roberts]

And I was just like, what is this? Because I haven't felt this relaxed and calm and sort of connected to myself. I can't even remember when. And I left there being like this. This stuff's quite magical. And again, thinking, maybe I'm drinking the Kool Aid. So I kind of was doing classes here and there. And that was probably seven years ago.

[Jamie Laing]

Wow.

[Ashley Roberts]

And then when I met that doctor and she was telling me sort of the makeup of my body and she was like prescribing it to me, I was like, well, I've already actually been doing this and I really like it. So I then committed that year to do it once a week every week for like three years. And then I did a 200 hour course the beginning of last year. Your eyeballs.

[Jamie Laing]

200 hour course?

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah. I mean, there. That's a lot of breathing. But it was also some teachings as well. And afterwards is when this opportunity to do the book came in like it was like a gift. And I was like, I can't write that. No, I don't. But through the process you can.

[Jamie Laing]

And, and like I said before, I want you because you. I can feel it on you. And when you, when anyone ever talked, I always think, what do you mean.

[Ashley Roberts]

When you say that?

[Jamie Laing]

Because. Okay, let me explain that. So when you, when you talk about your family, most people, people talk about their kids or they talk about. You can go for hours about it, right? You can say, oh my God, my kid is like this, my kid. And you can hear it like mothers and fathers and what are they? They can talk for hours about their kids, right? And if you can relate that to something like a purpose, like a hobby, like a love, like a business, and you can talk so freely about it, you can feel it on you. And I know with you we could sit here for like an hour, two hours, three hours, and we could about breath work. And that just kind of really shows the kind of passion that you have behind it. And also, not only that, what you're doing with your book is your. It's great because for you it's cathartic in a way, but also it's going to help others. And that's kind of the most important thing, right? Yeah, that's what's.

[Ashley Roberts]

So getting emotional.

[Jamie Laing]

But that's okay. Get emotional with me. I'm in an emotional mood today.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, I think, you know, I was scared to do this book. Like, I'm like, who am I to write a book? Right?

[Jamie Laing]

But, but why do you have that imposter syndrome?

[Ashley Roberts]

Because I wasn't academic, you know, I wasn't like a person in school that was like getting good grades. I was in the clouds, you know, I was off in another land. I was choreographing things. I was coming up with outfits, I was singing songs. And to like, write a book. I was like, I just don't think I can do this. And I didn't have enough confidence in myself. But through the process, again, like you said, it was cathartic and healing because this is also the most personal. I've publicly. I speak about stuff that's gone on throughout my life, but then also how this practice has helped me and I think that's what makes me emotional is because it's helped me a lot. And what is happening.

[Jamie Laing]

It's okay. It's the room. We'll get. It's the room, actually, but it's okay. But listen, honestly, let it out because I, okay, I, I, I've cried and got emotional on this so much and it's obviously inside of you. Right. So just let it out because it feels great to let these things out.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah. Can I tell you a story, please?

[Jamie Laing]

So tell everything. Offload.

[Ashley Roberts]

This is like I sent my mom the PDF of the book, right. And of course she's my mom, so she's going to be supportive and loving and everything, but she just had the most beautiful things to say about it. And also my stepfather has had a bit of health issues going on. And she was like, ash, because I was reading this, his heart rate was going, you know, really, really extreme. Really, really high. And she sat him down and she's like, okay, I'm going to go through some of Ash's exercises that are in these books. Books. In this book. And got his heart rate down to a resting state.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah.

[Ashley Roberts]

And because they were going to take him to the er and she was like, ash, you know, you're already impacting people and helping people. And it like, it just hit me and I, that's, I don't know, because this stuff has just been, it's good shit.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah.

[Ashley Roberts]

And I want more people to do it.

[Jamie Laing]

When, when you realize when I say something like that, when I say you're actually going to help people, why does that make you feel emotional?

[Ashley Roberts]

I don't know. Because that would be awesome. And I don't, I don't honestly know. I didn't expect to get emotional, but like that would just give, gives it purpose to everything as well. You know, when you go through things and you find something that makes you feel better, like, and it can possibly help others, like, that's pretty cool.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah, I, no, because this is amazing.

[Ashley Roberts]

Because I don't, I know I'm getting so hot because I don't normally as vulnerable with stuff. But you know what?

[Jamie Laing]

Don't worry, I'll be vulnerable with you for a second. So when. I don't know if you saw I went on a run recently, I saw.

[Ashley Roberts]

You went on a run, and that was so powerful.

[Jamie Laing]

I keep talking about it, so I need to shut up about it soon.

[Ashley Roberts]

Oh, I've loved it.

[Jamie Laing]

But the reason why I got so emotional on that run. Right. Is because every. All of our lives, everyone in here. Right. And including you, we all have our boulder and all have our emotion that we're. That we're. We're masking, we're pushing up a hill the whole time, and we never really know what each of us are going through. And some are supposedly worse than others, but it's our own experience that we go through. And, you know, I spoke a lot about anxiety, and I can never express to someone the anxiety that I went through that was just so awful. But doing the run and realizing that that. That what I was doing was actually helping other people. Yeah, man. That's what was getting me emotional each time.

[Ashley Roberts]

Right.

[Jamie Laing]

Because. Because we worry so much about ourselves always. And then when we realize we're helping, that is just an incredible thing.

[Ashley Roberts]

It is.

[Jamie Laing]

It's amazing.

[Ashley Roberts]

It is. And like you said, we don't always share the battles that go on internally, but, you know, they're going off. So I think that if there's others out there that are possibly suffering from stress and anxiety and an overactive mind like this is something that could really possibly help you.

[Jamie Laing]

What personal things do you open up in the book?

[Ashley Roberts]

Well, you know, I lost my father to suicide, which was really challenging and really difficult. My brother has his own struggles as well with mental health that are quite severe. You know, I've lost several loved ones over the last couple years as well, and. And that's been tough also, you know, I. I struggle with sleep and have had a struggle with that for most of my entire life. Again, you know, some of the stress and anxiety that I definitely bring on for myself, probably life could probably be a bit more simpler than I tend to make it. Yeah. And so I open up. Yeah. A bit more about some stuff that's gone on within my home and my household and my upbringing and. And how this has sort me move some of that around. Right. Because grief and loss is stuff like it sticks within the body. And so I feel like when I'm doing some of this work that I can feel things releasing.

[Jamie Laing]

Do you know what's as you? I. I think I like. I think we're buddies. Right. And like, I really. Whenever I'm with you and I think other people say the same. You, you give off this kind of real light and positive and you make people feel great. You really do. And I think that's what is so interesting, as you said, is that you give off this sort of positive, sunny self. But actually, you've had this really tough time and life has not been easy.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, I mean, listen, I'm not alone. You know, this is the thing is so many of us, we go through so much. Being human is tough. You know, life is tough. And nobody gives you a little handbook of like how to handle everything. So we try our best, but there are at least some tools out there that can help you. And I think, you know, growing up dancing, I didn't even quite realize realize, but probably all that movement and that music, I was, I mean, no wonder. It was, it was my best friend, it was my escape, it was my meditation, it was my everything, my passion, my love. And once that stopped, you know, I had a big sort of like moment of like, oh God, okay, wait, what, what do I do with all this now that's existing and I hadn't processed anything and I just went on a real journey of trying to find things that could help me, you know, figure out what was going on internally.

[Jamie Laing]

If I was a therapist, right. And I was thinking about it, you always go back to like the childhood and you understand what happens there.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

So what was childhood like? Oh, God, sorry. You don't have to answer these things. You can go. But it's. But I think what do you know, the reason I asked this. Right. Is that you've written this book that is going to help so many people. And I really feel that. I really feel like it is. And for people to read it and get it and understand those things, it's going to relate to so many people out there.

[Ashley Roberts]

Well, let's start first with the positives because, you know, my dad was a lover of music. A drummer, a percussionist, a goofball, a big kid. I mean, he built like a two story platform just so we could jump off of it onto the trampoline. You know, like, oh, let's build a basketball court so we can play basketball. Like how to play of cement, you know, whatever. So there was this really fun, vibrant side. But then, you know, he had his, he had his struggles. And those struggles, I think just got the best of them. But living in that environment of sort of what am I going to get? Was tricky and challenging. And I think, you know, when the causes a dysregulated nervous system for sure, at a young age. And then, you know, it starts manifesting in the kind of relationships that you have. Maybe the way you speak about yourself to yourself, you know, and so many. It kind of. Yeah, sort of sets the tone of. Of life a bit. But then luckily, thank God, I did have my dancing and my creative outlet and a passion that led me. You know, so many people don't have that, so I'm grateful for that. That at least I have had that space.

[Jamie Laing]

But your dad was in a very famous band.

[Ashley Roberts]

Oh, God, I can hear him now being like girl. So he.

[Jamie Laing]

Can you really?

[Ashley Roberts]

No, because he, he. Okay, so he dated Mama Cass's sister from the Mamas and the Papa. So he drummed in and out of the band, but he wasn't the full time drummer he ended up because apparently they wanted to go on the road and he didn't want to go travel overseas. So he stayed in Arizona and then met my mom and the rest is history. But he had his own band, Thornhill. They toured all throughout the U.S. but I mean, music was being played in my household morning, noon and night.

[Jamie Laing]

Amazing.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah. Which was. Which was epic. And he was so creative and so artistic and. Yeah. You know, but he had his battles like, like we all do. But, you know, I just. I do wish that there was more tools out there, especially for that generation. Right. I mean, at least now we're talking about it a bit more.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah, we're talking about it so much. And especially with men.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

You know, and you did mention because In, I think 2018, he took his own life. Right.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

I'm so sorry that that happened. Like, that's just. I mean, I'm so sorry.

[Ashley Roberts]

Thanks. Yeah. You know, it's people that go through suicide, it's. It's a tricky one to wrap your head around and understand. And so, yeah, it's tough. But his, you know, the gifts that he's given me still, still live through me now. You know, I still, whenever I hear music, like, I'm connected to him. So, you know, as much as it was hard, he. I don't want to, like, I want to paint him in a way that was special because, you know, you look at certain people out there that have taken that route that just brought so much light to the world, you know, and you just don't realize that the struggles are going on underneath. What struggles are going on underneath.

[Jamie Laing]

No, I know. And. And you should paint him in this amazing, beautiful light. Right. Because that's the most important thing to do. And I have this Big thing at the moment, which is where there are so many people out there who keep saying, oh, we got to get over the stigma of mental health. We got to do this about mental health. But actually what it's is far more powerful is saying, you know, I know someone close to me who's, you know, taken their own life. Or I've. I've been through anxiety, I've been through depression, whatever it is, and labeling ourselves much more than just saying it as sort of a blanket thing. Yeah, that's really powerful because then people go, oh, my God, that person, especially people in the public eye doing it. I think it's so important.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, this is it. And I think, I mean, high five to us first because it's scary to also, so.

[Jamie Laing]

But why are you scared about talking about it? Because I can feel that you, you, you.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, I feel more comfortable in the space that I've been presenting for so many years. Right. I've been in this industry a while now. I've. I've been in the Pusscat Dolls and then, you know, maybe hosting and presenting different shows or on panel. And I, like, I enjoy that emotion. Giving out joy and being a bit sassy and having a bit of fun like that. That's what I want to give out to the world. But also by sharing the vulnerability of. And being vulnerable. Sorry. Of like, I see I'm already getting, like. It's hard for me to speak about this stuff because I don't really speak about it, especially publicly. I mean, my very close group of friends know how I operate.

[Jamie Laing]

But are you a trusting person?

[Ashley Roberts]

Oh, it takes me a while to let people in fully. Like, you know, I'm very.

[Jamie Laing]

He's just so open and amazing and.

[Ashley Roberts]

I want people to feel that. I want people to feel safe within my space and that I'm, you know, I'm with them and that. That this is a safe space. But as far as, like, the people that really know me is quite a close, tight circle.

[Jamie Laing]

When you think of your dad, what's an overriding emotion or thought you connect to him?

[Ashley Roberts]

Oh, God. Music. I mean, just that's it. That's the thing is, like, I know it was. It was really tough to go through what happened, but also, like, the memories of my dad drumming any. Anywhere. I mean, the steering wheel, like, was always, you know, everything was a drum kit, like, and. And then again, he was such a big kid. Like, if there was four wheelers, if there was jet skis or if there was like a tree we could climb or like he. On the back of the truck, he'd get a rope with like a sled and then like just pull me from the truck in the snow. You know, it was always an adventure. And that's the part that I really like to keep with me, you know, because the struggles. I just don't think he had the tools. I don't think he.

[Jamie Laing]

Do you understand that as a kid, though? Wow.

[Ashley Roberts]

I did as a kid.

[Jamie Laing]

That's why that's incredibly self aware.

[Ashley Roberts]

My mom thought I was a pretty strange kid. Yeah. But I feel like I knew my role within the family and that the cycles were gonna break with me and that. Yeah. That he just was. I looked at him as a. As a little kid that was just. That went through a lot and didn't have the tools to. To work through it all.

[Jamie Laing]

And you knew this. At what age, what age would you become aware?

[Ashley Roberts]

Since I can remember, since I started experiencing certain episodes and stuff with him, I just. I mean, it. Don't get me wrong, it extremely affected me.

[Jamie Laing]

Of course it is.

[Ashley Roberts]

But I was very. I was very aware that like, I was coming in, getting really deep here, but I was aware that I was coming in to the world to break the cycle of what was going on throughout my family.

[Jamie Laing]

Really?

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

Wow. That's incredibly powerful.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I just. That's what I felt.

[Jamie Laing]

What is your mom like?

[Ashley Roberts]

Oh, my mama. Mama Pegs. We call her Mama Fee. She is. I love that woman. She's a gem. Thank God for Mama P. Thank God for Mama P. You know what? We actually have gotten closer, I think, over the last few years than. Because even though, you know, we talk about my dad a lot, but I was. I was close to my dad, you know, because we had so much in common with music and.

[Jamie Laing]

Dad's your heroes, right?

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah. Yeah. Where like my mom and I, I really like the last couple of years we've been going on mother, daughter, like, holidays, spending really proper quality time together and she just wants the best, you know. She's just a ball of light and she's just a beautiful human, so I love her dearly.

[Jamie Laing]

Must be strong.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah. That woman been through a lot. That woman has been through a lot and she's still such a cool queen. So. Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

It's amazing. We. It's true. As we get older, you know, we especially as I like step into sort of this world of like, you know, hopefully touch with all being well. Ha. That I'm going to be a dad. Right. Which is just crazy. My God, man, it's crazy. You suddenly realize like I'm suddenly like realizing like what my parents did for me.

[Ashley Roberts]

Right. New perspective.

[Jamie Laing]

That is mad. Like, like everything from the emotional stress to the financial stress to. And you know, my mum went through. And my parents went through a divorce and then my mum had to like, make sure everything was all happy when she was dealing with a breakup and.

[Ashley Roberts]

Right.

[Jamie Laing]

And you just don't. And you know, your mum going through something, you know, so many awful things and so many hard things, but then.

[Ashley Roberts]

Still trying to keep.

[Jamie Laing]

Trying to keep it together.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, this is it. I know. Honestly, we. They need a badge of honor. They really do. I haven't quite had that perspective yet, but I. I give her praise for just being able to handle it in grace.

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[Jamie Laing]

You were in the Pussycat Dolls, right? And did. When you went into the Dolls, right. And which was ja. I mean, man, frick, what a. That was a group. That was a group.

[Ashley Roberts]

It was a moment.

[Jamie Laing]

That was a group. Man, I remember every single boy in my whole school, all 850 of them, were watching every video that ever came out.

[Ashley Roberts]

Why was that?

[Jamie Laing]

Just because we really liked the songs. We liked. We liked the songs, we like the choreography. We just. We just wanted to understand that it was. Just couldn't keep our eyes away from it.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, we were. We had some fits.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah, we. But when you. When you joined the Dolls and they had so much success, was there a brief period where you thought, I'm healed?

[Ashley Roberts]

No.

[Jamie Laing]

No, you didn't.

[Ashley Roberts]

Within the Dolls.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah, because I. In terms of like. Like, how do I explain this? Let me explain it better.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

When you have struggles in life yeah, right. We think there are going to be things outside things that are going to cure it. Okay. If I get that job.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

That's going to make me feel better if I go out with that person. It's going to make me feel better if I do that. And joining something like the Dolls with the stardom and the things and the validation that was there. Moments where you're like, oh, my God, I feel. Feel like I'm here. Or did you feel completely lost during that period?

[Ashley Roberts]

Well, listen, it's a different time now. What we speak about within mental health and having awareness of everything like we didn't have back then. I was just going. I was just on, like, the road of, like, A to B to C. So I didn't even realize I needed to be healed. It was just like, okay, this, you know, all that existed within my family dynamic and growing up. But also, that's just what it was. I didn't quite realize, like, oh, I could maybe find some tools that would help me understand what is going on or have a mentor or therapist or whatever it may be. I just. I just was going. I was on the. The road to, like, just one foot in front of the other, which led me, you know, listen, I think that also the way that my life was structured also gave me my drive, and there's. There's positives that came out of it. And being a part of the Dolls was. We were a thousand miles an hour. There wasn't time to think. So it wasn't until I think, you know, which we had spoken about in the past, that my body started kind of shutting down that I was like, oh, okay, wait, maybe. Maybe we're going a little too. Too long, too hard, too fast.

[Jamie Laing]

You did something. You did a European tour and you did something like 200 dates or something crazy like that or something wild.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah. We were in, like, three different countries in one day at one point. It was. It was nuts. And again, nobody spoke about, like, their mental health or how they were feeling.

[Jamie Laing]

No one said anything.

[Ashley Roberts]

No one said anything? No. I mean, yeah, it was. Wasn't until I was, like, in the hospital, they were like, you should probably take a little moment, stop for a little.

[Jamie Laing]

Whole second, but explain that moment to me. So you were. You were going, you were going, you were going, you were going. And then what happened?

[Ashley Roberts]

Well, several things. I mean, one, I ended up in the hospital. Like, they thought I was having a brain aneurysm. And then I got viral arthritis because I. Because while I was in the hospital, which actually was in London, and we spoke about this on your other podcast. But I. I was ready to get back on the plane, you know, I was like, no, I need to go to Germany. We've got a show to do. So that was my mentality, you know, just like, go, go, go. Give me what I need. And let's. Let's get the show moving. And the show must go on, right? So showbiz.

[Jamie Laing]

Because that's what you're driven.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

Driven to think all the time.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, yeah. Like, we've got a show to do. I gotta be in Germany. Let's go. And they were like, I think you need to just rest for a little bit. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. They're like, well, we need to give you an mri. Cause we think you're having a brain aneurysm. So as I was on my way to get the mri, my knee locked up and I ended up getting viral arthri hospital. So I couldn't even walk. And I mean, yeah, so I did have to take a moment. But then, you know, when I also left the dolls, I had shingles across my face. I had eczema all over my entire body. I mean, yeah, I talk about this in the book, but it. There was this acupuncturist that I was going to. She's like, well, if you don't scream, your body's going to scream for you. Right? Like. Like there's a. It has to go somewhere.

[Jamie Laing]

Your body betrays what the soul feels.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So I think if I would had breath work, then maybe I would have been able to sort of, you know, help myself out a bit. But that wasn't the case.

[Jamie Laing]

How trapped were you within your body?

[Ashley Roberts]

That's a big. I mean, we're all sort of trapped in. Yeah, but.

[Jamie Laing]

But emotionally, when you don't feel like there's an outlet, you're right. The body does start screening. That's a great way that that person.

[Ashley Roberts]

Put it when you. Well, I mean, you know, a lot of the times when you're in an environment, you're sort of holding things in, right? The anger, you're not necessarily, like, yelling at that person or getting mad. You're almost like containing it. And then the vessels, like, you know what I mean? It's got to go somewhere. So it ends up manifesting into shingles or whatever it may be. Or maybe you get sick or, you know, your body eventually is like. Will tell you it's time to. It's time to slow down.

[Jamie Laing]

I've Done a lot of therapy. Right. And I started doing therapy when I was about 27, 7 years old. And I suddenly started to realize, like, a lot of things.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

Like, I thought I was going to get to the age of, like, 30 and someone's going to open a door and go, come in here. Here are all the secrets. And I was like, brilliant.

[Ashley Roberts]

I can't wait for that.

[Jamie Laing]

I can't wait. Yeah. I can't wait to find that out. And then 30 years, I was like, yeah, everyone is guessing. Everyone doesn't really know what's going on. This is everyone's first. This. Everyone. No one's had a dress rehearsal.

[Ashley Roberts]

No, I know. This is it.

[Jamie Laing]

This is. This is it.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

I mean, that was a scary moment.

[Ashley Roberts]

I think Riri said, like, fake it till you make it. Like, it's just. And it is. It's such a sort of cheesy line, but it's true. Like, none of us have it figured out. We're all trying. But at least I think, again, like, with doing this book and sharing it is. I. I want people to be open to trying new things that could help them feel better and help calm down, you know, because anybody, even if you don't have high stress levels and a lot of anxiety, Anxiety, like this kind of stuff will help you just feel good.

[Jamie Laing]

Do you think being positive is a coping mechanism or a defense mechanism?

[Ashley Roberts]

Oh, might be a bit of both.

[Jamie Laing]

You know, because I have that as well. I love the. I love being positive. I really like that. And when actually, when I had this in relationships in the past, when I was in relationships and people were being negative, I didn't, like, I couldn't handle it. Couldn't. I can't handle that. Can't handle that. Don't bring that in here. Don't. And that wasn't so good. So it wouldn't allow other people to express their emotions in a relationship that. Well, because I didn't.

[Ashley Roberts]

The negat space.

[Jamie Laing]

I didn't want that space.

[Ashley Roberts]

Okay.

[Jamie Laing]

I'd rather deny that.

[Ashley Roberts]

Interesting. Not like, you mean even at all, like, oh, wow.

[Jamie Laing]

I never ever liked it. I never liked it.

[Ashley Roberts]

Interesting. I wonder what that.

[Jamie Laing]

And so then I. When I started doing therapy, I started to understand, like, how you can open up and understand these different emotions. And then I was. I started to be able to accept.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

Negative emotion and realizing that actually being positive all the time, you don't have to be that. No, you don't have to be all this heightened stuff, the time actually being still and feeling the emotions is A good thing.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah. There was this study, actually, that, like, there was a high percentage of people that would rather get electric shock than sit with their own emotions.

[Jamie Laing]

What?

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, I mean, and the percentage was, like, extremely high. So I think that just goes to show. Yeah. I mean, it. You know, it's not necessarily fun, but that's sort of how you get through it on the other side and get growth and evolution within yourself. Being positive is a great thing, right?

[Jamie Laing]

Totally.

[Ashley Roberts]

But. But too much of anything is probably too much.

[Jamie Laing]

Do you know, when I. When I spoke about my darker times, which I never had done really before, and I'd opened up about, like, the way that I felt and things like that, it was. Was so good to share because it made everyone perceive me differently, and they. They realized that there were. There were different sides to it.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

And I almost feel like this book that you're doing is gonna do that for you as well, where you show every side of yourself and that authenticity that is coming out is. That is what's powerful.

[Ashley Roberts]

Well, you know, I feel like it's interesting, you and I. Right. Because like you said, when you see me, I give off light. And you're the same way. Like, when you're in that. When I come into your presence, I know I'm gonna get, like, a burst of joy. But also, you were very inspiring to me, going on that run and being vulnerable within that. I'm serious, because I was like, look, like, wow, he's really opening up right now. And I was in the midst of writing this book, and I was like, okay, it's time. It's time to sort of be a full human. Right. Because we're not all just one thing. We're so complex. And. Yeah, I feel like there's. I feel like I'm kind of maybe growing up a bit as well, just to be able to share all this. But you were a big inspiration for me during that, so. And look, and the thing is, is I still look at you as this big ball of joy, you know, Even though.

[Jamie Laing]

Same to you.

[Ashley Roberts]

You know what I mean? So you haven't lost that sparkle. If anything is probably brighter and reaching more people.

[Jamie Laing]

Jude, this is a really annoying question, and I actually kind of hate it when people ask these things. But I'm gonna ask you because. Well, because I think it Only because I'm on that path, and I've heard you speak about it. You know, we always talk about. With. There's this silly analogy that people talk about where women get concerned when they think about having kids.

[Ashley Roberts]

Right.

[Jamie Laing]

As they start to get older. Would you at some point want to have kids?

[Ashley Roberts]

Well, I do open up a bit about this in the book. It has really never been a priority to me. Even as a young kid, I told my mom, I'm like, I don't think I want kids. I don't really care if I get married. It wasn't like I was the girl planning the wedding and seeing the whole, like, you know, white picket fence and all that, so. And I kind of kept thinking, well, maybe when I get older, that will shift. And I'm like, hasn't really shifted. So again, I mean, who knows? We, you know, every day I think we gotta allow ourselves to exist in the possibility of waking up the next day and feeling different. Although, you know, as a woman, we've got our biological clothes clock. But again, going back to.

[Jamie Laing]

But isn't it funny? Just quickly. That's so interesting that when. Because if it's so funny, there's a weird. There's certain things in life which I find bizarre.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

If you said to me, do you drink? And I went, no, I don't drink. Especially in English culture. They go, huh?

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

And I. And I'm not a murderer. I just, like. I just don't drink. And I think it's sort of the same in life with kids. When someone says, do you want to have kids? And you go, well, I don't. It's people. People tend to go, huh, What? What?

[Ashley Roberts]

I know, right?

[Jamie Laing]

Well, but you're. You're meant to. That's what you're meant to do is. And actually, there's no right or wrong way to do life.

[Ashley Roberts]

I mean, I'm gonna say two things. One, I told you I was gonna break the cycle, so there's that. Two, I love fluffy babies. I mean, like, I could have, like, a load of dogs and be in heaven. So I think I might just have a little fur family and be so all right with that. I mean, and that's how I feel now. Who knows? Later, down the road is 20, 25. There's all kinds of. Of ways but that, you know, that I. I could just have a fur family and be like, happy as a pig. And you know what?

[Jamie Laing]

Pig and pig and I. I heard that you said there was once you said, I want to spend my money on traveling because that's my love language.

[Ashley Roberts]

That's my love language. Oh, my God. Get me on paper. Like, you're always on a plane. I was like, yeah, I don't have kids. I spent all my money on traveling, because that's what I love to do. I can do it. Cause I don't have pets. Shimmy shake to me.

[Jamie Laing]

And do you know what? I swear to God, so many people, so many people, whether they want to agree with you or not, are going. She's right. She's freaking, right? Yeah. 100, a hundred percent.

[Ashley Roberts]

I want to have a margarita with a little cute, you know, man coming over and serving it to me. Sounds fabulous. I don't have to go to kiddie pool.

[Jamie Laing]

What do you, what do you like in a relationship?

[Ashley Roberts]

Oh, what do you like when you're in love? Yeah, well, I mean, you know, there's been many areas of love, but I think that this current one I'm in is quite nice. It's consistent, it's kind, it's thoughtful, it's romantic, it's. It's my nervous system. And honestly, I swear to you, Jamie, it's because I've been doing this work.

[Jamie Laing]

Get out of here.

[Ashley Roberts]

I swear, because there's just been a shift. Even my, my friends, my closest friends, I said, you know, I've got my close circle. Like, they're like ash, like you're different. Like something's different. And when you again have a shift in perspective, right, how you operate in life then shows up differently. And that sort of.

[Jamie Laing]

Because you can react differently. You, you, you, you process things differently.

[Ashley Roberts]

Self awareness of. I mean, also that, you know, I've gotten older, but my boyfriend's young, know, younger than me. And I was like, first of all, I was like, no, we'll have you know, this is fun, but like, not gonna go anywhere serious. But actually the kind of human that he is, I was like, oh, that like my nervous system around you is really calm. Wow, you're consistent, transparent, just a beautiful human. And I was like, I, I wanna, I wanna lean into that. Instead of the other relationships that sparked up something that was probably what. What was more familiar to me as considered love, you know?

[Jamie Laing]

Did you find in some relate. When relationships seem to be hectic and chaotic and dramatic and f. And all that you like, oh, that this is what it should be like. This is what a relationship should be like.

[Ashley Roberts]

Oh yeah. All the chemicals be going off, the bells, the whistles, and you're like, we just rouge flags flowing all over the place. Like, but you cute, you cute.

[Jamie Laing]

Waving that red flag. You're like, come on.

[Ashley Roberts]

Doing a parade down the street. And I'm like, yes, you, you get out of here. Let's do this.

[Jamie Laing]

It's. It's all Right. Because then when things are like, you're so. When someone turns up and they're kind and. And it feels more still, that doesn't feel as exciting. But that is because. Because the way that sometimes our brains work, that calmness and stillness feels boring. But that is what we should be off to.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, but in a sense it's not boring because we laugh and we have a good time and we're creative together and there's so many other beautiful nuggets that come with it. So. Yeah, and I honestly am like, when I did lean into him as like. Well, you know, not physically or maybe physically, you know, all the leans, I patted myself on the back because I was like, sure.

[Jamie Laing]

During it, you went, yeah. I was like, that was good.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah, I like it. You like it, I like it. We like it. And I was like, yes, chica, you're choosing new things. We liked it.

[Jamie Laing]

How much younger is he than you? Come on.

[Ashley Roberts]

He's 17 years younger than me.

[Jamie Laing]

Let's go, let's go.

[Ashley Roberts]

But look at Bradley Cooper and Gigi, Hannah Hadid, 20 years. Nobody, nobody even like, bats an eye.

[Jamie Laing]

You think I give a shit? I don't. I think it's freaking great.

[Ashley Roberts]

I, in the beginning was a bit like, oh, I don't know about this. But again, it was like the kind of person in Human that he is, where I was like, I'm. I've. I've dated loads of guys my age and older and they be acting like 13 year olds. Completely emotional intelligence is like of a 5 year old. So. Wow.

[Jamie Laing]

What do you, what do you look for in a relationship? So what do you look for in a person?

[Ashley Roberts]

Again, like, you know, we want to have a good laugh. I think that's super important. You want to have fun.

[Jamie Laing]

You're so funny. You are so funny.

[Ashley Roberts]

You so funny. The two of you too. I mean, I just can't. I love you guys so much. Yeah, it's having that playfulness, having a laugh again. Knowing that you're not going to be judged for how you dress or how you operate in the world or, you know, just being, being able to be yourself and being, be fully accepted of that is, is an awesome space to exist in.

[Jamie Laing]

And if someone's listening right to this and they are maybe in a relationship that they know isn't right, but they feel stuck. How do you get out of that?

[Ashley Roberts]

Well, listen, I'm not, you know, a life coach over here. That's, that's a.

[Jamie Laing]

Like, you are.

[Ashley Roberts]

Do you?

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah, I feel like you are.

[Ashley Roberts]

I Mean, you know, sometimes we gotta do brave things. Like, let me tell you, some of the relationships that I left were not easy ones to walk away from, but I knew in my gut it was what was needed to be done. And it was tough getting on the other side, but thank God that I did, you know? And I think if you can find that courage, that bravery within you, listen to that act, you know that it's not right for you, right? And, like, come on, like, this is. This is such a gift that we're here. Like, how do you want to spend it? And I know, right? We cause a lot of chaos ourselves, so having someone by your side that makes you feel better is important. There's a lot going on. You know, we need a good ride or die. Partner in crime, 100%.

[Jamie Laing]

Man. What is the bravest thing you've done?

[Ashley Roberts]

Oh, gosh, you know, I've done a lot of interesting things. I mean, you talk about. I mean, I've danced with snakes and I'm. I'm so fearful of those things that. That felt pretty.

[Jamie Laing]

But deeply, what is it? What is the thing that you are just the most proud of yourself? You're like, yeah, is it this book?

[Ashley Roberts]

You think I was gonna say, currently, it's definitely this book. I mean, honestly, even though it's, like, it's ironic, because even as I'm talking about something that brings me so much peace and joy and comfort, and it's caused me a lot of, like, of anxiety and stress because I'm opening up about things that I haven't spoken about, and I'm also putting myself out there, like. But the passion overrides that so much. So I'm like, all right, Chika, you just gotta do this. And this is the thing, like you said, none of us have it figured out. We're all just. We're all just trying, you know, and so putting one foot in front of the other, trusting the process and just showing up anyways, even when you feel a bit like, oh, I'm not quite sure if I could do this, something. You always get something out of it. There's always a lesson. There's always maybe someone you meet, there's an opportunity that might come in that went before by. By, you know, just taking that step. Feel the fear and do it anyways.

[Jamie Laing]

I'm so proud of you on that book, really, honestly, because I can feel it on you, and it's amazing and incredible. I think it's going to be so cathartic for you to open up. And the response you're going to get because I. I could. As you said, you fearful going into it because you worry about what people perceive you as and all these different things. I think on the other side, it's going to be the most beautiful experience of your entire life.

[Ashley Roberts]

Thank you. Thank you for saying that it will.

[Jamie Laing]

And I hope it goes to the moon, because it deserves to. And I, after speaking today, I cannot wait to read it and get into breath work because it's the one thing that I promised myself I'll do, and I haven't done it.

[Ashley Roberts]

You should come to a class with me.

[Jamie Laing]

I would love to.

[Ashley Roberts]

You and Sophie, like, you should try it out because, honestly, it's quite magical. I mean, I think.

[Jamie Laing]

So can we make that deal and do that? Okay. Okay. This is a pinky swear. So I'm gonna come. I'm gonna do me and you solo, and we're gonna do it. Yeah. Okay. Here we go. Eight questions. You ready for this?

[Ashley Roberts]

No.

[Jamie Laing]

Okay, good. What's a saying or phrase that makes you smile or cheers you up?

[Ashley Roberts]

Oh, gosh, you put me on the spot. I don't know. What's a good one?

[Jamie Laing]

I love you. That was so cheesy. That was so cheesy.

[Ashley Roberts]

I love you too.

[Jamie Laing]

You want a margarita?

[Ashley Roberts]

Ah, yeah. Caliente margarita. Yes. Oh, my God. I've just become that meme when you're like. When you say, like, gracias at a Mexican restaurant, you're like, por favor margaritas.

[Jamie Laing]

Best compliment anyone's ever given you.

[Ashley Roberts]

You just right now, honestly, because again, this is scary territory for me for, so for you to say you're proud of me. I appreciate that.

[Jamie Laing]

What scares you most about yourself?

[Ashley Roberts]

That I just get in my own way, you know, a lot of the time. And I wish, you know, even with this practice like, that, this is why I have to do this kind of stuff, because there's so much going on. So. Yeah. Did I answer that?

[Jamie Laing]

You did. You answered perfectly. That's it. I totally get it. Apart from today, when was the last time you cried and why?

[Ashley Roberts]

The last time I cried? Yeah. I think writing some of this book has been, you know, a bit emotional. So, again, the most personal I've been. So it's been. Been one of those. Yeah. Processes where I'm like, oh, I'm gonna say that. Okay. Ouch.

[Jamie Laing]

Is it like that and your toes curl and you're just like, oh, yeah, I'm writing it.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah. And then you read it back. Because I'm doing the audiobook at the moment, which is quite exciting. But as I'm reading it out loud, I'm like, oh, gosh. Right, okay. I'm saying this stuff out loud.

[Jamie Laing]

Be brave. It's so important to be. I swear to you, you're going. It's gonna be amazing. I can. I promise you. I promise you.

[Ashley Roberts]

I appreciate that also, because again, what? You. You've. You've been so open.

[Jamie Laing]

I was so scared. Oh, God, do I talk about this? Oh, God, it's just so personal. And I haven't even been in this half of what you've been through, but it's. I promise you. What's something you can't let go of?

[Ashley Roberts]

What can I not let go of? I got this. I've got a stuffed animal from when I was a kid. His name's Barney. And I mean, if something happened to this stuffed animal, I don't know what it would do. Do I sound like a tit?

[Jamie Laing]

Do you keep it in the bed with you?

[Ashley Roberts]

Yes, of course I do. It's been like sewed up so many times. Oh, my God.

[Jamie Laing]

Barney sits in the bed. Yeah, I had something called. I used to have things called silkies.

[Ashley Roberts]

Silkies?

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah, silkies.

[Ashley Roberts]

What is that?

[Jamie Laing]

A big silky, little silky.

[Ashley Roberts]

Is that a blanket?

[Jamie Laing]

It's like a blanket thing.

[Ashley Roberts]

Okay.

[Jamie Laing]

But then you let it go because.

[Ashley Roberts]

That was a grown up thing to do.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah, Common having those silkies in the bed. I would have killed people for those silkies. What's your guilty pleasure?

[Ashley Roberts]

Oh, God. Probably like Real Housewives of Bev Hills, a RuPaul's Drag Race. I mean, honestly, I've. I've watched every single season. It's ridiculous.

[Jamie Laing]

So if you watch them overnight. We're back for the fifth time watching Desperate Housewives for the fifth time.

[Ashley Roberts]

Okay, I haven't gotten into that one. She loves that.

[Jamie Laing]

God, she just. It's crazy.

[Ashley Roberts]

She's pregnant. Let her do it.

[Jamie Laing]

Let her do it. What turns you off?

[Ashley Roberts]

You know, it's interesting what you said, like, about negative people. I feel like that's quite a turn off to me. I mean, I know, like, we've got to be real about our feelings, but also, like, I just feel like that negativity can bring you down.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah.

[Ashley Roberts]

And you gotta stay hopeful in some capacity.

[Jamie Laing]

Always. Always.

[Ashley Roberts]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

What turns you on?

[Ashley Roberts]

Turns me on. You know, dancing, listening to music, being with my friends, my chosen family. Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

What do you like most about yourself?

[Ashley Roberts]

I mean, what, like a physical feature?

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah, anything. Or it can be anything about yourself.

[Ashley Roberts]

Like I said earlier, I hope that I. When people are around me that they feel like they're in a safe space.

[Jamie Laing]

They do.

[Ashley Roberts]

And that they're seen and that there's a bit of joy that's being spread right around. So, okay, Goldie Hawn's like my icon, and I feel like she, like, just exudes like she's the best.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah.

[Ashley Roberts]

So I feel like Goldie Hawn's like, my go to icon.

[Jamie Laing]

Okay. Bonus 1 favorite breathing technique to look for in the book.

[Ashley Roberts]

Oh, my gosh. Honestly, that is like, the hardest question ever. Because I love them. And the thing is, there's different exercises for different. Different things. So if you want, like a bit of dopamine hit, or if you want a bit of serotonin kind of hit, there's different ones. And so depending on how I'm feeling will depend on which exercise I go to. But I love Breath of Fire, so I'll go with that one.

[Jamie Laing]

Breath of Fire.

[Ashley Roberts]

Breath of Fire is. I get it.

[Jamie Laing]

I am Breath of Fire, Honestly.

[Ashley Roberts]

Every day, honey. Every day.

[Jamie Laing]

Ash, you're amazing. I adore you. You're the greatest. Thank you so much for coming.

[Ashley Roberts]

Thank you for having me.

[Jamie Laing]

Oh, my God, what an amazing episode. Oh, yeah, yeah. She's the best.

[Jemima]

Bang, bang, bang. That hit every, every part.

[Jamie Laing]

Fun, emotional, sad. There you go.

[Ashley Roberts]

Well done.

[Jamie Laing]

Well done to you.

[Jemima]

No, I loved it. I loved it. Also, I went to school with a girl called Ashley Roberts, and every time I see her name, I'm always like, I think it's. I think it's the Buzzygat doll, but could be Ashley from English. Shout out, Ashley.

[Jamie Laing]

Shout out. Ashley. We listen. We hope you enjoyed the episode. If you did, please get in touch. We want to hear what you think of it, what guests we should have next. And if you haven't subscribed already, please, please do. It does so many things for us. Get in touch with us on Instagram @GreatCompany podcast. Or you can send us an email. GreatCompanyampoproductions.co.uk okay, we're going to see you next week for another episode of Great Company.

[Ashley Roberts]

Do not do.