Sheryl Lee Ralph asks about being too much

Summary

Podcast Summary: Handsome – Episode "Sheryl Lee Ralph Asks About Being Too Much"

Release Date: November 26, 2024

In this engaging and introspective episode of "Handsome", hosts Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and May Martin delve into the complexities of personal identity and the impact of being perceived as "too much." Prompted by a thought-provoking question from renowned actress and singer Sheryl Lee Ralph, the trio navigates through personal anecdotes, book insights, and heartfelt discussions, all wrapped in their signature humor and warmth.

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1. Thanksgiving Reflections and Host Camaraderie (02:15 – 05:00)

As Thanksgiving approaches, the hosts begin by expressing gratitude for one another, setting a tone of appreciation and camaraderie. Fortune Feimster introduces her new hat, sparking a playful exchange about fashion choices and photo shoot experiences. This lighthearted segment underscores the deep bond and mutual support among the hosts.

Notable Quote:

Tig Notaro [02:31]: "My favorite, my favorite holiday."

2. Navigating Personal Style and Public Perception (05:00 – 12:00)

The conversation transitions to personal style and the challenges of maintaining authenticity in public appearances. May Martin shares her experience with photo shoots, emphasizing the importance of being comfortable and genuine. The discussion highlights the balance between self-expression and societal expectations.

Notable Quote:

May Martin [03:36]: "Our photo shoot, when we didn't even know what the podcast was really, I don't think we'd even landed on a format, but we were like, gotta take these pics and these beautiful suits. That was super fun."

3. Embracing Quirks and Comedic Elements (12:00 – 20:00)

Delving deeper into personal quirks, the hosts discuss the use of comedic props like rubber chickens and whoopee cushions. Fortune Feimster and May Martin explore the fine line between humor and being perceived as overbearing, sharing laughs over past experiences and the timelessness of certain comedic elements.

Notable Quote:

May Martin [05:02]: "It's a plucked dead rubber chicken."

4. Book Spotlight: "The 5am Club" (11:00 – 20:00)

Tig Notaro introduces "The 5am Club", a book that has significantly influenced her approach to productivity and personal growth. She passionately discusses the book's themes of focus, accountability, and the benefits of an early morning routine. Despite her struggles with sleep issues, Tig finds the book's message inspiring and transformative.

Notable Quote:

Tig Notaro [11:03]: "We are living in a time where everyone is dividing their attention. They’re not focusing in a way that as a human being you should be focusing to achieve all of your hopes and dreams."

5. Addressing Criticism: "Being Too Much" (25:12 – 38:00)

The heart of the episode centers around Sheryl Lee Ralph's question: "Do you think that when people tell you, 'you're too much,' or 'you're this or that,' you should just let it slide?" The hosts share personal experiences of receiving such feedback and discuss strategies for handling it constructively.

May Martin emphasizes self-worth and the importance of surrounding oneself with supportive individuals:

May Martin [26:40]: "If someone tells me I'm too much, then I'm not for them."

Fortune Feimster adds her perspective on maintaining balance and authenticity:

Fortune Feimster [27:27]: "I feel like I can find the balance with, like, silliness and also being a normal human who understands life and idiosyncrasies and nuances."

Tig Notaro reflects on personal growth through her comedy career:

Tig Notaro [30:36]: "Once I became a comedian and I could get it out of my system, I've for the most part gotten it out of my system."

6. Deepening Friendships and Overcoming Past Hurts (35:00 – 38:00)

Tig Notaro shares a poignant story about reconnecting with a childhood friend and addressing past grievances related to being "too much." This segment underscores the value of honest communication and the healing power of forgiveness in sustaining long-term relationships.

Notable Quote:

Tig Notaro [35:09]: "I didn’t know how to use my superpower of comedy correctly, and I’m so sorry I did that."

7. Rapid Fire Questions: Personal Insights (44:20 – 55:26)

In a fun and dynamic rapid fire segment, the hosts answer Cheryl Lee Ralph's questions, revealing quirky and surprising facts about themselves. This light-hearted portion highlights their playful sides and deepens listeners' connection to the hosts.

Notable Highlights:

• May Martin [44:48]: "It's my hands."
• Fortune Feimster [49:33]: Admiration for Paul F. Tompkins' hands.
• Tig Notaro [49:02]: Reveals she wore lacy underwear during her teenage years to appear "cool."

Notable Quote:

Cheryl Lee Ralph [53:31]: "I used to play first violin in the orchestra... I was so good at the violin."

8. Final Thoughts and Announcements (55:26 – 59:23)

As the episode concludes, the hosts share upcoming tour dates, new projects, and merchandise releases. They extend heartfelt Thanksgiving wishes to their listeners, reinforcing the episode's themes of gratitude and self-acceptance.

Notable Quote:

May Martin [56:06]: "Have Happy Thanksgiving Holiday."

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Key Takeaways

• Embrace Your Authentic Self: Being "too much" is often a matter of perception. Embracing one's unique traits can lead to deeper connections with those who appreciate you genuinely.

• Constructive Handling of Criticism: When faced with negative feedback, it's essential to assess its validity and decide whether to accept or dismiss it based on personal growth and self-worth.

• Personal Growth Through Reflection: Honest conversations and self-reflection are crucial for overcoming past mistakes and fostering meaningful relationships.

• Balancing Humor and Authenticity: While humor is a powerful tool for expression and connection, it's important to balance it with authenticity to avoid being misunderstood or perceived negatively.

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This episode of "Handsome" offers a blend of humor, vulnerability, and insightful discussions, making it a relatable and enriching listen for anyone grappling with personal identity and the pressures of societal expectations. Through their candid dialogue and shared experiences, Tig, Fortune, and May create an atmosphere of empathy and empowerment, encouraging listeners to embrace their true selves.

Transcript

[Fortune Feimster]

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[Tig Notaro]

Like you know how to check for everything on your Thanksgiving shopping list before the big day?

[May Martin]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the US Only. Savings vary. Terms apply Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois Whether it's.

[Tig Notaro]

A may fact or a revelation about a fellow host, here at Handsome, we're all about lifelong learning. For a gift that's always on time and lasts a lifetime, you can't do better than Masterclass.

[May Martin]

With Masterclass, your loved ones can learn from the best to become their best. Masterclass is the only streaming platform where you can learn and grow with over 200 of the world's best. That's why Wirecutter calls it an invaluable gift. I love to give an invaluable gift and I gifted a Masterclass membership to my brother and his reaction was pure excitement. He was so into it. I think he's going to take a class on cooking and finally become a chef.

[Tig Notaro]

Masterclass always has great offers during the holidays, sometimes up to as much as 50% off. Head over to masterclass.com handsome for the current offer. That's up to 50% off at masterclass.com handsome masterclass.com handsome Dear listeners, we have a couple of very exciting announcements as we head into this Handsome Holibob season.

[May Martin]

Number one, we now have cozy Handsome sweatpants. And oh my God, we have Handsome ponties for sale at our merch store.

[Tig Notaro]

Secondly, we're having our first ever sale, so head over to handsomepod.com get your sweatpants, get your ponties, and get yourself a deal. That's handsomepod.com.

[Fortune Feimster]

This is a headgum podcast.

[May Martin]

Handsome Friends on the Handsome Pot. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pot.

[Tig Notaro]

Cheers.

[Fortune Feimster]

Welcome to the Handsome Pod.

[May Martin]

Unfortunate Feimster, I'm May Martin and I.

[Tig Notaro]

Am your dear, dear friend, Tig Notaro.

[Fortune Feimster]

And it's Thanksgiving week, you guys.

[Tig Notaro]

My favorite, my favorite holiday.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know we are some Americans and Canadians combined into one Handsome pod, but this week we're giving thanks for each other.

[Tig Notaro]

That's right.

[May Martin]

I'm grateful for you guys.

[Tig Notaro]

Fortune's got a hat on. Oh, I like this look. Go to YouTube. Go look at Fortune with a hat on. That is a good looking hat.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thank you.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Where'd you get that?

[Fortune Feimster]

I went to a soccer game out here in LA and It's the. I think it's the men's soccer team hat.

[Tig Notaro]

Good looking. It says LA handsome.

[Fortune Feimster]

Should I leave it on? Should I do the pod with a hat on?

[Tig Notaro]

For sure.

[May Martin]

It's a very LA look.

[Tig Notaro]

Like I would pull it down a little more.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, like this?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay. I give thanks for you guys helping me with my fashion.

[Tig Notaro]

A fashion.

[Fortune Feimster]

I just had to do a. Or I'm about to do a photo shoot. Oh, I don't like photo shoots. No, not with this hat. I gotta. For my new tour. You know, they just have you do photo shoots every now and then because they're like, we need pictures for your website and for this and that, and I don't like a photo shoot. Do you guys like them?

[Tig Notaro]

I hate. Well, you like them.

[May Martin]

I know I. I historically hate them. But I will say, our photo shoot, when we didn't even know what the. The podcast was really, I don't think we'd even landed on a format, but we were like, gotta take these pics and these beautiful suits. That was super fun. And I love those pics.

[Fortune Feimster]

Those pics are good.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Three awkward handsome people in suits. Yeah, those pics are great. But generally I find like. Or at least when you're first starting out and you're scared to say no to people. Did photographers try to get you to do, like, funny stuff in photo shoots? They're like, hold this rubber chicken and like, jump in the air.

[Tig Notaro]

I always recommended a rubber chicken. A rubber chicken? Yeah. It's like, this will be funny.

[Fortune Feimster]

It is funny. If you go to the Comedy Store because there are the pictures like that from like the, like maybe the 80s, and they'll be like, you know, somebody's holding like, a rubber chicken. Oh, man.

[May Martin]

For the record, what is supposed to be funny about a rubber chicken? Like, it's not like a whoopee cushion where it does something like, does like. What is it? It's like a plucked.

[Tig Notaro]

You don't think that's funny? A rubber chicken? That doesn't.

[May Martin]

I feel like I'm tickle you. I'm missing the joke. Like it squeaks or what?

[Fortune Feimster]

I think like, you step on it or something and it squeaks.

[Tig Notaro]

Even if it doesn't squeak, it's hilarious. It's a rubber chicken.

[May Martin]

It's a plucked dead rubber chicken.

[Fortune Feimster]

But that's like whoopee cushions used to be so hilarious back there.

[Tig Notaro]

But they make a noise.

[May Martin]

They at least make a noise. And it's a fart noise and you hide it. There's an element of surprise. What do you do, just throw a.

[Tig Notaro]

Rubber chicken at someone, you know who loves a whoopee cushion?

[May Martin]

Me, my sons, we got to get together.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh. When people come over, they are still at that age where they believe that when you're acting like you don't notice that they're going and putting. Quickly putting it underneath you and. Oh, man. Yeah, they love a whoopee cushion. And we have many that are, like, split and destroyed around the house because somebody sat on them too hard.

[May Martin]

They break really easily.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I didn't know this.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Well, now you know.

[May Martin]

Is it Mel Brooks or Leslie Nielsen or. Someone used to always bring a fart machine to interviews and press trinkets and, like, where he'd press a button in his hand and it would. And it's just classic.

[Fortune Feimster]

That is pretty funny, Tay. You know, you should do that.

[Tig Notaro]

Do what?

[Fortune Feimster]

Bring a fart machine to your interviews.

[Tig Notaro]

That's really my style, you know?

[May Martin]

Yeah, that's true.

[Tig Notaro]

It's like, slightly off. I would like it if somebody else did it to me. You know what I mean? Like, or I watch them do it. Yeah. I know somebody whose mother used to just pass gas on purpose just as a human being in the world. I mean, like, she'd make eye contact with and be mid sentence.

[May Martin]

Love that.

[Tig Notaro]

And let her rip. And then just excuse herself and keep talking because it was natural.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God, that's so good.

[Fortune Feimster]

That, like, when did we.

[Tig Notaro]

She wasn't being funny. She was just like, yeah, that happened. And I'm sorry, excuse me, what did you say?

[May Martin]

So how come no other animal species is embarrassed by, like, why are we embarrassed by farting?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm not. Are you. You're embarrassed by it? Me?

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah. I don't want to do it in front of people, but I love. When I've talked about this before, I think that it's like a. Not that I have a fart fetish. I don't. I want to clarify.

[Fortune Feimster]

I really don't.

[May Martin]

But there's something about the confidence of someone who knows that you are so in love with them that they can fart as a punchline. And you're. That's. The confidence is so hot.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like.

[May Martin]

Like some beautiful person who's just like, hey, May. I'm like, I'm in love.

[Fortune Feimster]

I will say, and I'm not a big. I'm not big into fart noises and that kind of stuff, but there is a guy on TikTok who goes around and yes, I've seen. He goes in front of people, like, on walks and stuff, and he jumps up in the air and it. And the fart. This huge fart noise comes out, and it's just so funny to see the people be like, what just happened? And he's always, like, just, like, fart bombing people in the funniest ways. I don't usually find that stuff funny, and I think it's hilarious only because he's, like, literally jumping like a cheerleader in the air. And it's the most extreme version of farting in public. Yeah, it's crazy.

[May Martin]

I just found out. I think this is connected to the Leslie Nielsen, Mel Brooks thing, but I just found out that Mrs. Robinson from the Graduate, you know, Ann Bancroft, this, like, glamorous, beautiful actress, she was married to Mel brooks for, like, 30 years. Yeah, I didn't know that. I love that. She was like. I saw an interview on Instagram where she was like, I always thought I'd be married to some, like, Clark Gable person. And then I was at a party and I heard this little voice coming out of the shadows, and it was Mal Brooks. And I realized, that's my guy.

[Tig Notaro]

That's my guy.

[May Martin]

I love that.

[Tig Notaro]

It's funny when you. When something like that takes you by surprise, like, yeah. Oh, that's. I'm. I'm into you, like, and, like, figuring out different. Well, I guess Fortune and I were talking about this on our. On our mini episode. Pretty little episode is like, when you meet personalities that you've never met before and like, what. What a mystery this person is. Like, what? You do this and you like this, and you can do this, and you are good at that, but you can't do. I don't even understand who I'm talking to right now. Yeah, it's so fun.

[May Martin]

Like, you think there's a finite number of types of people, and you're like, oh, yeah, I know this type of person. And then you meet someone, you're like, you're a whole new thing.

[Tig Notaro]

Who the hell are you?

[May Martin]

Yeah, I want to make a deck of tarot cards, but where I pick the. So instead of like, the hangman, the fool, like the high priestess, you pick archetypes from your life, like the friend who's annoying, but they're kind of like family at this point. So you still see them. You know what I mean?

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[May Martin]

I don't know what the types would.

[Tig Notaro]

Be, but that is a funny. Right off the bat, I know that person, the annoying person, that is. They're in there.

[May Martin]

They're in there till death and you're.

[Tig Notaro]

Like, till death, I guess.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I have a couple of those.

[Tig Notaro]

There are some people, though, that you still gotta kick them to the curb if they're bringing you down. And they're terribly negative and all of that stuff. You gotta cut them loose.

[May Martin]

I should cut people lose more maybe. But I. Hang on. But maybe I would, like, phase them out or I wouldn't see them as much, but. Yeah. When people are so stuck in power patterns that you're like, we're having the same. I'm sure a lot of people feel this about me, actually, as I'm saying that. I'm sure a lot of my friends are like this again. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Here we go.

[May Martin]

Here we go. Let's get this dusty volume off the shelf and crack the old spine.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm perfect.

[May Martin]

Yeah, you are fortunate.

[Tig Notaro]

Go to YouTube.

[Fortune Feimster]

Go to YouTube.

[Tig Notaro]

You know what I wanted to share is I was telling Thomas about this the other day. I've been reading this book called the 5am Club, and I'm almost finished. I cannot recommend this book enough.

[Fortune Feimster]

Does it mean you have to get.

[May Martin]

Up at 5am I'm worried about.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know about this.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah. You can. You can.

[May Martin]

You can poo. Poo it.

[Tig Notaro]

You can throw all this negative attitude towards me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Change. Change my mind.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I can't. You'd have to read this book. It's so. I do not want it to end. It's so unbelievably inspiring. And whenever I read a book, I'll jot down quotes or thoughts that I have this book. I keep the notes in my phone. I have to keep my phone next to me so I can. I'm like, oh, my God, I have to transfer this quote, this thought. This is so incredible.

[May Martin]

Yeah, I love that feeling.

[Tig Notaro]

And it's really a book about zero excuses. Like, zero excuses, none. No lying, no excuses, no sneaking around some other way. And it's also all about how you function in life when nobody's watching, that you are holding yourself fully accountable. And that 5am part is that you start your day at 5am because it sounds daunting, but, like, if you get on a schedule, then it doesn't even matter, like that you're getting up at 5am Look, I have not mastered this because I have terrible sleep issues. So I'm trying to get on top of that. But I am so inspired by this book. But basically, my kids, their day doesn't really start till seven. That's when they have to really get dressed, get their teeth brushed, have their Breakfast. And we have to be out the door by like 7:50. If I were to get up between 5 and 7am I could have worked out. I could have done. Writing creative, you have this chunk of time when the rest of the world is sleeping. And you know what I really loved and I'll be quite quiet about this book, but I have to say, like, I think about it all the time. I can't wait to get back to the book. I don't want it to end. One of my favorite things that it said is that the world right now is so full of distracted people that are just staring at their phones.

[May Martin]

Oh my God. Yeah. The amount of like stimulation.

[Tig Notaro]

But not just that. Okay, okay. This is where I was like, oh my gosh.

[Fortune Feimster]

Tig is adjusting herself in her seat right now.

[Tig Notaro]

It's really simple. But it blew my mind. We are living in a time where everyone is dividing their attention. They're not focusing in a way that as a human being you should be focusing to achieve all of your hopes and dreams. And because this time period is full of people so distracted and on their phones, it is the perfect time for people to focus and actually excel and succeed in their life.

[May Martin]

That appeals to me. That's like a sneaky little yes.

[Tig Notaro]

Because everyone else is just staring at their phone.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And said, by the way, it's a very staring your butthole fortune. Marie. But it is, it's a. The majority, 99% of the population is staring at their phone. And so if you make yourself that small percentage that focuses and betters yourself.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

You're going to. And this isn't just like you're going to rule the world. You're going to be a billionaire. Whatever it, whatever it is that you want to apply this to, to make your life better, you're going to attract.

[May Martin]

Abundance in that way.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And it's there for the taking.

[May Martin]

You know how Fortune has taken on board the treading water and stuff. I'm going to, when I get back to LA, look at those guns.

[Tig Notaro]

Go to YouTube.

[May Martin]

Fortune's showing her guns.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, when I get back to.

[May Martin]

La, when I'm like trying to settle back into a routine, I'm gonna. And you don't have to respond. I'm just gonna send you a thumbs up emoji at 5am when I'm up at 5 and I'm gonna start.

[Tig Notaro]

That just gave me chills. Because you know what? I'm not gonna ask you, I'm not gonna follow up. I'm not. Whatever.

[May Martin]

But I'll Be a little bit accountable to someone or just like, it'll feel good to be like, hey, I did it. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And listen, it better not be. You're giving me a thumbs up at 5am because you were up all night having an orgy.

[May Martin]

Thumbs up.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thumbs up.

[Tig Notaro]

And let me just clarify once again, I have not mastered this because I'm really struggling with my sleep. But I'm trying to use that focus when I can during my days or mornings when I do get up.

[May Martin]

I like that. So it's also. Yeah. If you find yourself with a few hours in the afternoon, it's like, how do I. Yeah, you have to give.

[Tig Notaro]

Your 100% focus, which means not stopping to look at your phone or do anything else.

[May Martin]

Like, I feel like it can apply also to rest or play. It's like, it doesn't have to be just about productivity. It's like if I'm like, oh, I'm gonna, you know, have a bath or read a book or take care of myself, it's like, focus on that. And that's equally. Yeah, I'm going to say, well, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And the book also talks about how everybody talks about how busy they are. They're so busy. They're so busy. They're so busy. But busy doesn't necessarily mean productivity.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

The way they break everything down in this book is just.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love it. You know who is in that club? Who? Mark Wahlberg.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

He gets up at 3:30 or 4. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

He gets up and he goes and he works out. And he punished him.

[Tig Notaro]

They prayed up, but it's not punishing.

[Fortune Feimster]

He goes and gets a prayer to the Lord. He goes and works out. He goes and eats his salmon. He says, say hello to your mother for me. And then he sells his municipal clothing. He's got his tequila on Instagram. I mean, he does this all before you even woke up.

[May Martin]

I don't want the rigidity around what I do with it. Like, it's like I want to be doing new things with that time, but I want to. Yeah. What?

[Tig Notaro]

I don't want to make it your own. Yeah, yeah, you make it your own. But, you know, and maybe you won't make it. Maybe I won't get a thumbs up from you, but.

[May Martin]

And send me your thumbs up too, if.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure.

[May Martin]

I had one thing like that that like, sort of changed the way I think recently was I was talking about how I loved, like, when I was living with a child, I loved bedtime and bath time. Like, that's the cutest. Oh my God. Like bath time. Making someone so cozy. And I was like, I really enjoyed like being outside of myself and just my job is make this kid so cozy.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

And then the person was like, well, what do you do for your bedtime and bath time? And I was like, I don't know, like, have a cigarette and then scroll on my phone for a few hours and like, probably like jerk off and then like get depressed. You know, jerk off, have a cigarette.

[Tig Notaro]

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[May Martin]

Like you know how to check and double check that the oven's off before you leave the house?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

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[May Martin]

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[Tig Notaro]

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[Fortune Feimster]

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[Tig Notaro]

Handsome is hitting the road. That's right. We'll be live in Nashville, Tennessee on Sunday, April 6th at Ryman Auditorium.

[May Martin]

Then we'll be in Austin, Texas on April 12th as part of the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. So get your tickets while they're still available and check out our social media pages for more info. And she was like, no, you gotta do. You gotta treat your inner child like get. Make yourself the coziest you can. Like have a nice bath, read yourself a little story, tuck yourself in. Like you know what I mean? And I was like oh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

You need to have cozy bedtime.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And bathroom cigarette, grilled cheese.

[May Martin]

Seriously. I think because I haven't had a routine while I've been filming and I'm eating at weird times, I'm like, yeah, I've been, I've been smoking too much and I. Discombobulating.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's no way to have like a real life during that.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Crazy process.

[Tig Notaro]

I think that's why also it's been really helpful for me to be reading this while I'm filming because I'm so kind of out of sorts in a different country, a different time zone, away from my family. I don't have, you know, I just don't. I don't really understand my life right now.

[May Martin]

Yeah, yeah, same.

[Tig Notaro]

So I'm trying to return to Los Angeles a better person.

[May Martin]

I'm writing down the 5am Club.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, everybody write down the 5am club. Even if it sounds daunting to get up at 5am and you never plan to. What the book talks about is truly so inspiring.

[Fortune Feimster]

And if you have to wake up at 7:00am Whatever.

[May Martin]

Yeah. What?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, you're a loser.

[May Martin]

No, that's the thing about all this like self care advice and like Instagram things is like if you're then feeling shame when you don't do it, then that's not worth it. Like some days you got to stay in bed, some days you got to jerk off, have a cigarette and eat a grilled cheese with one hand and.

[Fortune Feimster]

Smoking a cig with the other and.

[May Martin]

Eating the grilled cheese with your toes. Well.

[Tig Notaro]

Any other book recommendations?

[Fortune Feimster]

I haven't read a book in a minute.

[May Martin]

Do you do audiobooks ever?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't, no. I downloaded Viola Davis's biography. That is in my queue because I finally got a. After 20, 20 years in LA, I finally got a library card.

[May Martin]

Oh.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. So my plan is to try to read, but I like biographies. I like learning about people's history and stories and so my first cue is. Yeah, Viola Davis's book.

[May Martin]

Do you have any books that you reread more than once like that? Like, I really like this book, 1927 about by Bill Bryson. That's just about everything that happened in America in that year I've read. I just, I've read it multiple times just because it's really. It's got a lot of facts.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Soothing.

[Tig Notaro]

You love a fact.

[May Martin]

Love a fact.

[Fortune Feimster]

I can't read a book twice and I rarely watch a movie twice. I like one and done.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I'm kind of similar, but as A kid. I was really obsessed with the whole Sid and Nancy situation.

[May Martin]

Oh, no way. You're, like, electrified by their bond.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, no, I.

[Fortune Feimster]

You mean Sid Vicious.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen.

[May Martin]

I've never known her last name. Isn't that awful? Spunchin'what.

[Fortune Feimster]

Was the hotel name of that hotel?

[Tig Notaro]

God, I'm forgetting. I guess I'm. I guess I've lost my obsession, but may, I think you would really like this book.

[May Martin]

I'm gonna write it down as well.

[Tig Notaro]

It's called and I don't want to Live this Life.

[May Martin]

Okay. Amazing.

[Tig Notaro]

I read that three times as a kid.

[May Martin]

Really?

[Tig Notaro]

It is written by Nancy's mother.

[Fortune Feimster]

Whoa. The Hotel Chelsea. Yeah.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Hotel Chelsea.

[May Martin]

And you were, like, 8 years old reading this?

[Tig Notaro]

No, I was. I was a teenager.

[May Martin]

Okay, I'm gonna read it.

[Tig Notaro]

But it's. It's called and I don't want to Live this Life, which is a line that Sid wrote in his letter after Nancy died. But the book is about Nancy's childhood.

[May Martin]

Oh, wow.

[Tig Notaro]

And it is something.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wow.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah. It is a really good book.

[May Martin]

I'm buying rap gifts for the crew and everything on the show. And I just bought some of the Bob Dylan Chronicles. It's autobiography that Dylan wrote. That's pretty amazing, too, because he just paints a whole picture of New York at time.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah. Get them all. The 5am Club, too.

[May Martin]

I'm going to. Yeah, I'm going to.

[Fortune Feimster]

Now that we're rapping.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do this get up at 5:00am yeah. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, should we move on to our question for today?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes, please.

[Tig Notaro]

Today's questioner is an actress and singer who is nominated for a Tony Award for her role in Dreamgirls on Broadway. She starred in the hit show One Mississippi and won an Emmy for playing Barbara Howard on Abbott Elementary. Cheryl Lee Ralph is asking today's question.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Cheryl Lee Ralph]

Hey, handsome pod, here's a question for you. Do you think that when people tell you, oh, you're just too much or you're this or you're that, you should just let it slide? Hmm.

[Fortune Feimster]

I love her voice. Cheryl's voice is so smooth.

[May Martin]

Amazing voice. But wait, what was the question? Do you think that when people tell.

[Tig Notaro]

You that, like, do you just let it slide?

[May Martin]

Oh, do you let it slide or do you go.

[Tig Notaro]

Should you just let it slide? Or do you, like, say something back to them? Or, you know, do you defend your personality? Or, you know, is what I'm getting.

[May Martin]

I cheerfully defend.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you get told you're you're too much or you're A lot.

[May Martin]

Only in romantic dynamics. Occasionally when I've dated, like, sort of more avoidant people and I get anxious. But, no, I think I heard someone the other day. You can't say the wrong thing to the right person.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah.

[May Martin]

And so you kind of want people in here. Did you? Was that you? Yeah. Yeah, I think it was. I think it was.

[Tig Notaro]

I do, too.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I think I like that a lot, though. It's like. Yeah. If someone's like, you're too much, it's like, all right, well, then I'm not for you.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you feel that way? Do you feel like, oh, well. Or are you like, oh, gosh, no.

[May Martin]

I'm a deep people pleaser. I'm ready to change my whole personality.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, don't do that. No.

[May Martin]

I'm trying to evolve, though. But, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

What about you? I can't imagine you being told you're too much. Tick.

[Fortune Feimster]

I get. I get told it all the time.

[Tig Notaro]

You're too much.

[Fortune Feimster]

The silliness, really?

[Tig Notaro]

By who?

[Fortune Feimster]

But, like, in a fun. It's rarely, like, in a negative way.

[Tig Notaro]

It's just like, you're, like, who, like, is Jax. Like, come on.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, every now and then, but she. She gets me, you know, she knows this is my ridiculous personality. I mean, more people just kind of shaking their head.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But it's rarely in a, like, you should change way. It's just like you're. You are too much.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah.

[May Martin]

I kind of thing, like, more affectionate.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Like that. Like, they kind of understand that's how I am, but.

[May Martin]

Right.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I feel like I can find the balance with, like, silliness and also being a normal human who understands life and idiosyncrasies and nuances.

[May Martin]

Yeah. You're not like, on all the time.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. I mean, I have no problem sitting in a corner not talking for two hours.

[Tig Notaro]

Same.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Especially at a party.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I'm like, give me a slider or a piece of cheese and some snacks and put me in a corner and some snacks.

[May Martin]

I was watching Love is Blind, that reality show where they don't see each other, they talk through a wall, they fall in love, and then they meet and they have to go on, like, honeymoon and then get married in that order.

[Tig Notaro]

We're what? They don't see each other.

[May Martin]

They don't see each other, and they talk for, like, three weeks, and they date different people with the wall.

[Tig Notaro]

I have heard of this show, and I truly thought it was blind people hooking up.

[Fortune Feimster]

No, I did.

[May Martin]

You thought Love is. I See why you thought that.

[Tig Notaro]

I did. I thought that it was blind people that were. That you were watching Connect. How Interesting couple.

[May Martin]

Who. They seem so well matched. Like, they. Through the wall, they're. But also people are insane because it's like they have three dates. They're like, I've never felt this way before. You're everything I've been. But they're, like, so happy. They're like, we're. We're doing this. They get engaged, they meet, they're attracted to each other. I'm like, oh, this could actually work. And then they're on the kind of filmed vacation in Cabo that's meant to test the relationship. And the guy just keeps going where he. She's like, I can't wait to meet your dog. And he goes, that's my dog. And she's like, stop. Stop saying that. That's so annoying. And he's like, what do you mean? And then he's like, that's my dog. And he keeps saying, that's my dog. And she's like, if you say that.

[Tig Notaro]

But why is he saying that?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't know.

[May Martin]

He's, like, being silly, I guess. And he's like, my dog. And he keeps going like, ruff, ruff. And she. But it's not that annoying. And he doesn't. But for some reason, she sees red and she's talking to her friend. She's like, he keeps saying, that's my dog. Like, she just hates that he says that.

[Fortune Feimster]

If she's annoyed by that now, that's only gonna get, like, five times worse.

[May Martin]

Right? But he's like, well, if you can't accept me saying, that's my dog.

[Fortune Feimster]

Saying, that's my dog. We're not meant to be together.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, but we are meant to be together. I met you behind that wall three weeks ago. Three weeks ago. And now we're on a televised vacation.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, that and that. Like, married at first sight. All those. I mean, although I know they're, like, very entertaining, but that just seems so crazy to just, like, meet someone and all of a sudden you're getting married.

[May Martin]

I know. It seems very non specific. It's like they've decided, like, I'm ready. I'm ready for the one. And it kind of doesn't matter who it is, as long as they're also ready for the one, you know?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Should we start doing this podcast through a wall? All of a sudden we're all like, God, I've never felt this way about.

[Tig Notaro]

You kind of are with zoom.

[May Martin]

Oh, I can't wait to be back in the same room as you guys.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know. We're gonna go in that headgum studio at some point when. When all of us are not filming in Toronto.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that'll be fun.

[Fortune Feimster]

Did you ever answer if you're too. People tell you you're too much Tig?

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like I've certainly heard that. Really? Yeah. But I. I think that I heard it more when I was younger. Yeah, for sure. I think that I'm kind of the classic case of once I became a comedian and I could get it out of my system, I've for the most part gotten it out of my system. And so now I can just show up to life and be a normal, functioning, I think, fairly decent person in the world that does little bits and pranks here and there. But I'm not like, leading with, I'm funny, I'm crazy, I'm weird. I'm gonna take this risk, you know, and. Or I'm gonna annoy you until the end of time. I think that I had definitely those elements to my personality that were not terribly fun or attractive or easy to be around and then mellowed. Yeah. And also I'm 53 and it's like, yeah, but I don't know. I don't really hear it. I don't hear it now. The holidays can create even more waste than usual. Each year, Americans throw away 25% more trash from Thanksgiving to New Year's. What if we told you there was a way to get all your holiday shopping done without the guilty feeling over the waste that typically quickly comes with it all?

[May Martin]

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[Tig Notaro]

Use the most to take advantage of their best sale of the year. For up to 30% off your entire order, go to blueland.comhandsome you won't want to miss this. Blueland.comhandsome that's blueland.com handsome hello, ladies and.

[May Martin]

Germs, boys and girls, and everybody in between, the Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast. After last year, he's learned a thing or two about hosting, and he's ready to rant against Christmas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire.

[Tig Notaro]

You can listen with the whole family as guest stars like Jon Hamm, Brittany Broski, and Danny DeVito try to persuade the mean old Grinch that there's a lot to love about the insufferable holiday season. But that's not all. Somebody stole all the children of Whoville's letters to Santa, and everybody thinks the Grinch is responsible. It's a real Whoville whodunit. Can Cindy Lou and Max help clear the Grinch's name? Grab your hot cocoa and cozy slippers.

[May Martin]

To find out, follow Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast on the Wondry App or wherever you get your podcast. Yes. Unlock weekly Christmas mystery bonus content and listen to every episode ad free by joining Wondry plus in the Wondry app, Spotify or Apple Podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I guess when you are a comedian, it's like, that is sort of part of our job at times is to be a little too much.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

So, yeah. Rarely are people saying, can you. Can you take that down a couple notches, that thing you do for a living?

[Tig Notaro]

I actually had a really intense conversation with a childhood friend of mine recently. We reconnected and we had such an emo. We were so close, and she shared something that I had done that had hurt her feelings so deeply, like, many, many years ago. Many years ago. Yeah. I mean, we were like. It was one of those conversations where it was like, I love you so much and I've missed you and how are you? And I see, I've seen this and I've, you know, whatever.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And also in that conversation, she was like, you know, you did this thing that really, really hurt my feelings. And I was like, here I was, 53 years old, going, God, yeah, that is so hurtful and lame that I did. And I went into the conversation of, I think I didn't know how to use my superpower, you know, of comedy. I didn't know how to use it correctly, and I'm so sorry I did that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Also, the happier you get, the less you.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, yeah.

[May Martin]

That's so meaningful that she brought it up, because I feel like people who want to have tough conversations, it means that they want to have you in their life moving forward, because if they didn't care. They wouldn't bring it up.

[Tig Notaro]

This was a real out of the blue, curveball, connecting conversation. And it like really made me think about. And her too. I think we both were like, God, we were so close and we shared so much. And we also hurt each other feelings so much as kids.

[May Martin]

You know, friendships are so intense and codependent. At that age, though, you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

Are you going to keep hanging out? Keep talking?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I mean, she lives on the east coast and. But yeah, I mean, and we've, we've always maintained a friendship. We've always reached out and I think, you know what I think I talked about, I know I did. I talked about her on this podcast where I said that. But her, I had felt bad because her stepfather was dying and she was.

[May Martin]

Wondering if this was the same friend.

[Tig Notaro]

And I have to clarify, I went because after my conversation with her, I just wanted to review my texts and my emails with her and just where our friendship had been over the years. And I just kind of did a deep dive on our history. And I was so relieved to learn that it wasn't when her stepfather was dying, it was when her stepfather's pet was dying that she wanted me to.

[Fortune Feimster]

That is very different.

[May Martin]

It's so different.

[Tig Notaro]

It was different.

[Fortune Feimster]

Pretty far removed.

[Tig Notaro]

It was. But over time I had made it in my head that it was when he was dying that I told her I actually couldn't really be there because I was going through something.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And when I saw that it was her, his pet, which of course, course can be. It is so devastating, so deeply devastating. And I do not take any power away from that or emotion or whatever. But.

[May Martin]

But it's a different.

[Fortune Feimster]

It is a very different thing.

[Tig Notaro]

It's definitely a different vibe, but that's who it is. It's that same, that same friend.

[May Martin]

But that wasn't the thing that she was airing the grievance about.

[Tig Notaro]

No, no, no. It was, it was, it was something like I said, where I was being too much.

[May Martin]

I was a rubber chicken at her.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. I was like being an annoying 14 year old and I pushed something too far and hurt her feelings and, and I totally get it and see it. And I felt, I felt bad, but I also felt forgiving of myself because.

[Fortune Feimster]

Who wasn't a turd.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, I know, I know. But it's still, you know, wouldn't it be a. I don't know. I was going to say, wouldn't it be a dream if you had like a perfect record in Life. But then also, if you had a perfect record in life, you'd probably be the most boring.

[May Martin]

You'd be so dull.

[Tig Notaro]

So dull. But, yeah, I did. I so appreciated that conversation. I felt so thankful for that. Hard, uncomfortable. We were crying. We were laughing. It was just really good.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, you were digging deep, my friend.

[Tig Notaro]

Digging deep.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

I had a friend the other day who's one of my oldest friends. Go. Remember on my birthday when you lied and told everyone that your parents had decorated the basement for my birthday just because you wanted everyone to go to your house instead of mine? I have no memory of this, but when she said it, of course I was like, oh, we were 13, and there was, like, a group of cool boys that we were hanging out with, and everyone was going, oh, we'll go to Nicole's house and watch the movie Kids or something. And my Bossy Mae brain, I was just like, I don't want to watch that movie. I want to be at my house.

[Fortune Feimster]

And.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

And I wanted the boys at my house. And I went, no, I can't say why, Nicole, but you've got to come to my house because it's my parents. For your birthday, they did something special. It's a surprise. And she just described, like, walking in and looking around and being like, what the. And I just glossed over it. I was like, anyway, what do you guys want to do?

[Fortune Feimster]

So seven minutes in heaven.

[May Martin]

Yeah. Terrible.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, wow, that's funny. I mean, God, we've all done such dumbass stuff back in the day.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

My friend Leslie, she. I love this lie that she told to make friends. Maybe I've shared this on here, but she told everybody that her grandmother owned a bunny farm.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah. I do remember such a kid lie.

[Tig Notaro]

It's like, that's the way she's gonna get friends. It's like, oh, my gosh. Leslie's grandmother has a bunny farm. Whatever it takes.

[May Martin]

Should we hear Cheryl's answer?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[Cheryl Lee Ralph]

Okay. My answer is, heck, no. If they tell you you are just too much, then you tell them, go find less. If they tell you you think you're all that, just know. They're saying to themselves, they know they could never be all of what you are. Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Cheryl Lee Ralph]

Let them go find what they need, because obviously you are not the one. And sometimes that is a very good thing. But that. That's just me. So let me stop.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. I love it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Go find Les. I love her.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. She's so, like, magnetic.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

She is so inspiring. And I can't remember Stephanie told me that she had posted something on Instagram, and I'm sure I'm not quoting it right, because I'm sure Stephanie didn't quote it right, but she was talking about all the old boomers having a problem with, you know, pronouns.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And she was just, like, letting them have it.

[May Martin]

I think I saw this just being like, get over it.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah. Get a real problem.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But I don't know. Yeah. When she. She did such a phenomenal job on one Mississippi.

[Fortune Feimster]

She was amazing.

[Tig Notaro]

She did a phenomenal job on that show.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

And then to see her just explode and get all the recognition and attention for. I mean, her talent is. It's remarkable. And she's just such a great person.

[Fortune Feimster]

She won, like, an Emmy or Golden Globe, I can't remember. And gave, like, an unbelievable speech. You're just like, she's someone that you just want to listen to.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Give me your wisdom. You're so amazing.

[May Martin]

If she doesn't have a book, she should. But I would. I would read that book.

[Tig Notaro]

I was out to breakfast, and this guy came up to me and introduced himself, saying he was Cheryl Lee Ralph's son. And I tell her, I'm like, you. Well, I don't know what you did as a mother, but you had the perfect child. This guy was so. I was. I was like, of course you are Cheryl Lee's son, you know?

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

He was just so handsome. He was so contained and pulled together and confident and comfortable with himself and.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Tig Notaro]

So smooth and a delight. I think about him all the time. And every time I told her when I saw her last, I was like, every time I go into that restaurant expecting to see your son. But she said something like, of course. That is. It's just the best as a parent to hear that, you know? And I remember feeling like, I hope that's how people feel when they meet my kids now and for the rest of time.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's high praise.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, you guys are actually in luck, because Cheryl submitted five different questions, and since it is Thanksgiving week, we thought we could have a little feast of question and answers, rapid fire style here at the end of this episode.

[May Martin]

Yes, please.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. We're feeling very giving on this Thanksgiving week. So is Cheryl.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thanksgiving is a special time.

[Tig Notaro]

Go on.

[Fortune Feimster]

Jimmy Walker used to say, don. Oh, my.

[Tig Notaro]

That's right.

[Fortune Feimster]

Adam Sandler.

[Cheryl Lee Ralph]

All right, now here's another question. Which part of your body do you love best?

[May Martin]

I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Mine. Oh, okay.

[Tig Notaro]

May.

[May Martin]

It's my. It's the only. Well, yeah, My Hands. I like my hands. Oh, yeah, right, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

How do you use those hands? What are you, torture hands, man?

[Tig Notaro]

Where have those hands?

[May Martin]

You know, to eat a grilled cheese, have a cigarette and drink. You like your legs, right? Fortune, I do.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thank you for knowing me so well. My gams would be.

[May Martin]

Yeah, your gams.

[Fortune Feimster]

My numero uno, my friend. They've always been, like, crazy strong. But it's not like I'm in there doing leg lifts. I think it's just part of my. Part of my body.

[Tig Notaro]

It's what the good Lord gave you.

[May Martin]

What about you, Tay?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, you know, as I age, I'm losing it a bit, but I get compliments on my jawline.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah, Great jawline.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, thank you. But I think just on a very surfacey level, I'm like. Well, I get attention from my jawline, so I like that.

[May Martin]

Yeah. I wonder if I. If it's just the right person compliments you on one thing at the right time, and you're like, oh, yeah, that's probably what happened with my hands.

[Tig Notaro]

Probably.

[May Martin]

My mom said I had nice hands and I was like, five.

[Tig Notaro]

You know who has really nice hands?

[May Martin]

Who?

[Tig Notaro]

Paul F. Tompkins.

[May Martin]

I'm gonna have a look next time I see him.

[Tig Notaro]

Next time you see Paul F. Tompkins. Those are the best looking hands I've ever seen in my life.

[May Martin]

I'm gonna go high five and then. And then interlace my fingers quickly.

[Fortune Feimster]

Don't hurt them, but don't ever kiss them.

[May Martin]

Yeah, okay. Is there another one? Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cheryl answered this one. Oh. Let's hear what Cheryl answer is.

[Cheryl Lee Ralph]

And my answer is. I love my waist. I love my waist because even when I gain weight, proportionately it stays small. So I love my waist, but I also love my lips because when I was young, they used to make fun of my lips. They used to call me liver lips and all kind of bad things. But now I look at my mouth and it's like, oh, it's so in fashion. Everybody wants to take lips.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, that's amazing.

[Tig Notaro]

I have lucky lips.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't have no lip lips either.

[Tig Notaro]

No. Like when I smile. Somebody pointed this out to me years ago that when I smile, my. What I do have disappears.

[Fortune Feimster]

The upper lip goes inward.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, Yeah. I have no lips.

[Fortune Feimster]

My wife does not do that. So God bless her. That is. I'm good for her.

[Tig Notaro]

God has blessed her.

[Fortune Feimster]

God has blessed Cheryl and Dean.

[Cheryl Lee Ralph]

Hey, handsome pod. It's me, Cheryl Lee. Still here. Tell me something about yourself that would actually blow my mind.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, I would love to Blow Cheryl's mind.

[May Martin]

That would actually.

[Fortune Feimster]

Man, this is a tough one.

[May Martin]

That is really tough.

[Tig Notaro]

She's good at asking questions, and we've.

[May Martin]

Mined the depths on this pod. So I've. I'm trying to think what would blow her mind specifically.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay. Maybe this would blow her mind.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

Up until about. And you have to understand, I basically was born smoking a cigarette and acting like the Fonz. Okay. All right. Up until about sixth grade, I wore the frilliest underwear. Like, lacy, frilly underwear.

[May Martin]

Wait, We've talked so much about ponties.

[Fortune Feimster]

I never brought up your frilly ponies.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah. So like, my mother, my grandmother got me this underwear. And it's just what I was used to wearing.

[May Martin]

You just thought everyone wears.

[Tig Notaro]

I didn't even think about it. I didn't even think about it. And so that was the underwear I wore.

[May Martin]

I love that.

[Tig Notaro]

And continued to be gifted and. Or given. And so I wore that. And I remember when I was in, like, sixth grade and I'm walking around smoking cigarettes in frilly, lacy underwear. Nobody knows that.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's wild.

[May Martin]

And you're wearing like a T shirt and jeans.

[Tig Notaro]

T shirt and jeans. And just like the underwear essentially looked like I was wearing a bonnet.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Like that. That is what the underwear looked like. And so I remember when I was in sixth grade, my mother got me new underwear that was not like my lacy bonnet underwear. And I asked her to get me the lacy underwear, and she said, sweetie, they don't make it for this age.

[May Martin]

Oh, my go.

[Fortune Feimster]

That is so funny.

[May Martin]

I know what I'm getting you for Christmas.

[Tig Notaro]

So now I had to just move on to just. I just use very nude looking regular ponties. Regular female looking ponties. But.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. So just wanted to blow everyone's mind. Especially if you knew me.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Up until sixth grade, under that whole I'm too cool facade was the most lacy, frilly underwear. Like, there was lace and frilly across my. My backside.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. My mom used to sell those kind of frilly ponies.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, we probably bought them.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. She had a little. A little shop. And they had those ponties and the. I know exactly the frills you're talking about around the like.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

And she. But she even had ones that were like painted, like hand painted. Mine were just white bunnies or whatever on them.

[Tig Notaro]

No bunnies for me.

[Fortune Feimster]

That was a good one, Tig.

[Tig Notaro]

Thank you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Here to blow minds. Like, that's why we're here. We're here to share stories, reveal ourselves. I don't know who's next.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't have one. That's gonna blow minds. Like, the only thing that's coming to my head is that. That seems kind of odd. Is that when I was in college, I studied the Mayan ruins for a month in Mexico. I've already shared that, I think. Oh, I did. God.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't have many blowing mind things about myself. I just thought that was so random that.

[Tig Notaro]

What about. Is there anybody that.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah, my mom sold ponties that's going to blow your mind?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I was going to say, is there anybody that you've been attracted to that like, surprised you?

[Fortune Feimster]

I talked about that. James Gandolfini.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, yeah.

[May Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

When he. He hugged you and you were like.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I was like, am I straight? Am I have the hots for James Gandolfini? I. I was laughing.

[Tig Notaro]

I. I was. This is so. I. I don't know if I'm gonna share this.

[May Martin]

Yeah, you have to.

[Tig Notaro]

Now I know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, God. What is happening?

[Tig Notaro]

Of a. Of a man that I was like, I don't know why I find him sexy.

[May Martin]

This is recently.

[Tig Notaro]

No, this is years ago. In fact, my ex girlfriend about threw up.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

She was like, I cannot believe you think this guy is sexy. And I'm just going to say it quickly and then we need to move on.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, well, rapid fire. Anyway.

[Tig Notaro]

Pit bull summary.

[May Martin]

No, I get it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Do you? Yeah, I get it, Mr. Worldwide.

[May Martin]

I get it.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't even know what that means, but two against one here. Why do you get it? Explain to me why I think he's sexy.

[Fortune Feimster]

The bald guy that sings Dalle.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't know why I'm so baffled. I think I'm blushing.

[Fortune Feimster]

You don't know that his nickname is Mr. Worldwide?

[Tig Notaro]

No, I'm not. I'm not. Like, I don't follow his style. I like, saw him and I was like, God, is this guy sexy?

[May Martin]

I think it's.

[Tig Notaro]

It's the pretty little ladies. Anyway, I appreciate it, man. I appreciate that you spoke. What's more shock. Put that picture down, go to YouTube. What's more shocking, that I wore lacy ponties or that I thought pit bull?

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, he does. All right, May. Next we got. We're rapid fire. We're not doing it.

[May Martin]

I think I would try to blow her mind by naming all the 197 countries of the world and she'd get bored halfway through.

[Tig Notaro]

But you can do it.

[May Martin]

I can do it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, let's hear Cheryl's answer real quick. Rapid fire.

[Cheryl Lee Ralph]

And my Answer is, I used to play first violin in the orchestra. Oh, yeah, I remember. It was junior high school and high school. First violin. Mr. Martindale led the orchestra. I was so good at the violin.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my gosh.

[Cheryl Lee Ralph]

Can I play it now? Hell no. But that was good.

[Fortune Feimster]

There you go. Yeah, it was.

[Tig Notaro]

I shared too much. I shared too much. I did. I shared.

[Fortune Feimster]

You did not. This is a sharing podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

You know what? I'll be honest. I want Pitbull to see me in lacy underwear.

[Fortune Feimster]

Darlet.

[May Martin]

Oh, my God. It's perfect. It's perfect.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's a worldwide.

[Cheryl Lee Ralph]

Okay. And here's another question. Toilet paper. Are you an over the top, top or under the bottom person? And I mean people, they're very passionate about this. What are you?

[Tig Notaro]

It's over the top. Over the top for me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Over the top. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[May Martin]

I truly could not care less or ever notice it. But I. I appreciate that people.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God.

[Fortune Feimster]

I fix it. If it's not like you do.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Take it off thing and turn it disgusting.

[Tig Notaro]

If it's going the other way, you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Can be reaching under for. It's got. When it's over the top, it lays just right.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, but it's still.

[May Martin]

Either way. It's touching the wall.

[Fortune Feimster]

Either way, you're. No, you're wiping your butthole. Its purpose is very important.

[May Martin]

I. I want to get on board.

[Fortune Feimster]

I mean, that's all right. Two against one.

[May Martin]

Two against one.

[Fortune Feimster]

A bit more.

[May Martin]

Cheryl's going to be on your side.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, for sure. She's a bright woman.

[Cheryl Lee Ralph]

My answer is I'm an over the top.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, you are.

[Cheryl Lee Ralph]

I just want, when I do like that, that that toilet paper just comes right down. I don't want to have to search or reach. I want to know that it is right there.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Fortune Feimster]

But yeah, under the. Under the thing. It always gets stuck. If it's not over the top and it's under, you're always having to reach up for it.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. It's interesting that, you know at the end here, Cheryl Lee, Ralph says she's an over the top person for toilet paper and personality.

[Fortune Feimster]

Right. And if you don't like it, do less.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Find someone who wants less.

[Fortune Feimster]

Less.

[May Martin]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

We want more, baby.

[May Martin]

I think I'm gonna steal that. If you don't like it. If you think I'm too much, find less. I love that.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Yeah. Stealing.

[May Martin]

Well, that was a lovely episode, you guys.

[Tig Notaro]

Really was. I love so many great questions, Ralph.

[May Martin]

Me too.

[Fortune Feimster]

She's amazing.

[May Martin]

I'm going to be at Largo in LA on December 4th. If you're around, come see me. There's going to be special guests, there's going to be music, a festive vibe. Other than that, what are you guys up to?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm just always doing shows at Comedy Bar in Toronto through February. Go to tignotaro.com for alt tickets and all my information. I don't. I have nothing going on other than podcasting, filming Star Trek and working on my new material, which I guess is quite a lot. Yeah, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

My tour for next year is on sale. I'm coming to some fun cities. So go to FortuneFEepster.com for those tickets and get ready because next week, December 3rd, my special crushing it will premiere on Netflix and I would love for you guys to watch it. Also, don't forget to get your merch. Your Handsome Pod merch. Lots of fun things up there. Handsomepod.com for that. And check in on Black Friday because we've never. We haven't really done this. There might be a special surprise on our site for you guys in honor of Black Friday.

[May Martin]

I know me and Tig have no idea what it is.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm excited. I'll have to go check it out.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's very rare for us. We don't do it very often and we wanted to do this for our handsome listeners.

[Tig Notaro]

And two of the three hosts didn't even know we were doing it for the listeners.

[Fortune Feimster]

That's what a big surprise it is. So on Black Friday, check out handsomepod.com you'll be very happy you did.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And until next time, you should keep not. No. Nope. You should subscribe, rate and review. Go to our YouTube channel and keep it Handsome.

[Fortune Feimster]

Happy Thanksgiving.

[May Martin]

Have Happy Thanksgiving Holiday Handsome is hosted by Me, May Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willette. Email [e-mail] and please follow us on social media at Handsome Pod.

[Fortune Feimster]

What a podcast.

[May Martin]

What a podcast.

[Fortune Feimster]

That was a headgum podcast.

[Tig Notaro]

Handsome's the audio version of my comedy special hello Again is available everywhere. Just in time for the holidays. Go to tigotaro.com to get a copy for you and a loved one.

[May Martin]

Now some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

[Fortune Feimster]

Like you know how to pack plenty of ponties before going out on the town for Thanksgiving weekend.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the US Only. Savings vary. Terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliate, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Fortune Feimster]

With the five dollar meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble, or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink and a four piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not.

[Tig Notaro]

A lot of money. Price and participation may vary. For a limited time only.