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Jamie Laing
Well, hello, you lot, it's Jamie Laing here from the Great Company podcast. Now, if you like your podcast outrageous, hilarious and a little bit saucy, then you need to check out this absolute belter, okay? It's called Write Me Dirty. Now imagine this, Katherine Ryan, two guests and an absolutely bonkers prompt like the world is ending, there's a zombie invasion, and someone's brought a can of beans to the orgy. You still with me? Okay, listen to this. Each week the guests have to write erotic stories about each other. And yes, you. It's just as awkward, chaotic and completely hilarious as it sounds. There's dramatic readings, oversharing, wheezing, laughter, and of course, Kathryn Ryan herself stirring the pot like it's her full time job. Now, at the end of it, she crowns the erotica champion based on sexiness, creativity and general nonsense. Winner gets eternal glory and a massive pen. Literally. So if you like laughing until you snort and you're not afraid of a little filth with your funny, go subscribe to Write Me Dirty. Here's a little sneak peek of the show to wet your whistle.
Stevie Martin
Write Me Dirty.
Katherine Ryan
Hello, I'm Kathryn Ryan and I've got two guests today who are so excited to write me a dirty story, all with the hopes of winning a pen. And this week, my two seductive scribes are. Stevie Martin and Fatia Al Gore. Welcome, girls. How do you feel about being called girls?
Stevie Martin
That felt, I don't mind.
Katherine Ryan
Very regressive.
Fatia Al Gore
I'm a lady girl, ladies and lads.
Stevie Martin
I prefer Bruvs Labes.
Katherine Ryan
Ladies, you and I, Fatiha, have known each other, I think for quite a long time now.
Stevie Martin
Correct.
Katherine Ryan
And Stevie, I know of your work. Very talented comedian. But this is our first time meeting, unless I'm being really rude. And I've met you before and I don't know.
Fatia Al Gore
No, I saw you cross across the way once in and you were having your hair brushed by someone. Ooh, that sounds a horse.
Stevie Martin
That sounds like a song. Yeah.
Fatia Al Gore
Where was that? Latitude Festival. Oh, it's actually my agent and I wondered why she wasn't watching our show and we looked across and she was brushing Catherine's hair. Weird.
Katherine Ryan
We must have been high.
Fatia Al Gore
Yeah.
Katherine Ryan
This is a very interesting brief. I've asked you to come and write me a filthy story about each other with some rules. Did you find that challenging?
Stevie Martin
A little bit. A little bit. But not. I found it, I enjoyed it. Cause I know her. Yeah. So I found then I could pick her little quirks and stuff and write about them and stuff like That I sent her a message. I was like, don't talk about my hijab. Don't talk about my hijab, and don't talk about my hijab.
Fatia Al Gore
So my story is called Fatih's Hijab behind the Hijab. Exactly.
Stevie Martin
Just to freak her up.
Katherine Ryan
So I feel like I know so much about you, Fatih. We've worked together loads. I think you're very, very, very funny. I love the juxtaposition of you. You're very sweet, but you will someone up. But what I don't hear about is will you someone? I don't hear a lot of sex talk from you. Oh, I don't know what your fantasies are. I don't know what your type is.
Stevie Martin
My fantasies for people to leave me the alone and stop whatsapping me every five minutes and asking, can you do this? Can you do that? Are you free? Where you going? Can I take you out? No, let me sleep.
Fatia Al Gore
So if you don't get a WhatsApp, you just immediately start wanking.
Katherine Ryan
You've been set the task of writing a dirty story that's about each other, and it must contain a given setting, character, and prop. Your story must be set in a car show room, and I would like to have a car salesman involved, a custom paint job, and a steering wheel.
Stevie Martin
All right, let's do it.
Katherine Ryan
What's this title of your story?
Stevie Martin
The title. I'm gonna do this in my sexy. I could do sex phone work. That's what I'm gonna do when comedy dries out. All right, are you ready?
Fatia Al Gore
I mean, I'll never be ready, but I'm excited.
Stevie Martin
So my. I don't know why I'm doing a French accent, but. So my story is called Paint me like one of your French cars. Oh. Oh, la la.
Katherine Ryan
One of your French cars.
Stevie Martin
Oui. Oh, my God. I can't even say this first line. She's gonna murder me. Okay. Stevie is an emo who wears black all the time.
Fatia Al Gore
Look at emo socks.
Katherine Ryan
Oh, no, these are very Beetlejuice.
Fatia Al Gore
I am very emo.
Stevie Martin
Okay, Grace, so Stevie Martin is an emo who wears black all the time. The only color on her is her beautiful blue eyes, like those of a husky. Oh. Her platinum blonde locks. What lightning would look like if it was tangible.
Fatia Al Gore
Ooh. Big sexy word, like tangible.
Stevie Martin
I had to Google that word. I was like, what do you say if you can touch, like, tangible.
Katherine Ryan
Very literary.
Stevie Martin
Off the jump. Stevie lives in a small town surrounded by the sea. Think Dawson's Creek, but replace the Coffee shops and cupcakes with vape shops and phone slashers. She hates where she lives because there's no vegan food and she's a vegan. Stevie doesn't have a job, but she has a dream. One day I' ma leave this place and find the best vegan food in the whole damn country, y'. All.
Fatia Al Gore
I'm sort of like American as well.
Stevie Martin
Gave you an accent.
Katherine Ryan
You're Southern.
Stevie Martin
Yeah, I'm gonna. It's gonna change after, but, yeah.
Fatia Al Gore
Yeah, great.
Stevie Martin
Every day she cycles around the town with her Walkman on, listening to Joy Division and dreaming about all the vegan food she will eat when she blows this joint.
Fatia Al Gore
What does blows this joint mean? Leave. Yeah, yeah, fine. Just wanted to check.
Katherine Ryan
But it could also be foreshadowing you might be blowing something or someone later.
Stevie Martin
Yeah. So one day, she was cycling around the town when she started to feel hungry. She started to cycle back home, thinking about what she would make to eat. Mmm. Split dahl and spinach and potatoes. Her mouth. Her mouth was watering. Mmm. Hummus. Cucumber and olives. She started to cycle faster. Piranhas. That was it. She was now standing on her bike and cycling furiously. Suddenly, she found herself on the floor, face down in the road. What the hell had happened? It was a bloody pothole, weren't it? These bloody councils are a joke, mate.
Katherine Ryan
Are you very politically motivated?
Fatia Al Gore
I mean, yes, I am. It seems like I am.
Katherine Ryan
It doesn't surprise me with. As an emo, husky vegan, you're gonna also be upset about the misallocation of government funds.
Stevie Martin
Yeah.
Fatia Al Gore
These potholes are not, you know, they're.
Stevie Martin
Not being filled a bit like her character.
Katherine Ryan
Yeah.
Fatia Al Gore
There's been no mention of sex yet. I must be frustrated. And that's why I'm so obsessed with, you know, hummus. And carrots. And carrots. Very phallic about Tom.
Stevie Martin
Stevie was Devo. Her bike was ruined. She couldn't ride it back home. She decided to take it to the local bike shop to get it fixed. Ben's Bikes. Uh oh.
Katherine Ryan
Where's Ben?
Stevie Martin
She dragged the broken bike to the shop, but it was a different shop. Hmm. She thought maybe I have a concussion. Maybe I left my hair dyeing too long and it fried my brain cells.
Fatia Al Gore
I'm actually a natural blonde, to be honest.
Stevie Martin
Then a man came out of the shop and said, hi, I'm Mike. Welcome to Mike's Motors. How can I help? Stevie, confused, replied, where's Ben? I need to get my bike fixed. Mike's.
Fatia Al Gore
I've got that Kind of like confrontational vibe that you have. Really interesting.
Katherine Ryan
You slipped into Fatiha for a second.
Stevie Martin
Where's Ben?
Fatia Al Gore
The tension's building, so I'm just obviously desperate to get around this in, like.
Stevie Martin
Typical meals and boons fashion. This is how they build it up.
Fatia Al Gore
Yeah. They're so hungry. Love it. And I've been in, like, a bike accident, so I imagine I'm just bleeding and stuff.
Stevie Martin
Yeah, all over. So Stevie, confused replies, Where's Ben? I need my bike fixed. Mike says, ben's gone. He sold the premises to me and I have opened a car shop.
Fatia Al Gore
It's good to get some context. Yeah, it's almost like we could have gone straight to the car shop, but it's nice that we didn't.
Stevie Martin
Stevie, disappointed and worried about what to do with her bike, says, okay, thanks, and begins to walk away. Mike calls her back. Wait, I can help. I'm a keen cyclist myself. I'm good with bikes.
Katherine Ryan
Oh, it's sexy.
Fatia Al Gore
That's sexy.
Stevie Martin
How sexy is that?
Fatia Al Gore
I'm a keen cyclist by itself.
Stevie Martin
Stevie, feeling hopeful, says, really? Mike, happy that he can help her, says, yeah, I need to shoot off though, now, because I need to collect some supplies for the shop before the wholesalers close. Can you come back tomorrow to collect your bike?
Fatia Al Gore
Text all the time.
Katherine Ryan
A lot of exposition.
Fatia Al Gore
Yeah, it's good.
Katherine Ryan
Better get. So sexy.
Stevie Martin
It is. I swear, Dan, you're going to literally lose your mind.
Fatia Al Gore
Okay.
Stevie Martin
Your knickers are going to literally fly across the room.
Fatia Al Gore
A wholesaler's knickers are going.
Stevie Martin
Stevie returns to the shop the next day. She enters, but no one is around. It's just her and the cars in the showroom. Hello? She calls back here, my shots.
Fatia Al Gore
He's in the back. In the back, like.
Stevie Martin
Yeah, he in the back, honey. She followed his voice to the back of the shop. She found him in the back garage. Topless spray painting. A 1995 Citroen 2cv.
Fatia Al Gore
The sexiest of the cars.
Stevie Martin
Mike was moving the spray gun up and down with each motion. Stevie could see the muscles in his back moving. Damn. She thought this geezer was smoking.
Fatia Al Gore
I always say things like, this geezer was smoking.
Stevie Martin
Mike turned around and caught her eye. Oh, sorry, I didn't know it was you. I would have got dressed. Stevie gave him. Oh, fuck.
Fatia Al Gore
Yeah.
Stevie Martin
No, Stevie gave him a look. Mike grabs a cloth, wipes his hands and picks up the steering wheel. Laying on the floor. Stevie watches him as he walks over to the other side of the car, opens the door, starts to fit the steering wheel on the car. She watches his big hands push the wheel into place and gently rub around the wheel like a boob or your thighs.
Fatia Al Gore
Thank you. Okay.
Stevie Martin
She starts to get flustered, imagining his hands on her. Oh, this is.
Fatia Al Gore
See how we're getting there?
Stevie Martin
See? We're getting there. See? Stevie slips, nearly falling over, but Mike catches her.
Fatia Al Gore
This is always gonna happen.
Stevie Martin
They look into each other's eyes and he leans in and kisses her. His hands are up around her waist and her hands land on his shoulders. She rubs his shoulders and slides her hand down his back. He rubs her skin and she whispers into his ear, but paint me like your French car.
Katherine Ryan
Oh, that's why.
Stevie Martin
Citron mic drop.
Podcast Summary: Great Company with Jamie Laing
Episode: Introducing Write Me Dirty
Release Date: July 30, 2025
In the episode titled "Introducing Write Me Dirty," Jamie Laing from Jampot Productions presents a fresh and tantalizing addition to his podcast lineup. As always, Jamie promises "No gimmicks; just Great Company," but this time, he delves into the spicy and humorous world of the "Write Me Dirty" podcast. This episode serves as both an introduction and a showcase of what listeners can expect from this new, risque spin-off.
"Write Me Dirty" is described by Jamie Laing as a blend of outrageous humor and saucy storytelling. The premise involves guests crafting erotic stories about each other, infused with bizarre and comical prompts. Jamie emphasizes the show's chaotic and hilarious nature, highlighting elements such as:
Jamie tantalizes listeners with a sneak peek of the show, setting the stage for laughter and light-hearted filth.
The transcript provided offers a glimpse into an actual "Write Me Dirty" episode hosted by Katherine Ryan. In this session, Katherine is joined by comedians Stevie Martin and Fatia Al Gore. The dynamic between the hosts and guests encapsulates the show's blend of humor, camaraderie, and cheekiness.
Jamie Laing's Introduction: Jamie enthusiastically introduces "Write Me Dirty," using vivid imagery to describe the show's unique premise.
"Imagine this, Katherine Ryan, two guests and an absolutely bonkers prompt like the world is ending, there's a zombie invasion, and someone's brought a can of beans to the orgy." (00:00)
Guests' Introduction: Katherine Ryan welcomes her guests, engaging in playful and slightly edgy conversation about addressing them as "girls."
Katherine Ryan: "How do you feel about being called girls?" (01:07)
Stevie Martin: "That felt, I don't mind." (01:24)
Fatia Al Gore: "I'm a lady girl, ladies and lads." (01:31)
Katherine outlines the task: writing a dirty story about each other, incorporating specific elements like setting, character, and prop.
Stevie's Approach: Stevie expresses initial hesitation but ultimately enjoys the creative process, focusing on personal quirks while setting boundaries to avoid sensitive topics like her hijab.
Stevie Martin: "I was like, don't talk about my hijab. Don't talk about my hijab, and don't talk about my hijab." (02:24)
Creative Titling: Fatia humorously titles her story to align with the boundaries set.
Fatia Al Gore: "So my story is called Fatih's Hijab behind the Hijab." (02:43)
The guests collaboratively build an erotic story with comedic undertones, integrating the given prompts: a car showroom setting, a car salesman character, a custom paint job, and a steering wheel.
Stevie's Story Development: Stevie crafts a narrative about an emo character named Stevie, blending humor with sensual undertones while adhering to the quirky prompts. She employs playful language and literary devices to enhance the story's appeal.
Stevie Martin: "My story is called Paint me like one of your French cars." (03:58)
Katherine Ryan: "Oh, that's why." (11:00)
Humorous Interactions: The dialogue between Stevie and Fatia is filled with witty exchanges and humorous observations about the storytelling process.
Fatia Al Gore: "I mean, I'll never be ready, but I'm excited." (03:55)
Stevie Martin: "How sexy is that?" (08:19)
Developing the Plot: The story progresses with Stevie navigating a series of comedic and slightly risqué situations involving a car salesman named Mike, culminating in a flirtatious and humorous encounter.
Stevie Martin: "She slips, nearly falling over, but Mike catches her." (10:37)
Fatia Al Gore: "See how we're getting there?" (10:36)
Jamie Laing on Show Concept:
"Each week the guests have to write erotic stories about each other. And yes, you. It's just as awkward, chaotic and completely hilarious as it sounds." (00:00)
Stevie on Storytelling Challenges:
"I found I could pick her little quirks and stuff and write about them and stuff like that." (02:24)
Katherine on Fatia's Persona:
"As an emo, husky vegan, you're gonna also be upset about the misallocation of government funds." (06:18)
Humorous Banter on Story Elements:
Stevie Martin: "Paint me like one of your French cars." (03:58)
Katherine Ryan: "One of your French cars." (04:07)
Stevie Martin: "Oh, la la." (04:08)
Climactic Moment in the Story:
"He leans in and kisses her. His hands are up around her waist and her hands land on his shoulders." (10:37)
Stevie Martin: "Citron mic drop." (11:03)
Humor and Sensuality: The episode masterfully balances humor with sensual undertones, making the storytelling process entertaining and relatable.
Guest Chemistry: The natural rapport between Katherine, Stevie, and Fatia enhances the viewing experience, showcasing genuine camaraderie and spontaneous humor.
Creative Constraints: The imposed constraints—specific settings, characters, and props—challenge guests to think outside the box, resulting in unique and amusing narratives.
Cultural and Personal References: The inclusion of personal elements, such as Stevie's veganism and Fatia's hijab, adds depth to the stories while maintaining respect and boundaries.
"Introducing Write Me Dirty" serves as an exciting preview of what the Great Company podcast, under Jamie Laing's stewardship, has in store for its audience. By blending erotic storytelling with comedy, the episode showcases a format that promises laughter, creativity, and a touch of cheekiness. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to the podcast, this episode of "Write Me Dirty" offers a tantalizing glimpse into a world where humor and sensuality collide, guaranteeing "Great Company" every step of the way.
Subscribe to "Write Me Dirty" if you enjoy blending humor with a bit of filth, and prepare to laugh until you snort with each outrageous and hilarious episode.