Ep. 545: Consider a Themed Retreat, Stay Safe in Crowds & a Cold-Water Solution

Summary

Podcast Summary: Happier with Gretchen Rubin – Ep. 545: Consider a Themed Retreat, Stay Safe in Crowds & a Cold-Water Solution

Release Date: July 30, 2025

Hosts:

• Gretchen Rubin – Author of The Happiness Project and Better Than Before
• Elizabeth Craft – TV writer and producer, Gretchen's younger sister

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Introduction

In this episode of Happier with Gretchen Rubin, Gretchen and her sister Elizabeth Craft delve into the concept of themed retreats, share practical safety tips for navigating crowded spaces, and discuss personal strategies for overcoming discomfort in cold-water activities. Their engaging conversation blends personal anecdotes with actionable advice, offering listeners insightful ways to enhance their happiness and well-being.

Themed Retreats: Designing Personal Getaways

Timestamp: [02:23 – 15:29]

Gretchen and Elizabeth explore the idea of themed retreats—dedicated periods focused on specific activities or interests. Drawing from their recent experience, they highlight the benefits of stepping away from daily routines to concentrate on something they love.

Key Points:

• Purposeful Downtime: Themed retreats allow individuals to immerse themselves in activities they enjoy, such as reading, hiking, or even binge-watching favorite shows.
• Planning and Flexibility: By intentionally scheduling retreats around existing commitments (e.g., Gretchen's work trip to Los Angeles), one can minimize expenses and maximize relaxation.
• Creating Traditions: The sisters discuss establishing new traditions, like a reading retreat, to celebrate milestones such as the "open door" phase when children leave for college.

Notable Quotes:

• Gretchen Rubin [05:45]: "It's really about clearing a block of time and making a plan to devote yourself to something."
• Elizabeth Craft [08:09]: "It was so calm and quiet during the week, making it less expensive and more enjoyable."
• Gretchen Rubin [06:32]: "You don't need to have a beautiful cabin by a lake or buy a plane ticket. It's about the commitment to do something meaningful."

Insights:

• Themed retreats don't have to be extravagant; the focus is on dedicating time to meaningful activities.
• Incorporating a signature adventure can make retreats more memorable and fulfilling.
• Retreats can be tailored for solo experiences or shared with friends and family to strengthen bonds.

Happiness Hack: Staying Safe in Crowds

Timestamp: [17:57 – 21:41]

Inspired by historical events discussed in their reading of War and Peace, Gretchen and Elizabeth provide crucial tips for maintaining safety and composure when caught in large crowds.

Key Points:

• Stay Calm and Protect Vital Areas: Adopt a boxer stance to shield your chest and head, ensuring you can breathe and maintain balance.
• Move with the Crowd: Avoid fighting against the current flow to prevent losing footing and getting trampled.
• Strategic Positioning: Position yourself away from walls and barriers to reduce the risk of being trapped and increase breathing space.
• Emergency Preparedness: If separated, have a predetermined meeting spot with your companion to ensure safety without holding hands, which can lead to accidental falls.

Notable Quotes:

• Elizabeth Craft [18:54]: "If you're feeling trapped in a crowd, stay calm and protect your chest and head."
• Gretchen Rubin [21:14]: "If you're with somebody, immediately say, 'Meet at XYZ spot' if you get separated."
• Elizabeth Craft [20:18]: "Make an effort to remember your neighbors because you're going to see them again."

Insights:

• Awareness and preparedness are essential for personal safety in crowded environments.
• Simple physical adjustments and mental strategies can significantly reduce panic and increase your ability to navigate through crowds safely.
• Building connections with neighbors can enhance community safety and personal happiness.

Know Yourself Better: Overcoming Cold Sensitivity with Wetsuits

Timestamp: [25:50 – 30:12]

Elizabeth shares her personal struggle with feeling excessively cold in water and how she overcame it by incorporating wetsuits into her activities.

Key Points:

• Identify the Problem: Acknowledge that sensitivity to cold limits participation in enjoyable water activities.
• Solution Implementation: Investing in a wetsuit made it possible for Elizabeth to comfortably engage in swimming and other water-based activities.
• Enhanced Experience: The wetsuit not only kept her warm but also alleviated self-consciousness about wearing a bathing suit, making the experience more enjoyable and freeing.
• New Traditions: This change enabled her to establish a new Fourth of July tradition of jumping into the lake with family, enhancing family bonding and personal happiness.

Notable Quotes:

• Elizabeth Craft [27:30]: "I realized, okay, identify the problem. I always suffer from the cold. That's why this is a problem for me."
• Gretchen Rubin [28:14]: "You got yourself a wetsuit?"
• Elizabeth Craft [29:00]: "This gave me the experience of being in the water. I was swimming so happily because I wasn't cold."

Insights:

• Understanding personal limitations is the first step toward finding effective solutions.
• Small investments in gear or tools can significantly enhance one's ability to enjoy activities.
• Overcoming physical discomfort can lead to the creation of meaningful traditions and improved quality of life.

Demerits and Gold Stars: Building Community Through Recognition

Timestamp: [30:18 – 34:47]

In the segment on demerits and gold stars, Elizabeth and Gretchen discuss the importance of recognizing both positive and negative behaviors to foster community connections and personal growth.

Key Points:

• Demerits: Elizabeth shares her realization about the importance of recognizing and remembering neighbors, especially in urban settings, to build a sense of community.
• Gold Stars: Gretchen highlights a positive moment involving Chris Martin from Coldplay, where his attentiveness during a concert incident demonstrated the power of presence and connection with the audience.

Notable Quotes:

• Elizabeth Craft [31:24]: "Getting to know your neighbors is a huge source of happiness."
• Gretchen Rubin [32:05]: "Chris Martin had the presence of mind to say, 'Either those two people are very shy or they're having an affair.'"
• Elizabeth Craft [32:45]: "It's about being present with the audience and connecting in that moment."

Insights:

• Building relationships with those around you, even in large cities, can enhance daily happiness and create a supportive community.
• Positive recognition, like Gretchen's appreciation for Chris Martin's attentiveness, can highlight the importance of mindfulness and presence in fostering connections.
• Acknowledging both strengths and areas for improvement in interactions helps cultivate a balanced and enriching social environment.

Resources

Elizabeth Craft's Substack Project: Secrets of Adulthood Elizabeth introduces her new Substack venture, Secrets of Adulthood, where she engages in live conversations with inspiring individuals and provides written recaps of these discussions. Upcoming events include sessions with Susan Cain, Dan Harris, and Joanna Goddard, offering deeper insights into the secrets of thriving in adulthood.

Key Points:

• Live Conversations: Engage with authors and thought leaders to explore various aspects of adult life.
• Accessible Content: Subscribers can join live sessions or access recaps to stay informed and inspired.
• Community Engagement: Encourages listeners to participate and share their own secrets of adulthood.

Notable Quotes:

• Elizabeth Craft [34:47]: "I have an insatiable desire to hear people's secrets of adulthood."
• Gretchen Rubin [35:46]: "You and I now need to decide what we're going to read next. Always so fun to decide."

Insights:

• Providing platforms for meaningful conversations can enrich personal growth and community knowledge.
• Engaging with diverse perspectives helps individuals navigate the complexities of adulthood with greater clarity and support.

Conclusion

In this episode, Gretchen Rubin and Elizabeth Craft offer listeners a blend of practical advice and personal reflections aimed at enhancing happiness and well-being. From creating themed retreats to ensuring safety in crowded environments and overcoming personal challenges, their discussions provide actionable strategies for living a more fulfilling life. Additionally, Elizabeth's introduction of her Substack project invites listeners to further explore the secrets of thriving in adulthood.

Final Thoughts:

• Implementing Structured Downtime: Themed retreats can provide necessary breaks and focused time for personal growth.
• Safety and Awareness: Practical tips for navigating crowds can enhance personal safety and reduce anxiety.
• Personal Solutions for Greater Enjoyment: Overcoming physical discomforts through thoughtful solutions can lead to increased happiness and new traditions.
• Building Community Connections: Recognizing and nurturing relationships within your community fosters a sense of belonging and support.

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Thank you for reading this summary of Happier with Gretchen Rubin Episode 545. For more insights and episodes, visit Happiercast.com.

Transcript

[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

Hello and welcome to Happier, a podcast where we talk about ideas and strategies for making everyday life happier, healthier, more productive and more creative. This week we'll talk about why you might consider going on a themed retreat and what to do if you're trapped in a crowd. I'm Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits, secrets of adulthood, human nature. I am in Encino, California, coming to you from my sister's guest room. And joining me today from her office right across the house is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. My sister the host, that's me, Elizabeth.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Craft, a TV writer and producer living in la. And Gretchen, I feel we've discovered a new zoom backdrop there in my guest room so I'm very excited.

[Elizabeth Craft]

It's a whole new vista.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

But before we jump in, we have a few updates.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, Mia said. I'm a mother of two young children and I'm finding it really hard to find time to read for myself. I wanted to do the read 25 and 25 but couldn't find the time when one of you said reading to your child still counted. I realized I do this daily and I am achieving the 25 and 25. It made me so happy to know that just because your reading looks different at the moment, it can still count.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I love that all reading counts and picture books can be amazing literature. I'm a huge fan of picture books.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And then this came from Rhonda.

[Gretchen Rubin]

She says thanks for inspiring me to take action. Your recent podcast referred to identifying the ugliest thing and then fixing fixing it. Mine has been my jewelry storage. Every time I reached for one of my delicate necklaces, the chains were knotted. I just gave up and dropped them back in their little compartment. You can't use what's not ready to go, so it was time to put them in order. I unclasped each tangled necklace and placed it on a light colored tray, then used two straight pins to gently pull out the knots. Hint. The reading light that drapes over a person's neck really helped show the chains. Once untangled, I looped the necklace through a straw and fastened the clasp. Each success made me want to get up and dance, but I didn't want to alarm my husband and startle the dog. One thing led to another. My necklaces are neatly placed with anti tarnished strips in a drawer. I sorted the other good jewelry and even polished some tarnished silver items. I sorted costume jewelry and put some in a donation pile. It felt good to tackle this ugly, annoying problem. Wow. Any good solutions in this gretch?

[Elizabeth Craft]

And many, many helpful hacks. The straw, the two straight pins, the light. I mean I've heard that that is the best way to untangle necklaces. Instead of trying to undo the knot, you just pull it wider and wider and wider and then it becomes very easy to see how to unknot it. But a lot of times it's like she says, you just keep putting it off because you're in a hurry. At a particular moment you really need to say okay, I'm going to sit down, turn on the TV or a podcast and like do this with all the proper tools and do it systematically and then you feel so great and then you've reclaimed these things that you haven't been able to use or give them away.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. And the straw is a great solution for travel because I find whatever I do to my necklaces when I travel, they tangle and it's so frustrating.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And a straw you can cut to be the right length. So that's a great hack.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And this week, our try this at home suggestion is to consider a themed retreat. And we got this idea because we just did a themed retreat, which was amazing.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. We had our reading retreat. We've been talking about it, I think, since January. We put it on our 25 for 25 lists, and we knew we wanted to do it because of read 25 and 25. And it happened. And it was amazing.

[Elizabeth Craft]

It was so fun and it was so delightful. I mean, one thing I realized is how happy I am to just say, like, well, we're going to go out for a meal and then we'll go for a walk. And now we got to go back to the hotel room so we have time to read. You know, there's no sightseeing, there's no scheduling. You're just reading. It was so delightful.

[Gretchen Rubin]

It was so delightful. It was so relaxing, but yet it felt like we were really accomplishing something.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

We had a really nice, airy room, so it was just lovely to lay in bed and read. Thank goodness they were comfortable beds.

[Elizabeth Craft]

They were very com. And you and I both love to read in bed. So a couple things is we sort of rarely sometimes give ourselves permission to do something that we really love to do. And here we really set aside and we've done a lot of things read 25 and 25. That is meant to accomplish that every day. But reading is something that is just very easy for people to push at the bottom of the list. And this is a good reminder, like, this is really valuable. This is a valuable activity. And putting meditation after anything makes it feel sort of more important and elevated, like waiting in the bus meditation or doctor's office meditation. Calling something a retreat just automatically makes it feel elevated and purposeful and like, okay, we're all in on this. And you could imagine all kinds of different retreats, but we found ways that in hindsight, really made this work to be easier and also less expensive than it might have otherwise been.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. So one was we built this around a time when you had to travel to Los Angeles for work.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So we decided you were already getting that plane ticket. So we decided, okay, let's find a place within driving distance of la. So then I don't need to buy a plane ticket. You don't need to buy another plane ticket. And it also set our time because it's that thing of something that can be done anytime is done in no time. So it gave us a focus.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, it got rid of that decision fatigue of when and where. So those two things were decided. And we did it during the week, which not everybody could do something like this during the week. And we did have to kind of at certain times do work related things. But we tried to clear our calendars as much as we could. And by doing it during the week, we made it much less expensive because of the place we stayed. And also even going to restaurants and things, everything just felt calmer and quieter. We didn't make any reservations, we just went when we wanted. And it felt sort of more like hooky.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I kept thinking, oh my gosh, today's a Monday. It doesn't feel like a Monday. It was very exciting.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. I will say also if you're driving from la, not going on a Friday and Sunday also makes driving easier because, you know, traffic can be so nuts when you're trying to get somewhere.

[Elizabeth Craft]

But what we realized is this doesn't have to be fancy. Like you don't need to have a beautiful cabin by a lake or buy a plane ticket. It's really about clearing a block of time and making a plan to devote yourself to something. And I think this is a great know yourself better question, which is what would I want to have a retreat dedicated to? What sounds fun to me and that will show you what you want more of in your life. I mean, it could be hiking, it could be biking, it could be board games. I could imagine somebody going on a puzzle retreat.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh yeah. Sarah would love nothing more than to go on a puzzle retreat.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Right. Well, and then there's silent meditation retreats, of course. I did a silent meditation retreat with Dan Harris and it was like an official retreat where I went away. But then for life in five Senses, I wanted a silence retreat where it wasn't about the meditation, it was just about living in silence. So I kicked my family out of the apartment and they all went to stay with my in laws for the weekend. And I just had a silence retreat in my own apartment. But I do think it's fun to go away. It makes it feel more special. It takes you out of your ordinary routine. I do think that it was really nice that we incorporated that we could have done a reading retreat in your house. But it's, it's different when you go.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Away no, it's nice to go away. Gretchen. This makes me think that on Fantasy island, we had a woman who her fantasy was just to sleep. She was sleep deprived. And that makes me think, you know, a new mom could go on a sleep retreat or even have a sleep retreat at home where she arranges for others to be situated such that she can get some sleep. But by calling it a sleep retreat, she's again elevating what's happening and signaling to people that that's what's happening.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Or maybe you say, like, Elizabeth, as your sister, I want to offer you a sleep retreat and, like, arrange that. And then if you're like, oh, my gosh, this sounds amazing, that's better than, oh, I'll babysit. But you know what also occurred to me, Elizabeth? We dedicated time to something that we love to do, but maybe you use a retreat to do something you don't like to do, like a procrastination busting retreat. Like, we want to get caught up on our photo albums. And we're going to do that together in this retreat. Or we're going to all work on our books of life with all of the details or update resumes, or everybody in the retreat is working on different things, but you're just saying we're going to set aside this time and again. It's your whole thing about give it a name, make it fun. It's a little bit of whimsy. There's a little bit of indulgence and pleasure around things that you're doing. And so you're just doing these unpleasant things together. And that in itself makes it more fun. And yet you do have that feeling of accomplishment when you. Which did make our retreat. Our retreat didn't feel like we were eating potato chips. It felt significant and meaningful and like a good use of our time. And I think that made a difference.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah, Gretchen, I'm just thinking, you know what would be fun is a trifecta retreat where you, oh my gosh, pick your one word symbol for the year, you do your list for the year, and then you, like, set your mind to the challenge of the year.

[Elizabeth Craft]

That would be so fun. And it's such an intimate thing to do with people. Like, if you were wanting to bond with friends, it'd be so fun to talk about it. And then you'd do all your planning. You could also do a ta da. Sometimes we talk about you do the look back and look forward. You could review the previous years, like go through your calendars, talk about everything you did in the Previous year. Give yourselves that. Ta da. I can imagine you could do a retreat where you're planning for the empty nest. Maybe you're really coming up on the empty nest, or you're planning. Or maybe it's years away. Because now that I'm talking about it, a lot of times people are like, I really need to start thinking about this now. And I say, yes, you really should start thinking about it now, because you can really affect how that transition unfolds by planning. And so, again, this is something where by calling it a retreat and making time for it, you could make that a lot more easy.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. We were even thinking you could do a binge watching retreat. Binge watch Game of Thrones. You could binge watch Transparent.

[Elizabeth Craft]

You and I were just talking about how much we love Transparent. I'm like, yeah, we could just binge watch it together.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. And you actually did this?

[Elizabeth Craft]

I did. Well, this is a kind of a retreat, which you might call like a forced recovery retreat, where it's like I was recovering from having four wisdom teeth pulled out and I was in Kansas City. And so mom and I decided to watch the entire original series of Anne of Green Gables together while I was recovering. And we still talk about that fondly by saying, okay, we're going to do this, and we're just going to sit down and watch it back to back. It transformed that really not very pleasant time, which I'm sure I wouldn't even remember now, except that we turned it into an Anne of Green Gables retreat. And that made it very fun to think about.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. So another thing to think about is do you want to do this alone, like a solo retreat, which is great, or do you want company? And it could be one person. You and I just had two of us. You could have four people, you could have five. You could have a couple's retreat of some sort. I mean, there's just.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Any of it works.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. The one thing that we noticed this is the one thing that we learned is that you want something to make it very memorable. Now, I think this will be memorable because it was our first one, but if we did five reading retreats, which we definitely want to do, I wonder if we should plan, like, one splashy adventure to really make it distinctive in our mind. Because when things are very similar and reading is, the book is memorable, but not the experience. So anyway, that's just something that I would think about. Next time is like one signature adventure for the retreat, because next time we think we would like to do it for three nights, not two nights. So then we would have a little bit of extra time.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, because in two nights, if we had done an adventure, that would have taken up a quarter of our time. So.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

But yeah, three nights I think would be fantastic.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Well, in a future episode we will share some voice memos that we took along the way. Capped with the clearing of Alyssa's closet, which of course for me was a highlight. Not so much for her, but for me it was delightful. We'll share our voice memos for yeah.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And Gretch, I want to thank the listener who suggested Los Olivos for our spot. We had asked what's a good place for reading retreat. Somebody suggested Los Olivos, which is wine country outside of Santa Barbara and Santa Ines Valley. And we went to the Inn at Maddie's Tavern. It was beautiful. So thank you to the reader who suggested that.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, we loved it. So let us know if you do try this at home and how a themed retreat works for you. What kind of themed retreat sounds good to you? Let us know on Instagram threads, TikTok, Facebook, or drop us an [e-mail] as always, you can go to the show notes this is happiercast.com545 coming up, we've.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Got a happiness hack to use if you're ever caught in a crowd and you want to get out of it. But first, this break.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Foreign.

[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay, Gretch, we are back with this week's Happiness Hack. And I find it very interesting that this comes from our reading of War and Peace.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. So we're following along with Simon Haysel's slow read of War and Peace with his substack footnotes and tangents. And one of the things that's fun about doing the slow read is that every week he sends out background information, helpful information about the section that we've just read. And in one of the emails, he discussed an episode that did happen in Russian history. It was an incident where almost 1300 people died in Moscow. And in 1896, during festivities connected to the coronation of Czar Nicholas II. And these people were trampled because there were so many crowds and there were sort of rumors that all these gifts were being given away and people got trampled. And you hear about this from time to time. And that got me really curious. Elizabeth, I don't know if you've ever wondered this. What do you do if you're caught in a crowd and you start to honestly feel scared?

[Gretchen Rubin]

So what do you do?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay. If you're feeling trapped in a crowd, okay. What you really want to do is you want to stay calm and, and you want to protect your chest and head. So you want to think about getting in that boxer stance with your arms up and your elbows are bent and your hands are near your chest, because that's going to protect breathing space and your rib cage so that you can keep breathing. That is one of the big things is can you breathe? And when the crowd is moving, move with the crowd. Don't try to fight against the crowd, because if you're moving with the crowd, you'll be able to stay on your feet. You'll keep your balance, because what you do not want to do is fall and get trampled. So you want to stay away as much as you can from walls or barriers, because then you can get trapped against them. And then the pressure on you is increasing because you can't move away. And as much as you can, you want to edge toward the crowd's periphery where it will be less dense. You want to move to the outside as much as you can. And if you do fall, you immediately want to stand back up if you can. And if you can't, hurl into a ball to protect your head and neck. And you don't want to, like, start screaming or yelling. You want to control your breathing because you want your oxygen. That is what you're protecting. Now, this is interesting. It came up for Jamie and me recently because we were at a Knicks game, and, you know, the Knicks have been doing really well, and so there would be huge crowds outside of Madison Square Garden. All very, like, joyous and happy crowds, but it was kind of scary. And we exited through the main exit right into the heart of the crowd. And we didn't sort of realize that this would be an issue. But then we did everything that you're not supposed to do. We started trying to fight our way out. There was a barrier because there was a police barrier on the avenue. It was very choked. And it did feel. And I didn't fear for my life, but I was definitely like, this is not very pleasant. I would like to get out of here. And then we did, and it was fine. But then the next time when we were in a similar thing, we left out of a different exit within Madison Square Garden. We walked very far inside the building to kind of a lesser exit on the edge. So then when we left, we were on the edge of the crowd, Whereas when we had exited before, we just walked right out into the middle of the crowd and. But we only knew to do that because it had happened to us before. Right. Whereas now that I know this, I think I would have looked at the crowd out there and been like, okay, why don't I be a little bit more strategic about making my exit rather than just Diving in and, like, fighting my way through.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, and I wonder, if you're with somebody, if you should sort of immediately say, if we get separated, meet at XYZ spot.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Because trying to stay together can be super difficult in a crowd.

[Elizabeth Craft]

No, it can. And then I think that is how you get pulled off your feet or something because you're trying to hold hands or. Anyway, yeah, that's really good advice. Like, you make your way, I'll make my way, and then we'll meet up in X place. That would have been a really good advice. So, anyway, happiness hacks from War and Peace.

[Gretchen Rubin]

There you go.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay. And, Elizabeth, now for a question related to the empty nest, or as I'm calling it, the open door. Here's a question, and let's ponder this. So one of the things that happened after Jamie and I dropped Eleanor off at college freshman year was that several friends texted just saying, like, hey, how did it go? Or, hope you had good travels or whatever. And it was very nice. Like, I really appreciated that they marked this milestone and acknowledged that we had this big thing happen to us. And it got me thinking that we don't really have any traditions for parents, except maybe ordering extra long sheets to mark this stage of life, which is a very. If you're going through it, it's a very significant stage of life. And. And, you know, there are all these new traditions. So, like, there's the baby moon, there's the push present, there's dog birthday parties. There's SantaCon, there's Galentine's Day, there's gender reveal parties. So it's not like we can't, as people come up with new traditions. So I'm like, let's get a new tradition around the open door.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, and Gretch, it's always fun to see what new traditions people start. You know, they're out there.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. So it occurred to me that something that people often do as sort of a marker of this time, that would be great to have a name for, like, the way you have a baby moon. It's not like everybody has a baby moon, which is when you go away with your spouse or your sweetheart right before you have a baby, kind of your last trip away without children. So that's the baby moon, but we have a name for it, and that's kind of fun, kind of makes it into a thing. What I was thinking of is that a lot of people. And it's conventional advice, which is if you're worried about coming home after you drop off your children and like maybe it's your last child. So now the whole house doesn't have kids in it. And you're thinking that that might distressing plan a trip right away. Like, I have a friend who's like, we dropped off our kids, we came home, we picked up our suitcases that were already packed, and we headed to the airport. It gives you something to look forward to. It mixes things up. You know, whenever we travel and do new things, time changes. And so it might help you get over that transition. You don't have that abrupt shift and then you have something to look forward in your own life. There's a lot of reasons why it makes sense. And I thought, what would you call that trip? Like a babymoon. What would be a clever name for that trip? It's like the door flinging open trip or the. I don't know, I'm just starting to spitball this.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah, I love that idea. I have to think about it because naming it will make it more special.

[Elizabeth Craft]

It'll make it more special and you'll feel like, oh, this is like a traditional thing that people do. Like, this is a thing that happens. And I think it might make it more likely that people think about it. And again, it's not like you have to fly across the world. I mean, maybe you just drive a couple of hours to see an old. But you give yourself that space and that time. But yeah, I'm just starting to think about it. I want to come up with a really creative name for it. It'll be like Galentine's Day, which was invented on the TV show Parks and Recreation. And now it's a thing because it just came from. Going commando is something that came from friends. That was not a phrase that was widely used. So we can start these things. So, Elizabeth, let's do it.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. I love it. I want to hear what people think we should do, Gretch, because I'll be having this in a few years.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, send us your suggestions.

[Gretchen Rubin]

All right, coming up, we have a know yourself better question. But first, this break. Gretch, Being a TV writer, I know so many people who travel for work for weeks, sometimes months at a time when they're shooting on location. I have a lot of great memories from being in Vancouver for weeks on end shooting a pilot. I love being in Vancouver. It's so gorgeous. Very different from la. Really fun. But when TV people are away, their houses and apartments just sit there in LA with nobody using them. Well, this year, as we are all trying to work smarter and not Harder. I know people who are hosting their space on Airbnb while they're out of town. Otherwise the place is just sitting, sitting there empty. It honestly feels like a no brainer way to get a little more spending cash.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I mean, who does not want a little extra income these days? Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how [e-mail] host.

[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

Long emails, leaving all the time in the world for more you time and for the things you actually want to do. No offense, Jim. Get A new Dell AI PC starting at [e-mail] AI PC how those ahead? Stay ahead. Okay, Gretch, we are back and we have a know yourself better question.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay, so this is a know yourself better question that is related to something that we talk about all the time, which is to identify the problem that often we have kind of a feeling that things difficult or they make us uneasy, but we haven't actually identified the problem. So I had this related to know yourself better, which is if you know anything about me, Elizabeth, one thing you know, and tell me if you think this is true, is you know that I suffer from the cold.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, indeed you do.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I get very cold in situations where other people are not cold. And I particularly get cold in the water. And so, okay, now we have our dream lake house. And a new tradition that I really wanted to enforce was that on the 4th of July, Jamie, Eliza, Eleanor and I would all jump into the lake at the same time. And I was really dreading this. And I realized, okay, identify the problem. What is the problem? The problem is I feel very cold. Unless it's like 110 degrees, I don't like to get wet. Okay, know yourself better. Okay. I always suffer from the cold. That's why this is a problem for me. But once I identified the problem, I'm really cold when I'm in the water. I realized there's a solution for that.

[Gretchen Rubin]

You got yourself a wetsuit?

[Elizabeth Craft]

I got myself a wetsuit. It was not that expensive. It was $55. It's not like the kind that you do if you're, like, underwater for six hours or something. This is for moderate temperatures for water sports. It has short sleeves and shorts. It's not easy to get into, but it's not extremely difficult to get into. Like, I could do it. And can I just say, this was money that was so well spent. It's better to buy experiences, not things. But this gave me the experience of being in the water. Jamie had bought an inflatable paddleboard, and I was, like, using the paddleboard. I was jumping in the water. I was swimming so happily because I wasn't cold.

[Gretchen Rubin]

You were frolicking in the water?

[Elizabeth Craft]

I was frolicking in the water, and I never did that because I was cold. It just takes the edge off, so I can be in the water very happily. And here's the bonus that I didn't anticipate. I don't know about you, but I do feel self conscious sometimes when I'm just walking around in my wet bathing suit, getting in and out of the water and just hanging around. And the thing about a wetsuit is it's more like wearing shorts and a top.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Right.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And it's thick, and it's warm, and it's comfortable. It's very stretchy. And so it just made the whole experience of playing in the water so much more fun for me. And so I feel like it's one of the best purchases that I've made in years.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That is so great, Gretch, especially because it's around your new tradition, your new Fourth of July tradition.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

It's extra exciting. And you can just keep the wetsuit at the house and always have it there.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. And it's one of these things where, like, now I can really use something, you know, we talk about. We'll use the advantages that your house or apartment offers to you. It's like, now I feel like I'll enjoy it so much more.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Because I kayak, but I don't get wet when I kayak, so I just wear my regular clothes. But now I can actually get in the lake.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, it's so fun. Next time I'm there, I want to see you frolicking in the water.

[Elizabeth Craft]

You'll see it.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And now, Gretch, it's time for demerits and gold stars. You're up with a happiness demerit this week.

[Elizabeth Craft]

This is sort of a funny one. So when I moved to New York City, I was like, there's a bazillion people in New York City. And I kind of just always assumed that I would never see people again. Like, oh, somebody's delivering UPS packages, but I'll never see that person again. Or, I'm in the drugstore, but I'll never see that person again. Or. But guess what? You do. That's the person who works at the drugstore by my apartment. They are going to be there the next time. And yet I sort of never consciously grappled with this until. Taffy, if you have a puppy, everybody who's walking their dogs stops to talk to you. And then Taffy wants to see their dogs. And sometimes they want to put up with a puppy, and sometimes they don't. So it's always like, a little conversation. And I realized that I was thinking, well, I'm never gonna see this person and their dog again. So, like, I don't have to make any effort to sort of remember that this dog's name is Boxer, or this dog's name is Leonardo or whatever. But it's like, no, they live in my neighborhood. They walk their dogs. I'm gonna see them again. Okay? Remember that. Make an effort. They're not just gonna vanish into the multitudes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That's good, Gretch. You know, that's how a lot of people make new friends is walking their dog 1,000%.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And, like, getting to know your neighbors is a huge source of happiness. And I probably see people all the time. I have a friend who says that he specifically goes out of his way to always try to make repeat purchases in the same place, the same newsstand. Or like, he buys his coffee from the same place because he's like, it makes you feel more connected to your neighborhood if you have these repeat relationships. Rather than, today, I go here, today I go there, today I go by my office today, whatever. And I thought that that's a really nice idea. It's just like a water rushing by me. I'll never step into the same river again. It's like you are going to step into that exact same river again. So pay attention.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Even in a big city?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, even in a big city. So, Elizabeth, what is your gold star? Take us up.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So, Gretch, my gold star goes to Chris Martin from Coldplay. Now, for anybody who missed this, there was recently a Coldplay concert. And during the concert, they always do a kiss cam where Chris Martin sees who's in the audience. And it's like a kiss cam. And it landed on a couple who were snuggling. And when they realized they were on camera, they basically panicked. The man ducked under the camera's view. The woman put her hands over her face and spun out of frame. And Chris Martin, and this is part of my gold star, had the presence of mind to say, oh my gosh, either those two people are very shy or they're having an affair. And it turned out they were having an affair. Now obviously we feel really badly for whoever was at home and now is dealing with this.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

But for some reason this moment has brought together, I would say the nation, but it's really the world.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah.

[Gretchen Rubin]

It has captured our imagination. It has spawned all sorts of other videos and memes. It's also of our time with social media things going viral. And Chris Martin had such presence of mind. I mean, he's obviously not phoning it in there on stage. He's paying great attention to what's going on. And it's also kind of brings him down to a human level. Maybe that's another reason that people find it uniting. It's like this big pop star is suddenly just like all of us.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Right. Well, it's interesting because there's a book called Performance by Livingston Taylor, which is a book which I love. It's very short, but it's all about stage performance. And one of the things he emphasizes, as a performer, your most important obligation is to be present with the audience. To not be so caught up in your own experience. Not phoning it in, like you say, or not so focused on what you're doing that they all kind of blur away. But that he really argues that you want to be really aware of what they are experiencing and that gives us this feeling of connection to the performer and. Exactly. I mean, I think part of what it was is like he was seeing what we were seeing. He was thinking what a viewer would think. And so you did, you felt this whole connection to everybody in the moment. Because it is just remarkable how much this did just come to everyone's attention, this tiny moment.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, everyone from my 15 year old son to my 90 year old father in law were well, well aware of what had happened.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. Even if they'd never heard of Coldplay.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, exactly.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And the resource for this week, I am having so much fun on my new substack project called Secrets of Adulthood. Elizabeth, you and I had many conversations about substack on our reading retreat because we both are loving substack.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Indeed we did.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And one of the things I love is I get to do these incredible live conversations with amazing people. I had one with Susan Cain. I had one with Young Pueblo In August, I'm going to go live with my old friend dan Harris of 10% happier with Joanna Goddard from Cup of Joe to talk about their Secrets of Adulthood, which I have an insatiable desire to hear people's secrets of adulthood. You can join the live sessions or watch afterward. Plus, I always share a written recap of all the best insights and highlights from the conversation so you can subscribe so you do not miss out. Just go to secretsofadulthood.substack.com or just search for Gretchen Rubin Secrets of Adulthood substack wherever. Then Elizabeth, what are we reading?

[Gretchen Rubin]

I just finished Rivals by Jilly Cooper.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And I just finished A Town Like Alice by Neville Shute. You and I now we need to decide what we're going to read next. Always so fun to decide. And that's it for this episode of Happier. Remember to try this episode home. Consider a themed retreat. Let us know if you've ever done this or if you would like to do it. What is your idea for a themed retreat? We want to know.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Thank you to our executive producer Chuck Reed and everyone at Lemonada. Remember, you can subscribe to Lemonada Premium. You can listen completely ad free. Just tap the subscribe button on Apple Podcasts or head to lemonade premium.com to subscribe on any other app that is.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Lemonadapremium.Com and here's your rhyming reminder. Usually we remind you to tell a friend, which we really appreciate. But we also really appreciate reviews. We would love it if you would leave a review. If you love the show, leave a review to let us know.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Until next week. I'm Elizabeth Craft.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And I'm Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward, Elizabeth. I love the setup in your guest room. I think that if you ever need another background for one of your zoom calls, you should try this. It's great.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, I have been doing my pitches in the dining room, which is the worst possible place in terms of human and dog traffic running around. Yes. So the guest room would be much better. I'm going to be this week I'm going to use the guest room.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Well, thank you for letting me use it today from the Onward project.

[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

They also offer Intuit Academy, a free and self paced training program through which you can advance your tax and bookkeeping career.

[Gretchen Rubin]

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