Rob Thomas asks about extravagant indulgences

Summary

Podcast Summary: Handsome

Episode: Rob Thomas asks about extravagant indulgences
Date: December 2, 2025
Hosts: Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, Mae Martin
Special Guest/Question Asker: Rob Thomas

---

Episode Overview

In this episode of "Handsome," comedians Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin are joined (remotely) to answer a listener question from Rob Thomas, the Grammy-winning musician known for Matchbox 20 and "Smooth." Rob asks: "What is something that you guys spend money on that your younger selves would have thought was extravagant?" The hosts engage in their signature spontaneous, playful banter about home repairs, personal indulgences, Halloween displays, and—ultimately—how their relationships with money and "luxuries" have evolved since their more frugal beginnings.

---

Table of Contents

• Catching Up & Home/Life Updates
• Halloween Lawn Decorations & Disney Stories
• Socializing, Baths, and Nonverbal Friendships
• The Great Hot Tub Debacle
• Rob Thomas’s Question: Extravagant Indulgences
• Reactions & Reflections on Money
• Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
• References to Future Purchases and Habits

---

Catching Up & Home/Life Updates

02:02 – 05:25

• The hosts connect over Zoom, noting their different locations and the absence of Mae’s signature fake plant.

• Mae discusses her procrastination on hanging curtains:

  “When I have a task to complete, I imagine in a movie you'd have a montage… My montage would be like starting the task, then sleeping, then doing a bunch of other... my montage would be a two week montage for one small task.” (Mae, 03:14)

• Fortune admits she’s not handy but can do yard work, especially trimming “bushes” (which devolves, predictably, into innuendo).

05:47 – 08:44

• They reminisce about childhood chores like yard work and debate whether kids today are still sent outside to mow lawns, segueing into a discussion of child safety and falling kidnapping rates.

---

Halloween Lawn Decorations & Disney Stories

08:44 – 12:36

• Mae recently visited Burbank’s famous “Clown House” and reflects on the surreal appeal of grotesque lawn displays:

  “Are human beings okay, that this is, like, for fun? We're looking at these like… torture clowns?” (Mae, 09:17)

• Tig relates, noting the bizarre nature of erecting enormous horror displays in her LA neighborhood.

• Another house is themed Disney, leading Mae to joke about who really lives there:

  “Oh, Mickey lives here. Like, the guy in the Mickey suit. That’s him. It’s his house.” (Mae, 10:25)

• Tig shares that her kids, Max and Finn, were taken to Disneyland but had never seen any Disney materials; they didn’t know who Mickey Mouse was.

  “We got there, and they had never seen anything Disney. So they didn't know who Mickey Mouse was.” (Tig, 10:53)

---

Socializing, Baths, and Nonverbal Friendships

20:33 – 22:10

• Mae describes reaching her social limit during a hangout and signaling her desire for friends to leave by starting a bath:

  “I just went and started running a bath… And [one friend] was like, did you just start running a bath?… And I was like, yeah, I guess.” (Mae, 20:58)

• The hosts riff on the idea of “going nonverbal” as a valid friend boundary—something they all appreciate.

---

The Great Hot Tub Debacle

23:14 – 28:15

• Fortune shares her issues with her new house’s hot tub—it’s too shallow for her 5’10” frame:

  “So I got in the hot tub, and I don't know who measured this thing, but, like, my tits were out.” (Fortune, 24:36)
  “You either have to, like, not sit on the bench or you have to, like, lay down on the bench.” (Fortune, 25:44)

• Mae and Tig egg her on about “Tits Out Tubs,” leading to a recurring innuendo bit.

• Privacy solutions are discussed: pulled bamboo, new ficus, anticipation for “tits out, butthole bath” when the backyard is finally private.

• Mae: “I can’t wait for the ficus to be hardly in…. Tits out tub, butthole bath.” (Mae, 28:03)

---

Rob Thomas’s Question: Extravagant Indulgences

33:41 – 34:02

• Rob Thomas sends in his “serious question”:

  “What is something that you guys spend money on that your younger selves would have thought was extravagant?” (Rob Thomas, 33:44)

---

Reactions & Reflections on Money

Fortune’s Journey

39:22 – 45:56

• Fortune shares her working-class background, detailing financial insecurity growing up (power shutoffs, almost losing the house).

• Her first “extravagant” purchase: her own house.

  “My first extravagant purchase was a home... That was… [a] tiny...not a fancy house at all. It was, like, in the valley, like, super small. But I was like, I just want something of my own.” (Fortune, 41:30)

• Otherwise, she says her indulgences are modest—dinners with friends, leasing a car, and a "multi-cade" standup vintage video game:

  “I love it so much. It's vintage. It reminds me of childhood... It has all the games: Galaga, Pac Man, Donkey Kong, Space Invaders.” (Fortune, 46:03)

Mae’s Perspective

43:02 – 47:23

• Mae recalls cycles of debt and addiction in her youth, then getting sorted out financially by an older, more stable partner.

• Her first “big” indulgence: a spontaneous trip to Spain.

  “To be able to go on vacation for a weekend to Europe with my friend… That was really a turning point.” (Mae, 43:53)

• Mae admits to liking “nice jackets and synthesizers” and confesses to too many Amazon purchases, but is working on self-improvement.

Tig’s Take

47:26 – 50:43

• Tig, also not extravagant, recalls hearing a friend describe discovering hotel mini-bars and room service as a sign of “making it."

• Her treat:

  “To this day, I have to say that the frivolous thing that I will sometimes not often treat myself to is something out of the mini fridge in a hotel room, because that is something I would never have touched.” (Tig, 48:14)

• But she’s still budget-minded:

  “I'm not gonna spend $12 on some cashews.” (Tig, 49:19)

51:24 – 54:35

• Mae enjoys gadgets and buying “junk” for Christmas gifts, but her parents finally told her to stop.

• Fortune reminisces about spending her first bigger TV paycheck on Omaha Steaks for her entire family, thinking she’d “made it.”

  “I bought everyone in my family Omaha steaks. And I thought I have made it. I'm steaks for everybody.” (Fortune, 51:59)

• Mae’s biggest splurge: a sauna, which she loves and touts for its health benefits.

• Fortune’s latest “extravagant” purchase is her new home, which she regards as a responsible investment.

Experience vs. Things

56:14 – 61:07

• The hosts agree they’re more likely to spend on experiences (nice hotels, first class tickets, travel, dinners) than “stuff.”
• Tig likes Courtyard Marriott mattresses and tells a running joke in those hotels, while Fortune prefers boutique hotels, and Mae enjoys reliable chains with solid amenities.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Curtain Procrastination:

  “My montage would be like starting the task, then sleeping, then doing a bunch of other. My montage [for a small task] would be a two week montage.” (Mae, 03:14)

• Disneyland Revelation:

  “We got there and, you know, my aunt was with us...and Max and Finn, we were like, oh, there's Mickey Mouse. And they were like, what? They didn't know who these characters were.” (Tig, 11:23)

• Mae’s Social Boundaries:

  “I just went and started running a bath. And then one of my friends was like, did you just start running a bath? Like, would you like us to leave? And I was like, yeah, I guess.” (Mae, 20:58)

• The Hot Tub Mystery:

  “So I got in the hot tub, and I don't know who measured this thing, but, like, my tits were out.” (Fortune, 24:36)

• First “Luxury” Purchase:

  “My first extravagant purchase was a home. And that was...I will treasure that house forever.” (Fortune, 41:30)

• Hotel Minibar Guilt:

  “It seemed made up that this was Darlene’s life. And to this day, I have to say that the frivolous thing that I will sometimes treat myself to is something out of the mini fridge in a hotel room.” (Tig, 48:08)

• Extravagant or Investment?

  “The sauna...was really worth it. And probably some research is going to come out that counters this, but they really do say if you sauna, like, three or four times a week, it’s…overall health.” (Mae, 53:38)

• Full Circle on Extravagance:

  “I don't need to buy things, I don't need to own things, but I don't mind spending money on experiences.” (Rob Thomas, as quoted by Tig, 56:14)
  “I will spend money on travel to have like a…to enjoy another place.” (Fortune, 56:27)

---

References to Future Purchases and Habits

• Mae touts her daily sauna rituals and hilarious misunderstanding with a roommate’s girlfriend.
• Fortune is settling into her home, considering a sauna in the future.
• Tig notes her continuing tour, and right at the episode's conclusion, Fortune is distracted by an ironically well-timed Omaha Steaks email.

---

Important Timestamps

• 03:14 — Mae on her curtain-mounting procrastination
• 10:53 — Tig’s kids at Disneyland, not knowing Disney
• 20:58 — Mae starts a bath to signal party over
• 24:36 — Fortune discovers her hot tub is Tits Out Tubs
• 33:44 — Rob Thomas asks his question
• 41:30 — Fortune bought her first house
• 48:14 — Tig’s hotel minibar “splurge”
• 53:38 — Mae on buying the home sauna

---

Closing Notes

This episode weaves hilarious anecdotes, genuine reflections on personal growth, and a curious look at what “luxury” really means. The hosts, shaped by past struggles and rising fortunes, mostly invest in home, health, and meaningful experiences—and they do it all with irreverence and warmth.

---

For more:

• HandsomePod.com
• MaeMartin.net
• TigNotaro.com
• FortuneFeimster.com

Contact: handsomepodmail.com
Follow: @handsomepod on social media

---

Transcript

[Mae Martin]

This is a Headgun podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know what's smart? Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking for your favorite song on the radio. Sure, you could just play it off your phone, but a song just sounds better when it's playing off the radio.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, check in first is smart. So check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates.

[Fortune Feimster]

Northbrook, IL People talk about spring cleaning all the time, but what about the holidays? With guests arriving, you want every room of your home to be looking as good as they can. With Homaglo, you can instantly schedule top rated cleaners in your area and take home cleaning off your plate.

[Tig Notaro]

Homaglo is a top rated home service platform dedicated to helping you make your space clean and tidy. All their cleaners pass a rigorous certification and must maintain a 4.8 star average rating plus 100% of cleaning fees and tips on homag glow go directly to your cleaner. You book your cleaner online so you can instantly schedule someone in your area to help you prepare for a special occasion or party or or schedule someone regularly to take cleaning off your plate. I get regular cleanings with Homaglow and I'm consistently impressed with the professional quality of their cleans.

[Fortune Feimster]

Take home cleaning off your plate this holiday season by using homaglo. Head to homaglow.com handsome to get your first three hours of cleaning for only $19. That's h o m e a g l o w.com handsome handsome chat with.

[Mae Martin]

Friends on the Handsome Pod Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod Cheers.

[Fortune Feimster]

Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I'm Fortune Feimster.

[Mae Martin]

And I'm May Martin.

[Tig Notaro]

And I am Tig Notaro. And we're together on Zoom.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yay.

[Tig Notaro]

Follow us on YouTube. Go look. And we're all in separate places.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Sadly. But all connected spiritually. As I always like to remind us.

[Fortune Feimster]

All, I don't have my fake plant with me right now. Does that feel weird to you guys? Little bit.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

What feels weirder is I feel like May has tidied up a little bit behind.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thank you.

[Tig Notaro]

Is that. Are those all of your Grammys? Emmys? Oscars?

[Fortune Feimster]

What am I saying?

[Mae Martin]

All my Oscars and Grammys. Yeah. I'm trying to get my my place organized. I'm gonna. The next step is. I don't know if you can see that crumpled gray pile.

[Tig Notaro]

I see a lump of something.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that's gonna be. Those are curtains for that window. So soon the window behind me, which is always a source of anxiety because people walk by and it's.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And so what will it take for you to lift the curtains up and put them up?

[Mae Martin]

Well, I have it.

[Fortune Feimster]

So lift them up.

[Tig Notaro]

Lift them up and hang them.

[Mae Martin]

You know what I always say, like, when I have a task to complete. I imagine in a movie you'd have a montage of me doing that task. But my. My montage would be like starting the task, then sleeping, then doing a bunch of other. My montage.

[Tig Notaro]

I get a lot in the curtains.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[Mae Martin]

And it would be like a two week. A two week montage for one small task. Yeah. I started. I drilled into the wall, immediately hit metal. Oh, I hit metal. Wouldn't go. Wouldn't go in. And I thought, I guess I can't drill there. Went three inches above it. Started. Started. And then I was like, what am I doing? Hit the metal again. So I don't know.

[Fortune Feimster]

If you gotta go to the other side, don't go up. Oh, you know what I mean? There might be some kind of. There might be something. Long ways.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, something long ways.

[Tig Notaro]

I would love to see you both going in. Like, as a. As a company, May can't go up. We gotta go long ways.

[Fortune Feimster]

Maybe a long ways. People would be in trouble if I was in charge of this. A task, do you think?

[Mae Martin]

Like, so imagine we, the three of us, are given all of the materials to build a house. Like, how could we. Could we. What would we come up with?

[Fortune Feimster]

Mine's not getting done.

[Mae Martin]

I think you'll get something done. But it might be. It might be.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not good with the. I'm not, you know, not handy. I'm not handy like that. I can figure out a few things.

[Mae Martin]

You trim your bushes?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, dude, Sorry.

[Mae Martin]

Haven't you talked before about trimming your. Trimming your bushes in your yard?

[Fortune Feimster]

I do trim a bush, man. That's correct.

[Mae Martin]

Then is that. You do that with a big industrial bush trimmer, Right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, it's not that big. Let's calm down over there.

[Mae Martin]

Tig has left her body.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tig took off her glasses to have a moment. Yeah, I didn't, by the way. I didn't start that conversation. Just so you know. But, May, you are right. I do sometimes trim the bush outside. Outside. And I have a.

[Tig Notaro]

You do it outside. What are we talking about now?

[Fortune Feimster]

We're talking about an actual bush. I have A tr. Electric trimmer that I. I can do yard work all day long, but I can't build stuff.

[Tig Notaro]

Like what kind of yard where you. You do, like, eat weed?

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, I don't, but I could, you know.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, tough guy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because in the. I feel like when you, if you, you know, growing up in the 80s or in the 90s, a lot of your thing that you were put in charge of as a child was yard work. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

To get your allowance.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Why the 80s and 90s?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. You see kids out there doing that now? No.

[Mae Martin]

You have a point there.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, no, but they did it in the 70s too.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to stop. We did not include the 70s.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I'd be curious to hear from our listeners. Are there kids. Are they putting their kids to work in the yard still, even though it's not the 70s anymore?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

The 80s or the 90s.

[Mae Martin]

In the old days, you would just send your kids out. Now it feels like if you did that, that you'd be watching from the window or you'd be like, stationed. You'd be disguised as a tree.

[Tig Notaro]

Meanwhile, it's not like, I mean, I'm making up a fact here.

[Mae Martin]

Do it.

[Tig Notaro]

I was kidding.

[Fortune Feimster]

Say.

[Tig Notaro]

It'S not like you're hearing that there's like some rise in kidnapping, you know?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I wonder actually what the stats are on this.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Thomas, can you.

[Fortune Feimster]

As far as a kid being out in the yard, mowing the grass by.

[Tig Notaro]

Themselves, not getting snatched, probably. Maybe that's kidnapping up or down. Thomas.

[Mae Martin]

But I think that's why we. Maybe why we stopped. Because in the 70s there were tons.

[Fortune Feimster]

Of serial killers snatching.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

So.

[Fortune Feimster]

But do you think it was more prevalent in the 70s or it just started kind of then and that getting.

[Tig Notaro]

Snatched or mowing lawns.

[Fortune Feimster]

Didn't getting snatched sort of start in the 70s?

[Mae Martin]

I think so. That was like. There were so many serial killers in the 70s in California specifically.

[Fortune Feimster]

Why have they ever gotten to the bottom of that? I don't know.

[Mae Martin]

Okay, here we go. The number of involuntary missing children cases opened each year due to circumstances like kidnapping and abductions, including non custodial family members, fell by 27% from 2015 to 2022, FBI data shows. Yeah, that's good. It's reassuring to note that kidnapping cases have seen a decline in recent years. Great.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, good.

[Tig Notaro]

So the fact I was about to make up, I was just thinking it's not like you're hearing about. And I'm only, you know, main. Of course people get Kidnapped. I don't want anyone to think I'm saying that doesn't happen or, you know, violent crime happens.

[Mae Martin]

I know that maybe they don't, though, because they're not out mowing the lawn.

[Fortune Feimster]

Everyone's inside gaming now.

[Mae Martin]

So I'm glad we got to the bottom of this.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know how we could.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I know.

[Tig Notaro]

All I'm saying is just, you know, keep your eye on your kids. Don't get snatched. That's right. And let us know if your kids are doing the yard work or if you have a service. We want to know, is this a California thing?

[Mae Martin]

Well, you know what? Speaking of yards, in California, last night I went. And I don't know when this episode comes out, but a lot of the houses in Burbank have these Halloween displays on their lawns. And you can go. And there's one called the Burbank Clown House that is. Oh, I. I went. There were tons of people looking, and it's just this, like, horrific, super intricate horror clown display. Really grotesque. And I was thinking, man, that's so cool that someone just did that for fun. And they do it every year. And then the more I stared at it, I was like, are human beings okay, that this is, like, for fun? We're looking at these like. Like torture clowns? Like, I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

I had that same feeling on. I. I was on my morning walk in Los Angeles before I left town, and walking past these houses that have. Yeah. Bloody clowns that are like a story high. Like, they're enormous and in people's front yards. And I just. I realized I was walking through my neighborhood just being like, oh, you know, people have these. Their decorations out. But then when I personalized it and imagined myself putting up a bloody, like, four bloody clowns in my yard.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, that.

[Mae Martin]

That's what I was feeling. I was, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

What is that? I can't. I would be like, oh, I don't know. This is a little disturbing. I don't know if I can do it.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Who lives in these houses?

[Tig Notaro]

Ye.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. But there was a palate cleanser one, which was a Disney house that had Mickey. And you could line up and get a picture with Mickey in front of the house, and it was really cool. And then I said to someone, who do you think lives here? And then someone said, oh, Mickey lives here. Like, the guy in the Mickey suit. That's him. It's his house. I was like, again, just wondering who these people are.

[Fortune Feimster]

So this must be, like, a tradition that these houses do. Every year?

[Mae Martin]

Yes. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I tell you. We took Max and Finn for their fifth birthday to Disneyland. How was it we realized when we got there, they had never seen anything Disney?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, really?

[Tig Notaro]

So they didn't know who Mickey Mouse was?

[Fortune Feimster]

Like, oh, my God.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

I like you not knowing who any celebrity is.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God, Totally Mormon. Well, I don't even know if that's Mormon, but, like, very Amish almost. Oh, that's what I meant to say. Amish. Like, we went there and, you know, my aunt was with us, and she's very into Disney and Disney for her grandkids and all, which most people are.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But it never dawned on us until we got to the amusement park and Max and Finn, we were like, oh, there's Mickey Mouse. And they were like, what? They didn't know who these characters were?

[Fortune Feimster]

Had they just not been interested in watching Disney movies?

[Tig Notaro]

I guess we just didn't show them Disney. I don't know. Like, Stephanie and I, we're not big Disney people.

[Mae Martin]

Mickey Mouse every night.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, and to this day, like, Max and Finn are aware that they were like, yeah, I remember you brought us to Disneyland. We didn't know what we were looking at.

[Fortune Feimster]

That is so funny.

[Tig Notaro]

We assumed they knew even though we hadn't shown them.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I wanted. I want to design, like, a. A really niche theme park just based on Max and Finn's interest. So they go and they're like, oh, my God, that obscure baseball player is. There's someone dressed like black holes. Yeah, Black holes and magic cards and Pokemon trading.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah. And Capitals of the world.

[Mae Martin]

Oh, that's my. I mean, if it's a small world, if that was actually, like, testing you on capitals, I'd be in heaven.

[Tig Notaro]

Ye. Yeah. You should hang out with those guys.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Not at Disneyland, though.

[Mae Martin]

No. How's Toronto?

[Tig Notaro]

Good. I think I got in yesterday. Yes, I did. I got in yesterday and we had a table read. And then I have, you know, my spacesuit fitting coming up and just all things Star Trek.

[Mae Martin]

Did I tell you already that I dressed as a spaceman? I went to Amma Parvati's daughter. I went to her school's Halloween thing.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, nice.

[Mae Martin]

Because I go every year and I want to keep that relationship alive. And Nama wanted me to go, so I go and I'm in line for the haunted house that the grade fives put on, and I'm so excited, and I'm, like, holding the place in line while everyone's off doing things. And there's this couple behind me. So I'm dressed like an astronaut. There's this couple behind me. And so I'm like, oh, you're having fun. And they go, yeah, yeah. And they're kind of sizing me up. And then the wife goes, are you a student here? Gosh, it's a. It's an elementary school. It only goes. God, it only goes till grade six. And I went, really? And she's old. Yeah. And she said, I. I don't know. And I said, I'm 38 years old. Madam. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Madam.

[Mae Martin]

Madam. Madam.

[Tig Notaro]

Did you really say madam?

[Mae Martin]

I. I hope so.

[Fortune Feimster]

Madam.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't think.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do you think an 11 year old would know how to say madam?

[Mae Martin]

Madam? Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, that's a wild leap.

[Mae Martin]

I know. I was flattered, but also all like, not flattered because, well, you're also like.

[Fortune Feimster]

Twice everyone's size, height wise.

[Mae Martin]

I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're a big boy.

[Mae Martin]

I'm a big, strong boy. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Didn't they see those guns?

[Mae Martin]

Exactly.

[Fortune Feimster]

And you didn't take that opportunity to tell her to watch Wayward on Netflix?

[Mae Martin]

You know what? I did have a. I did have a handful of people saying they'd watched it, like the. The parents and stuff. And then I've been tagged in a few people's Halloween costumes where this one queer couple dressed as specifically the sex scene from Wayward, so.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, boy.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, someone was. She was wearing like.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do I need to tell you about that scene again, Tig?

[Tig Notaro]

No, no, no, madam. No, madam.

[Mae Martin]

Have you guys had people dress up as you for Halloween and you're. Have you. I guess you must get that the zombie one, Tig. That's such an iconic one. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

People will dress as like me and Stephanie.

[Mae Martin]

Really?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, that's right.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I get people in. I've gotten people in curly wigs, either in a Hooters costume or in a swimsuit with the bush hanging out.

[Mae Martin]

We're back to the bush. We're back to the bush.

[Tig Notaro]

They should have somebody that accompanies them and trims.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, well, it's based on a story I told in my special Sweet and Salty about having to wear a Speedo for the first time as a child, as a 12 year old.

[Mae Martin]

And what, you had a.

[Fortune Feimster]

Had a bush? Bush. And I didn't know it.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, and so did you know it for the first time that day or you still didn't know and you were just freely jumping in the water and just enjoying yourself?

[Fortune Feimster]

I didn't know it. I had to. They told me in order to be on the swim team I had to wear a Speedo and I had never swam in that before. I, I, my joke was I swim in sweatpants and a triple XL T shirt with the sleeves cut off. And it was team picture day. So I confidently stood in the front, thumbs up.

[Tig Notaro]

That's in the picture?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Kim Fortune. I need that on social.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know, I don't have the picture.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. If somebody's listening and you're on swim team with Fortune. Feamster, I don't know if you could.

[Fortune Feimster]

See it from the picture because those are grainy, you know, the thing. So I, I, but I figured it out later. But I, the joke is I was walking around, high five. And everybody very confident because when you're 12, life hadn't gotten you down yet.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, saddled up to the concession stand and I say bush out. So I have had people wear bathing suits with, with Merkins.

[Mae Martin]

But that is a big deal when you're in middle school and, and you're changing for gym and stuff. Like the, the monitoring of who's got pubes yet? Like people at my school anyway, and my friend Joe at his school, which was an all boys school, this guy got pubes first, like really early. Yeah, this was in Bristol.

[Tig Notaro]

So did he want you to share this?

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They have weird accents and so someone goes, oh, my God, Chris Lever's got spiders.

[Tig Notaro]

Spiders, Is that what that means?

[Mae Martin]

They were, that's what they were calling his, his pubes, I guess.

[Fortune Feimster]

Spiders.

[Mae Martin]

He's got spiders. Miss.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, it's smart checking all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know, it's not smart not checking that you brought a towel to the outdoor hot tub. Nothing's better than a warm soak on a cold night. But it's going to be really hard to get out of the water if you don't have a towel on hand to dry off right away.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions and availability. All state North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Tig Notaro]

Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whatever your goals, whether you're just starting out or looking to get your business to the next level, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, then showcase your offerings and grow your brand with a professional, personalized website that stands out from the rest.

[Fortune Feimster]

Whatever you want to present to clients and customers. You can customize your Squarespace website to attract attention and build your business. Get paid on time with on brand invoices and easy online payments. Plus streamline your workflow with built in appointment scheduling and powerful email marketing tools. I know a Squarespace website when I see it because it looks modern, clearly laid out and professional.

[Tig Notaro]

So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to squarespace.com handsome for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code handsome to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Fortune Feimster]

The holidays are here and I've certainly been guilty of last minute shopping in the past. It's panic inducing to see empty shelves or a shipping date sometime in January. Aura Frames is the perfect solution. With Aura Frames, you're giving a gift that feels personal every time and it's perfect for everyone on your list.

[Tig Notaro]

I sometimes struggle to shop for family members. They've got specific interests and I don't have enough familiarity to know what to get them. They've already read the best selling book, they already own the kitchen gadget. And that color of bathrobe is all wrong. So I give them an Aura Frame.

[Fortune Feimster]

For a limited time. Save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $35 off Aura's best selling Carver map frames named number one by Wirecutter by using promo code Handsome at checkout. That's a U R A frames.com with promo code Handsome. This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast, so order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Yeah, those were the days.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just free in the bush.

[Mae Martin]

I had friends over last night and this is.

[Tig Notaro]

That's great.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thank you so good man.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you so much.

[Mae Martin]

Thank you. I was. I felt really grateful because I'm. There are people I'm close enough to that like we went and saw the Burbank Clown House or whatever and we came back and we were hanging out and I just suddenly was like in my head I thought, I'm done. Like I'm. I want everyone to leave.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hanging out.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I want everyone to leave now. And I just went and started running a bath. And then one of my. One of my friends was like, did you just start running a bath? Like, would you like us to leave? And I was like, yeah, I guess. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Sorry.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh my.

[Mae Martin]

It was crazy to start.

[Tig Notaro]

I would have thought Your friends would have read into that as they should get in the bath.

[Fortune Feimster]

We're all taking a bath now.

[Tig Notaro]

I wouldn't have thought, oh, we need to leave. I'd be like, oh, oh, Maze running a bath. Where's this night going?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, Maze running a bath. It's about to get wild. I love that you're just like, I want everyone to leave someone to run a bath.

[Mae Martin]

I know, and I should have probably said I'm tired before I just started running the bath.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think the probably the thing is like, oh, guys, I got a big run the bath.

[Tig Notaro]

Or you could just be like, hey, guys, I just want you to leave.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I mean, I do. I'm grateful to have friends I'm comfortable enough with to be like, I'm done talking, I'm going. Or the new thing people are saying is going non verbal. That's like the new phrase. They're like, I went non verbal. I really like that. Like, I think in a friendship you should have license to go non verbal whenever you want. Just like, I, I just need a minute to not talk. Or. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Now, did you end up taking that bath? Of course.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune, great question.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thank you.

[Tig Notaro]

Excellent follow. You're getting better at follow up questions.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm trying, I'm trying. And did you have a bath bomb or bath salts of any kind?

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune, settle down. We're easing in.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I, I had eucalyptus I put in.

[Fortune Feimster]

And.

[Mae Martin]

Girls, I soaked this tired old bod.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, okay. With a nice eucalyptus scent.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, it was good.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. Any candles? Or as we call them, condols.

[Tig Notaro]

Bath bomb?

[Mae Martin]

I. I had a, A Himalayan salt lamp going.

[Tig Notaro]

Girl, I love it.

[Mae Martin]

Is this feeling cozy to you guys?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Wait, how.

[Mae Martin]

How's the new bath in the new place? I know we've talked about it. Yeah. Are you.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's great.

[Mae Martin]

You take long baths.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's not a deep one, but it's a long one. So I like that because I'm a tall gal.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

What I like is that it is in the sh. It is placed where the shower is as well, so it doesn't matter if water spills, which I love, because as a big, tall gal, water will spill. And I used to get like, oh, no, I'm gonna mess up the floors. Well, this is spilling right into the shower.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sort of matter.

[Tig Notaro]

So.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I like that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. And do you have a big. A floofy bath mattress?

[Fortune Feimster]

No.

[Mae Martin]

I think I want to get you a personalized floofy bath mat that says girl.

[Fortune Feimster]

Girl, Girl. Let's. I have tested out.

[Mae Martin]

Take A load off.

[Fortune Feimster]

I finally tested out the pool.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

And it is perfect for treading. Oh, great.

[Tig Notaro]

You don't, like, nick your little toes occasionally?

[Fortune Feimster]

I've hit the side, but it's not been anything concerning. It's not a pool that you go swimming in, per se.

[Tig Notaro]

Sure, sure.

[Mae Martin]

But perfect for treading.

[Fortune Feimster]

And it. So it's smaller, so it heats up a lot faster.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, good.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's good.

[Tig Notaro]

We didn't want your little bottom cold.

[Fortune Feimster]

I didn't tell you the hot tub, right? It's too short.

[Mae Martin]

No.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, I didn't mean it's too short.

[Mae Martin]

What do you mean short?

[Fortune Feimster]

So I got in the hot tub, and I don't know who measured this thing, but, like, my tits were out.

[Mae Martin]

Wait, so are you sitting down?

[Tig Notaro]

You're sit.

[Fortune Feimster]

You sit down and it doesn't even. And the water comes to like, no. And I'm like.

[Tig Notaro]

Probably got it from Tits Out Tubs.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tits Out Tubs designed it. And I'm like, who designed this thing? Because I'm a tall person and my legs are just touching. My feet are just touching the ground.

[Tig Notaro]

How tall are you?

[Fortune Feimster]

Five, ten.

[Tig Notaro]

That's a tall drinkable.

[Fortune Feimster]

And then the top. The top of the pool of the hot tub goes to, like, just kind of like. I don't know. What is this part of your body under Titan? Your boobs are like, well out of the hot tub.

[Mae Martin]

What? So it's.

[Tig Notaro]

Mine are really out there.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I know I'm tall, but I'm like, any person that. So I'm like. I got in that. And I went, what? So in order to, like, submerge into this hot tub, you either have to, like, not sit on the bench or you have to, like, lay down on the bench.

[Tig Notaro]

So are you gonna re. List this house?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yep. I'm putting it back up on sale.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, it's the only thing about.

[Fortune Feimster]

The house that they did wrong. And I was just like, who measured this?

[Mae Martin]

So when you got in, did you say out loud, what?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, I did. Because I was like. Because you're not supposed to have tits out.

[Tig Notaro]

No. Unless you hire Tits out Tubs.

[Fortune Feimster]

Unless you are Tits Out Tubs. You're supposed. It's supposed to go, like, right, right. Like, just over them.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, totally. You can't be all.

[Tig Notaro]

And are you topless when you're in? Paint us a picture, you sexy thing.

[Fortune Feimster]

I have been topless before, but not this time because I don't have my backyard quite private yet. And.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you talking literal backyard or figurative backyard? Like my butthole fortune Marie.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't either. I just never know what you two are getting at before their mechanisms.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, well, I just tore out all. There was a bamboo in my backyard.

[Tig Notaro]

And what are we talking about?

[Fortune Feimster]

The actual bamboo. Okay. Not other stuff.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

But that it grows insanely wild and gets out of hand. So I had it all removed to avoid that. And they just planted ficus. But the ficus are gonna take a good month to two months to grow, so there's no privacy at the moment.

[Tig Notaro]

And what was the name of this spa? Tits out Tubs.

[Fortune Feimster]

So once the ficus are fully in. Tits out. Yeah. Except they're gonna be cold because this freaking hot tub's too short.

[Tig Notaro]

I need to know, on the day that you did tits out tub.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Were you also bottoms off bath?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I was fully nude. Fortune, it's a hot tub in your own backyard.

[Tig Notaro]

I know, but the ficus hasn't taken root.

[Fortune Feimster]

I've never. Not in the new place I have. I. There's not a privacy for naked here yet.

[Mae Martin]

I'm with you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. One day when the ficus are hardly in, it will create a wall, and that's when it's tits out, buttholes exposed.

[Mae Martin]

I can't wait for the ficus to be hardly in.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tits out tub. Butthole bath. Oh, boy.

[Mae Martin]

So we went from child kidnapping statistics to tits out tubs and butthole bath.

[Fortune Feimster]

My pool is like. So I'm so excited because, like, what a perfect treading pool. And then. Oh, bummer. I love. You know how much I love a hot tub.

[Tig Notaro]

We do.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I can't believe it's tits out tub in there. And I really wish it were deeper because I love a hot tub. But I guess I. If I go in there, I have to know. I just need to lay down in it.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, you're gonna have to, like, just fetal position in there.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I didn't like. I didn't like the bathtub at my old house, and I love the bathtub at this house. So, you know, it's all.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Little emails out.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

If we have anyone that works at tits out tubs, please write in. Let us know what you were thinking when you made Fortune's hot tub.

[Fortune Feimster]

I just think they didn't go deep enough with the hot tub.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. But we think and know with certainty that that was intentional because their tits out tubs and they want to eat.

[Fortune Feimster]

They like it that way.

[Tig Notaro]

They lead with it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Maybe my neighbors, my new neighbors. I suggested, like, don't go too deep to see tits out time.

[Tig Notaro]

I can't stand those neighbors of yours. Or my refrigerator in my apartment.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is it beeping? Is.

[Tig Notaro]

Can you hear the beeping?

[Mae Martin]

No.

[Fortune Feimster]

Maybe. Is it not closed?

[Tig Notaro]

It is. It's closed. And I had somebody come up to look at it, and they're like, oh, yeah, just press the alarm when the. When this beeps. And I'm like, but how about we fix it so I don't have to? Okay, hold on. Sorry. Okay, I'll be right back. You guys, bad. Talk me while I'm gone.

[Mae Martin]

Okay.

[Fortune Feimster]

That Tig.

[Mae Martin]

That what?

[Fortune Feimster]

Tig?

[Mae Martin]

I would.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did you see that walk to the fridge? A little. It was like a little. Was it a cute little zest in the. In Tig's butt?

[Mae Martin]

I want to see it. I want to go.

[Fortune Feimster]

Look how Dikey Tig looks right now.

[Tig Notaro]

What'd you say?

[Mae Martin]

Well, first of all, we were saying that the way you walked to the fridge, I didn't see. Was adorable.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, you did a little tushy shake. And I felt like that was for.

[Tig Notaro]

For you.

[Fortune Feimster]

It was for, I think, our handsome watchers. Well, and then I did say, you look dikey, but that was a compliment.

[Tig Notaro]

So wait, when I walked away, I was femme, and when I came back, I was daiky.

[Fortune Feimster]

Full femme on the way. Hardcore dyke on the way. But back.

[Tig Notaro]

Was it one of those things of, like, I hate for you to leave, but I love to watch you walk away?

[Fortune Feimster]

Exactly.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, well, Stephanie makes fun of me because when I.

[Fortune Feimster]

You did have your hands.

[Tig Notaro]

Did I?

[Fortune Feimster]

A little, I think. Or no. We're kind of down to the side at home.

[Tig Notaro]

Stephanie teases me on a daily basis. Because when I'm in the kitchen and I'm in my zone, and I'm, like, doing dishes, cleaning things up, loading the. Whatever I'm doing, I do this around the kitchen.

[Mae Martin]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

If little hands started bouncing with her.

[Mae Martin]

With her hands.

[Fortune Feimster]

Floppy, bouncy, dainty hands, Imagine Tig saying, girl right now. That's what Tig's hands are doing.

[Tig Notaro]

And I don't realize. I do it.

[Mae Martin]

You do it unconsciously. You just bump completely.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is my dainty wrist, too.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm in the kitchen, and I'm doing this. And Stephanie will be like, wrists. And I'm like, oh, yeah. I don't even know I'm doing it. But anyway, so you probably caught a little bit of pretty little lady in the kitchen.

[Fortune Feimster]

Caught a pretty little lady walking to the fridge and then. That's right. Tig. Okay. Dyke walking back.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You gotta have both.

[Mae Martin]

What'd you do. Do you unplug it or you.

[Tig Notaro]

There's a button that says alarm and you press the button. It's like, clearly there's something with this. Why would you make a refrigerator that beeps so frequently that you have to have a button to press the. To turn the alarm off?

[Fortune Feimster]

Is this one of those apartments where everything's like, included the furniture and everything?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, it's a hotel that also has a residence part. And so they put me in the residence area, which is great because I have, you know, my kitchen and dish or washer and dryer because, you know, I love. You gotta bounce around.

[Mae Martin]

You gotta. You gotta bounce around.

[Tig Notaro]

Pretty little lady heading to the kitchen.

[Fortune Feimster]

So.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, but I'm going to be on the phone with the front desk after this.

[Fortune Feimster]

Giving them a piece of your mind.

[Tig Notaro]

That's right.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, speaking about pieces of mind, should we hear who our question asker is and what's on their mind?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, we should.

[Mae Martin]

Absolutely. Today's question asker. I'm very excited because I met him in the Toronto airport a couple of years ago and he. I always, I go up to people if I recognize them and I like their work and, and he came up to me and this is Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20 who I grew up and also. Oh my God, his solo stuff, it's a hot one, like seven inches from the mid date. Remember that? Anyway, I love Rob Thomas.

[Tig Notaro]

I do, too. I loved Matchbox 20.

[Mae Martin]

Yes, yes. He, he. Rob Thomas was the lead vocalist for Matchbox 20. He performed on Santana's single Smooth, which won three Grammy awards and was a number one hit. His five albums with Matchbox 20 have sold millions of copies and received multiple Grammy nominations. Rob Thomas is asking today's question.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah, baby.

[Mae Martin]

Hello, you handsome devils. My name is Rob Thomas. I am a giant fan of all three of you. I've seen all of your specials. I love. What a joke. I loved Wayward. It means a lot to me to be able to ask you guys this very serious question today. What is something that you guys spend money on that your younger selves would.

[Fortune Feimster]

Have thought was extravagant? He has. I feel like musicians always have like a cool background. It's like a studio with equipment and guitars and stuff.

[Tig Notaro]

Especially when you're like tripping over Grammys and.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I hate tripping over Grammys. It's the worst. There's just always all these awards are in the way. I don't have any awards except for our hot HAHA award that we got for the best podcast of the year.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, and it's just right there.

[Mae Martin]

It's just right off here.

[Fortune Feimster]

Look. Handsome. Podcast of the year given to us by the Montreal Comedy Festival. It's a fun little. I see Mace got theirs in the background.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah. I should have brought it to Toronto.

[Mae Martin]

I'm amazed. You don't. You don't travel with it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Take.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm amazed. Yeah. That I should. Yeah, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Rob Thomas, very effortlessly cool and kind person.

[Fortune Feimster]

What was matchboxes? Matchbox 20s biggest hit.

[Mae Martin]

Push you away. That's where I will. Where I will.

[Fortune Feimster]

And also there's their stuff was so catchy.

[Mae Martin]

Oh my God. So good.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, that's how they sold 20.

[Fortune Feimster]

Millions and millions. Yeah. Rob also has great taste in comedians, I will say.

[Mae Martin]

Have you met him?

[Fortune Feimster]

I sure have not. But I love his taste in comedians.

[Mae Martin]

I love.

[Tig Notaro]

He said he likes us three, right?

[Fortune Feimster]

Exactly.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I don't think May caught that.

[Mae Martin]

You just got so southern though. Fortunately I've never did. I sure have not.

[Fortune Feimster]

I sure have not.

[Mae Martin]

I love that.

[Fortune Feimster]

I sure have not, y'. All. No, I sure have not, y'.

[Tig Notaro]

All. I sure have not. Madam, We all know that dogs aren't just pets. They're life companions, a member of the family as important as any other. That's why we want to give them as healthy and happy a life as possible. And that's why we feed them Ollie dog food.

[Fortune Feimster]

Biggie is, you know, the true star of Handsome. We all remember his various appearances on camera. Well, off camera, Biggie takes his diet very seriously. He's got a sensitive stomach, but Ollie has him covered.

[Tig Notaro]

Your dog's well being starts with their food and that's why Ollie delivers fresh human grade food that your dog will love. Head to ollie.com handsome tell them all about your dog and use code handsome to get 60% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today. Plus they offer a happiness guarantee on the first box. So if you're not completely satisfied, you'll get your money back. That's O l l I e.com handsome and enter code handsome to get 60% off your first box.

[Mae Martin]

Handsome loves our pontis. We appreciate a good set of underwear and that's why we love Tomboy X. Tomboy X is in the business of butts. They've been making size and gender inclusive underwear for over 10 years. So they know a thing or two about making the perfect pair. They make premium underwear, bras, swimwear and loungewear that's queer designed because Tomboy X is also queer founded and queer run from thongs. To boy shorts, to briefs. Tomboy X offers 12 different silhouettes so you can get the support that you want. All their designs are created with all day comfort in mind from sizes extra small through 6x.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love feeling comfortable in my skin and that's why I love Tomboy X. They even have a money back guarantee if the underwear they send you isn't the most comfortable you've ever worn. Guess what? The Tomboy X Black Friday sale is officially live with 30 off site wide. And their holiday collection is out now. So while you're at it, grab a festive base layer or matching pajamas.

[Mae Martin]

Customers love Tomboy X with one review mentioning that the fabric cut, elasticity, waistband and design are chef's kiss perfection. Head over to tomboyx.com and use promo code HANDSOME15 for 15 off your purchase and tell them Handsome Pods sent you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cold mornings holiday plans. This is when I need my wardrobe to just work. That's why I'm all about quints. They make it easy to look sharp, feel good and find gifts that last. From Mongolian cashmere sweaters to Italian wool coats.

[Tig Notaro]

I got Quince's featherless quilted long puffer jacket in verdant pine and I am loving it. It's made of 100% recycled materials. They keep me warm and keep plastic bottles out of oceans and landfills. And it's rated to keep me cozy down to 3 degrees Fahrenheit. The best part? It's only $100 compared to the $248 I'd pay for traditional retail.

[Fortune Feimster]

Get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with quints. Don't wait. Go to quince.com handsome for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N c e.com handsome free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com handsome do you remember like the.

[Mae Martin]

First time that you, like the first purchase you made when, when you had money? Like I think all of us went through periods of eating instant noodles and like true scrimping and saving. But yeah, when, when was the first time that you were like, oh, I can afford to do this?

[Fortune Feimster]

God, I, I was always so used to never having money because I grew up with, you know, we, I had a roof over my head and, and opportunities. So I know I was lucky in a lot of ways, but there was a lot of, you know, not knowing how we were going to pay the bills, a lot of lights getting shut off, water, uh, I remember My mom and brother came home one day and they're like, well, we gotta pack up the house because we're about to lose it. And I was like, what?

[Mae Martin]

And oh, my God, that's so stressful. How old were you in.

[Fortune Feimster]

That would have been like my sophomore year of high school and. But then my mom found a way to, like, hold on and.

[Tig Notaro]

Classic Ginger.

[Fortune Feimster]

Classic Ginger. She. She kept. She was able to keep the house, but so there was always like, my senior of college. They're like, I don't know if you're going to be able to graduate because y' all can't, you know, you haven't been able to pay this last bill. And I'm like, oh, my God. There's so. I always had like, something hanging over my head financially. Mm. And then when I moved to LA, I got here with like, literally, it's $25 in my pocket. It sounds like a made up story, but it, like, that is what I had.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Did you have somewhere to stay lined up?

[Fortune Feimster]

I stayed on a friend's couch who I went to college with until I could get on my feet.

[Tig Notaro]

You still live there, right?

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right.

[Mae Martin]

You're still in that couch.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's right. And then, you know, I just. Just started working my ass off and. But didn't really make money for a long time. I made enough to pay my bills, But I had two roommates out in LA for 10 years, so my first extravagant purchase was a home. And that was. That was.

[Mae Martin]

You're good with money.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're good. You're even in L. A. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And so were you just really saving and budgeting and.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, yeah, I. Well, I remember 2010, right before I got Chelsea lately. I made $18,000 that year and my, you know, and that's living in la. Like, rent is like. I mean, the majority of that is what my accountant was like, how did you live? How did you. I was like, I just figured out. I don't know. And then I got Chelsea like six months later, and that kind of saved everything. I owed my roommate, like two grand in rent when I got that job. And you don't get paid for like the first month of the. And I. Everybody was like, one of these fancy dinners. And I was like, I don't have, like. I was like, I'll have French fries.

[Tig Notaro]

As long as you pay for them.

[Fortune Feimster]

Once I got that Chelsea job, it was the first time in my life I was able to save and I just started saving and the house I bought was tiny and, you know, Expensive for la, but not expensive. It was not a fancy house at all. It was, like, in the Valley, like, super small. But I was like, I just want something of my own. And it ended up being the house. I still. I don't live there now, but I. I will treasure that house forever.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. Like, so when. When he's like, are there things now that your younger self would consider extravagant? It's like, everything probably, like, because extravagant.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Like, I. In my teens, I was just in a cycle of debt and. And mainly for drugs. Like, by, like, every check that I got was immediately gone. And then borrowing money and lying and owing money and, like, never being able to get out of that cycle. And then when I was like, 20, I started dating Lindsey Barton and she just had her shit together and was like 27 and just. And she kind of, like, just slowly sorted me out. And then we moved to England together and I was working. Yeah. So many day jobs and stuff. And the first time that I was like, oh, I can do something, like, recreational was. My friend was doing volunteer work in Spain or something, and we met up in Barcelona for a weekend and we like. Like to be able to go on vacation for a weekend to Europe with my friend and.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

And buy, like, paella and wine. But we were buying these boxes of wine called Don Simone, and it was. You'd get a box of rose that was sweeter than Kool Aid. It was so sweet. And it got. Yeah. And we had a really fun weekend.

[Fortune Feimster]

But, yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. I do credit like, Lindsay Barton for. Because she would. I mean, she was like, I want to live my life. I'm a grown person doing a master's degree in London and I had nothing really to bring to the table. But she didn't. She wasn't lending me tons of money or if she did, like, we'd keep track of it and I just became responsible and I worked.

[Fortune Feimster]

And yeah, I would say. I would say, currently, I am not an extravagant person still. Like, I'm lucky enough to be, you know, comfortable in my life and I'm making money because I work all the time. All I do is work, so. And I don't have kids. So by the nature of that, yes, I have some money because I'm not having the overhead that some people have. I don't buy. I'm not big into, like, Porsches. Yeah. I mean, I do at least a car. That's probably considered extravagant. And I do. I did get a home. But as far as, like, frivolous stuff, I don't I wear T shirts all the time and I'm not that. I don't like any designer thing. I'm not a jewelry person.

[Mae Martin]

You don't have a diamond Speedo?

[Fortune Feimster]

I do not. I do not. I am not. I'm not really big into stuff, so I like. I probably. Probably my biggest expense would be going out to eat. That would be something I really enjoy. I like going to dinner with friends and I like. Not. I like good food and. But I would say as far as something I bought that it was out of character for me as far as extravagant is. I had the opportunity to buy a multi cade stand up video game.

[Mae Martin]

Oh yeah, I know. Because I wanted to get it. I wanted. I thought you were gonna maybe get rid of it when you moved and I was sniffing around.

[Fortune Feimster]

Come with me. And everywhere I go. I bought it from a friend who I think probably regrets selling it. And it. I love it so much. It's vintage. It reminds me of childhood. It's loud as. Yeah, but it's so. It has all the games. Galaga, Pac Man, Donkey Kong, Space Invaders. That's cool.

[Tig Notaro]

So what about Pong?

[Mae Martin]

I love.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't think it has Pong.

[Mae Martin]

But.

[Tig Notaro]

It'Ll be amazing if it was just one big machine for Pong.

[Fortune Feimster]

Just. Yeah, yeah. You can plug it in and play away. That it takes. No, it has the quarter slots, but you don't need any quarters for it.

[Tig Notaro]

But don't tell people that.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know. I should just take.

[Mae Martin]

Take the quarters.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

I am not good with. I. I do buy a lot of stuff and, and it's.

[Tig Notaro]

We know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, I know. Your Amazon order alone was nuts.

[Mae Martin]

That was insanity. And. And also just to be supporting Amazon is so bad. Like I'm. I'm. I'm getting better. It's on my. It's on my list of personal improvement that I want to do. But again, I don't have dependence and I work tons and I don't. I don't buy like cars and stuff. Like I. So I do just buy like nice jackets and. And synthesizers.

[Fortune Feimster]

And nice jackets and synthesizers.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I don't know you. Tiglit.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you for using my God given name. I am not an extravagant person myself, but I remember when I first started in comedy. I don't know if you guys know Darlene Hunt.

[Mae Martin]

No, she's.

[Tig Notaro]

She's a really successful writer, producer, now showrunner type.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I know. Yeah, I know who that is.

[Tig Notaro]

Red curly hair. I met her in Stand Up. She's so deeply funny. It's weird. And I remember her getting on a sitcom and being like, yeah, I went to upfronts, which is like the whole. How would you describe upfronts?

[Fortune Feimster]

It's where they. Networks reveal their upcoming shows.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And so networks will put money into sending people out to New York and putting you in a nice hotel with like, yeah. You know, money to. To spend on food. And I remember her saying, like, yeah, I was just in this really nice hotel, and I could just order room service and eat out of the. You know, get whatever out of the mini bar. And I was like, what? I could not even comprehend, you know, it was like when we were open micrs still, when she got that. And I really. It seemed made up that this was Darlene's life. And to this day, I have to say that the frivolous thing that I will sometimes not often treat myself to is something out of the mini fridge in a hotel room, because that is something I would never have touched. And even to this day, I don't go nuts on it because I'm like, I'm not gonna spend $12 on some cashews.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know, that's like $2 in the convenience store.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't like. I don't like. I mean, I like being generous, but I don't like spending money.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wildly.

[Tig Notaro]

That kind of way of like $12 cashews.

[Mae Martin]

Right. Same.

[Tig Notaro]

So, yeah, But I would say that is something where I'm like, if I'm stuck in my hotel room and I'm hungry, I'll be like, oh, right, $8 bag of tiny chips. I'll eat you.

[Mae Martin]

Would you have a little drink from the. You're not much of a drinker, but would you have, like, a solo whiskey in a hotel if you're feeling real, like, real emotion?

[Tig Notaro]

There's no world where I would have a solo whiskey. Like, I don't. There's. There's no. In fact, I really. In the past few years, it's so silly to say I quit drinking because you never really. Yeah, because it paints a picture. Like, I really had to finally get rid of that in my life. But I stopped doing that a few years ago. And so, no, I don't have a solo whiskey. I usually just will have water, pistachios.

[Mae Martin]

Tap water, and a cold.

[Tig Notaro]

But it feels. It feels very extravagant still.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But to me, it's like, I think that the more I'm talking about, it feels like that. Wow. I guess I'm doing okay. I'm treating myself. Hotel minibar.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I won't ever Drink the alcohol out of the mini bar because that's even like triple the price. But if I. I'm not a big, big drinker. But I like an Old Fashioned here and there.

[Tig Notaro]

We know.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'll just go down to the bar in the lobby, get an old Fashioned and go back up to the room.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't. It doesn't feel good to me to. I love like plow through, but go ahead.

[Mae Martin]

I love like like devices and things that are advertised to me on Instagram and like massagers or like like those like face products and things. And I like being generous. And so I for years thought I am really going all out for Christmas and I would get my parents these like I don't know, like an infrared. Like you know, just this like just junk really. And. And oh, there's the depuffer.

[Fortune Feimster]

I get the puffer out.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah. But my parents finally were like please don't get us that. We don't, we don't like it breaks after one use. Like we don't need it or want it. But yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know what I did when I got an early paycheck from Chelsea lately because I had never made much money before. I bought everyone in my family Omaha steaks. And I thought I have made it. I'm stakes for everybody. Freaking oma. I just remembered that. I totally forgot that I did that.

[Mae Martin]

What is an Omaha steak?

[Tig Notaro]

There we go.

[Mae Martin]

Sorry, is that a specific.

[Fortune Feimster]

So it's a company, Omaha, Nebraska. It's out of Omaha, Nebraska. They, they sell steaks. But it's kind of the steaks that are like, you know, they're not fancy.

[Tig Notaro]

They're Sizzler maybe.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. It's like a low grade steak but they sell them in bulk. So you can send somebody like 16 steaks.

[Mae Martin]

That's what you. And that you were.

[Fortune Feimster]

I did that for my whole family. I was like, I made it steaks for everybody.

[Tig Notaro]

Sixteen low grade steaks for you. Sixteen low grade steaks for you and sixteen low grade steaks for you.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm sure some of their meat is high quality. I probably got the very basic box of basic bitch steaks.

[Tig Notaro]

Here's my question for you, Fortune. Yeah. You have a dipuffer.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Have I seen a huge difference in your face when I see you?

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I'm not using it every day. That's the problem.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Mae Martin]

Right.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm just telling you nothing. I've noticed nothing.

[Fortune Feimster]

May's extravagant purchase was that sauna.

[Mae Martin]

Oh yeah. And that was really worth it.

[Fortune Feimster]

And that I now I'M like, should I have an extravagant purchase and do that?

[Mae Martin]

Well, the sauna. And probably some. Some research is going to come out that, like, you know, counters this, but they really do say if you sauna, like, three or four times a week, it's. Your overall health is like. Like if you're 40 something anyways.

[Fortune Feimster]

Ye.

[Tig Notaro]

You're gonna live 40 of all kidnappings happen in a sauna.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Well, I don't want to go to the gym, so I'd much rather be in a sauna.

[Mae Martin]

Really?

[Fortune Feimster]

What you're telling me.

[Mae Martin]

Get yourself some nice aromatherapy oils and get that. Get that sauna. It is really worth it. I'm going. I went this morning.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm. I'm gonna settle into this home because this was my latest extravagant purchase. But I don't see it as. It's an investment. Yeah. So I see it as a responsible purchase. But in time, once I've not spent as much money as I recently have, I might look into that.

[Mae Martin]

Well, you know how Tig did a little. Pretty little lady scurry to the fridge?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

So picture me in the morning because I go in. In just my underwear and.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

But I. I scurry because I have roommates. Right. My friend and his girlfriend live in my back house. So I scurry out of my underwear to the sauna. And then I always. When I'm coming out, it's right at the moment that his girlfriend's walking out, and I'm like, I don't think that's an accident. I'm sweaty, I'm lobster red, and I'm just scurrying.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm gonna say it. I think it's not an accident.

[Mae Martin]

What you think I want her to see.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, no, no. She knows when you're coming out of that.

[Tig Notaro]

She wants to see it.

[Mae Martin]

She's hilarious. She really cracks me up. She's really formed a relationship with this stray cat. She made him an Instagram account. Dean, we've named him. And. And she's feeding him. She's. She's hilarious. And. And, like, I'm just so in awe of starting fresh in a new country where you don't speak the language. And sometimes we're like, I always forget that her English isn't great because we're chatting away. And. And then last night, it was silent for a while, and Matt said, what percentage of what I say do you think you understand? And she was like, 15.

[Fortune Feimster]

We were like, what?

[Mae Martin]

And he was like, you're my. They're married. He was like, 15.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wait, what's her first language?

[Mae Martin]

Chinese.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, gosh.

[Mae Martin]

Mandarin.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, we're back to percentages.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, we're back to percentages on this.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. There's a theme here. Should we hear what Mr. Handsome Face has to say?

[Mae Martin]

Yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Is that what he goes by?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, Handsome Face or Rob Thomas. Either one.

[Tig Notaro]

He knows who he is.

[Mae Martin]

Like, for me, I like a nice hotel room. I like first class seats on a.

[Fortune Feimster]

Plane, and I like really good dinners.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't need to buy things, I don't need to own things, but I.

[Mae Martin]

Don'T mind spending money on experiences.

[Tig Notaro]

How do you guys feel about that?

[Fortune Feimster]

I do like that. I will. I will spend money on travel to have like a. To. Yeah. To enjoy another place. Yeah.

[Mae Martin]

Also, if you're traveling all the time for work and you're exhausted, like, anything you can do to make that process a little less.

[Fortune Feimster]

Mm.

[Tig Notaro]

See, I'm. So if I'm traveling with my family. Yeah, let's go for it. Have a nice vacation. If it's just me.

[Mae Martin]

You're in a hostel.

[Tig Notaro]

No. Like, what'd you say? Fortune.

[Fortune Feimster]

I didn't mean to interrupt, but I just got infiltrated by Omaha Steaks. I'm not lying.

[Mae Martin]

What do you mean?

[Tig Notaro]

What do you mean infiltrated?

[Fortune Feimster]

I just looked at my. I just got addicted.

[Tig Notaro]

Are you online? Are you checking email and Instagram?

[Fortune Feimster]

I got ADD and looked at my email and it says omaha steak since 1917. You've been selected. Great Steak sampler. What?

[Mae Martin]

Wait, is it listening to you?

[Fortune Feimster]

Of course.

[Tig Notaro]

Of course. Everyone listens to our podcast. Even Omaha Steaks.

[Mae Martin]

No, that's creepy. That's.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sorry.

[Tig Notaro]

But more importantly, fortunately, you cannot be doing your text and emails and Omaha Steak ordering. When you are on with us, you are focused.

[Fortune Feimster]

All I did was just click one thing.

[Tig Notaro]

When you are on with us, you are focused.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm focused. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.

[Tig Notaro]

What was my experiences? Oh. When I'm on the road, I. I just go, I. Here's the thing. Courtyard Marriott. Well, first of all, my favorite thing when I check into a Courtyard Marriott is saying, oh, my gosh, I'm so excited. Which way is the courtyard? And then they're like, oh, we don't have a courtyard. I'm like, really? This Courtyard Marriott? Right.

[Fortune Feimster]

False advertising.

[Tig Notaro]

But I heard. I don't know if it's true that Bob Dylan chooses Courtyard Marriott as well. Somebody told me that. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

I started it for the mattresses, and then when I stayed at places nicer and not as nice, I. I like a Courtyard Marriott mattress.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's what you like. I stand by the doubletree, gives you chocolate chip cookies. I do enjoy that.

[Mae Martin]

That's nice.

[Tig Notaro]

They're not vegan.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't think. I know. I don't think I've gone to a hotel and clocked the mattress. Oh really?

[Tig Notaro]

Do you have a bad back?

[Fortune Feimster]

No, but I feel like that's probably coming in time.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I have a bad back. I had spinal fusion and boy, do I have to keep an eye on.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

What I'm sleeping on.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh yeah, for sure. If you've got that going, then you would notice that a lot.

[Mae Martin]

And are you like a Marriott member or something?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh my God. I could get points there.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I like the.

[Fortune Feimster]

I like the boutique hotels. Usually when I'm traveling I like the little local. Whatever cute hotel they've put in that area.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. But you know what? Not very reliable mattresses at boutique hotels.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, I do like a chain where I know there's going to be just your basic gym, your business center, your.

[Tig Notaro]

Your tits out tub, your. Yeah, yeah, your.

[Mae Martin]

What was it? Butts out, butthole bath.

[Fortune Feimster]

Usually these boutique hotels have a. One of those coffee shops where the people are real turds to you.

[Mae Martin]

And I love that you like that when you're getting.

[Fortune Feimster]

Because the meaner they are, the better the coffee is.

[Mae Martin]

Yeah, that checks out.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that didn't happen for me in New York this last time.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, really?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, they were seen so mad at.

[Fortune Feimster]

Me and shitty coffee.

[Tig Notaro]

It was just fine. It was perfectly fine.

[Fortune Feimster]

Not worth the tude.

[Tig Notaro]

No, I asked for half decaf as you do. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Anyway.

[Mae Martin]

And what?

[Tig Notaro]

She was like, he, yeah, he goes, so decaf. And I said, well, no, if I could get two shots regular and then two decaf. And he stared at me like I had ordered a frappa wipa cherry on top. You know, like, I was just like, man, I just want to, you know, a quad cap, half decaf with almond milk. Fine. It's not straightforward, but that's what I was in the mood for. It wasn't that insane.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Anyway. Anyway.

[Tig Notaro]

Guy was a jerk. Well, that was lovely hearing from Rob Thomas. I really am a fan and if anybody cares, I have a tour right now. Tickets are on sale for my out of Nowhere Tour. Go to tignotaro.com for all my tour dates. I'm hidden mainly minor markets right now. And I don't mean that in an offensive way. Just smaller cities, smaller towns. That's cool, you know, hitting all that first. Also the documentary I produced, come see me in the Good Light is out on Apple tv. Check that out. Share it with friends. What's going on guys?

[Mae Martin]

I have a tour. I'm going to 35 cities. I'm really pumped and tickets are on maymartin.net it starts the end of February. Come see if I'm coming to your city and then come say hi and I'm going to do stand up and then mix in some music and improv and all kinds of things. So come.

[Fortune Feimster]

Awesome. Yeah. Later this month I'll be in St. Petersburg, Florida and Orlando, Florida and then Norfolk, Norfolk, Virginia, Salt Lake City, Vancouver and Seattle and at the top of the year, New Orleans, Mobile, Atlanta and Cincinnati. So check those out.

[Tig Notaro]

FortuneFienster.com also go to HandsomePod.com for merchandise and rate review. Subscribe to the podcast as well as our YouTube channel and also share your favorite episode with a friend. This community continues to grow and it's just the coolest. So thank you everyone for listening and until next time, what do you say we keep Handsome?

[Fortune Feimster]

Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Wuellette. Email [e-mail] and follow us on social media. ANSOMEPOD what a podcast.

[Mae Martin]

What a podcast. That was a headgum podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

You know what's smart? Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on your car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking that you get some stamps when you're sending out thank you notes. You wrote thoughtful notes to everyone who RSVP'd and now it's gonna take an extra trip to the post office to get everything mailed off.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois Quick choose a meal deal.

[Fortune Feimster]

With McValue, the five dollar McChicken meal deal, a six dollar McDouble meal deal.

[Mae Martin]

Or the new seven dollar Daily Double meal deal, each with its own small.

[Fortune Feimster]

Fries, drink and four four piece of McNuggets.

[Mae Martin]

There's actually no rush. I'm just excited.

[Fortune Feimster]

From McDonald's for a limited time only.

[Mae Martin]

Prices of participation may vary. Not Bells or McDelry.