The Twelve Tortoises (Part I)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Grimm, Grimmer, Grimmest

Episode: "The Twelve Tortoises (Part I)"

Host: Adam Gidwitz
Date: October 2, 2025
Spookiness Rating: Grimmer

Overview

In this "Grimmer"-rated episode, bestselling author Adam Gidwitz introduces listeners to a lesser-known, weirder fairy tale, "The Twelve Tortoises," adapted from a story by Franz Xaver von Schönwerth—not the Brothers Grimm. Joined by a group of curious and outspoken kids, Adam unpacks the tale’s eerie turns, the dubious motives of adults, the loyalty of siblings, and a very mysterious blue swan, all with lively banter and playful theories.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: More Grimm Than Grimm

• Adam sets expectations for a weirder-than-usual story:
  • [00:16] “The original Grimm fairy tales aren’t like that at all. They’re weird and sometimes gross and often scary. In other words, they’re grim.”
• He warns listeners about the episode's scarier content and reminds them of the “Grim, Grimmer, Grimmest” spookiness scale.

2. Who Was Franz Xaver von Schönwerth?

• Unlike the Brothers Grimm, Schönwerth didn't edit or publish his stories—his versions are raw, quirky, and only discovered fairly recently.
  • [03:19] Adam: “He did not make them cooler or change the language. And so the stories he wrote down are even weirder than the Brothers Grimm stories, if possible.”

3. Meet the Family: Poverty and Desperation

• The story begins with a destitute mother, father, and two children (Elias and Caroline) searching for food and shelter.
• The group discusses what a tortoise is, and the unique sadness of the family’s plight.

4. The Innkeeper’s Wife and the Cruel Bargain

• The family begs for help at an inn but the selfish innkeeper’s wife refuses food, instead offering to buy the children for ten gold doubloons.
  • [08:02] Child: “I think that woman’s too greedy... I think they’ll be treated like servants.”
• In a bizarre twist true to the original story, the parents give the children away for free, breaking their promise.
  • [09:48] Child: “But you always say, no matter what, we’ll take care of each other. How could you do this?”

5. Life as Slaves and the Dangerous Card Game

• Caroline and Elias are forced to work and eat scraps until the innkeeper's wife offers a menacing game: whoever draws the ace of spades first loses.
  • [11:47] Child: “Is she gonna eat them? Maybe... like she’s going to feed them to her hogs.”
• Caroline and Elias play, and just as the game ends, a majestic blue swan swoops in, grabbing Elias and flying away.

6. Sibling Loyalty and the Blue Swan’s Mystery

• Caroline chases after her brother and the mysterious blue swan into the forest, but loses them.
  • [14:09] Caroline’s refrain: “No matter what, we’ll take care of each other.”
• The kids speculate theories (are the swans their parents? Is the swan a villain or a helper?).

7. Years Pass: Caroline the Servant in a King's Palace

• Caroline finds work in a king's palace. The king, obsessed with cards, is terribly in debt.
• The king tasks Caroline with selling a wilted rose for fifty doubloons or else be sold to the wicked Duke of Gotha.
  • [19:55] King: “Then I’ll have to sell you to the Duke of Gotha. And trust me, you don’t want to work for the Duke. He’s a very wicked man.”

8. A Magical Intervention: The Thirteen Swans

• At her lowest, Caroline meets the blue swan again, now leading twelve others, each with a small barrel (cask) around its neck.
• The blue swan says it will help if she takes the casks, but warns: don’t ask what’s inside, and tell no one where they came from.
  • [22:12] Blue Swan: “Your king is in trouble. If you want, I can help you.”
  • [22:59] Child: “For a swan who stole her brother, you shouldn’t really trust him.”

9. Saving the King – But No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

• Caroline gives the king 13 casks, each filled with 100 gold doubloons.
  • [24:56] Child does the math: “1,300 gold doubloons.”
• The king, greedy again, refuses Caroline her promised reward and has her chased from the palace.
  • [26:10] King: “Do you dare question my generosity, servant? Why, I could have you killed.”

10. Back to the Forest, and The Old Enemy Returns

• Fleeing the guard, Caroline is hidden by the swans and guided back to the now-decaying inn of her childhood.
• The innkeeper’s wife tempts Caroline inside with sweet words, offering “fresh hog’s milk.”
• Suspicion mounts (“Maybe it has poison in it”—Child, [29:57]), but Caroline gives in and promptly collapses into a deep sleep.
  • [31:04] “Caroline took a sip of the hog’s milk, and she fell down in a faint and sank instantly into a deep, deep sleep. The innkeeper’s wife cackled.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Weirdness of Fairy Tales:
  • [04:09] Adam: “...the stories he wrote down are even weirder than the Brothers Grimm stories, if possible.”
• On Parental Betrayal:
  • [09:48] Child: “But you always say, no matter what, we’ll take care of each other. How could you do this?”
• Comic Relief:
  • [04:51] “A tortoise is like a turtle, but it has feet.” – Child
  • [14:32] Child theorizing: “Maybe she—the goose. The parents showed the goose, like getting the kids.”
  • [26:45] Faster than you can say Franz Ksava von Schoenvert...
• On Suspicious Hospitality:
  • [29:14] Child: “She’s doing that sweet voice again.”
  • [30:13] Adam: “And we know that sweet voice. Bad news.”

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Important Timestamps

• Intro & Spookiness Scale: 00:16–00:58
• Who is Franz Xaver von Schönwerth: 02:25–04:09
• Family’s Plight & Inn Arrival: 04:43–07:17
• Children Sold for Free: 09:34–10:13
• Card Game and Blue Swan Abduction: 11:16–13:37
• Caroline’s Journey & Theories: 14:09–15:24
• King’s Palace & Rose Challenge: 17:43–19:55
• 13 Swans with Casks: 21:05–22:59
• Restoring King’s Wealth: 24:11–25:13
• King’s Betrayal & Caroline’s Escape: 26:10–27:30
• The Poison Innkeeper & Cliffhanger: 28:15–31:04

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Tone and Style

The episode is conversational, humorous, and slightly irreverent despite the dark subject matter, thanks to Adam’s exchanges with the kids. The children’s candid reactions, imaginative guesses, and refusal to accept fairy tale logic add layers of levity while uncovering the story’s deeper themes: trust, betrayal, and sibling loyalty.

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Cliffhanger Ending

The episode closes with Caroline fainting after drinking the innkeeper's suspicious hog’s milk, leaving listeners (and especially the kids present) on a classic, frustrated cliffhanger:

• [31:20] Adam: “And that’s all we have time for today.”
• [31:22] Child: “No!”

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Tune in next episode to discover what becomes of Caroline, Elias, and the sinister blue swan...

Transcript

[Child Listener]

Pinna. Pinna.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Hi. My name is Adam Gidwitz. I'm an author. I'm also a storyteller. I like telling all kinds of stories, but I especially like telling grim fairy tales. You may think you know Grimm fairy tales, and you may think that they are sweet and boring, but listen, those tales you heard were the cute, happy little kid bedtime versions of the Grimm tales. The original Grimm fairy tales aren't like that at all. They're weird and sometimes gross and often scary. In other words, they're grim. And I'm about to walk into a classroom and tell one of the original grim, grim tales to a bunch of kids. Do you want to join me? Do you want to hear a grim fairy tale? Let me help you decide. On a scale of Grim, Grimmer and Grimmest, this episode is grimmer. The heroes of this story find themselves in. In a very grim situation indeed. If I get to a part of the story and you start to feel scared or uncomfortable, this is what you could do. You could turn down the volume and count to five, then turn the volume back up. If it still seems like a part you don't want to hear, just turn the volume down and count to five again. You know how much weird and gross and scary you're ready for? You know what you need? Okay, I'm at the classroom door now. There are kids inside waiting to hear a grim fairy tale. So are you coming in? Grim Grimmer Grimace. How are you today?

[Child Listener]

Uh, good.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Anything you want to tell me?

[Child Listener]

Uh, no. Just another boring day of school.

[Adam Gidwitz]

It was boring.

[Child Listener]

Yes.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Let's see if we can make it less boring, shall we?

[Child Listener]

Yes.

[Adam Gidwitz]

The story is a little different than last time. This story is not by the Brothers Grimm.

[Child Listener]

Is it by, like, Vomsher, Franz de Voc, or something like that?

[Adam Gidwitz]

That was beautifully pronounced. Perfect.

[Child Listener]

Like Von Saba Vran.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Close, but not sherbet.

[Child Listener]

I love sherbert. I like sherbert.

[Adam Gidwitz]

His name is Franz Csaver von Schoenvoort.

[Child Listener]

That's French. That's French. Von Schuhvurt.

[Adam Gidwitz]

It sounds French.

[Child Listener]

It's really Spanish. Italian.

[Adam Gidwitz]

It's not Italian. Franz Xava von Schoenvert is German.

[Child Listener]

Why?

[Adam Gidwitz]

What would you like to learn how to say his name? Please repeat after me. Franz.

[Child Listener]

Franz.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Ksava.

[Child Listener]

Ksava.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Von. Von Schoenvut.

[Child Listener]

Schoenvut.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Laughing at this guy's name. Well, anyway, Francis Abbe von Schoenvert. He lived in Germany at the same time as Brothers Grimm, and he traveled around Germany collecting stories just like they did but there was a big difference.

[Child Listener]

What?

[Adam Gidwitz]

When the Brothers Grimm collected their stories, they would edit them and then publish them. What does it mean to edit something?

[Child Listener]

Like make it cooler and add a lot of stuff to it?

[Adam Gidwitz]

Exactly right. They would make it cooler. They would add stuff to it. They would make the language better. Franz Xava von Schoenvert never published his stories. They were found in a box in a library only, like, 20 years ago. Even though he wrote them down. 150 years ago.

[Child Listener]

What?

[Adam Gidwitz]

Yes.

[Child Listener]

So he's not alive?

[Adam Gidwitz]

No. Franz Sava von Schoenvuth did not edit his stories. He did not make them cooler or change the language. And so the stories he wrote down are even weirder than the Brothers Grimm stories, if possible. Sometimes things happen and you're like, I don't understand. Why is that happening? And we never find out why. Okay, this story is called the 12 tortoises.

[Child Listener]

What? What?

[Adam Gidwitz]

Raise your hand if you know what a tortoise is.

[Child Listener]

I know what it is. A tortoise is like a turtle, but it has feet.

[Adam Gidwitz]

A tortoise is like a turtle, but instead of having webbed feet, it has, like, land feet. Because tortoises live on land. Yeah, that's exactly right. Once upon a time, there was a mother and a father who were so poor they had nothing to eat and no place to call home. They had two children they loved dearly. But despite all their efforts to find steady work or to scavenge food for their kids, every day the family grew hungrier and hungrier. And when the nights grew long and cold and food became scarcer than a feather on a fish, they would huddle together for warmth, and the parents would say, no matter what, we'll take care of each other. As winter swiftly approached, things were looking bleak. They needed to find food and shelter, or the whole family would freeze. One day, they were trudging through a dark wood. The little boy, whose name was Elias.

[Child Listener]

Said, I'm starving to death.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Now, usually when a kid says that, they're exaggerating, right? Have you ever said, like, I'm starving? Can you go ahead and say it the way you say it when you're, you know, starving? Oh. Gotcha. Perfect. So annoying.

[Child Listener]

Excellent.

[Adam Gidwitz]

But this time, Elias's parents looked at him and thought that maybe he was telling the truth. The little boy's big sister, whose name.

[Child Listener]

Was Caroline, said, I think I'm starving, too. What are we gonna do?

[Adam Gidwitz]

Their parents hugged them and said, no.

[Child Listener]

Matter what, we'll take care of each other.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Just then, they came to a Clearing where there stood an inn.

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

Certainly the innkeeper will give us warmth.

[Adam Gidwitz]

And work and some scraps to eat, said the father. And the children cheered.

[Child Listener]

Hooray.

[Adam Gidwitz]

What the family didn't know, though, was that the inn was not running by the innkeeper. It was run by the innkeeper's wife, a greedy old woman who guarded her garbage scraps as if they were gold so she could feed them to her hogs while her husband slept and snored all day. Anyone know what a hog is?

[Child Listener]

I think it's some sort of pig. Like an old fat pig.

[Adam Gidwitz]

But the family didn't know any of that. So, shivering but hopeful, they knocked on the door of the inn. The old innkeeper's wife slowly opened the door.

[Child Listener]

Yes, please, ma', am, we're looking for work and warmth and food to eat. Would you help us? Work, warmth, food to eat. I've got a good for nothing husband and a whole herd of hogs to take care of. If I give you food, what do you expect me ogs to eat?

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

Please, even just a garbage scrap, begged the father.

[Adam Gidwitz]

But the innkeeper's wife sneered.

[Child Listener]

I can't give you garbage scraps. Me hogs are hungry.

[Adam Gidwitz]

The mother pleaded again.

[Child Listener]

You don't have to help us, but please could you help our children?

[Adam Gidwitz]

The innkeeper's wife thought about it.

[Child Listener]

I tell you what, I will buy your two children for 10 gold doubloons. What are doubloons? I think it's like a type of money in that time.

[Adam Gidwitz]

So first of all, doubloons are an old fashioned kind of money. Second of all, she offered to buy the kids. What do you think the parents are gonna say to that?

[Child Listener]

No, no, no, because that's the only thing they got.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Yeah, the kids are the only thing they have anyone to add to that.

[Child Listener]

I, I think that that woman's too greedy and I don't think she will take care of the kids if she buys them. I think they'll be treated like servants. I think this lady, she's acting very, I can't say who else.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Suspicious.

[Child Listener]

Suspicious. And I thought the house was creepy and old and it's made out of wood because some fairy tales have a lady wearing. She says, oh, that was so nice. And she's really an evil witch who likes to maybe treat kids like soup.

[Adam Gidwitz]

She might like to treat kids like.

[Child Listener]

Soup because soup doesn't get treated nice. You can eat the soup and soup is getting killed by it.

[Adam Gidwitz]

What a fascinating observation. Let's find out. The parents replied, we would never sell Our children?

[Child Listener]

Never. Not for any price.

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

But you can have them for free.

[Adam Gidwitz]

What? What kind of parents are these? Why would they do that? It seems totally nuts. But this is what happens in the original story. Because I told you. Franz Saver von Schoenvert. Weird. Elias cried. And Caroline begged her parents.

[Child Listener]

But you always say, no matter what, we'll take care of each other. How could you do this?

[Adam Gidwitz]

But before they could answer, the innkeeper's wife yanked the children inside and slammed the door in the parents face.

[Child Listener]

Uh, they broke the promise.

[Adam Gidwitz]

It seems like they broke the promise.

[Child Listener]

Yeah, like they don't care about each other anymore. Like they just let him go. They just want them to have food. That's why they did it.

[Adam Gidwitz]

How interesting. The innkeeper's wife was a mean and selfish woman who cared about no one, except maybe her hogs. She used the children as slaves, forcing them to clean and scrub and do the laundry. And she fed them only the garbage scraps her hogs wouldn't eat. And always she would mutter, why did.

[Child Listener]

I take in these two ungrateful brats? I'm too kind hearted. That's my problem.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Do you agree with her? And then one day, the innkeeper's wife produced a pack of cards.

[Child Listener]

You work so hard, she said to.

[Adam Gidwitz]

The children, and her voice had become syrupy sweet.

[Child Listener]

Come sit here. Why don't we play a little game?

[Adam Gidwitz]

Elias loved games, and he had never even held a deck of cards before, so he was eager to play. Caroline, though, felt a bit suspicious at the sudden sweetness in the voice of the innkeeper's wife. But Elias wanted to play so much that Caroline sat down across the table from him and the innkeeper's wife taught them how to play. The deck of cards was placed between the children and they would take turns drawing a card. And whoever pulled the ace of spades first was the loser.

[Child Listener]

I think she might do something bad to them. If they lose. Is she gonna eat them? Maybe. Like she's going to feed them to her hogs.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Let's find out. After the innkeeper's wife had explained the rules, Caroline said, uh, that sounds like.

[Child Listener]

Kind of a boring game.

[Adam Gidwitz]

But Elias clapped his little hands and said he wanted to go first.

[Child Listener]

No. Ladies first. Go ahead, Caroline.

[Adam Gidwitz]

So Caroline went first. She pulled the top card off of the deck and it was ace of spades. Not an ace of spades, something else.

[Child Listener]

Jackpartners.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Jack of hearts. Then it was Elias's turn to pick a card. He drew from the top of the.

[Child Listener]

Deck, and it was not the Phrase.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Yeah.

[Child Listener]

What? It was the something of cloves.

[Adam Gidwitz]

It was the something of cloves. You mean clubs?

[Child Listener]

Clubs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Gidwitz]

The something of clubs.

[Child Listener]

I knew that.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Caroline won again. And she pulled a queen of hearts. Queen of hearts. And then it was Elias turn. And he pulled. And despite the fact that it was a boring game, Caroline shouted, I won. And Elias immediately said, I want to play again. But the innkeeper's wife said, and for the loser. And suddenly her voice wasn't sweet at all. But before she could finish her sentence, there was a beating of wings. And through the window flew a majestic, tall blue swan. It grabbed Elias with its black webbed feet and lifted him into the air.

[Child Listener]

What?

[Adam Gidwitz]

Caroline screamed and tried to grab her brother's feet to pull him back to earth, but the swan flew straight out the window, carrying Elias away. Caroline screamed, my brother. And she ran out of the house into the cold. The innkeeper's wife shouted, get back here, both of you. Not that Elias had any choice in the matter, seeing that he was being carried away by a blue swan. But Caroline did have a choice. And she could think of only one thing.

[Child Listener]

No matter what, we'll take care of each other.

[Adam Gidwitz]

So Caroline ran into the dark, cold forest, looking for the blue swan and for her brother. Far in the distance, the blue swan carried Elias away, with two white swans following behind. Caroline tried to follow them, but in moments they were all out of sight.

[Child Listener]

What? Maybe she the goose. The parents showed the goose, like getting the kids.

[Adam Gidwitz]

You think the parents are the swan and they were trying to get the kid?

[Child Listener]

Yeah.

[Adam Gidwitz]

What an interesting theory, though. Elias and the blue swan and the white swans were now far out of sight. Caroline refused to give up. She ran for days across the snow, searching for Elias and the three swans. She'd been heartbroken that she'd lost her parents, but this was even worse. Elias was her best friend, and without him, the world felt cold, lonely, and far too big. But he was nowhere to be found.

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[Adam Gidwitz]

Years went by and eventually Caroline gave up her search and found herself a half decent job working as a servant to a king. She spent her days polishing the window frames, sweeping the marble floors, and tending to the king's vast collection of wilting, forgotten plants. The plants were wilting and forgotten and the window frames were dusty and the marble floors were dirty. Because this king was obsessed with card games and had lost all his riches playing them. He had gambled away all of his money, horses, art, robes, jewels and even the furniture, and he owed many debts to lords and counts and kings from far off lands. Caroline would watch him play sometimes and while he liked poker and blackjack and Thuringian Carnufle. You guys like Thuringian Carnufle?

[Child Listener]

I don't even know what that is.

[Adam Gidwitz]

You guys have never played Thuringian Carnufle? I'm just kidding. I've never heard of it either. While the king liked all those games, he really just liked to draw cards from the deck. And whoever drew the ace of spades first lost. The whole thing made Caroline sick to see.

[Child Listener]

I think it's because her brother lost and then he flew away.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Yeah, that was the game that made her lose her brother. Exactly. But one day, as she was trying to revive a very sad looking rose bush in the conservatory, the King summoned Caroline in a panic.

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

The Duke of Gotha is coming tonight.

[Adam Gidwitz]

The Duke of Gotha had come many nights. He and the King played cards regularly. Caroline said, and?

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

And I owe him 50 gold doubloons. And if I can't pay him, I'll lose everything. Do you hear me?

[Child Listener]

Everything. Um, my job is to clean the windowsills and tend to your wilting plants. What do you want me to do about it?

[Adam Gidwitz]

The King plucked a single rose from the wilting rose bush.

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

Go to town and sell this rose for 50 doubloons. Then if you do it, I'll let you keep three.

[Adam Gidwitz]

He handed her the rose.

[Child Listener]

Caroline said, and if I can't sell this sad looking rose for 50 doubloons.

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

Then I'll have to sell you to the Duke of Gotha. And trust me, you don't want to work for the Duke. He's a very wicked man.

[Child Listener]

I feel like doubloons have a high value.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Yes, I think doubloons are worth a lot. I think you're right. Because, like, only 50 is gonna get him out of debt.

[Child Listener]

I don't think Caroline is gonna sell a rose for 50 doubloons.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Caroline did not want to be sold to the Duke of Gotha, so she hurried off to the market. But when she got to the town square and tried to sell the rose, everyone laughing.

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

50 doubloons for a wilted rose?

[Adam Gidwitz]

What does it do?

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

Sing and dance, grant three wishes and bake me a pie?

[Adam Gidwitz]

No one was willing to pay the price. After hours, without any luck, the sun was beginning to set and Caroline was feeling defeated. She sat down beside a pond, despairing, and said to herself, I don't want.

[Child Listener]

To be seen sold to the wicked Duke.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Just then she saw 13 swans gliding across the surface of the pond in her direction. And each had a small wooden cask around its neck. It's like a mini barrel. You know what, like a wooden barrel looks like?

[Child Listener]

No.

[Adam Gidwitz]

You ever seen like in a cartoon or like in Donkey Kong, these little. It's like a. You guys don't know what I'm talking about. It looks like a trash can made of wood. How about that? Okay, but it's closed on both Sides.

[Child Listener]

Okay, I know it is. It's like a barrel that holds like food, but then Donkey Kong smashes it. In the movie, like.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Yeah, like in the Donkey Kong movie. Yeah. It's like a round container so they have these little barrels around their necks. The swan at the very front of the line was majestic, tall, and a striking shade of blue. That's right. Caroline's breath caught in her throat. She had seen this blue swan before, many years ago. When it opened its beak, it spoke and its voice was as eerily calm as the surface of the palm.

[Child Listener]

Your king is in trouble. If you want, I can help you. But Caroline said, you stole my brother.

[Adam Gidwitz]

As calm as the water, the swan.

[Child Listener]

Replied, do you want my help? How can you help me? Where is my brother?

[Adam Gidwitz]

The swan merely said, take these casks.

[Child Listener]

From around our necks, but do not ask what's in them and tell no one where they came from.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Caroline hesitated. What do you think? What would you do?

[Child Listener]

You're the creepiest swan I have ever met in my life. Why do I trust you? You're talking. You are crazy. Bye. I think for a swan who stole her brother, you shouldn't really trust him.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Shouldn't trust him.

[Child Listener]

I would do it. Cause I think maybe the blue swan saved him, not stole him.

[Adam Gidwitz]

With trembling hands, Caroline took the 13 casks from around the swans necks and hurried back to the palace. Meanwhile, the Duke of Gotha had already arrived. When the King had not produced his 50 gold doubloons, the Duke drew a sword and held it to the King's neck. The King had only one guard to protect him, and this guard had not been paid in a very long time. So as the Duke of Gotha threatened to kill the king, the King's guard merely watched. The Duke said, the sun is about.

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

To set, your Highness.

[Adam Gidwitz]

There is the money you owe me.

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

I told you my servant had to make a quick trip to the royal bank. But she should be here any moment.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Just then, Caroline burst through the door.

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

You're here. I mean, of course you're here.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Ha ha.

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

I told you she'd be here. Now fork over the gold.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Caroline presented the king with the 12 casks. The king said, casks?

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

Where did you get these?

[Child Listener]

I cannot say.

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

And what's inside them?

[Child Listener]

I cannot say.

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

Well, it better be gold.

[Adam Gidwitz]

As quickly as he could, the King opened the first cask in which he found 100 gold doubloons. And when he opened the next cask, he found 100 more. Each of the 13 casks contained 100 gold doubloons. How many is that?

[Child Listener]

1300 gold doubloons.

[Adam Gidwitz]

1300 gold doubloons. Also known as 1300 gold doubloons. And so the Duke of Gotha sheathed his sword, took the doubloons he was owed, and went merrily on his way. The king laughed with pride. Ha ha ha.

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

We did it. We did it. Of course we did it. I always pay my debts.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Pleased with her good work, Caroline humbly asked.

[Child Listener]

Um, so may I have the three doubloons you promised me?

[Adam Gidwitz]

Oh, of course.

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

But I need all these doubloons for my next card game. But when I win, which I certainly will, I promise to give you 20 gold doubloons, plus the three I owe you.

[Adam Gidwitz]

What do you think of that?

[Child Listener]

I just think he's gonna lose. Cause he's lose so many card games. Like you have to stop playing. This is the reason you're pouring and dead and all that?

[Adam Gidwitz]

100%.

[Child Listener]

Oh, if it isn't too much trouble, you, Highness, I would much prefer to just have the three gold doubloons now.

[Adam Gidwitz]

A funny look came over the King's face.

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

Do you dare question my generosity, servant? Why, I could have you killed.

[Child Listener]

I'm sorry.

[Adam Gidwitz]

The king flipped a gold doubloon to his guard and commanded him, seize this ungrateful swine.

[King/Duke/Innkeeper's Wife (Various Characters)]

Throw her in the dungeon at once.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Caroline ran out of the castle faster than you can say. What's a long word that I could use here? Faster than you can say zoom. Zoom. Okay, that's not a very long word, but yes, it's good. It's a good fast word.

[Child Listener]

Uh, I was gonna say that, but.

[Adam Gidwitz]

You were gonna say zoom also.

[Child Listener]

Um, the Sherbert guy.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Faster than you can say Franz Xaber von Schoenvert. Caroline ran out of the castle faster than you can say Franz Ksava von Schoenvert. But the guard gave chase. He rode after her on horseback with his sword drawn, ready to seize her or kill her if he had to. It's amazing what some people will do for a single gold doubloon. Caroline ran and. And ran and ran into the deep, dark woods. She ducked under brambles and behind trees. But the guard on the horse was getting closer and closer, hacking at the forest with his sharp sword.

[Child Listener]

I think Caroline had enough running for a lifetime.

[Adam Gidwitz]

I know. She really has. Poor Caroline. And then Caroline saw something glowing up ahead. A line of 12 swans and one blue one. She ran to them, and they surrounded her. And the guard ran right past as if he didn't see her or the swans at all. Then the tall blue swan looked Caroline right in the eye and said, I can help you.

[Child Listener]

How? Go to the quietest part of the darkest wall. There you will find an inn, meet me there, and I will tell you what to do next.

[Adam Gidwitz]

And so Caroline went to the quietest part of the darkest woods. And when she got there, she saw an old inn falling into disrepair. Its chimney had fallen down and vines were covering up the windows. Even so, Caroline couldn't fail to recognize was the inn where her parents had abandoned her all those years ago. And then the door opened, and out walked the old innkeeper's wife. She looked more haggard than ever.

[Child Listener]

Who goes there? These woods belong to me.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Startled, Caroline backed away. But the innkeeper's wife saw her and her voice changed.

[Child Listener]

Oh, heavens. You look like you've just seen a ghost. Come in. Come in, dear girl. You must stay the night. She's doing that sweet voice again.

[Adam Gidwitz]

And we know that sweet voice. Bad news.

[Child Listener]

Is that the same lady that then like last time that ran?

[Adam Gidwitz]

It's the hog lady.

[Child Listener]

And she doesn't recognize the girl too much because she ran away. And it said years and years passed.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Exactly right, Caroline replied warily.

[Child Listener]

No, thank you. I'm just waiting for someone. Well, at least let me give you something to eat and drink while you wait.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Caroline was very hungry and very thirsty. The innkeeper's wife said, here, come inside.

[Child Listener]

Have some fresh hogs milk. Maybe it has poison in it, because when she does sweet voice. Something always bad happens. Like killing.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Do you guys think she should go in?

[Child Listener]

No.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Caroline knew the innkeeper's wife was. Was not a nice woman, but she had never hurt the children. And besides, Caroline was curious to see what her former home looked like. So with her pulse beating quickly in her chest, she walked inside. There was barely any light, thanks to the vines covering the windows, and cobwebs seemed to be growing like moss from the ceiling in the walls. The innkeeper's wife held out a glass of hog's milk. Caroline's throat was aching with thirst. One little sip couldn't hurt, right?

[Child Listener]

Yes, it could. Very much could.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Caroline took a sip of the hog's milk, and she fell down in a faint and sank instantly into a deep, deep sleep. The innkeeper's wife cackled. And that's all we have time for today.

[Child Listener]

No.

[Adam Gidwitz]

We will find out what happens to Caroline next time.

[Child Listener]

And if I saw blood, I would honk down, my lungs run into. I would run onto a donkey, make it run all the way to my house, and then I would cry in my house.

[Adam Gidwitz]

The only weird thing about that is the donkey.

[Child Listener]

What?

[Adam Gidwitz]

All right, let's keep going. So he. Franz Xavier von Schoenvut did not edit his stories. Sometimes things happen and you're like, I don't understand. Why is that happening? And we never find out why.

[Child Listener]

Okay, like he's comment about the donkeys, we don't know why.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Just like this comment about the donkey, we don't know why.

[Child Listener]

Because there was no I can't drive a car.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Okay, so you go with a donkey. I get it.

[Child Listener]

Maybe a horse.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Maybe a horse.

[Child Listener]

Kids, you have a lot of questions. Is a crocodile a dinosaur? Why do people vote? How does your food turn into your poop?

[Adam Gidwitz]

But why?

[Child Listener]

A podcast for curious kids has answers. I'm Jane Lindholm. Join me as we dig deep into everything from science to history, nature, emotions, and sometimes even the weird. Why are jellyfishes made of jelly? Or are they made out of jelly? Find. But why? Wherever you get your podcasts.

[Adam Gidwitz]

Grim Grimmer Grimmest is a Pinna original production, created, written and narrated by me, Adam Gidwitz, author of A Tale Dark and Grim, co written by Ali Horne. Produced and edited by Kalyn West Associate producer Rebecca Cunningham. Field recording by Julia Martin. Casting and voice direction by Rebecca Cunningham. Sound design and mixing by Kaylin west. Executive produced by Carly Milori. Production support by Devin Shepherd. Characters voiced by Tria Leung, Laith walshleger, Rob Moreta, Tyler Keyes, and Charlotte Wilson Langley. Special thanks to all the kids who joined us in Staten island and Brooklyn for our storytelling sessions. You guys are awesome.