Jenna Fischer asks about irrational fears

Summary

Podcast Summary: Handsome – "Jenna Fischer asks about irrational fears"

Date: December 30, 2025
Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin
Guest: Jenna Fischer
Theme: Exploring irrational fears—personal stories, coping mechanisms, and the comedy found in anxieties that don't always make sense.

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Episode Overview

In this lively and hilarious year-end episode, comedians Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin are joined by Jenna Fischer (Pam from The Office) to tackle the universal topic of irrational fears. With trademark playful banter, the hosts and Jenna share their own irrational fears, debate their origins, and swap awkward, spooky, and often relatable stories. The episode weaves heart, humor, and a surprising dose of existential dread—while always keeping it light.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

Warm-Up: End-of-Year Reflections and Banter

[02:12-11:02]

• The hosts bring infectious energy as they recount the chaos and emotional exhaustion of 2025, joke about podcast listener demographics, and celebrate the new year upcoming.
• Fortune's dog Biggie makes an appearance, with a running joke about his "horny AF" behavior (06:15), leading to quips about projecting one's feelings through their pets.
• Mae and Tig bond over a dislike for stressful or overly feminine wardrobe fittings, with Mae expressing discomfort at being styled in clothes that don’t align with their identity (23:30).

On Success & Community

[28:36-31:12]

• Fortune shares excitement about the podcast nearing 50 million downloads:
  “We're about to cross 50 million downloads on this podcast... That's a lot in two and a half years.” — Fortune Feimster [28:37]
• Mae mentions receiving a fan-made Toronto escape room chart, underscoring the podcast’s diverse listener base and personal connections (29:33).

Icebreaker: "You look like Bryan Adams"

[31:20-33:49]

• Mae recounts being mistaken for Bryan Adams at a diner, leading to playful teasing and a singalong: “Did you start singing? 'I got my first real 16...'” — Fortune Feimster [31:50] “Is that offensive to you?” — Tig Notaro [32:18]

Main Event: Jenna Fischer’s Question

[38:09-38:34 | 51:01-51:50]

• Jenna Fischer poses her question:
  “Do you have an irrational fear? A fear that you know, intellectually, doesn't make any sense… but how do you deal with it?” — Jenna Fischer [38:12]

Tig’s Big Fear

[38:34-41:07]

• Tig immediately confesses her uniquely specific fear: “I am scared… there is somebody under the bed or in the closet who is going to jump out and then throw me off the balcony.” — Tig Notaro [39:03]
• She further admits:
  “It's so irrational that I'm going to reveal myself as nuts right now.” [38:56]
• Mae and Fortune empathize and compare notes on anxieties around balconies and heights.

Mae and Fortune’s Fears

[44:12-45:08]

• Mae discusses recurring dreams about her teeth crumbling, which Fortune and Tig find surprisingly common and analyze for deeper meanings: “Mine are my teeth crumbling out...” — Mae Martin [44:02]
• Fortune reveals a lingering trauma from being knocked into a water fountain as a child, causing irrational caution around public fountains:
  “I've always had this fear... of my teeth just smashing into it.” — Fortune Feimster [44:13]

Spiders, Deep Water & Ghosts

[53:10-54:46]

• The talk spirals into the supernatural: “I think that there’s a ghost in my closet... and it opens on its own all the time.” — Jenna Fischer [51:23]
  • The group jokes but also expresses genuine freak-outs over unexplained phenomena, haunted houses, and how to coexist with potential ghosts.

Coping with Irrational Fears

[55:00-57:09]

• Fortune recounts growing up in a famously haunted house and keeping a knife under her bed out of fear.
• The hosts agree on the value of rituals—like saging the house or calling in a “ghostbuster”—to address fears, no matter how irrational.
• Mae shares feeling comforted by community and honest conversations about anxiety.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On describing irrational fears:
  “I'm scared to reveal this because I'm scared somebody's gonna do this.” — Tig Notaro [38:58]
• On wardrobe fitting discomfort:
  “To you these seem like just neutral T shirts, but to me… I'm in hell.” — Mae Martin [23:36]
• On spider retaliation:
  “The retaliation being that they, like, talk to their friends and a bunch of them come get you.” — Fortune Feimster [53:35]
• On haunted houses:
  “My house growing up was, like, wildly haunted... and every people move out of this house every five years.” — Fortune Feimster [55:09]
• On community:
  “This is like one of the most successful long term relationships I’ve had.” — Mae Martin [29:04]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:12] – New Year’s Eve energy & “girl” banter
• [06:15] – Fortune’s horny dog story
• [23:30] – Wardrobe fitting anxieties
• [28:37] – Milestone: 50 million downloads
• [29:33] – Escape room chart gift from a fan
• [31:50] – Mae mistaken for Bryan Adams
• [38:12] – Jenna’s question on irrational fears
• [39:03] – Tig’s fear of being thrown off balconies
• [44:02] – Mae’s teeth-crumbling dreams
• [44:13] – Fortune’s water fountain trauma
• [51:23] – Jenna’s haunted closet story
• [55:09] – Fortune’s haunted childhood home
• [61:49] – Hosts’ upcoming tour dates and closing gratitude

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Tone and Style Highlights

• The episode is irreverent, confessional, and warm, with each host maintaining their distinct comedic style—dry (Tig), exuberant (Fortune), and quirkily philosophical (Mae).
• Even when discussing genuine anxieties, the tone remains supportive and full of laughter.

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Closing Thoughts

The episode closes with gratitude to listeners, jokes about haunted houses, and an invitation to keep sharing both laughter and irrational fears as part of the Handsome community. With an undercurrent of “we’re all weird, and that’s okay,” the episode reminds the audience that irrational fears are universal—and sometimes, a good ghost story or balcony panic attack can be the ultimate icebreaker.

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For Listeners Who Missed It

• Expect honest, wildly funny anecdotes—and a cathartic, inclusive dialogue about fears you might have (or now just picked up!).
• Standouts include Tig’s hyper-specific hotel balcony fear, Fortune’s haunted house upbringing, and Mae’s existential teeth nightmares.
• Jenna Fischer fits seamlessly, offering her own spooked closet tale, while the trio delivers plenty of quotable lines and palpable camaraderie.

Missed the show? No problem—keep it handsome, talk to your ghosts, and maybe double-check under the bed next time you check into a hotel.

Transcript

[Mae Martin]

This is a Headgun podcast. You know what's smart? Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking that you put detergent in the laundry before running a wash. These clothes don't seem any cleaner than before.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Mae Martin]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Mae Martin]

It's the end of the year and I wanna look back on 2025 and enjoy some peace and quiet. Shipt makes that easy. I can always find what I'm looking for, even that really specific snack combination that I'm currently craving. It's cold, it's dark. Shipt the groceries and regroup for the new year. Download the app or order [e-mail] that's S H ipt.com chatting with friends on the handsome pot. Chatting with friends on the handsome pot.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cheers. Welcome to the handsome pod. I'm Fortune Feimster.

[Tig Notaro]

And I'm Tig Notaro.

[Mae Martin]

What's up you guys?

[Jenna Fischer]

It's Nene.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're coming to you guys the night before New Year's effing eve.

[Mae Martin]

And we are buzzing.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're buzzing. It's the end of a freaking year.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh my God. Girl, Girl. We have just gone straight into girl.

[Fortune Feimster]

Girl, listen.

[Mae Martin]

Insane year it's been, you guys jet crazy.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's been so effing insane. We're gonna just like talk. We're just gonna unload and talk about it just like this in this voice.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh my God. But like, why are you putting so many essence in there?

[Fortune Feimster]

Cuz it's how I Effing talk.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. F, girl.

[Fortune Feimster]

All right, I won't do that. I won't do that. Why not?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I can't do it anymore either.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why not, bro?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I can't do it anymore.

[Fortune Feimster]

It hurts my head. It's putting way too much effort into talking. And, you know I like minimal effort. Do you guys want to see who's joined us for our last pod?

[Tig Notaro]

Can we get year five guesses?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, five guesses.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Is it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, five is a lot of guesses.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, we don't know for sure. Who could be sleeping in a little basket next to you?

[Fortune Feimster]

Feels like you only need one guess.

[Mae Martin]

Is it Reese Witherspoon all curled up?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God. Fortune isn't Rhys.

[Fortune Feimster]

If Rhys just popped out and did the bend and snap. No, it's not Rhys, but that would be delightful. Is it.

[Tig Notaro]

Is it Thomas?

[Fortune Feimster]

Thomas is in here, but not laying on my.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know. I didn't know if you guys were, like, playing some sort trick, you know.

[Fortune Feimster]

That would be fun.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, so it's not Reese Witherspoon, and it's not Thomas.

[Mae Martin]

That's sort of the only thing.

[Tig Notaro]

Who could it be?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that's the only.

[Fortune Feimster]

Those are the only possible options are definitely Reese Witherspoon or Thomas.

[Mae Martin]

Is it Cher?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, if I could turn back my cow if I could find a way.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, I don't think it is, because I don't think Fortune would go in with such confidence with Cher.

[Mae Martin]

She was in the room.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I would love for Cher to be here. Counting down the new. You should have Cher counting down the New Year's.

[Tig Notaro]

Is it Chaz Bono?

[Fortune Feimster]

It is not.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh. Oh, my God. It's not Chaz.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, how many guesses is this? I think that's four. You got one more guess.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, shit. Okay, Tig, we gotta get serious.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I know who it is. I know who it is. Who is it? Martin Short.

[Fortune Feimster]

He would fit in this little basket.

[Tig Notaro]

Is it Fortune? Is it Martin Short? May. Do you feel like it's Martin Short?

[Mae Martin]

I feel like it's Martin Short in character as Ed Grimley.

[Tig Notaro]

And you are right. It's Martin Short as Ed Grimley. Oh, my God, it's Biggie.

[Fortune Feimster]

Biggie. He wanted to come say hi at the end of this year.

[Mae Martin]

Working his arm. Eyes.

[Tig Notaro]

Look at his.

[Fortune Feimster]

Look at his eyes.

[Tig Notaro]

Look at all that he's saying with his eyes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Baby bear.

[Mae Martin]

He looks sleepy today.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, he's not. He. Actually, you guys. What? He has been staying with me for a couple weeks. Cuz he is from a broken home.

[Tig Notaro]

And why is that the dumbest thing? Every time you say it, it's so dumb.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's been staying with me and he has been horny AF fortune. I don't know how to tell you that. He has. He has a pep in his step. Because when I got him, I was like, oh, he was like wheezing a little bit in the beginning and I was like, oh, he's like getting old. And then this guy has. I don't know if he just missed LA or what was happening. He turned a corner where he was full of spunk and just humping.

[Mae Martin]

Full of spunk.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, that doesn't sound right. Yeah, just full of energy. And he has been bouncing off the walls, playing with his toys. He's just been like so full of life. And humping my elbow and humping.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, what? So you're involved in this?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't want to be, but he's just. And he's humping my.

[Tig Notaro]

My leg and has this never happened?

[Fortune Feimster]

He's done it in the past, but. And, and then, and then some friends came over and then he was humping their legs.

[Mae Martin]

Oh my God. He is. He's horny. Hugh Hefner, because he's like in his 80s and human years. Right.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you feel like you need to put him up for adoption?

[Fortune Feimster]

No. Never. Tig. How dare. He didn't mean that.

[Tig Notaro]

Can you imagine?

[Mae Martin]

There would be an outcry and there would be a lineup around the block of people wanting.

[Tig Notaro]

I'd take him.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's not going anywhere. But he is horny af.

[Mae Martin]

But listen, I miss him.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you projecting through your dog? Because my old girlfriend, her grandmother, used to talk through her dog.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, I love when people do that. Passive aggressively.

[Tig Notaro]

Not even passive aggressively.

[Fortune Feimster]

What does that mean?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, we would go visit her grandmother and her dog, whose name was Lil, would be just. Was like 5 million years old and would be lying in front of the tv and her grandmother would be like, well, Lil sure has not been enjoying all this construction in the neighborhood.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I see. I see.

[Tig Notaro]

Or she'd be like, you know, Lil sure wishes the construction would end before 5 every day.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, and it's like, really, Grandma? Is that what Lil thinks?

[Mae Martin]

I like when it's a little passive aggressive. Like Lil says it's. Why is the radiator turned up so high in here?

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, that. Well, that's exactly what it was.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But I was just wondering, is that what you're doing?

[Fortune Feimster]

Fortunately, I mean. No, it's All. It's all him. It's.

[Tig Notaro]

He takes two to tango.

[Mae Martin]

Well, I used to date someone who had a little bichon frise and.

[Fortune Feimster]

Bichon.

[Mae Martin]

Bichon free.

[Fortune Feimster]

A bichon. What?

[Mae Martin]

Isn't that how you, how you say it?

[Fortune Feimster]

Be shown.

[Mae Martin]

Did I say it like.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I, I just put a little something extra on it.

[Mae Martin]

She used to. But this was a female dog that used to hump my ex a lot. And then, and then she would, like, let her do it to completion. And I. She was like, she was like, you gotta let her do it or she won't stop. And I was like, I don't think that's good. I think you've gotta stop. Put a stop to it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh yeah, we put a stop to it around. Around this house. He. And also, he's not completing anything. He is still old. So he's blanks.

[Tig Notaro]

It's just an incomplete hump.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's a couple humps and then he's done. So. But. Yeah, and. But when he started humping my friends as well, I was like, oh, man, this. This guy is Hugh Hefner. He has gotten old and gotten horny.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, in a way. It's like there's vitality in that that I like. Like I'm. I'm happy that he's, you know, takes face doing extreme disappointment.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, fine. We won't talk about Biggie's situation anymore. But the good news is he is, even though he's getting older, he's still very spry. This is all good.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, this is great.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's great.

[Tig Notaro]

This is really good news.

[Fortune Feimster]

Anywho, what's going on with y'? All?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I mean, the new year is upon us.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Get me out of this year. You ready to get out of this year?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah, we're done.

[Tig Notaro]

We're done here.

[Mae Martin]

It's been the year of the snake. A lot of shedding. And I'm ready for the year of the horse.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, what does the year of the horse do?

[Mae Martin]

It's like, I guess, big dick. Like a horse.

[Tig Notaro]

And what is happening to our podcast?

[Fortune Feimster]

We're not gonna get Mae Marie in here.

[Mae Martin]

Mae Marie.

[Tig Notaro]

We're gonna lose all of our like four year old listeners.

[Fortune Feimster]

Our Christian listeners.

[Tig Notaro]

Our Christian listeners. Turn it off. And our preschool listeners.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, no, I think it's like forward motion, galloping into the future. Powerful, solid, earthy.

[Tig Notaro]

Uh huh. I like that.

[Fortune Feimster]

I agree that this year should. Should. We should leave it behind.

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like that happens at the end of every year. People are like, goodbye, 20, 20, 2020, 20, 21, 2020 and 22.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't always feel like that. I'm always. I'm usually fairly hopeful, but this one was my last year. Didn't start off. My last year started off terribly.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then half of LA caught on fire.

[Tig Notaro]

Right. It's been fucking. We don't. We don't need a recap of.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, okay. You don't want me to go through the bullet points.

[Mae Martin]

But you're right. It's rare, though, that people are like, oh, I don't want this year to end.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah. Everyone's very excited for the new year, it seems, always.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I am pumped for 20, 26.

[Mae Martin]

I wonder who Biggie's gonna hump at midnight.

[Fortune Feimster]

I won't be with him, so who knows?

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

He'll be humping.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm gonna be in Seattle doing a comedy show, but the little baby bear won't be there.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, well, I. I'll tell you what, I'm excited for January because as I was talking to Fortune before the show, our documentary got on the short list for the Oscars.

[Mae Martin]

Stop it. Of course. Did we not? Fortune and I were like, it's going to happen.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, we haven't gotten the nomination. It's just the short list where they whittle it down to who will absolutely, you know, five movies out of this, 12 or whatever get nominated.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God. Exciting.

[Tig Notaro]

It's a hard, hard nomination to get. I want it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Of course.

[Tig Notaro]

I think it would be like the craziest thing. As I was saying to Fortune, like to hand to Meg and Andrea on a silver platter. But you're gonna get it. There's a lot of nuance to the, to the nominations, and I can see a way to get it, and I see many ways of not getting it.

[Mae Martin]

What's the way to get it? To, like, woo the jurors? You gotta send some flowers and cakes.

[Tig Notaro]

It's all about flowers and cakes at this point.

[Fortune Feimster]

What about them? Blowjobs.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune, Marie.

[Mae Martin]

Wait, I have a joke. I have a joke.

[Tig Notaro]

Let's hear it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. So guy walks into a bar.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

There's a beautiful bartender there. Like really sort of classy, beautiful. Sort of old school. Good. Anyway, there's a sign above the bar that says, grilled cheese sandwiches, $5. Blowjobs. No, sorry, I got it wrong. Grilled cheese sandwich.

[Tig Notaro]

Leave it to the professional comedian. Go on.

[Mae Martin]

Grilled cheese sandwiches, $5. Hand jobs, $10. So this guy says, excuse me, can I just ask you, is it you personally who gives the handjobs. And she says, well, yes, actually it is. He says, then wash your hands because I want a grilled cheese.

[Fortune Feimster]

Anyway.

[Mae Martin]

Okay? Someone told me that on Sunday.

[Jenna Fischer]

Wow.

[Mae Martin]

That really? I don't think I told you that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because he wants a sandwich and a hand job.

[Mae Martin]

No, he wants her to wash her hands because she's been given all these hand jobs.

[Tig Notaro]

He wants a sandwich.

[Mae Martin]

He just wants a sandwich.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I thought he wanted both because I was 5 plus 10 equals 50.

[Tig Notaro]

I think you were doing math.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think the 15 grilled cheese threw me off in the beginning.

[Tig Notaro]

I didn't put any math in it. I just thought this guy wanted to say at the beginning, when you messed.

[Fortune Feimster]

Up, There was a 15 grilled cheese.

[Mae Martin]

Unfortunate.

[Fortune Feimster]

I said $5.

[Tig Notaro]

You need to focus, okay? You're starting to sound like me.

[Fortune Feimster]

So wash your hands because I'm going to need a grilled cheese.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. So he was only asking if she gave the hand jobs because he wanted.

[Fortune Feimster]

I get it. I get it.

[Tig Notaro]

Now can we go back to Fortune? Can you deliver us the punchline one more time?

[Fortune Feimster]

Me?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why me? I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

I just want to hear it again.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. Are you the one, ma'?

[Tig Notaro]

Am?

[Fortune Feimster]

Because you want to be polite, Ma'?

[Tig Notaro]

Am?

[Mae Martin]

Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Are you the one giving the hand jobs?

[Mae Martin]

Why, yes, actually, I am. Why are we doing an act out now?

[Fortune Feimster]

Then you better get out that dial soap because this is an ad.

[Tig Notaro]

Are we sponsored by Dial for this bit?

[Fortune Feimster]

We are. You better get out that dial soap and scrub those dirty ass hands that has all that stuff on it from all those hand jobs. And I. Because I'm going to want to. Grilled cheese.

[Tig Notaro]

Why did I ask Fortune to do that?

[Mae Martin]

I don't know, but I liked it. I'm glad you did. I'm really glad you did.

[Tig Notaro]

I didn't like it as much as how.

[Fortune Feimster]

And how much was that sandwich?

[Mae Martin]

The price.

[Fortune Feimster]

Listen, how much was the sandwich?

[Tig Notaro]

5.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was cheaper than the hand job, right?

[Mae Martin]

The hand job was $10. The girl started five. Oh, Lord.

[Fortune Feimster]

And. And I'm gonna throw in on top of that five. Two extra dollars for an clean extra.

[Tig Notaro]

And I'm gonna throw in a pickle. And two Cheetos. Or Doritos. Is that what you put on the surface? Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Two burritos. Should I tell. Should I tell jokes for a living?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I think you could. I think you could do pretty well.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, let's hear one.

[Mae Martin]

Because you add a lot of words and a lot of backstory.

[Fortune Feimster]

What's the difference between beer nuts and Deer nuts.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, you've told this many times. But not burping in the middle of it.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that was craz. That was crazy.

[Tig Notaro]

What's the difference between beer nuts?

[Fortune Feimster]

One's A$50 and the other one's under a buck.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, take care of that one.

[Fortune Feimster]

You love that. I love that one.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, you love it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Biggie just perked up. He loved it too.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, Biggie. You know what's smart? Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking the shoreline for any good. Skipping stones. Nothing enhances a moody walk along the lake like skipping some stones across the water.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Tig Notaro]

There are so many scams nowadays. I keep getting texts saying that I need to confirm a package that's been sent my way. But when I take a closer look, it's fake.

[Mae Martin]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Mae Martin]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Mae Martin]

Take proactive care of your health and head to oppositive.com handsome or enter handsome at checkout for 25% off your first purchase. That's O P O S I T I V.com handsome for 25% off. So these three guys, and they get captured by this banish inquisition. Let's say, I don't know. And they say, we're gonna kill you and we're gonna skin you and we're gonna turn you into canoes. And they're like, oh, no, I think it's an. I got told this on Sunday as well. It's. I think it's an Irish man, a British man, and a Scottish man. Anyway, the Scottish man says. And they said, but guess what? You get to choose how you want to die. So the Scottish man says, bring me some poison. And so they bring him poison. He eats the poison. And the British man says, bring me my pistol. And they bring him a pistol, and he himself. Then the Irish man says, bring me a fork. And they say, oh, okay. And they bring him a fork and he just starts stabbing himself. He says, you'll not make a canoe out of me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I get it. Because the holes.

[Mae Martin]

Holes in himself. Listen, I did this charity. It was a fundraiser on Sunday, and it's a really chaotic atmosphere because. And full of love and joy, but it's like. The charity helps musicians who struggle with mental health and addiction problems to. To have their music produced and performed. So all the performers there are these very vibrant and eccentric people, and they all had jokes for me. So these are the jokes that they told me, and I'm telling them much worse than they told me, but. And some of them cannot be repeated, the jokes. But it was such a nice evening in memory of my friend, and it was good.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I enjoy these.

[Mae Martin]

And you're in Toronto, Tig? Just for a couple days.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. I got in last night, had my fitting. I have rehearsal, I film tomorrow, and then I fly away.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fly away.

[Mae Martin]

Aren't you always wearing this, like a Star Trek uniform?

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, I know it's a real mystery, but the material that my spacesuit is made out of gets stretched, and they have to make new ones all the time because of the weird material.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh.

[Tig Notaro]

And then sometimes there's like, you know, an explosion and then there's, you know, the suits ablaze. But it's way better than the amount of wardrobe fittings that happen on other TV shows or movies. You know, it's the same thing. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that's smart, actually.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know I have a. I have a three hour costume fitting tomorrow for this new movie I'm gonna be filming.

[Tig Notaro]

That's like, wardrobe is.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, like, three hours of trying to enclose.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, but are you guys like me? Like you? It's kind of almost emotional wardrobe fittings. Like, I get, like a lump in my throat sometimes because if it's really feminine clothes that they want to put me in or, like, why would they.

[Tig Notaro]

Put you in real feminine clothes? What show would do that?

[Fortune Feimster]

And you can tell them that you don't wear that.

[Mae Martin]

I do every time, and then I get there every time and they go, yeah, we got a bunch of just plain T shirts, but they're like V neck or like deep V, like women's T shirts. And I'm like, I know to you these seem like just neutral T shirts, but to me, it. I'm in hell.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, interesting.

[Mae Martin]

But do you get, like, that, like, kind of depressed during wardrobe fittings? Because putting on clothes that don't look good, even if you know you're not gonna be forced to wear them, you're gonna just trying on a bunch of stuff is really.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, I just don't. I find it so, like, exhausting trying on new outfit and then like, oh, I like that green shirt. Let's pull that and put that with. Pair that with the black pants. And then, ooh, let's put that. You know, it just. All of that kind of stuff, it doesn't. I'm not some. I don't like to shop. And so it kind of feels like shopping to me. But, yeah, I think more than anything, like, if I go through the racks of clothes, I'll just be like, oh, my God, I'd never wear that. I would never wear that. And I just zip past it. I see why, like, if there's more deeper. If there's deeper gender stuff attached to.

[Mae Martin]

It also, you're just like, you're putting stuff on, and then two or three people are just standing there looking at you going, I don't know. That looks terrible. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. Sounds like you need a new wardrobe person on your production.

[Fortune Feimster]

I only know if I don't like something but so I'll have, like, a strong no if I don't like it. But other than that, they're like, what do you think? I'm like, I don't care. What do you like it? If you like it, we're good.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So, yeah, I. It's more of a hassle than anything.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I think. I think to avoid putting things on that I'm not comfortable with or that don't speak to me. I mean, I'm sure you do this, too, but I just flip through the rack and I'm like, never, never, never, never, never. Yes, yes, yes. Never, never. Yes, yes. Do you do that?

[Mae Martin]

Never gonna hit that. I need to be better at being like, I. I know I'm not gonna wear that, so I'm not gonna try it on. I often are. You're probably good at photo shoots, too. You know, when they go, yeah, we're not gonna use this one, but just do something wacky for. Hold this rubber chicken and jump in the air and.

[Tig Notaro]

No, no, you won't even use it.

[Mae Martin]

Just give it a go. Like, you just don't do it right. Yeah, see, I'll be like, okay, I guess. And then that's the one they use.

[Tig Notaro]

No, no.

[Fortune Feimster]

With a rubber chicken.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. No, I want to see that. I cannot do those things.

[Mae Martin]

We just want to do handsome portraits.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah. We just want to throw a mustache on my face.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Get someone in a suit.

[Fortune Feimster]

We haven't taken pictures of ourselves in suits in a long time.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Well, I think we. We will maybe have to do that coming up.

[Fortune Feimster]

We will. We had that Holly Bob show, which was so fun.

[Tig Notaro]

That was a grand old time. Can people still get tickets? Can they still watch that?

[Fortune Feimster]

Or you know what? Maybe we'll tell them. Maybe we'll tell Dynasty typewriter to leave the link up through, what, January 2nd?

[Mae Martin]

I think so.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, let's do that.

[Tig Notaro]

So, yeah, let's do that.

[Fortune Feimster]

People want to watch it over tonight in the next couple days. They can still watch our Holly Bob show.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I have the good idea to do that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Our third. Our third. That was our third annual.

[Tig Notaro]

I know.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, God, I love a tradition. It makes life make sense. A little tradition.

[Fortune Feimster]

And we're not going to tell anybody what happened because we want them to be surprised.

[Tig Notaro]

That's right. Because you are not going to believe.

[Fortune Feimster]

You are not going to believe what happened.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you think there's going to be a fourth Holly Bob?

[Fortune Feimster]

Hopefully.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't think we pulled.

[Fortune Feimster]

We pulled this one out last minute. It was Our schedules, like, weirdly aligned at the last minute because I was originally supposed to be out of town.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then at the last minute I was like, actually, I flew back to LA just to do that show.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. So I'm always. I thought the podcast wasn't going to go past the first April, remember? So, yeah, I'm always delighted.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. It's a real surprise. Each April that comes around. It's like, well, here we are again.

[Fortune Feimster]

So what are we, two? We're a little over two years. Two.

[Tig Notaro]

Isn't it more than two and a half?

[Fortune Feimster]

Two and a half. Two and a half.

[Tig Notaro]

Jesus. Feels so much longer.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know.

[Mae Martin]

I lived a thousand lives in that time. I became a father that I. I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my Lord. I used to be married.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. It's crazy. We've made shows and movies now.

[Tig Notaro]

Biggie comes from a broken home.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's from a broken home.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I will.

[Fortune Feimster]

I will toot our horn for. For just a minute. We're about to cross 50 million downloads on this podcast. That's a lot in two and a half years. I'd say that's pretty incredible.

[Tig Notaro]

I still can't believe how many people listen. I know. Like, what, you too?

[Fortune Feimster]

I know.

[Tig Notaro]

So nice.

[Mae Martin]

This is like one of the most successful long term relationships I've had. It's a throuple with the. What's a quadruple? And we all get along. We've never come to blows.

[Fortune Feimster]

And it always surprises me, the different type of people that come up to me. Like, it's not one type of listener.

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

And from all different age groups, backgrounds.

[Mae Martin]

At the charity show in Toronto on Sunday. Actually, it was in my backpack. So I have it. This woman came with her husband and gave me this letter that's all about handsome. And then in it she gave me. She has organized all of the Toronto escape rooms onto a chart.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[Mae Martin]

She made a really detailed chart and it's like. And she put the difficulty and the. So I'm going to do some escape rooms with my parents while I'm here.

[Tig Notaro]

Your parents do that?

[Mae Martin]

They've done two with me in Ireland once and it was really tense because they couldn't understand that they were on the same team and that we're all just trying to get out of the room. And they were so competitive and sort of keeping their clues to themselves. But they're into it, so we're gonna do it.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, that's cool. That's a bon. Would your brother join you?

[Mae Martin]

He would, but he's like, he's like, too smart for it. Almost like he, he. He's a bit like, sometimes you take with a. Would you rather. Where you're like, but why are we doing that? Like, he, I think he would be like, but I can just press the exit button and get out of the room. I'll just press the emergency exit button.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you saying I'm a big bummer?

[Mae Martin]

No, not at all.

[Tig Notaro]

No. It's fine if you're, if you're saying that. I can, you know, if you, if you're ready to ask the question, you're ready to hear the truth. So am I a big bummer?

[Mae Martin]

No, you're the. You're a light in our lives.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune. Am I a big light of my life?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know. What is that?

[Tig Notaro]

You light up my life.

[Fortune Feimster]

You light up my life.

[Mae Martin]

I don't know that one.

[Fortune Feimster]

Really.

[Tig Notaro]

It was a biggie from the seventies.

[Fortune Feimster]

Biggie. Biggie. Biggie. Hello.

[Tig Notaro]

Should we get to our questions?

[Fortune Feimster]

Let's do it.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, girl.

[Mae Martin]

Can I just say really quickly that. Because we said it before and then we had a tech problem, but that today I got told that I look like Bryan Adams. And when I walked into a diner, the chef behind the counter said, look who it is. It's Bryan Adams. And I was racking my brain for, like, is this a reference to something I've done or something? And I said, you think I look like him? He said, yeah, you look exactly like Brian Adams. And I'm really reeling from it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did you start singing? I got my first real 16.

[Tig Notaro]

Ah, fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's the song May.

[Tig Notaro]

Is that offensive to you?

[Mae Martin]

Well, Bryan Adams, actually, when you look at him, is he. I mean, you know, he's talented, which makes him handsome, but he's got kind of a. No, I mean, he's a handsome man, but.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I, I, I'd do him.

[Tig Notaro]

Wouldn't you? I'm sure he's dying for that. Hey.

[Fortune Feimster]

Y. I'd, I'd hit that.

[Mae Martin]

I. The guy said, are you hungry? I said, I would do anything for.

[Fortune Feimster]

Food, but I want. Wait, that's me.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, that's me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Love.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're thinking of anything I do, I do it for you. Do you guys remember how huge that movie was?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Robin Hood.

[Fortune Feimster]

Robin Hood. Kevin Costner and that song. Talk about a horny moment.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. And he's so American in such a British. Fortunately, Tig's not looking at you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why can't you make eye contact with me anymore?

[Tig Notaro]

Cause he's thinking, fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why do you think it was so sexy. It was.

[Tig Notaro]

I think Bryan Adams is cute and I really enjoy his. Like I saw him live. I don't know why I was there and I don't know why I was sidestage, but I was there and I was loving every minute concert. Hell yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I bet he puts on a good show.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh yes he did. And it's just like the greatest hits of your life. And I was like, look at me side stage and Bryan Adams. Anyway, our question asker today is. I've been loving my Tomboy X underwear. They've been making size and gender inclusive underwear for over 10 years. So they know a thing or two about making the perfect pair. They make premium queer design underwear, bras, swimwear and loungewear. They've got 12 different silhouettes to help you find the support that's just right. Their designs are created with all day comfort in mind from sizes extra small through size 6X. So whether you're wearing their premium underwear, bras, swim or loungewear, you'll always feel comfortable in your skin.

[Mae Martin]

Handsome wants to let you know that the Tomboy X year end warehouse sale is live shop. Hundreds of styles on sale at some of the lowest prices of the year. Fill your drawer with your soon to be favorite undies. I've been rocking their briefs. They fit just right. The quality is also noticeably better than other brands I've tried.

[Tig Notaro]

We're confident you're going to love Tomboy X as much as we do. Head over to tomboy x.com and use promo code handsome15 for 15% off your purchase. And tell them Handsome Pods sent you your body is your own. Planned Parenthood believes you should have the freedom to make decisions about your health and future. Whether you need STI testing and treatment, birth control, gender affirming care, abortion, sex education, or another sexual and reproductive health service, Planned Parenthood is there for you and all of us. To be honest, it's hard to ignore.

[Mae Martin]

That across the country, lawmakers are using every play in the book to attack Planned Parenthood and force their personal beliefs on us. They're blocking access to essential health care, trying to deny people birth control and promoting backwards abstinence only until marriage programs. The attacks on our health care and our basic rights, they just don't seem to stop.

[Tig Notaro]

But you know what else doesn't stop Planned Parenthood? The amazing staff and volunteers at Planned Parenthood health centers across the country do whatever they can to help more than 2 million annual patients get high quality, affordable care. Even as some people in power try to stop them Supporters like you power this work. Donate to Support Planned Parenthood now@planned parenthood.org defend guess what? The guys behind the podcast Smart List started a mobile company.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why?

[Tig Notaro]

Because they were tired of getting fleeced by Big Wireless and they think you should be too. Big Wireless has been outsmarting everyone into buying expensive unlimited plans. Here's the truth. Most people use less than 10 gigs each month because they're always on WI fi.

[Mae Martin]

Smartless Mobile offers right size plans based on what you actually use. No contracts, no overage fees, no bs. And great coverage because it runs on the T Mobile 5G network. So you're covered everywhere you'd expect to be. If you're still unsure, try smartless mobile for 14 days. And if you're not happy, you get a full refund. It's that easy. Actually, maybe it's just that smart.

[Tig Notaro]

Visit smartless mobile.com today. Plans start at $10 a month, and for a limited time, you can get your first month free on their 30 gigabyte plan. So you're more than covered. Just use Code Handsome at checkout. Taxes and fees. Extra terms and conditions apply. Don't get outsmarted. Get Smartless Mobile.

[Mae Martin]

Today's question. Oscar is an Emmy nominated actress best known for playing Pam Beasley on the Office. She's also starred in movies like the Giant Mechanical man and 2024's Mean Girls. She co hosts the hit podcast Office Ladies with her friend Angela Kinsey. Jenna Fisher is asking today's question.

[Fortune Feimster]

Man, people freaking love the Office still.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, man, my kids are two of them.

[Jenna Fischer]

Hello, handsome Podcast. Here's my question. Do you have an irrational fear? A fear that. That, you know, intellectually doesn't make any sense. It's false. This thing will never happen. But do you have an irrational fear? And if so, how do you deal with it?

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, I do.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, you do?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yes, I do.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, man, that was quick.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, because it is an irrational fear I deal with. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure I have many, but one that is so irrational. And it's so irrational that I'm going to reveal myself as nuts right now.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm scared to reveal this because I'm scared somebody's gonna do this.

[Fortune Feimster]

Don't do this to Tig, y'. All.

[Tig Notaro]

Don't wait till you hear what it how much this will never happen. I'm scared to. Like when I check into a hotel room and there's a balcony, I am scared. I can't just stand on the balcony and look around. I am scared. There Is somebody under the bed or in the closet who is going to jump out and then throw me off the balcony?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[Mae Martin]

Whoa.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

I wonder where that started.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know. And it's even now transferred to if I'm like in a place like, say I'm in a mall, which is all the time. Let's say I'm in a mall that's like five levels.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Like a galleria type place. I'm. I can't go stand by the edge because I'm like, sure enough, somebody's gonna come run over and toss me over.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my gosh.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I wonder if you, like, saw a movie as a kid or something where that. I know a lot of people, like, have the fear that they're going. Their body's just gonna jump. You know what I mean? But to be like, as soon as I step on that balcony, someone from under the bed is gonna come and just toss.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I'll check in and I look under the bed, I look in the closet. Especially if there balcony. No, fool, you're not tossing me over. So.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that is. I guess that is very irrational.

[Tig Notaro]

It's very irrational.

[Fortune Feimster]

But that's been something you've had since you were young.

[Tig Notaro]

No, it started as an adult probably in the past 20, 30 years. I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Interesting. Are you. Does this allow you to even enjoy any balcony?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Can you. I can't be standing near the edge.

[Fortune Feimster]

But you can sit on a balcony and.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah. I just need to make sure nobody is going to come up behind me and throw me off.

[Fortune Feimster]

I will say that when I filmed in Toronto last summer, whenever that was.

[Tig Notaro]

Yep.

[Fortune Feimster]

I had a balcony on in the apartment that I was staying in. And I loved it. It was so nice because it had a beautiful view of the water. But if I got too close to the edge, like, I would almost like feel like a panic attack coming on. Yeah. And I never had that before.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I was. And I couldn't even look down long because I would start to feel my heart racing.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Have you guys ever gone up the CN Tower?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And you know, it has the glass floor.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

That makes my palms. I go green.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that's tough. But I did it.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, so a stranger or a loved one throwing you off a balcony. That's a good one.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't think a loved one is gonna do it. I think there is a psychopath hiding in my hotel room and they are ready to toss me over. Well, see, I'm. Now I'm Scared I've.

[Fortune Feimster]

No one. No one do that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Scared you've.

[Mae Martin]

Don't do that.

[Tig Notaro]

Don't do that. Just don't.

[Fortune Feimster]

Don't do it.

[Tig Notaro]

Guys.

[Fortune Feimster]

Don't. That's so not cool.

[Tig Notaro]

It's not cool to throw me off balconies?

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[Mae Martin]

Fortune. What about you?

[Fortune Feimster]

I was trying to think. If there's anything I'm, like, afraid of, I will. I mean, this is not like a fear, per se, but I do find myself picking the side of the bed to sleep in that's closest to the door. I don't know what that is.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, two extra steps to safety is what that is.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right. I do. And I oftentimes, when I'm staying by myself, will lock my bedroom door when I sleep.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that's. That makes sense, though.

[Tig Notaro]

Does it?

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, I get. I think I want to, like, know. I think there's some fear there of being startled in my sleep. Clearly.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, but that's evolutionary, you know, you're asleep, you want to be protected. Tig is imagining a psychopath when she's wide awake.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, let's not, like, drag me down like I'm some lunatic and make fortune seem normal.

[Mae Martin]

Listen, no minor, irrational. Mine Are my teeth crumbling out. Like, I. I have a lot of dreams where my teeth are just crumbling in my mouth.

[Tig Notaro]

Thomas, will you look up with that?

[Fortune Feimster]

I think that does mean something.

[Mae Martin]

Really? So then. Because I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think so.

[Mae Martin]

People have that dream. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Means you need calcium. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is helpful.

[Tig Notaro]

Solid means.

[Mae Martin]

Also my mom being mad at me and doing bad on my report card.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's still a fear. Still.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Like, that feels irrational, right? Because I. I don't know. It's like this nagging feeling like I haven't done my homework.

[Tig Notaro]

You're not in school still, are you, though?

[Mae Martin]

Absolutely not.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

I will have nightmares sometimes about forgetting lines on stage, like a theater show. And then. And I'll wake up in a sweat. Like, I do have a teeth fear. I'm not. I know you're not finished, May, but just to talk on, tag onto your teeth thing. I get a little jumpy drinking out of a water fountain because I have a fear that someone's going to come up behind me. Here we go. Because when I was a kid, I was drinking out of water fountain, and my friend thought it'd be funny to kind of bang me into the thing. And luckily it just missed my teeth. But I got a concussion into the water fountain. But I've always had this fear of, like, drinking out of Water fountain and my teeth just, like, smashing into it.

[Mae Martin]

Did the friend feel bad?

[Tig Notaro]

See, you're crazy too.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, we're all nuts.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think we were so young. I think they didn't realize how much that hurt. Like, it physically hurt?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God, that also. I wonder if they've had that feeling of, like, their stomach dropping when they realized what they like, oh, I fucked up.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. Thomas says the most common interpretations for dreaming about your teeth falling out include recent loss or grief, jealousy, increased stress or anxiety, lack of control, big life changes, depression, insecurity or shame, health related fears, or real life dental issues.

[Tig Notaro]

The only thing you don't have on there is real life dental issues.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The rest all rings pretty true.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's like, here's a bazillion what ifs, but it could also just be your teeth need to be fixed.

[Mae Martin]

I'm scared of deep water and aquatic dinosaurs. Like the things that live in the depths and they've been there for thousands of years. Species we don't even know about. Big. Like, they're just growing.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like the Loch Ness Monster.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I don't want anything to do with that guy.

[Tig Notaro]

You don't?

[Mae Martin]

No, I. I'm. I got enough friends.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, doesn't it seem like the Loch Ness Monster and Bigfoot probably know each other?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Feels like they probably have seen each other before.

[Mae Martin]

Like, you know how you imagine, like, people have a certain level of fame? Like if you're. If you're Tom Cruise and you're at a party and you see Brad Pitt, you're like, hey, man, like, I think Loch Ness Monster and bigotry like that.

[Tig Notaro]

That's like. When I went up to Tom Cruise at the party, I was like, hey, man, me too.

[Mae Martin]

I know what it's like to be this handsome.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I know what it's like to look like this, by the way.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Quick question for you, Tig. Are you gonna let Max and Finn stay up to midnight for the countdown or do you do, like, a fake countdown?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I mean, when. When it's not a school night, we let them stay up as late as they want. So even if it's a weekend night, we let them stay up as late as they want. And what's so. Well, yeah. And they're like, yeah, we can stay up as late as we want. And usually they're falling asleep on the couch by like, 9:30.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, so.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And then we watch the east coast ball drop, so they get to see it, but you know, it's only been weird travel time change nights that they've actually made it to some really late hour because they.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I think they're all like. The other day they had three tournament games of baseball in one day. I know. Yeah. So they pretty much. They crash out pretty hard.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Can I tell you guys some common irrational fears?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

That you have.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, that just the world experiences together.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. Spiders.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fear of being watched.

[Mae Martin]

Huh.

[Fortune Feimster]

Then that's called Scope. Scope Phobia.

[Tig Notaro]

So go pop.

[Mae Martin]

Phobia.

[Tig Notaro]

Scope. Just. Just let her go. Just let her. Just let her.

[Fortune Feimster]

This one's a fun. This one's a fun one.

[Tig Notaro]

Fearless letter.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fear of holes.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, I've heard of this. Like even in the.

[Fortune Feimster]

Ain't afraid of no whole fortune. What May. I don't know that there's like sponges or honeycombs.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a thing people are scared of.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah. My friend Steph, the one who got thumbed in the documentary, she's. She's scared of things in close clusters. Like. She is very disturbed, by the way.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I guess it's more common than you think. By the way. I stand by what's wrong with the thumb anyway.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, me too. Actually.

[Tig Notaro]

Watch the documentary and let us know your feelings.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fear of mirrors. Have you guys heard of that?

[Tig Notaro]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

All these have words to them, but I can't pronounce any of them.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. It's like, are they that common that they need a name?

[Fortune Feimster]

Fear of clowns. That's a big one.

[Mae Martin]

That's huge. Right? But I get that because it's like. It's the fakeness of it. It's like you don't. They. They have a smile painted on and you don't know how. What they're feeling underneath. There's like.

[Tig Notaro]

I like to pretend that May is explaining what clowns are to us.

[Mae Martin]

So there's a smile painted on it says.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is often rooted in childhood experiences or unsettling portrayals in media. We blame the movie it for that.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Seriously. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fear of mannequins.

[Tig Notaro]

Are we still on topic or have we.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Irrational fears.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, right, right, right.

[Fortune Feimster]

I won't name all of these. Fear of balloons. Some people are very afraid of them popping unexpectedly.

[Mae Martin]

My friend always says playing with the balloon is like hanging out with a friend that could yell at you at any moment.

[Fortune Feimster]

Some of you have a fear of rain.

[Tig Notaro]

That would be tough, especially in Seattle. That'd be really hard.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm going to be there tomorrow night.

[Tig Notaro]

Who?

[Mae Martin]

The Wicked witch of the West.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's true. I'm melting.

[Tig Notaro]

That's what my secret name for fortune is.

[Mae Martin]

The Wicked Witch of the West.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. How dare you.

[Mae Martin]

Really? Elmira Gulch.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then there's a fear of talking on the phone. Telephobia.

[Tig Notaro]

Ooh, that's a great thing to remember if somebody is contacting you too much.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I'm so sorry. I have telephobia.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, good times. Should we hear Jenna's answer?

[Tig Notaro]

I think we should.

[Mae Martin]

Yes, please.

[Jenna Fischer]

My irrational fear, or maybe it's more of an irrational thought, I don't know. But it does make me feel scared, so I'm calling it a fear. Is that there is a. I don't even want to say it because I think if I say it out loud, it's more likely to be true, but I know that's not true.

[Tig Notaro]

Same.

[Jenna Fischer]

So I think that there's a ghost in my closet. In my office closet.

[Tig Notaro]

I. So silly.

[Jenna Fischer]

And that because I have a tiny window in there and it opens on its own all the time.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, and it's not windy.

[Jenna Fischer]

I latch it, and it unlatches.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, that's definitely a ghost.

[Jenna Fischer]

And I deal with it by telling myself that even if it's true, even if a ghost is unlatching the window, I've lived here for 10 years, and they. They must be a nice ghost.

[Tig Notaro]

I think so.

[Fortune Feimster]

Definitely a ghost. That's the only explanation.

[Mae Martin]

Well, yeah. Also, as we were listening to Jenna's answer, someone, like, is knocking. I think they're locked out somewhere in the. In this Airbnb. But the doors over here, and the knock came from over there, so I don't know. I am spooked right now.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm spooked, too, girl.

[Mae Martin]

I. Girl, goosebumps.

[Fortune Feimster]

I saw you go, like, look like you had seen a ghost.

[Mae Martin]

You just saw my real fear face.

[Fortune Feimster]

What is. Is that the back door that they're knocking on? Yeah, it could be weird.

[Mae Martin]

I don't know. It stopped.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's gone now, but don't answer it.

[Tig Notaro]

When Jenna was talking about the ghost in her closet, it reminded me. Maybe I've talked about this before. It reminded me of an ex of mine. When we lived together, there was a gigantic, like, the size of a hand spider. Maybe that's a little much. Maybe half the size of a hand, palm size. In a spider web in the closet. And she didn't want to disturb it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, no.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. So we had to live with that spider in there.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't think I could have done that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, it was. It Was a struggle, but I guess that's worry.

[Mae Martin]

I worry about retaliation from spiders. Like, I would maybe try to transport.

[Tig Notaro]

It out safely, but she did not want to disturb it.

[Fortune Feimster]

The retaliation being that they, like, talk to their friends and a bunch of them come get you.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Plus, if you talk to your friends and you're a spider and you go, come on, that's eight legs saying, come on.

[Fortune Feimster]

This sounds like an irrational feeling. This sounds irrational.

[Tig Notaro]

What is irrational?

[Fortune Feimster]

That all these spiders are coming to get y' all after one of them.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't think any spiders come to get me.

[Fortune Feimster]

No. May. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Well, it happens with whales and things and, what, crows, like, so there are some animals that will hold a grudge and bring back their friend. Yeah. Do you think Jenna has a. If you had a ghost, a ghostly occurrence that kept happening that was kind of mundane, like, and not threatening, but it kept happening, and there was no explanation, would you want to move house or would you be like, I'll just live with it.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah. Move house. Remember that fortune? Move house. Move house.

[Fortune Feimster]

Move house. I forgot about that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. What's.

[Mae Martin]

What's move house?

[Tig Notaro]

It's just not what we say. We don't say move house.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

We don't say. You don't say move house. And we've already done talked about this.

[Fortune Feimster]

We'd say move into another house. Or.

[Tig Notaro]

Or we'd move.

[Mae Martin]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

I would legit find someone who. Like a ghostbuster.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, like an exorcist almost.

[Fortune Feimster]

I would try that first. No, like, somebody that helps get. Like, I would sage the house first, see if that works. If it's still happening, then bring someone that, like, you know, clears ghost, but there.

[Mae Martin]

But the ghost isn't doing anything wrong.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know, but you can also have a con. My. So my house growing up was, like, wildly haunted, and I talked about it in one of my specials. It's every. People move out of this house every five years or so because it's super haunted. And my mom used to hear stuff all the time. I didn't hear things or see things.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you hear.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, she just heard footsteps all the time. She's. And she said it was. And she said it was not a friendly ghost, and. And it would make a lot of ruckus and noises. And she. It was. She said it got so bad that at one point, she, like, told. She yelled out to the ghost when she was alone one night that if it did not leave us alone, she was gonna call the Duke University paranormal department. And she said after that, it calmed Down.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah. You don't want to include that she threatened it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Whoa. Yeah. Again, I'd be worried it would go.

[Fortune Feimster]

Get its friends, but it clearly hasn't left because I have heard from people who. I got stopped by a guy who said, my best friend lived in your childhood home with his fan. He was a grown man. And I said, can I ask. Did he tell you if that house was haunted? And he said it was the most haunted house the guy had ever lived in.

[Mae Martin]

Really? But you felt. You didn't feel a malevolent presence there like you?

[Fortune Feimster]

I felt inner bad energy for sure.

[Tig Notaro]

Whoa.

[Fortune Feimster]

I. I don't see ghosts. Or, like, I don't. You know, I think some people are susceptible to it. I don't have that thing, but I feel energy very strongly. And I always felt very unsettled in that house.

[Mae Martin]

I wish you were here right now to protect me from whatever's not.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, there's nothing I can do. Just.

[Mae Martin]

Just. You'd get stupid.

[Fortune Feimster]

I just lived. I lived with it. But I slept with a knife under my bed my whole childhood.

[Mae Martin]

I thought you were gonna say you slept with the ghost.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, May. I'm not a whore. Not a ghost whore.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't even know how to contribute to this conversation.

[Mae Martin]

But you would sleep with a knife under your bed? Can you. Can you kill a ghost with a.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because when I was a. When I was a kid, I didn't know my house was haunted. My mom told me years later.

[Mae Martin]

But you just thought that I just.

[Fortune Feimster]

Was scared all the time in this house, and I didn't know why.

[Tig Notaro]

What kind of knife? What are we talking about? Like, a little.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like a kitchen knife.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. But I was always scared. And my mom left me alone a lot in my teenage years because she had a boyfriend that lived.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, we heard about him.

[Fortune Feimster]

So I would be by myself. So my entire high school, I was so scared in this house, and I never knew why. And then years later, I'm having a conversation with my mom, and my mom was like, well, you know, because the house we grew up in was insanely haunted. And I was like, what are you talking about?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, but you were also probably scared because you were a child left alone at home.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I was a teenage. Yes, but I was also a teenager at that point, wasn't I get scared.

[Tig Notaro]

As a 54 year old.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, true. DC look alike. Well, anyway, glad we got our fears out.

[Tig Notaro]

I did. I am, too. It was wonderful to connect once again with both of you. It's.

[Mae Martin]

It's.

[Fortune Feimster]

I feel, I feel much closer to both of you. Yeah, you guys, as a special treat to our listeners, I looked at our calendar because we were gonna, we were gonna leave up that link till January 2nd to our Holly Bob's Christmas Extravaganza. That's a very fun watch. Why don't we leave it up through that weekend that people can have that entire weekend. So January 4th, that link will be available.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh my gosh. We're just giving it away at this point.

[Fortune Feimster]

You can still have a Hollywob's party this weekend with your friends.

[Mae Martin]

Tag us in your pics. If you get people together and you're watching it, we want to see you.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was a.

[Tig Notaro]

Even if you don't get anyone together.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

If it's just you and your ghost, just watch it. It was super fun. We always go off the rails and you know, it's, it's a good, a good fun time. So we hope you guys enjoy it. So you can check out that link. We'll have it posted. But it'[e-mail] for that link.

[Tig Notaro]

It's true. Well, should we share what we're up to? I mean, if anybody cares anymore what we're up to. I mean I have tour dates. If I. If anyone cares.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, let's hear it.

[Tig Notaro]

They're coming up. I mean, grab a piece of paper. What'd you say?

[Mae Martin]

Me? I love that type of person. Well, I'm doing fine. If anyone cares.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, I don't know if you care at all what I'm up to, but if you do, grab a pen and a paper and write down that I'll be in Fort Lauderdale on January 14th. I'll be in Orlando January 15th. I'll be in Tampa January 6th, 16th, which is yes, both of my parents birthday. And then Fayetteville, Arkansas, February 19, Oklahoma City, February 20. And the list goes on Midland, Texas, February 21. Also do check out Come See Me in the Good Light, the incredible, beautiful documentary on Apple TV that maybe I produced. And maybe it made the short list of Oscar nomination possibilities.

[Mae Martin]

I am at Largo in LA on January 13 with Lisa Gilroy doing a show called May and Lisa's Surprise Party that we're gonna surprise each other with stuff. It's gonna be fun. And then I'm about to go on tour. If you go to maymartin.net I'm doing 47 shows. I'm coming to all these cities I've never been to. And also check out my album, I'm a TV on Spotify. Or wherever you get your music and listen to. That's right, emo tunes.

[Tig Notaro]

Also, if you want extra dates of my tour, go to tignotaro.com because there's a lot more tour days there. Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm in Vancouver, actually right now. Tonight I'll be in Vancouver if you want to check that show out. Seattle, Washington for New Year's Eve tomorrow. And then I got New Orleans, Mobile, Alabama, Atlanta, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Milwaukee, Des Moines, a bunch of places. New York City at the Beacon, Philly. Lots of places.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

FortuneFreeFeemster.com Nice.

[Tig Notaro]

My friends, we're busy little bees.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a fun pod to end our year out on. I appreciate you guys. And another. I'm looking forward to another awesome year ahead.

[Tig Notaro]

I know. I hope we make it to April 2026.

[Mae Martin]

My resolution is to keep it handsome, as always.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, let's do it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Let's do it.

[Tig Notaro]

Also, please rate and review us and subscribe to the podcast. You have no idea how helpful that is with keeping this podcast going. Subscribe, rate, review. Also YouTube. Check it out. A lot of silliness going on on YouTube. And until next time.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, what?

[Tig Notaro]

Go ahead.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, just thank you guys. Thank you to everyone who's listened this year and continues to support us. We really appreciate it. This is such a fun treat for us to do. The pod and the fact that you guys listen and enjoy it means so much to us. So thank you guys.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. So, and please feel free to share your favorite episodes and build this wonderful, handsome, pretty little community.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And until next time, keep it handsome.

[Mae Martin]

Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail] and please, please follow us on social media. ANSOMEPOD what a pod.

[Fortune Feimster]

Podcast Podcast.

[Mae Martin]

What a podcast. That was a hitgum podcast. You know what's smart? Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking that you brought your reusable mug to the coffee shop. Nothing's better than sipping barista brewed coffee out of my own personal mug.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.