Pretty Little Episode #58

Summary

Handsome Podcast — Episode #58: "Pretty Little Episode"

Hosts: Mae Martin & Tig Notaro
Date: September 26, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this "Pretty Little Episode," Mae Martin and Tig Notaro hold down the fort without Fortune Feimster and share an intimate, funny, and occasionally profound conversation about daily routines, family influences, small personal stories, and listener questions. Topics range from skincare and quitting smoking to claustrophobic elevator rides, pop culture inherited from parents, and advice for staying single and self-focused after a breakup. As always, the tone is candid, quirky, and supportive, making listeners feel like they're hanging out with two hilarious friends.

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1. Catching Up & Self-Care Chat

[01:01 - 04:29]

• Skincare & Appearance Rituals:

  • Mae quips about just using foundation (no "boy brow" or "lip taint") to record, setting a light, playful tone.
  • Tig shares her minimalist face wash and moisturizer routine, attributing her low-maintenance routine, in part, to "hydrating from the inside."
    • Quote: "I'm hydrating from the inside." — Tig Notaro [02:20]
  • Both hosts reflect on their mothers’ youthful looks:
    • Mae recounts her mom being mistaken for her sister ("We will be dining off that for weeks and months" [02:59]).
    • Tig aspires to inherit her mother’s great skin, even being complimented in a coma ("When my mother was dying... she has such great skin." — Tig Notaro [02:25])

• Smoking: Habits & Quitting:

  • Mae confesses she’s still smoking, despite having quit in her 20s and her intent to stop.
  • Tig shares her own quitting journey (making herself sick on Swisher Sweets cigars and peach beer).
    • Quote: "I quit at 25, saying I don't want to be 50, saying I wish I had quit at 25." — Tig Notaro [05:33]
  • Tig jokes about recreating her disastrous quit method for the podcast.

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2. Mae’s Elevator Ordeal in New York City

[05:48 - 09:20]

• Storytelling: Mae describes getting stuck in a hotel elevator with a "Russian oligarch" and his wife; the man ignores her anxiety, fixes the elevator by pushing all the buttons, and bluntly states, "Actually, it's not scary."
  • Quote: "No hesitation, goes, actually, it's not. And stops, starts pressing the buttons, and somehow fixes it." — Mae Martin [06:39]
  • The tension is palpable, especially between the Russian couple.
    • Quote: "I felt like she was embarrassed of him when he said it's not scary because it clearly was." — Mae Martin [08:29]
  • Mae’s panic quickly disappears when the issue is resolved, but she and Tig bond over past experiences with being stuck in small spaces.
    • Quote: "If I was in there, I would have been in a complete spiral." — Tig Notaro [08:51]

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3. Listener Question #1: "What did your parents get you into?"

[10:16 - 17:08]

• Listener Bea’s Question:
  Bea, the child of two moms (one named Mare), asks what Mae and Tig’s parents introduced them to.

  • Both hosts delighted by the name Mare and two-mom families.

• Mae’s Answer:

  • "Funny Girl" with Barbra Streisand—her mom insisted on classic films, and though Mae resisted, she became obsessed.
    • Quote: "I was like, funny Girl. I don't know. And then when I finally watched it... I was so obsessed with Funny Girl." — Mae Martin [11:42]

• Tig’s Answer:

  • Her mother (and grandmother) made her listen to Willie Nelson, particularly the "Redheaded Stranger" album, which she resisted as a child but grew to appreciate.
    • Quote: "I would say what my mother got me into that I wasn't necessarily into deeply as a small child was Willie Nelson." — Tig Notaro [14:17]

• Bea’s Follow-up:

  • The most significant thing her mom got her into was Alison Bechdel’s work (e.g., "Fun Home" and "Dykes to Watch Out For").
    • Brief explanation of Bechdel’s significance and works, with recommendations from Tig.

• Modern Role Reversal:
  Mae notes how their own kids are now introducing them to new things like Kendrick Lamar, Eminem, and Blink-182.

  • Quote: "Between Kendrick, Eminem and Blink182, that's what we pick up and drop Max and Finn off to." — Tig Notaro [17:39]

• Mae jokingly imitates Tom Delonge from Blink-182:

  • Quote: “[In a Tom Delonge voice] Where are you, the angel from my nightmares?” [18:13]

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4. Listener Question #2: Staying Single After a Breakup

[18:22 - 23:47]

• Angela from Columbus’ Situation:
  Recently out of a 7-year relationship, Angela asks for tips on staying single and motivated to focus on herself.

• Hosts’ Advice:

  • Mae:
    • Prioritize solo activities, reading, friendly adventures, and willpower. Take yourself away from relationship temptations—“go to the woods,” she jokes.
      • Quote: "Find your single friends and go on little friend vacations. And it is just willpower, isn't it?" — Mae Martin [19:49]
  • Tig:
    • Emphasizes the importance of making deep, personal changes—those you do privately, not just performatively.
      • Quote: "Everything you have been doing that isn't working has to change for the change that you want to see." — Tig Notaro [20:25]
    • Suggests helping others as a healing way to gain perspective: volunteering, animal shelters, etc.
      • Quote: "Whatever it is. That is really, really healing and gives you a much bigger picture on life." — Tig Notaro [23:44]
    • Advises listeners not to beat themselves up over setbacks or relapses, and to take their own advice.
      • Quote: "It's really good to take your own advice. It helps me." — Tig Notaro [21:52]

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5. Show Sign-off and Takeaways

[23:47 - End]

• Hosts thank listeners, encourage more questions at "speakpipe.com/handsomepod," and reiterate their enjoyment of listener participation.
  • Quote: "It's such a joy to do the questions of our listeners... I'm always so curious what our listeners have to say." — Tig Notaro [23:58]
• A genuine, warm good-bye, channeling the Handsome spirit—humorous, supportive, and inclusive.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Mae on skincare: “I just went to the gym, but I mainly went for the sauna.” [01:06]
• Tig recalling her tobacco/beer quit attempt: “I made myself so sick to my stomach… I was throwing up. It was so disgusting.” [04:58]
• On elevator panic: “That’s what my next question was going to be... what is Mae at a 10 in a 45-story stuck elevator?” — Tig [09:21]
• Mae on parental recommendations: "Anytime my mom would suggest something, I would instinctively want to hate it..." [11:10]
• Tig on true self-care: "It's the changes that you're doing privately and quietly that you're not promoting or posting or blabbing about." [20:25]
• Tig: “It's really good to take your own advice. It helps me.” [21:52]
• Mae: "You also have to... grieve that. And it's okay to be a mess for a little while." [22:54]

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Key Takeaways

• Parenthood’s Ripples: The cultural tastes (films, music) of parents can quietly shape who we are—sometimes in ways we only appreciate later.
• Vulnerability is Relatable: Stories about fears (like Mae’s elevator panic) are endearing and universal, prompting laughter and real talk.
• Recovery & Solitude: Real personal change following breakups is uncomfortable, private work—progress is uneven, and being gentle with oneself is key.
• Listeners Build the Show: The format’s warmth and inclusiveness are cemented by actively incorporating listener voices, making for a collaborative community feel.

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Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |---------------------------------------------------------|----------------| | Skincare & routines chat | 01:01 - 04:29 | | Quitting smoking stories | 04:29 - 05:48 | | Mae’s elevator ordeal | 05:48 - 09:20 | | Listener Bea—parents’ influences | 10:16 - 17:08 | | Kids introducing art/music to parents | 17:20 - 18:22 | | Listener Angela—advice on being single/self focus | 18:22 - 23:47 | | Wrap up & messages to listeners | 23:47 - End |

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Summary prepared for listeners and non-listeners alike: lighthearted, genuine, and full of the supportive camaraderie Mae and Tig are known for. If you love warm, offbeat advice and relatable tales, this episode is a delight.

Transcript

[Mae Martin]

This is a Headgun podcast. Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart. Unfortunately not. Checking for greedy seagulls at the beach is not smart. You know the type. Those birds that see your ice cream and they hover at exactly the right distance until you look away and then they pounce.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Mae Martin]

Pretty little episode. Welcome to the handsome pod. This is one of your pretty little episodes with two of your pretty little hosts. Me, myself. May Martin join by me.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Tig Notaro, the other pretty little host. Boy, do we look pretty today. Don't we?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, we do, actually. Yeah. I just went to the gym, but I mainly went for the sauna.

[Tig Notaro]

Now, do you work out with makeup on? Because I know makeup is a big part of your life. Do you wear makeup in workouts and do you wear makeup in the sauna?

[Mae Martin]

Thank you so much for asking.

[Tig Notaro]

Absolutely. The fans want to know.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, no, I don't wear makeup when I work out or in the sauna, but I do. I did put it on to record today.

[Tig Notaro]

Just.

[Mae Martin]

Just a simple. A simple foundation. Nothing crazy. Didn't do the boy brow.

[Tig Notaro]

Didn't do the lip taint, the imaginary clear mascara.

[Mae Martin]

Clear mascara, invisible makeup. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I just. I cleaned my face with soap and water. Well, face wash and water. And got right on. Right on the mic.

[Mae Martin]

Did you put moisturizer on after or. No.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I wash with face wash and then a moisturizer. I dry my hair. I put my glasses on.

[Mae Martin]

The hair's looking good, too.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you.

[Mae Martin]

It's looking kind of tousled and. And punk. It's good. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Amazing.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. But I know you hydrate from the inside out, and that's partly why I think you don't have to do a lot. There you go.

[Tig Notaro]

There I am. That is hydrating. I'm hydrating from the inside.

[Mae Martin]

I love that.

[Tig Notaro]

Listen, it's no secret, especially when you see me in person, the aging process is going on, and it is, as they say, it's an honor to age. When my mother was dying, people commented even when she was in a coma, like, God, she has such great skin.

[Mae Martin]

To have that be your legacy, I want that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And so I'm hoping I can skate by with a simple face wash and moisture moisturizer and pull off what my mother did.

[Mae Martin]

Both of our mothers are very. I, I recently saw my parents in Toronto, and my mom came out to an event and someone commented, oh, you look like May's sister. We will be dining off that for weeks and months. Yeah, she really does. It's crazy. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

That's incredible.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. She did tell me my suit looked like pajamas, but that's okay.

[Tig Notaro]

And be fair.

[Mae Martin]

Did they, you know, isn't that the style or did. It Isn't these days, like, people are wearing these baggy, boxy suits, and I thought, I thought that would be me, but in the. I did look a little like a little boy in his dad's suit.

[Tig Notaro]

But, you know, that's still a good look.

[Mae Martin]

That's a charming look. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you ever sneak in and put your dad's suit on or any of his clothes or.

[Mae Martin]

No, I don't think I did. I just stole his cigarettes.

[Tig Notaro]

Does he still smoke?

[Mae Martin]

He doesn't. Except sometimes I think maybe he. Sometimes I'll go out for a cigarette and my mom will say, james, do you want to go have a cigarette with May? And it's like being given the option means he goes, no, I'm good. But, yeah, yeah, but I'm never gonna smoke again. I gotta quit.

[Tig Notaro]

Wait, you're never gonna smoke again?

[Mae Martin]

Gotta quit smoking.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you quit?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I quit all through my 20s and then started in the pandemic. And then I, I go periods where I don't smoke, but it's not right.

[Tig Notaro]

But are you not smoking right now?

[Mae Martin]

No, I am. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, okay.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I don't talk about it much on the pod because it's like, I, I really want to quit. And the more I talk about it, the more I don't quit. But. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you want to try my process? I know I've shared it.

[Mae Martin]

What's yours? Just don't smoke or.

[Tig Notaro]

No, I, I, I smoked. I inhaled Swisher Sweets, cigars.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, and that's what you were like? My body says no.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I inhaled Swisher Sweets. Did I not tell you this?

[Mae Martin]

I, it rings a bell. Like.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, I. So I inhaled Swisher Sweets while drinking peach flavored beer.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, Christ.

[Tig Notaro]

And I made myself so sick to my stomach. That lasted like, I got, I got drunk on peach flavored beer while inhaling Swisher Sweets. And so I was hungover. I was throwing up. It was so disgusting.

[Mae Martin]

Maybe we'll do it on the pod. Like, I'll, we'll record and I'll, I'll get some Swisher Sweets and some peach beer.

[Tig Notaro]

Thomas put it on the list.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, we'll watch me just ruin myself.

[Tig Notaro]

I would love that. Not for you to be ruined, but.

[Mae Martin]

To watch that process.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I would. Yeah, I would. It was so disgusting. And. But I'm. I. I quit at 25 saying I don't want to be 50, saying I wish I had quit at 25.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And that gross combo got me here.

[Mae Martin]

My parents quit at around 40, and so I got. I got two years or a year and a half. But, yeah, take. I got stuck in an elevator.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, May, I know.

[Mae Martin]

And I thought of you. I got into this elevator in New York.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

I was staying on the 45th floor.

[Tig Notaro]

Mae Marie.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. And it was right. Like, the hotel's right next to Central park, and it's late at night, and I get in the elevator right before the doors close, this Russian, like, oligarch, like, this really rich Russian guy gets in with his wife. They're obviously fighting. It's tents. And we go up to the 45th floor, and we stop at 44, and the doors are closed. Like, there's like a. And it stops. And so I'm like. And I press the door open button. Nothing happens.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh.

[Mae Martin]

Few minutes go by, then I press again, and the doors open an inch, and then stop, and we're between floors, and we're on in this old hotel. And I go, this is scary. And the Russian guy, no hesitation, goes, actually, it's not. And stops, starts pressing the buttons, and somehow fixes it. And we. We go to the next floor. But his.

[Tig Notaro]

How did he fix it? I need to know this, because he.

[Mae Martin]

He just. He went nuts on the buttons. He did everything you're not supposed to do. He just pressed, like, door closed and pressed 45 again, then pressed lobby then. But I love how he was like, actually, it's not scary.

[Tig Notaro]

Let me write this down.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

So it's 45, door close. Did he also. Did he also push the firefighter hat?

[Mae Martin]

No, I've always wanted to push that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Does that just alert firefighters right away?

[Tig Notaro]

I guess I. I don't know what it does, May, but I wish you had called me even if I was asleep. That is a phone call. Even if you were stuck for just, you know, 30 seconds. Yeah, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Take. I don't know what to do.

[Tig Notaro]

Were you scared or concerned or.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, yeah, Like. Like, yeah, like really scared.

[Tig Notaro]

Or were you a little like, whoa, what's happening?

[Mae Martin]

I thought, well, first I thought, okay, this is going to be 10 minutes or something. Then I thought, and did that sound.

[Tig Notaro]

Like a short amount? 10 minutes?

[Mae Martin]

No, long, long.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, good. Okay.

[Mae Martin]

But then it was when I remembered how high up we were and the, like, if we just plummeted, what would happen? But there was something reassuring about this guy being like, no, this is not scary. And it felt like he'd killed a man. Like he'd seen a lot and this was nothing to him. But his wife was so mad at him. It was just a tense moment.

[Tig Notaro]

Did she not come around and feel like, oh, you're my hero? Like, did she not come through the anger?

[Mae Martin]

She didn't speak a word through this whole process. And I felt like she was embarrassed of him when he said it's not scary because it clearly was.

[Tig Notaro]

And how old was he?

[Mae Martin]

40.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I pictured him like white haired.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

Anyway, it wasn't, you know, in the end, not much of a story, except actually it's not scary.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, it could have been quite a story. You know what, it is a story enough. Because if I was in there, I would have been in a complete spiral.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah. Once it's happened to you once, like, and you being stuck in that bathroom, you're like, I know how this could go and this could be my whole day.

[Tig Notaro]

And what is the level of panic you felt from 1 to 10?

[Mae Martin]

I started at like a 6 or a 7. Like, I instantly went there and then luckily it quickly resolved, but I was getting ready to go up to a 10. I don't know what that would have looked like.

[Tig Notaro]

That's what my next question was going to be is, what is May at a 10 in a 45 story stuck elevator?

[Mae Martin]

I think it would have been making some phone calls, calling the, you know, the Secretary of Defense or something. Like, I would have been like, let's go to the top with this and get this.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you really want to go to the Secretary of Defense in this administration?

[Mae Martin]

No. No, I don't. They probably say it was a trans elevator.

[Tig Notaro]

And to be fair, you know, a third of it was.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, you're right, you're right. They'd be like, yeah, this checks out.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, this. Actually, you're right. It's a, it's one third trans elevator. Well, I'm glad you made it through safely.

[Mae Martin]

Me too, because otherwise I wouldn't be here with you getting ready to listen to some questions.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, well, that's a really great. Speaking of trans, should we transition into questions?

[Mae Martin]

Famously, trans people are amazing at transitions.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah. So let's do it.

[Mae Martin]

Let's do it.

[Bea]

Hello, my name is Bea, and I have two moms. And one of them, the one that I actually call Mare, she really likes the handsome pod, and so she told me I had to listen to it. And so I've started listening to the handsome pod, and I'm making my way through. And so my question for you is, what is something that your parents got you into?

[Mae Martin]

Thanks. Imagine if that was Max or Finn calling.

[Tig Notaro]

How amazing that her mother is called Mare.

[Mae Martin]

That's so cool.

[Tig Notaro]

I love that.

[Mae Martin]

I know. And that Mare listens to the pod. That's so cool.

[Tig Notaro]

Hello to Mare and all of the other Mares.

[Mae Martin]

Yes, all the. All the two mom families. I have mine, definitely. And it's. It's Funny Girl with Barbra Streisand. And I. I guess I was. Yeah, 8 or 9 or 10, and I was like, anytime my mom would suggest something, I would instinctively want to hate it or not watch it because it was like, a constant. Like, I was having to watch, like, Dead Man Walking and these, like, you know, Easy Rider, these 1970s movies that she wanted to show me. And so I was like, funny Girl. I don't know. And then when I finally watched it, I was like, oh, my God. Like, this woman is. I mean, it blew my mind. I was so obsessed with Funny Girl.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. So that was satisfying for her. And then I would listen to, like, the vinyl of Barbra Streisand live and in Central Park. I think it is. She does a show. I think she smoked a joint on stage. It was like Babs. Yeah. Bab's rebellious period. So Babs was that for me.

[Tig Notaro]

Stephanie and I went and saw Babs in recent years and didn't feel terribly rebellious.

[Mae Martin]

No. Now very much.

[Tig Notaro]

It's so, like. It's. I mean, I don't know what it was back then, but it's definitely like a. A scripted performance. Like, she really has, you know, a teleprompter. Yeah, she does like it. It's. Yeah, but it was. It was so, so great. She. Stephanie posted a clip years ago after we went of. At the end of some song that Bab sing, she ends it with, you bet your ass. Oh, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God. Yes. So good.

[Tig Notaro]

We just looked at each other and we were like, oh, my God.

[Mae Martin]

I love that she scripted that, too.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God. And. And it's like, now that I'm saying it, I should end my show, like.

[Mae Martin]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

After my closer. I should be like, you bet your ass. And then just walk off stage checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart. Unfortunately, not. Checking your mail on a regular basis is not smart. You don't want to miss the one super special handwritten card amidst all the junk mail and bills.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Tig Notaro]

That's great. My mother loved Barbra Streisand as well.

[Mae Martin]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God. The Guilty album. And when you said Funny Girl, I immediately thought of how obsessed with Gilda Radner my mother was. And we were just raised on Gilda. But I would say the thing that. When I say. Because I naturally loved Gilda Radner, you know, like, that wasn't like, she got me into it. Yeah, into her. But I would say what my mother got me into that I wasn't necessarily into deeply as a small child was Willie Nelson.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, nice.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. My mother and my father's mother loved and lived by Willie Nelson.

[Mae Martin]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, Willy, Willy, Willie, and.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, Willy doesn't feel like that he would naturally attract, like, a child audience. Like, you'd have to be introduced to him.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I mean, my brother and I would go on road trips. You know, they were big in our mind when we were little, to go from, like, the. This one town where our family live to another town that was, like, two or three hours away. And we'd go on a road trip and we'd listen to on the Road Again, you know, and just sing along. And that was fun, but, like, to really get into the songs and the albums. And I remember when I was in fourth grade, my mother got Melson, Willie Nelson's Redheaded Stranger album. And I was like, I don't want this. And she was like, all right, well, then I'll keep it. But, yeah, I would say Willie Nelson.

[Mae Martin]

That's like, grade four is around the age where, like, let's say there's, like, a school presentation where you have to do, like, a lip sync. And. And kids are not trying to be cool yet, so they're coming in with these weird things that their parents got them into. Like. Yeah, I think I did a lip sync to Hair that the musical. Like, one of this. And it was just so purely. Just that my parents had got me into it. Or, like, I can imagine you talking about Willie Nelson at school and. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Yeah, for sure.

[Mae Martin]

All right, well, I want to hear Bea's Answer.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

What did Mare teach me to answer.

[Bea]

My own question, aside from the Handsome pod. And if I'm staying on the theme of queer media, it would probably be Alison Bechdel. Thanks.

[Mae Martin]

Alison Bechdel. Is that like the Bechdel test?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And she is the. She did Fun Home and then also she wrote the Dykes to Look out for Love.

[Mae Martin]

That. When was that?

[Tig Notaro]

I first came across it in like the early 90s. Thomas, can you tell me. Oh, yeah, Thomas is sending us these notes too that are correct. Fun Home and Dykes to Watch Out For. She's amazing. Did you see Fun Home?

[Mae Martin]

No. What is a movie?

[Tig Notaro]

It is the most gorgeous, perfect play, really and musical that has ever existed. What? Yes. And it is about Alison's life.

[Mae Martin]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like I've referenced it on here.

[Mae Martin]

Dykes to Watch Out For. Is that just a list?

[Tig Notaro]

It's. Well, it's a comic strip. Oh, yeah. Oh, nice.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I'll check that out. Well, good job to be's mayor.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Excellent stuff to be introduced to. Especially Handsome Max and Finn are probably.

[Mae Martin]

Introducing you to stuff that like, you didn't know you were going to be into baseball and, you know, magic cards and stuff.

[Tig Notaro]

I didn't know I was going to be into Kendrick Lamar.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, yeah. Kendrick Lamar. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Or Eminem. I mean, like I. We. That's. And Blink 182.

[Mae Martin]

God, they're good.

[Tig Notaro]

I never paid much attention to Blink 182.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And now every morning.

[Mae Martin]

No way.

[Tig Notaro]

The. Oh, between Kendrick, Eminem and Blink182, that's what we pick up and drop Max and Finn off to.

[Mae Martin]

I mean, so funny.

[Tig Notaro]

We pull up to those tunes pumping out of our window.

[Mae Martin]

Have you heard the song Miss you by Blink182? Because you got Mark Hoppus who sings kind of like a normal. A normal man. And then whenever it's Tom. What's his name, Tom delong's verse, he comes in and on that song, it's such a beautiful song. And then he comes in and goes. Where are you the angel from my nightmares? I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight. That's great.

[Tig Notaro]

That's really good, man. Yeah, yeah, that's in our rotation as well.

[Mae Martin]

Love it. Should we hear another question?

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, we should. That's why we're here.

[Angela]

Hey, handsomes. This is Angela from Columbus, Ohio. I need some advice. I am recently single out of a seven year relationship and I am really needing to stay single for a while to work on myself and figure out more about who I am and what I Want in the future. So what are some things that have helped you in the past stay motivated to get through a time where you just needed to spend more time with yourself. Thank you. Love you.

[Mae Martin]

Great question.

[Tig Notaro]

What has kept me motivated? What has kept us motivated to, like, reconnect with yourself?

[Mae Martin]

It sounds like maybe she's aware in herself of a tendency to get into another relationship or feel like, like, defined by being in a relationship and wants to build a. I mean, look, she's speaking my language. I am, really. I relate. You got to go to the woods. You gotta get your lights, get your synthesizer. Yeah. Load up tuber. Get your clear mascara and get out to the woods. No, I think like reading and talking to friends. Find your single friends and go on little friend vacations. And it is just willpower, isn't it?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And I guess if you really picture yourself older down the road, not making those changes and not making the shifts that you need to make to attract, you have to be a completely different person. You have to make those deep changes. And everything you have been doing that isn't working has to change.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

For the change that you want to see. And it's the changes that you're doing privately and quietly that you're not promoting or posting or blabbing about. It's just like really deep, quiet changes, like, where you're really challenging yourself. You're not racing, challenging, competing, anybody other than yourself of like, I gotta make this shift.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And you have to track your shift and make sure you're still staying on course. Because it's not fun.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

It's. It's uncomfortable.

[Mae Martin]

And so often we, like, when we do take care of ourselves, it's. It's either for someone else or like, you got like. I was feeling sad a few weeks ago and kind of rocked. And then I was like, fuck. I got a. I got a week of press coming up, so I've got to sleep. I got to eat. I just don't have time to fall apart. And so I really did good. And I, like, I went to the gym and I was sleeping, and then it's like. But I shouldn't need that week on the horizon to motivate that, like, I. I should be able to care for myself. Like, care for myself the way I would for someone else and, like, feel worth that care, you know?

[Tig Notaro]

I also think it's really. It's such a bumper sticker. But it's true of, like, take your own advice.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

It's really good to take your own advice. It helps me you mean like the.

[Mae Martin]

Way you would talk to a friend, talk to yourself.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, should I call that person? Should I. It's like, no, no, absolutely not. Or should I move on from this business venture that is proving to be difficult or doesn't bring me joy or doesn't really celebrate the arts or you know, like where my insides are telling me this doesn't this, yeah. This isn't the road that leads to happiness. Like true joy. And then you've ripped the band aid off, but then there's freedom there. And when you're going in a whole new direction.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Because you've, you've been down that path. You've already gone. You know what's down that road? It's an old road, you know so well.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And it has not ever, time and time again, led to anything.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. And also, don't beat yourself up if you have little relapses or you, you, you know, like, you also have to, you just got out of a seven year relationship. Like, you, you will have to grieve that. And it's okay to be a mess for a little while and just rely on your, like, you don't have to instantly be like, okay action and self care and I'm going to like, you know, that stuff will come. Sounds like she knows exactly what she wants.

[Tig Notaro]

And I also want to just throw in. It also can make you feel so good if you help out other people.

[Mae Martin]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Whether it's delivering food to homeless people or whether it's visiting animal shelters.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Whatever it is. That is really, really healing.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And gives you a much bigger picture on life.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Angela didn't send an answer, but good luck. Angela.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

We're thinking about you.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, we are.

[Mae Martin]

Or we were for this period of time.

[Tig Notaro]

And we do really love hearing. I mean, it's such a joy to do the questions of our listeners. I mean, it's a joy to do our, our regular episodes. But I just, I, I'm always so curious what our listeners have to say.

[Mae Martin]

Me too.

[Tig Notaro]

If you want to, please submit questions and advice requests to speakpipe.com handsomepod please.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. And in the meantime, yeah, keep it pretty. Handsome Handsome Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media at Handsomepod. What a podcast.

[Angela]

What a podcast.

[Mae Martin]

That was a hitgun podcast. Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart. Unfortunately, not checking all your ingredients when baking a cake is not smart. Accidentally subs accidentally. Substituting salt for sugar is not going to be a crowd pleaser at this weekend's birthday party.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.