Bonus: Hacks to Make the Holidays Happier [Revisited]

Summary

Happier with Gretchen Rubin

Bonus: Hacks to Make the Holidays Happier [Revisited]

Date: November 30, 2025
Hosts: Gretchen Rubin & Elizabeth Craft

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Episode Overview

In this lively bonus episode, Gretchen Rubin and Elizabeth Craft revisit one of their most popular “holiday hacks” episodes, originally recorded eight years ago. The sisters swap practical, manageable strategies for making the holiday season happier, less stressful, more meaningful—and ultimately, more fun. They reflect on childhood memories, evolving (and letting go of) traditions, and offer a mix of concrete and philosophical advice to help listeners navigate holiday challenges. Throughout, the tone remains warm, honest, and gently humorous, with an emphasis on flexibility, self-knowledge, and love.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Declaring an Official Start to the Holidays

(03:11 – 05:06)

• Don’t Stress Too Early: Gretchen suggests choosing a specific date when you’ll begin holiday preparations. Until then, don’t “beat yourself up” for not starting.
  “I’m not going to worry about this until the day after Thanksgiving or December 10th or whatever it is for you, so that you don’t needlessly worry before you’re ready to start actually doing something.” — Gretchen (03:31)
• Savory Moments: Both sisters warn against letting holiday pleasures (like special drinks and music) creep in too soon and lose their magic.
  “If we start drinking the holiday blend now, by the time the holidays are actually here, it won’t feel fun and special.” — Elizabeth (04:24)

2. The Cookie Exchange Party Tradition

(05:07 – 07:15)

• Childhood Favorite: Elizabeth describes a magical cookie exchange party from their youth, where each guest brings cookies to trade.
• Easy for Hosts: Gretchen points out that, from a hosting perspective, this is “not a complicated party to pull off” since everyone brings something, and the main activity is built-in.
• Nostalgia Factor: The warmth and anticipation made the event a highlight—even for Gretchen, who didn’t attend!

3. Photographing Your Holiday Displays

(07:16 – 08:24)

• A Practical Hack from Mom: Take and store a photo of your holiday décor to easily recreate your favorite displays next year.
• Decision Fatigue Saver: Gretchen credits this routine with reducing stress:
  “It has saved me a lot of decision fatigue…just going to do this Christmas tree the way I’ve always done it.” — Gretchen (07:48)

4. Managing Holiday Spending

(08:31 – 09:37)

• Cash vs. Credit: The sisters highlight the importance of knowing your own impulse control style. For some, using cash helps curb spending; for others, credit cards offer better tracking. “Figure out which one works for you and then use that system as a way to control spending.” — Gretchen (09:34)

5. Avoiding Free Samples

(09:41 – 10:33)

• Mindless Consumption Trap: They remind listeners that free samples in stores are designed to spur purchases and cravings, not just holiday cheer. “Walk on by that free sample table.” — Gretchen (10:32)

6. Gift Lists & Family Preferences

(10:33 – 12:16)

• Make Lists & Take Photos: Don’t rely on memory—email yourself gift ideas or snap a photo for later.
• Gifting Styles: The Rubin-Craft family shares gift lists openly, prioritizing getting each other precisely what they want over surprise. “There isn’t that air of mystery. But for us, that really works well.” — Gretchen (11:43)

7. Establishing a Family Holiday Movie

(12:16 – 13:21)

• Simple, Meaningful Tradition: Pick a movie to watch together each year, building anticipation and shared experience.
• Creative Variations: Choices can be classic (“It’s a Wonderful Life”), nostalgic, or even ambitious (Gretchen’s friend’s family watches the entire “Lord of the Rings” trilogy every New Year’s Day!).

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Letting Go and Evolving Traditions

(17:24 – 22:26)

• Flexibility Required: Gretchen shares poignantly how getting married (to someone without Christmas tree traditions) and living in NYC forced her to let go of the big tree idea. Instead, she now uses tabletop trees. “Life became so much easier when I let go of the idea that Christmas wasn’t Christmas unless I had gone out to the corner in the snow and dragged home the six-foot Christmas tree.” — Gretchen (18:38)
• Changing Holidays as Kids Grow: As children leave home, some traditions (like annual Halloween photos) may fade or shift.
  • “I had a little moment…but again, I know I would have to hound and nag Eliza to get this picture. It would be like this huge thing. Just let go of it…Let it evolve.” — Gretchen (20:26)

Listener Challenge

• Call for Stories: The hosts warmly invite listeners to share how their traditions have changed or what traditions they’ve had to let go.

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Navigating Family Dynamics & Managing Holiday Conflict

(21:19 – 26:45)

• Anticipate Challenges and Set Boundaries: Gretchen urges listeners to think ahead about tricky situations, focusing on how they want to behave, rather than trying to control others. “You can’t control how other people are going to behave. But…knowing what I know about what the situation is likely to hold for me, how do I want to behave for myself?” — Gretchen (22:07)
• Safeguards and Strategies: Plan ahead (sit at the other end of the table, moderate alcohol, have an exit strategy for conflict). This applies to food, bedtime, and all temptations.
• Sensitive Topics: Avoid questions like “When will you have a baby?” or “When are you getting married?”
  • Substitute with: “What’s keeping you busy these days?” (Gretchen, 25:20)
• The ‘Yes, And’ of Conversation: Apply this improv principle to keep discussions positive and moving forward.
  “That doesn’t help us have a conversation. So please give me something to work with here.” — Gretchen (25:39)

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The Heart of the Holidays: Fill Your Heart with Love

(26:45 – 28:34)

• Gratitude as a Reframe: Reframe difficult feelings by focusing on what you love about family and traditions.
  “Try to get yourself into that place where you can think about all the reasons you have for loving the people and traditions around you.” — Gretchen (26:46)
• Tolerating Quirks and Stress: Remember your gratitude during irritating moments—it fosters patience and understanding.
• Splendid Truths of Happiness:
  • “One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.” — Gretchen (28:34)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Don’t beat yourself up…until a certain part.” — Gretchen (03:31)
• “If we start drinking the holiday blend now, by the time the holidays are actually here, it won’t feel fun…” — Elizabeth (04:24)
• “It was always like, ‘What kind of cookies should we make?’ and wanting to make a cookie that looked really delicious to other people…” — Gretchen (05:55)
• “Take a photograph of it, print it out, and store it in the box with your holiday decorations…” — Gretchen (07:18)
• “Know yourself better.” — Elizabeth (09:37)
• “This goes to the thing where it’s like, life evolves, things change…just to do it sort of sucks all the life energy out of the tradition itself.” — Elizabeth (19:02)
• “Let it evolve. Life is evolving. Life is changing. We need to change the tradition, too.” — Gretchen (20:33)
• “How do I want to behave for myself?” — Gretchen (22:07)
• “What’s keeping you busy these days?” — Gretchen (25:20)
• “One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.” — Gretchen (28:34)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:11 — How and when to "start" the holidays
• 05:07 — Cookie exchange party tradition
• 07:16 — Photographing your décor for next year
• 08:31 — Managing holiday spending: cash vs. card
• 09:41 — Why to avoid free samples
• 10:33 — Making gift lists and gift-giving logistics
• 12:16 — Establishing a family holiday movie tradition
• 17:24 — Evolving and letting go of treasured traditions
• 21:19 — Dealing with family dynamics and potential conflicts
• 24:28 — Navigating tricky conversation topics
• 26:45 — The power of gratitude and reframing during holiday stress

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Tone & Style

Gretchen and Elizabeth’s tone is sisterly, encouraging, practical, and warm—with a blend of humor and candor. They admit to their imperfections, reminisce, and emphasize that there’s no one right way to “do” the holidays. Above all, they advocate for self-awareness, gentle boundaries, and focusing on love amidst the stresses.

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Listener Invitation

The sisters repeatedly encourage listeners to send in their own hacks, stories of evolving traditions, and suggestions for making the holidays brighter for themselves and others.

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Closing Wisdom

“Let your traditions reflect your life as it really is, not as you wish it could be. Fill your heart with love—and, whenever possible, focus on the happiness and gratitude at the center of every gathering.”

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This engaging holiday hack smorgasbord offers both practical tips and heartfelt perspective for making the season less stressful, more meaningful, and—true to the podcast’s mission—a little bit happier.

Transcript

[Elizabeth Craft]

Elizabeth, you know I love this time of year, but one thing I do not love is how short the days are. I feel like I'm always trying to cram so many things into a limited number of daylight hours. But one thing that's helping me really stay on top of my routine during this busy time is the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus. Powered by Peloton iq, the Peloton Cross Training Tread plus is Peloton's most elevated equipment yet. With features that help you plan, stay motivated and achieve peak performance. You can let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push and go while Peloton handles the rest.

[Podcast Announcer]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

This year I am hosting Thanksgiving for the second time. Huge bucket list for me. And one of the things that makes it easier to prepare for any kind of big gathering, whether it's Thanksgiving or friendsgiving or any kind of celebration, is.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Knowing that you can go to one.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Place that you know you're going to get high standards and and good prices. And this is why I love going to Whole Foods Market. I can look for the 365 brand.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I know that I'm gonna get everything that I need and want for.

[Elizabeth Craft]

A good price with the quality that I can count on.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah, they have everything from low price quality turkey to pantry essentials. And Gretchen, I have to add frozen appetizers which are perfect for someone like me who is not a great cook. I love to get the Quiche Trio, their butterfly shrimp and breaded calama. It's all so easy to prepare and so delicious. Enjoy. So many ways to save on your Thanksgiving spread at Whole Foods Market Lemonade.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Hello, welcome to a bonus episode of the Happier Podcast. Today we're listening back on an episode from eight years ago. Elizabeth reveals one of her favorite holiday memories and we share a ton of useful hacks for making holidays happier. And we also talk about how to decide when and how to keep a tradition. Evolve a tradition. Obviously this is something that I've been thinking A lot about now that I'm in the open door or empty nest phase of life, how do traditions keep up with the changes in our season of life? Here is the episode. We hope you enjoy it.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So listen, let's jump into our happier holiday hacks. We decided we were just going to do a hack marathon as the holidays approach. And the first one, I think is very helpful, which is to declare an official start to the holiday season. And this has part one and part two. Part one is don't start beating yourself up about the fact that you haven't done your holiday shopping or that you haven't gotten your house organized or whatever until a certain part. We talked many episodes ago about scheduling time to worry, setting aside time to worry. And this is like, okay, I'm not going to worry about this until the day after Thanksgiving or December 10th or whatever it is for you so that you don't needlessly worry before you're ready to start actually doing something about it.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, because you could start worrying about Christmas before Halloween. I mean, stores are start pushing Christmas so early now that it would be very easy to start freaking out well before it's necessary.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Exactly. Exactly. And part two of this is also declare a start for the holiday season, for the pleasures. So, you know, don't anticipate all the fun things that make the holiday season special by letting them bleed too early into the fall.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, Gretchen, Like a few weeks ago, Adam and I were at the store and I saw that they had the holiday blend, the Starbucks holiday blend for sale. And I was like, ooh, should we get the holiday blend? And he was like, too soon. And I'm like, okay, he's right. If we start drinking the holiday blend now, by the time the holidays are actually here, it won't feel fun and.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Special and kind of along the same lines. I have a friend who really loves holiday music, but she won't let herself start listening to holiday music until December 1st because otherwise, she says, it's just not fun. It needs to make the holiday season feel special. And so you have to kind of keep it in that holiday period.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, I do that with holiday music also, although I'll start the day after Thanksgiving is my official start to the holiday season.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh, that's good.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So, Gretchen, our next happier holiday hack comes from my childhood. This was something a girl in my class and Rippy did every year, which was have a holiday cookie party. It's actually a cookie exchange party. So the idea is she would invite all the girls in our class and their Mothers to come and bring, I think it was maybe two dozen cookies. So everyone would bake their favorite cookie, whether it was like an M M cookie or, you know, brownies or whatever it was. And then we would come and we would put all of our cookies on her big dining room table. And then everyone would get a plate, and you would go around and you would get one of every kind of cookie that everyone brought. So you brought two dozen cookies, and you left with two dozen cookies.

And I remember, I mean, as your.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Older sister, I was kind of aware that this was this tradition that you did and you and mom would do it. And the fact is, it was so fun because it was always like this. Like, what kind of cookies should we make? And wanting to make a cookie that looked really delicious to other people. And then when you came home, you'd have this whole array of all these different kind of cookies.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And even you and I would look.

[Gretchen Rubin]

At them and be like, ooh, taste this one. Or, let's split this one. It was really, really festive. And I think, as I remember, it was really nice. The mothers would get together and the girls were there, and you would all get sort of dressed up. It was really set the tone for the holiday season. It was this thing that everybody looked forward to. I looked forward to it even though.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I didn't even go, yeah, yeah, it was so fun. We all felt very sophisticated, even though it was a cookie party. And one of the best parts, Gretchen, was trading cookies. So once you went around the table and got all of your cookies, you could then trade with people who had certain, you know, favorites. So it was just a really fun, fun thing that I'm very nostalgic about. And, in fact, I'm thinking I should try to do that for Jack. That would be fun.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I've got to say, the hack part of this is that from the host perspective, it's not a very complicated party to pull off.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Right.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Part of it is that everybody's bringing to it and it's its own activity. So, like, yeah, you have to have your house ready for the holidays and bake your own two dozen cookies and have drinks and stuff. But you get a lot of bang for your buck with the holiday cookie party.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. Well, and speaking of getting your home ready for the holidays, this is a hack that you and I have both copied from mom, which is, once you do a good sort of holiday display, however you set it up, take a photograph of it, print it out, and store it in the box with your holiday decorations, so that when you unpack your holiday decorations, you can just exactly replicate what you've done before if you so choose. Because sometimes it's fun to, like, do things in a different way, but sometimes it's fun to just do everything exactly the way you did it before. That looked good. And, and I kind of like that model. And this is just has saved me a lot of, kind of decision fatigue. Cause I'm like, well, I'm just going to do this Christmas tree the way I've always done it.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Well, I have to say I have not actually done this, Gretchen. I think it's a great hack, but I have not actually been organized enough to photograph decorations. Also, my house feels like it's been in a constant state of flux since we moved in. So I haven't sort of perfected my holiday decorating yet. But I will do this. This is part of my lifelong goal to be, you know, actualized adult, is to photograph my Christmas decorations year to year.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Hey, listen, grilling happen. Miracles are, you know, all around us. So I have faith that you can do it.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And it really does make things easier. And here is a hack related to holiday shopping. So something that's a happiness stumbling block during the holiday times is people worrying about overspending or feeling guilty about what they've bought. And here is a way to manage spending. And it's something where I feel like there's a lot of expert advice, but it's not good for everyone. Because what a lot of times people will say is, when you're going shopping, always take cash. Because people feel the pain of the cash going out of their hands.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. But for someone else, using a credit card is the way to go. Because when you use a credit card, you then get a statement telling you exactly what you've bought. So in a way, it's more accountability than the cash, where cash can just flow out of your hands. And you're like, where did all that go?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Right? And this is the thing where I think it's really important not to think like, well, this is the best way to do it. Because I read an article about it. It's like, well, maybe cash is the thing that for you is the better impulse control device or maybe a credit card for you. So figure out which one works for you and then use that system as a way to control spending.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. Know yourself better.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Know yourself better.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay. And then, Gretchen, here's one on the eating front, which is always an issue, of course, around the holidays, if you're trying to eat healthier don't try the free samples. You know, when you're going around the mall or the grocery store, there's always a million free samples. I mean, Costco is famous for that.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And the whole reason they have the samples is because you're more likely to buy the food if you've tried the free sample.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, you're more likely to buy. So that goes to spending. Back to spending. And the thing is, when you have a free sample, you kind of remember your cravings. Like, you might not have had an urge to eat something sweet, but then you taste that, like, free chocolate bark or whatever, and then all of a sudden you're like, oh, my gosh, I really want some more candy. Or, you know, it awakens a craving in you that might have been completely dormant. So walk on by that free sample table.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And then here's one that it seems obvious, but I forget it every year for like a month. And then I have to remember, which is in terms of, you know, buying gifts, make a list, or if you see something you think someone would like or that you would like, take a photo so that you can remember what it is. Don't depend on your memory. So you've either got to email yourself, like with the heading, you know, Christmas list, or take a photo so you can go back and look. And this has saved me in the last few years doing this.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. And speaking of lists, which is so simple but so helpful, I think different groups of people would have different views about this. But, Elizabeth, in our family at least, there's a very strong assumption that everyone is going to make a list for themselves. And if somebody is buying presents for you, you will have a list of things that you would like. And that. So people don't have to depend on their own ingenuity or their own list keeping to come up with good gifts for you, but that you're going to suggest gifts that you want. And I think in some families and some groups of people, they have a stronger idea that it should be a surprise. But I really like it our way because it's a good feeling to know, like, somebody really wants something and I'm going to go buy it for them and I'm going to give them something that they really want. But there isn't that air of mystery. But for us, that really works well.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, it's very satisfying to, like, buy things, you know, somebody wants.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

But it does put pressure on us to, like, think of things we want. But that's okay. That's, you know.

Right.

There's Worse things than sitting around thinking, what do I want?

[Gretchen Rubin]

When I basically stopped buying anything for myself starting in mid November. And anything that I want, like, if I want to get, you know, like, oh, there's this special kind of face cream I want, I'm like, okay, that's going on the Christmas list because somebody will be very happy to be able to put that in my stocking.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Absolutely.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Now here's a fun one, is to identify a holiday family movie that you watch every year as part of your family holiday tradition.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, this is an easy, fun tradition.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. And I was very inspired by a friend of mine who, she and her children who are grown every January 1st, they watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy of movies. Now, that is not a small undertaking. And she said that is a commitment. Yeah, that is a commitment. And she says it's not like people are chatting and like wandering in and out of the room. It's like you are sitting in your chair and you are watching every moment of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. But it's what a wonderful tradition for them. Like, this is what it means to have New Year's Day. And it's like the tradition of. It just makes life feel more coherent. It makes time feel more special. It's something that you can all look forward to and share as a family. And it is a, it's a pretty easy tradition. Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And there are so many. You can go watch a classic like It's a Wonderful Life, the Charlie Brown Christmas special, or you can watch something more recent like Elf or Bad Moms, you know, which is out this year as a Christmas movie. It's like there's such a range.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Right? Right. You can pick what you want.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Coming up, more happier holiday hacks. But first, a break.

[Podcast Announcer]

The holidays are such a joyful time, but let's be honest, they can also be a lot. There's so much to cook, so much to clean, and unfortunately, so much food waste.

[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Podcast Announcer]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Podcast Announcer]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Podcast Announcer]

Gretchen it is the season of gifts, and you know I love personalized gifts. Yes, and you have been using Shutterfly many times a year for many years. And I am planning this year to make Adam a Shutterfly book of just.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Pictures of him and Jack through the years.

[Podcast Announcer]

Shutterfly lets you easily create meaningful gifts from photos you already have, whether it's a photo book, which is what I'm going to do, a blanket, or even an ornament. It's such a thoughtful way to connect with people you love during the holidays.

[Elizabeth Craft]

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Okay, Gretch, speaking of traditions, this, I think, is a really interesting holiday hack, and that's to be willing to let go of a tradition that goes against most people's instincts. So I want to hear you talk about that.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, one of the things about tradition is they really are valuable. They give people a sense of time passing. They help families stay cohesive. They make time feel more special. Children tend to love traditions, but sometimes you need to be willing to let go of a tradition or not be too upset if you can't keep every element. And I have had to do this many times. Like, for one, when I got married, you know, Elizabeth, for you and me growing up, the Christmas tree was a huge thing. We would always go the day after my birthday and buy a Christmas tree. Decorating the Christmas tree was a big deal. We each had our special Christmas ornament that we got every year. And so when I got married to Jamie, I really wanted to have a ceiling high, fresh Christmas tree. Now, Jamie's Jewish, so he had no particular, you know, associations with the Christmas tree. He went along with it just to be, like, a good husband. But I realized living in New York, this was so much trouble. It was so much work. It was so much effort. And then we would go to Kansas City every year where mom had, like, gorgeous tree and everything. And so now I have tabletop trees, goose feather trees, and I put my ornaments on there, and it makes the house look all decorated. And I'm sad that we don't have a proper Christmas tree the way I had growing up. But life became so much easier when I let go of the idea that Christmas wasn't Christmas unless I had gone out to the corner in the snow and dragged home the six foot Christmas tree.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, and this goes to the thing where it's like, life evolves, things change. You know, if something ceases to work for you, I think just feeling like you have to do it just to have, you know, just to do it sort of sucks all the life energy out of the tradition itself.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, exactly. And I had this just very recently because every year I would take a picture of the girls in their Halloween costumes, and I would have this Halloween gallery with these pictures that I only had out as part of our Halloween Decorations. And it was this wonderful picture of the girls through the years, and you could watch them grow and see what they had every year. And this year, of course, Eliza's away at college.

[Elizabeth Craft]

No Halloween picture.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, so I thought, well, should I have her take a picture of herself? And then she can send it to me and I'll print it out and I'll get one of those. You know how you can get those picture frames that are, like, hinged, so there's one picture on each side, but both of them would have to be vertical or both of them would have to be horizontal. And is she gonna follow through? And would she really be wearing her costume? I mean, I know she got dressed up to go to a party, but would she remember to take a photograph of it? And then I was like, you know what? I just have to let go of the idea that Eliza will be in the. And it's like, now she's in college, and the gallery is gonna reflect that.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And so the picture for this year is Eleanor in her Corpse Bride costume. And, you know, Eliza is off at college. And just, like, there are pictures of Eliza before Eleanor was born. I'm like, we're gonna have pictures of Eleanor after Eliza left for college. And it was. You know, it was. I had a little moment, but again, I'm like, I know I would have to hound and nag Eliza to get this picture. It'd be like this huge thing. Like, just let go of it. Let it. As you say, let it evolve. Life is evolving. Life is changing. We need to change the tradition, too. I need to change the tradition, too.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. So it does kind of make me cry, I'll admit. But I'm proud of you for not, you know, not being that moment.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. Yeah. You're just like. Because you're right. You suck all the life and fun out of it if it becomes just this terrible chore that everybody's dreading.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay, so that's. Be willing to let go of a tradition. I'd love to hear from people, by the way, Gretchen, on what traditions they've let go of or, you know, want to let go of but others won't allow them to let go of.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Right, right. Or how they evolved it. Like, what did you do if you couldn't do X, then you decided to do Y as sort of the next. The evolution of a tradition. And here's an interesting one, I think. And this goes to sort of holiday relationship issues, because one of the things about holidays is many ways, they're wonderful, but for many People. It can be challenging to be with family that you don't see that often, or dealing with big groups of people who might be coming from very different places. And a lot of times a big happiness stumbling block is sort of anticipating that there's going to be conflict or like, oh, we always have this fight, or I dread seeing XYZ person my family, or whatever. And I think one thing to do that can help is before you enter into a situation like that, or like maybe you're traveling to go someplace, spend some time thinking about how you want to behave in advance. So you're not just reacting in the moment, but you're thinking, how do I want to behave? You can't control how other people are going to behave. But knowing what I know about what the situation is likely to hold for me, how do I want to behave for myself?

[Elizabeth Craft]

I think this is such incredible advice because if you leave a situation knowing that you sort of acted the way that you felt was appropriate, then it's not going to haunt you, you know, but if you get baited by someone and you end up screaming across the table from them, that might haunt you and really ruin your holiday. Whereas as long as you maintain the behavior that you want to maintain, you can at least just, you know, walk away with your head held high.

[Gretchen Rubin]

1. You can also think, and this is related to the strategy of safeguards, which is one of the things I talk about in my book better than before, which is the safeguards. You anticipate failure. You think about, where have I slipped up before? What can I anticipate? So you can plan ahead. You can think about challenges, and you could say things like, well, I'm just gonna make sure that I'm sitting at the opposite end of the table from this person. Or, I'm not gonna drink at this party because I know if I drink, then I might get lured into a conversation that I don't wanna have, or I'm going to. If this person tries to make me fight, I'm gonna say, let's just agree to disagree or whatever it is. And, I mean, this is partly for relationships and that kind of thing. But then I think it's. But thinking about how you want to behave is even true for things like, how much dessert do you want to have? How much alcohol do you want to drink? How late do you want to stay up? The more you think about, well, knowing what I know about a situation and what the possible pitfalls are, how can I plan ahead to have the most fun, the most love, the most Engagement, given the situation, it's a great idea. And I think part of that too is, and this is thinking about your relationship to others, which is that often when you're making small talk with people, whether it's like you're at a big holiday party or you're with your family, that you don't see that often is to remember that topics that might seem innocuous to you or that you kind of just raised without even thinking about it particularly might really be upsetting to somebody else. And so you might be making somebody else feel bad or feel defensive even. Even if that's not your intention. You're not meaning to needle them or to, you know, poke them, but it has that effect.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. There are some classics in this arena that we would be remiss, Gretchen, if we did not mention.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

People do not want to be asked when they're going to have a baby.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Or when they're going to get married to their boyfriend or girlfriend, they want to be asked that even less.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

What else?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Didn't you give up smoking? Can you afford that? Oh, when are you gonna get a real job?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Oh, yeah. That is not a question people like to be asked.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So I think it's helpful also, like, in terms of, like, thinking about the strategy of safeguards. What are some questions that you might think of asking so that you don't, you know, ask these questions that might get people defensive. One of my favorite questions is what's keeping you busy these days? Because I feel like that's something where people can pick how they want to answer. They can answer with work, they can answer with family, they can answer with a hobby. It's nice and open ended.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. And then if they want to talk about how they're trying to get pregnant, they can talk about it.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Right. But you're not pursuing that course of conversation. But here's the thing. If somebody asks you what's keeping you busy or what are you up to? I always appreciate it when people say something. Not like, not much.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Right.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That doesn't help us have a conversation. So please give me something to work with here. Because sometimes you feel like, oh, it's. I'm a more easygoing conversationalist. So I say, oh, there's not much new to report what's going on with you. But that doesn't really foster connection.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. That's like the yes and principle of improv, you know, Right. When you're doing improv and someone's, you know, suggests something in a scene, you have to say yes and Then continue the thought. You're not allowed to just reject what they're saying.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Right, Right. Because it just like then everything just comes crashing to a halt. Yes, yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

The art of conversation.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I'm trying to teach that to Jack. I keep telling him, you need to practice the art of conversation.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Now I remember with Eliza, it's like you need to say things like, what's your favorite color? What movies do you like? And she said, I like it when other people ask me those questions. And I was like, I hear you, but it's something that we all have to learn how to do. And so, Eliza, the last happier holiday hack to offer is. Is to fill your heart with love.

[Elizabeth Craft]

That sounds good.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. Really try to go into the holiday spirit and really try to think about love. And I have my 12 personal commandments, and one of the 12 personal commandments is there is only love. And to really try to get yourself into that place where you can think about all the reasons you have for loving the people and traditions around you.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. I mean, if you think of all the reasons you're grateful for your family and friends and the happy memories you've shared, it makes you just more tolerant of anyone's quirks. And it's also always good to remember to look at things from other people's perspective.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Right, Right. As you're thinking about while this is annoying to me or this is difficult, or why did you have to do that to think about, well, can I think about this with love in my heart and how would I see things different? And that one of the things that happens is when you do take the time to feel grateful to people or to fill your heart with love, those positive feelings kind of drive out negative feelings. So if you're thinking about all the reasons that you have to be grateful for, like your in laws to your in laws, then that helps you not feel annoyed, not feel irritated, because, you know, a lot of times you can. And Elizabeth, you're saying it's reframing. And a lot of times you can reframe. Instead of saying, ah, I hate it that we have to travel at Thanksgiving, you can be like, ah, we're so lucky that we get to travel at Thanksgiving, or, oh, I can't believe I'm hosting again. You could be like, oh, I love to host. You know, and for a lot of times, we have mixed feelings about things. And so you can focus on the love that you feel.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

This can be hard to do. It's easier.

[Elizabeth Craft]

This can be hard to do, especially in the holidays. When we can be super stressed and rush for time. But if you're happy, you're gonna be able to make other people happy. And that is crucial.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, and that's the mystery of my second Splendid truth. I have my eight splendid truths of Happiness. One is One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself. And definitely, if you can bring that kind of loving, happy spirit to the holidays, you're going to have a much happier holiday than if you're thinking about the irritations and the annoyances. So I'm so excited to hear other people's holiday hacks.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Oh my gosh. I know. I'm hoping we get hundreds of them.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, yes, yes. I may have to do a holiday hack PDF. We'll see if we get enough great ideas.

[Elizabeth Craft]

There you go.

[Gretchen Rubin]

There you go. So let us know your various holiday hacks and what works for you. We would love to hear them on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook. Email [e-mail] or as always, you can go to happiercast.com to leave a comment or to look up any kind of links or images related to this episode.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Elizabeth, you know I love this time of year, but one thing I do not love is how short the days are. I feel like I'm always trying to cram so many things into a limited number of daylight hours, but one thing that's helping me really stay on top of my routine during this busy time is the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus. Powered by Peloton iq, the Peloton Cross Training Tread plus is Peloton's most elevated equipment yet with features that help you plan, stay motivated and achieve peak performance. You can let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push and go while Peloton handles the rest.

[Podcast Announcer]

Peloton IQ creates a personal workout roadmap with weekly recommended classes led by instructors who match your mood, vibe and personality. Go on a 45 minute run on the tread plus or do a five minute stretch routine off of it. With just one smooth spin of the swivel screen, it offers endless ways to train for a well rounded routine. No matter how busy you are. This is cross training reimagined. Let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push and go explore the new peloton cross training tread [e-mail] Elizabeth, you know that this.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Year I am hosting Thanksgiving for the second time. Huge bucket list for me and one of the things that makes it easier to prepare for any kind of big gathering, whether it's Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving or Friendsgiving or any kind of celebration is knowing.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That you can go to one place that you know you're going to get.

[Elizabeth Craft]

High standards and good prices. And this is why I love going to Whole Foods Market. I can look for the 365 brand.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I know that I'm going to get everything that I need and want.

[Elizabeth Craft]

For a good price with the quality that I can count on.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah, they have everything from low price quality turkey to pantry essentials. And Gretchen, I have to add frozen appetizers which are perfect for someone like me who is not a great cook. I love to get the quiche trio, their butterfly shrimp and breaded calamari. It's all so easy to prepare and so delicious. Enjoy. So many ways to save on your Thanksgiving spread at Whole Foods Market.

[Gretchen Rubin]

It's time for Black Friday.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Dell Technologies Biggest Sale of the Year. That's right, you'll find the lowest prices of the year on select Dell PCs like the Dell 16 plus with Intel Core Ultra processors and with built in advanced AI features, it's the PC that.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Helps you do more faster.

[Elizabeth Craft]

From smarter multitasking to extended battery life, these PCs get the busy work done so you can focus on what matters most to you.

[Podcast Announcer]

Plus earn Dell rewards and enjoy many other benefits like free shipping, expert support, price match guarantee and flexible financing options. They also have the biggest deals on accessories that pair perfectly with your Dell PC, improving the way you work, play and connect. Whether you just started holiday shopping or you're finishing up, these PCs and accessories make perfect gifts for everyone on your list. Shop [e-mail] deals and don't miss out on the best prices of the year. That's Dell.com deals.

[Elizabeth Craft]

This episode is sponsored by Better Help. You know Elizabeth, the seasons are changing. The days are growing darker, sooner. It can be a tough time for people. And this November Better Help is encouraging everyone to reach out and to check.

[Gretchen Rubin]

On the people that we love.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And you know, whenever I do this, whenever I reach out, I always think why didn't I do this sooner? And that's what people often say about therapy. They wish they had reached out to a therapist sooner. With BetterHelp they do the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps you identify your needs and preferences and with their 12 plus years of experience and industry leading match fulfillment, they typically get it right the first time. Matching you to a therapist this month.

[Podcast Announcer]

Don't wait to reach out whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step. First step our listeners get 10% off their first [e-mail] GretchenRubin that's betterhelp.com GretchenRubin.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay, Gretch, it is time for demerits and gold stars. What is your demerit this week?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay, so as you know, one of the things that I do in life is I love to read and I love to take notes. And so as I read books, I will often mark them up by using post it notes. If it's a library book, never fear. But so I'll mark them as I read them and then I will go back and pull out any of the information that I want to keep from the books. And I have like these huge troves of notes that I've kept and I really enjoy this. But lately I have had a lot going on. I've been traveling, I've had like a lot of work to do. And I've allowed myself to get behind on my note taking, which means that I have books piled up where I'm continuing to read without taking the notes from the books that I've already read. And this I know is not a good thing for me to do for my happiness because then I start feeling anxious, like I have all this work piling up. And usually I'm pretty good about if I have a book, I won't let myself start a new book until I have taken the notes from the previous book. So that's kind of like my trade off for myself. But I have allowed myself to get quite far behind in my note taking. Like I have a couple books where I have many, many, many, many, many notes that I know I'm gonna take. And so I've created this sense of, of being behind that's kind of taking the fun out of my reading because I feel like I'm not entitled to keep reading in a way. And so it's making me feel kind of overworked and anxious and then also sterile. Like I can't like I'm not like processing things properly. And yet I just haven't been able to set aside the time to catch up because it's grueling work in a way. It's grueling intellectual. Just copying things down doesn't sound that hard. But I kind of have to think through it and it takes a lot out of me. It really is work. But I know I'd be happier if I got myself Caught up.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. And, Gretchen, knowing you as I do, I agree. I think you need to catch up. I don't think you'll be right until you're caught up.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, yes, you're right.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So prioritize that.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I will. You're right. I'm gonna get this done. Okay. But, Elizabeth, take us to a gold star. What is your gold star for this week?

[Elizabeth Craft]

All right.

[Podcast Announcer]

I am giving myself a gold star.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Because I started Christmas shopping early this year. Now, I will say we one of hacks. I think our first hack was decide what day you're going to start thinking about the holiday and don't worry about it before then. And I definitely was shopping before that date, but I don't know, I just decided I wanted to be leisurely about it. And so one thing I've been doing is when I'm, you know, writing and I feel like I need a break, what I'll do for a break is spend maybe 10 minutes, like, browsing online so that I'm, like, getting gift ideas. And so it's like, it's both a break and it's productive. So I've been enjoying that.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, I have to say, you texted me the other day to ask me my size. So I was like, mmm, I think she might be doing some holiday shopping. So that was my clue. But here's my question. I think for a lot of people, using online browsing as a break from work could quickly become three hours. How do you make sure that you don't. That you keep it to be, like, a limited break and not kind of eat into your. Your need to be productive?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Well, you know how I do that is because I don't have that many ideas of what people might like. So it's. I. I like, I try to think of just, like, one thing that I can, like, look up and peruse, and then it's not like I have a million other ideas. So it's like I have to have an idea first.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay. Okay.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So it's sort of limited. I. I don't go down, like, a rabbit hole of, like, site to site to site to site to site. I kind of pick one thing to examine, and then I let it go. Because it's also not like I love online shopping so much that I want to just do it for hours.

[Gretchen Rubin]

You don't. You don't love. No, no. Right. Yeah. So that's a good example of knowing yourself better. For you, that is not tempting enough that it would kind of be a true temptation. But for some people, that might not be a good workaday break. Yes, because you could spend the rest of your life, as you say, going from site to site to site.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So that is true.

[Gretchen Rubin]

But you're getting your breaks and doing your holiday shopping. So that is a good guild star for you. And that is it for this episode of Happier.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Remember, try this at home sample from.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Our holiday Hacks smorgasbord. Let us know what hacks you tried and what works for you. We want to hear your holiday hacks.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Thank you to our producer Kristen Meinzer. Also thanks to Andy Bowers of Panoply. Get in touch. Gretchen's on Instagram at gretchenrubin and I'm at Liz Craft. Our email address is podcastretchenrubin.com as always.

[Gretchen Rubin]

You know what I'm gonna say.

[Elizabeth Craft]

If you like the show, please be sure, sure to tell a friend and.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Subscribe to us on itunes and for the resources. Okay, be careful. This is blatant self promotion coming your way as you are thinking about holiday gifts. I have to put in a plug for my books, my 2018 happier page, a day calendar, my coloring book, my day by day habits journal. I've got a whole bunch of stuff happiness related. So if you are looking for gift ideas, I offer it out there for you. There's something for everyone. There's a Churchill biography, but you know.

[Elizabeth Craft]

They could give a whole happier basket. Gretch Happiness Project. The four Tendencies. Better than before the coloring book. Wrap it all in cellophane.

[Podcast Announcer]

Great gift.

[Gretchen Rubin]

There you go. There you go.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Until next week. I'm Elizabeth Craft.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I'm Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and Upward Sarward Project.

[Craig Robinson]

Hi Gretchen. Craig Robinson and my little sister Michelle. Here we host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. We know you're the queen of giving advice, so we wanted to get a few tips from you.

[Podcast Announcer]

You know, Gretchen, a lot of our listeners are going through some major life changes. What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of midst of major life transitions?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you. Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective. So consider questions like this. What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me? Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me? If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would I choose? And here's a question. Would I like to have more time in solitude, restorative solitude, or would I like to have more time with friends? You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier. With greater self knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values. In my own case, I have found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the.

[Gretchen Rubin]

More grounded I feel when I'm going.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Through a period of major change or transition. For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. Wherever you get podcast, you can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships, Kiki Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success, Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents and so many more.