Great Company with Jamie Laing

Episode: Louie Spence: I Make Everyone Else Happy But I Can’t Find Happiness Myself

Guest: Louis Spence
Host: Jamie Laing
Producer: Jemima
Date: August 26, 2025

Episode Overview

This emotionally candid episode peels back the layers on Louis Spence’s public persona, diving deep into his struggles with anxiety, depression, and the search for happiness amid a career defined by relentless performance and making others smile. In an unusually vulnerable and honest conversation, Louis discusses his rise to fame, family history with addiction, the impact of his mother’s death, and his ongoing battles with mental health.

"I make all these people so happy. But then I can't seem to find happiness for myself."
– Louis Spence [36:47]

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Louis’ Public Persona vs. Private Reality

• Louis is widely known as a vibrant, flamboyant entertainer, from “Pineapple Studios” to “Celebrity Big Brother.”
• Jamie and Jemima discuss at the top of the episode how most people know Louis for his energy and humor but sense that the real person is “very different.”
  • “He seems to be this larger-than-life, happy-go-lucky character. But what we learn… is his persona is very different to his real self." – Jamie [04:04]
  • “Louis leans towards the sort of darker side of life…” – Jamie [04:18]
• Louis himself immediately sets the tone:

  "I make all these people so happy. But then I can't seem to find happiness for myself." [36:47]

2. Rise to Fame and Working Life

• Initial successes as a professional dancer: Louis toured with the Spice Girls and starred in West End productions, most notably as Magical Mr. Mistoffelees in “Cats.”

  “It was the peak of their fame and we were like performing in front of, like, 90,000 people… They were a joy to work with.” – Louis [10:14]

• Transition to TV fame: Pineapple Studios was an unexpected hit.
  • The show was organic and unscripted, allowing the natural eccentricity of the dance studio to shine.
  • Fame led to sudden wealth and attention, which Louis describes as surreal but fleeting:

    “I bought a house, I had the flash cars, bought the Rolexes, loving myself sick, paid off my parents' mortgage…” [14:06]

• Cynicism about celebrity: Louis describes celebrity as finite, and he never expected it to last.

  "Nothing lasts.” – Louis [17:46]

3. Family, Addiction, and Grief

• Openly discusses the death of his mother, Pat, from alcoholism in 2012:
  • The family didn’t notice her drinking due to her extreme control and presentation.
  • She hid vodka in water bottles and topped up wine with spirits.
  • The revelation was sudden and devastating:

    “She said, ‘I don't care. If I'm going to die, I die happy.’ That’s what she said.” [23:10]

• Addiction history runs in the family: His grandmother, aunt, and uncle also died due to alcoholism.
• Profound impact of loss:
  • Initially, Louis was numb and matter-of-fact about his mother’s passing, only breaking down years later.

    “Three years later, I broke down… that’s when I first went on medication.” [28:47]

• Sympathetic understanding:

  “She couldn't find happiness in herself and that's why she died the way she did. And I completely understand that.” [27:36]

4. Lifetime of Anxiety and Depression

• Struggles from childhood:
  • Experiences of physical anxiety from as young as eight.

    “I would get like, where... my heart was beating so strong… I just didn’t know what it was.” [40:14]

  • Anxiety manifested as health anxieties, phobias, and panics over family safety.
• Genetics and family history:
  • Anxiety appears deeply rooted in his family, particularly on his mother’s side.
  • “All my family suffer with forms of anxiety.” [41:54]
• Chronic nature:
  • Louis describes a “black dog” of depression and a cyclical battle.

    “I've tried every therapy you can think of.” [33:34]

5. Responsibility, Self-Doubt and Children

• Fear as an obstacle:
  • Anxiety has prevented Louis from pursuing things like parenthood.

    “The thought of having kids is too much… I would worry that… I can’t provide for them…” [32:23]

  • He is candid about the paralyzing effects:

    “Anxiety and depression can make you the most selfish person in the world.” [31:49]

• Ongoing self-doubt:

  “There’s a voice in my head telling me, get out of this, get out of this, but I can’t get out…” [32:20]

6. Impact of Fame: Joy vs. Inner Emptiness

• External validation didn’t bring inner peace:
  • Despite making others happy (“100% of my comments are, ‘you make me so happy’” [36:47]), happiness eludes him.

  “I can’t remember the last time I laughed like that…” – Louis [38:44]

• Joy from performing, but not from daily life:
  • Finding happiness in moments on stage, but not in general life:

    “Moments I’ve had when I’ve done things… but it wasn’t in my general life.” [38:07]

• Post-fame ‘emptiness’ crept in:
  • “That real emptiness came after I became famous… I still felt… empty. So, searching. Why was I empty? What is it?” [62:53]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On making himself and others happy:

  "I make all these people so happy. But then I can't seem to find happiness for myself and it's not like I don't have an incredible husband. There’s nothing. I am loved. But that’s the word: you can’t find it." – Louis [36:47]

• On showing love:

  “My love has always been shown through... not material things, but making sure we were well, had nice clothes, were fed. That’s my way of showing love.” – Louis [67:52]

• On family addiction:

  “My mother, my grandmother, my uncle… all died of alcoholism. But I don’t blame her.” – Louis [27:10]

• On childhood:

  “I never felt different. I never felt as though anyone bullied me. I had an amazing childhood.” – Louis [45:21]

• On public perception:

  “People think, ‘mate, they’re having a great time…’ Underneath it all, they are maybe not what it says on the surface.” – Jamie [04:46]

• Quick-fire round:

  • What scares you most about yourself?
    “The voice in my head.” – Louis [70:30]
  • Guilty pleasure?
    “I don’t feel guilty about anything.” – Louis [71:19]
  • What do you like most about yourself?
    “I try and be generous.” – Louis [72:05]
  • Favourite dance move?
    “Slut drop.” – Louis [72:18]
  • What turns you on?
    “Cleanliness next to godliness, darling. And he loves us, doesn’t he? The gays.” – Louis [71:52]

Standout Segments & Timestamps

• [05:39]–[17:46]: Early career, rise to celebrity, realities of show business
• [17:46]–[32:33]: Mother’s illness/death, family history of addiction, processing grief
• [32:33]–[33:34]: On not having children, how anxiety holds him back
• [36:47]–[38:43]: The impossibility of happiness, performing happiness for others
• [38:43]–[41:54]: ChiIdhood experiences of anxiety
• [53:16]–[55:44]: Upbringing, family sacrifices, attending stage school
• [68:06]–[71:59]: Relationship with husband, love, self-reflection
• [69:41]–[72:21]: Rapid-fire “8 questions” with Louis’ humorous, candid responses

Tone & Takeaways

Despite his often comedic, effervescent external persona, Louis’ candidness in this episode highlights the universal truth that appearances can be deceiving. He is articulate, funny, and charming, but his struggles with mental health, grief, and the enduring search for personal contentment are front and centre. Jamie navigates the conversation with sensitivity, allowing both laughter and tears.

The episode stands out as a testament to the importance of speaking openly about mental health, the complicated nature of happiness, and the hidden battles beneath the surface—no matter how glittering that surface may be.

Additional Resources

If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, addiction, or mental health, Jamie invites listeners to check the episode’s show notes for support resources.

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