Pretty Little Episode #71

Summary

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Handsome Podcast — Pretty Little Episode #71 (December 26, 2025)

Hosts: Tig Notaro, Mae Martin
Episode Theme: Lighthearted post-holiday reflections, listener questions, and comedically earnest life advice.
Special Guest Host: This episode is just Tig and Mae — Fortune's absence is referenced playfully.

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Episode Overview

This “Pretty Little Episode” is a cozy, post-holiday catch-up between Tig Notaro and Mae Martin. The duo reflects on Christmas and traditions like Boxing Day, shares personal stories about musical instruments and reality TV, and, as always, answers listener-submitted questions with humor and warmth. Topics range from hypothetical laws to the ultimate “retirement job,” making the episode an embodiment of Handsome’s friendly, freewheeling vibe.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Post-Holiday Vibes & Boxing Day Traditions

[00:48–02:41]

• Boxing Day Explained: Tig googles the origins of Boxing Day for her and Mae’s benefit, noting it’s not widely celebrated in the US, but has significance in the UK and Canada, with roots in giving boxes of gifts or alms to service workers or the poor.

  • Tig: “It’s named after the practice of giving Christmas boxes filled with gifts, money, and food to servants and tradespeople who had to work on Christmas Day. Or, it could come from the church alms boxes…” [01:38]

• Comparing Holiday Sales: Mae wonders about post-Christmas sales; Tig points out in the US, big shopping days like Black Friday and Cyber Monday are tied to Thanksgiving—Christmas sales aren’t as prominent.

• Personal Habits: Both confess little enthusiasm for shopping and stress the appeal of homemade/artistic gifts.

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2. Musical Aspirations & the Difficulty of Instruments

[02:52–06:22]

• Tig’s Home Studio: She reveals a new drum machine, adding to an array of instruments, aiming to compose complete songs solo:

  • Tig: “What I want is to be able to create a full song just by myself…” [03:48]

• Instrument Talk: They compare musical (and non-musical) skills—Mae pretended to play flute, but actually played trumpet in school.

• Admiration for Strings: The challenges and beauty of playing violin/fiddle are discussed, via stories about The Chicks and the Watkins Family Hour.

  • Tig: “As soon as that violin comes in, you just... you want to weep. Like, it’s so beautiful.” [05:44]
  • They fantasize about adding violin to their podcast theme.

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3. Reality TV & Game Shows

[06:33–10:49]

• Survivor Obsession: Tig is a religious Survivor fan (“Of course. Every week.” [06:53]) and talks about the excitement for the upcoming all-stars season 50.
• Would the Hosts Compete?:
  • Mae would never go on Survivor or similar shows due to anxiety (“there’s not a chance in hell I would do that show” [07:44]), but is open to trivia/game shows despite the pressure of timers.
  • Tig offers this tip for surviving TV game show stress: “I think it’s always a good strategy to just...and say something really confidently because then funny stuff comes out.” [08:50]
• Deceitful Games: Mae shares hilarious stressful memories from Mafia, admitting to being a convincing liar “for the game.”

Memorable Moment:

• Tig recounts a fart-related anecdote from UK Celebrity Traitors—Celia Imrie’s “owning up” to an accidental noise lights up both comedians.
  • Mae: “I love that.” [10:35]
  • Tig: “Don’t you wish people were more confident with a well timed fart?” [10:37]

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Listener Questions Segment

4. If You Could Pass a (Low-Stakes) Law …

[11:30–15:28]
Caller: Sarah from Maine

“If you could pass a law that’s not super high stakes…what law would you pass and why?” [11:33]

• Tig’s Pick: Ban the phrase “Okay, slowly backing away now”—especially in real-life convo.

• Mae’s Reflection: Not as irked by it, but finds it funny.

• Curriculum Reform: Both get thoughtful, wishing schools taught more relationship skills, emotional literacy, creativity, and financial know-how.

  • Tig: “We should be teaching relationship skills and schools and financial literacy and gender...and better history…” [12:51]
  • Mae: “Throwing in...empathy classes, and emotional intelligence, communication stuff.” [13:17]

• Funny School Policy: Tig tells of a school using “stars” for good behavior, forcing kids to “pay” stars to use the bathroom or blow their nose—both are appalled.

  • Mae: “Oh my gosh.” [14:48]

• Bike Law Dream: Mae would love a law to make biking safer and easier in North American cities.

Sarah’s Own Answers:

• Ban Christmas ads/merch before Thanksgiving (“just rein that stuff in”).
• Require everyone to redo driver’s ed every ten years.
  • The hosts agree this might be helpful, especially for older drivers and keeping up with changing norms.

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5. Dream “Retirement Jobs”

[17:27–22:51]
Caller: Katie from Wisconsin

“If you had to have a retirement job, what would it be?” [17:27]

• Mae’s Answer: Something easy but social, like a greeter at a store—reflects on her mother’s fulfilling volunteer work as a USO greeter.

• Tig’s Answer: Teaching something whimsical to kids, maybe mythological stories or community theater; expresses her love of “giving pep talks” and a tendency toward leadership.

  • Tig: “Maybe putting on little local community theater shows with kids or with, like, special needs kids...that would be really fun.” [19:30]

• Katie’s Own Dream: To be a singing telegram performer, making up silly parodies for birthdays (“I love to just make up random songs, and I think that would be so fun.” [20:21]).

• Discussion: The hosts riff on how fun it would be to get fired by telegram, and reminisce about Valentine’s Day “candy bouquets” at school—a source of childhood anxiety and playful drama.

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Notable Quotes

• Tig: “What I want is to be able to create a full song just by myself...” — [03:48]
• Mae: “I can tell you with great certainty there’s not a chance in hell I would do that show.” (on Survivor) — [07:44]
• Tig: “It’s always a good strategy to just...say something really confidently, because then funny stuff comes out.” — [08:50]
• Tig (on emotional skills in schools): “We should be teaching relationship skills…financial literacy…gender and better history…” — [12:51]
• Mae (on biking): “If it were more part of the culture, it would be something more people would do…I’d like that.” — [15:09]
• Sarah (Caller): “I think everyone should have to take refresher driver’s ed and pass the test again every 10 years.” — [15:49]
• Tig (on retirement): “Maybe putting on little local community theater shows with kids…that would be really fun.” — [19:30]
• Katie (Caller): “My dream retirement job is to be one of those singing telegram people…” — [20:21]

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Funniest or Most Memorable Moments

• Instrument confusion: Whether any host played flute or trumpet—a running bit of musical uncertainty [04:34–05:07].
• Owning the Fart: UK Celebrity Traitors story of Celia Imrie’s accidental moment [09:43–10:42].
• Candy Bouquet School Memories: Mae and Tig reminisce about the anxiety and drama of not receiving a Valentine’s candy bouquet at school [21:41–22:50].

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Boxing Day discussion: [01:04–02:41]
• Tig’s drum machine; musical chatter: [03:04–05:44]
• Reality TV: Survivor & games: [06:47–10:12]
• Celebrity Traitors/fart story: [09:43–10:42]
• Listener Question 1 (pass a law): [11:33–15:28]
• Listener Question 2 (retirement job): [17:27–22:51]
• Valentine’s Day candy bouquet chat: [21:41–22:51]

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Closing Thoughts

Tig and Mae close on notes of gratitude and encouragement, urging listeners to reflect, make resolutions, and “manifest” for 2026. The vibe is upbeat, silly, and authentically Handsome.

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For more questions, advice, or just to join the fun, listeners are encouraged to submit new prompts for 2026 at speakpipe.com/handsomepod.

Transcript

[Tig Notaro]

This is a Headgun podcast.

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Mae Martin]

Welcome to Handsome Pre Love, unfortunately, on May Martin. And we're coming to you right after the big holiday.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, indeed, after Christmas.

[Mae Martin]

So everybody's probably filling their bellies with some leftovers today.

[Tig Notaro]

We hope all your dreams came true and your wishes were answered. I just googled. Before we started, I just googled, why do they call Boxing Day Boxing Day? Do they call it that in America?

[Mae Martin]

I don't know. What. I mean, I've heard of Boxing Day, but I don't know what it is.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, it's the day after Christmas.

[Mae Martin]

Isn't that celebrated quite a bit in Canada and England? It's not a big thing over here, I don't think.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, maybe. Okay. Yeah. Boxing Day is usually like, there's Boxing Day sales and.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

No, and it says it's named after the practice of giving Christmas boxes filled with gifts, money and food to servants and tradespeople who had to work on Christmas Day. Oh, it could come from the church alms boxes that collected donations for the poor which were opened and distributed the day after Christmas.

[Mae Martin]

That's cool. I see. I never knew because. Yeah. When I was in England. England, I was in Spain for Christmas once. And they. Boxing Day was a thing and they have something called Three Kings Day. And, like, there's just these different holidays that they celebrate that I. And I knew in Canada. Boxing Day was a thing.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, you gotta hit the. You gotta hit the shops for.

[Mae Martin]

In America. What's the big shopping day around Christmas? Is it. Is there. Is it Christmas or is it New Year's?

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know. Do you. Do you get like Cyber Monday or like Black Friday? Is that a thing?

[Mae Martin]

That's Thanksgiving.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

Those are the big. I guess those are our big sales out here.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. So I don't know. I'm not a Big shopper. So I could care less about that. Those I'm trying to be shopping days.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm trying to be less of a shopper. Like, trying to give a lot of Christmas presents that are paintings and stuff for things I make from my heart. Fortune. I will. And I'm glad. I'm kind of glad it's just you today.

[Mae Martin]

You and me, really, because I have to.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I don't want to be ridiculed for this purchase, so please let this.

[Mae Martin]

Be a safe ridicule. You. What is this, a drum machine?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, it's a drum machine. It's a drum machine.

[Mae Martin]

You're gonna have a full electronic band in your house.

[Tig Notaro]

Seriously. And let me tell you, it's hard.

[Mae Martin]

The Chuck E. Cheese band?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And I sort of thought, I don't know, because it's small and electric, it would be easy, but you do actually have to know how to play the drums, which I really.

[Mae Martin]

This isn't like a pre. Pre made beat.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm sure it has that, but it's been pretty fun. Pounding away.

[Mae Martin]

Are you wanting to learn to drum?

[Tig Notaro]

What I want is to be able to create a full song just by myself. Because I. I make demos and stuff with guitar and bass and things, but then I always have to go to friends or producers to add things, and it would be cool to.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, so we've got a drum. An electric drum thing. A synthesizer.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I've got a keyboard. I've got a keyboard.

[Mae Martin]

You got your. Your acoustic guitars.

[Tig Notaro]

Electric.

[Mae Martin]

Electric. And what? Any other.

[Tig Notaro]

That's about it. It's. Oh, harmonica. I play the harmonica.

[Mae Martin]

Can you play harmonica?

[Tig Notaro]

A little bit. Okay. I'd really like to learn something like a violin, but.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God. Well, you're really hard.

[Tig Notaro]

You play the flute.

[Mae Martin]

Not me. Wait, really? I played a trumpet for a couple, like, two years in junior high.

[Tig Notaro]

Maybe not in a flute does. Particularly the flute.

[Mae Martin]

I would be shocked if Tig played a flute.

[Tig Notaro]

Who plays the flute, then?

[Mae Martin]

Lizzo?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I swear one of us plays the flute. But maybe it was the trumpet. I'm thinking of.

[Mae Martin]

I talked to the ladies in the Chicks band, formerly the Dixie Chicks. So Emily plays the banjo. She said, that's ridiculously hard. Yeah, but it's nothing compared to how hard the. What? It's not the violent. What's the other?

[Tig Notaro]

Cello?

[Mae Martin]

No, it's another handheld thing, but, like violin. Is it a fiddle? No, fiddle. Yeah. So her sister Marty plays a fiddle, and apparently it's, like, insanely hard.

[Tig Notaro]

So hard. But how impressive. Yeah, I did a show at Largo the other day where I. I sometimes do covers of Elliot Smith songs there. And I had the Watkins Family Hour. That musical brother and sister act have been around forever. And they. She plays the violin and so they accompanied me, and it was like the simplest acoustic song. And then as soon as that violin comes in, you're just. You want to weep. Like, it's so beautiful. It just elevates any song. Like, if we added violin to our theme song, we'd be winning all the Webbies. Winning those Webbies, Winning those podcasting trophies.

[Mae Martin]

They couldn't deny us because they're like, listen to that violin intro. Y. Ah, well, I think, you know what we have. It ain't broke, so we'll fix it.

[Tig Notaro]

You're right. That's usually a sign when. When you're a fan of something and then something you love about it changes. It's a sign things are going to go. Like, when the Survivor theme song changed, I was like, I think it's back to normal now.

[Mae Martin]

I didn't know it. Oh, I didn't know it changed.

[Tig Notaro]

Briefly, I think.

[Mae Martin]

Do you still watch that show a lot?

[Tig Notaro]

Of course. Every week.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my gosh.

[Tig Notaro]

This season's great. I guess it'll be over by the time this comes out. And then season 50 will be about to air, which is all previous players.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And a big season 50 seasons of Survivor. It's going to be epic.

[Mae Martin]

Would you ever, like. I know Mike White has done it. Like, he's on.

[Tig Notaro]

He's on season 50.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, really? Would you ever consider it?

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, it's so close to. To Parve and that. I feel so. Like, I'd want to do her legacy proud almost. Then it's just she can't be touched, so I don't know. I'd like to just.

[Mae Martin]

No, you'd have to do your own thing.

[Tig Notaro]

I think I'd be so anxious about washing my face, and I think maybe when I'm like, 50 and, you know, then I would do it. I would like to do it.

[Mae Martin]

You never know. I can tell you with great certainty there's not a chance in hell I would do that show.

[Tig Notaro]

Would you do. Would you do Traders? Really?

[Mae Martin]

I got asked to do. I've been asked to do several reality shows. I got asked to do Celebrity Big Brother. I've been asked to do the Masked Singer. I've said no to. All right.

[Tig Notaro]

I just love games. But you're not.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I'll do, like, game. I don't mind game shows. I've done plenty of Those I was on Celebrity, Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. Yeah, I've done like Pyramid, but. But I realized I like those games a lot. But some of the games is when. Because I always think I'm not an anxious person. But then under a timer, answering questions, the anxiety shoots through me. Oh, like your mind.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And you just go blank like.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. So some of those, some of those trivia games with timers on them because I'm fairly decent at trivia, but a timer on it and I'm. I'm done for.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I think it's always a good strategy to just. And say something really confidently because then funny stuff comes out.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I'd love to go on those shows. I'd love to see you on Traders though. I think you'd be incredible.

[Mae Martin]

I love the game Mafia, but it, it gives me so. Even in just a game with friends, it gives me so much stress.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Having to like be deceitful.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I don't care for it.

[Tig Notaro]

No one would see it coming with you.

[Mae Martin]

I. That I played like a crazy ass game in Wafia with. I'll never forget with my Sunday company and I was down to two of us and I had to be so convincingly lying because you were, you were Mafia. Uh huh. And he was like, you guys, she's lying. And I'm like, I had to be like, you got, you know, and everyone was like, she wouldn't do that, you know, for the game. And.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And then I've just felt like a monster.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean there's a thing, there's a UK season of Celebrity Traders on right now and it's in, it's all famous. It's like, like Stephen Fry and Jonathan Ross, like Alan Carr, these really famous British comedians and actors. And Celia Imrie is on and she's a like an. I think she's like an Oscar winning, super respected actress. She's in her 70s. And so they're explaining one of the challenges to all the contestants and it's really tense and they're in this dark room and they're like. The host is like okay players, it's Claudia Winkleman. And she's like, you will have to find a shield. And then there's a silence and then you just hear. And then everyone looks and Celia Imrie just farted and she's like. And she goes, I'm so sorry, but I always own up when I've done it. That was me, I farted. It's. How incredible.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I love that.

[Tig Notaro]

Don't you wish people were More confident with a well timed fart.

[Mae Martin]

Their toots.

[Tig Notaro]

I wish it was more accepted.

[Mae Martin]

Especially when you're that age, though. You can kind of be like, my bad. Yeah, that was my British accent.

[Tig Notaro]

My bad, my bad. You know what's smart? Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking for Sundogs on a cold, sunny winter's day. Sundogs are a rare winter rainbow caused by ice crystals refracting sunlight in the atmosphere.

[Allstate Advertiser]

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[Mae Martin]

Well, let's. Let's get to some questions.

[Tig Notaro]

Let's do it.

[Sarah (Caller)]

Hello to whatever combination of Tig, Fortune and May I am lucky enough to speak to. This is Sarah calling from Maine. My question is, if you could pass a law that's, like, not super high stakes, so nothing about fixing all of the actual problems, but, like, just something that you think would make the world marginally better, what law would you pass and why?

[Tig Notaro]

Great question. Oh, man. I actually have so many. Like, I. My first thought was that it should be illegal to say, okay, slowly backing away now. You know, when people do that.

[Mae Martin]

I don't think I've heard that much in real life, but I have seen it in a lot of movies or TV shows.

[Tig Notaro]

I. I just remember working in call centers and stuff where I would do something not even eccentric, like, just something. I'd go, oh, yeah. You know, I'm just. I'm gonna have a glass of hot water. That's good for my. And they go, okay, slowly backing away now. And I'd be like, all right.

[Mae Martin]

That'S funny. I guess maybe we would all be better for that.

[Tig Notaro]

I think we would.

[Mae Martin]

You would be better for that for sure, because you hate it.

[Tig Notaro]

I think I would like to massively change all school curriculums. This is a big jump from my last suggestion. But I'm just like, we should be teaching relationship skills and schools and. And financial literacy and. And gender and. And better history and, like. Yeah, I would just make my own school curriculum. Whole unit on the Beatles plus two.

[Mae Martin]

Like, yeah, just like, throwing in some, like, empathy classes and, like, emotional intelligence, communication stuff. And. And also the schools. The curriculum currently is very centered. It's specifically designed for people. You know, when you deal with the right brain and left brain, the side of Your brain that's creative is not the one that. Why can't I think which one's. Which right brain is.

[Tig Notaro]

I think right brain's, like, logical and.

[Mae Martin]

Okay. Yeah. The logic side is what the curriculum is based on. So if your brain fires in that way, you tend to excel. But if you're a left brain or you're more creative or your visual, you need to, you know, picture things. They don't teach that. And so you. Those people tend to. To lag behind.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, they. I. I know a kid who, at their school in. In grade one, they could. If they were kind or cooperative, they would get stars. And then if you get enough stars, you get, like, student of the week and you get a prize or something. Like, it's. It's very like. Yeah. And. But if you have to go pee, you have to spend one of your stars. So you're like, being. I know. So all these kids were, like, holding their pee and not wanting to go pee or blow their nose because they'd have to spend their stars. And I'm like, no, come on.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my gosh.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, she's able to pee whenever.

[Mae Martin]

Maybe having more. More bike lanes and, like, biking be more of. You know how, like, in Amsterdam, bikes are so prevalent. Yeah. Having more of that would be kind of cool, you know, or right now you don't want to ride your bike because it's, like, it's not very pedestrian friendly.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And so I think if it were more part of the culture and it would be something a lot more people would do. I'd like that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah. Imagine if LA was a big bike city. That would be great. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Should we hear Sarah's answers here?

[Sarah (Caller)]

My answer to this question, I have two. The really unserious one is that I would make it a law that you could not do any advertising or merchandising for Christmas until after Thanksgiving, because I think we just really need to rein that stuff in. And then my slightly more serious one is that I think everyone should have to take refresher driver's ed and pass the test again every 10 years. Thanks so much for having me on. Bye.

[Mae Martin]

She's not wrong about that. Because you're dealing with that right now. Prepping or you've. You've just done it.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I'm really noticed. I noticing also in learning how to drive, how badly everyone I know drives, like no one's doing all the things that they teach you in school.

[Mae Martin]

I mean, I wouldn't mind, and I don't mean to be ageist. Here in saying this, but at a certain age, I feel like there should be check ins of like, otherwise it's up to your families to be like, hey, you shouldn't be driving anymore.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Like, I know with my grandmother, like, she, you know, probably should have not been driving a little bit sooner than when we realized it.

[Tig Notaro]

Totally. So actually if now that we're here, I imagine it is really hard to stay on top of like, cultural changes and the evolution of things as you get older and maybe having like every decade you have a little course just to like, technological changes that you need to be up to date on or like.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, things that. Annoying for sure. But like, it wouldn't hurt.

[Tig Notaro]

It wouldn't hurt. And just to learn about like, yeah. New terminology and things that you need.

[Mae Martin]

To learn and improving people's driving in general. Sure wouldn't hurt. Yeah, I like that, Sarah. Thank you.

[Tig Notaro]

Thanks, Sarah. Should we squeeze another one?

[Mae Martin]

Let's squeeze it in. Squeeze it in, my friend.

[Tig Notaro]

Squeeze a nun. Squeeze a nun. Squeeze a nun.

[Katie (Caller)]

Hi, Tig. Hi, May. Hi, Fortune. This is Katie from central Wisconsin. My question is, if you had to have a retirement job, what would it be? So, like, you retired and then you had to go, or you wanted to go work some more because you can't sit on your butt like me. Um, so you went and got a job after you retired, what would your retirement job be?

[Mae Martin]

Hmm. Well, I'd be older, so I don't want to because, like, at this age I'd be like wanting to be outside and on my feet. But at that age, I want a kush job.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And. But still bend on your feet because you want to stay active. I like those greeter jobs that some the older folks do, you know, at different, like fast food restaurants or Walmart or something like that, where you just say hello to people as they come in.

[Tig Notaro]

Is that a thing where you just go. Yeah, welcome. Oh, yeah, that'd be nice.

[Mae Martin]

Or they like, you know, help clear tables or stuff like that. Yeah. But it's mainly being social. I always said my mom would be so good at those. Now she's too old, but there was a window after she retired where she still had a lot of spunk.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And would get bored sometimes. And a greeter job would have. She would have loved. But she ended up doing that for the USO but as a volunteer position for like 10 years. So she did. Scratch that. It.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that. I mean, she's a ray of sunshine to be greeted by ginger anywhere. Yeah, I think I would. Well, I'M thinking about the other jobs that I would, like. Like, I would love to work with kids. Like, maybe I would. So let's say I'm in my 70s or something. Maybe I'm getting a. I'm teaching a weekly mythology course to, like, 10 year olds, and I'm. I'm. I'm really trying to, like, make their minds explode. Maybe not mythology, but I'd like to.

[Mae Martin]

Teach kids, I think, something whimsical.

[Tig Notaro]

Something whimsical for kids. Yeah. Maybe putting on little local community theater shows with kids or with, like, special needs kids or something. That would be really fun.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Or I listened to a podcast about a guy who went into prisons and put on Shakespeare productions with the prisoners. Like, that would be incredible. I'm noticing, though, that I'm always, like, having to be in some kind of leadership role. Like, I think I'm bossy. I think I.

[Mae Martin]

Are you?

[Tig Notaro]

I think I am. Yeah. And I don't. I, like, I don't get to scratch that itch enough. I'd like to be in charge of a group of people and be like.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, guys, well, that's what. At least you got to do that with your show while you work.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I think it's fun to give a pep talk to a group of people. We're gonna go, all right, everybody.

[Mae Martin]

We're gonna.

[Tig Notaro]

Big day ahead.

[Mae Martin]

We. We're gonna get this done. We're gonna have a good time. Kind of like.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Should we hear Katie's answer?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Katie (Caller)]

My dream retirement job is to be one of those singing, like, telegram people who dress in a ridiculous outfit and then make up songs to, like, parodies for people's birthdays and what have you. I love to just make up random songs, and I think that would be so fun.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I like that. I think we once said that I would quit the podcast via. No, you. That you guys would tell me I'm fired from the podcast via singing telegram.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God. We would never.

[Tig Notaro]

Why?

[Mae Martin]

We would never. I mean, we'll see. Send you a telegram for something much more positive. How about that? Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

It would soften the blow, though, if it was. Yeah. A little barbershop quartet.

[Mae Martin]

They always talk about singing telegrams on movies and TV shows, but have you ever. I've never seen one in real life.

[Tig Notaro]

I think at one of my. In middle school, there were, like, a couple of kids who wanted to do that, and they would go classroom to classroom. Sometimes on the charity day, you could. You could pay, like a dollar and they would deliver a message to another student like Karen has a crush on. You really wouldn't fly these days.

[Mae Martin]

We had that, but around Valentine's Day at school. But it was like, you could purchase a candy bouquet, which was just like, a bouquet of, like, suckers.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And you could write a little love note on it. And that's how some people would let their crushes know that they were into them.

[Tig Notaro]

Huge day.

[Allstate Advertiser]

Oh.

[Tig Notaro]

And so anxiety inducing. Oh, my God.

[Mae Martin]

That's right. I didn't get one. That's all right. No, usually the people getting them were, like, the. Those, like, handful of eighth graders that were in a relationship.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

So. And it would have been like, what?

[Tig Notaro]

Where they. Their boyfriends would have been in big trouble if they didn't send one.

[Mae Martin]

That's right. Yeah, that's right.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God. Tyler didn't. Tyler didn't send me a candy bouquet.

[Mae Martin]

That's right. Grounds for breakup. But weirdly enough, I did not have a boyfriend, so that is weird. And I was not enough of a feminist yet to know that I could buy my own.

[Tig Notaro]

And send yourself a candy bouquet.

[Mae Martin]

Why not?

[Tig Notaro]

Why not?

[Mae Martin]

Well, that was another fun one.

[Tig Notaro]

It was indeed.

[Mae Martin]

We always love everyone asking us questions. You can submit your questions or advice requests to speakpipe.com handsomepod as we go into a new year, I'm sure there are things that you want to ask us, you guys, or advice you want as you start making your vision boards.

[Tig Notaro]

Which I assume everyone is doing.

[Mae Martin]

That's right. Thinking about your resolutions. Now is the time, y', all, as the year's coming to an end, to be thinking about what you want to accomplish in 26. Or personally, professionally love, relationships. All the things I think it's good to just, you know, the manifestation thing. I believe in it.

[Tig Notaro]

I believe in manifestation also. I hope everyone's just chilling, sitting around, soaking up the end of the year.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Enjoy the rest of the year.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you for being with us. We love you.

[Mae Martin]

We love you a lot. Hopefully I'll see some of you guys in Seattle. I'm doing a New Year's Eve show that night. So if you are looking for a fun hang, come, come join me.

[Tig Notaro]

I'll be there in disguise in a fake mustache and glasses. And then right at the countdown, I'm going to walk on stage, shed my mustache, plant one on you.

[Mae Martin]

With a candy bouquet.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. With a candy bouquet.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Finally close that loop.

[Mae Martin]

What a treat.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I guess all the. All that remains.

[Mae Martin]

Yep. Keep it pretty. Handsome.

[Allstate Advertiser]

Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin. And Fortune Feamster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email us@handsome podgmail.com Follow us on social media at Handsome Pod What a podcast.

[Sarah (Caller)]

Podcast.

[Katie (Caller)]

What a podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

That was a Hitgum podcast.

[Allstate Advertiser]

You know what's smart? Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know, it's not smart not checking how often you're supposed to feed the fish when you're house sitting for a friend. Was it one pinch twice a day or two pinches once a day? You should have written it down when they were telling you.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.