Ep. 558: Have “One Big Thing” Holding You Back? Listeners Weigh In. Plus the Value of Making Space

Summary

Happier with Gretchen Rubin

Episode 558: Have “One Big Thing” Holding You Back? Listeners Weigh In. Plus the Value of Making Space
Release Date: October 29, 2025
Hosts: Gretchen Rubin & Elizabeth Craft

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Gretchen and Elizabeth dive into two core topics: the practical and psychological value of making space to put things away, and listener stories about tackling "one big thing" that's been holding them back. The show features personal anecdotes, actionable suggestions, and a range of heartfelt, listener-submitted experiences that highlight how facing a major challenge can lead to long-term happiness. The episode maintains the warm, candid, and motivational tone that fans expect from the Happier podcast.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listener Updates & Community Connections

• Migraine Medication Success:
  • [03:57] Elizabeth responds to a listener query about her husband's successful treatment of chronic migraines. She details that the medication, Ajovy (an at-home monthly injection), has been “life changing,” reducing Adam’s migraines from “many, many, many migraines every month…down to…fewer than two a month.”
• Friendship Organization:
  • [05:01] Gretchen shares a listener’s strategy for fighting loneliness: maintaining a “spreadsheet of friends” to keep track and proactively reach out. She addresses the seeming artificiality of it:
    • “Sometimes people think that friendships should be easy and spontaneous, but it takes time and energy and effort. And with a little bit of organization and planning, it can make it a lot easier to keep those bonds strong.”
• Book Challenge:
  • [06:15] A listener thanks the hosts for the “25 in 25” reading challenge, which reignited their passion for reading:
    • “This challenge has completely renewed my joy and passion for reading...I’ve already exceeded my original 25 book goal, currently at 37.”

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2. Try This at Home: Make Space to Put Things Away

[07:17 – 13:41]

• Gretchen’s Filing Problem:
  • Gretchen describes her overcrowded file boxes for her daughters’ school memorabilia. The takeaway: when you physically lack space, you’re less likely to put things away.
  • Solution: “What I need is more room. These file boxes are full.” She adds one for college years, making the system work again.
• Practical Examples:
  • Coat closet overwhelm: If the closet’s too full, nobody bothers to hang up coats.
  • Elizabeth adds, “You can clear out space or actually create new space,” such as by adding shelves or cabinets.
• Clutter Management Tips:
  • Gretchen advocates for starting with decluttering, then organizing.
  • Cluttered spaces make it harder to know or use what you have, often leading to overbuying:
    • “If a space is really crowded, it is a good cue to…make sense of whether you really want to keep everything that’s there.”
• Beware the "Dump Zones":
  • Basements, attics, or garages often become places to delay tough decisions.
    • “We just stick it in the basement...and then that stuff just grows and grows.”
• Creating Dedicated Spaces:
  • Elizabeth shares how adding a dining room cabinet for tableware “was life changing…Now I know that’s where the placemats are, that’s where candles are.”
• Caution on Organizational Gizmos:
  • Gretchen warns not to buy organizing furniture just to keep more stuff:
    • “Be honest with yourself about is this something you really, really want to keep?”

Memorable Quote:

“If you make space to put something away, you’re much more likely to put it away.”
— Gretchen Rubin [08:54]

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3. Happiness Hack: Mindful Duplication

[17:14 – 20:47]

• The Value of Duplicates:
  • Sometimes it pays to have more than one of essentials—if “mindfully chosen.”
• Podcasting Example:
  • Elizabeth: “You and I have been doing the podcast for 10 years…always carrying microphones back and forth to Kansas City. I finally said…I'm going to order a good microphone and send it to Kansas City and just keep it there.”
    • Gretchen follows with, “Why did this take us so long, Elizabeth? This should have been something we did year two.”
• Everyday Life:
  • Multiple chargers, multiple scissors: Keeping them in the right places is “very handy.”
• Listener/Family Inspiration:
  • Their mother found putting scissors in the library “thrilling”—she used them constantly afterward.
• Advice for Underbuyers:
  • Gretchen notes, “Are there places you can get duplicates? … Sometimes we resist these [solutions], but they really do make life easier.”

Memorable Quote:

“Pay attention. Are there places you can get duplicates?... In many cases, it’s these little things that really give us a boost.”
— Elizabeth Craft [20:38]

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4. Listener Stories: Tackling One Big Thing

[20:49 – 32:00]

A central segment where listeners share “one big thing” they conquered—actions that were difficult but transformative.

Academic Milestones:

• Susan: Finishing her dissertation with little guidance; motivated by envisioning graduation.
  • “I imagined myself in the ceremony wearing the robe with my mother, brother and kids there.” [21:46]
• Shauna: Overcoming procrastination by “starting with the end in mind” and mapping deadlines backward.
• Rachel: Achieving national board certification as a teacher; her advice: “Back map the thing. Envision the final product…and break it down, write it on the calendar.” [26:01]
• Marcy: Finishing a book, one early morning writing session at a time:
  • “Several years ago my mantra was joy in the process. And I really do love the process.” [28:23]

Personal & Emotional Turning Points:

• David: Rehoming his dog for its benefit:
  • “Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is admit you aren’t the best person for the job.” [22:59]
• Erica: Finally addressing decades-long anxiety through therapy and medication:
  • “The regret I have, which I hope others can learn from, is that I didn’t start medication 20 years ago when the suffering first started. You know what they say, the best time to start an SSRI is 20 years ago. The second best time is now.” [25:57]
• Jorge: Leaving the priesthood after 20 years to pursue happiness and authenticity.
  • “I guess the advice that got me through it was to not be afraid of being a beginner again.” [28:40]
• Lauren: Overcoming serious illness, earning a GED, then a master’s degree: persistence and determination.

Family & Relationship Decisions:

• Maya: Placing her son in a residential treatment center for addiction, prioritizing his life over his approval.
  • “Saving his life is more important than him liking me. Right now.” [29:03]
• CM: Choosing to rebuild, not end, a struggling marriage:
  • “The happiness I have now is proof that not all endings need to be endings.” [30:19]
• Keisha: Pressing charges against her brother for theft, leading to his recovery and improved relationship:
  • “He thanked me last month…He said I saved his life by not saving him. When you love someone, sometimes you have to let them fail.” [31:18]

Hosts’ Reflections:

• “I could read these all day long. I love hearing what people have accomplished with their one big thing.” — Gretchen [31:54]

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5. Special Segment: Bodily Autonomy and Storytelling (with Alice Ackerman)

[32:16 – 35:04]

• Gretchen underscores the limits of agency—how some life situations are beyond our control.
• Introduction to IPPF (International Planned Parenthood Federation) and guest Alice Ackerman.
• Alice’s Message:
  • “What connects all human beings is our bodies…Sexual and repetitive dignity is the foundation of a free life. It means having the power to make decisions about your body without fear, stigma or barriers.” [33:28]

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6. Demerits & Gold Stars

[35:04 – 38:07]

• Demerit (Elizabeth):
  • Neglecting responsibility of cleaning up after the family dogs; hopes public acknowledgment will spur her to change.
• Gold Star (Gretchen to Elizabeth):
  • Elizabeth’s experience with foot pain and shoe advice led Gretchen to try a new brand (Brooks), which solved her toe problem.
    • “My problem got solved because of your problem. So I wanted to give you a gold star. And I guess I should give a gold star to your podiatrist.” [38:00]

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7. Resources, Reading, and Closing

[38:07 – end]

• Release of the new “bingo book” which gamifies goals and habits.
• Recommended reading:
  • Elizabeth: They All Came to Barney’s by Gene Pressman
  • Gretchen: The White Stone by Esther Dewal
• Reminder: Try making space to put things away and share your experience.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you make space to put something away, you’re much more likely to put it away.”
  — Gretchen Rubin [08:54]
• “Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is admit you aren’t the best person for the job.”
  — David (Listener) [22:59]
• “You do daunting well. It was one of the best compliments I have ever received.”
  — Laura (Listener) [27:04]
• “The happiness I have now is proof that not all endings need to be endings.”
  — CM (Listener) [30:19]
• “He said I saved his life by not saving him. When you love someone, sometimes you have to let them fail.”
  — Keisha (Listener) [31:18]

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Important Timestamps

• Listener Updates: [03:57]
• Try This at Home - Make Space: [07:17]
• Happiness Hack - Get Duplicates: [17:14]
• One Big Thing Listener Stories: [20:49]
• IPPF Segment: [32:16]
• Demerits & Gold Stars: [35:04]
• Resources/Closing: [38:07]

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Tone & Style

The episode is warmly conversational, motivational, and solution-focused. Gretchen and Elizabeth continually highlight how practical changes (from decluttering to mental health support) can directly improve happiness, while also acknowledging that some of life’s biggest challenges require vulnerability, courage, and letting go of assumptions. Listener stories are honored with empathy and celebration.

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This summary covers all the key themes, advice, memorable anecdotes, and listener contributions from Happier with Gretchen Rubin, Episode 558—a must-listen for those seeking practical and inspiring ways to tackle both the small and big obstacles to happiness.

Transcript

[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

For instance, have you heard of the Primrose Friends? In every Primrose School classroom, teachers use these 12 lovable puppets to make character development joyful, meaningful and memorable. From exploring generosity with Benjamin the Bear to practicing honesty with Peanut the Pony, every friend plays a special part in helping children learn important values or while having plenty of fun along the way. We could all use some friends like that. You can learn [e-mail] now enrolling infants through children age 5. That's primroseschools.com for more information.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Lemonade.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Hello and welcome to Happy, a podcast that gives you ideas and strategies for building happier habits into your daily life. This week we'll talk about why you might want to make space to put things away. And we hear from listeners about the one big thing that they conquered. I'm Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits, human nature, secrets of adulthood. I am in Carpinteria, California, sitting in a hotel room, and joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft.

[Elizabeth Craft]

That's me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in la. And Gretch, I think you drove right past my house on the freeway. But I'm not gonna get to see you.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I know. It was so strange. I knew exactly where I was. I was a few minutes away. But alas, we were two ships passing in the night. But I'll see you soon. Yes, but before we jump in, we are going to do a gift guide in a future episode with lots of gift suggestions. So send us your ideas, your finds, what is on your wish list. We are going to put together a big list that is always so fun. And if you are struggling to come up with a perfect gift, don't forget that I have my gift quiz which will tell you your recipient's gift appreciation profile whether that person is an easy to please, a tried and true, an enthusiast or a connoisseur. And once you figure that out, it's a lot easier to figure out what kind of thing will make them happy. Go to GretchenRubin.com quiz and and take that quiz. It's super fun. And we got some updates from listeners.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, Anjou said. In one of the episodes of More Happier, Elizabeth speaks about a cure of migraines for her husband Adam. Can I know more details of this please? As a person suffering from migraines over a decade, I really need the answer. Would be happier to know the details. So what she's talking about is medicine called a jovy, which is spelled A J O V Y. It's an injection that my husband Adam takes once a month at home. He can do it to himself to prevent migraines and it has been life changing because he suffered from terrible migraines for decades. I mean many, many, many migraines every month. And now he's down to I would say fewer than two a month. So this medicine has been incredible for him and he has tried everything. He has tried all the medicines, he's tried the botox, he's tried it all and this has really worked for him.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh, it's such a miracle. It's just so wonderful that it fast he's got that under control. It's just extraordinary.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, great question.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Billy wrote. I just listened to the discussion you and Liz had about creating love lists and it reminded me of a similar tool I've created for myself, which may be of use to other listeners. Years ago I created a much less artfully named spreadsheet of friends. Maintaining a list of local friends helped me to remember to reach out to people, especially if I hadn't seen them in a while. It has also helped me to fight feelings of loneliness that can creep up when I face a weekend without any plans. I can always pull up my list and be reminded of someone to reach out to. In the same spreadsheet, I also maintain a list of out of 10 friends who I can consider visiting. And I also have a list of acquaintances, local folks who, with a bit more effort and planning, could become friends. Maintaining this list has made me feel a bit weird. Shouldn't friendship and caring come naturally without needing a spreadsheet? But adding this structure has made me a better friend to everyone involved and in the end, happier. Well, I think this is a great point, which is that sometimes people think that friendships should be easy and spontaneous, but it takes time and energy and effort. And with a little bit of organization and planning, it can make it a lot easier to keep those bonds strong. So love this spreadsheet of friends. I think that's hilarious.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Way to go Billie.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And then Jessica said, I absolutely love your show and I want to thank you for throwing down the 25 and 25 reading challenge this year. I've always loved to read, but in recent years years I haven't made it a priority. This challenge has completely renewed my joy and passion for reading. Along the way I've discovered that I'm a suspense slash thriller mystery nut, rekindled my enjoyment of short story collections, and even realized that autobiographies aren't so bad after all. You'll be happy to hear that I've already exceeded my original 25 book goal, currently at 37, and now I'm on a mission to see how many more I can squeeze in before 11:59pm on December 31st. I often add books you both mentioned to my to be read list and I truly appreciate the insights you share about books and about making life happier.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh that's so great. More reading for all. And wow, she's at 37 of a 25 book goal. She's really exceeding her goal. That is very impressive.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Crushing it.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. So this week our try this at home suggestion is to make space to put something away. And I was thinking about this because of something that came up in my life. So I've talked many times about how I have these file boxes where I have a file for each grade of Eliza and Eleanor's school year. So there's the kindergarten file, the first grade file, and in it I put things like a copy of their report card or Valentine's card for the year, their birthday invitation, some very characteristic work, their school photo, things like that, and I love this, because what do you do with the school photo? Well, I know exactly where to put it, and so it's very satisfying. But lately I had just had the stack growing, and I wasn't filing those things away. And I finally did what I always tell myself to do, which is to stop and identify the problem. What is the problem? Why am I not filing this stuff? It's because the boxes are so full, it was really, really hard to fit anything more into it. And so I thought, well, what I need is more room. These file boxes are full. So now I got another file box, and that's just for college years. So I'm gonna take stuff out of Eliza's so that there's more room in that box. And so it'll be Eliza and Eleanor's college years. So now I'm going to be able to go through and file all that stuff much more quickly. And same thing. Years ago, I realized that the reason that nobody was hanging up coats was that we had too many coats crammed into our coat closet. And it just took so much strength to jam a coat in there that everybody just left their coats draped all over the furniture. And so if you make space to put something away, you're much more likely to put it away.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Well, I can think of a couple of ways to do this, Gretchen. There's clearing out space. So that's like taking coats out of the coat closet to make space. Or you can actually create a new space with shelves or a cabinet or something like that.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, with the file box, I, like, literally created a new space to hold something. Well, I think that's really helpful. You can think about it in both ways. Now, I do think, and I wrote outer order inner calm. I'm a big person for clearing out and getting rid of clutter. I think you're always better off starting by saying, can I clear out a space? Do I have things that are taking up space that I don't need, that I don't use, that I don't love? Is there stuff here that I want to donate? Is there stuff that I want to toss or recycle? And it's clear that if a space is really crowded, it is a good cue to go through it and make sense of whether you really want to keep everything that's there, especially things like coat closets, clothes closets, medicine cabinets, places that tend to get jammed up. And another thing that can happen when the space is crowded is you may actually keep buying more and more of something that you already have because you don't realize that you have it. You don't know that you already have 15 rolls of paper towels, or you don't know that you have five jars of pickles, or you don't know that you have six hammers. Because since everything is so crowded and jammed together, and you just think, okay, well, I'll just buy more, because I don't realize what I already have. And so clearing out that space can be really helpful. And I think you also want to be really careful of dump places like an attic or a basement, because I think a lot of us have a place where rather than do the hard work of figuring out what to do with something, like, do we want to keep it? How would we donate it if we wanted to donate it? Do I know somebody who would want this thing? Should I email them? We just stick it in the basement or stick it in the attic or the garage or wherever, and then that stuff just grows and grows.

[Elizabeth Craft]

But there are times when creating a new space is so satisfying. Like in our dining room, we got this cabinet that has storage and looks nice as well. And now I know that's where the placemats are, that's where candles are. That's where napkins are. That's where napkin rings are. And so I always know where to find that stuff, whereas before, I feel like I was kind of stashing it wherever I could. So if it makes sense, it's really nice to have that new space, and.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That'S exactly where it belongs. Like, it makes perfect sense. Before, you didn't really have a logical place that it went. These are the things that we'll use in the dining room. Therefore, they are kept in the dining room. But I remember also. Didn't you do something with your garage? Do I remember that?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. So in our garage, I have to give Adam 100% of the credit for this. He put up big, solid metal shelves on one whole side of the garage that we then can put those big plastic bins on and labeled like, stuff for Christmas, stuff for Halloween, Jack's baby clothes. We want to save. That was life changing because that created a whole new space that wasn't being used because it was just the side of the garage. Of course, as happens over the years, that space is now cluttered and overgrown. We were just talking about that. We have to go back in and redo that.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I would be very happy to help you with that. That's exactly, exactly my favorite kind of thing. So this is the thing where it's a little bit tricky because on the one hand, it can be really helpful to get that cabinet or to put in those racks. On the other hand, I do think that a lot of us should be aware of buying furniture or organizing gizmos that allow us to cram in more stuff. Because sometimes you just accumulate things and hang onto things that in the end you really would be better off donating or tossing or whatever. So you have to really gaze within and be honest with yourself about is this something that you really, really want to keep? Like Christmas decorations? It's like we want the Christmas decorations, but we have to store them someplace because they're not being used most of the time. So that's very easy to know that you want to keep it. But then there's other stuff where you're just like, eh, I can't figure out what to do with it. I'll just stick it back there and deal with it later. And then 15 years go by for sure. But again, I have to mention, if this is something that is interesting, check out my book, Outer Inner Calm, because I have so many hacks about clutter clearing in there. It was so much fun to write because I just, I find that kind of thing so fun to think about.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, not everybody enjoys it the way you do, but it is always valuable. We appreciate you.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That's true. Well, let us know if you do try this at home and how making space to put things away works for you. What have you done to make space? Let us know on Instagram threads, TikTok, Facebook. Drop us an [e-mail] or as always, you can go to the show notes. It's happiercast.com 558 for everything related to this episode.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Coming up, we've got a happiness hack that makes life a little bit easier. But first, this break.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So we know a lot of you listening out there work in healthcare and wellness. So first of all, because you probably do not hear this enough, thank you. Second of all, if you don't already know about figs, it's time. Figs make super thoughtfully designed scrubs in high quality, innovative materials that are antimicrobial and wrinkle resistant, but still super soft and breathable. They're designed with the details of the job in mind. Whether it's a scrub top with a special stethoscope pocket or outerwear that's both lightweight and super warm because the office or hospital AC is never not on full blast.

[Elizabeth Craft]

They're also so cute. Figs come in a huge range of flattering styles made for every body type and elevated classic colors like black, gray and blue. But there's also always some fun new seasonal color drop happening. Figs are the scrubs, in other words. And if you're a healthcare professional or if you know someone who is right now, when you use the code FIGSRX, you get 15% off your first purchase. Just go to wearfigs.com and enter figsrx at checkout. These days life is busy, schedules are packed and taking care of yourself can feel like a full time job. But who has the time? Hers is here to support you on your weight loss journey. Hers is transforming women's healthcare by providing access to weight loss treatment plans for every budget. They connect you with a medical provider who will work with you to determine the best treatment option for you.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Whether you want to lose weight, grow thicker, fuller hair, or find relief for anxiety, hers has you covered. Visit forhers.com happier to get a personalized, affordable plan that gets you that's f o r h E-R-S.com happier forhers.com happier weight loss by hers is not available everywhere. Compounded drug products are not approved or evaluated for safety, effectiveness or quality by the fda. Prescription required. See website for full details, important safety information and restrictions. Actual price depends on product and plan purchased Now Elizabeth, you know that I am not a cook. Just the thought of cooking stresses me out. But fortunately there is a solution. Suvi is a smart countertop oven and a flexible meal delivery service. I have tried it and it only takes a few minutes to get a meal ready. And the coolest part is that the Suvi kitchen robot has built in refrigeration so I can set up dinner in the morning and Suvi will keep it cold until it's time to cook. I don't even have to be home in time to start it. And one thing that I love is that they have Keto friendly category. So there are so many options of keto friendly, which is what Jamie and I like and chef crafted meals are delivered right to our door.

[Elizabeth Craft]

The Sous Vide kitchen robot fits on the counter and has 15 cook modes including air fry and slow cook. You can use it to cook any recipe. Go to suvie.com happier to get 16 free meals when you order. That's S u v I e.com Happier. Save time, eat better with Suvie all right Gretch, we're back with this week's Happiness Hack.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, and I think that this is sort of companion to make space to put things away because this is kind of a Different take. Which is sometimes it's really valuable to get duplicates. Sometimes it really, if they are mindfully chosen, it can be very handy and make life much easier if you get a duplicate of something that you regularly use that maybe you arguably don't need. Absolutely. As a necessity to get a duplicate, but it's going to make your life a lot easier. And Elizabeth, you are the inspiration for this because you had a major insight into a duplicate that is going to be super useful and make the life of both of us easier. Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So you and I have been been doing the podcast for 10 years, and during that entire 10 years, we have both recorded many episodes in Kansas City because we go to Kansas City and we'll need to record when we're there. And this whole time, you and I both been carrying microphones back and forth to Kansas City. And I finally said, you know what, I'm going to order a good microphone and send it to Kansas City and just keep it there. Yes. So we now have a great yeti microphone in the guest room in Kansas City that we can use anytime we want to and we don't have to carry it back and forth.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And then I went ahead and got a ring light too, because I'm like, we are always recording from our parents apartment. Why did this take us so long, Elizabeth? This should have been something we did year two.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I think it's because we're both underbuyers, so we don't think about buying. Like, it didn't even occur to me to get a ring light. I brought a ring light with me, took it back. Didn't occur to me to leave a ring light there.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Maybe this is something special for underbuyers. Pay attention. Are there places you can get duplicates? I mean, a place where I finally figured this out is with chargers, phone chargers. Do you need a phone charger? Yes, you do. I remember a friend saying, like, she was carrying the one from home to work every day. And then finally she thought, wow, I could have one at home and one at work. And it's like you can have one that's in the kitchen and that just stays in the kitchen all the time. It's just funny how sometimes we resist these. And then I had this other thing that I do. And maybe this is also related to an underbuyer, or maybe it's related to always wanting to create outer order. But I had this habit of, if I had many examples of the same thing, if I already had duplicates, I would store them together. So for instance, I would keep all the scissors together in a drawer. And then finally I realized, well, actually it's much better to have scissors in a lot of different places. So that if I'm in a lot of different places, I can just easily get to a scissors without schlepping across the apartment to the collection of scissors. And so then I went around and mindfully put scissors in all the places that I thought that they would be useful. And it turns out that's a very handy thing to do. I did the same thing with scotch tape.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, funny you mentioned this because our mother just recently put some scissors in the library. All of the rest of her scissors, I think are in the kitchen. And she said since she put scissors in the library, she's used them like 20 times.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And so she was thrilled with her scissors in the library.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I remember, I think we got a suggestion from a listener. Maybe this was your suggestion a while back, Elizabeth, to put a trash can in your closet if you have a walk in closet. I don't have a walk in closet. I couldn't put a trash can in there. But if you do have a walk in closet, it is really handy to have a trash can in there.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. So get a duplicate if it's really going to make your life easier. And in many cases it's these little things that really give us a boost.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And it makes a difference.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes. Well, just the pressure of remembering. I always have like a million post it notes, Mike, Mike, Mike all over. And then I broke a mic one time. Same. We both have broken mic. See, there you go. That's how underbuyers. It's like you think you're saving money, but in the end you're not. We both broke a mic. Schlepping it back and forth anyway. Okay, and now we have a bunch of listener responses about the one big thing they tackled. In a previous episode, we talked about how sometimes to be happier we do the little things like buy the duplicates or clear out space. But sometimes we really need to tackle one big thing. Something that could be really scary or intimidating or unpleasant or hard. But once we tackle that one big thing, then we're so happy that we have accomplished it. And we heard from a lot of listeners about the one big things that they tackled and how much happier they became. Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

A couple of people talked about their dissertation.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Susan said I had to do my own research and write my dissertation with very little direction. That was my one big thing. I completed my Ph.D. by sheer determination. I kept my eyes on the prize. One thing that helped was watching the setup for the graduation ceremony take place on campus every spring. The tent and chairs. I imagined myself in the ceremony wearing the robe with my mother, brother and kids there.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So interesting. She's using her future self, thinking about her future self and really imagining the future. That's a great idea. And Shauna, with her dissertation, said, I was sitting at my desk procrastinating on one big thing, my dissertation, with multiple small things I had to do in process. My colleague walked in and asked when graduation was. May 5th. Okay, write that down, she said. When is the paper due in the dean's office? When are orals? When is the last chapter due? And on it went, starting with the end in mind, I backed it up and was able to progress on time. Had it not been for Dr. Judith Halley, I'd probably still be sitting there at my little brown desk staring at the computer screen. So that's a great suggestion. Work backwards from your endpoint and just do the math. Great idea.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, David said. I rehomed my dog after realizing I couldn't provide the stable environment she deserved. It was excruciating. I felt like I had failed her, but seeing her thrive with a family who had a big backyard and kids who adored her was a lesson in letting go with love. If someone is facing a similar decision, remember sometimes the kindest thing you can do is admit you aren't the best person for the job.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh, what a great reminder. That's so true, Erica said. Two of your recent episodes hit home episode 550 about the one big thing and episode 551 about questioning assumptions. My one big thing for over two decades of my life was my anxiety. I suffered from panic attacks and agoraphobia that at times were nearly debilitating and incredibly disruptive to my daily life. Instead of addressing the suffering head on, I always found ways to reshape my life to avoid the situations that gave me panic. This was just a band aid, since it meant I was avoiding many experiences that would have brought me a ton of happiness. I attempted to address my anxiety in my 20s by starting therapy. However, I resisted medication as I felt like I could muscle through the problem and figure it out on my own. My assumption was simply that medicine for my mental health meant I was weak. Finally, I faced my one big thing after the birth of my eldest son. The hormones, the sleep deprivation, the toll on my body, not to mention the immense pressure of keeping a tiny human alive, sent my anxiety soaring. Whereas previously my panic attacks were specific and situational. Now, I was living in a 247 cycle of panic. At two weeks postpartum, I contacted my doctor to get help. I started an intensive outpatient program for postpartum mental health. But the true game changer was starting medication for my anxiety. A few weeks into taking the medication, it was like a storm cloud lifted and I started feeling more and more normal again. I am so grateful for that experience as it finally pushed me to take on my one big thing. My eldest son is two and a half now, and I've continued caring for myself through weekly therapy and by staying on my anxiety medication. In that time, I have done so many things that would have terrified me in the past, but now have brought me so much joy. Traveling to different countries, interviewing for and then starting a new dream job, hosting an event for postpartum mental health, and best of all, birthing my second son. He's two months old now. My postpartum mental health has been so much better this time around, and I've been able to more fully enjoy my sweet boys. I know you talk about how we can learn from other people's regrets. The regret I have, which I hope others can learn from, is that I didn't start medication 20 years ago when the suffering first started. You know what they say, the best time to start an SSRI is 20 years ago. The second best time is now. At last. It took becoming a mother to finally mother myself. She questioned her assumptions. She took on the one big thing with such tremendous results. That's wonderful.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. I'm so glad Erica started that medication.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Rachel said I took on national board certification, which is a huge undertaking for teachers. I did achieve certification, and it was a huge challenge. And, yes, it made me happier. I loved the rhythm, routine, and flow I found in working through the portfolio components. The advice I give for someone struggling to take on their one big thing is back map the thing. Envision the final product, and then think through the steps to get there. Break it down, write it on the calendar. Calendar. Get it down on paper. Big dreams in your head are just that. Big dreams written down on paper can come to fruition through action. So that's similar to our person writing the dissertation. Gretch. Starting at the end.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah, I like this word. Back, map. Back map it, which is basically start at the end and then roll it backwards. That's great advice. Well, and here's advice from Holly. She says, my advice is, if your soul is calling you to do it, it, do it, even if you have to do it. Scared that's good advice.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Great advice. Laura says, I'm a clinical psychologist and the first time I was building a research project, I told my co investigator and mentor that the whole thing was just so daunting. Much later, when we were further on in the project, he said, you do daunting well. It was one of the best compliments I have ever received. That was probably 15 years ago and I still think about it when I take on something big.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So this is a great example of how sometimes not by just empty praise, but by really observing somebody's strengths and telling them like, oh, you do daunting well, that can be incredibly meaningful to someone. Sometimes just a comment that maybe you made pretty casually can make such a deep impression on someone. So I love that someone found just the right words to really give her that encouragement. Yes, Marcy said. For me, writing and revising a book is like this. Each time it seems impossible. I've always been a slow and steady wins the race kind of writer. I take it one five o' clock AM writing session at a time. Over time it really does add up. It doesn't seem like it each day, but I can see my progress if I look at it by month, by quarter, by year. Several years ago my mantra was joy in the process. And I really do love the process.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Us, of course, our dad always says enjoy the process.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And this is a good example of also to give yourself those TADA moments. Don't always just focus on the to do. Think about the tada. Look back and see how far you've come. Because a lot of times you can get a lot of encouragement from realizing how far you have come.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, Jorge said my one big thing was deciding to leave the priesthood. Twenty years in, I realized I was miserable. Walking away meant losing my community, my security, even my sense of self. But I got to build a life that finally felt like mine. I guess the advice that got me through it was to not be afraid of being a beginner again.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So again, it's this idea of do it even though you're scared. Yeah, Maya said. We're in the process of placing our teenage son in a residential treatment facility. He's been struggling with addiction and his therapist says he needs more help than we can give him at home. I tour the facility next week and I can barely breathe thinking about it. It he's angry at me, saying I'm abandoning him. My husband and I cry every night, but I keep telling myself saving his life is more important than him liking me. Right now. I don't know if this will make me happier, but I know I'll survive it because I have to. Well, that is really, really hard. That is a really hard one. Big thing. So yes, we're sending our best wishes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. CM said. I thought about divorce for years. We talked about it constantly. It would have been simpler, maybe even easier to away. Instead, my big thing was turning back toward my husband and saying I'm in this, let's actually fix it. We rebuilt slowly, painfully, went to couples therapy, individual therapy, etc and in the end we were able to get back to that place we'd forgotten existed after all these years. The happiness I have now is proof that not all endings need to be endings.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That's lovely.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Lauren said. I had to drop out of High School three weeks into ninth grade due to serious illness in 1990. It wasn't until I was 30 that I began to set things right. I went to night school while working and got my GED and then continued on to earn a master's degree with honors 10 years later. But during my final semester of grad school, I contracted hepatitis from something I ate and was hospitalized for the last several weeks of my degree. I was determined to finish what I started and I did stay the course.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Jenna said. I ended a six year relationship. It was super hard having tough conversations, finding a new place to live, moving, establishing new rhythms. It's been a year and I'm much more comfortable, authentic and content.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And finally, Keisha said, I pressed charges against my brother. He'd stolen our grandmother's jewelry, her life savings, things that could never be replaced. My whole family begged me not to.

[Elizabeth Craft]

He's sick.

[Gretchen Rubin]

He needs help, not jail. But enabling him was killing him slower. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is let someone face the consequences of their actions. He served eight months, got clean in prison. We write letters now. He thanked me last month. He said I saved his life by not saving him. When you love someone, sometimes you have to let them fail. Wow. That is a really, really hard thing to do. It's so wonderful to hear that it had such a good result.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Everybody has done such big things for their one big thing. Gretchen. It's inspiring.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I could read these all day long. I love hearing what people have accomplished with their one big thing.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And Gretchen Coming up, I give myself a dog related demerit to take a left turn. But first, this break.

[Gretchen Rubin]

On this podcast we talk about strategies and solutions for making our lives happier, healthier, more productive and more creative. And we usually focus on topics that are within our control habits we can make books we can read, rituals we can try. And these suggestions have a lot to do with agency. If we have the power to try and make our situation better, even a little bit, at least we have a game plan. But some things in life are simply out of our control. Sometimes we get sick. Sometimes our body fails us or gets in our way. Sometimes, unfortunately, we don't have the resources to change our circumstances, no matter how much we may want to. What happens then? Today, we're thrilled to share some stories from ippf, which stands for the International Planned Parenthood Federation. IPPF is the world's largest and most enduring network of national civil society organizations found for reproductive health rights and justice. Today you'll hear from Alice Ackerman, a young activist, educator, former social worker and former board member of IPPF, as she shares stories from around the world. They share a simple yet powerful idea that every body holds a story. And when we can control our own bodies, we control our own stories.

[Alice Ackerman]

What connects all human beings is our bodies. In our bodies, we can feel and see our joys, our fears, our resilience. I started to be an activist when I was 15 years old. And since then, every day when I wake up, I have only one goal. To build a world where every person can make their own choices about their bodies and their lives. In the US I can see that women's rights are under attack and the rights that that generations fought for or being rolled back. This is not an American issue. It's happening in so many countries all over the world. And this is why we really need to come together and show solidarity and support organizations like IPPF who are fighting for all women all around the world, for them to have access to their bodily autonomy. Sexual and repetitive dignity is the foundation of a free life. It means having the power to make decisions about your body without fear, stigma or barriers. And so how do we get there? We get there by standing up, speaking out and refusing to compromise on our rights. It's to build the perfect world for reproductive and sexual health where bodily autonomy is non negotiable. APPF created this campaign. Everybody holds a story because. Because it's a reminder that when we fight for sexual and reproductive healthcare, we are actually fighting for humanity itself. That every person deserves to live in a body that is safe, respected and free.

[Gretchen Rubin]

This discussion makes me reflect on the fact that there's a special power in being seen and accepted by another person. Sharing stories like this helps us to see each other across differences. Despite different countries, languages, cultures, religions, everybody holds a story visit ippf.org everybody to learn more. Okay, it's time for demerits and gold stars, and this is an even numbered episode, which means, Elizabeth, it's your turn to talk about a demerit.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. So, Gretchen, I am not proud of this. You know, we have two corgis, Nacho and Daisy, who we love. We let them out in the backyard a lot. And so there is a lot of dog poop in the backyard. And I used to be great about helping be one of the people picking it up and, you know, getting it into the trash. And I have completely just fallen off doing that for the last few months, and I'm not being a good citizen of the household.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, that's one of these things where maybe now that you've given yourself a demerit, that'll get you fired up to.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Re engage to get out there and do my part.

[Gretchen Rubin]

It's funny, because in New York City, like, we don't have the yard issue. You're just on the sidewalk. So it's very automatic. But I can see how it's a very different thing if you've got a backyard.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, you can let the days go by. All right, Gretchen, what is your gold star?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, I want to give you a gold star, and this is for advice that you took yourself. But as so often happens, it turned out to be really good advice for me, too. So I'd been having this weird but pretty significant pain in my toe, and I was waiting for it to go away, and it just wasn't going away. It didn't seem like it was caused by my shoe. It was the same shoes that I'd been wearing for a long time. And it wasn't like it hurt when I put my shoe on or rubbed against the shoe. But I remembered that you had had shoe pain, which you didn't connect to your shoes. But when you went to a podiatrist, the podiatrist said, no, no, you need different kind of shoe. And she recommended three different brands. So I thought, well, what the heck? I'm kind of due to get new running shoes anyway, and why don't I just see if by some miracle, this will solve my mysterious toe problem? And because you had told me what the brands were, it made it so much easier to go into a running store, because I tend to go into places like that, and I get overwhelmed by the choices, and I have decision fatigue, and I find it very, very stressful. But I walked in, and I knew that one of the brands you had said was Brooks And I saw some Brooks. I'm like, okay, I'll just try those on and get those. Those seem fine. And cut two. It worked. I don't know why those shoes all of a sudden started hurting my toe, but somehow they did. And getting a different pair of shoes and just made that pain go away. And so, yay, my problem got solved because of your problem. So I wanted to give you a gold star. And I guess I should give a gold star to your podiatrist because it turns out that's really good advice.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. Maybe you just wore out those old.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Shoes, you know, I don't know. But I don't even really care.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Problem solved.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Problem solved. Now the resource for this week. I am so excited about this. There is a new product on the shelves. It is the bingo book. This is because from time to time, we will offer sort of bingo. It turns everyday goals and tasks and habits into a game. Whether you know, it's organization or preparing for the holidays or getting creative. There's a lot of categories. So anyway, all of these bingos have been gathered into a bingo book. I think it's super fun. It would make a great holiday gift, of course, but it's also, if you're a rebel, you might enjoy it because it gamifies if you like a little bit of whimsy. I don't know. I just find the bingo format very, very pleasing. It makes it more fun to do these everyday tasks. There are more new products and you can see them [e-mail] New I do think this one is particularly fun.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. Might I add, it'd be a great prize at a game night.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh, it would be, yes. Particularly if you were actually playing bingo. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. That's true. It would be a great prize. So what are we reading? Elizabeth, what are you reading?

[Elizabeth Craft]

I am reading they All Came to Barney's by Gene Pressman.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I am reading the White Stone by Esther Dewal. And that's it for this episode of Happier. Remember to try this at home. Make space to put things away. Let us know if you tried it it and if it worked for you.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Thank you to our executive producer, Chuck Reed and everyone at Lemonada. If you haven't subscribed to Lemonada Premium yet, now is the perfect time. You can listen ad free. Just tap that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts or go to lemonadapremium.com and here's your rhyming reminder.

[Gretchen Rubin]

If you're a fan of the show, make sure your friends know. And that's true. Word of mouth is the best.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Until next week. I'm Elizabeth. Craig Craft.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And I'm Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Gretchen. Speaking of onward and upward, I see you're wearing your onward and upward shirt.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I am, yes. Good eye.

[Elizabeth Craft]

We've had that probably what, like 15? I guess not 15 years, but probably eight.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. Could be 10 from the onward project.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Hi, Gretchen. Craig Robinson and my little sister Michelle here. We host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson.

[Gretchen Rubin]

We know you're the queen of giving.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Advice, so we wanted to get a.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Few tips from you.

[Elizabeth Craft]

You know, Gretchen, a lot of our.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Listeners are going through some major life changes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of major life transitions?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you. Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective. So consider questions like this. What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me? Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me? If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would I choose? And here's a question. Would I like to have more time in solitude, restorative solitude, or would I like to have more time with friends? You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier. With greater self knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values. In my own case, I have found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the more grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition. For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. Wherever you get podcasts, you can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships, Keke Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success, Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents and so many more.