Ep. 547: Beware the Impulse to Disengage, Planning Themed Retreats & How to Know Yourself Better.

Summary

Happier with Gretchen Rubin: Episode 547 Summary

Release Date: August 13, 2025

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Episode Overview

In Episode 547 of Happier with Gretchen Rubin, titled "Beware the Impulse to Disengage, Planning Themed Retreats & How to Know Yourself Better," Gretchen Rubin delves into the common human tendency to withdraw during challenging times. Co-hosted by her sister, Elizabeth Craft, the episode explores strategies to counteract disengagement, offers innovative ideas for themed retreats, and includes insightful self-reflection questions to foster personal growth.

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Key Topics Discussed

1. The Impulse to Disengage

Gretchen introduces the main theme of the episode: the natural urge to pull back when facing loneliness, purposelessness, or being overwhelmed by negative news. She emphasizes the counterproductive nature of disengagement and provides research-backed insights on why staying connected and active is essential for maintaining well-being.

• Loneliness and Isolation:

  • Gretchen Rubin [06:00]: "Being lonely tends to make us more prickly. It makes us more fragile, more negative, more self-critical."
  • Contrary to the assumption that loneliness would make individuals more open to forming new connections, loneliness often leads to defensiveness and withdrawal.

• Feeling Purposeless:

  • Gretchen Rubin [08:30]: "People who regularly volunteer have higher levels of energy and well-being."
  • Engaging in meaningful responsibilities can restore a sense of purpose and even create more personal time by fostering a feeling of control over one’s schedule.

• Overwhelm from Negative News:

  • Gretchen Rubin [10:03]: "Action is the antidote to anxiety."
  • Actively participating in addressing issues can mitigate feelings of helplessness and foster optimism.

2. Listener Stories and Insights

The episode features several heartfelt listener contributions that illustrate the themes discussed:

• Caroline and Kate's Barn Quilts Retreat:

  • Caroline and Kate [21:41]: "We spent the last few days creating barn quilts to decorate our porches... considering setting up a barn quilts retreat."
  • Highlighting a creative and community-focused approach to themed retreats.

• Jennifer's Healing the Heartache Retreat:

  • Jennifer [24:08]: Sharing her plan to organize a retreat to cope with the impending loss of her beloved greyhounds.
  • Emphasizes the therapeutic potential of retreats in processing grief and fostering healing.

• Jonathan's "Stupid Fun" Retreat:

  • Jonathan [25:26]: "Every year... we do things like miniature golf, arcades, and superhero movies."
  • Showcases a lighthearted and bonding-focused retreat experience.

• Sarah's Creative Fun Days:

  • Sarah [26:49]: "Once a month, a professor would host a creative fun day for any creative project."
  • Demonstrates how scheduled creative time can enhance productivity and fulfillment.

3. Themed Retreat Ideas

Gretchen and Elizabeth brainstorm various themed retreat concepts, highlighting their versatility and benefits:

• Self-Knowledge Retreat:

  • Incorporating exercises and quizzes from Gretchen's "Know Yourself Better" journals to deepen personal understanding.
  • Gretchen Rubin [26:58]: "Such a great way to dive into the core of somebody else's nature."

• Trifecta Retreat:

  • Focusing on looking forward, reflecting on the past, and planning for the future.
  • Elizabeth Craft [27:25]: "Being prepared for the upcoming year with self-knowledge exercises."

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Happiness Hacks

1. Travel Toiletry Kit

• Description:

  • Keep a kit of travel-sized toiletries always stocked to simplify packing and ensure nothing essential is forgotten.

• Benefits:

  • Streamlines the travel preparation process.
  • Reduces stress related to packing and unpacking.

• Quote:

  • Gretchen Rubin [29:26]: "Packing is so much easier and you never forget anything important."

2. Hosting on Airbnb

• Description:

  • Rent out your home while you're away to generate extra income.

• Benefits:

  • Monetizes an otherwise unused space.
  • Provides financial flexibility for future getaways.

• Quote:

  • Elizabeth Craft [35:49]: "With Airbnb, you decide when to host, who stays, and how much to charge."

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Know Yourself Better Question

Gretchen presents a reflective question to encourage listeners to explore their past selves and understand their current identities better:

• Question:

  • Gretchen Rubin [15:58]: "As a child, what made you different? What were your interests, pursuits, activities, enthusiasms?"

• Purpose:

  • To identify traits and passions from childhood that continue to influence adult behavior and preferences.

• Examples from Hosts:

  • Elizabeth Craft [16:29]: Shared how wearing glasses made her stand out and be perceived as the "smart one."
  • Gretchen Rubin [19:38]: Discussed her passion for reading and creating blank books filled with quotes and images.

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Personal Stories and Reflections

Gretchen and Elizabeth share personal anecdotes to illustrate the episode's themes:

• Gretchen on Coping with Her Husband's Hepatitis C:

  • Gretchen Rubin [10:49]: "I got involved in our local organ donation organization, which helped me feel more in control and less helpless."

• Elizabeth on Preparing for Her Dogs' Passing:

  • Elizabeth Craft [24:08]: Detailed her plans to create a Healing the Heartache retreat to support her grieving process.

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Demerits and Gold Stars

Demerit:

• Too Much Caffeine Before Bedtime:
  • Gretchen Rubin [30:39]: Admits to consuming caffeine late, resulting in poor sleep, despite being a "sleep zealot."

Gold Star:

• Project Runway's Return:
  • Elizabeth Craft [32:24]: Celebrates the revival of her favorite design competition show, highlighting its positive impact on her happiness.

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Resources Mentioned

• Muse Machine:
  • A card deck of 150 creative prompts to overcome creative blocks.
• Know Yourself Better Journals:
  • Includes variations like embracing change and building connections.
• Don’t Break the Chain Tracker:
  • A tool to visualize habit-building progress.

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Concluding Thoughts

Gretchen and Elizabeth emphasize the importance of proactive engagement in maintaining happiness and personal growth. By recognizing and resisting the urge to disengage, individuals can cultivate stronger connections, find renewed purpose, and navigate life's challenges more effectively. The episode encourages listeners to explore themed retreats and self-reflection as pathways to deeper self-understanding and enhanced well-being.

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Notable Quotes:

• Gretchen Rubin [06:51]: "Happier people are more tolerant, more easygoing."
• Elizabeth Craft [15:57]: "Do disengage if you need to, but also don't disengage when it's counterproductive."
• Gretchen Rubin [25:26]: "A Healing the Heartache retreat can provide space to begin healing."

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For more insights and practical advice on happiness and good habits, visit happiercast.com and join the conversation on social media platforms like Instagram, Threads, TikTok, and Facebook.

Transcript

[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

Lemonade.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Hello and welcome to Happier, a podcast where we talk about strategies and suggestions for making our lives happier, healthier, more productive and more creative. This week we'll talk about why we should beware the impulse to to disengage. And we will talk about some terrific ideas for themed retreats from listeners. I'm Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits, secrets of adulthood, human nature. I'm in my little home office in New York City which is heating up rapidly as I sit here without my air conditioning on. And joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister Elizabeth Craft. And Elizabeth, you have excellent air conditioning in your studio room.

[Elizabeth Craft]

That's me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in la. And yes, Gretch. Nice and cool here. In fact, sometimes I even have to turn on my little heater because I get chilly.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, before we jump in, a few updates.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, Margo said, I highly recommend a book club in your neighborhood. That's something I talked about wanting to do. I have one just on my street. Not only is it a great way to catch up with my neighbors and talk about something interesting, socialize. It's also fun to see the neighbors walking through the neighborhood to get to the person's house on book club evening. We have one tonight. One of our neighbors started coordinating a monthly shelter dinner that families on the neighborhood contribute to. We had our five year anniversary this month. It's another great opportunity to connect with the neighbors while contributing to care and feeding in our community. And I love seeing people walking down the street carrying their dishes to contribute. Just another idea for connecting with neighbors.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I love this idea. I love just the word neighbor. To me, it has so much energy and power. And I love the idea that it's just the street. Alyssa, do you remember growing up, we had a carpool to school that was just children on our street. And there is something special. Not even just your neighborhood, but your street.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Oh, yeah. I would go out and play, like kick the can and sardines with just kids on our street.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Just our block. Yeah, that's a great idea. I love both those ideas. Rachel said, I just finished the episode regarding making a decision and making it work. For instance, with the city you choose to live in. I have always felt some regret moving back to my hometown. Even though it has been nine years, I still feel like I have one foot out the door because I still feel like I made the wrong decision. Obviously, the decision has stood the test of time for nine years, so maybe it's high time for me to make it work. As you say, it actually takes up a good amount of mental room contributing to worry. The idea that we should never have moved back here. The indecision is exhausting. Like the college transfers and the summer camp. If you have the choice, you're always scanning for the bad so you can choose better. Well, I'm going to try to change this now. So that's great. She's made a decision and deciding to make it work.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I love that. And then Pam asked, is there a spot on your website that lists the know yourself better questions that you pose in some of the podcasts?

[Gretchen Rubin]

There is not a spot on my website per se, but I have created journals that are collections of the know yourself better questions because these are so popular. So I have one that's just the classic know yourself better. Then there's one know yourself better embracing change. And then there's the know yourself better building connections. And so if you love a good know yourself better question, just go to my site, GretchenRubin.com, look on the shop, and you can find those three journals. Alyssa and I, we love a great know yourself better question. So it's fun to hear that other people find them as intriguing and useful as we do.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, they really are intriguing.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So this week, the try this at home suggestion is to beware of the impulse to disengage.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Interesting. Okay, explain that a little more.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, the impulse to disengage can come up in many ways, and there's sort of three principal ways. One is that when we feel lonely and isolated, we tend to pull away. Now this, I think is somewhat counterintuitive, and it's certainly counterproductive. But I think it's counterintuitive because I did a lot of research on loneliness for my book Happier at Home. And I had always assumed, without thinking about it, that if you were lonely, that would make you more receptive to other people and more open to overtures of friendship and connection for other people. Because you're like, well, of course you're gonna be more receptive to it because you're lonely. But in fact, what research shows is that being lonely tends to make us more prickly. It makes us more fragile, more negative, more self critical. It makes us less accepting of potential new friends. I just read that novel A Man Called Ove, and that's exactly what it is. He's very lonely and so he becomes incredibly defensive and difficult. And, you know, you really want to be aware of this impulse because it is so counterproductive.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, I totally see how that would happen. It's like you feel angry and so you don't want to deal with people. But in fact, it has the opposite effect.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah, it's one of these things where happier people are more tolerant, more easygoing. So you want to be aware of the fact that if you are feeling lonely or isolated, you may be starting to try to pull away or ward people off. And I know just even in my own life, even when I'm not tremendously lonely, but when I am feeling kind of blue or feeling a bit isolated, I do just want to like stay home on the sofa and watch reruns of the Office. You know, I'm like, that's what's going to feel good. But I know if I see people, if I make plans, if I go out and like interact, that's what's going to make me feel more comforted and energized. But you sort of have to talk yourself into it sometimes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, I think that's a reason why it is a good idea if you're lonely to have a dog, because you're forced to go out in the world and walk your dog and see people.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, and then there's an important distinction though, between loneliness and like, being isolated by yourself and then also desired solitude. Because we all know the feeling of solitude when it feels peaceful and creative and restorative, or when it's that distracting, draining, upsetting feeling. And so it's also, I mean, back to the know yourself better. You wanna say to yourself, what am I experiencing? And then, of course, you could be lonely even when you're with Other people. So you're not even necessarily by yourself.

[Elizabeth Craft]

True. It's the thing, Gretch, you always say of the opposite of a profound truth is also true, because sometimes you tell somebody, just disengage. So.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Right.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Don't disengage.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Right.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And also do disengage if you.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. So this is gonna be. When we talk about don't disengage.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. We can do. Do disengage.

[Elizabeth Craft]

That's right.

[Gretchen Rubin]

They're both true. Okay, so, yeah, your mileage may vary.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And we did a very special episode about loneliness. Yes, episode 110.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah, that was a really, really fascinating discussion. It's a really important subject. But then the second kind of category where we may feel an impulse to disengage that might not be useful is when we feel purposeless. What research suggests is that when we feel purposeless, we often shy away from meaningful responsibility. It just feels like it's too much to take on. But again, it's counterproductive because actually helping other people tends to energize us and cheer us. There's something called a helper's high that people get. And research shows that people who regularly volunteer have higher levels of energy and well being. And here's something that is, again, very paradoxical, but I think it rings true in our own experience, which is that people who spent time helping others reported having more time available in their days to. To spend on themselves. So you say, well, how can it be that people who are devoting this time to other people now feel like they have more time to themselves? That just logically can't be true. But the researchers theorize it's because when we're helping others, we feel more capable and we feel more in control of our schedules. And so if you are feeling that, oh, my gosh, I have no purpose, I want to disengage. Remember this. I know talking to people about the empty nest, a feeling of purposelessness is something that is a big, big challenge for some people at this time. And so getting a sense of purpose by taking on meaningful responsibility is a way to address that.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. Gretch, I love the phrase helpers high. I've never heard that before.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, and then the third category is that when we feel overwhelmed by news, bad news, or events or things that are happening and we feel helpless about what we see, we sometimes disengage. We want to turn away. But in fact, as we often say, action is the antidote to anxiety. And being part of the work to address an Issue tends to make you feel more optimistic, not less optimistic. And so by kind of getting engaged with this issue, this problem, this bad news, this event that actually will make you feel better about it.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Gretchen. I definitely feel this in Hollywood. You know, as we talk about all the time on Happier in Hollywood, it's a very anxious time. Things are changing. A lot of people feel hopeless. And when Sarah and I do like a WGA panel or take part in one of our groups that we're in, one of our writers groups, we have a few, I definitely feel better and more in control. Also, like, we started a substack and that helps us feel more in control. So it is the case that you want to just sort of get in bed and put the covers over your head and just say, tell me when to come out. Yeah, but the more we do, the better we feel. Cause we're just doing it. So I definitely feel this.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, I felt this way myself because my husband Jamie had hepatitis C. He got hepatitis C when he was 8 years old from a blood transfusion he got during a heart operation. Because at that time they didn't know about hepatitis C, so they weren't screening for it in the blood supply. So he had hepatitis C. And the thing about hepatitis C, it takes like 30 years. And so by the time we were sort of married and everything, it was starting to be a very real issue for him and his health. And because of science and researchers, he's now miraculously cured. But there was a while there where it attacks the liver. That's what hepatitis C did. And we knew that there was medical breakthroughs happening, but we didn't know if they would happen fast enough for Jamie. So one of the things you do is if his liver failed, then potentially he would have a liver transplant. And so one of the things that I got involved in as part of this, because I did feel very powerless in the face of just this virus in his body, was I got involved in our local organ donation organization. And it did make me feel better because I was like, here are these good people doing this good work. It was something that I could do and it did help during a difficult time.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So, yeah, this is great advice. And I definitely feel like I myself forget about this advice to resist disengagement. So I'm glad to hear this because I think it is super helpful.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, I will be very curious to hear listeners ideas about how they've engaged instead of disengaging. So let us know if there are contexts where you've felt that impulse or resisted that impulse to disengage. Let us know on Instagram threads, TikTok, Facebook. Drop us an [e-mail] or as always, you can go to the show notes this is happiercast.com 547gretch Coming up, we.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Have a video happiness hack. But first, this break. Gretchen it's always bittersweet when summer winds down, even though we look forward to fall as well. One thing I've done so that I don't feel too sad about summer ending is plan to have friends over for dinner in fall. And one thing I got for that dinner from Wayfair is a beautiful set of napkin rings. I got Julisca napkin rings. They came so fast. And you know I love a tablescape. So I'm trying to up my game with the help of Wayfair.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah, and when you're getting back to routine, Wayfair can help you achieve it. Whether you need bedding and bath basics, stuff for kids, rooms, home decor, storage, kitchen essentials. There's something for every style in every home, no matter your space or budget. And free and easy delivery, even on the big stuff. No more huge delivery fees for furniture. Get organized, refreshed, and back to routine for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair Every style, every home.

[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay, we're back with this week's happiness hack. Gretch, this is something you told me about that I had no idea of.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. We were together in your house in Encino, and you had to do a video call, and you didn't know what your background was going to look like. I think you had to be in a different place because, like, I was there. I can't even remember now, even though it was, like, two weeks ago. But if you want to know how you're going to look on video, you can go to Zoom us test, and it will show you what you look like. And also you can test your microphone and your headphones. Now, of course, you may not be using Zoom. You may be using some other platform. And so it might be slightly different. You might see slightly more or less of the background. It seems like all of them have their own idiosyncrasies. But I find it really helpful, especially if I'm in a new place or I'm worried about the lighting or I don't know if something messy in the background is going to show. Do I need to worry about moving all that stuff, or can I just leave it be? That's really helpful. And it's just Zoom us test, and it will give you, like, a minute to take a look at your setup.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Very helpful.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And now a know yourself better question. Okay, I think this is a really good know yourself better questions because I'm very interested in how our child selves influence or show up in our adult selves. And so here's the question. As a child, what made you different? So what were your interests? What were your pursuits? What were your activities, your enthusiasms? What were the things that made you stand out? Elizabeth, what would you say?

[Elizabeth Craft]

That's such a good question. Well, one thing that I always felt like made me stand out was that I had glasses starting in fourth grade.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Were you one of the first in your crowd?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Oh, for sure. And it's funny because there's this idea that people look smarter with glasses. So I feel like I was always labeled as the smart one because of my glasses starting in fourth grade. And it's silly how it's still the case that people, even as adults, I feel like, have that association.

[Gretchen Rubin]

It's like having a British accent. You just sound smarter.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Exactly.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Here's something funny about glasses. So with Eleanor, she really, really wanted glasses, and I think she had to get glasses in second or third grade. So she was also very young, also one of the very first. But she was really Excited about it to the point that I was sort of concerned. And her eye doctor, I guess he could tell that I was like, is she faking this just because she really wants the glasses? And he leans over to me and says softly, I can tell by the shape of her eyeballs that she really does need glasses. Because it's like, could a second grader, like, fake out this test? Probably not. But anyway, I just thought that was funny because you sort of have this idea that nobody wants glasses. But Eleanor really was excited. And then her friends all wanted glasses, too, which was kind of funny.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Maybe it was a Harry Potter effect.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I don't know. Not in her case. I don't think so. Maybe they just made her feel grown up.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. Okay. Yeah. Now, I think, Gretchen, I'm very much known for my love of the Housewives. I feel like that makes me stand out.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Of course, they didn't exist when I was young, but I definitely am known for that.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I think people casually watch the Housewives, but you rigorously watch the Housewives. You listen to the Housewives podcast. You've gone to live shows of podcasts that discuss the Housewives. I mean, you will often be like, I have a celebrity sighting because I saw this housewife. I feel like you've taken it to a level of enthusiasm that's unusual.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. And I think part of why it stands out is because maybe it seems counter to who I am. If people meet me, I think they don't think I would love the Housewives. So then it really strikes them as odd or interesting. So it's kind of like, what surprises people about you also makes you stand out.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, it's that question that is really fun to play in a crowd, which is, what is the least you thing you? Or like, what's the least you thing about you? Like, I have a friend and she's like, the least me thing that I do is dye my hair. And everybody's like 100%. Nobody would think that. But of course, the opposite of a profound truth is also true. Because it may be the thing that's very unexpected, but then it is the thing that is so authentic to you. So it is the most you and the least you. My father in law loves jewelry and he was saying, oh, yeah, I'd buy rings, I'd buy bracelets. I love jewelry. None of us knew this. I was like, that is the least you thing I've ever heard you say. So it's a really fun thing with people that you know well to try to figure out about what it is, and it takes a long time sometimes, but when you hear it, you know it. And now that I know you so well, it's not the least Elizabeth thing about you, but I think to people who don't know you well, that might be a candidate. That's so fun.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So how about you, Gretch? What were you known for? As if. I think everybody could probably guess what you were known for.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I was just a big reader. I was just like a big, big, big reader. I mean, I remember when mom and dad made a rule that I had to go outside for like a half an hour a day because otherwise I would just stay inside and read all the time. A lot of people love to read, but I was just so, so enthusiastic about it. I think that was a thing that I was really known for. It wasn't so much that I was known for this, but it was something about me that made me different. That I knew was that I had my blank books that I worked on, which is when I would spend hours and hours. I would cut out images from magazines and I would copy out my favorite quotations from books, and then I would match the quotation with the image and copy the words into a blank book. And then on the facing page, put the illustration. And for some reason, I have nine of these books. I spent hours and hours and hours and hours for years on them. I still have them. They're right next to me right this very minute. Cause they're so precious to me. I never showed them to anybody. Not that they're secret, but I just never had the impulse to show them to anybody. But they were something that I did that was special to me.

[Elizabeth Craft]

What I remember about those books, Gretchen, is that you would glue in the images or the quotes, and then they would get bigger and bigger when they dried. So the book ended up fanning out like an accordion.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Not lie flat. Right. Which makes them hard to put on my shelves because they take up a lot of room. Because it's not just sliding a book under the shelf. That was a big, fun thing for me. And this is a question that I've been thinking about with the Empty Nest as well. Because sometimes people will say, like, I need to figure out what I like apart from the preferences of the family around me. And I think sometimes we do lose touch with our quirks, our likes, our dislikes, our enthusiasms. Often. I think that by reflecting on the past, we have clues for the present. So I think it's a really interesting know yourself better question.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Absolutely.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And now for some listener answers. We did a themed retreat, a reading themed retreat, but you could have anything you want and we heard some really intriguing ideas for retreats.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, Caroline and Kate said. We just spent the last few days working on creating barn quilts to decorate our porches where we live in Alberta, Canada. We love the process so much we are now considering suggesting it to friends and setting up a barn quilts retreat in our mountain house near Banff, Alberta. We created the design, drew it onto plywood, then painted it. Such fun. And they sent a picture which was adorable.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay, this is a fun idea, rebecca said. For the last few years, my cousin and I have had an annual weekend retreat with a pampering theme. Each year we choose a different place and plan a combination of something relaxing, something new, and some retail therapy. It's a very bonding experience and we look forward to it every year. I mean, if you need something to look forward to pampering, just the word you're like, okay, sign me up. But it sounds like what they're doing is not that extravagant.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, it sounds great, jennifer said. Your recent episode about going on a themed retreat made me stop and wonder. Have I been planning one myself without realizing it? While I am not looking forward to my dog's passing, I know that day is drawing nearer. Sean and Heidi are 13 and a half and 12, and in Greyhound years, they're in the late summer of their lives. Like so many others, we adopted them after their racing careers ended. Sean was two and a half and Heidi around four. They have been a part of the family for quite a long time. Greyhounds are a special breed, and these two have filled our lives with quiet joy. Now, as age has slowed them down and brought on arthritis and chronic kidney disease, I find myself dreading the inevitable goodbyes. I've been through this kind of loss before, and I know how devastating it can be. That's why, in true planner and overthinker fashion, I've begun preparing for what comes after. I am not sure if my husband will join me because he processes these things differently and I would like to respect however he chooses to handle his own grief when the time comes. I hadn't thought of it as a retreat until I heard your episode, but now I wonder. Maybe this is exactly what I'm organizing a Healing the Heartache retreat. I've been quietly gathering options for a small getaway for when the time comes. I've saved a few Airbnb listings so I don't have to make the decisions later. I'm not planning to Go far. Perhaps a train ride to Mystic, Connecticut, or to put my car on the Cape May ferry and head to Bethany Beach, Delaware. I imagine watching the water, whatever the season, as a soothing balm for my soul. I'd like to rent a house with a Porsche or a quiet, quiet spot to sit with a cup of coffee, read and take therapeutic bike rides and walk through beautiful scenery. A deep bathtub to soak in and a cool, dim bedroom where I can finally sink into rest. I haven't had an uninterrupted night's sleep in nearly two years, since Sean first needed a midnight trip outside, which I can clearly remember was during the meteor shower in 2023. And I've been up with one or both dogs multiple times a night ever since. Since we haven't traveled or taken a weekend away in that time either. Our longtime dog sitters retired and we didn't want to introduce new people into their routine at their age. And then it became too hard with special food and the late night trips outside. Of course, this retreat won't take away the heartbreak, but I hope it will take me out of the day to day routines so steeped in memory and give me space to begin healing. I know when I come home the feeling will still be there, but maybe we will also be ready to honor their memory, perhaps by welcoming new dogs who need a loving forever home, just as Shawn and Heidi once did. Well, that's beautiful.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That is a beautiful idea, a Healing the heartache retreat. And I think she's very wise to think in the moment. She's not gonna wanna like be scrolling through Airbnb listings or thinking about, okay, do I wanna go to this town or that town? It's good to think about it in advance and sort of have a plan. And so that then when you need it, you're sort of like, I've prepared myself. And it sounds like Jennifer really knows herself and like what works for her and sounds from sad experience. And so this is a really good idea of you know yourself and create the circumstances that are going to help you through a tough time when you can anticipate it. We can't always anticipate it, but sometimes we can. So I thought that was a really beautiful idea. Yeah, kind of a very different note. Jonathan said, every year in the first weekend in April, my buddies from medical school get together in the same town. We call it stupid fun and we do things like miniature golf, arcades and superhero movies.

[Elizabeth Craft]

That's fun. Stupid fun.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Retreat, Stupid fun.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Sarah said, your discussion of different types of retreats reminded me of a favorite respite when I was in grad school. Once a month one of my professors would host a creative fun day where people could come and work on whatever creative project they desired for as long as they desired. That time set aside and having other people around meant I finished craft projects that would have just languished otherwise.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I mean that is a brilliant idea. That would be a great idea for a themed retreat. You could do that once a month if you have artsy friends and get all that stuff done. I love that idea.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And Elizabeth, I love the idea of the trifecta retreat planning retreat for the upcoming year where you look forward, look back. I love an idea of a self knowing knowledge retreat where you would do just self knowledge exercises and quizzes. You could work in the know yourself better journals. We talked about the values bridge quiz which is how do you know your values? There's the four tendencies. There's so many things that would be super fun.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, it'd be fun to do the quizzes and those things and then discuss them with whoever you're with.

[Gretchen Rubin]

No, exactly. And it would be such a great way to like be breaking the ice because you would be instantly completely leaping into like the core of somebody else's nature. Yeah, I love that idea. I would love to lead a retreat like this. I could think of nothing more fun than leading a self knowledge retreat.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Oh, maybe you should do it.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay. Well anyway listeners, let me know if you think that sounds like something that would be fun for you. Let me know because I think that would be fun. I would end the trifecta retreat. I think that also sounds incredibly fun. I love a themed retreat. This is just a fun idea.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. All right, coming up, Gretchen has a demerit about sleep. But first this break. Everyone is talking about weight loss medication, but these days not as many people are talking about how hard they are to access. That's because hers is changing that with transparent pricing, expert care and a personalized plan that's actually built in price priced for where you're at. Hers is transforming women's health care by providing access to affordable weight loss treatment plans. They connect you with a medical provider who will work with you to determine the best treatment option for you. There are no hidden fees and no membership fees.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Whether you want to lose weight, grow thicker, fuller hair, or find relief for anxiety, hers has you covered. Visit forhers.com happier to get a personalized affordable plan that gets you F O R h e r s.com happier forhers.com. happier weight loss by hers is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not approved or reviewed for safety, effectiveness or quality by the fda. Prescription required. See website for full details, important safety information and restrictions. Actual price depends on product and plan purchased. You know how much we love a travel hack. And if you've been keeping up with our podcast, you know we just revisited one of our favorite episodes where we shared our all time favorite travel tips. My favorite travel hack is to keep a travel toiletry kit stocked at all times. That way, rather than unpacking or repacking your toiletries every time you travel, you just keep a kit of all your travel size goodies in your closet year round. And that way packing is so much easier and you never forget anything important.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Another travel hack hosting your space on Airbnb when you're away. Yep, your place, just sitting there while you're off on vacation could actually be making you money. With Airbnb, you decide when to host, who stays and how much to charge. And Airbnb gives you support every step of the way. It is just the smart thing to do. And just think, with all that extra cash coming in, you can start saving toward your next weekend getaway. You might as well. You already have your toiletries packed. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how [e-mail] host okay, Gretch, we are back with demerits and gold stars and this is your week for a happiness demerit.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay. I mean, this is just a demerit that I should not have done. And yet I did it. Which is I drank caffeine too close to my bedtime. And then of course, I was as alert as an owl and I had only myself to blame. I always try to keep an eye on the clock and not drink caffeinated drinks in the afternoon. And I just, I don't know, I just for a couple days running I just ignored that like, oh, I guess caffeine doesn't really affect me anymore. Guess what? It does. It does. Caffeine still works on me. And I thought, oh, this is a demerit. And so then I switched back and now I am sleeping much more soundly. So lesson learned.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Good.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

You are such a sleep zealot. This surprises me. I wouldn't expect you to do this. Was it soda? Coffee? What was the culprit?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Both. So this is the thing. I think I'm such a sleep zealot. And I had done this so faithfully that I started to have this idea of, oh, it doesn't matter. You know how you can have that irrational thing, which is my results have been so consistent and so good, my efforts must be meaningless. And it's like, no, maybe it's because your efforts are working really well.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, that happens to me with my blood sugar numbers.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh, how so?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Just if I've been in a really good place for days on end, then I think I don't really have to pay attention. And then the minute I stop paying attention, they shoot up, and then I have to get back on track. And it's an ongoing theme, so I definitely understand what you're saying.

[Gretchen Rubin]

But maybe we're lucky that with these things there's immediate feedback. So you course correct very quickly because I think sometimes if you sort of don't realize that you're losing your benefits, you might not snap back into the good habits again. But, Elizabeth, take us up. What's your gold star?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Well, my gold star is very simple. I am giving a gold star to the fact that Project Runway is back. So I love Project Runway, the design competition show. It has come and gone a few times and it is back and I just love it. I love watching people design. I love watching the Runway show. Of course, I always love a reality competition, so I'm just happy it is back.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh, that's great. Yes. That is a super popular show. The resource for this week. If you are feeling the urge to tackle projects this fall, because fall is coming and September is the other new Year, it's the other January. I have created three tools to help you get things done. If you are trying to work on building a lasting habit. The Don't Break the Chain tracker helps you visualize your progress and maintain momentum if you are creatively stuck. The Muse Machine, my card deck of creative prompts will help you get going. It's 150 unexpected creative prompts. I love the Muse Machine. My favorite thing about the Muse Machine is the name. I love the name Muse Machine. And if you need clarity about yourself, the Know Yourself Better journal and I mentioned the three Know Yourself Better journals can help you discover who you truly are, not who you think you should be. So you can look at all of these things at the collection. If you go to happiercast.com and Elizabeth, what are we reading? What are you reading?

[Elizabeth Craft]

I am reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I'm reading Ongoingness, the end of a diary by Sarah Munguso. And that's it for this episode of Happier. Remember to try this at home. Beware the impulse to disengage Let us know if you tried it and if it worked for you.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Thanks to our executive producer, Chuck Reed and everyone at Lemonade.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And here is your rhyming reminder. This is a classic. I think this is my favorite rhyming reminder. If you like the show, tell others you know.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Until next week. I'm Elizabeth Craft.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I'm Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Gretch. Now that we've had our first themed retreat, I feel like everything is gonna be about themed retreats. It's just such a big idea.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, it's like the meditation, waiting in line meditation, drugstore meditation. You just automatically feel more elevated and spiritual. And I think making something to a retreat just makes it sound official and fun, which is a hard combination.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

From the Onward project. You know how much we love a travel hack. And if you've been keeping up with our podcast, you know we just revisited one of our favorite episodes where we shared our all time favorite travel tips. My favorite travel hack is to keep a travel toiletry kit stocked at all times times. That way rather than unpacking or repacking your toiletries every time you travel, you just keep a kit of all your travel size goodies in your closet year round. And that way, packing is so much easier and you never forget anything important.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Another travel hack hosting your space on Airbnb when you're away. Yep, your place just sitting there while you're off on vacation could actually be making you money. With Airbnb, you decide when to host, who stays and how much to charge.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Charge.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And Airbnb gives you support every step of the way. It is just the smart thing to do. And just think, with all that extra cash coming in, you can start saving toward your next weekend getaway. You might as well. You already have your toiletries packed. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how [e-mail] host.