JESSIE REYEZ: DEPRESSION IS LIKE A DAGGER BUT YOU CAN'T SEE IT TO TAKE IT OUT

Summary

Podcast Summary: Great Company with Jamie Laing

Episode: JESSIE REYEZ: DEPRESSION IS LIKE A DAGGER BUT YOU CAN'T SEE IT TO TAKE IT OUT
Release Date: April 1, 2025
Host: Jamie Laing
Guest: Jesse Reyes, Colombian Canadian Singer-Songwriter

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Introduction and Guest Background

In this emotionally charged episode of Great Company with Jamie Laing, host Jamie Laing welcomes Jesse Reyes, a renowned Colombian Canadian singer-songwriter. Jesse is celebrated for her collaborations with global superstars such as Calvin Harris and Eminem, and for penning hits like "One Kiss" with Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa. With a career highlighted by her unique storytelling and fiery passion, Jesse shares her journey through personal struggles, mental health battles, and triumphs in the music industry.

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Workaholism and Career Development

Jesse delves into her inherent work ethic, which stems from observing her parents' dedication. She describes herself as a "workaholic since childhood" and discusses how her rebellious nature initially clashed with authority figures. This drive fueled her early career in the music industry, where juggling multiple jobs taught her resilience and time management.

Notable Quote:
[04:18] Jesse Reyes: "I've always had a great work ethic, but I had a bit of issues with authority."

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Substance Abuse and Sobriety

A significant portion of the conversation addresses Jesse's battle with substance abuse. From a young age, Jesse engaged in heavy drinking to cope with anxiety and the pressures of the music industry. Her turning point came during her album release party, which served as a wake-up call leading her to embrace sobriety.

Notable Quote:
[19:51] Jesse Reyes: "I'm sober now. It's been almost two years."

She reflects on the detrimental effects of alcohol on her life and mental health, emphasizing the importance of finding healthier outlets such as yoga, breathwork, and nature to manage her emotions.

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Depression and Emotional Processing

Jesse provides a poignant metaphor for her depression, likening it to an invisible dagger that inflicts pain without a physical wound. She explains how depression hit her hard during her teenage years, exacerbated by heartbreak and the absence of her brother.

Notable Quote:
[33:32] Jesse Reyes: "It felt like dark magic because I didn't understand, like, you feel like you've been stabbed, but there's no knife to take out."

To manage her overwhelming emotions, Jesse channels her feelings into her music, creating a vital outlet that prevents her from feeling overwhelmed.

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Relationships and Heartbreak

Exploring her tumultuous relationships, Jesse candidly describes her past behavior as a "tyrant" driven by unhealthy passion and poor decision-making. She acknowledges how these experiences with heartbreak contributed to her mental health struggles and eventual growth.

Notable Quote:
[27:11] Jesse Reyes: "I was a tyrant. I was very passionate and just making stupid decisions."

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Music and Creativity

Music serves as both Jesse's passion and therapeutic tool. She discusses her evolution as an artist, honing her skills and deepening her emotional expression through songwriting. Jesse highlights the importance of authenticity and continuous self-improvement in her creative process.

Notable Quote:
[41:44] Jesse Reyes: "I'm better. I'm a better musician, better artist. I've sharpened my pencil, I sharpen my knife."

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Sexual Misconduct and Empowerment

Jesse bravely addresses her experience with sexual misconduct in the workplace, detailing how she initially withheld specifics to avoid retaliation. As more women came forward against the same individual, Jesse grappled with feelings of guilt for not speaking out sooner. She emphasizes the importance of solidarity and the changing attitudes towards such issues in the industry.

Notable Quote:
[46:14] Jesse Reyes: "It was reliving it all over again, but now with another element of guilt because it almost made me feel like I should have come forward about it sooner."

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Advice for Young Women in the Industry

Jesse offers invaluable advice to aspiring female artists, encouraging them to embrace failure, seek continuous improvement, and build resilient mental fortitude. She underscores the necessity of maintaining personal peace and authenticity amidst external pressures and criticisms.

Notable Quote:
[52:30] Jesse Reyes: "Fail faster. Don't be scared of trying new things. Find out where your weaknesses are. Try to make friends that are just as apt as you and as hungry as you."

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Quick Fire Questions

In a lively segment, Jesse participates in rapid-fire questions, revealing her playful side and personal preferences:

• Favorite swear word: "Hold these nuts."
• Favorite guilty pleasure: Cartoons, specifically "South Park."
• What scares her most about herself: "Jesus Christ" and "My depth."
• Something she can't let go of: Solitude.
• What turns her on: Intelligence and heightened awareness.

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Closing Thoughts

Jamie and Jesse conclude the episode by reflecting on her intense emotional journey and the role of creativity as a coping mechanism. Jamie praises Jesse's ability to channel her emotions into her art, highlighting her as a "poet" with a profound depth of feeling.

Notable Quote:
[54:11] Jamie Laing: "She is a poet. She wrote a poetry book, which we didn't even mention."

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Key Takeaways

1. Embracing Authenticity: Jesse emphasizes the importance of being true to oneself in both personal and professional realms.
2. Mental Health Management: She advocates for healthy outlets like music, yoga, and solitude to manage overwhelming emotions.
3. Resilience and Growth: Jesse's journey illustrates how overcoming struggles with addiction and depression can lead to personal and artistic growth.
4. Empowerment and Solidarity: Addressing misconduct and supporting each other fosters a safer and more supportive industry environment.
5. Advice for Aspiring Artists: Embrace failure, seek continuous improvement, and maintain mental resilience to navigate the complexities of the music industry.

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This episode offers a raw and insightful look into Jesse Reyes' life, capturing her vulnerabilities, strengths, and the unyielding spirit that fuels her artistry. Listeners are left inspired by her honesty and encouraged to find their own paths to resilience and authenticity.

Notable Quotes Overview:

• Jamie Laing expresses deep appreciation for Jesse's authenticity and emotional depth throughout the episode.
• Jesse's vivid metaphors illustrate her internal battles with depression and her journey towards sobriety and personal growth.

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Stay Connected:
Subscribe to Great Company with Jamie Laing on Acast or your preferred podcast platform to catch future episodes featuring more inspiring guests.

Transcript

[Aura Sponsor]

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[Hannah Berner]

Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

[Jesse Reyes]

Hey, guys. Welcome to Giggly Squad, a place where.

[Hannah Berner]

We make fun of everything, but most importantly ourselves.

[Jesse Reyes]

I'm Paige Desorbo. I'm Hannah Berner. Welcome to the squad. Giggly Squad started on Summer House when.

[Hannah Berner]

We were giggling during an inappropriate time.

[Jesse Reyes]

But of course, we can't be managed.

[Hannah Berner]

So we decided to start this podcast to continue giggling.

[Jesse Reyes]

We will make fun of pop culture news. We're watching fashion trends, pep talks where we give advice, mental health moments and games and guests.

[Hannah Berner]

Listen to Giggly Squad on Acast or wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.

[Jamie Laing]

Hello everyone. My name is Jamie Laing and this is great company. Well, hello, Jemima.

[Jemima]

Can you do it without a well, hello, Jemima. Hello.

[Jamie Laing]

How are you? Well, Jemima just asked me to start the podcast without a well, change it up.

[Jemima]

I'm just trying to. Just trying to spice.

[Jamie Laing]

I'm trying to spice up the podcast.

[Jemima]

Trying to spice it up.

[Jamie Laing]

We are a year just to get spicy. We are a year into the podcast, but we do like to start it as always, which is saying with the. Hello, my name is Jamie. I'm the host of this podcast great company and this is Jemima who is.

[Jemima]

The producer of the show.

[Jamie Laing]

And the reason why we do this, we sit together if you are new listeners, is because we like to have the insight of the host as well as the producer because you make the magic happen. Bit of the be little bit of this.

[Jemima]

Hey.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah.

[Jemima]

This is over a year.

[Jamie Laing]

Wow.

[Jemima]

We've been going over A year now. Well done, everyone.

[Jesse Reyes]

Oh.

[Jemima]

So what was our year episode, Eliza? Last week.

[Jamie Laing]

Last week was our year episode.

[Jemima]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

That is amazing. Hey, well, I want to say a big thank you to everyone who has listened to us over the past year. You guys are amazing. You really are.

[Jemima]

We love you.

[Jamie Laing]

We really, really do. And I appreciate every single one of you of always tuning in. I know you probably have busy days, probably don't have that much time, you're probably living your life, but to click on to our little podcast and listen to it is simply amazing. So thank you so much.

[Jemima]

And if you're new here, there's a whole 52 episodes to go back and listen to.

[Jamie Laing]

Boy, oh, boy. I could probably name every single episode.

[Jesse Reyes]

Really?

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah. Maybe. Do you want me to give it a go? Wow, this is going to be intense for the beginning of the episode, but I can give it a go.

[Jemima]

Go for it.

[Jamie Laing]

Youngblood.

[Jemima]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

Joe Brand.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yep.

[Jamie Laing]

Zara Larson.

[Jemima]

No.

[Jamie Laing]

Okay. Joe. Okay. Young Blood. Joe Brand. Plume of Faith.

[Jemima]

Yep.

[Jamie Laing]

Zara Last. Elizabeth Day.

[Jemima]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

Casper Lee.

[Jemima]

No.

[Jamie Laing]

Jesus. Okay, I give up. I honestly give up. Who's been your favorite guest?

[Jemima]

I can't. I don't think I can say who's.

[Hannah Berner]

Been your least favourite.

[Jemima]

No, I can.

[Jamie Laing]

Who's been your favorite one to edit?

[Jemima]

Favorite guest?

[Jamie Laing]

Favorite one to edit.

[Jemima]

Favorite guest. But I feel you don't want to say favorite guest because they're all good. I don't want to be rude.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah, but who's been your favorite to edit? That's not your favorite guest.

[Jemima]

Favorite guest to edit or favorite. So a dream guest of mine I've always, always wanted to work with was Alain de Bottin. And we had him on and he was just wonderful.

[Jamie Laing]

He was very amazing. And what would you say I have changed from the beginning of our journey to now?

[Jemima]

You've got a lot better at interviewing.

[Jamie Laing]

Have I really?

[Jemima]

Yeah, definitely. You've got like. You're way calmer.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah, I wasn't so calm at the beginning.

[Jemima]

Yeah. I've realized, though, I think that's my. That's my style is just. It's like as a producer, like, I don't interfere with you too much.

[Jamie Laing]

Best way to do it.

[Jemima]

It's like get you calm. I think that's the best result.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah. But for a lot of people don't realize is that you do as well. Because whenever I'm sitting at the table, Jemima, we have the iPad that sits with us and you'll constantly be writing notes in of, like, different questions, options.

[Jemima]

Yes, true. But it's also like they're there for you to ignore as well.

[Jamie Laing]

Very true. Do I ignore them?

[Jemima]

Sometimes. But that's what I'm just there. I'm just your safety net for you to go.

[Jamie Laing]

And when Jemima really wants something to, she puts in bold and big and sometimes in red and then sometimes in.

[Jemima]

Red and sometimes I underline it and.

[Jamie Laing]

Then I know exactly. And then sometimes I get. We only have five minutes left. Don't like that one.

[Jemima]

Yeah. Anyway, you've changed lots. You've got much better. But you weren't bad to begin with. You weren't bad to begin with.

[Jamie Laing]

Well, I would like to say, as we are complimenting each other while people are listening to this episode, I want to say you're a brilliant producer in every single way, and I'm very lucky to have you on the show.

[Jemima]

Oh, I think we're a good team.

[Jamie Laing]

We're an amazing team.

[Jemima]

We have synergy.

[Jamie Laing]

We have great synergy. Speaking of synergy, we have a guest today, and our guest today is Jesse Reyes. Jesse Reyes, Jessi Reyes is a Colombian Canadian singer, songwriter. She has collaborated with some of the biggest stars in this world. She's collaborated with Calvin Harris, Eminem. She wrote the song One Kiss with Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa. She's written her own music, like Figures. She's worked with Little Wayne. I mean, within the industry. She is renowned. Sam Smith. She's renowned to be a complete superstar. Jesse is one of those really unique people who has a lot of fire and a lot of emotion and is an amazing storyteller.

[Jemima]

She's definitely a musician's musician.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah. Any musician out there, they know her. They know exactly who Jesse Reyes is. She's incredible.

[Jemima]

I'm so excited. She's really cool.

[Jamie Laing]

She's really cool. Jessie's had lots of things in her life, from hard upbringing to experiencing sexual misconduct in the workplace by one of her music producers. Yep. And she was vocal about it. She didn't name who the person was and then other people came out and named him and she felt that she then had the power to voice who it actually was. She's a huge actress for women empowerment, which is amazing. She's a strong, fiery individual and I cannot wait to have her on.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah.

[Jamie Laing]

Are you ready for this?

[Jemima]

I'm really excited. She's just so cool. And if you don't know her music, do go and listen to it. She's also got a new album which is called Pagan Memories.

[Jamie Laing]

Correct. And we'll leave the link in the description below. Anything you need is in the description below of this podcast as well. If you haven't subscribed to us already, please do. And please let us know in the comments which guests you would like next because we want to hear from you. We also on social media, YouTube and of course you can email us great company productions.co.uk are you ready for this?

[Jemima]

I'm ready.

[Jamie Laing]

Please enjoy this episode of Great Company with Jesse Reyes.

[Jesse Reyes]

Good evening. My name is Jesse Rez and I am in Great company. I. I love your guys videos.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, you see them? What? Get out of here.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Wait, you like the videos we're recording? You like the videos?

[Jesse Reyes]

I love them. Yeah. You guys, you guys, you guys kill me, man. Your. Your meter from regular skin color to red when you guys start cackling is the fucking best.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. I'm about to blow up. I find work, life, balance, the hardest thing. I thought. This is what I find the hardest thing at the moment. Like to juggle family, work, relationship, friendships. I'm way off at the moment and it feels like a lot of my energy is just going into work.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Which actually also doesn't make it that fun sometimes because when work becomes work.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. What's your escape?

[Hannah Berner]

It's not as fun. Do you feel like that a lot?

[Jesse Reyes]

Not a lot anymore. I used to feel like that often. And then 2020 kind of reset me and I started making more of an effort to enjoy my life more. Like for years I kind of just had my head down and I'd been hustling like a motherfucker and I. I also didn't like grow up rich or anything. So when I started making money, I had this weird relationship with success where I almost. I didn't want to look at my bank account. I just wanted to keep working. I wanted to keep working. And. And 2020 hit forced me to stop working. And I kind of looked around and realized that I'd given up so many years of my life and hadn't reaped the benefits of or like eaten the fruit that I'd worked so hard for. I didn't even like bit of strawberry, you know, so.

[Hannah Berner]

I know exactly what you mean.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. I started eating some fruits. 2020. It was nice.

[Hannah Berner]

When you, when you say fruits, is that metaphorical is actually eating fruits or is it more like you bought like a slide?

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah, I bought a truck.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, you bought a truck. Truck and a Lamborghini. What did I say?

[Jesse Reyes]

Lamborghini. It's a ghetto ass truck. I ain't going to tell you the mark Just in case because I got some stalkers that be trimming but is a nice little truck. And I spend a lot of time up north now. I'm really, I'm a lot better with my off time, you know. You know, hustle culture. It makes you feel guilty for that. So you really have to set boundaries and, and, and make sure you're working when you have to work so that you, you, you, you could silence any guilt that might come from that. Because you only feel guilty when you, when you half ass it. But if you've been fucking sweating and now it's time to rest, you have to rest in order to work that hard.

[Hannah Berner]

Because life is about this, life is about that. I always. A heart monitor goes up and down. If it's flatlining, you're dead. It has to do this boom, boom the whole time. And, and I, and I think so many people who are going to be listening to this will relate to you with that. Where it's like this, this like constant treadmill that we're on and it's like. And then as soon as we stop doing it. I had this thing recently which is like where I suddenly realized that like there were clouds and there was like blue sky and like there were flowers and there were trees and I just hadn't, I'd been so down and everything that I hadn't noticed that there was this world going on around me that was so beautiful. And so I'm trying to put my head up more metaphorically. Yeah, I think so. I just. Yeah, I just hadn't noticed anything.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Which wasn't good.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Do you think you've always been a workaholic?

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Ever since you were a kid?

[Jesse Reyes]

Ever since I was a kid, I had a front row seat. My parents have very, very like admirable work ethic and it bled into me. Mind you, I didn't always have the best relationship with authority, so my work ethic didn't really have a chance to shine up until I was in charge of my own shit and up until I was doing what I absolutely loved, which is music. So I've always had great work ethic, but I had a bit of issues with authority.

[Hannah Berner]

Well, give it to me. What do you mean?

[Jesse Reyes]

Just fired a few times? More than a few. Fired several.

[Hannah Berner]

How many times do you think you've been fired?

[Jesse Reyes]

Oh, I can't count anymore. Over, over, over, over. Six.

[Hannah Berner]

You've been fired six times?

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. Yeah. That's how I knew that I was like, I'm destined for this. Because everything else Would have been a fucking failure. Everything else would have been failure. But yeah, yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

What were you fired for?

[Jesse Reyes]

I had dance three times at three times out of the week. And I, and I dance practice got canceled, but I had those in the schedule that I couldn't work those days. I was like, that. I got a day off, but then, you know, your frontal lobe isn't really developed. And I got hungry and I was like, and that's the closest store to my house because I was a cashier there. So I was like, fuck it. I'm gonna slide in, slide out, maybe nobody will see me. And then I got the bright idea of going in with rollerblades because I was like, if I could go in and rollerblade, get out and go in the fast track lane, there's more of a chance of me being successful. And boy, was it not like, fuck. I. I got a call later that day and she called me and she was like, jesse, it doesn't really seem like you want to work here. And I was like, you're right. And that was how the conversation ended.

[Hannah Berner]

That's how it started.

[Jesse Reyes]

And that's how it ended. Yeah. And then I. And then I pretty much got fired. Willingly fired. That was one of them. And then the other one, I was 14, I think, and I was working. I used to have multiple jobs all at the same time. I was working at Wildwater Kingdom, which is a water park in Toronto, or I was fifth. It was my second year working there. I ended up working there four years all through high school. I would work there the summers because I could get free funnel cakes and I could get free access to the water park. So I was like, mini, this is great. Cool with everybody. Management loved me. And this fucking lady comes up to me, I'm at the final kickstart and she's with her fucking loud ass kid. And she goes, she said something, she wanted something. She's yelling at her kid and then she starts yelling, she's like, I want this. And I was like, okay. I'm like, it's gonna be $10. Like, I told her how much it was and this. Took all her cash and threw it.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh my God.

[Jesse Reyes]

And she threw it at me. She threw it. She didn't throw it at me, she threw it on the table, but towards me and I caught the disrespect and I was like, I took the money and I didn't get her change. And I'm like, here's your change. And I threw it back because I was petty, because I Was young and petty with an underdeveloped frontal lobe. And I threw it. And this lady lost her fucking mind. This lady lost her mind. She started cussing like crazy, like she had a megaphone but all she had was lungs. And she's going off and then it's just watching. And then I'm cussing back. She's significantly bigger than me. This lady's at least a foot bigger. At least like 40 pounds heavier. She's a grown woman. And I'm a little teenager, but I'm loudmouth. So I'm cussing back. I'm like, oh, no, I'm cussing back. We're eye to eye. And this lady gets up and she stands up on the fucking counter. And now she's cussing down at me. And I'm like, you. And I'm like, I'm still cussing at her. And everyone's like, holy shit. Holy shit. And she looks like she's about to jump on me. Mind you, she's bigger than me, so I had no choice. So I back up and we're at the funnel cake. Do you know what funnel cakes are?

[Hannah Berner]

No.

[Jesse Reyes]

So they're like deep fried dough.

[Hannah Berner]

Okay. Like a donut kind of.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah, yeah, Like. Like a waffle that's been shot at. This is kind of li holes. So that's what it looks like, right?

[Hannah Berner]

Sweat that description. It's like a donut. Like a wobble that's being shot at. Okay.

[Jesse Reyes]

So then I back up.

[Hannah Berner]

Are they good? Are they good?

[Jesse Reyes]

They're fire. That's why I worked there. Cuz they're so cracked. They're cracked. Actually is cracked. But anyways, I back up and the only thing I could grab was one of the frying pans. Cuz it was in there with the.

[Hannah Berner]

Get out of here.

[Jesse Reyes]

No, you didn't, I swear. But then. But then everything didn't. It. It sounds like it's about to get to be a lot of carnage. But no, I grabbed the. I grabbed the fine print and I lifted up to go. And then everybody got in between us then. Because then they realized what the was gonna happen. And then they pulled us apart. They kicked their ass out of the. Out of the park. And she's eating her funnel cake as she's walking out with her kid. And then my management comes by and they reprimand me. Like, jesse, like, how could you? Like, what's going on? And I was like, y'all don't understand. I'm trying to defend myself. And they're like, come, let's go to the office, and I'm like, okay. And so I go to the office with them, which I'm very reminiscent of school. I go to the office with them, and then they close the door and we sit down and they're like, all right, tell us what happened. Because they loved me because I was just cool with everybody. So it was. It was just funny. They had to put up a front with everyone because it looked fucked up, but they knew me enough to know that I wasn't completely in the wrong if it got to that level. It's not like. It's not something that I would have instigated. I could have handled it differently had I been more mature.

[Hannah Berner]

Jesse, how old were you at this point?

[Jesse Reyes]

14? 15. Yeah, 14. 15.

[Hannah Berner]

And you went to pick up a frying pan?

[Jesse Reyes]

To pick up a frying pan. Actually, funny enough, that's the only one I didn't get fired from.

[Hannah Berner]

That's not even a far story.

[Jesse Reyes]

That's not even part of the story.

[Hannah Berner]

That's not even a firing story. That's just you just attacking someone.

[Jesse Reyes]

Defending.

[Hannah Berner]

Defending. Sorry, let me put it out. That was you defending yourself with a frying pan?

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Were you always a. I'm the same as you. At school, I was, like, reckless, you know, I was just all over the place. My parents just thought I was naughty. I would, like, break windows. I would steal money. Weird. I'm not even kidding. Like, four years old. Yeah, yeah. Mcleptomaniac. You better watch your. Because it'll be gone by the end. But I used to steal so much stuff from my. I was like, four, and I used to steal money. I couldn't even use it. And I used to hide it in around the house. I used to film, like, House Keys and I was like, basically, like, then if you have in the States. But in the uk, there's something called a magpie, which, like, they like shiny things.

[Jesse Reyes]

My dad is like a magpie.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, yeah. I like shiny things. I used to just take it the whole time. But I then, because of all of that, I thought I was a naughty kid. And so then teenage years, I was just. Well, I'm naughty.

[Jesse Reyes]

Oh, you identified with it 100%. Ain't that a bitch?

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, it's terrible. So my question is, did you identify as a sort of reckless kid? Then? How does that manifest in your life?

[Jesse Reyes]

I mean, professionally, I've been able to alchemize it in a way that I found useful, where I could stand behind what I do because I'm authentic in my Choices. And also it helps me swallow failure because if I fuck up in a choice, it's my choice directly and I can live with it. If I'm fucking up and I'm making mistakes, but I'm trying to aim to someone else's perception of who they think I am, it's going to be a lot harder for me to swallow mistakes, you know, so if I'm fucking up on my own accord because I. I've been able to identify with being reckless and just being myself regardless of the consequences, it's easier for me to, to walk through, particularly the music industry, because it could get a little convoluted. I've been able to alchemize it now that I'm an adult, but younger, it was a little bit more difficult because. Because I would just, you know, you end up in trouble and everyone kind of not shrugs their shoulders, but they're like, what do you expect? You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

I feel like. I feel like you have these like big emotions. Like I can feel it on you.

[Jesse Reyes]

Valid.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. Yeah. How do you.

[Jesse Reyes]

How do you.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. How do you live with such big emotions? How do you do it? How do you process them? How do you get through them? How do you. Because when you feel so much as a human, it's hard to move or get through people because you must feel people, relationships, you just feel.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. I create. I create like vomit. I create like a river. I create like a volcano at peak. I create like a waterfall. It just kind of comes out and. And I thank God for that because if I didn't, I think I'd fucking explode. I think I'd be dead, to be honest.

[Hannah Berner]

Really?

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. If I didn't have an outlet for it. And I've also learned to not self soothe, but to know myself enough to be like, oh, I need to make. And I need solitude. Those are my. That's my medicine to calibrate the overstimulation of feeling too much.

[Hannah Berner]

So. Because, you know, if you look at someone like Amy Winehouse, right. She obviously felt as well and that, you know, ended so sadly. And I think when people feel a lot, because I think I've been in this bracket, right. You. When you feel and you don't understand it, that's when you kind of can lean into maybe like medicating and like drinking too much or whatever. So how do you make sure that doesn't happen?

[Jesse Reyes]

I'm sober now.

[Hannah Berner]

Are you? Okay. Congrats.

[Jesse Reyes]

Thank you.

[Hannah Berner]

Love that. She said sadly, no, that's amazing. Hey, Jesse. Good on you.

[Jesse Reyes]

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. It's been. It's been almost two years.

[Hannah Berner]

Wow.

[Jesse Reyes]

Liquor. More than two. Yeah. The album release party. My album release party.

[Hannah Berner]

Come on. I love that.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

How was that Journey? That's. I'm so interested in this space.

[Jesse Reyes]

I used to bartend for years. I've had a lot of jobs. I used to bartend for years. I was a bottle service girl for years, too. And then when I started in the music industry, like when you work. When you work nightlife, you. You learn how to be drunk and have your fucking wits about you still. So I could count money drunk and I was okay. And it taught me how to function.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Jesse Reyes]

And then. And then in studios, you're drinking, and then on days off, you're drinking, and then on show days, because you're nervous before you go on stage, you're drinking. And it just. I noticed that it was a crutch. My family wasn't a fan of it. My exes weren't a fan of it. Shit, I wasn't a fan of it the next morning or the morning, the mornings after. Anyways, I wasn't a fan of it either. Ultimately, I definitely miss it, though. There's moments where I miss it like a mother.

[Hannah Berner]

But what was that moment?

[Jesse Reyes]

Because I think the last time I got drunk.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Jesse Reyes]

My album release party for Yesi.

[Hannah Berner]

Wow. What happened?

[Jesse Reyes]

I got torched. I'm grown. This is enough. Because my poor mom. My poor mom has. I started drinking so young. I got a whole bunch of older cousins. Yeah. And the first time they got me up, I was. I was 11 years old. 11, 12. That's the first time I got drunk. And then I started drinking in high school at like 14.

[Hannah Berner]

And it's fun to begin with, of course.

[Jesse Reyes]

Of course. It's so fun to begin with. But it's reckless. I'm surprised I didn't die. There's so. My mom's prayers have saved me from a lot. There's a lot of nights I could have fucking died. But I have really good friends that would drag my ass home. But that's what I mean. My poor mom has had to open that door and see me like that so often that when that happened, I was just the next. The hangover lasted days. Like two, three days. And my mom.

[Hannah Berner]

But anxiety or just hangover?

[Jesse Reyes]

Yes, anxiety too. Of course. I said what to who I was with. Like, it's just ass. I was like, oh, this is enough. My body hates it. My body's rejecting it. I've done it for years. And luckily, my first sober show.

[Hannah Berner]

Okay. So.

[Jesse Reyes]

Because I used to. I used to. It was a must. I'd always take, like, one shot, two shots before.

[Hannah Berner]

To get the. To get the buzz and the confidence and to get the nerves away.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah, yeah. And so then it was. Then I was able to, like, curb that, but I would still use it for life and studio. And then. And then, yeah, the album release party was just. Fuck a fucking shit show. Nothing bad happened. I took it as a blessing, grace from God. And then I was like, this is. This is enough. We should call it a day.

[Hannah Berner]

Walk me through it. So you woke up in the morning, you're like, I'm done. This is it. I'm done.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. And then my mom. It's just embarrassing, you know? It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. And it's even more embarrassing when you have a mom like mine that tries to be understanding, because then you. She's not even mad. She's just like, mija, like, still. Mucho. This is too much, like, you know, not angry. I just. I don't know. She did great, though, because it served enough to get me to stop.

[Hannah Berner]

Do you miss it?

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

What do you miss about it?

[Jesse Reyes]

You know when I miss it the most? When I can't have fun without it, which is great because I know a lot of people can't. Yeah, I can have a great. I can. I could. I could just have fun without it. I could dance. I'll dance all night. Sober as. When I miss it the most is when life is hard. Do I miss it then? Oof. Because. Because I just. There's nothing. There's. You're just in the weeds and you're on your own. And it used to serve like a little life. Like a little life jacket, like a little donut, for the moment even. Obviously, it wasn't a. A solution that had any longevity, but at least for the moment, it was just a little bit of like, ah. And now I don't have that. Now it's just breath work and prayer I'm working out. Or yoga or nature, something else, but nothing that has the. Like that. That mechanical as. As mechanical as an effect. Actually, there's one thing that kind of has a little bit of a mechanical effect, which is a. This. This. This thought. Technique, for lack of a better word, that I learned in the Power of Now that just teaches you to observe what you're thinking and observe what you're feeling as opposed to feeling it. So you kind of take a step behind Yourself.

[Hannah Berner]

Run me through this. Give me an example. What do you mean?

[Jesse Reyes]

Like, right now, I just got emotional.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah.

[Jesse Reyes]

And I'm able to step back and see myself feel that as opposed to feeling it. It's almost like if your POV just got grabbed and just moved back. And it's nice because it unloads you. I'm not holding that weight anymore because I'm just watching it and I understand that my thoughts aren't me and my feelings aren't me. I'm just the awareness. It's kind of. It's a little bit esoteric. The book does a better job of. I'm butchering it a little bit.

[Hannah Berner]

No, you're not. I get it. I get it. But it's. I know what you mean. It's that. It's that reliable friend that gets you through those hard times. But it's the easy option. It is the easy option and feeling it. And you're getting emotional now because it's hard, right?

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah, it's hard. It's hard when it's hard. But I'm. I'm happy I haven't broken when it's hard.

[Hannah Berner]

Don't break.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Don't.

[Jesse Reyes]

No. No, I won't. I got. I. I.

[Hannah Berner]

There's really close people in my life.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. Real, real, real close.

[Jesse Reyes]

Nice.

[Hannah Berner]

And it's hard. And it's. It's. It's hard, but it's. It's. It's an amazing thing because it changes your life for the better. And I flirted with it.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. My 20s would mad crazy. And I used. I used. I'm really ever said this. I used alcohol, really, to numb everything. And I would drink all the time. I would go to meetings drunk.

[Jesse Reyes]

Me too.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. I'd take shots before I went into the meeting to make sure that I'd be okay because my anxiety was too high.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

And it was not a good thing. But then when you. Yeah. It's also. If we. If I look at it sometimes as. It's like a. It's a poison and it's this and that. And so there are so many other things in life that give us that excitement and that joy.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. You just have to find them. Makes you stronger, too, without it.

[Hannah Berner]

Also, the problem with you, when you feel so much, when you put alcohol into that, you feel even more.

[Jesse Reyes]

Oh, my God. Let me tell you something. That's what I don't miss. I am so happy of not. There was so many calls that shouldn't have been made, so many conversations that shouldn't have been had. It's insane.

[Hannah Berner]

It's insane.

[Jesse Reyes]

I should have deleted my ex's numbers. It would have saved me so much. It's crazy.

[Hannah Berner]

Give it to me. Because a lot of your songs, right?

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Are about heartbreak, you know, Especially, you know, if you go back to your first song in, like, 2016 figures, right, which blew up, went viral. What do you like in a relationship? And what do you like when. Heartbreak.

[Jesse Reyes]

What do I like? Or what am I like?

[Hannah Berner]

What are you like in a relationship?

[Jesse Reyes]

What am I like now or.

[Hannah Berner]

Then let's give the past tense and try and be. And listen. I'll be real with you. I will be as honest with you about me. So you just this. What were you like?

[Jesse Reyes]

Tyrant. A tyrant. A tyrant. But I wasn't healthy. How could I have loved someone healthy if I didn't even love myself? Like. But I was a fucking tyrant. I was very passionate and just making stupid decisions. There was relationships that should have ended within the first year. Trying to trust people that didn't want to be trusted is a joke. Loud, angry passion, Latina throwing things. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. And I don't miss that version of me at all.

[Hannah Berner]

The passion is a good thing.

[Jesse Reyes]

Sometimes is a great thing. Passion and liquor is a different. It's a different monster. Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

I can feel the energy with you now, right? Like, it's. It's a. It's a. It's the energy that I love. That's like a bouncy ball in a room. And trying to control that as a parent is quite a lot. So how do your parents control you?

[Jesse Reyes]

People see us. Like, my parents come on tour with me. My parents are often at my crib. If I'm traveling, chances are they're traveling with me. That's gang. But people see that and assume that it was always like that. And it really wasn't for, like, since I. Since I hit puberty, since 12, 13, till about 19, 20, we were at war. I ran away all the time. I lived with my aunt. I lived with boyfriends. I live with, like, homegirls. I. I just had. We were just at war. And then my first time ever being depressed, I kind of went underground. And when I finally came up, I looked around, and the only people that were legitimately there were my parents. And that was the first time that I woke up and I was like, oh, you've been a fucking asshole. And that was the first time that I also thought, like, or, you know, you have that realization when you get older, when you're like, oh, my parents are just humans. Like, they're just doing their best. How could I have expected them to have done anything more than what they did? Because they were just doing what they could with the tools that they were given from the parents that they had, you know, which seems so normal. But everyone doesn't know that under a certain age, that's something that you only come to with age. So it was difficult for them, but now they're reaping the benefits because all I do is apologize and try to. And try to mend or not. Not make amends, but give them sufficient compensation for their years of suffering.

[Hannah Berner]

When was that moment that you suddenly realized that? Because that's always a big moment when you realize that your parents are just humans. They're not superheroes. They don't know everything. They're just working and figuring everything out as much as we are. And you are. And everyone in this room is.

[Jesse Reyes]

It was a few things during those years. A few things. But you just, you know, trials and tribulations that you. You see their humanity. You see there. You see under the armor, or they make choices that you wouldn't have, and then all of a sudden you think you have. You might have had better judgment in that situation. That kind of fucked that. That mind fucked me for a bit. Yep, that mind fucked me for a bit. Great for ego.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, great for ego.

[Jesse Reyes]

Ego.

[Hannah Berner]

When did you know that you wanted to do music?

[Jesse Reyes]

I was always doing shows around the house, so my mom knew before I did, because before I was conscious of me, she saw it. Like, I would just stand in front of the TV watching Pavarotti and then trying to sing his songs, and she saw it in me. At, like, 3, there was this music school in the basement of the Pizza Hut at the corner mall. And she took me there and she tried to put me in lessons. And the guy was like, no, no, she's too small. She's too small. My mom with her. With. She did her best. She convinced him to take me on as a student, even though he kept saying, no, no, I was too little. And my mom was like, I'll just pay her to come. It doesn't even. Even if she doesn't retain it, I just want her to be here and, like, be in the environment. Yeah. And my mom fought for that and. And convinced him. And then that's when I started piano lessons at three. I wish I stuck it out because I'd be a great pianist now, obviously, things Worked out pretty well, though.

[Hannah Berner]

I think it worked all right.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah, it worked out all right. But it would have been a nice additional skill to have honed in on.

[Hannah Berner]

That's crazy. Were you writing music then? In your bedroom? Where were you writing your music?

[Jesse Reyes]

Writing in my bedroom. Writing in. I mean, I really started writing songs at like 5 grade 5. How old are you? 10, 11 years old is when I started writing. Writing songs. But I didn't really write a good song until high school. And I'll never forget, because I was. I would. This is when the depression kind of started to hit and I wouldn't not be able to stay in class because I'd be too emotional and I'd end up skipping and I'd go to the music room because the music room had a room inside with a piano and a guitar and I could just hang out there. And my music teacher, Mr. Lausser, was one of the few teachers that. That. That worked. Chill. But he would see that and let me hang out in there and call the other teachers and be like, she's in here. She's not skipping. She's still in school, but she's in here. So that would like. They'd kind of give me a Blythe. Anyways, my homegirl Mona, who's one of my oldest, best friends, she. She came into the room one day because I wasn't at lunch with. With them, and she was like, what are you doing? And I showed her a song I was working on and she got emotional. I'll never forget that. Yeah. Because I was going through it, but it was the first time that I saw one of my songs move someone. Yep.

[Hannah Berner]

That's a big moment.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. Yeah, I remember that very vividly. She's great. I love her. Her kid's my godson.

[Hannah Berner]

What was the song about?

[Jesse Reyes]

Some motherfucking boy.

[Hannah Berner]

Seems like a theme.

[Jesse Reyes]

He's a great guy, too. He's great. Not to. He was young. How could I have expected more of him? He had underdeveloped frontal lobe.

[Hannah Berner]

It's always his lobe. Yeah. Jaz, you mentioned the depression right before. Like you said it to me. Talk me through that. Because I think, you know, in my 20s, I suffered like severely with anxiety, but I. When it first kicked in, I didn't understand it. I didn't know what was going on. And I know people listening to this right now will probably be in the mix of something. It is. So can you describe to me what your depression felt like and why you think it happened?

[Jesse Reyes]

It was the first time that something that wasn't tangible, that wasn't material, had the capacity to physically hurt that. And that felt like a dark magic because I didn't understand, like, you feel like you've been stabbed, but there's no knife to take out. It's so spooky. So that. That's what that. That was. Which I'm sure anybody who's gone through it can relate.

[Hannah Berner]

That's such a good description.

[Jesse Reyes]

It's.

[Hannah Berner]

That's such a good. I've never even thought of it that way. You can't. Where's the. Where's the pain coming from? Why am I feeling this pain? Because I can't see it.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

How old were you?

[Jesse Reyes]

16, 17. When it really hit. 16, 17.

[Hannah Berner]

And because of a boil, because of what was going on in life.

[Jesse Reyes]

Combination. Combination. I was a troubled kid, rebellious kid. And heartbreak didn't really help. Didn't have my brother around. And there was just a lot. There was a lot that contributed to it. Music really helped. Music really helped. You know, everyone around you who loves you is like, you're gonna get through it, man. After the first heartbreak, it's just so funny. And if you're lucky enough to be with the love of your life and you happen to be high school sweethearts and you've. And you've never experience this God damn you kind of blessings, because the way that there's this. It's almost comical because when you get crushed, all of a sudden there's like. If you're lucky and you have a community of people, there's this, like, onslaught of heads that come around, and you're looking up, and everyone's like, it happens to everybody. Oh, don't worry about this. Oh, there's more fish in the sea. Ah, this is normal. And everyone tries to convince you that it's, like, a norm. And it is, for a lot of people, a rite of passage. Your first fucking heartbreak. But it's hard not to doubt what they're saying when they say, you'll get through it. You're great. You deserve someone. Because to you, I mean, for me at least, I received it like, oh, but you love me. You're speaking to me with bias. How do you know that I'm gonna be. How do you know that? You don't fucking know. And you think I'm great because you love me. So I couldn't even. I can't trust your word. So it felt like I couldn't even find comfort in their consolations. But when I heard comfort in music from someone objective, that Was able to detail the same pain. I was like, oh, maybe I'm not alone. As a cliche, as cheesy as it is, but it made me feel. She made me feel not alone.

[Hannah Berner]

What was that song? Who's that artist?

[Jesse Reyes]

Amy. Amy Winehouse. Back to Black hit like a. Like a bag of bricks. Yeah, but all her songs, like, so many of her songs. But Back to Black hit like, a ton of breaks.

[Hannah Berner]

Do you ever meet her?

[Jesse Reyes]

I wish. I wish. No, in heaven, in the spirit world. Maybe we'll jam together one day. But no, not in this life.

[Hannah Berner]

My friend, he just bought the house next to her old house.

[Jesse Reyes]

No shit.

[Hannah Berner]

In North London.

[Jesse Reyes]

Wow.

[Hannah Berner]

And what is so kind of beautiful, but is that the amount of people that come in graffiti and, like, write messages on the wall. And for the owners of the house, they're a bit like, can we stop doing this? Can we stop doing this? But also they respect that. What an incredible legacy. Legacy.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

That is a legacy.

[Jesse Reyes]

That's a legacy.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, because you're huge on legacy.

[Jesse Reyes]

I'm huge on legacy. Yeah. I like it. I like it as a North Star.

[Hannah Berner]

Why? Explain that?

[Jesse Reyes]

It makes life a bit more defined. Helps me make better choices. Helps me think of, I don't know, just making sure I could leave the world better than I found it somehow. I don't know. The people that, you know, of, making the people that love you proud, making the people that. That fucking sweat for you and sacrifice for you and. And. And we're in the gutters with you proud and making them happy, making sure everyone's cool, all that.

[Hannah Berner]

It's interesting, with all the success you can get and all the fame, the money, the. The awards, whatever it is, that is not. Yeah, that's fun, but that's not really what we kind of want in the end. What we want is to make our people that we love and care about proud of us.

[Jamie Laing]

And like you said, I want both, for the record.

[Jesse Reyes]

But, yeah, column A, a little bit of column B.

[Hannah Berner]

Yes. You didn't mention that. So. Okay, so. Okay, so we want to know.

[Jesse Reyes]

You're right, but. You're right. It's the. It's the. The core. The heart of it. The heart of it is. Is the sentimentality. Yes.

[Hannah Berner]

Because I heard that you. All you want to do is you want to buy your dad a farm and you want to set up an orphanage for your mum.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

That is beautiful.

[Jesse Reyes]

Thank you. Thank you. The. The farm came and went because I've been trying, and my dad's like. He's. He's not. Because I got to the point where I could. Thank God. I got to the point where I could. And I was like, all right. And we went to go look anyways. It's a long story, but ultimately he was like, I think I'm okay.

[Hannah Berner]

Wait, why was he okay?

[Jesse Reyes]

Because. Because I got a spot up north that's like a lot more chill. It's right by the water. It's low maintenance. A farm is a lot a farm. And the way I want it to is like, want some horses? I want some goats. Maybe someday still. But my drive to do it with urgency was for him. And he pretty much took the. Took his foot off the. Off the pedal and was like, you could chill. It's. It's fine. I'm good.

[Jamie Laing]

Hello, I'm Jamie Lang.

[Jesse Reyes]

And I'm Sophie Habe.

[Jamie Laing]

And we have been married for a year.

[Jesse Reyes]

One whole year.

[Jamie Laing]

Join us as we navigate married life, hear wild stories from our listeners, and meet some of our favorite celebrity couples.

[Jesse Reyes]

That's where each week, we dive into the world of newlywed bliss.

[Jamie Laing]

Is. Is that what it is?

[Hannah Berner]

Bliss?

[Jesse Reyes]

Jamie, Just pretend that we're newlyweds.

[Jamie Laing]

One year down and a lifetime to go.

[Jesse Reyes]

Love you, honey.

[Jamie Laing]

Listen, every Monday, just search newlyweds wherever you get your podcasts.

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[Hannah Berner]

What was your first breakup that you remember?

[Jesse Reyes]

First breakup.

[Hannah Berner]

Your first heartbreak.

[Jesse Reyes]

My first heartbreak. Well, that was the depression one.

[Hannah Berner]

Was that the depression one?

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. Yeah. That's why I got thrown into oblivion. Otherwise, I wouldn't have hit that much. But my first heartbreak came at. Came young, and that was my first love. And that shit rocked me. That shit rocked me.

[Hannah Berner]

But because you don't even understand it, do you?

[Jesse Reyes]

You don't understand it. But so many good stories came from that. So many good stories came from that because I. Because I was a maniac and. And. And. And. And shit happens how it's supposed to happen. It was more so the craziest thing wasn't so much me in a relationship, it's me freshly out of it. That's the one that you shouldn't give the gun to.

[Hannah Berner]

Why?

[Jesse Reyes]

Because she's nuts? Because she was nuts? Because she was nuts.

[Hannah Berner]

That's your passion. You know, You. You. You can't help. You are.

[Jamie Laing]

That's your.

[Hannah Berner]

Or just. You're just authentically you. Right. That's who it is.

[Jesse Reyes]

But I'm much better now. I don't. I don't resort to violence. I don't.

[Jamie Laing]

I get that.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. Much better now.

[Hannah Berner]

Talk about music. Okay. Because I. I'm so with you where you say that like without being out of. But the reason it's so funny you use that term. I swear to God. And Jemima can also vouch for this. The reason I started my sort of production company and do stuff for this. Because I always say I want to vomit creativity into a bucket. I have always said that because I need to get it out of me. 100 and so with you and music and you have collaborated with amazing people and you have your new album and it's outright.

[Jesse Reyes]

It'll be out when this comes.

[Hannah Berner]

It'll be out.

[Jesse Reyes]

Painted Memories is out.

[Hannah Berner]

Let's go.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Let's go. What is the difference between your music then and your music now?

[Jesse Reyes]

I'm better. I'm a better musician, better artist. I've. I sharpen my pencil, I sharpen my knife. I'm vocal coaches. I study music. I break down lyrics. I come on. Yeah. Take piano lessons. I'm just better.

[Hannah Berner]

What do you think that's because of age? Going sober? Just life.

[Jesse Reyes]

No drive. My. My work ethic is just something that's innate and my drive to. Actually maybe. I'm sure it has to do with the self work I've done too. I'm just always in pursuit of greatness. Always in pursuit of getting better. And there's always room for improvement.

[Hannah Berner]

There's a voicemail from Sam Smith.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah, there's a voice note from Sam Smith.

[Hannah Berner]

Talk to me about that.

[Jesse Reyes]

I love them. I love them. Love the uk, man. Shit. I told them about some shit I was going through and. Yeah. Just honestly, it's just two friends talking and me sending them an update about some fuckery and them sending me back a very sobering. Sobering consolation. Which was nice. Sobering. And it felt like a hug, you know, someone on your side.

[Hannah Berner]

Wow.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. Yeah. Very pertinent to the song too. Like the song is exactly about the situation. I don't even know if I want to. Well, whatever. Yep. Anyways. Nothing. It's. But it's just. It's just fucked. It's a fucked up song. Fucked up situation, fucked up story.

[Hannah Berner]

But you can tell me about it if you want.

[Jesse Reyes]

No, that's Fair.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, I tried.

[Jesse Reyes]

Thanks. Sing the song.

[Hannah Berner]

Okay. Jesse. What's so funny is I could. You're now getting emotional because you can feel it again.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. Yeah. Very surface. They're easily accessible.

[Hannah Berner]

You don't let go of emotions.

[Jesse Reyes]

Oh, my God. I wish I could. I try.

[Hannah Berner]

It's like a draw, like a present draw, like, of just these emotions that you keep. You can't. But that's a good thing as well, I think.

[Jesse Reyes]

What do you mean, a present draw?

[Hannah Berner]

Well, I don't know why I described it, that my mum always had a draw which was, like, full of, like.

[Jesse Reyes]

Presents and things like that. I thought you meant like a present draw, like drawing presents. No, no.

[Hannah Berner]

Like, where she'd keep gifts and stuff like that. And you have, like, a drawer of emotions that you just can't let go of.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. It's like a suitcase that I wish I could kick.

[Hannah Berner]

And that's why you hate. You have to write about it. You have to create, because otherwise they don't get out. They just stay there.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah, I think so. Maybe that's it.

[Hannah Berner]

Talks about Eminem.

[Jesse Reyes]

A fucking legend.

[Hannah Berner]

Come on.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

Oh, my God.

[Jesse Reyes]

A legend. It was a. It was a beautiful opportunity to be able to have not just made a song, not just made two songs, but, like, shot videos and.

[Hannah Berner]

What?

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. Mad sick. Mad sick.

[Hannah Berner]

What would young Jesse say about that?

[Jesse Reyes]

I remember being in the theater watching 8 Mile.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah. I used to. I used to rap.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. Gifts.

[Hannah Berner]

Made some raps, but no, I used to wrap mockingbirds all day. I'm always tempted to do it, but I'm not gonna do it. But I've made some raps.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah, everything's gonna be all right.

[Hannah Berner]

How should it shit?

[Jesse Reyes]

Nice.

[Hannah Berner]

But his. But it wasn't his daughter who found you.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah, she's good.

[Jamie Laing]

But tell me this.

[Jesse Reyes]

You know, she's prego.

[Hannah Berner]

I heard this. Yeah, yeah, but tell me. So. So. So what happened?

[Jesse Reyes]

He had seen me on a late night show, thought it was dope. But then time passed. Like, it was just like. I don't know if it was internal, but like, oh, she's sick. Cool, cool. And then left it at that. And then months later, his daughter pretty much followed up on my behalf and was like, yo, Jesse's popping. She did another late night. Y'all should link. Y'all should create. She's dope. I'd like to imagine that that's how it was said. I don't know if that's how it was said.

[Hannah Berner]

That's exactly how it said. Let's go that's the. Jesse, there's also one thing, because I know we don't have too much time, but I just, I want to talk about it because I think it's important, you know, you being a, A woman in the industry as well, that's. That's tough for lots of reasons. But you also had a moment where a, A producer tried to take advantage of you and you spoke about it. Incredibly brave to do that and to be open about it. And when you spoke about it, you didn't mention any names because you didn't want to mention any names. And then what you realized is other people came out and spoke about that same person. What was that experience like for you when you could finally feel like you were brave enough to open up about.

[Jesse Reyes]

What happened the first time without names? It felt very natural because I feel like I'm always forthright with my experiences. The only thing I really had to. The only thing I really was hesitant with was the reaction my family was going to have because I didn't want them to think that it. The worst case scenario didn't happen. It could have gotten way fucked. But the worst case scenario didn't happen that night. And I wanted to let them know and also wanted to let them know that shit could be dark for a minute because he was obviously in a position of power, had way more influence than I did. So shit could go left. But I needed to put the song out and that they shouldn't worry about what it detailed because what it detailed is what it was. And it didn't get to. Didn't go to hell. Fuck. The after when names started coming out and other women started coming forward. That was a difficult time because a. When I made it, I was a lot younger and I was. Didn't have like it. There's a lot of fear involved. There's a lot of fear involved. So many people don't believe women. So many people. So many people don't believe women. Or so many people immediately go to like, well, what was she wearing that night? Well, why were you out? Well, why were you like just these fucking arguments that try to. Try to try to induce more doubt and judgment towards the victim as opposed to empathizing. So there was a lot of fear. But then when women came forward, it was. It was even more difficult because that fear turned to guilt because I wish that I had been forthright with the name prior to. Because then maybe certain situations could have been avoided after me. But what's fucked up is the women that, the women, some of the Women that came forward were prior to me and some of the women that came forward were after me. So it had been happening. Not that that justifies it and also not that I'm trying to dump on my guilt because I'm also hold space for my. I was like, I'm you. You can't force someone to be ready for something that they don't have the strength to provide. And if I didn't have the strength to provide and. And I also didn't want to make it about him either because I wanted this song to just speak for itself and. And not. It becomes less universal when you do that. But that was. That was. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's not mental gymnastics, but it's definitely a mental battlefield. It was a mental battlefield when that happened because then it was like reliving it all over again, but now with another element of guilt because it almost made me feel like I should have come forward about it sooner.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, but I think it's brave of you to come out and say that. And that behavior needs to be called out 100%.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. Yeah. Thank God. Ties have shifted. Not completely, but ties that shifted. Where people are calling it out, where it's also not just women. Where more men are allies, luckily and more men are more forthright with calling it out when they see up bitch ass behavior.

[Hannah Berner]

I want to say thank you. Firstly, thanks for having me. We like to end it with eight quick fire questions.

[Jesse Reyes]

Oh, let's do it. I'm excited.

[Jamie Laing]

Are you ready for this?

[Jesse Reyes]

Fuck yeah, I am.

[Hannah Berner]

This is gonna be great. I can't wait.

[Jesse Reyes]

Need for speed. Let's raise.

[Hannah Berner]

Here we go. What's the saying or phrase that makes you smile or cheers you up?

[Jesse Reyes]

Hold these nuts.

[Hannah Berner]

Best compliment anyone's ever given you. Dig deep.

[Jesse Reyes]

Did I?

[Hannah Berner]

Come on, you can say it.

[Jesse Reyes]

Wow. Crazy.

[Hannah Berner]

You can't think of one?

[Jesse Reyes]

I'm trying to think of the best. I'm trying to think of the one that like, shook me. I'm trying to think of one that stood in. And I'm also trying to like weigh out. Way out.

[Hannah Berner]

Give me a 3. Give me a few. Thinking a few.

[Jesse Reyes]

I'm thinking. Okay, one was that I'm really. That I'm really, like, astute when it comes to giving someone advice. Like, I'm really good for it. And it's so funny because I wish I could take my own so often, but when someone else's life is laid on in front of me, I could see I just have clarity I have a lot of. I'm gifted with clarity, and it's been nice to hear that multiple times from people where they're like, fuck. You give great fucking advice and direction for. For choices. Another one has been on my creativity. Just really, really good connection to wherever it comes from and. And how fast it can come and how. How good my retention is because I have a really good memory when it comes to, like. I don't like writing songs down anymore. I just go.

[Hannah Berner]

You just go?

[Jesse Reyes]

Just go.

[Hannah Berner]

Well, I saw it. Just Lil Wayne does that as well. Yeah, he just does it.

[Jesse Reyes]

Jigga does that.

[Hannah Berner]

That's unbelievable. Yeah, that's a good one.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

What scares you most about yourself?

[Jesse Reyes]

Jesus Christ.

[Hannah Berner]

I know, it's a big one, but what else. What scares you most about yourself?

[Jesse Reyes]

My depth.

[Hannah Berner]

Big.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. My depth. My depths of love. My depths of hate. My depths.

[Hannah Berner]

Great one. When was the last time you cried?

[Jesse Reyes]

Fucking right now. Talk about whiskey.

[Hannah Berner]

What's something you can't let go of?

[Jesse Reyes]

Grudges. Just kidding.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, it's okay.

[Jesse Reyes]

I got a shit list I'm gonna die with.

[Hannah Berner]

What's your. What's your guilty pleasure?

[Jesse Reyes]

Just kidding. No, wait a minute. I can't let go. Okay. What's something I can't let go of?

[Hannah Berner]

Can't let go of. Yeah.

[Jesse Reyes]

What's something I can't let go of? Alone time. Solitude. I can't let go of. Solitude. Yeah.

[Hannah Berner]

What's your guilty pleasure?

[Jesse Reyes]

Cartoons.

[Hannah Berner]

That's great.

[Jesse Reyes]

Yeah. I love South Park. Loves burgers so much.

[Hannah Berner]

What turns you off?

[Jesse Reyes]

Lack of eye contact. Media. No.

[Hannah Berner]

Yeah, that's a good one.

[Jesse Reyes]

Media. No.

[Hannah Berner]

What turns you on?

[Jesse Reyes]

Icon. Intelligence. Intelligence and heightened awareness when someone can pick up details.

[Hannah Berner]

What do you like most about yourself?

[Jesse Reyes]

My brain.

[Hannah Berner]

That's great. One more. If a young woman is listening to this right now and you're her inspiration and she's getting into the industry, what advice would you give her?

[Jesse Reyes]

Fail faster. Don't be scared of trying new things. Find out where your weaknesses are. Try to make friends that are just as apt as you and as hungry as you. And also figure out where you want to aim. Learn to objectively criticize yourself. Put yourself in situations where you're constantly getting criticized so that your skin can get thicker. Because if you're more successful, it's going to be more eyes. More eyes mean more criticisms. And if those criticisms get to you, you're going to break. So just put yourself in situations where you have rejection therapy, where you have. Where you can smile when someone critiques you, and it's your choice whether or not you want to take it constructively or whether or not you want to dash it and be like, no, thanks, asshole. And make sure that you're also cognizant of your. The state of your soul and the state of your peace. Because to achieve so much success but have lost that is fucking worthless. You're going to make sure that's intact so you can actually enjoy. Enjoy what you're working for.

[Hannah Berner]

Let's go, Jesse. This has been amazing. Final one. Favorite swear word. Give it to me. Let's go, Jesse. You've been the greatest. I really. You've been amazing. Thank you so much.

[Jesse Reyes]

Thank you. That was great. Thank you. The Money brainers.

[Jamie Laing]

Wow.

[Jemima]

That was so good.

[Jamie Laing]

It was great, Fari. Interesting. Amazing. And. And also the energy. Wow. Yeah, yeah, the energy's good. And also she's one of these people. For those of you who are just listening to this, her emotion is like dripping off her.

[Jemima]

It's such big emotions. But it makes me think, like, do some people just have bigger emotions than others? Like, why is that?

[Jamie Laing]

Like, she just feels.

[Jemima]

And I love when she's like, I couldn't. Like, music and art, like, saved her, you know, like, because otherwise she was like, I would have exploded.

[Jamie Laing]

She has. She has almost too much emotion. She needs to get rid of some emotions, I would say.

[Jemima]

Well, that's like through her art, it comes out.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah. There's certain people that you sit with and you can feel their energy. And I think I'm a real. So I can feel people. You could feel her energy. She's great in every way and she has a lot of love to give. And she's fiery as hell and so talented.

[Jemima]

Like, the way that she was speaking, it was just like poets, so many things where we're like, that's a lot. That could be a line.

[Jamie Laing]

Yeah, she's great. And she is a poet. She wrote a. She wrote a poetry book, which we didn't even mention. And also I'd like to say one of those episodes is the episode where I could have gone on for hours.

[Jemima]

Same.

[Jamie Laing]

But her time, you know, with these sort of superstars, their time, you know, we only have a sort of an hour, an hour and a half with them sometimes. So.

[Jemima]

So going into sessions.

[Jamie Laing]

She was going into a music session and she was recording with Calvin Harris, which is amazing. Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, I want to say a big thank you for tuning in once again to the episode. Thank you, Jemima, for being here.

[Jemima]

Thank you, James. Thank you for being here.

[Jamie Laing]

Actually, if you haven't subscribed to the show, please do remember we always release every Wednesday a new episode. So next Wednesday we're gonna have another one. Let us know if you want us to pick any guests. We'd love to hear from you what you think who we should be chatting to next. Also, we're on social media, YouTube, TikTok and of course you can send us an email. Great companyampodproductions.co.uk. everything is in the show description and we'll see you next week.

[Jemima]

See you next week. Goodbye for great company.

[Jamie Laing]

Great company.

[Hannah Berner]

Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend recommend.

[Jesse Reyes]

Forever 35 is a running conversation between two good friends, me, Dory Shafrier and.

[Jemima]

Me, Elise Hu in this wild time to be alive. We're a show about the many ways we take care of ourselves.

[Jesse Reyes]

Sometimes that might mean upgrading our skincare routines, or it might mean more rest or stretching. We talk about all of it with.

[Jemima]

Each other and with our thoughtful and funny weekly guests.

[Jesse Reyes]

Boundary making really is just a reflection of how you think about yourself.

[Hannah Berner]

Cream blush is the best thing you.

[Jemima]

Could do for your life.

[Hannah Berner]

How sway you need to build my this for me.

[Jemima]

All right, so we aren't actually 35.

[Jesse Reyes]

Anymore, but we are still the show called Forever 35. Find us wherever you listen.

[Jemima]

New episodes drop Mondays and Wednesdays.

[Hannah Berner]

Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.