Gretchen Rubin (co-host or alternate voice) (2:14)

How do we make a tough decision if we don't see our way forward? If we're weighing an apple against an.

Gretchen Rubin (2:20)

Orange, if the pros and cons feel.

Gretchen Rubin (co-host or alternate voice) (2:22)

Equally balanced, how do we move forward?

Gretchen Rubin (2:25)

In my book Secrets of Adulthood, I.

Gretchen Rubin (co-host or alternate voice) (2:27)

List some of my suggestions for making hard decisions. For instance, one way to make a.

Gretchen Rubin (2:32)

Decision is to choose the bigger life.

Gretchen Rubin (co-host or alternate voice) (2:35)

When you weigh two options against each other, they may seem perfectly balanced.

Gretchen Rubin (2:40)

But when you say which option for me gives me the bigger life, one.

Gretchen Rubin (co-host or alternate voice) (2:46)

Option often seems to jump out. For instance, should I get a dog?

Gretchen Rubin (2:51)

Choose the bigger life.

Gretchen Rubin (co-host or alternate voice) (2:53)

Another way is to make the decision that allows you to step into the future.

Gretchen Rubin (2:57)

My sister Elizabeth, who works in Hollywood.

Gretchen Rubin (co-host or alternate voice) (2:59)

Often reminds herself to step into the future.

Gretchen Rubin (3:02)

For instance, she and her writing partner, Sarah Fane, recently started a substack newsletter, Happier in Hollywood, as a way to embrace the future. Another way to help make a decision is to ask yourself, am I setting up a false choice? Can I avoid choosing at all? Can I choose both options or neither option? I remember an email from a listener who wrote, I want to be healthier.

Gretchen Rubin (co-host or alternate voice) (3:25)

But now I have to decide whether I want to continue to have a.

Gretchen Rubin (3:28)

Fun, active life with my friends or.

Gretchen Rubin (co-host or alternate voice) (3:30)

Stay home eating lettuce. To me, that sure sounds like a false choice. Recently, something happened in my own life that reminded me of an additional secret of adulthood for making a tough decision. I'll tell you the story. One day I noticed that our dog, Barnaby, had a hard lump on his back. It didn't seem to bother him, but it was new and weird. So we made a vet appointment. But before long, Barnaby started behaving strangely. He didn't seem restless. He didn't bark. But every few minutes he'd give a little quiet whine or sigh. And he'd never done that before. I'm worried about Barnaby, I told my husband, Jamie. He's acting so oddly. We've never seen this. I'm worried that he's in pain. I don't know, jamie said. He seems pretty normal to me, I said. But how do we think he would behave if he were in pain? He's whimpering and whining every few minutes. That sure seems like it could be a sign of pain. Well, you call the emergency vet service, jamie said. If you do that, I'll take him in if they say we should. Okay, I said, relieved to take action. I called, left a message, and the vet called me back. What she said was extremely clarifying to me and a great example of one of my own secrets of adulthood. That's the challenge of secrets of adulthood. Even when I've learned the secret, I don't always realize how and when to apply it in my own life. Here's what she said. She listened to my description and replied over the phone. I can't know enough to tell you whether his condition is serious enough to mean that he needs to come in. But you're worried enough to call me, which makes me think that maybe he should come in. Her observation made my decision perfectly clear. One thing I know about myself is I'm not much of a worrier. I mean, sure, I worry about a lot of things, but compared to most people, I'm not quick to worry. I don't often think that Something is wrong with Barnaby. I don't jump to conclusions. I don't expect the worse. So the fact that I was worried, that was worrisome. Jamie, I said as I put down my phone, you need to take Barnaby in. And Jamie did take Barnaby to the emergency vet, and it was a very good thing he did. Barnaby returned home with stitches and bottles of antibiotics and painkillers. That incident illustrates a secret of adulthood for making decisions. So there's choose the bigger life, step into the future, and am I setting up a false choice? And the additional secret of adulthood that helps with making decisions is with some questions, the very inclination to consider the question suggests your answer. For instance, for these problems, the answer is probably yes. Am I a decent parent? Do I have a drinking problem? Am I carrying too much? Should I take two trips? Should I bring an umbrella? Should I finally get a dog? But for other questions, such as, are these ingredients healthy? Should I stay up late to watch one more episode? Should I hit send on this angry email? The answer is probably no. As the vet pointed out, the question of is this situation worrisome enough that you wonder whether you need professional help? Suggests that probably you do need help. Sometimes when you're facing a difficult question, the very act of asking the question gives you your answer. I'm Gretchen Rubin and I hope this makes your week a little happier.

Gretchen Rubin (7:03)

From the Onward Project.

Craig Robinson (7:08)

Hi Gretchen. Craig Robinson and my little sister Michelle here we host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. We know you're the queen of giving advice, so we wanted to get a few tips from you. You know, Gretchen, a lot of our listeners are going through some major life changes. What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of major life transitions?

Gretchen Rubin (7:34)

Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you. Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective. So consider questions like this. What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me? Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me? If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would I choose?

Gretchen Rubin (co-host or alternate voice) (8:08)

And here's a question.

Gretchen Rubin (8:09)

Would I like to have more time in solitude, restorative solitude, or. Or would I like to have more time with friends? You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier. With greater self knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values. In my own case, I have found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the more grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition. For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. Wherever you get podcasts, you can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships Keke Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents and so many more.