Shirley Ballas on Growing Up Without a Dad | GREAT MOMENTS

Summary

Great Company with Jamie Laing

Episode: Shirley Ballas on Growing Up Without a Dad | GREAT MOMENTS

Release Date: February 23, 2026
Guest: Shirley Ballas (Strictly Come Dancing judge, champion ballroom dancer)

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Episode Overview

This episode features a powerful conversation with Shirley Ballas, celebrated for her role on "Strictly Come Dancing" and her distinguished dance career. Jamie Laing spotlights Shirley’s upbringing on a housing estate in Wallasey, England, focusing on her resilience in growing up without a father, the strength and sacrifices of her mother, and the impact of her early family life on her work ethic, relationships, and personal philosophy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Childhood in Wallasey: Life Without a Father

• Setting: Shirley describes growing up in a working-class area near Liverpool, raised by a single mother after her father left when she was two.
• Financial hardship: Her mother worked multiple jobs to support Shirley and her brother, ensuring they never went without food or clean clothes.
• Social stigma:
  • “We were the two kids that were getting the free school dinners. The other children would stand at the gate and say, you don't have a dad. You're on welfare.” (Shirley Ballas, 03:50)
  • Shirley coped by focusing on the positive ("oh, I'm getting a free hot lunch"), while her brother struggled more with the stigma.

2. Influence of a Strong Mother

• Shirley’s mother, whom she calls "my queen," was the central figure of her life.
• She instilled in Shirley unwavering work ethic and the importance of responsibility and paying it forward:
  • “If you worked four hours, I'd be the one working eight… Nothing in life is for free.” (Shirley Ballas, 06:00)

3. Emotional Impact of Fatherlessness

• Delayed struggle: Shirley notes she didn’t realize the absence of a father until later in life, often comparing herself to friends who had supportive fathers.
  • “I used to look at my best friend… the dad would be making a fuss of her… I used to think, what's it like to have somebody that you're their queen?” (Shirley Ballas, 05:14)
• Relationships:
  • Describes her long history of turbulent relationships, attributing some challenges to not having witnessed a functional family structure.
  • “My relationships have been a disaster all the way along the line.” (Shirley Ballas, 06:41)
• Sense of independence: Shirley had to navigate life largely on her own, learning self-reliance from an early age.
  • “From age 10 all over the country on buses and trains while all the other kids’ mums and dads took them…” (Shirley Ballas, 07:45)

4. Reflections on Her Father’s Death

• Shirley discusses her conflicted emotions after her father passed away, underscoring the difference between biological ties and emotional connection.
  • “He never gave me anything while I was [alive]. Why would I fight for something when he's passed?” (Shirley Ballas, 08:41)
• Emotional distance persisted throughout adulthood:
  • “We never talked about ever how I felt, you know, and he never asked me either.” (Shirley Ballas, 08:57)
• Compared to the depth of her bond with her mother:
  • “I couldn't imagine losing my mother. That… will be very traumatic for me…” (Shirley Ballas, 09:15)

5. The Challenge of Trust and Vulnerability

• Shirley reveals she is not naturally trusting, with a small circle around her—a result of early experiences of neglect and having to fend for herself.
• Public life and vulnerability: She describes difficulties in opening up, especially under public scrutiny as a celebrity judge.
• Turning point:
  • Her son advised her after her first series on "Strictly" to "drop your walls and the barrier that you have around you" (10:32), recognizing the need to be more open for the sake of connection with others and her personal well-being.
• Experiences with the press made her even more guarded, especially following family tragedies.

6. Lessons Learned: Breaking the Cycle

• Shirley has strived to never repeat her father's broken promises or absence.
  • “If I make a promise to the best of my ability, I will carry it through. If I see somebody needs help, I will be the person that's there...” (Shirley Ballas, 14:05)
• She channels her energy into charity work, including mental health and cancer support, as a way to give back and create meaning.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On her mother’s strength:
  • “My mother is my queen. She did the best with the means she had.” (03:21)
• Perspective on work ethic:
  • “I would say had above average talent. But my work ethic was off the chart.” (06:00)
• On broken family promises:
  • “We’d get ready… standing by the window, never turned up over and over and over again... Never received a gift, never got a Christmas card or birthday card...” (12:54)
• On being in the public eye:
  • “There's always criticism. Whatever you do, whatever you say… And I think over the years, I've learned to drop a little bit more. But I've never talked really about my father in any interview, really.” (10:02, 12:14)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:21] Childhood in Wallasey, single-mother upbringing
• [04:29] Social stigma and coping mechanisms
• [05:14] Admiring “traditional” families from afar
• [06:00] Lessons in work ethic and self-discipline
• [06:41] Impact of fatherlessness on adult relationships
• [07:45] Early independence and trust issues
• [08:41] Emotional reckoning with absent father’s death
• [10:32] Barriers to vulnerability—advice from her son
• [12:54] Lasting childhood memories of rejection
• [14:05] Lessons she applies as a parent and friend

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Episode Takeaways

Shirley Ballas's story is one of resilience, steely work ethic, and the power of maternal love in the face of adversity. While growing up without a father left deep and lasting marks—especially on trust and relationships—her mother's example taught her perseverance and shaped her into the woman she is today. Shirley’s life is a testament to channeling pain into purpose, demonstrating how adversity can inspire compassion and a drive to help others.

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Further listening:
To hear the full conversation and more reflective stories, check out Shirley’s original episode on Great Company (link in show notes).

Transcript

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[Jamie Lang]

Hello everyone. I'm Jamie Lang and this is great moments, guys. How you doing? I hope you're well. Welcome back to another great moment. Now, today's great moment is with Strictly legend Shirley Ballas. Okay, she's an icon. We can all put our hands up and say, Shirley is an icon. And when she came on Great Company, it was kind of a really special conversation. That's why we wanted to bring this little moment back. Now, I love speaking to people about where they came from. It tells you so much about what's made them the person they are today. And Shirley, I mean, she shared so much about her childhood, what it was like growing up without a dad and being raised by a strong mother who taught her so much. Now we talk about trust, independence, and how important it is to open up and let people see the real you. So here it is. It's our great moments with Shirley Ballas. Where did you grow up?

[Shirley Ballas]

I grew up in a place called Wallasey, which is just across the river from Liverpool, so the north of England, and on a housing estate with a single mom and a brother. And times were very, very tough when we were little. You know, my mother is my. She's my queen. She is the true queen. She lives with me, you know, and I just love her to bits. What an amazing, amazing woman she is.

[Interviewer Jamie]

How tough was it growing up?

[Shirley Ballas]

Well, I think when you don't have a father influence in your life at the time, you don't realize so much. But the other kids used to make fun of you. So you were the two kids that were getting the free school dinners. And the other children would stand at the gate and say, you don't have a dad. You're on welfare. And they, you know, really quite mean to us. But I always took things, even my mum said from a young child, I'd be thinking, oh, I'm getting a free hot lunch here. It was awful for my brother. He struggled with it, you know, he didn't want to go for the free dinners. And I would say the kids were generally a little bit mean. Some of them were nice, but there was always that stigma attached to the fact that you were, you know, with a single mother and no father.

[Interviewer Jamie]

That's a strange thing for kids to attack.

[Shirley Ballas]

I think kids get what they hear at home, you know, And I think most of them were came from that unit of having moms and dads and brothers and sisters, as where my mom, she was the one that had to go. She was the breadwinner. Very proud, my mother, and she had so many jobs just so that we could always have the best School, school uniforms, clothes were always pressed. And she did the best with the means that she had. So I think that, you know, it was just difficult times all round back then, I think.

[Interviewer Jamie]

What do you think it does? Because growing up without a dad. Your dad left when you were 2, right?

[Shirley Ballas]

Yeah.

[Interviewer Jamie]

What is it was having such a strong mother but an absent father. What do you think that does to a young girl?

[Shirley Ballas]

I think it was only years later that I used to look at my best friend, Karen. I've got a friend of over 50 years and she had that solid unit. And I used to look at her and the dad would be making a fuss of her, you know, and he'd be with her at all the competitions. And I used to think, what's it like to have somebody that you're their queen? You know, a dad always revolves around their daughters and little girls is my observation. So I would say it was later on in life that I struggled with it far more than when I was little. Of course, I had my mother there. She taught me work ethics. She had four jobs at one time, I remember, just to make ends meet. You name it, she did it. She wasn't proud. She did whatever she had to do to make it work for the family so that we could eat every week and have nice clean clothes.

[Interviewer Jamie]

What does that teach you about work ethic?

[Shirley Ballas]

Well, what I've realized through my life, I was one of those people that I would say had above average talent. But my work ethic was off the chart. So if you worked four hours, I'd be the one working eight. And I think I've never been late for anything in my life. I've never missed a flight, you know, being on time, all these things for my life. Making sure my private lessons. I was there on time. Making sure I never lost my shoes. Cause I only had one pair. Nothing in life is for free, you know, Paying it forward was another thing that I learned from her. So some great lessons from her along the way, you know.

[Interviewer Jamie]

Would you say no father has potentially impacted your relationships in your life?

[Shirley Ballas]

I would say my relationships have been a disaster all the way along the line. All the way. But having said that, and this is only from my perspective, I'm still friendly with Nigel Tiffany, who was my first fiance at 16. He's my financial advisor. Today I left and then I ran off with this guy called Sammy Stopford. And we went right to the top in the dancing. And then I left. And then I went to America and I married Corky 22 years then. Then I Left. And then I've had a couple of boyfriends and that all ended in disaster. And then currently, as I've just split with my boyfriend six years, so I don't really know, you know, I look back and I never had that example of that family environment, you know, And I. I look at other people and I love it when I see that there's still the mom and the dad and the. And they all get there. But what I am truly grateful is that at 87, I still have my mother, you know, and that she lives with me and I get these precious moments with her. Cause she's the only thing, the only thing that's been a staple in my life.

[Interviewer Jamie]

Wow.

[Shirley Ballas]

No friend, no marriage, no nothing. She's been the main staple in my life. And other than that, my son and I have one or two good friends. I have a very small circle of people around me. I'm not the most trusting person at all. And I think that all comes from, you know, the childhood and the ups, the downs and having to do. I mean, I used to travel from age 10 all over the country on buses and trains while all the other kids, mums and dads took them, you know, and cars and things. No one ever asked me if I needed a ride or can we help you? So it was really fending for yourself from that age. And I mean, my dad could have bellied up and he could have said, oh, I can do this or I can do that. He never did anything, not even bought me a pair of dance shoes. So when he passed away two years ago, and his sister said, you know, I think you should fight to get this, this and this. And I was like, why would. He never gave me anything while I was alive. Why would I fight for something when he's passed? Wow. Do you know what I mean?

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[Shirley Ballas]

So I think it just makes you a little bit hardened on the inside. I did care for my dad. I mean, you only get one dad. And throughout the years, I did see him occasionally, but nothing that was like, deep. We never talked about ever how I felt, you know, and he never asked me either.

[Interviewer Jamie]

So when he died, were you sad?

[Shirley Ballas]

I went to the funeral and I tried to talk to my mum about it. I had very mixed emotions because I think when somebody's like, I couldn't. I'll get emotional just talking about this. I couldn't imagine losing my mother. That to me, I've been with that woman through ups, through downs, through her cancer, through the suicide of my brother, through just everything in my life. Now her I couldn't imagine losing that will be very traumatic for me, but I felt that, you know, because he'd passed. But like I say, I never had that. That girl, dad relationship, you know, and they told me after he passed, you know, your dad really did love you. Well, it was a shame I didn't hear it from him. You know, maybe in passing he might have said, I love you, but words to me don't mean a lot. Actions mean a lot to me, so. And, you know, anyone listening, family, they always, you know, could give it large there. But the thing is, they don't live in my life and they don't live in my shoes and they never lived that childhood, you know, so do you

[Interviewer Jamie]

think you find it hard to talk about things? Because. How do I explain this? You're so in the public eye and you're a judge on one of the biggest shows in the uk and everyone has an opinion. And whatever anyone ever says or talks about, there are always people who hit back with certain things. Oh, you're not right here. You're not. There's always criticism. Whatever you do, whatever you say, you, everyone else. So do you find it hard to be vulnerable and be open in certain situations?

[Shirley Ballas]

When I first got the job on Strictly come dancing in 2017, and my son, who's been in television, as you know, Jamie, or pretty much all his life, he watched the first series and he said to me, if you don't drop your walls and the barrier that you have around you, I'm going to get emotional again. He said, you're far too. He said that it's stopping right here and you've got to let those walls down and you've got to share your experiences. And I think also in 2017, I was having such a bad time with press. You know, there was another time, I remember that my mum had a friend came in and she had all the pictures of my brother on the wall and they sold those pictures to the press, you know, so 2017 was a very guarded place for me at the time, and just people coming out the woodwork selling stories that weren't true. In 2018, we decided that perhaps it wasn't right for me to take the job back. And again, my son stepped in and he said to my mother, I know you've had a lot of press and everything between the two of you, but maybe you should focus more on your charity work. And that's hence when I thought, okay, I'll spend 40% of my time dedicating it to the Suicide Foundation, CALM Campaign Against Living Miserably Met Mellon for Cancer, Alderhay Children's Hospital. You know, a center Point. All the different charities that I'm involved in. Hence that's why I took it back in 2018. But I think over the years, I think I've learned to drop a little bit more. And I've never talked really about my father in any interview, really, a little bit. But around the edges, never really that deep feeling that it leaves a girl, a young girl that could have done with a dad there, you know, while I was growing up, actually, even I look back and, you know, my brother, he needed a man in his life. I felt we had a guy that kind of stepped in every now and again, my Auntie Mavis husband. But he didn't have that father, son, role model. There was no role model there for my brother. And I felt sad for that. Years later, when you look back on your life, you know, I felt, you know, had he have just even just stepped up. He was that kind of dad that we get ready on a Sunday. He might say, coming to get the kids on a Sunday. My mama gets already in the little council flat, you know, best clothes on, standing by the window, never turned up over and over and over again. And then, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, me mum would go to the little corner phone box and let him have it, because that's what she does. And. And he would say, oh, don't worry, I've got the gifts are in the mail. Never received a gift, never got a Christmas gift, Never got a Christmas card or birthday card or, you know, I can remember. You know, you remember things in your life. I remember one time when he eventually did pick us up and he said his mother was gonna cook us this dinner. We turned up at the door. She didn't even know we were coming. So I remember that they had to share out this roast dinner that had probably been made for like three people, that suddenly now you've got an extra four. I never got a roast potato, by the way. I've never forgotten that. It was divvied out. And even as a small child, you just got that feeling that you. No one knew you were coming. So it was things like that. And they were very few and far between. He visited me another time in Yorkshire when I moved there when I was 15. Yeah. So it wasn't the greatest of relationships, should we say? Let me rephrase that. He'll always be my dad, but it wasn't a deep relationship that we could share Things with, you know, Shelly.

[Interviewer Jamie]

So funny. What as kids, what we remember you do when you are, as a. My point is as children, when you're promised something, you think it's real and especially from your parents.

[Shirley Ballas]

Well, as I've grown older now, there's several things I don't do. So lessons in life. You can play the victim and you can say, well, I'm like that because of this. Or you can look at the situation and think, I will never be like that. So I've never been like that. So if I make a promise to the best of my ability, I will carry it through. If I see somebody needs help, I will be the person that's there to try to my best to help. And I never had that attitude with my own son or, you know, anybody I helped raise along the way. So the lesson I learned from him is that's not the person I ever want to be.

[Jamie Lang]

Shirley, thank you so much. Shirley's the best. That was an amazing, great moment. Now what I loved about this episode was I loved how her mum taught her about work ethic and how it stayed with her her whole life.

[Interviewer Jamie]

That's kind of amazing.

[Jamie Lang]

Always be prepared, always give all and never ever give up. Always one foot in front of the other. I absolutely love that. You can see that in everything she does. That determination to show up properly. Now if you like that episode, you need to check out Shirley's full episode. We're going to leave a link in the show notes so you just go and click on it. Shirley is just one of the many amazing guests we've had in Great Company. So if you haven't already, make sure to check out all of them because there's so many of them. Okay, don't forget to follow and subscribe and we'll be back next week for a brand new episode of Great Company.

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