BELLE HASSAN: I'm Finally Ready To Tell My Story

Summary

---

Podcast Summary – Great Company with Jamie Laing

Episode: “BELLE HASSAN: I'm Finally Ready To Tell My Story”

Release Date: March 31, 2026
Guest: Belle Hassan
Host: Jamie Laing
Production: JamPot Productions

---

Episode Overview

This deeply candid episode features Belle Hassan, best known from her stints on Love Island and recently Love Island: All Stars. The conversation centers on Belle's experience with reality television, managing mental health under extreme public scrutiny, online abuse, and a personal journey from self-harm to self-acceptance. Belle opens up about the damage and resilience that comes with fame, her complex family dynamics, the manipulations of reality TV production, and why authenticity matters most. Jamie guides the episode with empathy, giving Belle space for raw honesty and reflection.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Toll of Reality TV on Mental Health

• Opening Up About Struggles
  • Belle reveals the “truth” behind her experiences: “I really struggled in there.” (00:17)
  • She discusses facing daily death threats post-show: “Every day it's death threats.” (00:23)
• Impact of Online Abuse
  • Belle describes how online comments often told her to kill herself, which deeply affected her mental state, dragging her back to a dark place she worked hard to overcome (34:12 & 37:39).
  • Jamie emphasizes, “People online don't realize, like, how much their words stick. And words can make a huge impact on someone.” (37:52)

---

2. Production Manipulation & Gameplay in the Villa

• Behind the Scenes Manipulation
  • Belle details how producers encouraged specific stories: “The production had asked me to go for Scott, and I was asking them for a bombshell. I knew they wouldn't put a bombshell in until we'd run that storyline.” (23:10)
  • She shares stories of producer-influenced drama, especially encouraging flirtation or reigniting old arguments for entertainment (16:18; 21:25).
• Cast and Gameplay
  • Belle discusses how contestants, notably Scott, learned about their public perception (e.g., googling press via a dentist visit) and used it for strategic positioning:
    “He started Googling, you know, and the thing is, I said I was going to come on the podcast and expose the truth… he was Googling the football scores. He was Googling the press. So he come in with all this information.” (24:49)
• Naivety and Learning
  • She admits: “I was totally naive to the whole gameplay, and maybe I should have played a game, but then I wouldn't be myself.” (21:12)

---

3. Toxic Relationships and Early Trauma

• Personal Relationship History
  • Belle recounts a formative toxic relationship marked by infidelity and emotional manipulation: “He'd always have a go at me about things, going out…he would always tell me that I looked like [a] prostitute. Sometimes…he was quite aggressive.” (12:25)
• Lasting Impact
  • Jamie explores how this shaped her self-confidence and trust in others. Belle reflects on eventually recognizing that her ex’s behavior was about “how he feels about himself and less about how he feels about me.” (14:58)

---

4. Resilience, Self-Harm, and Therapeutic Healing

• Open Discussion of Self-Harm
  • Belle bravely describes her adolescent struggles: “I really, like, I just hated myself…self harm was a really big thing for me. Like, I hated myself. Like, I just hated myself. Like I always felt bad… I deserve to feel pain, like you're not good enough.” (39:32; 41:18)
  • Jamie offers support, “It's okay, pal.” (41:12)
  • Belle stresses that learning to talk was pivotal: “As soon as I learned and I forced myself to talk about a lot of my issues, I was like, oh, how am I letting my mind get to this point?” (41:59)
• Therapy and Coping Mechanisms
  • She describes working with a therapist: “He always said this to me, close your eyes and all the voices in your head that are kicking off and overthinking, he was like, imagine it's coming out of a radio...put your hand out and turn it down. And that was the first time my mind had ever been silent.” (45:53)
• Reality TV as Trauma Trigger
  • Being in the Villa removed all her usual coping mechanisms, making it a “boiling pot of emotions,” likened to a “hot house” that doesn’t allow for reflection or escape (47:20).

---

5. Family, Support, and the Power of Words

• Relationship With Her Father
  • Belle describes a turbulent but loving bond: “We are the best of friends, but we fight like cat and dog...he’s like my biggest fan.” (31:45)
  • Jamie reads a heartfelt letter from Belle’s dad, praising her for her resilience:
    “Your resilience and your strength is a true credit to you. From the time you were born until now, all you have done is made us proud. ...My beautiful princess, Keep shining. As the time is now yours. ...You are and always will be an inspiration to young women out there.” (32:43)
• Family’s Public Statement
  • Belle’s family posted a message online emphasizing: “You can dislike someone’s behavior, you can disagree, but hateful comments, personal attacks and threats are never okay. ...The impact of words can last far longer.” (50:39)

---

6. Owning Her Story and Using Her Platform for Good

• Intentions for Her Platform
  • Belle clarifies that her hope is to help others: “The main reason I ever wanted. My platform was to sit and help young girls and guys that are going through it and to be a voice of understanding for them.” (47:20)
  • She has previously run a live series supporting young people with mental health and urges others to “grow from that.” (48:26)
• On Not Apologizing for Authenticity
  • Belle: “Those parts of you guys, the parts of me that you guys hate, I love. I love that I'm fiery...I love that I speak the truth. ...Everything I do, I do with pure intentions.” (51:13)

---

7. Coping, Self-Care, and Moving Forward

• Post-Show Healing
  • Belle discusses prioritizing rest, mental health, and gentle self-care as her body and mind recover from the TV show trauma (48:54).
  • “I've dissociated a lot from what happened in there. I've forgotten a lot of things. ...I was waking up having nightmares. ...Having anxiety attacks in my sleep.” (49:56)
• Healthy Relationships
  • She shares gratitude for Harrison (her partner on the show): “He really had my back, and he stood by me, and I couldn't have asked for better. ...He stood strong for me when I couldn't stand strong for myself.” (54:01)

---

8. Closing Quick-Fire Questions (58:24+)

A playful segment that brings lightness after a heavy conversation:

• Motto that cheers her up: “Charge it. Let's go.” (58:32)
• Best compliment: “I've got a good aura.” (58:38)
• What scares her about herself: “My mind.” (58:47)
• Last time she cried: “About three seconds ago.” (58:52)
• Guilty pleasure: “Watching Big Brother. Really, it's always been my dream, that one.” (59:18)
• What turns her off/on: “Fake people.” / “Real people, emotionally vulnerable people.” (59:31, 59:35)
• What she likes about herself: “How authentic I am and how comfortable I am in being who I am.” (59:41)

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Online Hate:

  “Every day people, like, I'm not understanding why you won't do it. …You don't have a career anymore. …Just die. …I have felt like the world would be a better place if I wasn't here. …Reading that was quite triggering for me…”
  — Belle (34:12, 37:39)

• On Reality TV Manipulation:

  “I was called into the beach hut where we speak to producers, and they were like, look, we want you to go after Scott… I went, you're going to make me look mental. I'm not doing it.”
  — Belle (23:10)

• On Self-Harm and Recovery:

  “I've been to the depths of hell with my own mind. Like, I've seen the darkest parts of me and the darkest—the horrible bits that you never want anyone to see...”
  — Belle (41:59)

• On Being Unapologetically Herself:

  “I will always...be working on myself and trying to improve… but those parts of me that you guys hate, I love. I love that I'm fiery. I love that I'm outspoken. I love that I speak the truth.”
  — Belle (51:13)

• From Her Dad’s Letter:

  “Your resilience and your strength is a true credit to you. …You are and always will be an inspiration to young women out there. Ignore the negative and always concentrate and focus on the positive.”
  — Jamie, reading Belle’s father's letter (32:43)

---

Key Timestamps

• 00:17 – Belle begins to tell “the truth” about her struggles
• 09:32 – On her father’s support (and his one rule for Love Island)
• 12:25 – Details of a toxic relationship
• 16:08-21:12 – The Lucinda, Sean, and Scott “gameplay” drama
• 23:10 – Inside production pressure to drive narratives
• 34:12 & 37:39 – The emotional and psychological toll of online threats
• 41:18 – Intimate details of her self-harm journey
• 45:53 – The healing power of therapy visualization
• 47:20 – Why using her story and platform matters
• 50:39 – The importance of family and the impact of words
• 51:13 – Final message to haters and standing firm in her personality
• 54:01 – Relationship with Harrison
• 58:24-60:25 – Quick-fire questions for Belle

---

Tone & Takeaways

The episode is emotional, urgent, raw, and compassionate. Both Jamie and Belle maintain a conversational and sometimes irreverent tone, but do not shy away from darkness or vulnerability. The overall message is one of radical honesty—the cost of reality TV stardom, the importance of genuine self-expression, the value of seeking mental health help, and the necessity of kindness (online and offline).

Belle aims to reclaim her narrative, not as a victim but as a survivor, teacher, and advocate for anyone wrestling with mental illness or harsh public judgment.

---

If you or anyone you know is struggling with mental health or self-harm, please check the show notes for support links or seek help from a qualified professional.

---

Transcript

[Jamie]

Guys, just before we start, we wanted to let you know that this episode contains discussions of suicide and self harm. Please take care whilst listening to this episode. If you or someone you know is struggling, support is available. Click the show notes for the links.

[Bel Hassan]

I said I was gonna come on the podcast and expose the truth, so here I am. I really struggled in there.

[Jamie]

You doing okay now?

[Bel Hassan]

Every day it's death threats.

[Jamie]

That's awful. Belle, I'm so sorry.

[Bel Hassan]

You know, like, you don't deserve to be happy and I don't know why in my mind I felt like that.

[Jamie]

You have mentioned mental health and everything you've been through. So we can understand, Belle, what have been your experiences?

[Bel Hassan]

Hey, I'm Belle Hassan and I'm in great company. Please welcome Love island superstar, Bel Hassan. I'm going to kick off so the public vote me out. Everybody's playing a game. This house is a mess. One of the girls said to Lucinda, is this real? He got hold of a phone. What you don't see is this is so much gossip. By the way, I'm trying to make it make sense. I really struggled this time around with the show. I was asking to leave for weeks. I was going to see a psych. She would kind of assess my triggers. I'd go back into the house and then all of a sudden I'm placed in a situation where all of the triggers she's just analyzed are in front of me.

[Jamie]

It feels like you have a little bit of ptsd.

[Bel Hassan]

I never knew how to speak about my emotions.

[Jamie]

So how would you express it with self harm?

[Bel Hassan]

It was a really long road for me and I think when people see this loud, this big hurricane character. I came home and I was like, my body is shutting down, Mum. I'm struggling.

[Jamie]

Do you regret doing it?

[Grow Therapy Advertiser]

History shows women keep showing up for everyone every day. But who's showing up for you? Grow Therapy helps you put your mental health first with therapy that's covered by insurance and better built to support you. Whether it's your first time in therapy or your 50th. Grow makes it easier to find a therapist who fits you, not the other way around. You can search by what matters like insurance, specialty, identity or availability and get started in as little as two days. There are no subscriptions, no long term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow helps you find therapy on your time. Whatever challenges you're facing, GrowTherapy is here to help. Grow accepts over 100 insurance plans, including Medicaid in some states. Sessions average about $21 with insurance and some pay as little as $0 depending on their plan. Visit growththerapy.com acast to get started. That's growththerapy.com acast growththerapy.com acast availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

[Strawberry Me Advertiser]

Lets be completely honest. Are you happy with your job? The fact is, a huge number of people can't say yes to that. Too many of us are stuck in a job we've outgrown or one we never really wanted in the first place. But we stick it out and we give reasons like what if the next move is worse? And I've put years into this place and maybe the most common one. Isn't everyone miserable at work? But there's a difference between reasons for staying and excuses for not leaving. It's time to get unstuck. It's time for Strawberry Me. They match you with a certified career coach who helps you get from where you are to where you want to be, either at your existing job or by helping you find a new one. Your coach helps clarify your goals, creates a plan, and keeps you accountable along the way. Go to Strawberry Me Career and get 50% off your first coaching session. That's Strawberry Me slash Career.

[Elizabeth Day]

Hello, I'm Elizabeth Day, the creator and host of how to Fail. It's the podcast that celebrates the things in life that haven't gone right and what, if anything, we've learned from those mistakes to help us succeed better. Each week, my guests share three failures sparking intimate, thought provoking and funny conversations. You'll hear from a diverse range of voices sharing what they've learned through their failures. Join me Wednesdays for a new episode each week. This is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment original podcast. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.

[Bel Hassan]

With endless scroll algorithms and AI flooding feeds, podcasting stands out. They're sought, not served. Audiences actively choose to hear trusted voices on topics they care about. In fact, 72% of listeners say podcasts shape cultural conversations. For marketers, that means podcasts shift brand perception like no other channel. Acast's podcast Pulse 2025 report has the proof. Get all the [e-mail]

[Jamie]

Guys, welcome back to another episode of Great Company. Firstly, thank you so much for coming back and if you're someone new, welcome to the show. Okay, today's episode is a big one because we have Bel Hassan on the show. Bel was recently on Love Island All Stars and if I'm honest, we can say she had a bit of a tricky time on it. She was involved in a lot of the arguments. She was involved in a lot of the drama on the show. And then when she left the show, she also was involved with a lot of online hate, a lot of trolls, a lot of people commenting on everything from her attitude on the show, as well as her looks and everything. And she's had a really tough time during that. Now, this is a really sensitive because I know a lot of people have different opinions. A lot of people have opinions which are probably positive towards Bell. A lot of opinions which are probably not positive. But hopefully this is an episode that really irons out a lot of different things. Now, before we start, I just want to say two quick things really excitingly. Sophie and I have our brand new show streaming on Disney. Okay. It's called Raising Chelsea, Jamie and Sophie Next Chapter. It is a year and a half of filming put into these episodes, and we are so proud. It's incredible. It follows us before the birth of the birth of our baby and pregnancy and everything, and now life after. It's incredible. It's on Disney. It's launching April 2nd. April 2nd. Okay. So you can go and watch it on Disney on April 2nd. You won't be disappointed. It's one for the family. It's everything. So if you go and do that, I will love you forever. The second thing is, if you haven't clicked the follow or subscribe button, it does us wonders. It means we can keep making the show, keep delivering on the guests, keep making the show better and better for you each week, because we love doing it. If you can do that and follow everyone else that's doing it, that would be amazing. This is a really delicate episode with Bel, and I really want to thank Bel for taking her time to sit down with me. Okay, here is the episode with Bel Hasan on Great Company. Hi, Bell.

[Bel Hassan]

I'm so nervous. Look at you already. I'm so nervous. I know.

[Jamie]

Let me know. It's gonna be great. I think we should start with, like, being honest with each other, right?

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

So we've never met.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

When you met me, did you think I was gonna be taller or shorter?

[Bel Hassan]

Do you know what? I'm a giant.

[Jamie]

You're not a giant.

[Bel Hassan]

I'm probably about six' one, six' two in these hills.

[Jamie]

So we're similar height.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah. So I was actually really surprised at how tall. How old are you?

[Jamie]

Well, look, I have a theory, Right?

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

That when I don't sleep enough, I shrink.

[Bel Hassan]

Right.

[Jamie]

And I think this is. I think this is true.

[Bel Hassan]

It's not.

[Jamie]

It is.

[Bel Hassan]

I don't Sleep. I'm still a giant.

[Jamie]

You're the opposite then.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah. When I don't sleep, I grow.

[Jamie]

Because when I sleep, I'm taller.

[Bel Hassan]

Right.

[Jamie]

But when I don't sleep, I'm a little bit shorter. But I think on, like, a good day, I roll around at, like, five nine.

[Bel Hassan]

Right, okay. Well, that's all right. Thanks for watching. Love that.

[Jamie]

Yeah.

[Bel Hassan]

Love it.

[Jamie]

Yeah, it's good, right?

[Bel Hassan]

Love that.

[Jamie]

My wife is like. So when my wife wears heels, she's taller than me. And then when we could do, like, a party trick where Sophie could be like, oh, Jamie hasn't arrived for the party yet. And then I can walk in underneath her legs. And I'd be like, no, I'm here. Oh, right.

[Bel Hassan]

Okay.

[Jamie]

That's our party trick.

[Bel Hassan]

We do. We love it. I wondered where you was going with that then.

[Jamie]

Do you have a party trick?

[Bel Hassan]

Do I have a party trick? I feel like they asked me this in the villa and I had one. Oh, I can peel a banana with my toes. I can tie, you know, the cherry stalk with my tongue. And I'm all right at accents.

[Jamie]

Okay. You're good with accents.

[Bel Hassan]

I'm okay.

[Jamie]

Hit me with an Australian one, straight up.

[Bel Hassan]

G', day, mate. How are you? I do prefer, like, American.

[Jamie]

Okay.

[Bel Hassan]

That's probably better for me, but it's very la. I used to live there, so, so.

[Jamie]

Oh, you used. Whereabouts in LA did you live?

[Bel Hassan]

I don't really know. I was so young. I went to school there. It's like California, L.A. los Angeles, you know, just outside the center.

[Jamie]

So wait until how old?

[Bel Hassan]

I lived there until. It was only for a year. My dad was working there and I lived there. How old was I? About 12. 11. 12.

[Jamie]

Cause your dad's a bit of a legend.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah, he is.

[Jamie]

He's a famous actor.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

And he was. He's kind of. He was in sort of. He's sort of like a gangster sort of movies and things like that. And I remember growing up watching his films and then seeing you then go on Love island and then seeing your dad was. I was like, get out of here.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah, Yeah. A lot of people were quite excited, and everyone was like, how is this man, who's quite a hard character, let his daughter go on national television on Love Island. And I think he was just like, no sex on telly. Do not do that to me. And I was like, I'm not doing that anyway, because that's not my business. I don't want that. But, yeah, that was the one rule. No sex on telly. Other than that, he's been fine.

[Jamie]

I read that your dad played a part with you getting on Love island back in 2019. Is that right?

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

So what did he say? Explain that to me.

[Bel Hassan]

So it basically happened, right? I was with someone. We had a really toxic ending, and he cheated on me, and it was really bad. And in an argument with him, I was like, you know what? Fuck you. I'm going on Love Island. And he was like, you can't do that. And I was like, you cheated on me. You did this. I'm going on Love Island. I. I meant nothing by it. It was just all me just talking shit. I told my dad about this argument, and he called me a couple of weeks later and was like, you know, you said about doing Love Island, I'm actually sat with someone who knows, a producer. Would you do it? So I was like, yeah, all right. I'll have the call with them. And then they were like, yeah, we love her. We want to get her in. But the season had already started, so they were like, the earliest we can get her in is Cassia and Moore. Would she do it? And I was like, oh, no, I can't do that. Anyway, did it. Had a great time. First time round.

[Jamie]

Wait, Bill. But I knew that. So hang on a second.

[Bel Hassan]

You're like, let's just rewind this.

[Jamie]

Let's just rewind this. So you were in a relationship for three years?

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

In love. Love this person?

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

Your first love?

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah, I would probably say so. Yeah.

[Jamie]

Right. So it's that. It's that intense love, Right. When we're all young, where you just don't really know where you're turning left, right, up, down. And it's like, everything from, like, fiery to, like, everything's exaggerated, right?

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

Well, he. He then cheated on you.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah. So he went. He went away for work, and I got a message, you know, hey, girl, just wondering if you're still so and so. And I'm like, oh, here we go. Seen this one before. So I replied to her. Her friends had photos of them kissing in the club. This, that, and the other. He denied it a lot. It was a lot. And I think I was quite young at the time as well. Didn't really understand about, you know, I think in the last few years, this thing of understanding narcissistic behavior patterns, right, has become so popular and so spoken about, and people are so open about it. So people having narcissistic traits now, you can spot them because so many people are talking openly about them at that time. I had no idea. So, like these narcissistic traits that you had, I didn't even realize. Like I didn't even know. So I could have spotted the signs before that and didn't.

[Jamie]

Like, what was he doing that was narcissistic, would you say?

[Bel Hassan]

You know, he was a little bit controlling. Like he'd always have a go at me about things going out. Like if I wore certain clothes, he would always tell me that I looked like prostitute. Sometimes he would say if I had a bit of cleavage out, you know, he. He was quite aggressive a lot of the time and I kind of bypass that. Cause I'm used to having strong men around me. So I'm like, oh, maybe he's just passionate, you know, like, oh, it's fine,

[Jamie]

you're making excuse for it.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah. And I think I so desperately wanted to be loved and to love him that I just missed it all. And you know, he would lie a lot. He'd lie all the time about things. He would do something to me and then gaslight me and pretend it never happened. And I used to think I was going mad. And it was only when my mom actually heard it because he didn't realize my mum was in the house. And I was like, oh, my mom, when he's gaslighting you, this is not normal. Like I heard what he did and now he's lying and saying he didn't do it. So you know, he'd do a lot of that. And I think I went through such a stage of being like, I'm the problem, it's me. I'm. I'm a nightmare, I'm a problem, I'm hard to love, no one will love me, you know. And he used to sort of say things and kind of like subconsciously implement that to me.

[Jamie]

How does that relationship affect your self confidence?

[Bel Hassan]

I think at the time it massively did. Now, not so much. Like, I think with relationships like that, you learn from them, you grow from them. You understand? Okay, hang on a minute. You can't keep sitting here trying to make me feel like I'm unlovable. No, you're the problem. You know, like we all do things wrong. You know, I'm not a perfect person. I never have been, I never will be. You know, we've all got our issues and you know, I'm a bit mad. I do lose my shit and I'll never hide that. Cause that's who I am, you know. And I think when I left that relationship, it was more the trust issues with other men. I was like, he lied so much about this whole cheating thing. The way I found out was like an assault course. It was like crazy having to get the truth out. And, you know, it's like, it happens. You know, every woman you speak to, probably 99% have had a toxic relationship or someone, make them feel like they're unlovable. But what I learned as I got older is that's just a reflection of how he feels about himself and less about how he feels about me. And it took me a long time to realize that.

[Jamie]

If we take it back to the beginning, right, you. You went on Love Island 2019, and you're known as, like, Hurricane Belle, right? This person. And as we've found out, right, you see, is what you get. And I can vouch for that. Right. Like, today, you're authentic, you're real. And you're also kind and lovely and warm and all these things. Right? So. But we all have our, like, vice. We all do the things we do. Like, some people go introverted, some people laugh, some people cry. We all do our different things. So you're known as Hurricane Belle because you have these emotions. You go into Love Island All Stars, and we, the producers, know, you know, maybe the other cast members know that you have this temper. So there's an element perhaps, where, you know, they want to lean into that because it makes great TV and it's exciting and it's fun for a viewer. Now, what I need. So what happens in the Villa, for anyone who doesn't understand, is you were sort of coupling up with Sean.

[Bel Hassan]

Yep.

[Jamie]

And you were. It felt like you were on a good sort of run together. You then go to the USA Villa within Love in the show. You come back, and Sean basically says to you that he wanted to couple up with Lucinda.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

Talk me through that moment and why that was upsetting and why the reaction happened the way it did. Just so we understand from your point

[Bel Hassan]

of view, when we went to USA Villa, me and Sean were in a really good place. Cause we'd been a bit up and down, sort of on and off, and we were in a really good place. And, you know, I wasn't. When we go to USA Villa, you're not allowed to say bye. You literally, they were like, you're going to USA Villa. Get out. That's it. Quickly go. So when I'd come back, so we were there for, I think it was three days. So in the first two days, like

[Jamie]

a lifetime in a show like that.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah, it feels like seven years. But when I'D got back to. Obviously, I didn't do anything. And I was like, no, I'm gonna go back before I explore anything with anyone else. I know we're not closed off, but I wanna be respectful, go and have that conversation with him, see what he's saying and that kind of thing. When I go back, I knew that the producers wanted me to have fun. And they were like, have fun. Have a flirt. Do this. You know, like, they're like, enjoy it. You're in the USA Villa. Enjoy it.

[Jamie]

And this is what we're not seeing as a viewer. Yeah. We're not seeing producers come and say to you.

[Grow Therapy Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Bel Hassan]

So they'. You know, like, you have producers on set at all times. So they're like, have fun. Go enjoy it. Do your thing. And I just couldn't because for me, my respect for Shawn, I was like, I just can't. And when I got back, I found out that Shawn and Lucinda both had been upset about me and Tommy for two of the days. And on the last day, all of a sudden, there was this big change that Lucinda wanted to be with Shawn. And I don't know if it was aired or not, but there was a conversation, I think it was between. It was. I think, Helena, Sammy and Lucinda. I definitely know Sammy was in that. I'm not sure if Helena was there at this point, but there was definitely a conversation that was had. And one of the girls said to Lucinda, is this real? Because you know that them two are, you know, getting on. They've got feelings for each other and everything's really good. So are you doing this because you're bored, or are you doing this because, like, you really like him? She was like, oh, well, I fancy him. But, yeah, like, no, it's not serious. And the girls were like, is it really worth upsetting Belle for a storyline? Because let's have it right. That's what it is at this point. And she was like, well, yeah, like, I need to do what I need to do. So I'm then assuming I'm like, have the production sort of said to her to do that? Have they not? Is she just wanting storyline? Because it's getting boring over there, what's going on here, you know? And just with Sean, I just had enough of him. He was just pissing me off. Like, he just was on, off, on, off. Every time I try and talk to someone new, he'd come back and then want things to go ahead. Then when we're together, he'd find someone else. And I just. I think Guys are just. Well, I say guys. Some guys, I like that they sort of don't want you, but don't you to move on. So I think that's where a lot of that come from. And, you know, I've been through a lot of hurt with guys. So when I said to him, there

[Jamie]

was a line and trust is gone.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah. And I was like, I've given you nothing but respect and I've been there for you. You know, there were so many scenes where, you know, when Sean called Scott a bully and I backed him and I stood up for him and, you know, he was crying. He was in a really bad way, Sean. And when we go to bed, you know, there were nights where he was crying and he was upset, and he was like, I'm really struggling, like, because of my previous experience with Love island wasn't good. Like, he was so in his head. And I was like, just relax, it's fine. You know, I was really there for him. So I felt like he'd sort of betrayed that loyalty we had for each other and that, yeah, you know, maybe that's a subconscious trigger for me from previous partners. You know, I have been cheated on, I have been hurt. And, you know, last year when I split up, my most recent ex, that was horrendous. The breakup was horrendous. So, yeah, there probably was a lot of triggers that came out there that I was probably quite unaware that I had.

[Jamie]

And loyalty and respect is a big thing for you, right?

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah, yeah, massive. More than anything.

[Jamie]

Yeah. Because from a. And what I want to try and do, like, right. Is like. Is like, balance it out. Right. Because what you're saying there is. You're having this authentic, real experience where you're saying, well, hang on a second. Loyalty and trust is a big thing for me. I'm not going to do that to Sean. I'm not going to do that. But then on the other side, you're watching someone who you perhaps think is being more. Playing more of a game. So you're saying, well, hang on, my emotions are being hurt here on the back of just playing a game.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

But then the argument would be on the other side is, wait, this is an entertainment show.

[Bel Hassan]

So you.

[Jamie]

So you. So you have to accept these things are going to happen.

[Bel Hassan]

And I think I was very naive to that being in there. You know, I went in and was me. I went in and I didn't play a game. And, you know, towards the end of the show, I started understanding, ah, okay, this is what it is. You know, we'd all move past certain situations, there'd be a game to bring it all back up. So I'm like, okay. You start to understand, like, oh, okay, you know, this is what they want. This is what they're looking for, you know, And I definitely. I hold my hands up. I was totally naive to the whole gameplay, and maybe I should have played a game, but then I wouldn't be myself.

[Jamie]

But viewers really backed you, right? Especially when that thing happened with Sean, and people were sort of saying, you're great, you're amazing. And that's hard because then it then suddenly switches. And so you go from the people's champion to then people saying, well, you are. You're being this. Whatever they think. Wanna call the words bully and a hypocrite.

[Bel Hassan]

The thing is, with me and Sean, we were in a very good place. But for me, when. It's hard, isn't it? Because how much do you give away about what producers have said and things like that? But with Shaun and Lucinda, they were. We were together. We were very, like. We were in a couple. We were happy. Everything was going well. She actually said to me out of her own mouth, well, it wouldn't have happened if you didn't leave. So that for me is like, oh, so you'd only do that behind my back? So I didn't like that. You know, that was why I had an issue with her. And also, we were in a good place. She knew that she had multiple opportunities to get to know him when we wasn't in a good place and she didn't want to. Whereas with me and Scott and the Leanne situation, me, Leanne and Whitney were really close. Really close. And when Leanne made the decision to go after Yamon, me and Whitney were like, whoa, hold on. What the hell? What's happened there? Like, we're a trio. So when Whitney said, you've laid the foundations here. Every man for themselves, we was like, okay, fine. But the production had asked me to go for Scott, and I was asking them for a bombshell. I was like, will you please just put a bombshell in? And I knew they wouldn't put a bombshell in until we'd run that storyline.

[Jamie]

Explain that to me so I understand.

[Bel Hassan]

So I was called into the beach hut where we speak to producers, and they were like, look, we want you to go after Scott. And I'm like, what do you mean, go after Scott? Like, me and Scott are friends. And they were like, we heard the conversation he had with you on the way over to The USA villa, but we can't air it. You're still mic'd, but the. The cameras are not on you because we were traveling over the USA villas on the same plot of land as the main villa.

[Jamie]

And what was said?

[Bel Hassan]

And he was like, I want to be with you. I like you. Like, let's just couple up. And I was like, what are you talking about? And I didn't say anything to anyone because obviously I was like, at this point, me and Liam were still really close. So I'm like, what are you talking about? And I was like, I'm not even gonna say that on camera because you're gonna look, like, mental. Like, I'm not. What the hell? So when he said this, I was like. So the producers had called me in and gone, we want you to go for that. Like, we think that'd be really good. Like, you and Scott, like, he's always flirting with you. He's always saying things to you. And I went, you're going to make me look mental. I'm not doing it. And I was like, just put a bombshell in. They were like, oh, well, we don't know if we've got any more bombshells coming in. And I was like, oh, for God's sakes. And I think we've Scotland, like, you know, everyone says he's a game player because he got hold of a phone when he went to the dentist and he started Googling, you know, and the thing is, I said I was going to come on the podcast and expose the truth. So here I am. He did say that he went. He went to the dentist and he got hold of a phone, or he was asking the dentist to Google things for him. He told me this. He told Kieran and he told Helena.

[Jamie]

And what did he say? He was Googling.

[Bel Hassan]

He was Googling the football scores. He was Googling the press. So he come in with all this information.

[Jamie]

So he was basically saying, football score is great, but the. The press, the press. So could you see what narrative was happening?

[Bel Hassan]

Yes. So he basically had looked up who was the favorite at the time. And at the time, he said, you was. I was the favorite girl. So he was like, that's why they're trying to run this story. Because I told Scott and Leanne, I said, listen, production are asking me to go after Scott. I want to let you know that first, Leanne knew this and so did Scott.

[Jamie]

Wait. And the dentist was before Love Island Villa. I mean, the USA Love Island Villa. Or after.

[Bel Hassan]

He went a few times, he went A few times to Dennis, he had. I think it was like a cracked tooth root canal. So he had to keep going back. So. Right, so.

[Jamie]

And hang on, just so I understand. So he. So he sees that you're the favorite at this point. So.

[Bel Hassan]

Right.

[Jamie]

So in his eyes, in his mind, he's going, well, maybe I should go for Belle, because she's the favorite. And therefore, that's gonna be a good storyline, because she's the favorite and I wanna be the favorite guy.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah. So I think he was very calculated and he knew, like, if you were vaping out the front, it couldn't be seen. So there was. When me and Scott were out the front vaping, well, I snazzed. We both snores. And he laid down and he was like, yeah, I'm gonna check when I go to the dentist. And I was like, dentist? He was like, what the fuck? So I was like, oh, my God, what is going on? And he kept going to me, just give me 48 hours, because I need to make the storyline look good so that I don't look mad. And then what I found out when we left the villa was he grabbed Whitney. This is so much gossip, by the way. I'm trying to make it make sense.

[Jamie]

No, it's making sense. Trust me, this is making sense. It's just a lot to.

[Bel Hassan]

Him and Whitney were close. And he went to Whitney, I really like her. Like, genuinely, I really like Bel. I really like her. So it's gone from me being like, the production asked me to come for you. And he's like, oh, do you want to run the storyline? I'm like, no, not really. But they're not going to put a bombshell in until we run this storyline. So, like, help me. I told Leanne that. I told him that. And he said to Whitney, I really like her. Like, I actually really like her. This came after a conversation he had with Harrison when Harrison walked in and he went, who's the favorite girl? And Harrison went, belle. So he'd said that to Whitney. And Whitney went, well, if you really like her, like, just go for her. And he went, I can't, I can't. So he made Whitney have that conversation with him on camera saying, pick bell. Because he actually. She went, I was trying to help my friend out.

[Jamie]

Wow.

[Bel Hassan]

Then when. When Harrison come in, he then asked. He said, belle was a favorite girl. And Harrison went. He then asked me. He went, I really like her. I'm gonna make a move. And Harrison went on who? And he went, belle. And he went, well, at that point, I really liked you, so I didn't want him going for you. And I know all he cares about is public perception, so I told him the public just want him and Leanne to be together. He went that night, he went and got in bed and kissed her. So I was like, what? I was like, harrison, what the hell? We went, well, I wanted to be with you. And I knew if I said that the public wanted you and Scott together, he'd have gone for you, and I wanted you. So I'm like, what kind of gameplay is going on in this house? I'm losing it. I was losing it. And then he went and got in bed with Leanne that night and kissed her. And Sammy then explained everything to Leanne. She went, well, I know. Look, it's fine. And then, you know, when Harrison come in, we had really good chat, and I was like, oh, I like him. And the producers wouldn't let me go for it. They wouldn't let him talk to me because they wanted to run this Scott storyline. And I'm like, but why can't I just be happy and move on with someone that I like? Him and Liana. Scott and Liana are back on track. I'm happy with that. And they were just sort of trying to push that storyline. I'm like, this is what I said to you. I was so naive at the play in the game. So when it got towards the end, I'm like, everybody's playing a game. This house is a mess. I literally at times felt like I was in a psych ward. There was so much going on, and I'm like, oh, my God. I don't know who to trust. I don't know where to look. I don't know. I don't like. I knew Whitney and Sammy were my girls. I knew I could trust them for anything. And then I'm like, who's real? Who isn't? What's going on? Are the producers trying to make me look like I'm mad? Cause when my dad came on that screen, I knew. I knew.

[Jamie]

Why? Why did you know?

[Bel Hassan]

I just can tell. I know my dad and his face. I was like, oh, shit, they've done me dirty here.

[Grow Therapy Advertiser]

History shows women keep showing up for everyone every day. But who's showing up for you? Grow. Therapy helps you put your mental health first. With therapy that's covered by insurance and built to support you, whether it's your first time in therapy or your 50th grow makes it easier to find a therapist who fits you not the other way around. You can search by what matters like insurance, specialty, identity or availability and get started in as little as two days. There are no subscriptions, no long term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow helps you find therapy on your time. Whatever challenges you're facing. GrowTherapy is here to help. Grow accepts over 100 insurance plans, including Medicaid in some states. Sessions average about $21 with insurance and some pay as little as $0 depending on their plan. Visit growththerapy.com acast to get started. That's growththerapy.com acast Growth acast availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

[Strawberry Me Advertiser]

Lets be completely honest. Are you happy with your job? The fact is, a huge number of people can't say yes to that. Too many of us are stuck in a job we've outgrown or one we never really wanted in the first place. But we stick it out and we give reasons like what if the next move is worse? And I've put years into this place and maybe the most common one. Isn't everyone miserable at work? But there's a difference between reasons for staying and excuses for not leaving. It's time to get unstuck. It's time for Strawberry Me. They match you with a certified career coach who helps you get from where you are to where you want to be, either at your existing job or by helping you find a new one. Your coach helps clarify your goals, creates a plan and keeps you accountable along the way. Go to Strawberry Me Career and get 50% off your first coaching session. That's Strawberry Me slash Career.

[Elizabeth Day]

Hello, I'm Elizabeth Day, the creator and host of how to Fail. It's the podcast that celebrates the things in life that haven't gone right and what, if anything, we've learned from those mistakes to help us succeed better. Each week, my guests share three failures sparking intimate, thought provoking and funny conversations you'll hear from a diverse range of voices sharing what they've learned through their failures. Join me Wednesdays for a new episode each week. This is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment original podcast. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.

[Jamie]

What's your relationship like with your dad?

[Bel Hassan]

My relationship with my dad we are the best of friends, but we fight like cat and dog. Like me and my dad are so similar. We deal with things in the same way and we do butt heads. But he's like my biggest fan. He's like my best friend. Like I can go to him about anything. I think as I've got older, I've started realizing that actually. Hang on a minute. He's my dad, he's my best friend. I can tell him anything. Whereas when I was younger, I was like, oh God, he's gonna have a go at me. He's gonna tell me off. I don't know why I felt like that, but I did. But yeah, we're like, we're close. We're really close.

[Jamie]

Because we asked your dad to write you a letter?

[Bel Hassan]

Oh, no.

[Jamie]

Because I think in, you know, especially because you've been dealing with a lot. Right. But I think it's important for you sometimes to realize that there's a lot of noise that goes on the outside, but actually what matters is what's on your inner circle.

[Bel Hassan]

Right.

[Jamie]

So we asked your dad and he said this. He said, I just want to say how super proud I am of you, Balsi. Your resilience and your strength is a true credit to you. From the time you were born until now, all you have done is made us proud. You have faced so many challenges in your life and you have overcome them all. From self harming to mental health problems, your strength in believing who you are has always pulled you through. My beautiful princess, Keep shining. As the time is now yours. You are and always will be an inspiration to young women out there. And as I've witnessed so many women telling me how amazing you are, ignore the negative and always concentrate and focus on the positive. You've got this.

[Bel Hassan]

Oh, that's sweet.

[Jamie]

Isn't that amazing?

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah, that is really sweet.

[Jamie]

I mean, I think sometimes because, you know, the reason we're having this conversation today is for lots of reasons, but one of the big things is that you have just come out of love under all stars.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

And that is an entertainment show. Right. And lots of things happen on it. But you've received a lot of negative comments and a lot of abuse online, which is really hard. And I think it's really important in these situations like this is to. To remember that a lot of that noise that happens is not always that important. And what you have to focus on is the people around you. And look how like proud your dad is of you.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah, no, I know. You know, like I said, dad's like my biggest fan. You know, I could do no wrong in his eyes. But for me, I think with the hate when I come out, I don't care what people think of me. You know, I'm who I am. And the people that understand me, I know they get it because I know they've been through it. So you Know, I can only be me. I can't change. You know, I've done so much healing work on myself and things like that. And you know, I'll get into that, but with the hate and stuff, I have struggled a lot with mental health, really, like through my teenage years. And I have people like every day. It's death threats, it's, why can't you just hurry up and die? Like you've had self harm problems before. Just hurry up and kill yourself. Why will you not just kill yourself? I don't get why you wouldn't kill yourself. And it's like every day people like, I'm not understanding why you won't do it. Like, do you not get it? You don't have a career anymore. You don't have this, you don't have that. Everyone hates you. Just die. And you know, for me reading that, even though I've overcome a lot of my battles with mental health, that took me back to a place where I was like in that mindset. And I have felt, and I have felt like the world would be a better place if I wasn't here. So reading that was quite, I want to say, triggering for me, you know, and I get it. You put yourself on a TV show, we all know what we sign up for, but a lot of this is done for entertainment. And I think people don't see that, you know, and I'm not a victim. I know who I am. I know what I did, I know what I said and I'm. That's who I am. But for me, I think with the show, what a lot of people didn't see is that the reactive abuse that was going on quite a lot, and especially with certain people, they're prodding and prodding and prodding and prodding and prodding and prodding and doing little things. And with reactive abusers, often the victim looks like a bully or they look like the aggressor because people don't always see what they're doing because it's subtle and it's quiet. And then the one that's loudest looks like the aggressor, but it's not. And you know, there were multiple times where I walked out and was like, I can't do this anymore. I want to go home, I need to leave. This is no good for me. I need to get out of here. You know, they clipped something where Lucinda was following me around and I'm like, just because you put funny music over the top of that clip and make it a joke online and make it a meme that doesn't take away from the fact that that's reactive abuse. You're following me around to get a reaction. You're trying to get that big kickoff, you know, and when I'm saying this to the producers, I did feel like I'm asking for help. And you're not. You're not helping. You know, I was going to see a psych, and I felt like when I see the psych, she would kind of assess my triggers. I'd go back into the house, and then all of a sudden, I'm placed in a situation where all of the triggers she's just analyzed are in front of me, you know, so then I'm like, I don't know who to trust. I completely lost my mind. Like, completely lost it in there. But I really struggled this time around with the show.

[Jamie]

Well, Bel, firstly, I'm so sorry. I'm like, it. Getting that abuse online is just horrendous. And, yeah, people online don't realize, like, how much their words stick.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

And words can make a huge impact on someone. That's first thing. The second thing I want to say is when you're. When you're going through that, I know you can go to a really dark place.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

But it's really important. You just keep moving forward and you keep putting one foot in front of the other. And letters like that from your dad show how much you are loved and how much people care about you and how incredible and amazing you are. And so thank you for being so honest. But also, you need to make sure that your. This too shall pass and everything will be okay. And you do know that.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah, I know. And I think when I first got my phone back, I looked at a few things, and I'm like, how have they made that look like that? You know, like. And I think people, a lot of the thing online is, oh, watch her come out and blame the edit. I'm not blaming the edit. Like, I stand by what I did, you know? Like, I stand by that, and I stand by my reactions because I know they're valid. What I don't stand by is how much they missed out, you know? Like, I'm not media trained. I'm not PR trained. So what you see is what you get, you know? And I think with. With the whole. This bully narrative, I'm like, how is this. How. How. How have we got here?

[Jamie]

And explain. This is so. So I understand. And, you know, your dad said it in the letter. He, you know, he mentioned. And you have Mentioned mental health and everything you've been through. So if you could just take me back so. So we can understand Bell. Exactly. Because yeah, you are fiery Bell. And you do. Yeah, you find it hard to keep your emotions down. And some people just say, well, why can't you hold your emotions in? Why don't you be more, you know, relaxed in certain situations? So what have been your experiences?

[Bel Hassan]

The thing is with everyday life, like I can leave, I can walk away. Like if I get myself to a point, you know, everyone gets irritated, they get angry. And in my everyday life I'd get in my car, put my music on, I'd go for drive. I don't get to that point in my everyday life. You know, it's very rare that I would get to that point. Yeah. And in there I can't just walk out the front door. Sometimes the front door is locked. Sometimes you can't go outside because they need you to film. You can't walk away from it. You are stuck facing your triggers head on. And you know, for me, like as a teenager I really, really struggled with mental health and depression. Yeah, bad, really bad. You know, and self harm was a really big thing for me. Like I hated myself. Like I really, like I just hated myself. Like I always felt bad. Like, you know, just always. I hated the way I looked, I hated the way I was. I always felt like I was really different to other people and people never understood me because I always felt my emotions so deep and you know, like I don't want to hide that. Like I don't want to be ashamed of that. I don't want, I don't want people to put me in a box because of that, you know, like it was really difficult growing up. It was like I just, I hated it. I hated myself. I just hated it. And you know, getting into that self harming was. It was almost like punishing myself. You know, it was like, you deserve it, you deserve to feel pain, like you're not good enough. You know, you're sorry.

[Jamie]

It's okay, pal.

[Bel Hassan]

You know, like you don't deserve to be happy. And I don't know why in my mind I felt like that. You know, I couldn't tell you that. And you know, I just never felt like I deserved to be happy or to feel good. And I don't know where that came from. You know, maybe that's something I've got to figure out. But yeah, you know, it was tough and it was a really long road for me. Like I would get better, I would Stop doing it. Then it would start again. Things would trigger me. I never knew how to express my emotions. I never knew how to talk about a problem. And I know, like, when. Sorry.

[Jamie]

It's okay.

[Bel Hassan]

It was a lot. Like, I'm someone that feels emotions really deeply, and I overthink everything. Everything is so deep. Like, anytime I talk to someone, it's a deep conversation. I feel things really deeply. And I never knew how to speak about my emotions. So when I felt like shit, I would never know how to express that. I would never know how to speak about that. Like, I would take that out of myself. I'd be, I don't know how to deal with this. And, you know, I never really understood. Always say, oh, you know the cliche, a problem shared is a problem halved, and we've got. Oh, yeah, whatever. No, no is the truth. There's a reason why that's so widely spread, because as soon as I learned and I forced myself to talk about a lot of my issues, I was like, oh, how am I letting my mind get to this point? What am I doing? You know, what the hell is going on? And, you know, I had. You know, people online are, like, chronically telling me I need therapy. Like, I've been to therapy. I have had therapy, you know, and for me, yeah, I do laugh things off. I make a joke of everything that upsets me. I do. Of course I do. Like, what do I. What am I going to do every day? Sit and cry? And, you know, I felt those feelings. You know, I've grown from that. But there were points when, you know, I was younger, and like, I always say to people, I've been to the. Through the depths of hell with my own mind. Like, I've seen the darkest parts of me and the darkest. The horrible bits that you never want anyone to see. Like, I've seen that in myself and. And, you know, I've worked on them. And it's like, I've been at that point where I've sat and thought, I don't want to be here anymore. Like, you know, I'm not worth being here. I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to. I just don't want to be here. You know, I think for me, I had a few things that happened to me, and I was like, if this is how my life's going to be for the rest of my life, I don't want to do this anymore. You know, I don't want to live like this anymore. And going through that at such A young age.

[Jamie]

How old are you at this point?

[Bel Hassan]

I think it started around 13, 14.

[Jamie]

So young.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah. And, you know, I didn't. I didn't understand anything. I didn't know my own mind. I had no life experience. I didn't know what was going on, you know, and I didn't tell anyone, so it wasn't like anyone knew. I think I don't even know how I ended up doing it. I think it just became a thing. And it was like, when I'd hurt myself, I'd be like, oh, I feel better because now I've punished myself, you know, and. Or how I express them. And I think when people see this loud, this big hurricane character, they're like, oh, my God, she's mental. And I'm like, well, no, actually, I've gone from here to here. So me expressing how I'm feeling, that's part of my healing journey.

[Jamie]

It makes sense. You were for so long. What you. For so long, you held all your emotions in because you didn't know how to express them or get them out. And that resulted in you, you know, not being kind to yourself.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

And so now, thankfully, you do release them, but sometimes you don't have control over them because they just go so out there. But at least you are expressing them rather than holding it in. Because when you hold it in, we know what happens, and that's not great.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah. And, you know, like, I'll hold my hands up where I'm wrong. And I would definitely say, you know, I'm not going to apologize for being who I am, but I will say, yeah, I could work on that. You know, I could definitely work on channeling that, you know, and in my everyday life, I have worked on that. You know, I walk away from the situation, I go calm down, I listen to my music, I relax my mind, I do my meditation, and I come back to it in there, I don't have that luxury. So that was really like a raw, unhealed, 20 steps back version triggered bell, you know, And I think that's what people forget. It's like, yeah, I've done that healing. And when you're put in that situation, I can't walk away from it. I can't go meditate. I can't. I can't step out of it like you're filming. I can't just get off and walk off his continuity. It's this.

[Jamie]

It's that, you know, you didn't have your coping mechanisms.

[Bel Hassan]

No. And that's why I'm like, all the Healing work I've done over the last, what, my 28. From 13 to 28. However many years that is five, 15 years. Right, right. Well, the last 15 years, the work that I have done on myself and you know, I went and see a therapist that did a lot of hypnotherapy and he always said this to me, when close your eyes and all the voices in your head that are kicking off and overthinking, he was like, imagine it's coming out of a radio. He went, now place that radio in the corner of the room. Put your hand out and turn it down. And I was about 17 when this happened. And that was the first time my mind had ever been silent.

[Jamie]

Wow.

[Bel Hassan]

I didn't have the time to do that in there, you know, and that's been something I've done for however long, for all these years. And that's kept me sane. And then it's like that's taken away from you the, the triggered feeling from the past. Relationships or boyfriends being hurt. Extremely triggered from that, you know, the lying to me, the cheating, the this, you know, okay. They're not as deep. Like we're not in a three year relationship. You haven't just slept with someone else. No. But it's those feelings come back. I don't have time to sit in my bed for the morning and go, you know what, let me think about this, Let me understand my mind. Where are you feeling? How do you feel? Calm down, this is fine. That's going to be okay. Like I normally do, you know, and you don't have that luxury or that time or that space in there. So for me, really, it was tough.

[Jamie]

And it's a boiling pot of emotions. Right. There's no time to reflect. It's bubbling like this, bubbling, bubbly, bubbling the whole time. It's like a. It's called a hot house.

[Bel Hassan]

That's what happens. Yeah, literally. And it just got to the point where I was so triggered. I was so like every time I'd sort of calm down and try and get myself to that space. I remember at one point I was taking like half an hour at the snooze door, at the fake door. I was like, I'm not going in, I don't care. I want you to send me home, so I'm staying out here. And that was when I started calming down. As soon as I calmed down, it'd be another game load of questions that trigger me, you know, and it would just spiral like that, you know. And the main reason I ever wanted. My platform was to sit and help young girls and guys that are going through it and to be a voice of understanding for them. Because when I speak out loud I'm like, I sound mental. Like this doesn't make sense. But I'm like, no, you're, you're actually fine. This is normal. Like how you feel is normal. You feel like this because of this. And you know, like I started a live series at one point and was helping young girls who were suicidal with mental health. I was messaging them all the time, like chatting with them and that, that was all I've ever wanted.

[Jamie]

You just want to use your platform for good?

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah, 100%. And I think when I first come out I was 21, I didn't really understand about it. I was so embarrassed about telling anyone about it. I didn't want to be judged because there's that thing of, well, if you've self harmful, you never work in TV again. That's not true because I told the producers about my history of self harm. They knew, wow, you know, they know that. So you don't, you're not, you don't have a stigma around you just because of your past. You can grow from that.

[Jamie]

You've mentioned the site. What other things have you been doing to take care of yourself since you left the villa?

[Bel Hassan]

I think for me, I've tried to not put too much pressure on myself. I mean, I was dealing with a lot in there and I think my body just started shutting down. Like I was too much information. Sorry, ladies talk. But I've never missed a period in my life and I did in there, my body was literally shutting down. Like I didn't come on. So I've been trying to keep relaxed, stay at home, sleep as much as I can. Because obviously in there we don't know how much sleep we get, we don't know the time, you know, and I've been trying to just relax, get my body back to normal, take my vitamins, sleep as much as I can, not get into it too much online, you know, and I've took my time with podcasts because I needed to, you know, I didn't want to speak out beforehand because I wasn't in the right mind frame. And even now, you know, I'm still a bit all over the place things, you know, I've, I've dissociated a lot from what happened in there. I've forgotten a lot of things. I'm getting like flashbacks of it. I mean, the first week coming home, I was waking up Having nightmares. That was still in there, like, panicking. Having anxiety attacks in my sleep.

[Jamie]

It feels like you have a little bit of ptsd. Yeah, that's what it feels like, right?

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah. And I think that's the thing. Like, you know, when I come home, I see my mom, dad, I just burst into tears. And I was like, I'm really struggling. I need help. And I think for my mom and dad to hear me say, I need help, I never ask, I never want help. I'm like, no, I'm fine. I'll be fine. I'll do it on my own. I'm fine, I'm fine. You know, and I like to put a brave face on. I don't like anyone to worry. And I came home and I was like, my body is shutting down, mum. Like, I'm in bits. Like, I'm struggling. And it was just. It was just a mess. A mess.

[Jamie]

Well, your family have been amazing through this, right? Especially a letter from your dad. And then your family posted a statement on TikTok saying you can dislike someone's behavior, you can disagree, but hateful comments, personal attacks and threats are never okay. Please remember, reality TV is temporary. The impact of words can last far longer. That last line is so important. This is temporary. It goes. It disappears. It's done, it's finished, it's out of the way. But words are pretty strong. And I think sometimes, you know, people forget that. And we see this online the whole time. What would you say to the people who. People online who've made those horrible comments about you? What would you say to them?

[Bel Hassan]

You know, I think that you have to remember that it is entertainment. They bring these games up like, we'd all forgotten the Sean and Lucinda situation probably a week after it happened. They brought the games up to reignite it, to get the rows. So, you know, like, we were all fine. We were chilling, you know, like, you have to remember that this is an entertainment show. And that's why I do think it's really important that Love island put a statement or a warning before the show airs. Some things are set up for entertainment purposes because they are. We are just characters in a TV show, you know, And I think for the public, you know, if I have triggered anyone with my responses because, you know, other people have certain triggers. They might not, like, hearing shine, you know, I apologize for that, you know, and as someone who is on tv, you know, I will try and do better to calm my temper. But I'm going to say that lightly because I love those bits of me you know, and I say, I apologize to people that I have triggered if I've upset anyone in any way, you know, 100. But I'll never apologize for being me. Yes. I will always, forever, for the rest of my life, be working on myself and trying to improve because, as we all should. But those parts of you guys, the parts of me that you guys hate, I love. I love that I'm fiery. I love that I'm outspoken. I love that I speak the truth. Like, I don't care. I love that. And for anyone leaving negative comments, you know, like, just think about it before you do it. If you've got an opinion. Yeah, cool, fine. Happy for that. Love that. But the destroying, the way I look, destroying who I am, my character, is there any need for it? You know, how would you feel if that was your son or daughter? I don't always get it right, but I do everything with a pure heart. Everything I do, I do with pure intentions. I never mean to upset anyone, you know, and there's. There's so two sides of me, because there's this part of me that's very, like, I'll make a joke for, you know, online. I'm like, rage bait. The rage baiters. You know, like, rage bait. The haters. People keep calling me in Harrison, mother and son. So, yes, I'm like, in honor of Mother's Day, I just thought you should have a little photo of me and my son. You know, like, we. We laugh at the hate. And, you know, that's another thing I forgot to say how great he was around all of it. I mean, he has been an absolute rock to me. Like, I would have been in a lot worse way when I got my phone back if it wasn't for him. And you guys actually didn't see a lot of that in the villa. He really had my back, and he stood by me, and I couldn't have asked for better. Like, he was amazing, and you guys didn't see that. He stood strong for me when I couldn't stand strong for myself. And I think in my whole life, I've probably got about three people I can say that about.

[Jamie]

Wow.

[Bel Hassan]

So even in the holding villa when we left, how amazing he was, and with hate, like, he'll call me. Are you all right today? Like, are you struggling? Are you okay? Do you need anything? Can I help? So how he was painted on his first season, I'm in utter shock of how lovely he is and how helpful he is and how he got painted as this, like, misogynistic like male pig character. And he's so the opposite. Like, he's so love the girls, love the girl. All for the girls. You go queen. You go sis. You know, like he's so, he's mumm, his sister, really strong women. So it's like he's used to that and he's, you know, he loves women like he loves the girls.

[Jamie]

Are you still together?

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah, yeah, Things are going really well actually.

[Jamie]

Are you official yet?

[Bel Hassan]

Not yet.

[Jamie]

You. You post on a Snapchat a message from where he said, I love you.

[Bel Hassan]

He's my biggest troll, you know that. He's such a troll. So he basically, someone said on his Snapchat, have you told, have you told Belle that? Have you guys said I love you to each other yet? And he was like, nah, she keeps saying it to me, but I just don't say it back. Such an awkward conversation, right? Obviously being sarcastic. So I was like, right. Seeing as he's trolling me, I'm gonna actually give you guys some evidence. So. Yeah, he always, yeah, he always says like, not in a way of like, oh my God, I love you. He doesn't. He hasn't said like, I'm in love with you, whatever. But at the end of the phone call, he's always like, I love you. What are you doing? Love you. What's this? You know, like in a little bit of a jokey way.

[Jamie]

Is it a joke? I don't know.

[Bel Hassan]

I think he's trying to sound out the. He's trying to sound out. If I'm reciprocating that, you know, are we there yet? Are we not? But yeah, like, we've both got a lot of love for each other.

[Grow Therapy Advertiser]

History shows women keep showing up for everyone every day. But who's showing up for you? Grow Therapy helps you put your mental health first with therapy that's covered by insurance and built to support you whether it's your first time in therapy or your 50th. Grow makes it easier to find a therapist who fits you, not the other way around. You can search by what matters like insurance, specialty, identity or availability and get started in as little as two days. There are no subscriptions, no long term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow helps you find therapy on your time. Whatever challenges you're facing. GrowTherapy is here to help. Grow accepts over 100 insurance plans, including Medicaid in some states. Sessions average about $21 with insurance and some pay as little as $0 depending on their plan. Visit growththerapy.com acast to get started. That's growththerapy.com acast growth. Acast. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

[Bel Hassan]

Oh, no, my coffee. Bronnie here.

[Jamie]

New brawny 3 ply is now more absorbent.

[Bel Hassan]

Wow.

[Grow Therapy Advertiser]

Got a clean shirt.

[Bel Hassan]

Do you wear plaid?

[Strawberry Me Advertiser]

Some of the strongest.

[Jamie]

Belle, thank you, man. I. I know how tough it must been for you, like, at the moment, but especially coming out, and I'm sorry that you've been through all of that. Firstly, no one should ever go through that. Thank you for being, like, so honest about your past and present and the fact that you're using your platform for good. That's the best thing you can do because there are so many people out there who probably listen to this conversation who can relate to you in so many different ways. And the fact that you're going to help those people. I applaud you massively.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah. And, you know, I think definitely from this once, my mind is completely back to normal and I'm right, you know, I'd love to speak about that openly with people, whether on my platforms and things, and actually answer questions from people that are going through it, you know, but anyone. Listen, I do apologize if my brain's a bit.

[Jamie]

You were so amazing. He was so amazing. And I just. I. I honestly appreciate your openness because it's a lot what you've been through, and it's. And even though it's an entertainment show and it's a reality show, it's also real life.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

And you're. This is your real life that it's going on. And some people forget that. We watch you watch through screens, and we don't think you exist or real. And then when we see you, it's like, oh, no, you're our real person. This is actually someone real. So sending those negative. It's not nice.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah, no, it's not good.

[Jamie]

We like to end the conversation with eight questions.

[Bel Hassan]

Okay.

[Jamie]

Are you ready for this?

[Bel Hassan]

I don't know. Am I?

[Jamie]

Yeah, you are. What's the saying or phrase that makes you smile or cheers you up?

[Bel Hassan]

Charge it. Let's go.

[Jamie]

Best compliment anyone's ever given you.

[Bel Hassan]

Oh, that. I've got a good aura.

[Jamie]

What scares you most about yourself?

[Bel Hassan]

My mind.

[Jamie]

When was the last time you cried?

[Bel Hassan]

About three seconds ago. I tried to hold it in, though, for the makeup, because I did see on camera the tears. It was not good. So I've tried to hold it in.

[Jamie]

What's something you can't let go of?

[Bel Hassan]

Something that I can't let go of.

[Jamie]

Millie said Millie Said her lost Mary Vape.

[Bel Hassan]

I'm gonna my snaz, my pineapple killers.

[Jamie]

There you go. What's your guilty pleasure?

[Bel Hassan]

Oh, I've already used my guilty pleasure. Guilty pleasure watching Big Brother. Really? It's always been my dream, that one.

[Jamie]

Really?

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

What turns you off?

[Bel Hassan]

Fake people.

[Jamie]

What turns you on?

[Bel Hassan]

Real people. Emotionally vulnerable people, I would say.

[Jamie]

What do you like most about yourself?

[Bel Hassan]

I like how authentic I am and how comfortable I am in being who I am.

[Jamie]

Strong. And we asked Millie last week, who was the bombshell guy that you were desperate to come into the villa? She said, Jack Fowler.

[Bel Hassan]

Yeah. Oh, we was all hoping he would come in. We were sitting there like this every day, like hoping and praying.

[Jamie]

Well, he's. That he's hot.

[Bel Hassan]

Well, love island pool of men ain't the best babes, you know, like, they're not. We've not got loads of sexy men, but he. Yeah, Jack Fowler. We was all saying that. So if I said no to that, we'd be liars. So, yeah, we did actually all go to the Beach Hut and ask the producers for Jack Fowler and they ignored us.

[Jamie]

So, Bel, you've been a superstar. Thank you for being open, honest, totally yourself. I appreciate it. And thank you so much for coming on. You're amazing.

[Bel Hassan]

Thank you for having me. I appreciate it.

[Jamie]

You're the best. Appreciate it. Well,

[Bel Hassan]

that was amazing.

[Elizabeth Day]

Hello, I'm Elizabeth Day, the creator and host of how to Fail. It's the podcast that celebrates the things in life that haven't gone right. And what, if anything, we've learned from those mistakes to help us succeed better. Each week, my guests share three failures. Sparking intimate, thought provoking joking and funny conversations. You'll hear from a diverse range of voices sharing what they've learned through their failures. Join me Wednesdays for a new episode each week. This is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment original podcast. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts.