Grits and Eggs Podcast — Ep. 110: “Dropping the Mask” ft. 5hahem

Host: Deante’ Kyle
Guest: 5hahem, therapist, content creator
Release Date: December 23, 2025

Episode Overview

In this vibrant and deeply honest episode, Deante’ Kyle sits down with 5hahem, a therapist known for his bold online presence, to discuss shedding performative identities, Black masculinity, mental health, community self-policing, and how jumping through society’s hoops—especially for Black men—causes harm. Their conversation sprawls: from South food spots and hilarious cultural takes, to rigorous discussions of homophobia, identity, trauma, and social media’s impact on discourse and self-expression. With crackling banter and vulnerability, Deante’ and 5hahem plunge into personal stories and offer sharp cultural critiques, peppered with laughter, memorable moments, and candid advice.

Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Navigating Food and Culture in the South (00:36–04:55)

• The episode kicks off with humorous advice on where (and where not) to eat in the South, based on décor, vibe, and who’s working the kitchen.
  • “Hole in the wall, don’t look like the best sanitation? Get in there. I love a hole in the wall.” — 5hahem (02:16)
• Deante’ and 5hahem riff about “Black card” stereotypes and celebrate individual preferences:
  • Pineapple on pizza? Acceptable. Chitlins? …debated.

2. Men’s Mental Health & Personal Loss (05:45–07:44)

• 5hahem shares about the recent loss of his cousin to suicide, highlighting the weight of men’s mental health—especially for Black men.
  • “It’s men's mental health month, and I actually have a cousin who died by suicide a couple days ago.” — 5hahem (05:56)
• Warning signs, stigma, and the urgent need for more open conversations in Black communities.

3. Social Media, Loneliness, and the “Red Pill” Trap (07:44–10:49)

• Deante’ discusses the male loneliness epidemic, emphasizing how online “red pill” narratives can worsen realities for struggling men.
  • “You tailor your algorithm to all this hatred, and of course after a while you just start agreeing with it, you start posting it, and it's like, now you red-pilled out.” — Deante’ (08:45)
• Both point out how manipulative platforms and influencers profit off vulnerability.

4. Systemic Barriers, Misogyny, and Internalized Oppression (10:49–13:54)

• The guests dissect how capitalism, patriarchy, and racism drive isolation—and how men (wrongly) blame women and each other rather than dismantling oppressive systems.
  • “Misogyny makes men blame women when it’s not women’s fault. It’s frankly like systems above all of us.” — 5hahem (10:49)
• Proximity and oppression: lashing out laterally rather than “at the people above.”

5. Patriarchy, Homophobia, and Black Masculinity (13:54–21:26)

• Explorations of how homophobia and hypermasculinity are enforced within Black communities—often to the detriment of straight Black men themselves.
  • “Homophobia hurts [straight Black men], too...because Black men are gendered in a completely different way…when you support things like homophobia, you’re uplifting these values that say Black men have to be these specific things.” — 5hahem (17:11)
• How cultural policing—within families and peer groups—limits individual expression.
• The contradiction and harm in both celebrating and denigrating “softness,” queerness, and individuality.
• “I think the most toxic part of patriarchy is us living for the approval of other men.” — Deante’ (16:47)

6. Gender Performance, Self-Policing, and Cultural Expectations (21:26–28:05)

• The absurdity of gendered double standards—“If you have strawberry lemonade, that’s suspect”—and the limitations imposed on both men and women.
  • “I want a more sensitive and expressive man…then I weaponize that aspect, but I also want a man that just eats raw meat…” — Deante’ (23:57)
• Judith Butler and the idea that gender is a performance; calls to question why we do what we do.

7. Systemic Barriers, Internal Community Critique, and Oppression (28:10–33:57)

• Not everyone in the Black community seeks collective progress—some want power and oppression in a “Black” version.
• The misapplication and harm of certain religious ideals; the restriction of “free will” by dogma.
  • “We need to be more imaginative about what progress can look like for our community.” — 5hahem (31:31)

8. Radical Honesty, Authenticity, and Rejection of Performative Living (33:57–46:02)

• Self-inquiry and radical self-acceptance are posited as the path to individual liberation and collective change.
  • “If I didn’t accept who I was, if I didn’t overtly go after things that I liked…you wouldn't know who I am because I would still be performing.” — Deante’ (43:28)
• Both affirm that authenticity, while risky, leads to real fulfillment—and sometimes to hatred from others invested in the status quo.

9. Criticism, Growth, and Generational Legacies (46:02–59:25)

• Holding one another accountable isn’t “hate”—it’s community care and hope for genuine progress.
• Both recount fraught father-son dynamics, with 5hahem discussing coming out, and Deante’ confronting his absentee father.
• The emotional language gap for Black men, how it feeds cycles of absence, pain, and misunderstanding.
  • “Black men are stripped away from their humanity from a very early age.” — 5hahem (52:10)
• The difference between constructive criticism and projection/fear-driven backlash.

10. Economic Realities, Family, and Parenting (59:25–66:06)

• 5hahem reveals he initially didn’t want to be a therapist, but was drawn in by experience and circumstance; discusses lifting up family with his success.
• The myth that money equates to readiness for family; the racialized history of poverty and reproductive rights.
• Parental moments: protecting children’s freedom of expression, and the culture clash around “acceptable” gendered behaviors.

11. Colorism, Intersectionality, and Privilege (70:08–75:14)

• Deante’ reflects on colorism, police interactions, and the importance of acknowledging both privilege and marginalization.
  • “Making fun of me is not a systemic thing… That’s not the same as systemic colorism.” — Deante’ (72:25)
• The danger of refusing to reflect on one’s privileged identities (“victim complex”).

12. Visibility, Internet Hate, and Parasocial Critique (75:14–86:13)

• The overwhelming, sometimes violent nature of being a visible Black man online—especially as a therapist or queer public figure.
  • “People cannot accept when they see a light in somebody else…they will assume that you got it through nefarious means.” — 5hahem (78:19)
• Encounters with online haters in real life; affirming boundaries and real-world consequences for online disrespect.

13. Weaponization of Therapy Language (90:39–95:12)

• 5hahem rails against the misuse of “narcissist,” “love bombing,” and “trauma bonding.”
  • “People take these…therapeutic, well-researched terms and like flip it on its head or reduce it…and it does more of a disservice than anything else.” — 5hahem (91:39)
• Real trauma bonding defined as a manipulative, abusive attachment, not simply bonding over shared difficult experiences.

14. Conspiracies and Black Success (95:12–103:22)

• The hilarious futility of “clone” and Illuminati conspiracies about successful Black people.
  • “Why would you clone Gucci Mane? What the f* do you get from cloning Gucci?”** — 5hahem (97:37)
• Online claims about being “paid plants” or DNC operatives—both laugh off such theories, emphasizing hard work and authenticity.

15. The Pressure of Public Life & Staying Grounded (102:45–105:49)

• The stress of both increased public visibility and family expectations (“my nieces and nephews think I’m rich”).
• The importance of remaining unchanged by fame, while using new opportunities to support loved ones.
• 5hahem: “I’m the same Shaheem from way back…”

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• On Mental Health:
  "It's men's mental health month, and I actually have a cousin who died by suicide a couple days ago…it's rough, but, like, I'm good. I'm managing." — 5hahem (05:56)

• On Black Community Self-Policing:
  "The most toxic part of the patriarchy is us living for the approval of other men." — Deante’ (16:47)

• On Authenticity:
  "If I didn’t accept who I was…you wouldn't know who I am because I would still be performing." — Deante’ (43:28)

• On Weaponizing Therapy Speak:
  "The word narcissist hit the streets like crack in the 80s. And I hate it…They overuse it, they misuse it often." — 5hahem (90:39)

• On Online Hate:
  “People cannot accept when they see a light in somebody else…they will assume that you got it through nefarious means.” — 5hahem (78:19)

• On Colorism:
  “Making fun of me is not a systemic thing…That’s not the same as systemic colorism.” — Deante’ (72:25)

Memorable Moments

• Comparing Clean Chitlins and Clean Ass (04:55)
  A comic (and surprisingly philosophical) digression on Black food culture and taboos.

• Bringing Up the “Pause” Discourse (47:55)
  Both lampoon and analyze how “pause,” “punk,” and other gender-policing terms shape Black male expression and connection.

• Calling Out the Therapy Course Grift (96:11–97:25)
  Both mock how quickly anyone with minor celebrity status is expected to sell a course; 5hahem stays adamant about authenticity.

Final Thoughts & Calls to Action

• Host and Guest on Dropping the Mask:
  The episode’s central plea: Question who you are, why you feel the need to perform, and what holds you back from authenticity.

  • “Be who you are. Like, question your identity. But even more than that, stop hating—and some of us will smack you in real life. That’s it.” — 5hahem (105:49)

• On Community and Growth:
  Both urge Black communities to hold each other accountable out of care, to abandon anti-queer and misogynistic policing, and to embrace individual differences as a path to collective healing.

Episode Timeline Key Segments

• 00:36–04:55: Food, Blackness, and ‘card’ culture
• 05:45–07:44: Men's mental health, suicide, vulnerability
• 07:44–10:49: Male loneliness, social media traps
• 13:54–21:26: Queerness, patriarchy, homophobia in Black communities
• 28:10–33:57: “Not all want Black progress”; religious dogma
• 43:54–46:02: Radical self-honesty
• 59:25–66:06: Parenting, privilege, and family
• 70:08–75:14: Intersectionality, colorism
• 90:39–95:12: Weaponizing therapy speak
• 95:12–103:22: Conspiracy theories about Black success
• 105:49: Parting words and “stop hating” mic drop

This episode pulses with humor, heart, and a relentless push for deeper thought and self-examination. It’s as insightful as it is entertaining—a must-listen for anyone seeking an unvarnished look at modern Black identity, community, and self-knowing.