← Happier with Gretchen Rubin
Happier with Gretchen Rubin
Ep. 562: Do You Hesitate to Raise Your Hand to Make Something Happen? Plus a Medication Hack
00:29:22
Loading summary
Transcript126 lines
- [00:00]
Elizabeth Craft
Did you know that infants are ready to learn sign language, 2 year olds are ready to learn the basics of science, and 3 year olds are ready to learn coding. Your child is ready to learn. And at Primrose schools, teachers make the most of this time by creating a joyful, purposeful learning experience unlike any other.
- [00:19]
Gretchen Rubin
For instance, have you heard of the Primrose Friends? In every Primrose School classroom, teachers use these 12 lovable puppets to make character development joyful, meaningful and memorable. From exploring generosity with Benjamin the Bear to practicing honesty with Peanut the Pony, every friend plays a special part in helping children learn important values while having plenty of fun along the way. We can all use some friends like that. You can learn more@primroseschools.com now enrolling infants through children age 5. That's primroseschools.com for more information. Elizabeth, you know that this year I am hosting Thanksgiving for the second time. Huge bucket list for me. And one of the things that makes it easier to prepare for any kind of big gathering, whether it's Thanksgiving or friendsgiving or any kind of celebration, is knowing that you can go to one place that you know you're gonna get high standards and good prices. And this is why I love going to Whole Foods Market. I can look for the 365 brand and I know that I'm gon to get everything that I need and want for a good price with the quality that I can count on.
- [01:37]
Elizabeth Craft
Yeah, they have everything from low price quality turkey to pantry essentials. And Gretchen, I have to add frozen appetizers which are perfect for someone like me who is not a great cook. I love to get the quiche trio, their butterfly shrimp and breaded calamari. It's all so easy to prepare and so delicious. Enjoy. So many ways to save on your Thanksgiving spread at Whole Foods Market. Lemonada.
- [02:18]
Gretchen Rubin
Hello and welcome to Happier, a podcast that gives you strategies and tips for how to build happier habits into everyday life. This week we'll talk about why you should raise your hand and and why it's a good idea to suffer fools gladly. I'm Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits and human nature. I am away from my home office. I am in a pop up studio in Kansas City where I am visiting my parents. And joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. And Elizabeth, we wish you were here with us.
- [02:49]
Elizabeth Craft
That's me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in la. And Gretch, I see the guest room wallpaper behind you.
- [02:57]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes, exactly well, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who's getting ready to celebrate. And I am also excited to reveal that I am having a big Black Friday sale on my happiness boosting tools in the Happiness Project collection that is starting Friday, November 28th. I can't say exactly what it is yet, but it will be the biggest sale that has ever been done.
- [03:20]
Elizabeth Craft
Wow.
- [03:21]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah. You can stock up on tools that help you and also your gift recipients to stay organized, productive, and happier. You can go to happiercast.com blackfriday for everything related to that.
- [03:34]
Elizabeth Craft
Exciting. Yes.
- [03:36]
Gretchen Rubin
And this week, our try this at home suggestion is to raise your hand.
- [03:41]
Elizabeth Craft
And what does this mean exactly?
- [03:43]
Gretchen Rubin
Okay. By raise your hand, this is the idea that you have to accept that you have to put up your hand, that you have to say, yes, I'll do it, and that something is not gonna happen if you don't raise your hand and decide that you're gonna take the lead. And this, Elizabeth, is related to a whole series of things that we've been talking about, which is have people over, entertain, show up, gather, go to things, buy tickets. All these things are about stepping up, stepping forward, and saying, okay, it's gonna be me who does it.
- [04:18]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes. And you recently did this, Gretchen, in a major way, for which I gave you many gold stars.
- [04:24]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes, I did do this in a major way, and I will give myself a gold star because it was a big undertaking. So this was on my 25 for 25 list, which is a good example of how putting something on your 25 for 25 list helps you follow through, because if it's on the yearly list, you just keep getting that reminder. So I clerked on the Supreme Court for Justice o'. Connor. And the way that it works is that there will be reunions for people who clerk for the same justice. So I've been to several reunions of people who clerked for Justice o'. Connor. But the fact is, when you're actually doing the work of being a clerk, there's only a handful of people who clerk for that justice with you. There's either two or three others with you. Or if you're clerking for retired justice, maybe you're the only one. So for Justice Oconda, there were four of us who clerked together in the same year. But during that time, I worked with all the clerks from all the other chambers, and those were like my colleagues. Those were the people that I ate lunch with. Those are the people that I sent emails to. Those were the people who I saw in the hallways. Those were the People who were working for the other justices. And so it was a super intense experience, but there was nothing that would bring us together because our justice only has their own clerks. They're not interested in the clerks of other chambers. Right. So it occurred to me, well, really, the people that I want to see is the people that I clerked with. That group of people, you know, 30 some people. So I put up my hand and I just said, okay, I think I'm just gonna do it. And I had talked to a couple fellow clerks who were like, oh, that's really good idea. I would love it if you did it. I would come. So I had encouragement and I got emails from people, because, of course, one of the big things is getting people's emails. But that ended up not being as hard as I expected. That's good, because a lot of people also, you could email them through their work. You know, I could just Google them and say, okay, this person works here. I'll just email them for their work. And I had a list of everybody who had clerked, and so I did it.
- [06:22]
Elizabeth Craft
So, Gretchen, this was for a Weekend reunion in D.C. tell us what the steps were.
- [06:29]
Gretchen Rubin
Okay. Well, the first step was, well, where was it gonna be? So I thought, well, let's do it in Washington, D.C. because I know that everybody knows Washington, D.C. and has some connection to Washington, D.C. because we all live there at one point. And I thought it would be fun if we did something at the court. So I sent out an email to everybody saying, I'm considering planning this. There are two dates we're. Would you consider coming? And if you would consider coming, is either one of these dates better or worse for you? So a bunch of people emailed me, and there was a clear winner of dates. So then the question is, okay, what is it gonna be? And I thought, okay, it'll be a brunch and it'll be a dinner, and then maybe we could do some tour or something as kind of an activity in the middle of the day. So a friend of mine who was one of the clerks is the chief judge of one of the circuits. And so he arranged for us to have a tour of the court. There was an exhibit there that we could all go see. And then I just asked around, got some recommendations, contacted a place for brunch and a place for dinner, tried to keep it inexpensive and casual, and then emailed everybody back and said, okay, here's the brunch, here's the tour, here's the dinner. Let me know, are you coming? Would your spouse come. And it was funny. Everybody said, my spouse will come if other spouses come.
- [07:45]
Elizabeth Craft
Right.
- [07:45]
Gretchen Rubin
So I was like, well, that's a little bit of a chicken and egg problem. Jamie's gonna come. My husband's gonna come. So a lot of spouses did come. And I thought, well, originally I had thought it would be Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Then I realized that's too much. Just one day and sent it out and a lot of people came. They came from all over the country.
- [08:04]
Elizabeth Craft
That's so exciting. And then you were telling me that a lot of people Friday night, for instance, came in and would meet with their close friends, maybe who they clerked with, so they could kind of do their own thing. It wasn't all in the big group.
- [08:16]
Gretchen Rubin
Right. On Friday. And then on Sunday, too, there was. So you had opportunities to sort of do your own thing. Now, unfortunately, the shutdown happened, and so we weren't able to go on our tour, so we went on a tour of President Lincoln's cottage instead, which was very interesting. And a couple people couldn't come because their flights got canceled, which was really too bad. The timing was bad in that way. But nevertheless, a lot of people planned to come and did come, and it was super fun. It's kind of like your finale party. It's just a reason to get together with people. You all have something in common. It's just fun to show up.
- [08:54]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes. I recently went to a Survivor Fantasy League party, which the funny thing, Gretchen, is I thought the whole time it was a finale party. It turns out it was just an episode of Survivor.
- [09:05]
Gretchen Rubin
Oh.
- [09:05]
Elizabeth Craft
Which I realized that day. So there may also be a finale party. But yet gathering people together is so fun. We gave, all of us so many gold stars to this woman, Amanda, who planned the whole thing. She raised her hand the way you raised your hand.
- [09:22]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes.
- [09:23]
Elizabeth Craft
And I was glad to hear you got a lot of gold stars and credit. And I think that's kind of a side hack to this, which is if somebody else raises their hand for you and you get to go to something, make sure to give them credit and acknowledge what they've done, because that'll make them more likely to do it in the future.
- [09:41]
Gretchen Rubin
Well, and also be considerate. If they ask you to RSVP RSVP right away. If they ask you for specific information, answer that specific information. If you're supposed to, like, send somebody money to pay them back, please do that right away. I really appreciated people who made my job easier by just following instructions and doing it so that herding the Cats wasn't too hard. And when you're raising your hand, there's different kinds of groups that give you different kind of energy. So this group was a bunch of people who, when they were young, had a very intense experience. So this was almost like a college reunion where you just felt this deep intimacy with people who had just been in your life a very long time. And that's really one special kind of gathering. And then what you did was an interest related gathering where it's people who might not otherwise have much in common, or maybe they do have things in common that they didn't even realize, but they're brought together together by an interest that they have. Now that's a different kind of group and a different kind of energy. All are good. It might be what appeals to you, what's in your life that you can take advantage of. And I will say this, it really made me want to do something like this again. I really got energized from it because when you're thinking about it, you're like, oh my gosh, it's so much work. It's going to be all these tasks and I have to keep doing this and I can't let too much time go by. And it feels very onerous. But then at the end, first of all, I had the fun of the event itself, but then there is just this feeling of energizing reality. Like, I made this happen. It was cool.
- [11:12]
Elizabeth Craft
And I think a key to it, in terms of being willing to raise your hand, is to remember it doesn't mean you have to pay for the whole thing.
- [11:19]
Gretchen Rubin
No.
- [11:19]
Elizabeth Craft
You can raise your hand to organize, but not raise your hand to pay.
- [11:24]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes.
- [11:24]
Elizabeth Craft
Right. Which is a big thing.
- [11:26]
Gretchen Rubin
Which is a big thing. And what I said to people is, I will pay for it up front and then I'll divide up the cost and then I'll let you know what it is. And I said, I can't tell you what it is now, but I'm gonna try to keep the very reasonable. Because I couldn't figure it out until I knew how many people were gonna show up and all that kind of thing. But I made it very clear that I wasn't hosting this in terms of paying for everybody.
- [11:49]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes. So I do think that's a good reminder that there's hosting and then there's raising your hand to organize, two different things.
- [11:57]
Gretchen Rubin
And the fact is people appreciate it. It's a happiness booster for you, the person doing it, and it's a happiness booster for the person going. It can re Energize old relationships that can help people create new relationships. I know. Elizabeth, you were saying with your thing, you had the opportunity to talk shop. There were also Hollywood people like you. So, so many good things can come from it, but somebody's gotta raise their hand.
- [12:20]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes. I need to make that a goal of mine for 2026 to raise my hand.
- [12:25]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah, both of us to do it more because it's really worth doing. Well, let us know if you do try this at home and how raising your hand works for you. How have you raised your hand? What have you done? Do you have any tips for raising your hand? Maybe we can get a whole bunch of tips for this. How to make it easier, ideas for getting people together. It is so powerful. Let us know on Instagram threads, TikTok, Facebook. Drop us an email@podcastretchenrubin.com or as always, you can go to the show. Notes. This is happiercast.com562 for everything related to this episode.
- [12:56]
Elizabeth Craft
Coming up, we have a medication happiness hack. But first, this break. Gretch, you know that I take gift giving very seriously. And one gift that I love to give is Aura frames, which Aura frames are digital frames that have amazing quality. It's incredible. And two features that I particularly love from for gift giving with aura frames is that there's a gift box included so it looks really good and you can preload photos before it ships. So say you want to send this to a grandparent, for instance. You can already have photos on it and then you can just keep adding them forever and they always have something new to see. It's so great.
- [13:50]
Gretchen Rubin
For a limited time, visit auraframes.com and get $45 off Aura's best selling Carver mat frames and named number one by Wirecutter by using promo code Happier at checkout. That's a U R A frames.com promo code Happier. This exclusive Black Friday Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year. So order now before it ends, support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Elizabeth. Now that Eliza and Eleanor, our daughters, are out of the house, Jamie and I have less incentive to fix dinner. But fortunately, sous vide makes it much easier to make meals at home. Sous vide is a smart countertop oven and a flexible meal delivery service. It only takes a few minutes to get a meal ready, and the Sous Vide kitchen robot has built in refrigeration so we can set up dinner in the morning. And Suvie keeps it cold until it's time to cook. So neither one of us has to be home in time to start it.
- [14:49]
Elizabeth Craft
The Sous Vide kitchen robot fits on the counter and has 15 cook modes including air fry and slow cook. You use it to cook any recipe and Suvi offers 100 day risk free trial, so give it a try. Go to suvi.com happier to get 16 free meals when you order. That's S u v I e.com Happier. Save time. Eat better with Suvi the holidays are such a joyful time, but let's be honest, they can also be a lot. There's so much to cook, so much to clean, and unfortunately, so much food waste.
- [15:26]
Gretchen Rubin
You know, we're always thinking about the small things we can do that make an impact not just for our own happiness, but for the planet too. And that's why I'm such a big fan of my Mill food recycler. Mill is odorless and fully automated, eliminating all the pain points associated with old fashioned compost pails and smelly garbage cans. It makes keeping food out of the trash as easy as dropping it in. It can be hectic in my home or on the holidays, but Mill keeps me keeping my cool when I'm hosting. With all the food prep and guests arriving, I never have to stress about the trash. Plus it looks super cool and modern in my kitchen.
- [16:02]
Elizabeth Craft
Add mill to your wish list or gift one now get up to $200 off during their biggest sale of the season Thursday, November 20th through Monday, December 1st. Miss the sale, you can still get $75 off with code happy visit mill.com happy that's mill.com ha py are you a trailblazer? A risk taker? Someone with countless tales of epic adventure? Well, I'm not quite there yet, but I'm working on it. Even the boldest among us started small, daring themselves to reach greater goals each day. If you're looking to take on a challenge like that, the Defender is too. It's a vehicle built for those capable of great things. Whether you're charting new territory or just escaping the city for the weekend.
- [16:52]
Gretchen Rubin
The Defender engineered to meet challenges head on so you can explore with confidence. An icon reimagined designed for a new generation of explorers. Choose from the Defender 90, 110 or 130, seating up to eight adventurers with a tough, tested exterior, a modern and functional interior, and intelligent tech like 3D surround cameras and the PIVI Pro infotainment system. Every journey feels limitless because like you, the Defender is capable of great things. Build your Defender today @landroverusa.com.
- [17:26]
Elizabeth Craft
Okay, Gretch, we are back with this week's Happiness Hack. It has to do with medication.
- [17:31]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes. So I was talking to somebody who was telling me about this, and I realized what an amazingly good idea it was. So let's say there's somebody in your life, or maybe it's you, and you take a lot of medication. You wanna make a medication sheet, and that way, if somebody else needs to step in or help out or understand what the situation is, it's very, very clear. And then also, if you're doing something like filling a weekly pill case, you know exactly what to do. So here are some of the suggestions for making this really useful. First of all, when you're making this sheet, you want to note the date, because people's medications tend to change over time. And you want to make sure that you're always using the most recent one. So you want to put the date on it, and you want to change that date if you change anything on the list so that anybody looking at it, including you, knows that it's up to date. And this I would not have thought of, but when the person told me this, I realized what a good idea it was. If you can note what the medication is for, because often you don't remember what something's for. Is this for blood pressure? Is this a blood thinner? Is this for hay fever? Is this for anxiety? What is it for? And that way you kind of have a sense of what's being managed. And then finally, if you're doing it for somebody again, where if there's a lot of medicine, put morning and evening or whatever other time periods you have, what do you take in the morning? Let's say you take pill X twice a day, morning and evening. So instead of saying in the morning, take this twice a day, say, have a morning section and an evening section, and have take X in the morning, and then also in the evening, take X, it's just easier to process it. Because the thing about medication is it's really important to get it right, but it can get really confusing. And so having the sheet where it's just crystal clear and it's summarized on one page, you can be very certain that you're doing the right thing. If somebody else needs to come in and help you manage it, they know how to do it right. Let's say you have to go to the doctor or the hospital. You have everything right there. And obviously you want to say how much of something you want to take. Just having all that information in one place turns out to be really, really handy. It's one of those things that feels like kind of a pain to do it, but then once you have it, it's super helpful.
- [19:48]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes, I need to do this, Gretchen, because I take seven pills a day, so should I suddenly need help with organizing my pills or whatever. Yeah, this would be very useful. Also handy to have it typed out when you go to a new doctor. Any kind of doctor, even if it's an eye doctor, is asking, well, what pills do you take?
- [20:07]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes.
- [20:07]
Elizabeth Craft
And it would be very nice to just have this typed out. So it's a good idea for many reasons.
- [20:13]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah. And I'm sure people say, well, put it on your phone. But I think it's also good to have the physical piece of paper because other people can't look in your notes app.
- [20:20]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes. Physical piece of paper.
- [20:22]
Gretchen Rubin
If you're doing insurance and they're like, what medications do you take? It's just handy to have it all just summed up for a lot of reasons.
- [20:29]
Elizabeth Craft
Yeah, medication is wonderful, but it can be a hassle. And this definitely makes it easier.
- [20:34]
Gretchen Rubin
Absolutely. Okay. And here's a know yourself better question. Now, Elizabeth, this is something that's been occurring to me lately. Do you ever hear someone discussed or describe someone by saying that they don't suffer fools gladly?
- [20:49]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes, of course.
- [20:51]
Gretchen Rubin
I don't think that anybody would ever say of you, oh, Elizabeth doesn't suffer fools gladly. And I think that's a good thing.
- [20:58]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes, Gretch, Why?
- [20:59]
Gretchen Rubin
Okay. I think, and this is something that I've been noticing lately is that when someone says, oh, that person doesn't suffer fools gladly, what they mean is, I have noticed that that person is very impatient and has little tolerance for anyone that they perceive to be foolish or stupid or incompetent. It's used to describe people who. Someone who's very direct or blunt or demanding. It often is people who are kind of disdainful of other people that they don't respect. And what that means is that people are picking up that you don't have a lot of respect for other people. And. And that is not a good thing. But what I've noticed is the funny thing about the phrase is that it's often used as if it is positive.
- [21:46]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes.
- [21:47]
Gretchen Rubin
People will almost say with pride, well, you know me, I don't suffer fools gladly. Or you'll say, if somebody, well, my boss, he doesn't suffer fools gladly. But it's not a good thing in my observation.
- [21:57]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes, I couldn't agree more. I feel like it's A euphemism for saying somebody's a jerk. Right. If I hear that about somebody, my red flag meter goes up for sure.
- [22:08]
Gretchen Rubin
Well, see, this is good that you've realized this, because I had bought into the euphemism. Part of it was thinking like that there was sort of a positive aspect to it. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized, no, you're right, it's not a good sign. And I got curious about, like, well, where did this come from? And it's a phrase from the Bible, and the phrase is, for ye suffer fools gladly, seeing yourselves are wise. So that's where it comes from. But the way that it's used today, it's that you're giving this signal that you think a lot of people are fools and you don't put up with fools.
- [22:41]
Elizabeth Craft
Yeah, it's funny, Gretchen, because I'd love to know, for people who are described this way, what other behavior do they show? Like, I'm thinking of somebody who was often described this way. He also one time threw his salad at the wall because it had the wrong dressing on it. So what other behavior is this person exhibiting?
- [23:01]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah, but the thing is, anytime that's said, it's saying people are picking up on something in your attitude that means that you're disdainful.
- [23:12]
Elizabeth Craft
And you know what it is? It's used as a warning to others. It's like, just so you know, he doesn't suffer fools gladly or she doesn't suffer fools gladly. So know when you walk into that room what you might be in for without actually warning somebody because you don't want to be the person who's talked negatively about someone.
- [23:34]
Gretchen Rubin
Right, right, right, right. That's true. But, you know, I do see people who pride themselves on it. Absolutely no one likes to put up with people who do some things that make no sense or completely arbitrary or are wildly incompetent. That's true. But this is a sign, I think, of a lack of respect.
- [23:54]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes. It's different from being somebody who offers constructive criticism, for instance, or has high standards. Yes, they have high standards.
- [24:06]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah. If you said, okay, this boss really has high standards, that would be different from this boss doesn't suffer fools gladly.
- [24:12]
Elizabeth Craft
Agreed.
- [24:13]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah, agreed. Well, I'm very curious if people agree. This is just something that has occurred to me lately. And, Elizabeth, it sounds like it rings true with you, but I'd be curious. So, listeners, what have you observed in others or in yourself about suffering fools gladly? Because I think some people do pride themselves on it. So if you pride yourselves on it. How do you view this? I would like to hear a lot of perspectives on it. I think it's an interesting question.
- [24:37]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes. Okay, Gretch. Coming up, I give myself a social media demerit. But first, this break.
- [24:52]
Gretchen Rubin
You're ready for the holidays. The turkey's been going since this morning. The sides are perfectly seasoned. The out of towners have a bed, couch, or food on to crash on for the night. All that's left to take care of is your peace of mind. That's why ADT is here.
- [25:06]
Elizabeth Craft
With their professionally installed home security systems, you get protection that helps you feel safe. When every second Counts, count on ADT, visit ADT.com or call 1-800-ADT ASAP. When every second counts, count on ADT. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Gretchen, way back when I started my other podcast, Happier in Hollywood, you told me, elizabeth, start a website. And did I listen to you? Not for a long time. I do not want our listeners to do what I did. Start a website immediately when you have a business or something you're interested in, because it will only help you. And Squarespace is truly the perfect place to to do that.
- [25:56]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah, Squarespace is the all in one platform to build and grow your online presence. You know, whether you're starting a passion project, you're promoting your comedy or your podcast, or you're turning a side hustle into a business, Squarespace makes it easy to stand out online. And if you offer services or run events, Squarespace lets you book clients, send invoices, and get paid all in one place. Head to squarespace.com happy for a free trial and when you're ready to Launch, use offer code Happy to save 10 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Elizabeth, you know I love this time of year, but one thing I do not love is how short the days are. I feel like I'm always trying to cram so many things into a limited number of daylight hours. But one thing that's helping me really stay on top of my routine during this busy time is the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus. Powered by Peloton iq, the Peloton Cross Training Tread plus is Peloton's most elevated equipment yet, with features that help you plan, stay motivated, and achieve peak performance. You can let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push, and go. While Peloton handles the rest.
- [27:05]
Elizabeth Craft
Peloton IQ creates a personal workout roadmap with weekly recommended classes led by instructors who match your mood, vibe and personality. Go on a 45 minute run on the tread plus or do a five minute stretch routine off of it. With just one smooth spin of the swivel screen, it offers endless ways to train for a well rounded routine matter how busy you are. This is cross training reimagined. Let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push and go explore the new Peloton Cross training Tread plus@1peloton.com it's time for Black Friday.
- [27:42]
Gretchen Rubin
Dell Technologies biggest sale of the year. That's right, you'll find the lowest prices of the year on select Dell PCs like the Dell 16 plus with Intel Core Ultra processors and with built in advanced AI features, it's the PC that helps you do more faster. From smarter multitasking to extended battery life, these PCs get the busy work done so you can focus on what matters most to you.
- [28:08]
Elizabeth Craft
Plus earn Dell rewards and enjoy many other benefits like free shipping, expert support, price match guarantee and flexible financing options. They also have the biggest deals on accessories that pair perfectly with your Dell PC, improving the way you work, play and connect. Whether you just started holiday shopping or you're finishing up, these PCs and accessories make perfect gifts for everyone on your list. Shop now@dell.com deals and don't miss out on the best prices of the year. That's Dell.com deals.
- [28:46]
Gretchen Rubin
Okay, Elizabeth, it is time for demerits and gold stars and this week is an even numbered demerit, which means it's your turn to talk. Demerit. What is your demerit?
- [28:55]
Elizabeth Craft
Okay, so Gretchen, on my 25 for 25 list I had that I wanted to post on Instagram every week, whether it be something personal or about the podcast or work. And I've done the opposite. Instead of posting every week and being consistent, I've totally stopped posting on Instagram. I was thinking the other day, it's like it doesn't even exist. I don't even think about Instagram. I mean, yes, I still go and look and like things, but it never occurs to me to post something and this is not good.
- [29:30]
Gretchen Rubin
So as your happiness bully, you were doing it at one point, what do you think happened?
- [29:36]
Elizabeth Craft
I think maybe part of it is that it felt like in general maybe people aren't posting as much. So the bar to post seemed higher. I don't know if that's just my perception or if it's reality, it's actually true.
- [29:49]
Gretchen Rubin
So I think if I read the research correctly, 2022 marked the high point of people posting personal things on social media, but increasingly it's really professional content or Whatever. It's not people just doing personal posts or individual posts.
- [30:07]
Elizabeth Craft
So maybe I felt like there wasn't as much of a place for it because of that. And then also, and I'm sure this has a lot to do with it, Gretchen, Sarah and I started our substack last January. I was actually during the wildfires. Of course, that takes a lot of time and attention. So I put my attention there as opposed to Instagram or Facebook. Now I'm still very active. We have a Happier in Hollywood Facebook group, and I post there a lot and comment there all the time. So I'm doing that, but I'm just not posting on Instagram out of nowhere at all.
- [30:45]
Gretchen Rubin
Well, it's interesting because I think if you had mindfully said to yourself, well, I'm going to use my time and energy towards substack, because this is a new outlet and I'm going to do this instead. And so I'm just going to move it over to this new place. You wouldn't have this feeling of, oh, I let myself down. But instead you were like, oh, I wanted to be doing both. Which is just a great example of framing, because if you had framed it as, instead of A, I'm going to do B, you'd feel good because you've been 100% consistent on substack, but because you were like, I'm adding, and then you just couldn't keep it up, then you feel like, oh, you're letting yourself down.
- [31:23]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes, but I do want to keep it up because, for instance, I would like people on Instagram to see my substack.
- [31:30]
Gretchen Rubin
Right.
- [31:30]
Elizabeth Craft
To say, hey, check this out on substack this week. So I think it's the scheduling. You always say, you know, put something on the schedule if you want it to happen. I probably need to schedule it. One thing I really do need to decide, though, is am I going to put personal stuff like, hey, here I am at dinner, or not? And then if I am, I am, and if I'm not, I'm not. But instead, right now, I'm kind of in a limbo where I don't know what my intention is.
- [31:57]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes.
- [31:58]
Elizabeth Craft
And so I do nothing.
- [31:59]
Gretchen Rubin
Well, that's analysis paralysis, which is something that questioners. I often talk about it in relationship to questioners, but it's something that anybody can experience, which is because you're not sure what to do. You do nothing.
- [32:10]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes.
- [32:11]
Gretchen Rubin
Is this right? Is this wrong? And it's hard to know how to figure that out. And so you hope that. And this happens every once In a while where you'll run into somebody and they'll be like, this is what you should do and why, and you think, well, that's absolutely convincing. And then I'll start doing that. But usually it's not a deus ex machina situation.
- [32:30]
Elizabeth Craft
Even in who I follow, I have analysis paralysis. I'm like, is this just me following friends or people I really admire? Or is this me following everybody I know? Or I don't have my mind set, so maybe I just need to think it out and talk it out.
- [32:46]
Gretchen Rubin
Well, and you're also thinking about your algorithm. I know. And you're trying to curate what you see, and that adds a whole element to it too, which is how am I shaping my universe of content by what I'm picking? And so that feels complicated as well.
- [33:03]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes. Since we started talking about curating the algorithm, Gretchen, I feel like I keep seeing that pop up, you know, in different places. And I think 2026 is all about controlling your algorithm. It really is, like, so important, and I think everyone's gonna be talking about how important it is.
- [33:23]
Gretchen Rubin
Well, when I've been talking to people about how I feel like reading is having a moment, which I really feel like people really are returning to reading. A lot of times, what people say is, when you're picking a book, you're picking what you read. It's like the fun of going into a bookstore and browsing the shelves or giving you a book that they love and saying, oh, you have to read this. Or going to the library and choosing your stack. You have this feeling of, like, I'm reaching out for what I want and putting it in my brain myself. It's not something that's just being shoved in my face and catching my eye before I even really realize what's happening.
- [33:58]
Elizabeth Craft
Yeah. Although I will say that also happens with books through social media.
- [34:02]
Gretchen Rubin
But you don't read the whole book. You might see the COVID like, a recommendation of it. You don't have the experience of reading the book.
- [34:09]
Elizabeth Craft
Yes. And I also. The good thing about reading is it's an escape from the algorithm. You're not being inundated while reading. You're just reading that piece of material. You're not being inundated from every direction.
- [34:21]
Gretchen Rubin
Right.
- [34:21]
Elizabeth Craft
Having said all that, I still want to post on Instagram more.
- [34:24]
Gretchen Rubin
Well, there's a lot of advantages to it. It's a way to connect, for sure. It has good things and bad things. Like so many things in the world. It's neither all good nor all bad.
- [34:34]
Elizabeth Craft
Yep.
- [34:35]
Gretchen Rubin
All Right.
- [34:35]
Elizabeth Craft
Gretchen, what is your gold star this week?
- [34:38]
Gretchen Rubin
Okay, this is so concrete. And I've probably given this gold star before because it's something that's so important in my life, which is fingertip less gloves. Can I just say, I walk around all day long with fingertip less gloves and I always know when fall has come because that's when I pull out my fingertip less gloves and I just have really cold hands and cold feet. So that's why I love my electric foot warmer and that's why I love my fingertip less gloves. I have an extra pair that I keep in my backpack so that if I'm traveling and somehow I forget to bring them or I lose one out of my pocket, I am never without a pair because otherwise my hands are just miserably cold. And I just love these. They are something that every time I put them on, which is many times a day, because you have to take them off if you're like washing your hands or eating something with my fingers or whatever, every time I put them on, I'm like, oh, my gosh. I love fingertip less gloves. And I now know exactly what I want. I want them to be thin, but I want them to be warm. And they can't be itchy. Sometimes they come and they sort of have. What's that called? When like a pattern is woven into it. I don't like that. I like it when it's just smooth close to my skin and not raised. But they make me so happy.
- [35:52]
Elizabeth Craft
Well, I think you probably give this gold star every year, Gretchen, because I do think every year you're freshly grateful for your fingertip less gloves. Question. Do you have one of those rechargeable hand warmers?
- [36:05]
Gretchen Rubin
I do, and I like those too. And sometimes I will hold those or put those in my pocket. But the problem with that is that you have to hold it right. And so you can't be typing, can't be writing. Yeah, you can't be writing. And so it's great to warm up my hands and I will do it if my hand gets really cold and I can't get it warmed up again. But what I like about fingertip gloves is I can be typing, I can be drinking a mug of coffee, I can be walking the dogs. It's just a little bit of insulation on them. It's kind of like my Uniqlo vest, which I wear all the time too, which I'll probably give a gold star to. That. It's just a layer of warmth that for me just makes my everyday life more comfortable because I'm just always hovering on the edge of being uncomfortably cold. So just having something that's light and doesn't get in my way and yet just gives me a little bit of layer of warmth that's very serviceable is really, really important. Yes.
- [36:59]
Elizabeth Craft
Good to know what those little nagging things are. And then you can solve the problem.
- [37:03]
Gretchen Rubin
Exactly. Identify the problem, and then you can solve it. The resource for this week. Okay, so I put together a gift guide to shopping for people that you barely know. And you don't want to just give them a candle, which is. I mean, we all love a candle, but sometimes you want to bring a little bit more originality to the situation. This guide has a lot of thoughtful, easy, very safe ideas for people who are maybe trickier on your list. And since Black Friday is coming up, it's the perfect time to check it out. It's one of the five new guides that I put together, plus a set of tools to help you figure out exactly what your recipient will appreciate most. This is super fun. You can find all of it@happiercast.com giftgiving one of the things is the gift appreciation guide, which I still think is. It's such a fun quiz to take. It's a quiz you take for figuring out what kind of gift people want. You know, Elizabeth, I love a quiz.
- [37:56]
Elizabeth Craft
And I love taking a quiz.
- [37:58]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah. And I love a gift guide. And what are we reading? Elizabeth, what are you reading?
- [38:02]
Elizabeth Craft
I am catching up on War and Peace.
- [38:04]
Gretchen Rubin
We are closing in, Elizabeth.
- [38:06]
Elizabeth Craft
We are. We're almost there.
- [38:08]
Gretchen Rubin
We're getting close. And I am reading Rules for Visiting by Jessica Frances Cain. And that's it for this episode of Happier. Remember to try this at home. Raise your hand, let us know if you tried it and if it worked for you.
- [38:23]
Elizabeth Craft
Thank you to our executive producer Chuck Reed and everyone at Lemonada. If you haven't subscribed to Lemonada Premium yet, now is the perfect time. Just tap that subscribe button on Apple Podcast or go to lemonadapremium.com and if.
- [38:37]
Gretchen Rubin
You like the show, tell others. You know, that's maybe my favorite rhyming reminder.
- [38:42]
Elizabeth Craft
Until next week. I'm Elizabeth Craft.
- [38:44]
Gretchen Rubin
And I'm Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward. So, Elizabeth, I'm so happy that you had the brilliant idea that was brilliant and yet so obvious, which is, let's just have a microphone and a ring light and a pop filter here in Kansas City. We don't move it back and forth. We just have it here. When we need it.
- [39:14]
Elizabeth Craft
It's so great. Now the next question is going to be will mom let us leave the setup in what we find to be the best spot?
- [39:22]
Gretchen Rubin
I doubt it. She likes everything put away nicely. It doesn't take that long to get.
- [39:27]
Elizabeth Craft
It all out though it is great.
- [39:33]
Gretchen Rubin
From the onward Project.
- [39:38]
Elizabeth Craft
Hi Gretchen, Craig Robinson and my little sister Michelle here. We host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. We know you're the queen of giving advice, so we wanted to get a few tips from you. You know Gretchen, a lot of our.
- [39:54]
Gretchen Rubin
Listeners are going through some major life changes.
- [39:58]
Elizabeth Craft
What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of midst of major life transitions?
- [40:05]
Gretchen Rubin
Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you. Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective. So consider questions like this. What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me? Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me? If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would I choose? And here's a question. Would I like to have more time in solitude, restorative solitude, or would I like to have more time with friends? You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier. With greater self knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values. In my own case, I have found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the more grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition. For more great advice, search for I Am O with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. Wherever your get podcast, you can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships, Kiki Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success, Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents and so many more.