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Adam Grant
Hi, I'm Adam Grant, host of the podcast Work Life. For over 20 years, Paylocity has been simplifying work with innovative solutions that teams love like On Demand Payment, which offers employees access to wages prior to payday, flexible time tracking features which enable staff to clock in and out through their mobile device, and numerous other cutting edge solutions that simplify collaboration across hr, finance and it.
Jamie Laing
Learn more about how Paylocity can help.
Adam Grant
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Paige
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Jamie Laing
Hello everyone. My name is Jamie Laing and this is great company. Well hello Jemima.
Jemima
Well hello Jamie.
Jamie Laing
How are you?
Jemima
I'm well, that's how I say that every week.
Jamie Laing
You do say it every week. That's a good thing.
Jemima
And then you say, what can I tell you about me?
Jamie Laing
What can I tell you about me?
Jemima
And I say, I didn't ask.
Jamie Laing
I know. And then we get into what's going on.
Jemima
What's going on with you? We're a broken record.
Jamie Laing
No, listen, today's episode, you've probably you may have clicked on this episode, been intrigued. You may not know the person who is in the title. Young Pueblo.
Jemima
I'VE accidentally followed him for years.
Jamie Laing
Yeah, he's amazing.
Jemima
Because I love so Young. Pablo is really, really big on socials, on Instagram, and he posts, like, incredible quotes and things. I like the way he thinks. And I followed him for years. And then he got in touch with us. He's a really big fan of Newlyweds, actually, which now known as Nearly Parents.
Jamie Laing
Nearly Parents, you know?
Jemima
And you're like, oh, I didn't realize.
Jamie Laing
Like, I've been following him.
Jemima
I've been following him. I was like, oh, I'm accidentally a massive fan.
Jamie Laing
He's really great. He's amazing. He's a real thinker. He talks a lot about love and how we can navigate relationships and navigate ourselves in this space. He lives in New York. We recorded this in January.
Jemima
We recorded this January. And I remember we recorded this on a Friday at 4 o' clock.
Jamie Laing
Did we?
Jemima
He's such, like, a calming presence. And that time of the week, it was, like, so nice to cup. I mean, for me, I find Fridays quite intense days.
Jamie Laing
Do you find them intense?
Adam Grant
Because I.
Jemima
The day that I'm like, I've not done all those things. I like a Friday, Jamie on a Monday is the absolute worst.
Adam Grant
Yeah.
Jamie Laing
Monday for me is like, okay, I want to get things done, done, done. Cause we've had two days of not doing stuff. So Fridays, for me, I like. Cause it feels like the week has been full of everything.
Jemima
So, so nice to have this, like, unbelievably calm.
Jamie Laing
Oh, he's great. So I promise you, if you clicked on this, you're gonna really enjoy this episode. It's gonna teach you a lot about how yourself, your mind, your relationship, so many different things. If you haven't subscribed to the show already, please can you click the subscribe button? It does us absolute wonders. You can also let us know what you think of the show, what guest you think we should have. Next is why we want to hear from you. You can send us an email. Great companyproductions.co.uk or you can send us an Instagram @greatcompany podcast. Slide into our DMs. Okay. You ready for this?
Jemima
I am.
Jamie Laing
Please enjoy this episode of Great Company with Young Pueblo.
Young Pueblo
Hello, I'm Young Pueblo, and I'm in Great Company.
Jamie Laing
What do I call you?
Young Pueblo
So Diego's fine? The name that my parents gave me, but I write under the name Young Pueblo. But Diego is totally fine.
Jamie Laing
So I can call you Diego?
Young Pueblo
Yeah.
Jamie Laing
Is that what your friends call you?
Yeah.
Young Pueblo
Great.
Jamie Laing
We're friends. What do you think is the biggest block for people who are trying to lead a karma life?
Young Pueblo
I think if you want to, yeah. I mean, if you want to lead a calmer life, then you really have to train yourself to not make important decisions when your mind is super agitated. So when the mind is hot, when the mind is just like, you know, something happens, it's very challenging and you're already reacting super hard. Then give yourself a little bit of time, cool off. Because a calm mind makes the best decisions by far. So make your mind a little calmer.
Jamie Laing
Relax, and then you act.
Young Pueblo
Because then normally when you're reacting, you're just being impulsive.
Jamie Laing
You're just repeating the past over and over again. And when you pause and you act, that's when you allow the intentional you to move forward.
That's like a perfect answer. Congratulations, you passed. You know, I want everyone to go and get your. Your new book, 100% how to Love better. But, you know, so I don't want to give too much away, but one of the chapters, how to thrive.
Young Pueblo
You.
Jamie Laing
Know, how do we thrive? Because at the moment I feel like there is. Life is really tough. And at the moment, we're constantly comparing ourselves to one another all the time because of social media. Politics is tough, there's wars going on. It just feels like there's a lot pressure financially, emotionally, all these things going on. So how do we thrive?
Young Pueblo
I mean, even from dealing from the point where you started, like, there is so much going on that anytime you.
Jamie Laing
Consume anything, it also burns energy. Right?
Young Pueblo
So you have to be aware of that. Like if you're, you know, constantly answering.
Jamie Laing
Text messages, constantly answering emails, you never.
Young Pueblo
Put your phone down, you're constantly, like, consuming, consuming, consuming, then you're just going to be exhausted, you're just going to.
Jamie Laing
Be tired all the time. So creating moments where you just, like, go back to what it means to being human.
Young Pueblo
Like having dinner with somebody and not watching tv, going on walks, being in nature, like these little things, combining it with having gratitude.
Jamie Laing
Even in the tough moments, even when things are falling apart and finding things.
Young Pueblo
To be grateful for. And then you take that and combine it with a practice. Like we live in this really special.
Jamie Laing
Moment in human history. It's never happened before where there are.
Young Pueblo
Literally millions of people, you know, benefiting from therapy.
Jamie Laing
There are millions of people meditating, millions.
Young Pueblo
Of people doing yoga. Like you talked about your boy who wants you to do breath work. There's so much out there, so many different styles of a bunch of things that can help you so what's our role? It's like, well, whether you've experienced serious trauma or not, you've definitely had some.
Jamie Laing
Hard moments, and those hard moments have impacted your mind.
Young Pueblo
So find some type of tool that will help you not only cultivate the new qualities that can support you in making better decisions, but, you know, that can help you just show up as a.
Jamie Laing
As a new version of yourself. I think it's so important to just.
Young Pueblo
Like, what I'm hoping for is, like, let's say 10 years down the line, the same way that people care so much about food and fitness, that they're also going to care a lot about their minds. And, like, I'm like, okay. So, you know, I want it to.
Jamie Laing
Be common culture for me.
Young Pueblo
For me to, like, you know, be able to ask people, hey, like, what do you do to take care of your mind? And you're like, oh, I meditate. I do breath work.
Jamie Laing
I do X, Y and Z.
Young Pueblo
And I'm like, oh, that's so cool. You know, that would be an amazing.
Jamie Laing
World to live in.
Do you still struggle?
Young Pueblo
Yeah, but not like before, you know, like, I. I'm trying to. I mean, that's kind of what I base my whole life on is like, whenever I struggle, it's because I'm clinging. It's because I'm attached. Like, I'm hanging on to something. Right.
Jamie Laing
And what.
Give me more of that. What do you mean? So, like, what?
Young Pueblo
Like, it could be anything. It could be like a family, you know? You know when, like, a family member is, like, struggling.
Jamie Laing
Yeah.
Young Pueblo
And you barely have any control over that situation. You're kind of just watching someone, you know, either be sick or making bad.
Jamie Laing
Decisions, and it affects the rest of the family.
Young Pueblo
And. And just seeing that, and it's like.
Jamie Laing
Yes, I'm attached to wanting everything to.
Young Pueblo
Be okay, but it's just not right now. I'm just so. I need to be okay with any grief that I may be feeling inside of me or be okay with, you know, the sadness that's coming up. But I also have to understand that.
Jamie Laing
This is all super temporary.
Young Pueblo
It's super temporary.
Jamie Laing
So, dude, that's it, man.
Young Pueblo
Yeah. Even in the keyword, you can even synthesize it down to just accept.
Jamie Laing
Like, just accept. Like, why are you even.
Young Pueblo
Like, think about it in this moment, you're having anxiety, and then what are you going to do? Throw more fuel on it? Like, by fighting it? Like that? That's not even productive.
Jamie Laing
So feel the anxiety.
Young Pueblo
Let yourself feel it and just, you know, you know, it's going to change, like, everything else.
Jamie Laing
Like, no.
Young Pueblo
There's literally never been an anxiety that's lasted the entire length of the universe. Like, it's not possible.
Jamie Laing
It's hard to remember that sometimes when you're in the thick of it.
Young Pueblo
Totally, totally. But everything's hard until you train yourself.
Jamie Laing
Like, you're not just going to run a marathon.
Young Pueblo
You got to train, you know, so the same way you can train your mind.
Jamie Laing
What were you like as a kid?
Young Pueblo
I was, you know, I mean, it was different phases, I think when I was growing up, when I was like a little, little child, I was quite quiet. I would play by myself all the time. When I was in high school, I was just, like, you know, so desperate to be cool. Like, so, like, you know, was always going to parties, going out and hanging out with people. And I think that earlier version of me was, like, imprinted by society where, like, I didn't really know who I was. I didn't really know what I wanted to do or how I wanted to even show up in interpersonal situations. So when I look back on it, like, I think one of my main.
Jamie Laing
Things that I've been working on is.
Young Pueblo
Just developing gentleness, because I think in the earlier part of my life, because life was hard. I was hard, and I was, you know, just, like, a little rough with my words with people, and. But now it's like, let me just. Let me be cool. Let me just be gentle.
Jamie Laing
Explain that a little bit more. What do you mean you were a bit rough with your words?
Young Pueblo
And I think I could have been a jerk, you know, just could have been a jerk. Like, when I was. Especially when I was younger, I think.
Jamie Laing
Like, I grew up in extreme poverty.
Young Pueblo
You know, like, the situation was really dire for my family. And I, Like, I was born in Guayaquil in Ecuador in South America. And then my mother and father, they decided that for my brother and I, to really prosper, we, the four of us, needed to move to the United States. And what was funny was first we were going to move to New York City, but we spent two weeks there, and my mom was like, we got to get the hell out of here. And we ended up moving to Boston. And we grew up there, but in Boston. Like, the first thing that happened was, you know, we were immediately stuck in this classic American poverty trap where, like, it was just my parents are constantly trying to figure out how to pay the rent, constantly trying to figure out.
Jamie Laing
How to put food in the fridge. And over time, that just makes you.
Young Pueblo
Develop a Very hard outer shell. And I think that, you know, manifested in just, like, making jokes that are too mean or, I don't know, just.
Jamie Laing
Being a little rough with, like, with my words.
Does that mean you had the awareness as a kid? Did you realize that you were living in poverty? Did you realize?
No. Oblivious.
Yeah, right.
Oblivious.
Young Pueblo
I thought that was just totally normal and natural. And I, you know, I didn't have.
Jamie Laing
Any way to process my emotions back.
Young Pueblo
Then because it was just like a. For years, you know, we're talking like.
Jamie Laing
15 years of us.
Young Pueblo
I get to the United States when I'm four years old. And then it wasn't only until maybe when I was like 15, 16, my brother was 20, 21, where, you know, both of us had jobs and we.
Jamie Laing
Started helping my parents with the rent.
Young Pueblo
Helping, you know, so we were, like, leveling things out, and things got a.
Jamie Laing
Tiny bit economically easier.
Young Pueblo
So it was just totally normal. But when I got to college and I saw, you know, I went to. I ended up going to a good school in Connecticut. And that's when I came across, you know, like, extreme levels of wealth. And I saw the disparity, and I'm just like, wow, like, we were living in such hard times constantly. And then I started noticing. I'm like, I have all this anxiety, all this fear coming up, and I have not processed it at all.
Jamie Laing
And I didn't want to.
Young Pueblo
I just wanted to run away from it.
Jamie Laing
There's so many similar comparisons that I have with that. And what's really interesting is that I. I came from probably the opposite side, where my parents had a lot of money. And that also came with its huge issues because I was sent to boarding school. And I say this a lot, but send. A boy is called eight years old, right? Eight years old. I was sent off, which is just mad.
Young Pueblo
Yeah.
Jamie Laing
So. And I didn't understand that concept. So that, like, rejection that I received was, like, heavy. And then I never process anything, and I didn't want to process anything, so I ignored it. And I seek validation and this and all those different things that I started to chase because to sit in my own comfort was just too difficult. It's crazy how humans, we ignore that. We actually just try and run away from, you know, actually feeling and listening to ourselves.
Young Pueblo
I think it's very common. I mean, it's hard to.
Jamie Laing
It's.
Young Pueblo
It's really hard to be able to feel without a process that can hold you through that.
Jamie Laing
Because when the anger comes up, when.
Young Pueblo
The sadness comes up, it's rough.
Jamie Laing
You don't know what to do with it. So for me, when I was in.
Young Pueblo
College, like, my first thing that I could do was, like, roll up a joint, like, smoke more weed, you know, go to more parties, start doing cocaine. Like, you know, party as much as possible, because that was the easiest way for me to just numb the emotions, get away from it all. And it ended up into this, you know, the situation where I just, like.
Jamie Laing
Pushed my body to the edge, you.
Young Pueblo
Know, just did way too much for too long.
Jamie Laing
And then about a year after I.
Young Pueblo
Graduated, I hit that rock bottom moment where I, like, literally almost lost my life, filled my body up with way too many drugs, my heart was going to explode. And it wasn't until that moment where I realized I'm like, I'm here on.
Jamie Laing
The floor crying, begging for my life.
Young Pueblo
Because I didn't want to admit to myself that I don't feel good, that I need to deal with these emotions that are happening inside of me. So that. That was the beginning of, you know, switching things around.
Jamie Laing
Take me to that moment. What do you mean? You.
Paige
You.
Jamie Laing
You were just. You were partying and consuming more than most.
Young Pueblo
Yeah, come on. It was. Yeah, it was like, you know, like, weekend warrior type thing. Like, you know, and more than that, I mean, we would party from, like, from, like, we, like, would invent reasons to party. You know, where it was. Like, we created this thing called beer.
Jamie Laing
Pong Monday for no reason.
Young Pueblo
Like, why are we doing.
Jamie Laing
Why are we playing beer pong for.
Young Pueblo
That long on Monday? Or just finding all these ways to include more parties throughout the week and.
Jamie Laing
You know, going out till 7, 8 in the morning and then. And not just like, out hanging out, but, like, consuming.
Young Pueblo
Consuming the whole time when you were.
Jamie Laing
Lying on the floor. What was that moment that you suddenly realized that you had to change your life?
Young Pueblo
Well, I. There was a bunch of things happening. I mean, I talked to a doctor about it later and. And she told me it sounded like a mild heart attack. And, I mean, I just taken too much, man. It was like, you know, too many things at once. And. But what I was thinking about, I kept thinking about my parents. And I was surprised. I kept thinking about how. How much of a sacrifice they made, how, like, they took this giant risk.
Jamie Laing
You know, to come to the United.
Young Pueblo
States and intentionally knew that they were.
Jamie Laing
Going to suffer while they were here.
Young Pueblo
Just, like, in there, like, working.
Jamie Laing
Like, my mom, she worked cleaning houses.
Young Pueblo
My. My dad worked at a supermarket. And, you know, these are. These aren't the type of jobs where, like, it's easy to just like, grow from there and, you know, get up the economic ladder. They were like, literally stuck in these jobs. And I thought to myself, like, one, I don't want to, like, waste that opportunity. And I also don't want to, like, just blip out of life without man. I don't know. I wanted to help. I wanted to help in some way, but the first thing I had to do was help myself.
Jamie Laing
So what did you do?
Young Pueblo
I did two things. When I got home, I bought a tub of barley grass, which is like this old school superfood back.
Jamie Laing
Because this was like the summer of.
Young Pueblo
2011, and wellness wasn't as popular back then. So I looked online.
Jamie Laing
Sorry, sorry.
Young Pueblo
I laugh about it too.
Jamie Laing
I want to be sensitive, right? But you've nearly had a heart attack and you think, I need some barley.
Young Pueblo
Grass, I need some barley grass, I need some fish oil, and I need to start going on walks.
Jamie Laing
It's just wild.
Young Pueblo
It's the mind of a. Literally the mind of a 23 year old. Like, I don't need to see a doctor.
Jamie Laing
I'm good, I'm good. I'm riddled with anxiety. I feel terrible. This gives a barley grass going to walk. That'll be right.
Young Pueblo
Oh, my gosh. It's so true. It's like so ridiculous looking back on it now, it's so absurd. And, you know, the wild thing was that because. So I made a decision in that moment. I was like, I'm gonna stop all the, like, the. The hard drugs, the random pills, like, you know, things that I'm just like, throwing into my body and the combination of that and. And just like, I was so unhealthy too at that time. Like, you know, I had gained so much weight, like, my body was so weak. So the act of, like, going out walking ended up signing up to a gym like, two weeks later.
Jamie Laing
Wow, that's a game changer. That's the moment, right?
Young Pueblo
It was a game changer.
Jamie Laing
And I started seeing the results. And it got to the point where.
Young Pueblo
I was like, okay, I'm literally starting to turn my life around. And then the.
Jamie Laing
The biggest, like, the emotional thing that.
Young Pueblo
I did was that I knew the.
Jamie Laing
Problem was stemming from me being scared of my emotions.
Young Pueblo
So I'm like, okay, if I'm constantly.
Jamie Laing
Running away from my emotions, let me do the opposite. If anxiety comes up, instead of rolling.
Young Pueblo
Up another joint, let me just sit.
Jamie Laing
On the bed and just feel it.
Young Pueblo
And this is like before I learned how to meditate, anything like that. And I would sit on the bed.
Jamie Laing
Like, 10, 15 minutes, and just, like, feel the anxiety.
Young Pueblo
And I'm like, okay, this sucks, but I'm okay. It's fine. Like, the thing that I thought was so scary, it's actually. It's actually fine.
Jamie Laing
What was your relationship like with your parents at that time?
Young Pueblo
Surface level.
Jamie Laing
Totally surface level.
Young Pueblo
And almost like. Like, we were in a play, you know, it was like, they.
Jamie Laing
They have their lines, I have my.
Young Pueblo
Lines, and it was just very kind of, like, routine.
Jamie Laing
And I remember thinking about that and.
Young Pueblo
Just being like, actually, I love my.
Jamie Laing
My dad is the man.
Young Pueblo
Like, he's like. He's a hero, and my mom is amazing. So, like, why am I not telling.
Jamie Laing
Them that I love them?
Young Pueblo
Why am I not paying attention when they're talking? And it was funny because in that year, I. You know, I felt the sadness of seeing that a lot of my relationships with my friends, with my girlfriend, my now wife, that they were just totally surface level.
Jamie Laing
And it was because I wasn't in contact with myself.
Young Pueblo
So as I started paying more attention to myself, I gained this almost, like, greater capacity to be able to connect with other people. And then I started telling my dad.
Jamie Laing
I was like, hey, man.
Young Pueblo
I was like, I love you. You know, And I.
Jamie Laing
And he's.
Young Pueblo
He's a, you know, strong guy. I grab him, just give him the biggest hug, and he was like, what are you doing? You know, like. And it was. It took him time to be able to, like, just accept the embrace and realize, like, I'm not gonna. You know, like, I'm gonna let you know how I feel about you, because.
Jamie Laing
I know how much he's busted his.
Young Pueblo
Ass to keep us all alive.
Jamie Laing
And. And now he's.
Young Pueblo
It's funny because he has a long ways to go with his own inner work, but now he's very vocal about how much he loves me, too. And it wasn't like that in the past.
Jamie Laing
It's strange when that happens, especially between father and son. For some reason, there's this, like, weird sort of. I had it with my dad for a long time, and, you know, I. I actually have, like, quite a lot of guilt about it. My. I have a little brother who's probably about 19 years old, and he phoned me up the other day, and he said, I just want to ask you a question. I said, okay, cool. And he said, just read an article that was like, in 2017 or whatever, and it spoke about dad in a bad way. And I went, yeah, I know. And he went, well, why don't you try and Change it. Why don't you get that article removed? And I said, I can't. It's an article. What do you want me to do? And he said, well, when they were. When they were lying, why didn't you try and change it? And in my head, it was because I thought that at the time I had this sort of narrative about my dad that just wasn't true.
Young Pueblo
Yeah.
Jamie Laing
Like, and I had become. I realized what I had done is I had this surface level relationship with my dad, and. And I have huge amounts of guilt for that for some reason. And I was on holiday. I remember it was past lockdown, and I was in Portugal and suddenly had this, like, wave of, like, guilt and just sadness towards my dad. So I sent him a message and I just said, send him a text message saying, I just want you to know that you are the greatest dad in the world, and I love you for everything. And a reply came back, and he said, I feel the same way. I can be proud of. To be your dad. And it was. Man, it was like. And it was like this dam had just opened and the water. It was like that was the only thing that needed to be said. And our relationship from then has just been totally different. Just because I said that.
Young Pueblo
Yeah. Yeah.
Jamie Laing
It's crazy.
Young Pueblo
It's so powerful, you know, that. That really just, like, resonates so much.
Jamie Laing
Because it was the same thing.
Young Pueblo
Like, that one moment of me deciding to break the play, to break, like.
Jamie Laing
The old way of the two of.
Young Pueblo
Us doing things, and. And, you know, my dad's coming home from work, and I'm like, I'm gonna give him a hug. And that hug just led to this, like, slow development of a deeper relationship.
Jamie Laing
Between the two of us.
Young Pueblo
But it takes that, you know, one individual to decide, okay, I'm not gonna do it the old way. Let me try something new and see how the other person responds. That's pretty powerful.
Jamie Laing
That's so funny that in this sort of moment that you had that everything changed for you. It was like, everything in that moment. How old are you at the time? Must have been 23. 22.
Young Pueblo
Yeah. I was young, 23. And I'm 37 now. Getting old and just feel like, yeah, I just feel really fortunate that I.
Jamie Laing
Had the resilience to, like, literally pick.
Young Pueblo
Myself up off the floor.
Jamie Laing
Someone's listening right now, right? Who is feeling the same way, right? They're either feeling anxious or maybe they're feeling depressed. Their OCD is through the roof, right? And this. And we're living in this current climate, where that is just ripe, it's like a lava going through cities and towns and villages across the world. Trying to sit there and accept it is the hardest thing in the world to do.
Young Pueblo
Totally.
Jamie Laing
How do you accept it?
Young Pueblo
And it's interesting too, because to be able to access your peace, you have.
Jamie Laing
To do something that's incredibly hard. And the world is constantly conditioning you.
Young Pueblo
Towards easy, easy, easy, easy. Like, we're living in this, like, you know, Uber eats, like, quick society. Like, everything is fast, everything is 15 minutes away. And, you know, AI is at the same time making everything easier. Like, so when you want to deal with the problems that are happening inside of your. Inside of your mind and heart, it challenges you to do the hard thing.
Jamie Laing
Which is to feel.
Young Pueblo
And it's tough. But that's, you know, what a lot of these practices, whether you're talking to.
Jamie Laing
A therapist or whether you're starting to.
Young Pueblo
Meditate, like, a lot of that is.
Jamie Laing
Pointing your attention inward and building resilience.
Young Pueblo
To whatever it is that you're witnessing. There's.
Jamie Laing
Okay, so if I'm listening right now and I'm going, right, I'm going to listen to my anxiety, I'm going to feel my pain, I'm going to feel it right now. What is going to happen in that process?
Young Pueblo
You know, it depends on the individual.
Jamie Laing
I mean, some of us have experienced serious trauma.
Young Pueblo
You know, like, when I think about what's my trauma, my trauma was the trauma of poverty.
Jamie Laing
But then other people have faced horrible things. So it really depends on the individual. And I think some people, they're going.
Young Pueblo
To witness the arising and passing away of the emotion. Like, anxiety is here, and then it.
Jamie Laing
Just, like, evaporates over time.
Young Pueblo
And other people might.
Jamie Laing
May experience that with greater intensity.
Young Pueblo
Like, the anxiety comes up and it's like, whoa, it almost feels too intense. But then you challenge yourself without overwhelming yourself, right? Like, you let yourself feel. Like, for me, like, my big challenge was let me feel the emotions for like, 10, 15 minutes before I turn on the TV, before I, like, go and do something else. So those little bits, you know, they.
Jamie Laing
Make you stronger over time.
We're kind of living. And I want to hear your thoughts on this. I feel like we're living in this sort of world of comfort.
Young Pueblo
Yeah, yeah.
Jamie Laing
We're so comfortable.
Young Pueblo
Super cozy, super cozy.
Jamie Laing
We don't. We like, we want to stay who we are. And anything that's more difficult if you're a heroin addict, right? The reason why you don't get out of the addiction for A lot of reasons, but one of them is because it's much easier staying in the addiction than getting out of the addiction. Right. And I feel like that's what life is. We're addicted to these comforts, and we're addicted to ourselves, and we don't want to change that. But changing yourself is the way that you grow.
Young Pueblo
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And I think it's really hard. I feel like it takes a lot.
Jamie Laing
Of resilience and courage and also, like, an acceptance of risk.
Young Pueblo
Because when you decide to change your life, you're basically closing a chapter. It's like, this chapter is done, and it's. Even though that chapter may have been.
Jamie Laing
Hard, it was familiar.
Young Pueblo
So, like, a lot of people like to just, you know, stay in the same sort of saga of their life, because when you open up a new one, you start making some big decisions that are going to affect your life in a positive way. You're.
Jamie Laing
You're opening up a whole new field.
Young Pueblo
Of existence for yourself.
Jamie Laing
Yeah, but I feel like you've done that throughout your life a little bit, because, you know, you spoke to me about the fact that you thought you were a little bit of a jerk. You changed it.
Young Pueblo
Yeah.
Jamie Laing
You know, you were taking drugs. You were deep in that. You changed it. You've always been that person. It feels like that your change, change, change when you feel like things aren't right.
Young Pueblo
Yeah. And I feel like it's something that I've learned, too.
Jamie Laing
Like, if you want to have peace.
Young Pueblo
Within yourself, and if you want to have pe. Your relationship, you ha.
Jamie Laing
You can't become too attached to your own identity.
Young Pueblo
It's not like, oh, like, Jamie always loves this one drink.
Jamie Laing
Jamie always loves this one dish.
Young Pueblo
Like, no, dude, like, I'm sure What you liked 10 years ago is way different than what you like now, you know? And that's okay. That's actually good. So my thing is, like, why not.
Jamie Laing
Be the designer and curator of my life?
Young Pueblo
And as my preferences change, good. I'll just let them go. It's because I remember growing up with so many people who were like, I never change. I'll always be like this. And. And now when I think back about that, I'm like, that sucks. That's a tough way to live.
Jamie Laing
So what big things do you think you've changed about yourself?
Young Pueblo
I think the. The biggest. Biggest thing I've changed about myself. I mean, I try my best to.
Jamie Laing
Put my growth first.
Young Pueblo
Like, that is just so key to me. Like, I know that from. And it's funny because I'm. I talk about it sometimes in financial terms because I like, um. I majored in economics, but to me, like, meditating is the best investment I've ever made. Like, far better than the s and P500. You know, anything that you can do like that in terms of the stock market. But, like, meditating is just by far the best investment. So I meditate my two hours a day. Before I came here to hang out with you, I meditated for an hour, then hit the gym, relax for a while, and now we're hanging out. When I.
Jamie Laing
Afterwards, at some point in this evening.
Young Pueblo
I'll meditate for another hour.
Jamie Laing
In both of those moments when I give myself the opportunity to meditate and.
Young Pueblo
Not have any input, just observe the reality of this, of change that's happening within the body. That helps me just let go, detach. It helps me become more aware, and it just helps with really clear, compassionate, effective decision making.
Jamie Laing
What do you think it means when someone says, I love you? And what does love mean to you?
Young Pueblo
Would you say, I mean, so it's a multifaceted answer. So, like, I think between two people, love is me saying how important you are to me.
Jamie Laing
It's like you are so important to.
Young Pueblo
Me, like, whether it's your partner or your parents or your friends, like, it's like you are an essential part of.
Jamie Laing
My life and I'm so grateful for.
Young Pueblo
You and I want to show up for you. When you think about love on the.
Jamie Laing
Highest levels, like, as in, like, unconditional.
Young Pueblo
Love, and you think about, you know, figures like Jesus and the Buddha, you know, people who, like, took humanity to the ultimate level, like, full development.
Jamie Laing
They were the type of beings that looked upon.
Young Pueblo
Looked upon the world and saw no one as an enemy. Right? They could. They look at the whole world and.
Jamie Laing
All they have is compassion.
Young Pueblo
And to me, that's the highest level of love, is when you literally are.
Jamie Laing
Wishing upon all beings, like, may they be happy, may they be peaceful, may they be free.
Young Pueblo
And when you're in a relationship, you get to practice that. Because unconditional love is very difficult.
Jamie Laing
It's very challenging to always love someone.
Young Pueblo
Selflessly and want to support them. But you get to practice elements of that while you're in a relationship with someone.
Jamie Laing
You've written four books. Your new book is coming out, how to Love Better. You've sold over 1.5 million.
Young Pueblo
Yeah. Getting Closer to.
Jamie Laing
So I would say that your output is better than mine.
Young Pueblo
I don't know. You're crushing it, dude.
Jamie Laing
And you're meditating you know what I mean? I'm doing something wrong here. I want to talk about your work because how would you describe your work? Would you say you're an author, a thinker?
Young Pueblo
Yeah, yeah, I'm an author. And what I do is I put out material for self reflection, you know, So I like to write about personal transformation. I like to write about relationships. And the things that I put out are things that I'm reflecting on in my own life. And my hope is that it helps people build some degree of self awareness, whether they agree with what I'm saying or not, you know. But I'm hoping that when you read a little piece or you read an essay, it makes you think about your own life and it helps you sort of clarify, you know, like, how am.
Jamie Laing
I going to move forward?
Young Pueblo
And to me it's like, that's the.
Jamie Laing
Service that I'm trying to bring to the world.
Young Pueblo
Because honestly, like, all this personal transformation work, like, it's dope. Like, I really enjoy it. I like being able to be a better husband, to be, you know, to treat myself better, to treat my parents better, and to like, put out work that helps people that feels like a life well lived.
Jamie Laing
So to me, it just feels important.
Young Pueblo
To just, you know, keep doubling down on the thing that it gave fruit to all that.
Jamie Laing
What was your first social media post? Do you remember it?
Young Pueblo
Oh, that's a good question. I don't. I don't even know if I remember exactly what it was. I.
Jamie Laing
But I just remember I started the.
Young Pueblo
Account in 2012 as Young Pueblo, but it was just a personal account. And that Young Pueblo, just like, it was a name that just came to me, it just means young people. And when I started posting really as like an, as a writer, that was in 2014. And that's when I started, you know, I started sharing little essays. Eventually that morphed into sharing, you know, little poems and images. And I think around like, 2016 is when, like, things really started taking off.
Jamie Laing
How to Love Better is your new book. Yeah, talk to me about it.
Young Pueblo
Why?
Jamie Laing
Why the title? Why the book?
Young Pueblo
You know, it was, it was shocking to me because when I started, like, I went into meditating, I started building better habits. And a lot of that was because.
Jamie Laing
I felt a lot of inner chaos inside of myself.
Young Pueblo
And when I started doing this work, it was shocking me that I was like, this is helping my relationship get better. I'm like. And I didn't go into meditating to.
Jamie Laing
Be a better partner.
Young Pueblo
I went into meditating to like, save myself you know, to, like, help myself. And. And then I started seeing, like. And especially as. As my wife started meditating. She started meditating about a year after. And I had realized, like, the first.
Jamie Laing
Six years of our relationship because we.
Young Pueblo
Got together really young. We got together when she was 18 and I was 19.
Jamie Laing
First six years were like living in a hurricane.
Yeah.
Like, it was just madness.
Young Pueblo
Like, we were.
Jamie Laing
We.
Young Pueblo
We like, zero emotional maturity.
Jamie Laing
Like, no self awareness with either of us.
Young Pueblo
It was just a constant blame game. It was like, how can I make this tension that I feel inside of me your fault?
Jamie Laing
Right. Even if it has nothing to do with you. And we're constantly playing that game.
Young Pueblo
And it was the type of situation where, like, we. We loved each other, but we did.
Jamie Laing
Not know how to care for each other.
Young Pueblo
And that just made the. The environment really difficult for us. So we would, like, be together, we'd break up, get back together. And then we were like, all right, fine, let's just be miserable together. Because we just didn't. Didn't know how to take care of. Take care of our relationship. And, and when we started meditating.
Jamie Laing
Little bits of self awareness started growing and.
Young Pueblo
It was like, wait, actually, I'm not mad at you. I just woke up and I just didn't feel good.
Jamie Laing
And I was trying to find a.
Young Pueblo
Reason for that to be your fault.
Jamie Laing
Even though it really has nothing to do with you. And as the self awareness started growing.
Young Pueblo
It was like, you know, there are definitely going to be times where you need to apologize, where you make a mistake and, you know, you have to correct it. But a lot of the times it's just tension trying to make a reason.
Jamie Laing
To make itself bigger. And of course, the person that is in proximity to you, who's closest to.
Young Pueblo
You, they're a clear target. So we started realizing that, and a lot of the arguments over time decreased.
Jamie Laing
It's funny that in relationships, right, where when you're having a tough time internally, you blame it on the easiest thing in front of you.
Young Pueblo
Oh, yeah.
Jamie Laing
So it's either. Oh, I.
Young Pueblo
Definitely not me.
Jamie Laing
Over here. Like, it's either. Okay, People go, I need to change jobs. If I change a job, it's gonna. Oh, maybe I change. I live in a different country. Okay. It's the relationship. It's definitely the relationship. And that's what happens. And you blame it on. Typically when you're. You blame it on your partner.
Young Pueblo
Yeah, that's one of my most. What you were saying there.
Jamie Laing
That was probably one of my most popular posts.
Young Pueblo
It goes something along the lines like, you know, you can change locations, you.
Jamie Laing
Can change jobs, you can change partners.
Young Pueblo
You can change friends, but nothing is going to affect you as positively as.
Jamie Laing
You changing yourself and figuring out what is the thing that's causing you tension in your mind.
One of your chapter titles is the Art of Arguing.
Young Pueblo
Yeah, that's a fun one.
Jamie Laing
I think. I think I've mastered it.
Young Pueblo
Yeah, that's, you know, it's tricky, right? So, like, a lot of people, we.
Jamie Laing
Have just watched too many romantic comedies.
Young Pueblo
And we think, like, a relationship has one major challenge and then you live happily ever after, but it's just not going to be like that. A lot of the healthiest relationships will have arguments for years. And, you know, you can just have.
Jamie Laing
Arguments over and over and over again.
Young Pueblo
That doesn't mean you're in a bad relationship. It's very normal. Because that's what happens when you're in proximity to someone, whether you're like, you know, with your family or with, you know, living with a roommate or living with a friend or, you know, living with your partner. Like egos, they rub up against each.
Jamie Laing
Other and they cause friction. Right?
Young Pueblo
Like, egos are rough. So you have to handle the argument and understand that the argument is an opportunity. It's revealing that there's some distance between the two. There's some miscommunication, some wall that if you approach it with the aim to understand your partner, then it's going to be a lot more productive than trying.
Jamie Laing
To win the argument.
Young Pueblo
And I think that's what people do all the time, is like, both people.
Jamie Laing
Are trying to win, they both lose.
Why did you want to write a book about love?
Young Pueblo
I just feel like it's so pervasive. It's so pervasive, and I think it's really important to keep highlighting the importance of personal growth and how much that affects the harmony of a relationship, because those are the two worlds that I.
Jamie Laing
Straddle, and those are just the two things that I'm experiencing.
Young Pueblo
I'm like, as I keep meditating, my relationship gets better. And I want to take those truths that I've been learning, you know, this truth of impermanence that we were talking.
Jamie Laing
About earlier and how attachment makes everything difficult.
Young Pueblo
I want to highlight that and explore that in the book so that people see, you know, that you need to have a degree of flexibility. And instead of focusing yourself on attachments and expectations, let's be vocal about what.
Jamie Laing
Our needs are and make clear commitments to each other.
Young Pueblo
Because through commitments, that's when you can really support each other's happiness.
Jamie Laing
Do you think as humans we're meant to be with one partner?
Young Pueblo
I think it's really case by case. I think it's really case by case. I mean, I've seen so many, you know, I think some of the wise, wisest people that I've seen, like I.
Jamie Laing
Have these two meditation teachers who are just like weapons.
Young Pueblo
They're just like, just so like highly cultivated individuals, you know, One's been meditating.
Jamie Laing
Since he was 24 and he's like 76 now.
Young Pueblo
My God. And you know, he's probably meditated like 50,000 plus hours. Wow. And like I did a rough calculation of how much I've meditated and it's like about like 12,000 hours. And that means you're an expert though.
Jamie Laing
No, not even.
Young Pueblo
I need like 40,000 more.
Jamie Laing
Are you serious?
Young Pueblo
Totally, totally. I have so much more to cultivate. But you know, him and his wife.
Jamie Laing
Have like just such a loving relationship. I mean, they've been married for so.
Young Pueblo
Long, like, you know, probably like 40 years.
Jamie Laing
Same thing with this other teacher as well. Like him and his wife been married for like 30 years.
Young Pueblo
And I think there's this, you know, people need different things. Everyone's going to have different situations. But I do think it's really important to understand that like sometimes we're in good relationships and we're looking for better relationships. Right. Or we're looking for something perfect.
Jamie Laing
Yeah.
Young Pueblo
And it's like, are you really gonna throw away something good for something that's.
Jamie Laing
Incrementally better, Like a tiny bit better?
Young Pueblo
And then if you're trying to, like, if you think that your happiness is gonna come from another person, you already lost. Your happiness has to come from within you. The other person can only add to your happiness. And then, you know. Yeah, that's the other element of it too is like people fighting old age and decay.
Jamie Laing
It's like there's something really valuable and.
Young Pueblo
Fun too of just like, let's just get old together, you know? And that's, that's my. Like when I think about my relationship with my wife, like it would be sick for the both of us to be like 85 year old. Like old little people, you know, I'm.
Jamie Laing
Like still jamming and meditating and hanging out.
Young Pueblo
Like that would be so much fun.
Jamie Laing
In relationships, there's always a time when.
You.
Should break up. And a lot of people don't do that. They just kind of.
Young Pueblo
No, they drag it out. They drag it out nice and long too. Like. Yeah, I have Some friends who, like, they knew they were supposed to break up with somebody like, two years and two years before, and then it just takes them so long to get it done. It's such a process.
Jamie Laing
Why didn't we do it?
Fear. It's just fear. Fear. You know, and it's also.
Young Pueblo
Because there are some bad things about the relationship that, you know, are undeniable, but there are also some good things. So it's, like, just tough to make.
Jamie Laing
That full break for people.
Young Pueblo
Um, and I think just like, there's also.
Jamie Laing
I mean, there's so many elements to.
Young Pueblo
It, but also, like, the economic element.
Jamie Laing
Where it's like, you lived in the same apartment in New York City, and.
Young Pueblo
Now you have to, like, you know, both make your own way. And, like, it's hard out there. So it's.
Jamie Laing
It's tough.
Young Pueblo
It's tough to really break and open up that new chapter. But ultimately, like, if you know in your heart that you don't want to be with this person, like, you have to give them back their time, right? Let them.
Jamie Laing
Let them be free.
Young Pueblo
Let them be out there and live and sort of go through their healing process and go and just, like, you.
Jamie Laing
Know, build that next chapter for themselves.
Young Pueblo
So I think it's a disservice to.
Jamie Laing
Both people when you know that it's.
Young Pueblo
Not a good fit. You got to cut it.
Jamie Laing
I heard a thing that apparently when you break up with someone, it's like. It's like grieving them. And so your body releases a pheromone, which basically makes you feel like you miss them. And that's when. When people break up, they get back together. Break up, get back together, because you feel like this person is lost. They're dead, they're gone. I.
Have you ever heard this? I've heard this once years ago, and I haven't been able to source it.
Young Pueblo
But I heard somewhere that whatever the length of the relationship is, sometimes it takes about half of that time to fully, fully break up. And it's. I've been watching that in people who do break up. You know, friends who are close. Close of mine. And, like, if they were together for three years, like, it does kind of take, like, a year and a half to, like, fully let it go.
Jamie Laing
Do you want to know where the reference is from?
Where?
Sex and the City.
Young Pueblo
Oh, I love that. The fact you even know that, too, is amazing.
Jamie Laing
Did M put it in just that she just.
Young Pueblo
You're kidding me. In capital.
Jamie Laing
She couldn't believe it. I love it that we try to be so profound. I know this time I think I'm.
Young Pueblo
Like where is this coming from? And you know it's so funny cuz we my wife and I went through a period where she was like forcing me to watch Sex in the City with her and it was like all we did in like 2013.
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Jamie Laing
Are you religious?
Young Pueblo
No. No. You know, it's interesting. I, I take the Buddhist teaching very seriously. When I look upon like I really like history and when I look at history, I think the Buddha over all.
Jamie Laing
Other human beings understood the mind the best.
Young Pueblo
Like understood the mind, but even like.
Jamie Laing
Even better than modern therapists.
Young Pueblo
Like they the Buddha just understood the mind profoundly. Well and not only understood the mind and how it works, but how to end suffering. But even though I take his teaching.
Jamie Laing
Very seriously and I practice his teaching.
Young Pueblo
Like that's where Vipassana originates from, from the Buddhist teaching. I don't really think of myself as a Buddhist.
Jamie Laing
Why?
Young Pueblo
I just, it just seems unnecessary. And I think even like even when I look at his teaching, you know, like he, I don't even think he was trying to start a religion. He was just like. He's like, are you suffering? Okay, this is what you do to stop suffering. And he didn't. You know, that's what we human beings do. Like, we take someone's teaching and we build a whole complex around. It just seems unnecessary to me.
Jamie Laing
Okay, so to go deep then. So what do you think happens when we die?
Young Pueblo
Do you really want to know?
Jamie Laing
I really want to know.
Okay.
Young Pueblo
When you die, the last moment, like, the last breath of your life is really important.
Jamie Laing
Like, how you're feeling in that moment. If you're full of fear, if you're.
Young Pueblo
Full of peace, you'll end up connecting to another life that is on that same vibration. So, like, if you're really full of.
Jamie Laing
Fear and so tense or very angry.
Young Pueblo
Then you kind of just end up.
Jamie Laing
Getting pushed into an angry existence.
Young Pueblo
Or if you're calm, peaceful, you know, just observing the reality, then you just get pushed over into another life that's calm and peaceful. And it's interesting, right? So, like, I've. I've never seen my past lives or anything like that. I also don't really care about them. And it's not like, something I'm, like, trying to worry about. Like, I know that in this life I've. I've been suffering and I need to, like, you know, put a lot of work in. But something about my relationship with my wife, it's just eerie, man.
Jamie Laing
It's eerie.
Young Pueblo
It's like. Like when I. As soon as I came in contact with her, it was like a magnet. Like, I couldn't even fight it. I tried to fight it. I tried to fight it multiple times, and I just couldn't. Couldn't fight it. And then.
Jamie Laing
And I never understood why.
Young Pueblo
Like, why we needed to be together because we were so different. Like, our backgrounds were so different. And when. When we started meditating, it became clear over time. I was like, oh. I was like, we've been doing this.
Jamie Laing
Like, we've been doing this for lifetimes. Like, this is like our thing.
Young Pueblo
And that's why when we came across each other, we're like, oh, we.
Jamie Laing
We don't have an option but to be together.
Young Pueblo
We have to tolerate this period. And then when we started meditating, yeah, like, the harmony in our relationship started growing so much. But to me, like, that, to me, is kind of like the proof. It's like it feels like an ethereal.
Jamie Laing
Otherworldly connection that I can't even fight.
Young Pueblo
If I wanted to. And I'm down. I'm down for the journey. Like, I love being with her hope to be with her in the next lifetime, too, and.
Jamie Laing
Yeah, just keep it going.
Dude, that is incredible.
Yeah.
Young Pueblo
Yeah. I love that. Nobody really asked that, but I was like, let me just tell him the truth. Let me tell them what I actually think.
Jamie Laing
Explain the silent retreat for me because my friend's just done it.
Young Pueblo
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Jamie Laing
He said it's the most wild experience.
Young Pueblo
It's really wild. And it's very. And wild, as in, like, incredibly tamed and silent. Like, it's. It's like. There's no. You don't.
Jamie Laing
You don't really get much input.
Young Pueblo
You're just like. You're there and they guide you through a meditation. But what's really interesting about it is that, like, you're, you know, disconnected from the outside world. You don't have your phone, you don't have your laptop.
Jamie Laing
People aren't calling you. You're there with another group, with the.
Young Pueblo
Same group of people that's also receiving the meditation instructions. You're meditating, like, 10, 11 hours a day. And. And then this, especially that. That. That style of vipassana that I practice, the point of it isn't just to automatically make you, like, you know, blissful or joyful. It's to, like, help get all that.
Jamie Laing
Heavy stuff that's inside you out. And then because of that, you become happier and freer.
Young Pueblo
So through that process, like, I mean, honestly, it was just the hardest thing I've ever did. Like, it was so hard that I.
Jamie Laing
Spent probably the first seven, eight days.
Young Pueblo
Just thinking about leaving and, like, literally looking at the guy who gave me a ride and trying to figure out.
Jamie Laing
If he was going to leave or not.
Young Pueblo
So that I'm like, because I need to get my ride back. I need to go, you know, get out of this place.
Jamie Laing
But where in the world are you?
Young Pueblo
So I was in Washington State. That's in the west coast of the United States in the middle of nowhere. And this was before Uber. And I'm so, like, now, these days.
Jamie Laing
I use Uber all the time, right?
Young Pueblo
Constantly. I'm so grateful Uber didn't exist, because if Uber existed, I would have been out of there.
Jamie Laing
I would have just grabbed a cab.
Young Pueblo
And been like, all right, this is not for me.
Jamie Laing
And that would. That would have led to me living an entirely different life. Like, no writing, no nothing.
No way.
Young Pueblo
Yeah, get out of here.
Jamie Laing
Totally.
Young Pueblo
Totally. If Uber existed, I would have been out of there because it was just. It was so hard to be there. But then when I saw that there.
Jamie Laing
Was no way out, like, my Ride wasn't going anywhere.
Young Pueblo
And then the last. So that was day eight, and then.
Jamie Laing
Day nine and day ten.
Young Pueblo
I was like, all right, I'm here.
Jamie Laing
Let me just.
Young Pueblo
You know, I'm just going to do the meditating. I mean, I was doing it before that, too. And what I. What I noticed, the shock was when I got out of there and I got back and I saw my. I saw my friend Lennon, and I just, like, I felt so open and.
Jamie Laing
So, like, my mind felt so much lighter than ever before.
Young Pueblo
And I had never felt like.
Jamie Laing
Like my mind wasn't just.
Young Pueblo
It wasn't chaotic. And I was like, what is going on? I'm like, why do I feel so good?
Jamie Laing
And.
Young Pueblo
Because I didn't really understand the, like, the technique or the process. And I spent most of that first course fighting the process.
Jamie Laing
I ended up signing up to another.
Young Pueblo
One in September of 2012. I did my second one because I was like, I feel. I can't deny that I feel a lot better. So I got to throw myself back.
Jamie Laing
In there because I got.
Young Pueblo
I got a lot more work to do.
Jamie Laing
What comes up when you're in that experience when you suddenly. Every distraction is gone? You don't have. We don't have our phones, we don't have this, we don't have that, we don't have tv, nothing. You're just stuck in your own thoughts. What happens?
Young Pueblo
Ye. So you're. You're.
Jamie Laing
You're.
Young Pueblo
Your sensory experience goes through the roof, right? Like, you're.
Jamie Laing
Because we're constantly numbed down by input.
Young Pueblo
Literally by, you know, our phones, the tv, like, the things that we're consuming over time. As you're meditating, like, I remember, you know, after the meditation sessions, I'd walk on the path to go back to the room, and I'm looking down on the ground, and I'm like, can. I'm like, can I. I can, like, see more rocks than before.
Jamie Laing
I'm like, what the hell?
Young Pueblo
Like, I'm like. And I'm.
Jamie Laing
I look up at the trees, and.
Young Pueblo
I'm like, my mind is literally processing more leaves than I did in the.
Jamie Laing
Past, if that even makes sense.
Young Pueblo
It was like I could see more.
Jamie Laing
Of the actual tree. And it was like my senses were.
Young Pueblo
Not only heightened, but I was calm with it. I was just, like, cool. Like, I can just see more stuff. And the. The really cool thing, man, is like. And, you know, a lot of people experience this when they meditate, this particular technique, but you spend the first three days just being aware of the breath.
Jamie Laing
And you do that to calm and concentrate the mind.
Young Pueblo
But what that ends up doing is that you can feel, you know, then.
Jamie Laing
The last seven days of the course.
Young Pueblo
You turn your attention away from the.
Jamie Laing
Breath to feel the body.
Young Pueblo
And then you can feel the body.
Jamie Laing
At a whole nother level. Like, you will not even believe.
Young Pueblo
Like, there are times when I'm meditating where my body feels like a rushing river of atoms.
Jamie Laing
Get out of here. Get out of here.
Young Pueblo
So, like. Like, no lie. It's. And it's not even. It's not even, like, special to me. Like, a lot of people who meditate, they just. When you elevate your.
Jamie Laing
The. The amount of concentration and calmness of.
Young Pueblo
The mind, you point that attention to the body. Like, my hand doesn't really feel like my hand. I can feel the, like, energy and.
Jamie Laing
The vibrations moving through the fingers.
Young Pueblo
And, you know, it just feels like.
Jamie Laing
I see the solidness of it, but.
Young Pueblo
It doesn't feel solid. And it's, you know, that's not the point of it. It's more so the point is that that shows you and introduces you to that truth of impermanence that's pervasive throughout the universe. So, like, your problem as a human being, all of us as human beings, we struggle with attachment. And embracing impermanence is the opposite of attachment.
Jamie Laing
Break that down for me, though. What do you. What do you mean by that?
Young Pueblo
So attachment, as in you craving for things to exist in a very particular way. Like, you want your relationship to be exactly like this.
Jamie Laing
You want your parents to always live forever. You want to always eat your favorite.
Young Pueblo
Foods every single day. You want everything that's pleasurable to happen.
Jamie Laing
Over and over and over again flawlessly.
Young Pueblo
That's not going to happen. That's not how life works. Like, we live in a universe where.
Jamie Laing
Everything is constantly in motion, constantly changing. That means that at the atomic level.
Young Pueblo
The biological level, the cosmological level, we live in this almost river of change.
Jamie Laing
And when you fight that river of.
Young Pueblo
Change, life is going to hurt. And that's what attachment is.
Jamie Laing
Have you ever had any interactions with, you know, people who follow you, who you've had a huge impact on their lives, and they've said that to you?
Man, I've heard some wild stories.
Young Pueblo
Yeah, I.
Jamie Laing
There's this one woman I went to.
Young Pueblo
I went to a conference, this is about a year, a year ago, maybe a year and a half, in San Francisco, speaking at this conference. And she comes up to me and she told me that the.
Jamie Laing
The second book, Clarity and Connection, she.
Young Pueblo
Was like, this book saved my life. I was like, what?
Jamie Laing
She was like, yeah.
Young Pueblo
Like, I was, she was like, I was down bad, like, and she was.
Jamie Laing
Telling me her story and everything.
Young Pueblo
And I just, like, I was just kind of like in shock. I was like, like, what?
Jamie Laing
And now. And then my, my question to her.
Young Pueblo
I was like, are you okay now? She's like, yeah, I'm okay now. And I was like, I wish you the absolute best moving forward. And just, I think that's in, you know, it's interesting because I use that.
Jamie Laing
That moment inspires me to tell other.
Young Pueblo
People, like, if you feel like you have to write, you better write. Because it's not just a good act for you to put forward your authenticity and good for you, but you don't.
Jamie Laing
You don't know whose life you might.
Young Pueblo
Save because they might pick up your book and the connection will be made that helps them just put themselves back together.
Jamie Laing
When was that first moment you started writing.
Young Pueblo
After? So I never, I never thought I was going to be a writer. I. When I so, like, you know, because I grew up poor and was just constantly absorbing conditioning from society. My thought when I went to college.
Jamie Laing
Was, oh, I need to become an investment banker.
Young Pueblo
Like, it's time to stack money, you know. And I like, went into it, you know, majored in econ. I'm glad I majored in econ.
Jamie Laing
But I had never, ever, ever planned.
Young Pueblo
On being a writer. I've always, like, I've enjoyed reading, but I never thought of myself as like, oh, let me have fun writing this essay or anything like that. And after this, the third 10 day course, I was having trouble falling asleep that night, you know, the night when it was like wrapping up and we're going to leave the next day. And I was like, I just felt my intuition being like, you got to.
Jamie Laing
Write, you got to write, start writing, start writing. And.
Young Pueblo
And I knew I'm like, okay, I'm not perfectly healed, I don't know everything.
Jamie Laing
I'm not fully wise.
Young Pueblo
I have a long way to go. Like, I'm literally just getting started. But there's nothing wrong with reflecting, reflecting openly. And I was like, let me just, you know, see if other people are.
Jamie Laing
Connecting with the message.
Young Pueblo
And this was funny because, like, it was, you know, 2014 when I really started sharing.
Jamie Laing
And that was the beginning of like.
Young Pueblo
You know, Instagram's like, really starting to take off. Like, and then that has a massive effect on the wellness world. And just like the wellness world just.
Jamie Laing
Starts blowing up from there.
Young Pueblo
So it was a mixture of Right place, right time. For me, too.
Jamie Laing
You must have helped so many people. And I love that, what you say that about. If you have that urge to write or just to get whatever out, it's going to help somebody else. That connection is what we need.
Young Pueblo
Oh, yeah.
Jamie Laing
Oh, yeah.
Young Pueblo
It's. And it's definitely like. I feel like sometimes that feeling isn't coming from, like, a. It's not coming from a selfish place. It's also coming from, like, you know.
Jamie Laing
Someone else needs it. Someone else needs that.
Young Pueblo
Point of. I mean, think of. I think about the books that have helped me connect dots and have helped me, like. Like, what books? Reading Siddhartha's Herman Hess. Like, man, that book taught me so much about life, and it taught me how to write. When I started writing, I went back and started reading all of Herman Hess's works, but I started reading it for an eye for structure.
Jamie Laing
And I was like, how's this guy using his commas?
Young Pueblo
How's this guy using his semicolons? Like, how is he forming stories and putting sentences together?
Jamie Laing
And I learned a lot because I.
Young Pueblo
You know, didn't have money for, like, writing school or anything like that, so I'm like, I just gotta have to figure it out. But Siddhartha by Herman Haas. Have you heard of Jiddu Krishnamurti?
Jamie Laing
Yes.
Young Pueblo
Yeah, he's.
Jamie Laing
Dude, he's a weapon, too.
Young Pueblo
He's just like. So he'll just give it to you straight. And, like, I think that that's why his. He has a certain degree of popularity, but not incredibly popular because he's just like, let me tell you exactly what's going on in the world and in your mind. But he wrote this journal that was. It's called Krishnamurti to himself, and it's the last thing he wrote. Like, I think he died, like, six months after that. And it is incredible. Incredible because it synthesizes his whole teaching down to. It's just like, in these, you know, few hundred pages of essays, and it's super powerful.
Jamie Laing
Man. I can sit with you all day, but I. But I.
Young Pueblo
You have to do a part two.
Jamie Laing
Oh, please.
Young Pueblo
Yeah, we can keep. We can keep going.
Jamie Laing
Yeah, man. I know you're over here, and you said today's the first day. Your jet lag's not too bad. Which is. Which is a good thing. I just want to say, before I get into the last eight questions, I really appreciate it. I know how busy you are, and I know how sort of likewise.
Young Pueblo
Are you kidding me? I'm a huge fan. I'm so glad that we're hanging out. I love that.
Jamie Laing
Okay, I've got eight questions for you.
Young Pueblo
Ready? Yeah, let's do it.
Jamie Laing
What's a saying or phrase that always makes you smile or cheers you up?
Young Pueblo
I think it's, you know, it's just not going to last. It's just not going to last. I think that just helps me so much. And I'm like, I relax. I feel attention leaving the body.
Jamie Laing
Same as me. Best compliment anyone's ever given you.
Young Pueblo
Probably from my buddy Anwar. My buddy Anwar is like super fit. And like, he's just like literally the coolest person in New York City. And he like, cuts Lewis Hamilton's hair. And like, you know, he's just.
Jamie Laing
He's just the man.
Young Pueblo
Like, he's. He's a model, he cuts hair, he's in the fashion world. He's also extremely fit. Extremely fit. And he just, you know, has always supported me with my fitness. So when, like, when he tells me that I look good, he's like, you look good. But he's like, how do you feel?
Jamie Laing
Do you feel good?
Young Pueblo
I'm like, I feel great. And then it's just like that compliment.
Jamie Laing
From him just means the world.
Love that. What scares you most about yourself?
Young Pueblo
I think sometimes I worry that I'm too busy.
Jamie Laing
I worry that, like, it scares me.
Young Pueblo
That I'm grateful to have opportunities and to be busy, but I worry that, like, you know, I'm not spending enough.
Jamie Laing
Time with my parents.
Yeah, that's the big thing I have at the moment.
Young Pueblo
Yeah.
Jamie Laing
And maybe it's our similar age. I don't know why you start.
Young Pueblo
So we feel the temporariness. Everything feels very temporary. So it's like I look at my folks and I'm like, damn, you know.
Jamie Laing
Ben, that's exactly what I'm feeling at the moment. It's like, yeah, it feels temporary. It feels. It doesn't feel forever anymore, for whatever reason. Yeah, Yeah, I feel the same way. When was the last time you cried and why?
Young Pueblo
Dude, I found this weird pattern in my mind, okay. And this is like, pretty corny. I probably watching Rogue One, like, you know, Rogue One, right? So. So there's something. And I find this over and over. And I don't know what it is about my mind, but whenever there's like a movie and there's some act of self sacrifice and people are doing it for the greater good, and it's like they just, you know, they know they're walking into annihilation, but they're doing it because there's a bigger mission that just gets me.
Jamie Laing
What's something you can't let go of?
Young Pueblo
Oh, definitely my girl. I feel like, well, I'm working on it. I'm working on it, but, man, that attachment is big.
Jamie Laing
What's your guilty pleasure?
Young Pueblo
I said this once before, and I caught some slack for it, and it.
Jamie Laing
Was in the uk.
Young Pueblo
The guy was not happy when I said this. Can't wait.
Jamie Laing
It was Love Island.
Young Pueblo
It's just like, yeah, dude, I've seen every season of Love island, and I just. It's so silly. But good production. I'm just. I'm here for it.
Jamie Laing
I'm not even kidding. I just started watching Love Island All Stars.
Young Pueblo
I'm gonna start tonight.
Jamie Laing
I was talking about. I was like. I was like, the production is like. I'm just. I keep saying this like, streamers, right? Linear TV had to make really good content.
Young Pueblo
Yeah.
Jamie Laing
Like, they make really good content because there's no subscribers, nothing. It just has to make good content. Streamers just are looking for subscribers. So they just make anything. The production of Love Island All Stars is on. It's unbelievable.
Young Pueblo
Do you know the homie who's in the booth who. Who's always making all the jokes? Sterling, do you know him? Yeah, he's the man. So that's my.
Jamie Laing
My, my.
I knew him quite well.
Young Pueblo
My only qualm with Love island is, like, this guy.
Jamie Laing
Bring him out of the booth.
Young Pueblo
Like, he needs to be there interviewing people. He needs to be there for the reunion. Like, he's so funny. Like, he just needs to be more a part of the show.
Jamie Laing
Man, he will love that. Yeah, he's a great dude. He's amazing. What turns you off?
Oh, dude. Meanness.
Young Pueblo
Like, when I see people being mean, I just, like, I can't.
Jamie Laing
I can't be around that.
Young Pueblo
I like. That's. That's one of the things. Like, I met this amazing guy the other day, Sahil Bloom. And he was. I can see him so naturally and genuinely just being kind to every person he interacted with. And I was like, he's the man. He doesn't need to be nice to anybody. But he is. And I feel like that's. That's a quality that I always look for in a friend.
Jamie Laing
100.
Yeah.
What do you like most about yourself?
Young Pueblo
I think I like. The quality that I like, and I've seen repeatedly, is that sometimes I do move a little slow before I make a big move. But then once I know the move is right, I'm just like a juggernaut. I just, like, I just keep going.
Jamie Laing
What's your favorite quote?
Young Pueblo
I totally have this. It's.
Jamie Laing
I've got some of them here for you as well.
Young Pueblo
My favorite quote in general. Right?
Jamie Laing
Not like mine.
Young Pueblo
Yeah, it's judo. Krishnamurti's.
Jamie Laing
A change in one is a change in millions.
Young Pueblo
Yeah.
Jamie Laing
Yeah.
That's deep and good.
Young Pueblo
I love that one, man.
Jamie Laing
I just want to say a big thank you. I want. I want everyone. Honestly, I want everyone. We're going to leave the links to your books and everything and your social media following. Not that you need it. You have. I mean, it's through the roof. It's crazy. I just really appreciate and thank you so much. This has been amazing in every single way.
Young Pueblo
Thank you so much, Jamie. I'm. It's a massive honor. Thank you.
Jamie Laing
Thank you so much for having great company. It's been amazing. What a guy. What a guy. You liked it?
Jemima
Every time we talk, we just said everything at the same time.
Jamie Laing
Then, oh, it's just brilliant.
Jemima
From me.
Jamie Laing
Real thing. I loved his bad practice.
Jemima
You're just doing the job and I'm just like muttering.
Jamie Laing
Muttering in the background.
Jemima
Sorry. Great, Great.
Jamie Laing
He does a 30 day meditation course.
Jemima
That's wild. Do you think you could not talk for 30 days?
Jamie Laing
I think I would have to get into it. The first week would be death. I think it'd be really hard, but then maybe my mind would settle. I don't know. Yeah, but the first week would be horrendous.
Jemima
And what do you think your voice would sound? You know, like, when I wake up in the morning, the first noise I make is often, you know, you would.
Jamie Laing
Change when it came. Lose my voice. Be quite good for some people. Guys, I hope you enjoyed the episode and I'm glad you stuck around for it. If you haven't already subscribed to our show, please do. We would love it if you could do that. Also, if you could send us a message, what you think of the show, what you like, you dislike, what guests we should have next. We want to hear that.
Jemima
I love reading them.
Jamie Laing
Yeah, we really love reading them. So you can send them into our DMs @GreatCompany podcast on Instagram, or you can send us an email. Greatcompanyampo Productions. Co. We want to hear from you. We want to hear everything. And of course, we're going to see you next week on Wednesday for another episode of Great Company.
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Great Company with Jamie Laing: Episode Summary
Episode Title: LOVE EXPERT YUNG PUEBLO: WHY WE STAY IN RELATIONSHIPS WE KNOW ARE OVER
Release Date: June 10, 2025
Host: Jamie Laing
Guest: Young Pueblo (Diego)
Jamie Laing, alongside his co-host Jemima, welcomes listeners to another episode of Great Company. They introduce their guest, Young Pueblo, whom Jamie has been an accidental fan of for years. Jamie highlights Young Pueblo's significant presence on social media and his influence on topics related to love and relationships.
Notable Quote:
Jamie Laing [02:28]: "He's amazing. He's a real thinker. He talks a lot about love and how we can navigate relationships and navigate ourselves in this space."
Young Pueblo delves into his early life, sharing his experiences growing up in Boston after migrating from Guayaquil, Ecuador. He discusses the impact of poverty on his upbringing and how it shaped his initial coping mechanisms, including substance abuse during his college years. This period culminated in a near-fatal overdose, marking a pivotal moment in his life.
Notable Quote:
Young Pueblo [14:46]: "I bought a tub of barley grass... I need to start going on walks."
Following his overdose, Young Pueblo describes his decision to overhaul his lifestyle. He began meditating, adopting a more disciplined approach to his mental health, which led him to enroll in a rigorous 10-day Vipassana meditation course. This experience profoundly changed his perspective, helping him process emotions more healthily and strengthening his relationships, especially with his father.
Notable Quote:
Young Pueblo [18:17]: "I'm gonna stop all the hard drugs... and just do the meditating."
The conversation highlights the importance of meditation in cultivating self-awareness and emotional resilience. Young Pueblo emphasizes that practices like meditation and yoga are accessible tools that aid individuals in making better decisions and fostering healthier relationships.
Notable Quote:
Young Pueblo [07:02]: "Having dinner with somebody and not watching TV, going on walks, being in nature... combining it with having gratitude."
Young Pueblo shares how his personal transformation has positively affected his relationships. He recounts the evolution of his relationship with his father, moving from a surface-level interaction to a deeper, more affectionate bond. Similarly, he discusses his long-term romantic relationship, which improved significantly through mutual meditation practices and increased self-awareness.
Notable Quote:
Young Pueblo [19:56]: "I love you for everything. And he's... taken time to realize."
The discussion shifts to Young Pueblo's philosophical views on love and impermanence. He articulates that true love involves recognizing the impermanent nature of relationships and the importance of personal growth. He asserts that while relationships require effort and understanding, personal happiness must stem from within, not solely from another person.
Notable Quote:
Young Pueblo [52:56]: "We live in a universe where... everything is constantly in motion, constantly changing."
Young Pueblo talks about his work as an author, focusing on personal transformation and relationships. His books aim to foster self-awareness and help readers navigate their emotional landscapes. He shares anecdotes of how his writings have positively impacted others, reinforcing the significance of sharing personal insights for the greater good.
Notable Quote:
Young Pueblo [30:03]: "Meditating is the best investment I've ever made. Far better than the S&P 500."
In the concluding segments, Jamie and Young Pueblo engage in a rapid-fire question session, revealing personal tidbits and favorite quotes. Young Pueblo emphasizes the continuous nature of personal growth and the importance of evolving oneself to maintain harmonious relationships.
Notable Quote:
Young Pueblo [63:10]: "A change in one is a change in millions."
Notable Quotes:
This episode offers deep insights into the complexities of human relationships and the transformative power of self-awareness and mindfulness. Young Pueblo's candid discussions provide listeners with practical advice and philosophical perspectives to navigate their personal and relational challenges.