Elizabeth Craft (2:48)

That's me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in Los Angeles. And yes, Gretch, I'm coming live from your family room.

Gretchen Rubin (2:56)

Yes, yes. It's always so fun when we're like, in different parts of the same place.

Elizabeth Craft (3:00)

Yes, Gretch, before we jump in, we wanna tell everybody we're gonna do an ask us anything episode for our Very Special Episode 580. So send your questions. You can ask anything. So those are always some of my favorite episodes.

Gretchen Rubin (3:17)

Yeah. And we haven't done an ask us anything episode in a really, really long time. So this'll be fun.

Elizabeth Craft (3:21)

Yeah.

Gretchen Rubin (3:22)

And then before we jump in, we got a few updates. This one comes from Shelby. She writes, my name is Shelby and I' grief coach living in Chicago. Thirteen years ago, my mom died from breast cancer on the day after Christmas. She was a big fan of see a penny, pick it up. All day long, you'll have good luck. So every time I find a penny or another coin on the ground, I think of her and pick it up. I have a special jar in my office where I put all the coins I find throughout the year. Then when her death anniversary arrives on December 26, I take the jar to my local coin star, dump out all the coins and redeem the coins for a gift card to a store we shopped from when I was growing up. This could be clear clothes or makeup as we loved going shopping together. This is a grief inspired tradition that I call shopping with mom and it helps me continue to feel connected to her even in her death. I hope this inspires your listeners to declutter with the intention and honoring of a loved one. Well, I love this combination and what a lovely way to remember her mother.

Elizabeth Craft (4:23)

It's such a good idea, Gretch. And then a few listeners responded to our discussion of reframing the sound of sirens.

Gretchen Rubin (4:30)

Mm.

Elizabeth Craft (4:31)

Ashley said, just a note to say how much the siren story resonates with me. Ever since I was a child, due to an emergency situation with my dad, sirens and rescue helicopters have been a source of such anxiety. Worrying about people's well being and wanting to know what happened. Today, when you noted that one might consider looking at sirens as help is on the way, I smiled and felt lighter at the thought. I pictured the words in my mind and immediately Heard the moment from Mrs. Doubtfire. Help is on the way, dear. I am going to do my best to hear these words every time I hear a siren or see life flight now.

Gretchen Rubin (5:08)

So nice. And then also about sirens. Melanie wrote, I'm not sure when I started doing this, but I use the sound of sirens as a sort of memento mori practice. As in I hear the siren and I am grateful that it is not coming for me. I know there are days of suffering and death for me and my loved ones in the future. I mean this not in a morbid or cynical way, but just a fact of life. And when I hear the sirens, I take a moment to be grateful that ah and everyone I love, as far as I know, are for the moment safe and sound. I offer up a little good luck for the person the siren is blaring for. Then I do my best to get on with my life's work while I still have the chance before, as John Donne might say, the siren calls for me. So that's another way to interpret the sound of sirens. So interesting.

Elizabeth Craft (5:54)

Yes.

Gretchen Rubin (5:55)

So this week our try this at home suggestion is to take a self knowledge quiz or take several.

Elizabeth Craft (6:01)

Yes, you and I love self knowledge quizzes, Gretch.

Gretchen Rubin (6:04)

Yes. And there's many. And I think that the value of doing them is it's hard to know ourselves. Like you would think I just hang out with myself all day long, like how hard can it be? But it's really hard to know ourselves, which is why we have a segment called Know yourself Better, because it's something that you really have to work on. You can't just look in the mirror and figure it out. And I think that a good way sometimes to get a really big insight is to take a self knowledge quiz. And so here are several. And I think, you know, they all have sort of a different focus, they have a different vocabulary. I think different people will will find different ones more and less helpful. So I think it's worth taking several to see if one really unlocks something for you. Some of these are research based, meaning there's been a lot of scientific study that validates them. Some of these are more observation based, like I would say the four tendencies. I just observed this and many people find it rings true. I don't make any claims for it other than that. And that's kind of like the five love languages. This is a guy who's like, I've talked to couples for 30 years and I've noticed this pattern. And so it's observation based. And Then some claim to be a little bit more scientifically based or research based. And then the researchers are like, eh, not so much. So I think all of these can be helpful to some people. You might just want to. If it's really important to know how validated they are, you might want to make sure that you do a little investigation, because some of these are more validated than others. Yeah.

Elizabeth Craft (7:32)

So, Gretch, start out with tell us which one is your favorite.

Gretchen Rubin (7:35)

Okay. My favorite. And Elizabeth, you and I have talked about this a lot is the values bridge. Now, in disclosure, I am from friends with the person who created this, Susie Welch. I think this is an amazing tool. It tells you your values in order, which are your high values, moderate and low. It tells you whether your life is a reflection of your values. So, like, are you living up to this value in your life, or do you need to bring it into your life more or maybe even bring it into your life less? I just find that I just see human nature so much more clearly. My own nature, other people's nature. Sometimes I'll be reading a novel and I'll think about a character like, oh, I bet that person got family centrism as their top one of their top five values. Like, I find it to be really useful.

Elizabeth Craft (8:19)

Yeah. And what I love about that quiz, and the minute I took it and got my results, I set about trying to get everybody I know to take it, because it's so interesting, is that she doesn't judge the values.

Gretchen Rubin (8:32)

Right.

Elizabeth Craft (8:32)

It's not like, oh, is a kindness important to you? Is compassion important to you? It's things like, are you work centric? Are you family centric? Is being well known important to you?

Gretchen Rubin (8:43)

Yes.

Elizabeth Craft (8:43)

And she doesn't judge those values. It's just that's who you are. And I find it fascinating.

Gretchen Rubin (8:49)

Well, and one of the things that was funny, Elizabeth, when you and I took it, is we have exactly the same top values. They're not in exactly the same order, but of course we get along really well. Not only are we sisters, we see the world in just the same way. Yes. So of course that. And then I feel like in my marriage, like, understanding how Jamie and I are alike and then also where we're a little bit different. I just found this to be really revealing. And, yeah, I keep telling everybody I know to take it because I think it's really, really helpful.

Elizabeth Craft (9:15)

Yeah.

Gretchen Rubin (9:16)

And then, of course, I have to mention my four tendencies framework. Okay, I made this up. But I think this is a really good quiz. I mean, it Just really works. Yes.

Elizabeth Craft (9:26)

And it's all about how you deal with expectations, inner and outer. And Gretchen, you should explain what they are. I'm sure many of our listeners have taken the quiz, but we know, like, doctors who use the four tendencies to try to help patients, teachers who use it in, you know, with students, to, like, get through to a student. It is very valuable.

Gretchen Rubin (9:49)

Well, and the thing that's different about my quiz is that it's looking at something very narrow. Most of these quizzes are trying to sort of explain your whole personality. And I think that's sometimes where they get a little bit fuzzy because they're trying to sort of give a total picture of you. This is a very narrow aspect of your nature. It's just, how do you respond to inner and outer expectations? But it turns out this is a very significant aspect of your nature. But that's all. It's seek. And so, like, it doesn't tell you how creative you are or how outgoing you are or how considerate you are. All those things are outside of what my framework describes. If you just go to gretchenrubin.com quiz you can take that quiz. Yeah, in my vanity, I'm like, I think my quiz is pretty predictive. Okay, now another one. And this is, if you really like, a scientifically validated one. It's called the big five. And in sort of academic psychology, where they try to organize personality, what they say is the way to describe personality is according to five broad dimensions. They make them mnemonic. Ocean, O, C, E, A, N, openness to experience, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. So this is something that's very scientifically validated. The thing about all these quizzes is they use words in a little bit of a different way. Like, you kind of have to read into what do they mean by extroversion. It might not be what you think is extroversion. But here's the thing about this quiz. One of the things when I was studying habits that puzzled me was if you look at ocean and you look at conscientiousness, like, I score really high in conscientiousness, and some people score very low in conscientiousness. But what puzzled me was the people who sometimes were extremely conscientious, but then at other times were extremely unconscientious. And to me, this didn't make sense because I'm like, how do you explain conscientiousness that way? Like, that's kind of not how conscientiousness works. How do you explain that? It's like, how do you explain that with obligers?

Elizabeth Craft (11:46)

I was gonna say they readily meet

Gretchen Rubin (11:48)

outer expectations, but they struggle to meet inner expectations. So it was really like me taking issue with the Big Five. That was part of what led me to the four tendencies. But I've never talked to an expert in the big Five to sort of argue my case. But anyway, that was part of what was in my mind.

Elizabeth Craft (12:03)

Extroversion is what I got on the Big Five, but also with a dose of neuroticism, which is not surprising to anybody close to. To me.

Gretchen Rubin (12:11)

Interesting. Now, here's one where it's extremely popular. I know people who have said this, revealed all for me, like, my daughter Eliza was like, oh, my gosh, this was such a revelation to me. I understand myself so, so much better. It's the Enneagram. Now, the Enneagram is one of these ones where it's kind of like, how validated is it? I don't know. So it's kind of like the proof is in the pudding for you with the Enneagram. And if you find it to be extremely useful, then it's extremely useful for you. It divides people into nine personality types divided by, like, core fear, core desire, and predictable patterns under stress. Here's the thing that I would say about the Enneagram that's interesting. So all of these, like, have online quizzes, and you can just poke around and take an online quiz. A lot of times you get a few results if you take it for free. But if you want to get all the results, you have to pay for it. The thing about the Enneagram is even people who know a lot about the Enneagram say, don't take a quiz that the quizzes. None of the quizzes are very. Give people results that they feel like ring true. They're like, everybody I've talked to has said, read all the descriptions, especially the negative part of the description. The kind of. When they talk about the downsides and the dark sides and, like, the negative ways that it can come out and see which one rings true for you. And that's probably the way you're gonna get the most accurate result. And I have to say, when I read it, I was like, one jumped out at me right away. I'm absolutely a three. I think anybody who knows me would say that I was a three. And it did feel very obvious. And when Eliza took it, she was like, oh, I know what I am. So I think in this case, sometimes with self knowledge Quizzes, it's very dangerous because you might want to present yourself the way you think you ought to be or you want to answer the way you think you're supposed to. But for some reason with the Enneagram, I feel like people are pretty good at self diagnosing. What do you think, Elizabeth?

Elizabeth Craft (14:02)

Yeah, I agree. And I am a six with a seven wing, which is like the loyalist with the buddy wing, which you can just hear those. And that sounds very me, doesn't it? Loyalist with the buddy wing. And to the negative part of it is having self doubt is a negative trait and that is very me. I have a lot of self doubt.

Gretchen Rubin (14:22)

Yeah. And I think sometimes it's just helpful to sort of read through it and see what rings true for you.

Elizabeth Craft (14:27)

And Gretchen, can I also mention a lot of writers use the Enneagram when they're creating characters because they are layers, the descriptions. So it can give a lot of layers to a character to land on what you think they are on the Enneagram.

Gretchen Rubin (14:41)

Well, and this goes to my point about sometimes they're observation based, which means that there's something about them that rings true to our perception of the world that feels very real. And then there's other ones. There's Clutterbug, which a lot of people like, which is like what kind of clutter type are you? A lot of people like Myers Briggs, of course, Myers Briggs is one where the researchers often say, eh, it's not very reliable. If you take it multiple times, you tend to get different answers. But then I know many very smart people in touch with themselves who say that Myers Briggs was super helpful to them. There's Values in action, the five Love Languages, which is again very specific. How do you receive love? But it's very narrow. But a lot of people find it helpful. What do you think, Elizabeth? I do feel like with each of these I do get a layer of self knowledge or sometimes I'll get an insight that I felt like might have been hard for me to get in a different way.

Elizabeth Craft (15:34)

Yes. And almost more important than that getting an insight into somebody else. I mean I think a lot of times that's the practical value of like if you know your partner's love languages, acts of service, that really gives you insight into how to make them feel loved. Or if you know like you and I are both words of affirmation. And for some reason people who aren't words of affirmation feel very fake doing words of affirmation. So it's like a whole thing. But the More you understand, the less it can bother you or the more loving you can be. Same with the four tendencies. The more you understand how you do habits, the better you can be and the more you can understand those around you. So I think they're equally valuable for

Gretchen Rubin (16:24)

that and they allow you to show compassion toward yourself and compassion for other people. That's the thing about conscientiousness. I was like, well now I understand why some things that are easy for me might be hard for somebody else.

Elizabeth Craft (16:34)

It helps us not take things personally. Like the way someone's behaving likely has nothing to do with us and it's just their nature. And that is what it is. And if you understand that, depersonalize it. You don't get so upset.

Gretchen Rubin (16:48)

I can imagine with the loyalists, like if somebody broke a promise or revealed a secret, you might take it so, so, so deep. Somebody else might not. And then you would think, how could you possibly have transgressed in this way? But to somebody else it doesn't seem as important because their values are different. Well, let us know if you do try these self knowledge quizzes. Whether you did feel like it gave you insight into yourself, whether you think one of them was not helpful. Are there ones that we don't know about that you have found useful? I think that we just can't get enough self knowledge and this is one of these kind of of it's kind of a fun way to get a little glimpse into yourself.

Elizabeth Craft (17:27)

Yes, takes me back to Seventeen magazine and Sassy magazine when we used to do self knowledge quizzes all the time.

Gretchen Rubin (17:34)

No, I mean that's like my habits for happiness quiz. And what's your most neglected sense quiz? I'm like there's just something really exciting about taking a quiz, even about something like or what's your gift receiving type. Any little glimpse into ourselves is exciting. So let us know on Instagram threads, TikTok, Facebook. Drop us an email@podcastretchenrubin.com or as always you can go to the show notes is happiercast.com 577 and hey, I am not going to put links to these because these things tend to change all the time and I don't want to have a lot of dead information. But if you just poke around you will see many links to these quizzes online.

Elizabeth Craft (18:09)

Coming up, we've got a happiness hack that will keep you warm at night. But first, this break. Spring always makes me want to refresh my space a little. Not a full redesign, just those upgrades that make your home work better. That's why I have been browsing, not surprisingly. Gretchen Wayfair Wayfair makes it easy to find exactly what fits your style, whether it's furniture, decor, organization, solutions or outdoor pieces for warmer weather. I love how you can filter by style, price and reviews so you can quickly narrow down what actually works for your space. Gretchen it's getting to be weather where we want to sit outside. I got some little tables for outside to rest a drink on and they are perfect. I love Wayfair and what makes Wayfair

Gretchen Rubin (19:04)

stand out is how seamless the whole process is. There are thousands of five star reviews so you can shop with confidence and there are installation and assembly services available. If you want the setup to be even easier, find furniture, decor and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y-F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every Home Tax season

Elizabeth Craft (19:31)

is one of those moments when you finally look at your entire financial picture. Your income, your spending, your savings all in one place. And it can make you realize you want to be more intentional about where your money actually goes. Simplify your finances with Mono Monarch is the all in one personal finance tool designed to make your life easier. It brings your entire financial life, budgeting, accounts and investments, net worth and future planning together in one dashboard on your phone or laptop. Feel aware and in control of your finances this tax season and get 50% off your Monarch subscription with Code Happy.

Gretchen Rubin (20:09)

What I like is that Monarch helps you move from just tracking money to actually planning what you want it to do. You can see budget, savings goals, debt, payoff timelines, and your net worth all in one place, which makes it easier to stay focused on real milestones. Achieve your financial goals for good with Monarch, the all in one tool that makes money management simple. Use code happy@monarch.com for half off your first year. That's 50% off@monarch.com code happy it's time

Elizabeth Craft (20:38)

to take care of you. Who better to help you do that than the top voices and well being on audible. You can level up your parenting, career, finances, sleep, relationships or mindset. Gretchen, you know how much I love audiobooks. I am the biggest audiobook fan. Recently I listened to the book We Might Just Make It After All, My Best Friendship with Kate Spade by Elise Ahrens, which I found so inspiring in terms of building my career with Sarah. You know I love a book about business.

Gretchen Rubin (21:12)

You can hear the latest from bestselling authors Brene Brown and Jay Shetty Master Nutrition with chef Jamie Oliver. Hear nature sleep sounds from the sleeping world or get on top of your finances with Rachel Rogers. Kickstart your well being journey with your first audiobook. Free when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.com Happier membership is $14.95 a month. After 30 days, cancel anytime. Audible. There's more to imagine when you listen and now for a happiness hack I talked so much about my heated throw blanket Elizabeth I gave you a heated throw blanket cause they're so delightful. But it turns out there's another way to stay warm. I cannot get enough. Two listeners wrote to make sure we knew about this device.

Elizabeth Craft (21:57)

Yes, Emmy said. I'm so glad you discovered the joys of modern electric blankets. Let me introduce you to the joys of an electric mattress pad. Queen and king size have dual controls so you can turn on your side at a high level and a bed partner can keep theirs off or at a lower level. They have automatic shutoff and are perfect for keeping warm in bed at night. You can even pre warm your bed before you get in at night. Pure luxury and for well under $100

Gretchen Rubin (22:25)

like getting into a warm bed. That just sounds amazing. Stacy said. I got for myself an electric heated mattress pad recently and I also got one from my mother in law after I found out that she was getting up in the middle of the night, turning on her house heater, throwing a blanket around herself and standing over the heat register until she was warm enough for her arthritis to stop hurting. I think it's a lot safer for her to just stay in bed and turn up the electric mattress pad. You don't really feel the wires unless you really seek them out with your hands or feet. And it does have a timer so you don't just leave it on. I think the maximum time is nine hours. You might want to look into this too, so this is another way to stay warm. Love the electric mattress paddle.

Elizabeth Craft (23:05)

Yes. And I love what a difference that must make for her mother in law.

Gretchen Rubin (23:08)

Yeah, that's so thoughtful. And now for a four Tendencies tip.

Elizabeth Craft (23:12)

Yes, this comes from Liz. She says I'm a longtime listener and can't tell you how much difference your work has made to my happiness over the years. Thank you. My question is, have you or your listeners got any advice for when an upholder comes up against a habit they just can't make or break? I'm generally very much an upholder, but my challenge relates to my phone use. I just can't seem to cut down on my scrolling. Even though I'm usually really good at keeping my resolutions, I have good reasons why I'm motivated to cut down for my mental health and to set a good example for my sons. But try as I might, this is a real blind spot for me. An upholder friend says the same about exercise. It's her nemesis and she can't work out why. Any advice you've come across about why this might be and how to push through would be amazing.

Gretchen Rubin (24:03)

Okay, so this does happen. Like, upholders are generally really good at meeting outer and inner expectations. But like anybody else, sometimes they do come up against something that is really hard for them. And here is the thing. The most universal and probably the most widely effective strategy is actually a twin strategy. It is the paired strategies of convenience and inconvenience. Whenever you come up against something that you are really struggling with, your first line of defense is to just throw all the convenience at it and all the inconvenience convenience at it. So what would this look like? Actually, a phone is a great example of this. So you could turn your screen to grayscale, because that's going to make it a lot more cumbersome to use your phone. You could use something like screen time to control your scrolling. You could delete your app so that if you want to look at, like a social media app, you have to look at on your desktop, or if you really look at it in your desktop, take it off your desktop and only have it on your phone. You can move it really deep into your folders and screens. So you have to click, click, click to get to it. You can use the brick. Elizabeth, explain what the brick is, because you and Sarah were talking about this at Happier in Hollywood.

Elizabeth Craft (25:11)

Yeah. We just recently discovered this. It's a device you can mount, like, say, on your fridge. You touch your phone to it and it makes your apps that you select not accessible, and you have to physically tap it again to have them be accessible again. So that's really the inconvenient strategy of having to actually walk over to this physical device and use it.

Gretchen Rubin (25:35)

Yeah. So, you know, you're just making it very, very inconvenient to have access to it. Another thing is, let's say there's a particular app that you're very drawn to in the place of that tile. Put your E reader or duolingo or something that you want to get yourself to do. So when your thumb automatically goes there, it reminds you like, oh, I'd rather be reading, or ooh, I'd rather be studying Spanish. So I think you want to use inconvenience and convenience as a way to get yourself to do what you want instead of relying on I need to make up my mind. I need to work on my motivation. I have to get clear on things. Just, like, make it super difficult to scroll through your phone, because a lot of times people are like, well, it's in my back pocket. Why can't I resist? It's like, well, put it on a high shelf in a closet that's far away from the kitchen, and you will find it very much easier to stay off your phone. So I would say use convenience and inconvenience. And as for the friend who has trouble with exercise, for something like exercise and upholders, I say get it on your calendar. Is it on your calendar? And the more officially it's on your calendar, the better. Meaning, is there a class? Is there a friend you're meeting? Adding accountability for almost anybody. Not for rebels. It doesn't help for rebels often, but for just about everybody, adding a layer of accountability helps. And so you might be an upholder who generally doesn't need a lot of accountability, but if you're really struggling with it, it's just a layer to add. So make it as convenient as possible. Like the people who, like, sleep in their workout clothes so it's easier to go in the morning. Do it with a friend who's going to be disappointed if you don't show up or pay for a class. Get it on your calendar. Those kinds of things, I would say, would work for upholders, but I'm always studying this. I'm always studying the four tendencies. So if you are an upholder or you deal with an upholder and you've noticed something about this, what's worked for you, I would love to know.

Elizabeth Craft (27:27)

Yes, I know once I've signed up for an orange theory class, yes, it's 99% chance I'm going to show up.

Gretchen Rubin (27:34)

Right? And you're an obliger. But that would be true for an upholder too, because upholders are also sensitive to outer accountability. So absolutely.

Elizabeth Craft (27:41)

Okay, Gretch, it is time for a listener question. This comes from Heidi. She says, I've been listening to your podcast for years and I love the know yourself better segment, as the questions are often so thought provoking. I was wondering if you have made a list cataloging the know yourself better questions from this segment, much like. Like how you've collected a list of proverbs for the professions. I just think they would make a great icebreaker team building questions for a retreat.

Gretchen Rubin (28:07)

That is so great to hear. And again, these know yourself better questions, right? This is like the Self knowledge quiz. Everybody wants to know themselves better. I have collected these. If you go to GretchenRubin.com shop and go to the Happiness Project collection, there are three journals with know yourself better questions. There's sort of the classic version which is just know yourself better. And then there's one that's all about embracing change and one that's all about building connections because those are two areas of focus that people often want to pursue. So I love Heidi that you enjoy these questions as much as Elizabeth and I do. And yeah, if you want to get those questions nicely packaged, they are ready for you there.

Elizabeth Craft (28:47)

Yes. All right, coming up, Gretchen gives herself a demerit. I guess I'd say it's related to clutter. Personal clutter. But first, this break. Happier is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive

Gretchen Rubin (29:18)

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Elizabeth Craft (29:42)

These days I am all about quality over quantity, especially in my closet. If it is not well made and versatile, it is just not worth it to me. And that is why Gretchen I love quints. The fabrics feel elevated, the cuts are thoughtful and the pricing actually makes sense. You know Gretchen, I can't live without my quints. Mongolian cashmere sweaters. But I also love their T shirts. Their cotton poplin is crisp and holds its shape. I can wear everything season after season

Gretchen Rubin (30:16)

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Elizabeth Craft (31:11)

And Spectrum Business offers 100% US based customer support 24. 7 to help you stay up and running. They also offer tailored connectivity solutions with packages built for your business budget. Millions of business owners rely on Spectrum Business to keep them connected. Visit spectrum.combusiness to learn more. Restrictions apply. Services not available in all areas. All right, we're back and it is time for demerits and gold stars. And Gretchen, this week you are up with a happiness demerit.

Gretchen Rubin (31:48)

Okay, so you know, I walk around pretty much year round unless it's it's extremely, extremely hot wearing a Uniqlo vest. I love this Uniqlo vest. It is extremely light. It adds that little bit of warmth because there I am trying to stay warm. And what I especially love about it, it has outer pockets that are like regular pockets, but then it has inner pockets that go straight up and down. So if you put something in those pockets, they really stay in. So when I'm walking around, I have a little pad of paper I have there. I have a pen, I have a $20 bill, I have my AirPods. It's just handy because anything I need, just stash in those pockets and walk around. And sometimes when there's something I need to remember, I'll write it down on a little piece of paper and I'll stick it into one of my pockets. Because then I think, okay, well, because what do we say to ourselves, Elizabeth, all the time? Never trust your memory. Always write it down. So I'm always write it down. And it's somehow easier to write it down on a piece of paper than to like pull out my phone and send myself an email, which is the other way I remind myself of things. So finally the other day I was stuck in my hand in the pocket. I was like, wow, it feels like there's like a lot going on in that pocket. Let me empty it out and see what's there. I had 15 little slips of paper in my pockets with all these random things written on them, all of which were important enough that I wanted to make a note of them. Fortunately for me, none of them had like been outdated. It wasn't like, oh, be sure to do XYZ before such and such date. And then like I had missed my chance. They were all still relevant. And it felt so good to just take them out. And just one by One. Like, a lot of it is like adding notes. Like, oh, remember to add this note to my Empty Nest project. Or remember to, you know, look up that quotation and put it in my quotations document. Or, oh, here's an interesting know yourself better question. Let me write this down for a future episode of Happier. I just process them very easily, but I give myself a demerit, because the whole point of these is if there's something really important for me to remember, do it. And I think sometimes it is things that I need to remember right away. Like, maybe I need to remember to pack something. Well, I want to see this before I leave on my trip. And I had 15 of these little pieces of paper floating around in those pockets. So from now on, I'm going to check my pockets every day and kind of process my little reminder slips.

Elizabeth Craft (34:05)

Yes. Because I could see falling into a thing where having written it on the piece of paper, it feels like you've taken care of it.

Gretchen Rubin (34:12)

Yes.

Elizabeth Craft (34:13)

But you have not, right?

Gretchen Rubin (34:14)

No. And that's when it's really dangerous. Like, buy airplane ticket and you forget, wait, I never did buy an airplane ticket. Absolutely. That's so true. But, Elizabeth, it's your turn for gold star. What's your gold star?

Elizabeth Craft (34:24)

Well, Gretch, I am giving a gold star to someone from Traders. Now. If you haven't seen the end of Traders, spoiler alert, skip ahead. Okay, But I think everybody's seen it now. I'm giving a gold star to Rob Rouse, who won Traitors. This guy was so good, Gretchen. He was so charming. He's so likable. He played a perfect game, in my opinion. He was so much fun to watch. People underestimated him, and he just killed it. So big gold star to Rob for giving me so much pleasure. This season on Traitors.

Gretchen Rubin (35:05)

But what does it mean to play a perfect game in Traitors?

Elizabeth Craft (35:09)

Well, traitors is a game where you're trying to get out people who are traitors and trying to keep in people who are faithfuls. And the traitors, meanwhile, are getting rid of people over overnight every night. And so if you're a traitor, you're trying to make everyone else think that you're a faithful so that they're not voting you out. So he played a perfect game of seeming like the ultimate faithful when in fact, he was a traitor from day one.

Gretchen Rubin (35:38)

So he just out foxed everyone in a likable way.

Elizabeth Craft (35:42)

Foxed everyone in a very likable way, in my opinion. And I. I just absolutely loved watching him. Gave me lots of joy.

Gretchen Rubin (35:52)

Oh, I love that. Now, the resource for this week. Now, if you've been listening to Happier over the years, for many years, you've heard me talk about my Color Pilgrimage, which is this project that I've been working on ever since I went through my period of being just intensely, intensely fascinated by the subject of color. And I have worked on this project on and off for years. It's taken many different shapes and finally I have found a way to get it out in the world. In part, it's not the entire thing, but over on Substack, I have started sharing an exclusive series of essays that are drawn from my Color Pilgrimage. You know the best parts? I've been talking about my fascination with color on Happier Forever, why I couldn't choose a signature color for myself, how much we love talking to people about their signature colors. And I just became enthralled with the mystery of color. I think that's part of why I wrote Life in Five Senses because that got me very focused on the sense of self. So the full essays are for paid subscribers only. So if you want to come on a Color Pilgrimage with me, just subscribe to the Secrets of Adulthood on Substack so you don't miss out. I will put a link in the show notes. It is so satisfying to me to at last bring some of this love of color out into the world.

Elizabeth Craft (37:04)

Yes, everybody loves color.

Gretchen Rubin (37:07)

Most people not as much as I do. But yes, we all love color. Elizabeth, what are we reading? What are you reading?

Elizabeth Craft (37:14)

I'm reading you better believe I'm going to talk about it by Lisa Rinna.

Gretchen Rubin (37:19)

And I am reading Lonesome dove by Larry McMurtry. And that's it for this episode of Happier. Remember to try this at home. Take a few self knowledge quizzes. Let us know if you tried it and if it worked for you. What did you learn? Which ones did you try? Which ones did we not know about? Let us know.

Elizabeth Craft (37:37)

Thank you to our executive producer Chuck Reed and everyone at Lemonade.

Gretchen Rubin (37:41)

Here's your rhyming reminder. Love the show. Leave a review to let us know. Usually we talk about word of mouth. Word of mouth is the best, but reviews are really good too, because people often look at reviews before they start to listen to a show.

Elizabeth Craft (37:53)

Until next week. I'm Elizabeth Craft.

Gretchen Rubin (37:55)

And I'm Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward, Elizabeth. I hear a siren right now. You must hear it too.

Elizabeth Craft (38:13)

I do. Yes, Gretch. That means help is on the way for somebody.

Gretchen Rubin (38:18)

Yeah. And we can be thankful that the Siren isn't coming for us this time.

Elizabeth Craft (38:22)

Indeed. Hi Gretchen, Craig Robinson and my little sister Michelle here. We host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. We know you're the queen of giving advice, so we wanted to get a

Gretchen Rubin (38:44)

few tips from you.

Elizabeth Craft (38:46)

You know Gretchen, a lot of our listeners are going through some major life changes. What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of major life transitions?

Gretchen Rubin (38:58)

Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you. You Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective. So consider questions like this. What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me? Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me? If I could magically change one habit in my life life, what would I choose? And here's a question. Would I like to have more time in solitude, restorative solitude, or would I like to have more time with friends? You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier. With greater self knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values. In my own case, I have found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the more grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition. For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. Wherever you get podcasts, you can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships. Keke Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success success. Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents and so many more.