Loading summary
Transcript640 lines
- [00:01]
A
This episode is brought to you by LifeLock. Between two factor authentication, strong passwords and a VPN, you try to be in control of how your info is protected. But many other places also have it and they might not be as careful. That's why LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second for threats. If your identity is stolen, they'll fix it, guaranteed or your money back. Save up to 40% your first year. Make visit lifelock.com podcast for 40% off terms apply.
- [00:31]
B
You know that one friend who somehow knows everything about money?
- [00:34]
A
Yeah.
- [00:35]
B
Now imagine they live in your phone. Say hey to Experian, your big financial friend. It's the app that helps you check.
- [00:42]
A
Your FICO score, find ways to save.
- [00:44]
B
And basically feel like a financial genius. And guess what? It's totally free. So go on, download the Experian app. Trust me, having a BFF like this is a total game changer.
- [01:02]
A
Y woke up in the morning and to God be the glory Thankful for another day to tell my story Put my opinions in the universe and let them orbit I'm from the dirty south with a dirty mouth might need orbit miss things things on me like a Norbit had to refuse them cause my no rest fusion she gorgeous as I doub my sons up and kiss my daughter forehead Tell them we going to get this money to my pockets more bit remember living in apartments now we playing mortgage you ain't got to like a regardless baby I'm blessed and I keep that blick with me we like grits and eggs as you sip your coffee Flick your cigarette and let a V yeah, we back. Oh, we back.
- [01:50]
B
Grace and ends podcast episode 73 I'm your host, Deontay Kai. You probably can't hear him, but who's behind the camera? You guys come cat he back though, man. We in the building. We got an illustrious. We don't got no. We don't got no goddamn plugs today, all right? We ain't doing all that extra. We going to get right into it, cuz. We got an illustrious, illustrious guest. Grammy award winning Grammy nominated. Oh, it was nominated. It was nominated. You won in my book.
- [02:19]
A
Listen, I've been on projects that have won though.
- [02:21]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. Grammy nominated for his album En Route. Incredible vocalist, arguably one of the greatest tiny desks of all time.
- [02:34]
A
The greatest.
- [02:35]
B
It's the greatest.
- [02:36]
A
It's the.
- [02:37]
B
It's pride month, nigga. You're talking to a queer icon, nigga. Duran, Bernard.
- [02:43]
A
My God.
- [02:46]
B
Duran, motherfucker. But Nar man, make some noise. My Brother, how you doing?
- [02:52]
A
I strange enough. I feel rested.
- [02:56]
B
Yeah.
- [02:56]
A
Yes. I've been on the go. Or should I say I've been on the road or the road been on me, you know, either or.
- [03:02]
B
You flew in today?
- [03:04]
A
I flew in the 20th.
- [03:06]
B
Oh, word. So Friday, I literally got here this morning. I got here, like, I got here like around 11 and then fucking around. I ain't have lift on my phone and shit like that. So I got all the way down, you know, zone three. When we went last time, I had started downloading, shit, four hours. I was like, damn, I ain't gonna get picked up. I gotta walk back in the turn them. But as I'm walking back, it's like. And it go down all the way to two minutes. I was like, all right, this is a little safe spot then. Nigga that barely speak English pulled up like, you need a ride. I was like, fuck no.
- [03:37]
A
Unless it'll be your last ride.
- [03:39]
B
Yeah. Oh, God. Like the undertaker. For real. Listen, and I ain't trying to, like, award winning host of grizznegs podcast found a dumpster dismembered.
- [03:51]
A
See, listen. But you know what? They probably been like, it's because he was light skinned. That sound like some light skinned shit, you know?
- [03:59]
B
Yeah. To be dismembered, right?
- [04:00]
A
To be dismembered.
- [04:04]
B
So Cleveland, Ohio.
- [04:07]
A
Cleveland, Ohio. 216. Specifically East 93rd in St. Clair. Bone Thugs grew up on 99th in St. Clair. Steve Harvey, 125th. St. Clair.
- [04:16]
B
Wake up, wake up, wake up. It is. Yeah, niggas, the first of the month. Real shit. So how are you getting into, like, balancing the career? We was talking before about, like, touring, but I know you've been doing a lot of DJing and stuff too, so walk me through, like, the difference between when it's. When it's pure vocals, which I know is, like, physically draining versus doing the DJ thing.
- [04:43]
A
Touring has so many moving parts, up to at least 10 to 12 moving bodies that we need to accommodate, give or take. Those sets are longer. You got a sound check versus doing the line check. It's just way simpler on my. Way easier on my body when I. When I dj, because I don't have to sing the entire time. I can pop in when I want to. I'm also playing what I want to hear. See, there's a difference between a DJ and then a musician. That DJ's okay because I'm playing what I want to hear, right? What y' all need to hear type shit. So don't come up to my Booth tomorrow. Some. I want to hear it. Get out of my face.
- [05:32]
B
Yeah, please get.
- [05:33]
A
First of all, security.
- [05:34]
B
Yeah.
- [05:37]
A
You know, like, no, I'm. Let me. Let me cook.
- [05:41]
B
And you doing it. It's like a guest appearance type. Like, is it. Is it you? I know you're not just doing a set, you know, they promoting it and rolling it out type stuff.
- [05:50]
A
No, I'm doing just. Just the DJ set.
- [05:52]
B
You just pop in.
- [05:53]
A
I mean. Well, no, we promote it.
- [05:54]
B
Right? Yeah, yeah. So instead of it being like, you warming up for somebody else and stuff, it's like they know they coming to get the Duran Bernard Experience, so ain't no request. For real?
- [06:06]
A
No. Well, there's a difference between the Duran Bernard Experience and then DJ tbd. AKA Bra Coley. No relation to the late great Darryl coley. And the TBD stands for the best DJ. Not that there aren't extraordinary DJs that have paved the way, of course. Just that now I'm on the scene. I am the best.
- [06:21]
B
Okay?
- [06:21]
A
Better than all the rest. Come check on my breasts and my tiny desk.
- [06:27]
B
All right.
- [06:28]
A
And that's the name. You know, you got to say it. The whole thing. Like, you know, like a pimp named Slick Back, you know, Tribe Called Quest. That's the whole name.
- [06:34]
B
Yeah, right. That's a long ass name. It is. Long ass introduction.
- [06:39]
A
It is.
- [06:41]
B
All right, so look, let's say I book you for an event tomorrow to do the dj. How we popping it off?
- [06:50]
A
How we starting off?
- [06:51]
B
How we start it off?
- [06:52]
A
It depends on how I'm feeling. I'm checking out the crowd. If it's a lot of the aunties and the uncles, then I'll start with, like my old school. You know, we'll give a little midnight star, a little BB&Q band, you know, maybe some sad day, and then kind of work our way up. I start like in the. In the 90 bpm area and then we'll work our way up. But if I feel like I'm ready to go, like I did in Baltimore. Cause it rained outside, so we had to bring it in. I just. I just kicked it off with house. Like, I just, just. We ain't even waste no time. Like, let's go on and hit that thing.
- [07:24]
B
That's. When I. When I was in Philly, it was like I was on. I was on stage with Zach. Zach Fox. And he watching him do it, but he doing his own thing. So, like, he not localizing the stuff. He kind of like, this is that Fox experience. But they had the person that Carried it out and he local. Totally different vibe in Philly. Like that's when you start seeing things get their foot working and they, they start working on hills. Like, oh yeah. I was like, oh, this is a vibe. But localizing it do make it like that's how you pull the crowd back in. Yeah. Because they gonna be excited to see you get the experience. Like, okay, this is your taste, everything like that. But I think bringing it back to like what they do locally, that shit just really sealed the deal for them.
- [08:04]
A
Oh yeah, no, it's important to at least, as my late mentor used to say, feed the beast, you know, get folks what they know, what they like, what's popular, you know, and then, yeah, like it maneuvers itself pretty well.
- [08:19]
B
So your pops was an audio engineer, right? And so your first tour that you ever went on was with Earth, Wind.
- [08:26]
A
And Fire as a production assistant.
- [08:28]
B
Yes. Like, let's talk about that. Cause what is that? Cause that's like, that's a crazy take your kids to work day. Yeah, very much, very much, nigga. Cause you know, one can assume that like you already had the talent or you already kind of wanted to go in this direction, having like a parent that's already in the music industry. But how does that translate to like being on tour and like doing the work behind the scenes instead of being forward facing.
- [08:59]
A
I think it's important to have that experience so that you can have an appreciation and understand everything that goes on to make this show happen. From the runners to the production manager to the riggers to lighting to wardrobe. I mean, all those things.
- [09:19]
B
It's a lot of moving parts.
- [09:20]
A
It's a lot of moving parts. And you would think it's a lot of moving parts. Just with mine and it's a, it's a small number. So that was just. Yeah, four or five times that size. I just appreciated the, the layers of how I got to where I am starting behind the scenes and then getting into background and then eventually like doing my own stuff.
- [09:52]
B
Right. So was it always, but even before you went on that tour, was the incentive for your dad to bring you on knowing that you wanted to be an artist?
- [10:01]
A
He. They said they needed a production assistant, so he was like, well, shoot, you can come along for the summer, so on and so forth. But it was a whole lot of other shit that I was doing, like manual labor. There's only been so much they're going to trust a 16 year old with, with like certain documents and paperwork and stuff like that. So it's like, okay, you Set this up, you charge this, you make sure the merch person has this, and so on and so forth. I think it just gives more insight.
- [10:31]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because now when you do your tour, it's like, well, hey, you can't tell me what I should expect. Like, I done seen this on the grandest level because Earth on the Fire. Legendary. You feel me? Like, it's really not many people that can stand next to them. Those are real giants. So however they tour go, that's the way to do it. Yeah.
- [10:52]
A
Or at least it's a really great template to have.
- [10:54]
B
Right.
- [10:55]
A
For sure. For that to be my first experience on the road, even though I've experienced concerts. But we're talking about somebody's camp, Correct. All camps are different. They vary, you know, So I had a good starting point as to how I want to run my business.
- [11:12]
B
For sure. Because it's not even just a one off, it's a tour.
- [11:15]
A
So it's a tour.
- [11:15]
B
It's a traveling thing too. So then at 16, most kids is like, real shit. Most 16 year olds ain't even leaving the neighborhood. And you on what national tour with Earth on the Fire. And. But is that. Was that one. Was that one of the inspirations to become a vocalist or was that already kind of like, this is what I'm doing? And I'm just.
- [11:39]
A
So this was. Music has always been a part of my life.
- [11:44]
B
Correct.
- [11:44]
A
Of the household. I like to say music took me serious before I took it serious type shit. So I felt like pops wanted to at least put me in the environment to see if this is something you want to do. And he thought that I wanted to be an audio engineer. He was like, please not. No, I don't want you. No, not that. But he asked me at the end of the tour, like, is this something that you want to do? And it was never anything I dreamt about or prayed for, but it was something that I said yes to.
- [12:20]
B
Right. Okay. That makes a lot of sense.
- [12:22]
A
Yeah. So. Because it was. And on top of that, I just wanted to see what could come out of putting effort into this. If this is something I'm good at, if I have the support or these resources, Use it, like, figure it out.
- [12:39]
B
Yeah. And I think I was gonna ask you, like, you know, a lot of time we was talking about this nepotism thing. Right. Because this is technically like nepotism. Right. You kind of got the. The doorway in. But the thing that people discredit about nepotism a lot of times is like, there's there's people with raw talent, and sometimes a child of somebody that has access does have the raw talent, but they got the resources to really refine that. So, like, we can call Zoe Kravitz a Nepo baby, but we can't deny blink twice. Like, this is a. And anytime she's on screen, she's amazing. And then when she's behind the scenes, she's amazing. So, yeah, taking advantage of the resources, but not being talented, you might not go far, you might get in a few doors, but there's a difference. When the person that just has that undeniable talent but also has all these resources, which you had, and.
- [13:37]
A
And the work ethic.
- [13:38]
B
And the work ethic, because you didn't start, dang, just Earth went fire, just like. And we present Duran from the Devil probably, man, you know what I'm saying? Like, you had to. You had to work. And I. I think that that's the thing that people discredit a lot is like, even if we talk about, like, Bronny James or like, Bryce, we see them putting in the work, though. You know what I mean? Like, it ain't just like, oh, well, this LeBron James son, we're gonna make him in the. Put them in the NBA. Like, no, you gotta put in the work, too, but you also have to be talented.
- [14:08]
A
Something told someone, my mentor also told me there was a situation where Denzel Washington's son was playing in on foot on the football team or something. And he told the coach, don't go leaning on my son. Like, do not.
- [14:27]
B
Right?
- [14:28]
A
It was more so like a. You bet. Not because he's my son. Like, if anything, go harder.
- [14:32]
B
Right?
- [14:33]
A
You know, so it. There's the. There's the not wanting us to necessarily struggle, but building a discipline of the craft.
- [14:47]
B
And also too, like, because you had the resources, you better be the best. You know what I'm saying? So then there's a more rigorous effort to put in, too, and also something to prove because you kind of coming through a lineage and you creating a. You compounding a legacy. Like, don't fuck the legacy of. You know what I'm saying? Don't fuck the legacy of being garbage, you know what I'm saying? Or being lazy or entitled, you know?
- [15:11]
A
Yeah, I. I personally think there's. But so far that the support can take you before you are putting in your own efforts, you know, so that we can get to the core of who you are. You know, it's like, yeah, you come from this, but who are you correct.
- [15:31]
B
So how do you. How did you deal? I'm a segue this into something else too. But, like, knowing that you have this talent. Cause, like, you undeniable as a vocalist. You know what I'm saying? Like, can't nobody. You showed up on Taint. That's Bobby Proud. You know what I'm saying? Like, you can't just show up Bobby Proud and not come and sing for real. Like, with an A.
- [15:53]
A
So dysfunctional. Can you feel it? Okay.
- [16:00]
B
Real shit.
- [16:00]
A
Please don't play with me.
- [16:02]
B
Nah, bro. Stemming as, like, one of the greatest vocalists.
- [16:09]
A
I just discovered what that was.
- [16:11]
B
This woman ain't even annoying. It's like, nah, get that off.
- [16:13]
A
And I just discovered what that was. Not too long ago, someone had pointed it out while I was on a video that was posted where I was doing a solo with Badu. And I did not know what that meant. But it's interesting, the things that we find out about ourselves just through language. And it's like. Oh, there's a word for that.
- [16:33]
B
Exactly.
- [16:35]
A
So, yeah, I'm gonna get my. I'm gonna. I'm gonna get the shit checked out because I want to know exactly where I am on the spectrum. But once I found out what the five neurodivergent love locutions were, I felt very exposed.
- [16:47]
B
Yeah. So you just put me on, because I don't even know what that means.
- [16:49]
A
Okay, so pretty much, you know how we have the five love languages, right? So there are. There's a neurodivergent version of that. And the categories are info dumping, support swapping. Did I say info dumping?
- [17:08]
B
You did, yes.
- [17:10]
A
Deep pressure, please crush my soul back into my body. Penguin pebbling. And what was that?
- [17:21]
B
What that mean?
- [17:23]
A
Well, penguin pebbling is kind of in the realm of gifts. Ah, hers. But let's say I'm at the beach, and I see a crystallized blue stone, and I'm like, oh, Kyle likes the color blue. I'll get that for Kyle.
- [17:38]
B
Right?
- [17:38]
A
And it's like. It's not the monetary value of it. It's the thought.
- [17:43]
B
It's the thought. Okay, that makes sense.
- [17:45]
A
There was one more. We got info dump. What was the other one? It was. Damn it. I got it. I got them all in my notes. But yes, I read all of those, and I was like, oh, yeah, now this. This is loud. Yeah, very loud. Especially the. The info dumping and the deep pressure.
- [18:06]
B
I'm. I'm with the info dumping and whatever that fifth one you missing is, because I'm telling you, he noticed from being around me. Like, I'm. I'm gonna get a. I'm a. I' ma get in a loop of, like. Like four bars from a song, and I' ma say that shit all day. Like, when we was.
- [18:30]
A
It's the. Not only the head is down, but it's shaped.
- [18:33]
B
It's not gonna stop either. That's how we deal. That's how, like, sometimes I deal with my nerves like that, but, like, even too. Like, Black Rob. No Sean, Bad Boys. I'm gonna get the shippity wabbity shibbidy bobbity. Like, I'm gonna get off on it so I can, like, calm myself.
- [18:49]
A
Yeah.
- [18:50]
B
But the reason why I asked that is because a lot of people have been asking us to go on tours and stuff like that. This is going back to the original question, right? They've been asking us to go on tour, but since we did our first show in Jackson, I realized, like, you can pull it off by yourself, but. But should you.
- [19:08]
A
It's the.
- [19:09]
B
Can you trust the promoter? Can you trust the venue? Absolutely not. So. And, you know, shout out to the fine people.
- [19:17]
A
This is just in general, though, in.
- [19:19]
B
Jackson, but there are so many moving parts, and you need a more professional aspect to come to it. Like, you need tour managers and people that understand that. And like, we here at this production studio, it's so many people that get involved. So we holding off, and we're going to do more intimate things that we can control with minimal production so we can work our way up. And even though people watch the podcast and they know, like, he's undeniable behind that mic, I'm nervous as. As soon as I walk on the stage and I see them eyes, the bees of sweat start forming, I get a little shaky. And I was gonna ask, how do you. How did you deal with that? Because even if you are undeniable with your talent, there is a different aspect to it when it becomes live and the people are watching. You know what I mean?
- [20:08]
A
Yes. So my perspective of that is out of my. I can probably count on one hand how many times I've been nervous. Two times in particular. They were very far away from each other. It was my first gig with Badu. My first gig with her was Coachella.
- [20:36]
B
Right.
- [20:37]
A
Never heard of Coachella.
- [20:38]
B
And that was. Second time you had been on tour. I know you. I know.
- [20:43]
A
No, that was my third tour. So I.
- [20:46]
B
Did you start with Earth, Wind and Fire?
- [20:48]
A
Start with Earth, Wind and Fire. And then I did a. Then I did background for Kanye Doss.
- [20:56]
B
Okay. That's what I was gonna say.
- [20:57]
A
Yeah.
- [20:57]
B
She's.
- [20:58]
A
She's a Cleveland artist. And then right after her, I did.
- [21:02]
B
Background for Erica Badu. Okay. And so you work from production into background. First background is local. Second background is Erykah Badu.
- [21:12]
A
And that's when it started to become, like, international.
- [21:15]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [21:16]
A
But by the time I got with Badu, I was kind of making my own noise, so that's how she found me. I didn't know that she was as savvy on. On the Internet and knowing stuff, you know, so.
- [21:29]
B
Nah, she was. Almost nothing could get past her on Twitter, like, Fat Belly Bella. Like, now she might check ass right on Twitter, man. How has she been, you know, from that tour? How did that impact not only your career, but, like, your mindset towards the industry or, like, what role you play in it? And I'm pretty sure she came as a mentor for you as well.
- [21:55]
A
I always say that the road itself and the music industry, they can operate together, but they're not synonymous. You can be able to tour, but not necessarily meaning that you're in the industry. So I feel like I got introduced to the road first, and then later on, pieces of the industry started to become a part of this picture. I always looked at the industry as, like, I'm industry adjacent. Like, I'm affiliated. Like if. If the industry was Hartford Jackson and I lived, like, in Midtown. Like, I have access to it. I know people who are there who operated all that, but I don't. I'm not in that. I've never had, like, a major label backing me up. You know, I haven't been played on the radio, you know, all day, every day, because, you know, that's a. That is several bags, several kidneys, several right arms, multiple right legs.
- [23:01]
B
Yeah.
- [23:02]
A
To get that in motion.
- [23:04]
B
So I think it's something like. It's just under half a million dollars. I mean, half a million dollars to keep that circulating month to month.
- [23:12]
A
Oh, yeah. But month to month, I. From what I know. And this can be corrected later. I think the starting price was like, a good, like 80k. Just to get one song through. Just one song.
- [23:24]
B
Yeah.
- [23:25]
A
Because not consistently played hour on hour, just.
- [23:28]
B
Just to get it.
- [23:29]
A
Just to get it into the. Yes. Yes. So don't be looking at me crazy when I do something strange for a piece of change. Okay. Because we trying to get this shit off the road. Yeah. It costs a lot to get that done, so.
- [23:41]
B
Yeah. But I will. See, I was thinking about that. So how did you. How do you. So you worked your way kind of out of the nervous stages. Oh, yeah, we talking about nerves just being present. Do you, like, siphon confidence from people who are just so confident on stage?
- [24:02]
A
My confidence comes from my parents, so I'm. I'm secure in myself. And also the other. The other perspective of it is what's there to be nervous about when you are walking into a room full of people that are there to celebrate you? Like, what's. What's the. The nerves for? Also, I got a really good lozenge for you.
- [24:31]
B
Oh, need that. Cause halls ain't doing shit.
- [24:35]
A
Man. There's a lot of my homies that I love dearly that they are just walking birth control. It's like their version of rest and all that is being away from the children.
- [24:50]
B
Yeah.
- [24:50]
A
Being able. They miss sleep. That's why anybody that decides to have kids, I'm just like, you really was like, you know what? Sleep. I don't need you no more, man.
- [24:58]
B
I've been gone two weeks. So it was New Orleans for a week. Then it was. I went to Philly, New York, Delaware, then D.C. that was our last week. I just got back that morning. And so their mama just been with them whole time. And I was like, when I get back, I'm just taking them with me. Like, I'm gonna take them to their grandma house tomorrow. I'm gonna stay in Alabama for a few days too, just to kind of decompress. Cause a lot of human interaction. You know what I'm saying? And I think even too, you know, you gotta think, four months ago, I'm driving trucks, so now I'm like, walking on stages. And people like, hey, Nick. Like. And so it's like autumn eyes hitting me. Because it's like, to go from the Internet to the physical spaces, it just been making me like, damn, yo. This is too real. You know what I mean? Because they excited to see me. I'm excited to see them. And I'm like.
- [25:54]
A
And let that be your center that you focus on. They are excited to see me. There is something about my message and what I have to say that is impacting people in a positive way. Where they would pay their money, set time aside to get babysitters, take off work, whatever, to be there for you.
- [26:14]
B
Right?
- [26:15]
A
They are supporting black business. I don't understand what there is to be nervous about. But. But to offer that perspective, like, when you're walking into that room and it's your shit, they're there to celebrate you.
- [26:27]
B
Absolutely. I appreciate that. Yeah. It took me like, it took me, I did the intro, I did, you know, the first, like, get on stage, you introduce the festival, you tell them what they expect. You tell them what the ins and outs, the do's and don'ts. You introduce the first one once I get off stage and it's like, oh, I gotta go back up though. I was like, oh, I'm good. I got this shit. And I was like, I was nervous as hell. They was like, shit, you ain't showing it. And then when I showed in that part too, I was like, oh, I'm in my head.
- [27:01]
A
I'll share some breathing exercises that my therapist shared with me that will help alleviate any nerves or anxiousness before you go out on stage.
- [27:15]
B
Well, that was supposed to come later, right? But it is, it is men's Mental health month and I want. I had notes about you being in therapy and the decision making verse and the experience that you've had in therapy. Like, what, what kind of signaled you that, like, maybe I need therapy? And what, what are you gaining from it? That's like, I need to maintain this.
- [27:44]
A
My curiosity for self is what inspired me to get into therapy professionally. I always say, you know, I was in therapy unofficially up until 2020, from my elders, you know, other mentors, badu, you know, just people that were very generous with their knowledge and, you know, self awareness about what's going on. So I've always been a sponge. But I decided to get into therapy professionally was because I just wanted to.
- [28:21]
B
Check to see is everything all right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [28:25]
A
You know, I just want to check up under the hood, you know, make sure. Do the tires need to be rotated? Oh, we do need a transmission flush. Got it.
- [28:32]
B
Ride around with that check engine light on. I ain't gonna lie. I ain't gonna lie. My check engine light been on for like two months. See, And I be telling him, like, I'm gonna go to therapy. He be like, yeah, son. And you know what I'll be doing? Drinking.
- [28:45]
A
And see, a lot of us be doing that in our physical bodies, right? Our bodies. That check engine light be flashing and we be like, oh, no, it's all right, I'm good, I'm good. No, you're not.
- [28:56]
B
No, you're not good.
- [28:57]
A
You're coughing up blood. Sir, carry your ass to the emergency room. What are we talking about? You'? Which, by the way, I just gotta say, I told one of my, my homies, I'm literally the best thing that ever happened to him. Because, you know, he's a straight man. You know, bless his heart. And you know, there was just things that he was. How he was moving. It just was not becoming of how a young man should. Could conduct himself. For instance, I asked him when the last time he had got tested and he gave me a. I said, oh.
- [29:38]
B
Yeah, well, you know my.
- [29:40]
A
Well, you know my girl ain't said. I said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. She can't be the one to tell you. No, I was like, matter of fact. I was like, matter of fact, I want to talk to you. You go get tested. And until you get tested, then I'll talk to you. Because I'm not going to be rewarding you with this good friendship. You ain't finna be.
- [29:56]
B
He.
- [29:56]
A
He hate up here telling folks that we friends. And you up here not no handing your business. Absolutely not. I also got him flossing. He done got a bidet now. Cause he came over my house one time and used the bidet. So now he got a bidet. And also I got him fixed for his birthday. I got him a vasectomy. Absolutely.
- [30:19]
B
Oh yeah. See, I've been. See you hitting a lot of.
- [30:22]
A
I got him. I was like, listen, sir, you.
- [30:24]
B
I'm sorry we've been having vasectomy talk lately. Like I've been doing that.
- [30:27]
A
Yeah, yeah.
- [30:27]
B
The.
- [30:27]
A
The. The Sirs have a breeding kink.
- [30:30]
B
Yeah. But it's also that the Sirs.
- [30:32]
A
The Sirs have a breeding kink.
- [30:33]
B
And I just like said it like it was a slur. That's definitely how I'm differentiating between a queer and hetero. From the. Okay, the Sirs. The Sirs do be wild. Listen, as a fellow sir.
- [30:56]
A
Yeah.
- [30:56]
B
Sometimes I be tripping.
- [30:58]
A
Listen.
- [30:59]
B
But I think. And I think that that's a good entry point too. Like I think a lot of times with men, especially straight men, we won't experience any avenues towards self care until we deal with a woman. So to have a gay best friend. Maybe an easier entry point if your mindset is more progressive or anything like that.
- [31:23]
A
Because at the end of it all, I'm still a man.
- [31:25]
B
Exactly.
- [31:26]
A
Like there's still testosterone. Like the estrogen might be there, but also like nigga.
- [31:30]
B
Yeah.
- [31:30]
A
I mean business.
- [31:31]
B
Exactly. You know, but the self care, like that's something I know from my cousin, my cousin gay. I got a few people that I just have dealt with that's on all type of sexual spectrums and things like that. That's why like at Greasonaires we always talk about like it's for everybody black. We don't do no exclusion. This ain't just for straight black men. I think the community benefits a lot more when we're more progressive about how people show up, because we can learn so much from each other, you know what I mean? And then being hetero and, like, the masculine identity has become more of an ideology than a practice. So it's like we kind of limit ourselves to, like, certain behaviors, certain ways of thinking, and, you know, like just 10 years ago, if you go get a pedicure, nigga, oh, you on some gay shit. And now I got him getting pedicures.
- [32:25]
A
I got him getting manicures, too.
- [32:26]
B
Extremely common. Now I was like, nigga, if I'm.
- [32:28]
A
A bad bitch and that nigga, you gon be too.
- [32:31]
B
Okay, but I want to ask you, though, because I was, like, excited to hear that you wanted to come sit down with me. But, like, what about this platform that I've built made you feel confident in being in the space with us, like, just as heterosexual men?
- [32:46]
A
Well, I felt like you were one of the unproblematic ones. You know, anything that you had to say when you spoke, it was very eloquent. It was thought out, you were in your right mind. It was concise. It was solution oriented within the rebuke. You know, it's like, I gotta get my. There's a song on the Bloom album, Cops, and I say we're extensions and reflections of each other. I keeps my word and I keeps my brother. So you're not gonna be out here cutting up and acting a certain way, and we're supposed to be extensions of one another, right? And the only way we can do that is to have the conversation. Just because we're having a disagreement doesn't mean it's an argument real. You know, the one lady just mentioned that on social media. I'm like, yes, man.
- [33:41]
B
My old lady had explained that to me once. Like, I was like, all you want to do is argument, argue. And she was like, we're not arguing. She's like, you just don't like that I'm coming to you about some shit you did, and maybe you ain't in the space to hear it. Maybe I didn't approach it the right way, but we still finna talk about it. So gather.
- [34:00]
A
What was the turning point for you? Cause I've been trying to figure out and get to the root of the disdain that certain straight men in particular have for women. And I'm trying to figure out where it stems from, and we have to go to the origins of certain things. And this is not to deter. Because I like when we can stay on subject when we're talking about one thing. Let's stick to it. And then also we need to figure out how we got here. Cause as my therapist said, and I had to get the tattoo on me. The action is never the reason.
- [34:39]
B
Right, right, right. Yeah. I mean, I've been discussing this lately, and I've saved this entire conversation for when we reintroduced the podcast. We've been on, like, a little hiatus, handling some business. But when it comes to black people, we specifically like to look at behaviors and not cause and effects, not minds and hearts, only behavior. And when you think do things like that, black and white, then you gather a bunch of information that's like, kind of useless because only thing it can do is form stereotypes or harmful stereotypes at that. I think the turning point for me was for when I'm raised up like my dad, me and him have a relationship. He was present in the household until I was, like, 13, before him and my mama split. But my dad was more so, like, present in provisionary stance.
- [35:30]
A
Gotcha.
- [35:31]
B
So there wasn't really a lot of emotion. There wasn't a lot of conversation. He's like that silent security, you know? I mean, like, I felt very safe when my dad was around, but I don't know nothing about him.
- [35:40]
A
Right, right.
- [35:40]
B
You know, I know you go to work every day, but I don't see any, like, personality. I don't. I don't know nothing about the man. So the people that was very, like, vocal in my life, the people that were very, like, always pushing me to, like, fulfill my potential, was my mom and my grandma. When my mama couldn't do it, my grandma did it. When my grandma. First of all, my grandma could never not do it. Like, I was a granny, baby. Like, I love my grandma, but me and my mama started butting heads a lot more when I got older, so it's a lot of wisdom that I gained from them. So, like, I always talk about time and a place. Time and a place for everything. Pick and choose your battles. I get that shit directly from my mama and grandma. And when I got older, I had my own kids. And things that I used to reject from them started becoming more prevalent in my life. Like, they start clicking. Like the seeds that they planted started blooming. And I even read the Bible and stuff like that, too. And in the Bible, when wisdom was described as a woman or, like a feminine, it really made me turn my mentality towards, like, how I was viewing women. And, yeah, I don't want to fuck my mom and grandma, so I'm not. So I don't treat them like that. But, like, why do I treat all the other women as just sexual objects? And it just kind of like, started shaving. I was like. I started talking to women more in the sense of just seeing where they was at with it instead of just trying to fuck some. And it. Shit, it helped me a lot because women as friends are, like, really, like, loving, caring, present. You know what I'm saying?
- [37:18]
A
Top tier.
- [37:19]
B
And so, like, it's like, okay, how can I. It actually kind of like started several relationships I was having when I was, like, in my younger 20s, because I try to take those approaches with my homies. Like, bro, what's going on? Like, how you feeling? Really, really hold my homeboy accountable for some fuck shit that he did. Not accepting, like, abusive behaviors, all the cheating, stuff like, things like that. But it was like, what make me feel better about myself. But it's also like, okay, but I do the same they do. I just ain't got nobody to hold me to account. So then it's like, well, yeah, gotta take inventory. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, okay, it's not so much like. And that's why I be kicking it. Like, I don't think I'm better than you. I'm a piece of, too. You know what I'm saying? Like, I have been a piece of before. I have been foul to women before. I don't. I know I don't hurt plenty of women. I done did some fuck shit to my homeboy before, but I want to be better. And I'm going to grow to be better. But that's going to start with first me dealing with myself, and then I'll be more comfortable approaching, you know what I'm saying? Because the easiest thing you could do is to flip, like, if I talk to my homeboy, like, man, come on, bro. Like, don't be stepping out on y'. All. You cheating on your girl all the time. It's like, you can't be the pot calling the kettle black.
- [38:33]
A
I mean, we been there a few times, you know what I'm saying?
- [38:36]
B
So, like, as I grown and mature, the disdain came from, like, all you need is information. You need information, you need experience, but you also need, like, to be receptive to stuff. And it's like, I'm 34, bro. I'll be 35 in a few weeks. Why do you keep.
- [38:51]
A
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
- [38:56]
B
Sorry. You was waiting on something. You a asshole. For real. He was just waiting on something. He was like, I'm gonna get that damn off at some point in this interview. But I knew that I can't truly have a disdain for something if I practice it.
- [39:14]
A
Yeah.
- [39:15]
B
But when I don't and I see it for what it really is, it's like. And you like the inventory of the mentality behind. Why you think, like, it's just like, is that me? It's purely a lack of education, for sure, but it's also a lack of experience. And so, like, you hate things you ain't never been through, you know what I'm saying?
- [39:34]
A
Or you hate the things that you haven't had access to.
- [39:36]
B
Haven't had access to. Like, you want to experience it, but you can't.
- [39:39]
A
So it's like, it's hating up. It's hating from outside the club.
- [39:43]
B
Real shit.
- [39:43]
A
I didn't hate it from outside the club. I don't got hated my club then got hated on.
- [39:48]
B
Yeah. That's why I never speak from a place of like, it's never like, hatred, you know what I'm saying? I think niggas going to take it like that because they feel like they told me and stepped on. But it's like, nah, bro, I've been there, bro. Like, only reason I'm qualified to even.
- [40:02]
A
Think about speaking overqualified. How am I? Sorry, sorry, sorry. Jesus.
- [40:09]
B
Nah, it's fine. Yes, you weren't qualified, right? Yeah, but it's like the thing that made me turn the corner, too is like, I'm so damn. I was so damn selfish. I'm thinking about myself all the time, you know what I'm saying? And I never equated that to everybody else. Like, I thinking, like, I'm thinking about myself all the time, and so is everybody else. Everybody's thinking about me. Once I kind of turn the corner, nobody stand you like that. Like, you can chill out for real. Like, the world really don't revolve around. But, like, I think it just come from, like, gaining a lot of independence as a child. You kind of start feeling like an adult way before you supposed to feel like it. And when the immaturity of, like, feeling like an adult make everything about you, like, I'm grown, I'm mature, I know what I'm doing. It's a lot. It's like ego, you know what I mean?
- [41:06]
A
Those that rock in the hard place that we find ourselves in, being too old to do that, but not old enough to do this and I tell people all the time. My mom made my. My environment as a kid, kid friendly. So I wasn't in a rush to grow up because it wasn't a do as I say, not as I do. Be seen and not heard. Your opinion don't matter. Your feelings don't matter. You don't pay no bills here. You can do this when you get out. Get your own house. And there was so much room for questions. My mom always told me, if you don't know something, ask, and nothing's off limits. So I would even ask her certain things. You know, why do I have to do X, Y and Z? Or why do we have to go there? And it wasn't met with because. Because I said so. Because that doesn't leave any room for understanding. If anything, that creates subservience. It also creates the people pleasing, you know, and that people pleasing spirit, my.
- [42:15]
B
God, I'm telling you. Or it creates mischief and defiance.
- [42:22]
A
I mean, we like a little mischief.
- [42:24]
B
But that was me because the. The Everything you described me, your mama wasn't. Is what my folks was. So, like, even though I got all this wisdom and everything from my mother and grandmother, they was very much traditional. Be seen, not heard, do as I say, not as I do and shit like that. And it just made me like, well, fuck y'. All. Like, really, any type of authority. I'm like, I don't fuck with authority. Yeah, but it takes you to get out or have more experiences.
- [42:47]
A
No, like, well, there's a way in which authority can present itself. Like, if you're going to rear your authority with making sure that we understand respect versus fear, then we can get somewhere. Because fear. Respect is. If I disappoint my father, that is going to hurt me because I don't want him disappointed in me. Fear is I might need to get up out of here sooner than later because he might go too far. And it's gonna be. I'm gonna be pushing up, like, you know what I'm saying?
- [43:25]
B
Like, be able to pay type shit.
- [43:27]
A
Yeah. So it's. But also you're considering what mindset that comes from. And not everyone is. Comes into this with patience, with understanding, with certain empathy, you know, because they weren't given that and they might not.
- [43:44]
B
Be having that for themselves. That's why, like, I don't hold no grudges. Cause it's like, I kind of know what kind of household you grew up in. I'm talking about against my foes.
- [43:56]
A
Okay, Okay. I was about to say, like, there.
- [43:57]
B
Could Be room for a grudge. No, no, I'm talking about just one. Yeah, no. Oh, oh, no. I'm a.
- [44:05]
A
Don't hold it too hard. Cause you know your finger's gonna get cramped.
- [44:08]
B
The girl's gonna say it's cause I'm a counselor, you know what I'm saying? The homegirl's gonna say it's cause I'm a cancer. But like, if I'm done with you, that shit is done. You probably won't exist to me. And I ain't never gonna let that shit go. But that's the cancer shit. Yeah, I'm just not gonna let it go. And then when people ask, like, oh, why you don't fuck with such and such. Glad you asked.
- [44:30]
A
Since we're on the subject.
- [44:32]
B
I think with my folks, with my parents, it's like understanding their environment and how that environment affected they mind. I just know, like, you know, I'm gonna take what I learned from them that I feel like benefited me. Good. But the way your parents or your mother specifically chose to parent you, that's how I parent my kids. So people, like, it's hard too, being around like the elders. And like, I'm like, hey, man, go do this, do that. Woo, woo, woo. And they'd be like, why this is black? Because this is. And they're like, you don't gotta explain yourself to him. These child. I was like, well, I do have to explain myself to him because he asked that.
- [45:07]
A
That. Also. Also, I would just like to say ever since I was able to conceptualize language, there was something that my mother shared with me. And if I ever. If I ever did want children, I would absolutely use this phrase on them. And it is. I'm absolutely one of your friends, just not one of your little ones. Because she understood. I need you to be able to talk to me. I need you to be able to share with me if you are ever in trouble. I need you to trust me to know that I have your back. So absolutely, I'm your friend, just not one of those. And so even at that age, I understood that there are certain people that you can do certain things with and certain folks that you can't. Like, I poke people. Like, I be poking folks. Not everybody likes to be poked. So that doesn't mean that I'm not being myself. You know, we just have to allocate that where it's okay, right? You know?
- [46:08]
B
Yeah, you gotta figure out where the boundary is too. Cause, like, even with my sons, I tell them, like, I ain't Here, like right now, I'm present as your father. I'm not trying to be your friend. I'm trying to make you into the type of man I would want to be friends with. So if we can get there and like, you got questions, I answer if you go through, like my kids, you know, I got a teenager and a tween agent boys, so they really on some feisty, like, emotional shit. My son butted me one time at 13, I was like, hey, I feel you. Like, I just need you to deflate your chest a little bit, bro, so we can talk just a little bit. I understand, I understand the emotion. I know we yet with it, but real, if you're gonna do something, gonna do it. If not, just gonna place yourself and listen. Let's have a conversation. And he was like, when he let.
- [47:01]
A
That go, I love that. Because you can't. Because if you meet them with that same.
- [47:05]
B
Because what I'm gonna do, like, yeah, bust a mood.
- [47:08]
A
It's like, what are we doing?
- [47:09]
B
13? Yeah, I'm 34. I'm going to beat a 13 year old up also too. That's my son. I don't even desire to harm you physically like that. So I think, you know, your parents played a significant role in not only like giving you the experience in your career, but also building up trust and confidence within yourself to be able to pursue this career unapologetically. Because I'm pretty sure, like, dealing with heterosexual men in the industry can't be easy all the time.
- [47:39]
A
Dealing with them in life, period, is. Is. Is a lot. I will say. There are four men in my life, Kylan, R.J. patrick and Tyrell. And they're all on different spectrums of personality. And I remember sharing with them once that because they know I love them hard. And I was saying that they were instrumental in my healing from the trauma that I've experienced at the hand of black straight men. And it was. It was a moment where someone asked me, do you do identify with being black or your sexuality first? And this was before I had my. I was more far along in the healing journey with that because I've never been called a nigga to my face, but I've been called plenty of sissies and faggots by other boys who look.
- [48:47]
B
Just like me, right?
- [48:48]
A
So it was like, I ain't really had no holla for that. You know, my allegiance didn't rest there. However, these. These men have helped me in such a way. Like, I like, I'll get a little emotional when I talk about Them too much. These are also men that I would absolutely introduce to my homegirls. If you got more men in your life that you would not introduce to your homegirls, you need to take inventory because I'm not gonna be throwing them to the wolves.
- [49:18]
B
Right.
- [49:19]
A
You know, them niggas where the hoes that I know you got all the ho.
- [49:25]
B
Terrible approach.
- [49:26]
A
Yeah, very. So.
- [49:28]
B
Yeah, but so in my experience, you know, colloquially that ask about the hoes have none.
- [49:37]
A
But that isn't true statement. My bad. No, go ahead.
- [49:40]
B
I had a gay roommate in college.
- [49:43]
A
And when I tell you he brought all the women to the dorm room.
- [49:46]
B
All the women.
- [49:47]
A
So it is a true statement. You do. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. There's a quality that comes with, you know, men that use baby wipes. Amen. You know?
- [49:58]
B
Yeah, I got the dude wipes on dick.
- [50:01]
A
Listen, you got. You got to.
- [50:03]
B
You got to, bruh. That's in my travel.
- [50:05]
A
When's the last time you got a facial?
- [50:08]
B
About a month ago. Okay, that's lovely, but real talk, it was my first time and I was like, oh, I'm doing this like quarterly.
- [50:15]
A
Oh, yeah, no, we gotta start somewhere.
- [50:17]
B
Shorty had me feeling. I like, first of all, that's an outer body experience. You think you sleeping, but you really like floating above your bed. Above the bed. I was like, oh, this is crazy.
- [50:28]
A
Yeah, this is crazy.
- [50:30]
B
Why haven't I been did this shout out to my lawyer? Cause she was like, you need to fucking relax. I'm gonna book you a spa day so you can relax.
- [50:39]
A
You'd be surprised how much you do.
- [50:41]
B
You stretch?
- [50:42]
A
No, you should stretch.
- [50:45]
B
Yeah.
- [50:46]
A
Cause one thing that our elders definitely miss is their mobility. They wish they could. And that your posture, you better, man.
- [50:57]
B
I was driving them trucks for five years, bro. I get it.
- [51:00]
A
It's just.
- [51:01]
B
I got it.
- [51:01]
A
Even if you got to see a chiropractor, some kind of. But stretching will do you some good.
- [51:07]
B
I'm in the self care. I'm in a self care, like, entryway right now. You know what I'm saying?
- [51:13]
A
And I'm glad that you said life and not era, because era is a passing movement.
- [51:16]
B
Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no. Yeah.
- [51:18]
A
Soft girl, era. Soft life.
- [51:19]
B
Yeah, yeah. I'm in the entryway of that, you know what I'm saying? Cuz it's like, I do realize how important that it's like crazy enough before. As much as I worked and interacted with people over the last two weeks, I would normally just be like, all right, well, that was a lot But I'mma get right back to it. I told bro, like straight up, like, I'm just going to go to Alabama. And I know out there, I'm in the country, I ain't gonna see nobody for four, five days but my grandma. So I'm gonna go out and my kids and I'm gonna go out there and decompress. I'm gonna shut the phone off. I'm just gonna get my mind right, you know what I'm saying? Might eat a little mushrooms, you know what I'm saying?
- [51:56]
A
Okay. A little psilocybin.
- [51:58]
B
You look a little psilocybin, dad. You know what I mean? Have a good night.
- [52:02]
A
That's what this is right here, the components.
- [52:05]
B
Yeah. And I do donate that a lot to like me taking myself out my own way, you know what I'm saying? My experience with psychedelics. So yeah, but I just like taking care of yourself. It's like the men that come before me ain't never thought about taking care of themselves. And it's like, damn, you see how it end? It end at 47 a lot of times.
- [52:31]
A
Technically we're middle aged.
- [52:33]
B
Yeah, yeah, exactly. How old are you?
- [52:36]
A
I'll be 37 this year.
- [52:37]
B
Damn.
- [52:38]
A
I know, but I still got my youth. My inner child is still very present.
- [52:46]
B
Said damn to me like, and he older than me.
- [52:48]
A
Listen, I know, right, right. Listen, listen, listen. I went to Glenn, Deb, Patrice Thompson, chat GPT. And so, all right, so I went, I went, I went to her, I went to Glenn that. And I said, can you create a 20 question quiz for me to determine how old my inner child is? And the results I got back, it says that I'm between 13, 12 and 13. And it says, you know, I'm still curious about life, I enjoy experiences and there's still a little bit of edge there. Not ready to grow up just yet. Which is a good thing.
- [53:35]
B
Right.
- [53:37]
A
But still has wonder about learning. And you know, and I was like, that actually is.
- [53:43]
B
Yes. People tell me that a lot. I hear it a lot. Like, as mature as I am on some stances, I'm very ignorant and immature about a lot of things still. Because I like to have fun.
- [53:54]
A
Well, you don't know what ignorant means, right? Just not knowing it means lack of knowledge.
- [53:58]
B
Yeah, lack of knowledge.
- [53:59]
A
So you can be facetious or you.
- [54:01]
B
Okay, maybe I'm more facetious about that. Yeah, yeah. Not ignorant and also ignorant in like how in the hood use it.
- [54:07]
A
Like, I know we, but words do matter. Absolutely. Just like, just like when folks be Saying, oh, you're so humble. Please do not call me that. Yeah, I hate that word.
- [54:17]
B
Yeah.
- [54:19]
A
I was about to say, like, that's what nice means. Nice means naive.
- [54:23]
B
Humble.
- [54:23]
A
The dictionary definition of the word humble means to make a low or modest estimate of one's own importance.
- [54:29]
B
Well, that's when I. That's what I. When I found out what weird meant by definition, I was like, oh, yeah, you can keep calling me weird. I'm cool with that. But I was talking to name drop Absol the other day.
- [54:45]
A
Okay, okay.
- [54:46]
B
But we had, like, a little serendipitous moment, and I was like, that's crazy. Like, you know, just talking. He was like, don't say it's crazy. Say it's beautiful. He changed my mentality.
- [54:56]
A
Yeah.
- [54:57]
B
So, like, same thing. What you doing? Just change your mentality around the words you use. Right. But people will say, like, you need to grow up. And it's like, grown up people die that.
- [55:08]
A
That we want to grow up so bad. Oh, it's a trap. Here's the thing.
- [55:14]
B
That's the first great setup, man.
- [55:16]
A
Man, I grow up.
- [55:18]
B
I want to be grown. Yes.
- [55:20]
A
Shout out to Shaheen, our favorite social media therapist.
- [55:27]
B
Oh, that's the homie.
- [55:28]
A
Yeah, yeah. He said something to the degree of when you start viewing your inner child as your child, you have completely different conversations with yourself. When you are triggered, you know what part of you is triggered, and you will tend to that version of you that needs to be advocated for. So, for instance, there was a situation where a homie did something where he triggered my inner child. And I kind of spent the whole day kind of just like, going through that internally. And I got home, and before I walked into the house, I heard the ice cream man, and I was like, oops. I was like, you want some ice cream? And it was like, yes.
- [56:20]
B
Ah, I see.
- [56:21]
A
So it was like, okay, let's get you some ice cream. Let's. Let's make sure that I can tend to you internally. And then the adult self, I can start to, you know, work from the. From the inside out.
- [56:32]
B
That's real.
- [56:32]
A
But, yeah, that was a shout out.
- [56:34]
B
To TikTok, though, because I've learned so much. Like, the. The thing about. It's not about growing up. It's about getting back. Like, we sacrifice a lot of who we really are to try to be more mature, you know, I mean, be more grown up. But the thing that I realized is, like, the more I go back and listen to music that I listen to as a kid, watch shows I watched as a kid, me and Big Cat, we big wrestling fans. And we go back, we'll watch the wrestling matches. Like, bruh, I feel so much more like myself, but also very confident and also very. Like, the things that you would normally say, like, no, I don't fuck with that. I don't watch that. I don't do that. Like, yeah, it's. You be like, nah. Yeah, confidently. I do fuck with that. Confidently. Like, yeah. I listen to this and it's like, yeah, n. I'm finna. We finna get in the whip. And I'm finna put on corn freak on a leash.
- [57:29]
A
Come on, now.
- [57:30]
B
We gonna lose our fucking.
- [57:32]
A
That's my. What?
- [57:36]
B
We're gonna lose our minds.
- [57:37]
A
Absolutely.
- [57:39]
B
I'm having bad thoughts today. Put the papa roach on.
- [57:41]
A
Yes.
- [57:42]
B
Yeah. I'm gonna cut my life into pieces, nigga. Yeah, we finna do that.
- [57:45]
A
And grill him while we.
- [57:46]
B
Oh, shit. Jeffrey Dahmer's entered the chat.
- [57:53]
A
When folks be talking about something, I wanna have all these kids. I wanna create a legacy. I was like, oh, yeah? Well, what if your legacy was Jeffrey Dahmer?
- [58:00]
B
Real shit, though, what? They're like. And I think I be talking about this a lot more lately, too. The legacy being tied to, like, some monetary value instead of like, your father has a great legacy with you and your mother has a great legacy with you. Not because of your successes, but because.
- [58:18]
A
Of who you are, because of who they were to each other in front of me.
- [58:23]
B
Real talk.
- [58:24]
A
So now I've. Ever since I was a child, I've seen my parents hug and kiss each other. They hug and kiss me. My dad still takes my mom out on dates.
- [58:36]
B
Yeah. Standard.
- [58:37]
A
Standard. And it's no over the top craziness. It's the thought that. It's the little moments of impact that I would say, like, you charge it to your emotional credit card and then you pay that shit off in time.
- [58:51]
B
Right. It's complete and consistent love, though. It's not love, like, completed. Yeah, get that off. Because that's real.
- [59:00]
A
Yes.
- [59:03]
B
I never want my kids to question my love for them. Like, I'm a hugging and kissing dad, you know what I'm saying? All day. And also, too, I'm not letting you get the angst out. Like, you ain't gonna be angsty with me if I say I love you. You be like, all right. I said I love you.
- [59:19]
A
I said. I said I love you.
- [59:21]
B
Say it back.
- [59:22]
A
Yeah.
- [59:22]
B
Cause I need to feel it, too. And I tell them that, like, when you don't Say it back. It hurt my feelings.
- [59:26]
A
Yeah.
- [59:27]
B
So let me get that. You know what I'm saying? Even if you just mumble it.
- [59:30]
A
And also, too. Can we just. I just want to put this out there. Since we're on the subject of parenthood and children. An apology is just that, an apology. It is not. Oh, you hungry? It's not. Oh, here your phone back. An apology is an apology.
- [59:45]
B
Yeah.
- [59:46]
A
Is.
- [59:46]
B
An apology is I apologize for my behavior. You know what I'm saying? Not, I apologize for how I made you feel.
- [59:54]
A
Yeah.
- [59:54]
B
I apologize because what I did.
- [59:57]
A
Now, here's the other thing. I always felt. This is nothing in my. In my imaginary world of parenthood, I don't know if I would want to force my kids to say sorry for something that they're not sorry for.
- [60:11]
B
That's true, too. I don't much do that.
- [60:13]
A
I think, if anything, this is what you did, and this is the result of this, how you made this person feel. In my mind, until you feel apologetic, you know, you can go sit over there without the game. Maybe. I don't know.
- [60:35]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [60:35]
A
But just. But I don't want to force you to do anything.
- [60:37]
B
I don't tell my kids you should apologize. Because I've noticed that sometimes they won't. And I'm like, well, shit, that mean he ain't sorry or she ain't sorry.
- [60:48]
A
But you make it about to be a lie.
- [60:50]
B
But I will say with like, my daughter, I tell her, stop being so damn sorry. Don't be sorry for everything. Because the boys is like, hey, like that shit.
- [61:04]
A
Like, well, there's a difference between being sorry and apologizing. And my mother always told me, she was like, you are not sorry.
- [61:10]
B
Yeah, well. Because real talk, though, I'm not sorry. Cause I tell my mom I'm sorry, she be like, I know you. Y.
- [61:16]
A
That.
- [61:16]
B
See right there?
- [61:17]
A
That's a.
- [61:18]
B
That made me.
- [61:18]
A
I'm sorry. I. Oh, yeah, you at you about the sorce. I've never seen like, you. Anybody can use that.
- [61:23]
B
So.
- [61:23]
A
No.
- [61:24]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You look. I think the name of this podcast is going to be Words Matter.
- [61:30]
A
Words Matter. Yes.
- [61:33]
B
Go get your ass. I have something for you, man. Okay. Because I want to. We working through some more emotional stages. All right. So my questions ain't gonna go in sync.
- [61:44]
A
I gotcha.
- [61:44]
B
On generous. You stated that if you only knew the violence I had to endure to become this con and this gentle. And then you was just like, you don't even know. You don't even know where. Where Were you at with that? Like, what were you reflecting on when you made that statement? Because you also started. Then you went into like, I won't become what I've been through. And like, what does that mean to you? And why was it important to. To start the album like that?
- [62:12]
A
Generous got fleshed, was presented to me, already fleshed out. And then I wrote the ending mantra. It just. It is an opener. Like, if we're talking about a album about growth, about de centering romantic love, to talk about the support we have from our communities and our tribes. But more so starting with self, it just.
- [62:41]
B
It.
- [62:42]
A
There wasn't any other way to open the project.
- [62:46]
B
Great opening.
- [62:47]
A
Thank you. Thank you. Now this is probably. This is my most vulnerable piece of work that I've done because I was writing a lot of this in real time. Some of these things I was going.
- [62:58]
B
Through and it transitions like, very. I'll say. Generous was like a real lasso. Like, all right, I got you. Because after that, you don't want to. Like, you ain't. Ain't no skiffing. You just like, let me hear this man out. Let me hear what he going through. Cause he going through some shit.
- [63:12]
A
Listen, I got y' all four different movements in six minutes and everybody's like, that don't even. It doesn't even feel like six minutes.
- [63:17]
B
Yeah, the songs are long. And I'll attest to that.
- [63:20]
A
Like, I mean, listen, at some point or another, we got into a, what I call the interlude era. And I feel like it started with Rihanna when she did Birthday Cake. And it was a minute and 30 something seconds. And it's like, whoa, where's the rest of the song? And then Beyonce came out with Yonce. That was a 2 minutes and 13 seconds. Then there was like two other artists that did these short dope ass interludes. And then when streaming really became a thing, was like, oh, those songs are getting the most streams. So of course, the more streams you get, the shorter on the song.
- [64:01]
B
That's how I felt about Madonna by Drake.
- [64:04]
A
Yeah. So how long is that song?
- [64:05]
B
I think it's just under two minutes.
- [64:07]
A
Yeah. And I'm. And I'm just like, I miss. I get it. I understand the. The monetary approach to making songs that short. However, we're losing the quality of the stories, right? Instead of. It's not even a story anymore. It's a. It's a thought. It's a quick thought. We in and out.
- [64:26]
B
But it's like it leave you wanting more. But while that is good marketing wise, make the song. Yeah, like, turn it into a song. Where's the bridge?
- [64:35]
A
Yeah, we need. We need a bridge.
- [64:36]
B
Let.
- [64:37]
A
Let the drums and the bass breathe for a moment.
- [64:42]
B
Right.
- [64:42]
A
Like, I missed that. So I wanted to bring that back. And nobody complained. Usually folks would be like, damn, these.
- [64:51]
B
Songs is like long.
- [64:52]
A
They're like, no, we're glad that you are bringing back four and five minute songs.
- [64:58]
B
Absolutely.
- [64:58]
A
And I'm not just holding you there for the sake of holding you there. Like, there is a reward for sticking around for the whole song. There is a key change, there is a bridge. There is another segue that goes into something else. Like, it keeps you. The ear is always anticipating what is next.
- [65:18]
B
Yeah, yeah. No, because at some halfway point through the intro, it don't even feel like the same song. And then the bridge comes and then you. Like when you made that statement, it really. It really hit something for me because it was like, I don't. I won't ever have, like, regrets or like, wish I didn't go through certain things because of who I am.
- [65:41]
A
Yeah, yeah.
- [65:42]
B
It's like, okay, well, you know, unfortunately, some hard circumstances make you who you are, but it. But you don't. But you also don't want to remove who you are. So it's like I. I had to go through that. And it's certain things that I think we, like when we get religious about shit and it's like, well, God took you through that, so you can be. This is like, well, sometimes we excuse them like some bad behavior on other people. Sometimes we excuse them like, God ain't have to sit you down in jail. You know what I'm saying? He could have set you down somewhere else beside jail also, too.
- [66:16]
A
I'm always curious, why is it that God only meets us when we are in turbulent times?
- [66:24]
B
Real shit.
- [66:25]
A
Like, I thought about Chris Rock brought that up. Like, God never shows up while you on courtside at the game on your date with Halle Berry.
- [66:34]
B
Yeah, he show up when you in.
- [66:35]
A
Court, you know, when you in court.
- [66:37]
B
Showing up when you in court, it's a little strange, you know, it's just little things that make the mind go. You know what I'm saying? But I. I think so. Like, I be as much of a hip hop fan as I am in certain spaces. I just can't listen to it. So, like, I went through like this phase a few months ago where I was listening to like, just straight teddy pentagrams, like, with my mama listen to and like, bro, first of all, you. My latest and my Greatest really make you want to be in love for real. Like. But think about the song and all the transitions it take you, you I by. Even if it's five, six minutes, you damn near don't want it to end. It's like n. You can get somebody. You can get four more minutes up out of this. But was the inspiration behind that kind of like. I mean, first tour, Earth, Wind and Fire, you've witnessed some of the greatest music ever made and it be that length. So is that a part of it that goes into like, I'mma really fully flesh this song out. And then also is it kind of like challenging the norm of it being.
- [67:50]
A
Microwave music first and foremost, I long to make music like Earth, Wind and Fire that will outlive me that you cannot escape from in. In a. In a healthy way.
- [68:03]
B
Right. It's a cookout standard.
- [68:06]
A
It is very much. You can play it on a commercial, you know, anywhere, all ages. I just. I just. I just told the team I didn't want to do any songs that were under three minutes. I was like, I've had enough of that. I have complete stories that I want to tell, and y' all gonna have to listen. I don't. And I don't have anything to prove at this point. We still have much to to discover about ourselves. But as far as proving that I'm worth 76 minutes worth of album.
- [68:41]
B
No, I'm not y'. All. This.
- [68:42]
A
It's. Trust me, you are going to be fed.
- [68:45]
B
No, you're gonna listen.
- [68:46]
A
You're gonna listen.
- [68:47]
B
Yeah. Yeah. I think having the greatest tiny bit disc. Having the most original tiny disc. And then just people. Early, Early Soulja Boy was. Talk about being. Doing it first. But very early YouTube viral sensation.
- [69:04]
A
I mean, listen, we. It's. That's almost 20, 20 years. In two years, you feel me?
- [69:10]
B
You've been. You've been at the pulse of a lot of different movements. And how did. Also too. Did you ever have to disconnect from the view count and the subscriber count and things like that? Because, you know, that's like a lot of. Even companies. Even corporations put all their value into that. Now, how is it for you that you're early to this idea of followers and views? How do you disconnect yourself from that?
- [69:40]
A
I think when it. A couple things sat in for me. One, if you see that someone has 22500 followers, that's not. That's not a lot of followers. But if you put two 2500 people at tabernacle.
- [70:04]
B
But I'm telling you, that thing is packed. That's packed.
- [70:07]
A
Which, by the way, I sold it out, by the way, on my tour.
- [70:10]
B
Talk about it. Talk about it.
- [70:12]
A
2,252 people in one room. That's a lot of people.
- [70:17]
B
It's a lot of people.
- [70:19]
A
So I think when we go off of, oh, I only have this amount. Put that number, like, actually see how much that is. And like, see how many people that is in front of you. And we'll see if it's not a lot.
- [70:32]
B
Yeah, but even our first show, six. No. Was 100 people. Just like 85 to 100 people.
- [70:40]
A
Now if you were one. Now if you were a gorilla.
- [70:47]
B
A.
- [70:48]
A
Hundred people is a listen. That's a lot of people.
- [70:51]
B
And also too, it wasn't low lit. I could see everybody.
- [70:56]
A
You could see everybody.
- [70:58]
B
I'm telling Big Cat was looking at me. I'm like, I'm recording. We laughing. I'm like this the whole time. It took me like 15 minutes. But the thing is, is like, I'm not a comedian, but I know I like to loosen people up with laughter right before we get into this serious stuff. Like, let's, you know, relax your shoulders, my nigga. Like, you know, we in a town hall meeting. We ain't got no pitchforks over here. We just go. We just here to talk, converse, do some healing, change some perspectives and then love on each other. Right? So when the. When the jokes start hitting and Ferg can attest to this because first a comedian too. But when them jokes hit and you get that laughter, it really do relax you. Because I know, like, for my own nerves, I got a joke. You know what I'm saying? Just I'm a loosen myself up too. Yeah. But once I see everybody else relax, I can get in my bag now, but that's 85 to 100 people was like, woof. And then the other night we did the show and we talking about 275 people. That's a lot of folks. You can't just walk through that.
- [72:03]
A
No.
- [72:03]
B
You know, you can't just walk through 270. You gotta excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. It's a lot of maneuvering. So 2500.
- [72:12]
A
Yeah, yeah.
- [72:14]
B
Cause we times 10. And I think that's what made me stop think like after. After we went to that show and I saw really what Like a hundred people in the room really look like and they're there for me. I was like, fuck the views. That don't even matter.
- [72:33]
A
It's about the experience that you.
- [72:34]
B
About the experience that you've given. Get a hundred people in a room. You can get a thousand people in a room. You know what I'm saying? And. And you just like. I was like, oh, I'm just working my way up. It's good to start here.
- [72:44]
A
Absolutely.
- [72:45]
B
I'm saying it's not good. It's probably not the best idea for artists who doesn't have any experience performing to start out. 75,000 people. Like taking them straight to Coachella, taking them straight to Lala. What's it, the Palooza.
- [73:01]
A
I'm doing Lollapalooza too.
- [73:02]
B
Yeah, the south by Southwest, bro. We talking about like 25, 30,000 people. That's. I mean, hey, throw them to the wolves. But you should perfect the craft of performing first, I feel.
- [73:15]
A
Because there's not. Because, because there are. There are people who record in the studio and there are people who are live performers who record in the studio. So sometimes trying to bring the studio to the stage doesn't translate depending on your approach. Like for instance, I. When I dj, I'm doing a whole. I'm doing more than just behind the board. Like I'm dancing along with everyone. I'm singing as well. I'm also playing some random stuff. It's like, how did we get a mixture of goodies by sierra and the PJ's theme song? Like, how did we get here?
- [74:00]
B
No, I'm just saying, like this is all in your memory bank and this is a very nostalgic adolescent to think like, bruh, you just triggering something. Because if I hear the PJ's intro, I might stupid. You remember like a couple years ago was running spongebob theme song in the club, you know what I'm saying? Because it do something for people and it's like it's still music, you know, you can't denote it to just being childish. People have a connection to this and it should be explored. You know what I'm saying?
- [74:32]
A
I agree.
- [74:35]
B
So legend, you will be a legendary vocalist. But right now, extraordinary vocalist, great dj.
- [74:43]
A
Yes, sir. Still getting our. Our ones and twos together.
- [74:48]
B
Professional rollerblader.
- [74:51]
A
So rollerblading is for the beach, my boy.
- [74:55]
B
Rollerblader. That's tough though.
- [74:57]
A
No, rollerblading is for the beach. I don't rollerblade.
- [74:59]
B
Okay? I skate. You skate.
- [75:02]
A
You need the quads for what we do.
- [75:04]
B
Okay.
- [75:04]
A
Okay, that's roll, bounce.
- [75:06]
B
So is it. Let's talk about that. Because is this more a hobby or is this more of like a.
- [75:12]
A
No, it's a. It's a hobby. It's something I enjoy doing. I'm not professionally doing this. I don't understand why n be sending me videos. Niggas up here doing back, backflips, splits. I'm like, nobody is doing what La Ron is doing.
- [75:24]
B
Okay, but you on the quads. Right, right, right. So. But as a hobby, with so much in front of you, as a career, you know, let's just speak to being a hobbyist. How important is it for you to have something outside of, like, that's still a. It's a physical outlet more than anything. Right? Because I've got on some skates for my baby birthday and I was like, oh, shit.
- [75:49]
A
It's a lifestyle.
- [75:50]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That lower back and these, the quadriceps for real.
- [75:53]
A
Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah.
- [75:55]
B
But how important is it for you? Since we spoken about, like, talk therapy, is this more of a therapeutic thing for you outside of your creative endeavors too?
- [76:06]
A
There's that skating, hiking. I do enjoy being in nature. I like road trips. I mean, traveling when I don't have to work, but because work is always there. I have to create the leisure within the schedule of things. I mean, I've been doing that since almost 20 years at this point.
- [76:33]
B
Yeah.
- [76:34]
A
So I'm used to it. So my vacations are so far in between, like a vacation vacation. The last one I went on was last year. I went to Fiji for the first time.
- [76:50]
B
How was that?
- [76:54]
A
I was in Suva specifically, which is the southeast part of the island. And I had no idea the level of, like, rest that my nervous system would have access to because I was around people who look like me. Different iterations of me. Like, we are down there. They are us. We are them cheekbones, wide noses, Afros. They are us. We are.
- [77:28]
B
Yeah. So go to any land and go back to the beginning. Well, there you are.
- [77:33]
A
I mean, just to. Just to be met with a smile.
- [77:38]
B
Yeah.
- [77:38]
A
You know, everyone is just really kind. Everything is inclusive. There's no, like, gayborhood or anything down there. So everybody is just all in the same space and just. Cool. I got, I got. I got spotted twice while I was there. I was shook. I was like, all the way down here, man. So any. The. The. The moment that I have an opportunity to go for him down in Fiji, I'm absolutely going.
- [78:07]
B
Yeah. That sound like a dream come true, though. I ain't gonna hold you. Like, I had that criminal past and my criminal past kind of. And once you a felony, gonna keep you from a passport for seven years. So by the time I was able to get my passport.
- [78:24]
A
What you doing stealing boxes?
- [78:25]
B
I don't want nothing. Nothing like that. A little bit more serious than that. Gotcha. But, yeah, still in Boston.
- [78:33]
A
Yeah, we'll go with that.
- [78:34]
B
We'll go with that. But once I was able to get my passport, I had started driving trucks. So, like, that was travel for me. But I'm working, but I'm seeing more than I ever seen. And it really did expand my mind. Like, I'm grateful for that every day. Like, I probably am not the man I am today if I don't go on that endeavor. Because credit isolation for me to get away from, like, the people I was around to really. It helped me, like, really put in perspective how important my children were to me. Like, when you with them every day, you kind of, like, take it for granted a little bit. Yeah. But also too, like, allow my mind to wonder without distractions, man. Changed everything. But now I'm ready to get into that, like, traveling for real. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but we're gonna do this. Let me get my phone because the Patreon called. Patreon follows my cousins. Okay. I told him you was coming on your favorite cousin. Yeah, yeah, my first cousin. Yeah, palm that. Let me get to these questions. I know. I know one specifically already because that was the first one I was gonna ask. Did you. Did you see that? Tyler have. Tyler Crater had mentioned me in his interview.
- [79:56]
A
Oh, he did?
- [79:57]
B
Nigga, what? Well, crazy.
- [80:00]
A
We up. We up.
- [80:01]
B
He hate podcast. He. He said if he was a president, the first thing he would do is remove all podcast mics. But he said, deontay, Kyle, in the current room flow, they can keep theirs. I was like, I told you. Well, nigga told you. All right, here we go. It's the funniest one. Oh, no, this wasn't a question. This is a statement. She said, no question. Just tell him, fuck nigga. Free saved my life and I love him.
- [80:31]
A
Speaking of that song, a woman reached out about that record in particular. Not to about, like three years ago. And she said this song helped me leave an abusive marriage. I packed up my kids and I drove. I think she was in California somewhere or in Vegas somewhere. She said, I drove to Texas and I had to get up out of there, but thank you for fueling me.
- [80:58]
B
And I'm like, what's the power of music, though? Listen, that's what I'm sometimes just help something click, man.
- [81:05]
A
That.
- [81:06]
B
Because this is also on the end of this about what inspired you to make overqualified.
- [81:15]
A
Because I've been in therapy for, you know, as long as I've been in it. On top of just being a sponge, I felt like there was a level of work that I had done on myself that kind of made me surpass, I guess, a certain mindset where I would want to be bothered. You know, it's like, when you really accept red flags for what they are, you don't try to paint them hoes white, you know, like, it's just, I'm gonna let you be. But then you get bored sometime because there's nothing going on. Cause you stand away from the bullshit. Sometimes you miss it. It's like I'm waiting and hoping that there will be someone that's standing enough on their business that will be able to see me. Cause I'm standing on my business, right. And I just utilize the. The workforce. I don't know what it's like to be hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt from trying to get an education, only for me to get out into the real world. And they don't want to pay me, however emotionally. I can. I can. I can gather that because, yeah, niggas is. Is. Is it. Are not well. And. But they want to ride on the coattails of your healing, though.
- [82:37]
B
Yeah.
- [82:38]
A
It's like, you don't want to do your own work, bro.
- [82:40]
B
Yeah. They want you to become their therapist.
- [82:42]
A
Yes.
- [82:44]
B
Yeah. Like, I ain't got to go. You went, Matt.
- [82:47]
A
Going, isla, I don't need you. I don't need you. But I. For the both of us.
- [82:52]
B
No, no, no.
- [82:53]
A
You got. You got to. You got to have your own ruffles, sir.
- [82:57]
B
Yeah. Here at the Grizzly Niggas Podcast, we often say that boredom is a blessing. Ooh, can we talk about it? Don't go out here looking for negative stimuli just because you ain't. Just because you grew up in chaos.
- [83:10]
A
I was having a conversation with. With an artist. With an artist, and they were like, I miss the days of being bored so that I can be inspired. Like, I'm constantly on the go. There's always something to do. I always got to be somewhere. I missed the days where I was, where I had an opportunity to at least access the boredom. And then it's like, oh, now that I'm bored, let me do. Let me do blah, blah, blah, blah. Or let me. Oh, I. You. Something will come at least when you've had a chance to simmer.
- [83:41]
B
Right, right, right.
- [83:42]
A
And that's the.
- [83:43]
B
It's so hard to even find time to be bored. Because it's. Because. What's the first thing you like I know about me? The second I feel like I ain't got nothing to do, I'm finna check that email. And if I check that email, nigga, it's finna be something for me to do.
- [84:01]
A
It's the multiple group chats that won't let me rest.
- [84:04]
B
Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [84:05]
A
Between management and road and stage manager and wardrobe this and assisting that and videographer and photos this. We got this. Can you send a caption for this? Okay. We fit in the Puckett. Got the. It's like, actually one of the best things that I've done this year for my. For my nervous system. I turn my haptics off.
- [84:31]
B
What you mean? What you mean?
- [84:32]
A
It's the buzzing on your phone.
- [84:35]
B
Oh, nah, Yeah. I ain't gonna lie. That's super D and D, where it's only certain calls that can come through.
- [84:42]
A
But even. But even then, if it's pops in my tm, they're gonna get through. And they're in multiple group chats. So it's like I just had to turn it off completely. And I was like, wow, I don't feel so. It's like. It's constant. It's like, whoa, okay, I need to. And stop this.
- [85:02]
B
Because it's actual. It's. It's. It is what it says it is an alert.
- [85:06]
A
Yeah.
- [85:07]
B
And you are being constantly alerted to something. How the fuck you gonna ever. Man. You can't even complete a damn thought. No, yeah, yeah. Group chats. Me and group chats don't get along. I ain't gonna lie.
- [85:18]
A
I can't even remember the last time I had a Maybe when group chats used to be for fun.
- [85:23]
B
Yeah. Just for fun and shooting the shit.
- [85:25]
A
It used to be like. It's. It's all business related. There's like maybe 1.5% of group chats where it's just like leisure.
- [85:38]
B
Leisure and just talking and just shooting.
- [85:40]
A
Everything else is just. Who knew having a computer in your pocket would just.
- [85:45]
B
Yeah, well, God damn.
- [85:47]
A
Okay.
- [85:47]
B
Mother gonna start talking to us for a while. We ain't gonna have to talk to this.
- [85:51]
A
Do you see. Did you see the guy who proposed to him?
- [85:53]
B
What's the name? Who. What's chat GPT now?
- [85:55]
A
Oh, Glenn. Debt.
- [85:56]
B
Okay, got it.
- [85:57]
A
Glendette. Patrice Thompson.
- [85:58]
B
All right. Yes. The guy proposed to his avatar.
- [86:01]
A
He did hit to his AI girlfriend.
- [86:05]
B
Didn't somebody recently kill thyself over that? Like the. The basically the AI told him, like, come be with Me. And the only way. I think it was a boy. It was a little boy, too. I think it was like, 13. Yeah. I said, come be with me, and basically inquired about how. And one.
- [86:37]
A
Well, yeah. Yeah.
- [86:39]
B
The difference between the Bloom album and the last one is that there were more people involved in the creative process. Were you nervous to relinquish control, and how did you do it?
- [86:49]
A
Mm.
- [86:49]
B
Mm.
- [86:50]
A
I'm not nervous to relinquish control. It would probably be the second area in my life where I'm like, I don't have to be in control, you know, do what you want.
- [86:58]
B
Yeah. It's good to be around people that are really good at what. What they do, too.
- [87:02]
A
But also this. But this takes being in that mindset of not having to be in control. Because my thing was when I. When I got in each day, I was like, hey, y', all, I'm in my Rihanna bag. I'm a vessel. You know, I'm the mannequin. Y' all are the stylist, so put the clothes on. And also, me liking the song is ornamental, not fundamental. A lot of the songs that artists have released back in the day, a lot of artists, they did not like their. Their big hits. Patti LaBelle didn't like new Attitude. Tina Turner didn't like what's Love Got To Do With It. Toni Braxton was like, ugh, I'm breaking my heart. And Coco don't like none of the songs that she sang at swv. None of them. That's why she got an attitude. Singing week. I don't know what it is, what you do, what you do to me. Very. I'm over it, so.
- [88:06]
B
But, yeah, those are the legacy.
- [88:09]
A
There's. That's what keep those records. That's what is able to keep y' all on the road. After 30 years, real people still want to hear the songs. So it wasn't a. I gotta like it. Y' all might have an idea about something that I don't. Again, y' all got the plaques. I don't. So let's see. Let's see what. What comes out of that. And so I was very open to it. Probably the only song that I felt kind of like that about. It was unspoken, and here we are. And not that they're not good songs.
- [88:49]
B
Is it just, like.
- [88:50]
A
It just wouldn't fatigue. Not even fatigue. I think when we're talking about what I would go for if you were playing me songs like, oh, do you like this? Do you like. Do you want to sing this? Those two probably Wouldn't have been my first choice, but I was okay with that.
- [89:07]
B
Right.
- [89:07]
A
Because I said, okay, y'. All, out of these 15 songs, I'm leaving y' all two. Two slots for songs that I do not like. Like. And I mean, absolutely don't like. And there wasn't any songs on it. I absolutely don't.
- [89:23]
B
Yeah, I understand what you're saying. Like, but that's also, like, that's some real shit, though, because that take a lot.
- [89:33]
A
They didn't know what to. When I tell you, some of the producers and the writers, specifically the writers, they did not know how to handle that because they're thinking, I'm coming in here. Like, all right, this is what I want. How I want to. I mean, granted, I will give insight so that when you are. If I'm giving you a subject matter or a story that I want to talk about and you're piecing the story together, I'll give insight. Well, actually, this is how I was feeling. Or let's, you know, but outside of that, I'm like, no, y' all get cook. Get your ideas out, and then we can go from there. So it was.
- [90:07]
B
I wasn't.
- [90:08]
A
I wasn't mad at it. But yeah, them. Me. Me relinquishing control. I have to actually get a. A review on that. Like, how that was.
- [90:16]
B
Yeah. Because objectively. Yeah, you can't speak to it objectively. For real. All right, we'll do the last. We'll do the last thing from the fans because this is a very. This is a typical question.
- [90:27]
A
Let's get typical.
- [90:31]
B
I love that shit. It's your top five artists and your dream collab.
- [90:39]
A
Okay. Dylon, Dylon, Dylon, Dylon.
- [90:46]
B
And why? Cause I spit hot fire. Okay.
- [90:53]
A
I am my favorite artist out of my top five. I'm my favorite. There are amazing artists and then there's me.
- [91:00]
B
Yeah.
- [91:02]
A
I love. I love salt. Salt is the. I mean, And I. And I'll combine Cleo. So I'll. You get Cleo in there as a. As a. As a two parter. So salt.
- [91:16]
B
What's that song? What's that song?
- [91:17]
A
Is it fireflies or fire Wildfires.
- [91:20]
B
Wildfires. Oh, my God.
- [91:21]
A
Masterpiece is my song.
- [91:22]
B
When I heard that, I was like, well, they. They. Well, they're the.
- [91:25]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love E Wiz. He produced no Business on Bloom. Dochi. Hey, Dochi is just Dochi. Okay? My word. Oh, God. I've been very vocal about it, man.
- [91:49]
B
She's the best. She's the best. And one of the best looking. Let's just keep it honest. God damn. Next. Let's just. Let's get up out of here real quick. Yes. Yes. It ain't gonna be a podcast, that right.
- [92:08]
A
We talking about new or just period.
- [92:09]
B
Just period. It's all you.
- [92:11]
A
I mean, I gotta get. I gotta give shout out to Crash Cut because I've seriousified what he does. So. He's also E40's cousin. So if you want to, like, if you listen to like, Be Glad or Best of the Best by Crash Cut, it'll all make sense. Actually played. I played Trinidad James some Crash Cut.
- [92:38]
B
Which, by the way, friend of the show.
- [92:41]
A
Love Trinidad. Like, he is hip hop's Mr. Rogers. He does is between him and Lloyd are literally the sweetest people I've come in contact with in the industry. And I've come across some great people. And then there's Trinidad and Lloyd. I mean, just super sweet.
- [93:08]
B
You can't buy that.
- [93:09]
A
You cannot. Oh, man.
- [93:12]
B
He was so welcoming to us and, like, so, like, just enthusiastic.
- [93:15]
A
Yes.
- [93:16]
B
Actually, like, I would say it was my entryway into, like, interviewing, like, stars. And he made it so easy because it was like, he just was like, I fuck with you and I'm here to talk to you and I'mma chill and I'mma relax and I want you to feel at home. It's like, damn. All right, well, it's easy, you know?
- [93:36]
A
Yeah. And then we'll give one that's not with us. No mo. We'll do Rick. Rick James. Yeah. Yeah.
- [93:50]
B
Do you, do you, do you? Listen.
- [93:56]
A
Man, you. You know, he was, you know, he was a opera singer.
- [93:59]
B
I did not know that. But this makes so much sense.
- [94:02]
A
That, that is. That is another reason why I. I'm more Rick than Prince. And they want me to be Prince so bad. And I get it. They're going off of characteristics.
- [94:12]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [94:13]
A
And mannerism. Movements and mannerisms. And it's a bit more reserved than Little Richards because I'm more Little Richard.
- [94:23]
B
Yeah.
- [94:24]
A
If you took Little Richard and Bugs Bunny and slapped him together, that's you. That is me. That is me.
- [94:34]
B
Fool on that guitar.
- [94:35]
A
Listen, I. And there are just certain things that Prince would do that I'm just. I don't. That's not. That's not. I'm not gonna be stroking my. My, My guitar.
- [94:45]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [94:46]
A
Like it's an extension of me. Amen. Like, I just. That's not. I don't need to do that.
- [94:53]
B
Yeah, he's very eccentric. Very.
- [94:56]
A
I mean, just, you know, I. I Can't say I wouldn't do Assless Chaps, but that might be for another. You know, that's a late night show.
- [95:02]
B
You know, that's not the Bro and Assless Chaps for everybody.
- [95:06]
A
Everybody.
- [95:07]
B
But.
- [95:07]
A
Yeah. Oh, but.
- [95:10]
B
But Rick. Rick James, man.
- [95:12]
A
Yeah.
- [95:12]
B
Buffalo legend. Problematic.
- [95:17]
A
Very.
- [95:18]
B
But undeniable as an artist. And fire and desire. It's just. Let's talk about it. You know what I'm saying? Like, how we gonna not include Rick James, you know what I'm saying?
- [95:30]
A
Yeah.
- [95:32]
B
So you can go. You can go. Dead or alive. Dream collab.
- [95:37]
A
Ooh. Luther would have loved me. Luther would have loved my mother's favorite artist, me also, I feel.
- [95:53]
B
Tell her. Come on, tell her. Just come have a seat. Yeah, just tell her to come have a seat.
- [96:02]
A
Psst. Your payments are showing, but with Apple Cash, your payments are private by design. There are no public feeds, awkward reactions, or unnecessary payment drama. Apple Cash lets you send cash and messages right in the conversations you're already having. Or with tap to Cash pay someone next to you without looking up a username or scanning a QR code. Just hold your iPhone near someone else's to send. Switch to Apple Cash and start sending privately. Apple Cash services are provided by Green Dot bank member fdic. Okay, she ain't gonna do that. She's all barking. No bite.
- [96:44]
B
Wait, what was I saying in Dream Collab?
- [96:47]
A
Yes, Dream Collab, Luther. And also Nate Dog. I would have loved to do something. I love that with Nate Dog. That would have been absolutely.
- [97:00]
B
That would have been dope. Yeah. What? What? What if you had to? Okay, you could choose one song that Luther has. That would be yours. Which one would it be?
- [97:17]
A
One that I can actually remember the lyrics to. I'll just go here and now, because never too much ain't gonna give me too much. Okay. Cause who knows those words verbatim? Somebody had a gun to your head and said nah.
- [97:29]
B
Yeah.
- [97:30]
A
Sing never too much and don't miss a word.
- [97:33]
B
Yeah. Now if we go, don't. You know, I mean, I'm getting my duff here.
- [97:36]
A
And now is. Is mine.
- [97:38]
B
Yeah.
- [97:41]
A
Yeah. And also there are a few songs from artists that did not make it to the intended artist. I would love to hear them sing that. Like, I would have loved to hear TLC sing Hit Me Baby One more time, because that was. That was meant for them. And Britney Spears has T boss to thank for that. Oh, baby, baby. Yep. How was I supposed.
- [98:07]
B
The craziest thing in the world is with you saying that immediately. It makes sense.
- [98:12]
A
Also, I'm A Slave for you by Brittany was originally for Janet. And Janet said, I absolutely am not singing nothing about I'm a slave for you. I was slave to the rhythm nation, but not for your ass.
- [98:25]
B
Yeah.
- [98:25]
A
Real talk, though, but Janet would have ate that up. However, I'm glad Britney got it. That still goes. And also, you're Making Me High by Toni Braxton was actually to Brandi, and her mother said, I don't think so.
- [98:40]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [98:43]
A
You'll be getting dressed to go to school. Okay.
- [98:46]
B
Getting high at all. We ain't doing that high shit.
- [98:49]
A
How these grades?
- [98:50]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [98:51]
A
They say, get high on them dishes. Black parents get on.
- [98:57]
B
Our black parents, black pants. Hey. And a black mama would say the most, like, craziest shit in the world to you. Like, I'm like, man, I'm tired. I'm getting tired of your ass.
- [99:10]
A
Like, come on, ma'. Am.
- [99:12]
B
I'm just tired.
- [99:12]
A
I'm not. I'm just.
- [99:14]
B
How you gonna turn that into a threat?
- [99:16]
A
See?
- [99:16]
B
Depress them dishes.
- [99:18]
A
Depress them dishes.
- [99:20]
B
Yeah. Come on, man.
- [99:21]
A
Like, when I would say, we need a dishwasher, she was like, I do. You are.
- [99:24]
B
Oh, well. So we do have the same mom. Low key. Very much. Black culture is a very. It's a sacred thing. It's a very esoteric experience.
- [99:34]
A
It is. I just choose not to. And I'm. And I'm not using this in the correct term, but for the sake of, you know, what the fuck I mean, I'm gonna just say it. I just still refuse to. Trauma bond.
- [99:45]
B
Yeah. That's real shit.
- [99:46]
A
In the way that we are bonding off of mutual pain, and we're laughing about that. Like, I just. I don't have it in me.
- [99:54]
B
We can speak to those experiences, but we can also say that shit ain't right.
- [99:57]
A
Yeah. Like, I'm not. I'm not. My inner child won't let me get away with laughing about any corporal punishment jokes. Like, absolutely not.
- [100:04]
B
Yeah, joking about getting your ass whooped is crazy.
- [100:06]
A
It's just not. I just. No.
- [100:09]
B
Well, we also watch, like, the people who are maybe 10 to 15 years our senior do that growing up and sit around and talk and laugh about getting their ass with, like, extension cards and like, that. To me, I was. When I. Even when I was a kid, I was like, this ain't funny. Yeah, y' all tripping.
- [100:25]
A
Yeah.
- [100:26]
B
But no therapy.
- [100:28]
A
So, you know, I say we did pretty. I say we did pretty good. Me and my mom and dad, we did pretty good, considering I'm the only one that went to therapy, but they did. They did really good for themselves in their own personal growth and. And journey. I'm very, very proud of them.
- [100:45]
B
Yeah, that's.
- [100:46]
A
What's.
- [100:46]
B
I think if I mentioned therapy to my dad, it would just. It would go.
- [100:56]
A
What is something.
- [100:57]
B
If I said, hey, Dad, I think you should go to hello.
- [101:00]
A
Well, not. I don't think you should. Would you be open to joining me? You know, like that type of thing. Instead of. You go, it's your problem.
- [101:10]
B
Well, I was talking. I would go first. Yeah, yeah. Cuz I need.
- [101:16]
A
Do you. Do you have.
- [101:17]
B
No. And I want to. Oh, I got you.
- [101:19]
A
I'm the plug.
- [101:20]
B
I bet.
- [101:20]
A
Yes.
- [101:21]
B
Plug me in before we go. Well, first of all, thank you for coming. Of course, Libra. I was super excited about this, and it went exactly how I thought it was gonna go. It went great. So is there anything like you got plugs or anything people need to know before you go?
- [101:37]
A
By the time this comes out, I will be doing North Sea Jazz Festival over in Rotterdam. And what else? A few more DJ gigs. I'm also doing the second leg of the tour in September and also the third leg in October. So no sleep. No. No rest for the weary. But we outside.
- [102:03]
B
Yeah.
- [102:04]
A
What else? What else? Make sure you check out Bloom. You know, we got our merch. Okay. We got our overqualified hats. I didn't want to do that today because, you know, I had to let the crown breathe and. Yeah, love on yourselves. Treat each other the way you need to be treated. You know, advocate for them versions of yourselves that didn't have efficacy, you know, and while we at it, I'm proud of you, black man.
- [102:30]
B
Thank you. I appreciate you. Thank you for coming through.
- [102:32]
A
Absolutely.
- [102:33]
B
All right, well, this is episode 73 with the illustrious Duran Bernard. Until next time. Take care yourselves. Take care of each other. I'm Deontay Kyle. But who's behind the camera?
- [102:45]
A
Big Ice Club Cat.
- [102:46]
B
And we'll see you next week with Kev on stage.