Happier with Gretchen Rubin: Ep. 577 - How Well Do You Know Yourself? Plus Hacks for Staying Warm & Putting Down Your Phone

Release Date: March 11, 2026
Hosts: Gretchen Rubin & Elizabeth Craft

Episode Overview

This episode explores the power and practicality of self-knowledge quizzes as tools for personal growth, greater happiness, and better relationships. Gretchen and her sister/co-host Elizabeth dive into their favorite quizzes, discuss how these tools can help people know themselves and others, and touch upon listener stories, happiness hacks, and common stumbling blocks for even the most motivated self-improvers. The tone is warm, conversational, and enthusiastic, inviting listeners to both introspection and practical action.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listener Updates & Reflections on Grief and Sirens

[03:22–05:54]

• Grief-Inspired Tradition:
  Listener Shelby shares her "Shopping With Mom" ritual, turning found coins into gift cards on her late mother's death anniversary:

  “It helps me continue to feel connected to her even in her death. I hope this inspires your listeners to declutter with the intention and honoring of a loved one.” (Shelby, [03:22])

• Reframing Anxiety About Sirens:
  Listeners Ashley and Melanie write in about how Gretchen’s advice to see sirens as “help is on the way” transformed their reactions:

  • Ashley now invokes Mrs. Doubtfire’s “Help is on the way, dear!” ([04:31])
  • Melanie uses sirens as a “memento mori,” reminding herself to be grateful for her own and her loved ones’ safety ([05:08])

2. Try This at Home: Take a Self-Knowledge Quiz (or Several!)

[05:54–18:09]

• Why Self-Knowledge Is Hard (But Valuable):

  “You would think I just hang out with myself all day long, like how hard can it be? But it’s really hard to know ourselves.” —Gretchen ([06:04])

• Different Types of Quizzes:
  • Research-based (Big Five/OCEAN personality)
  • Observation-based (Four Tendencies, Five Love Languages)
  • Some more “validated” than others—do your own research

Favorite & Notable Quizzes

• The Values Bridge ([07:35–09:15])

  • Created by Susie Welch, gives you your values in ranked order and assesses how well your life reflects those values
  • No judgment in the values presented

  “She doesn’t judge those values. It’s just—that’s who you are. And I find it fascinating.” —Elizabeth ([08:43])

  • Gretchen and Elizabeth have almost identical top values, which explains their sibling harmony ([08:49])

• The Four Tendencies ([09:16–11:46])

  • Gretchen’s own framework, focuses narrowly on response to inner vs outer expectations (Upholder, Obliger, Questioner, Rebel)
  • Not a full personality system, but highly predictive in this specific area

• The Big Five/OCEAN ([11:46–12:11])

  • Scientific, divides personality into: Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, Neuroticism
  • Gretchen notes her critique: it doesn’t fully explain people who are extremely conscientious in some areas, but not others

• The Enneagram ([12:11–14:27])

  • Nine personality types, beloved by many for its insight; Gretchen recommends reading full type descriptions (especially negatives) rather than relying on a quiz result

  “For some reason with the Enneagram, I feel like people are pretty good at self-diagnosing.” —Gretchen ([13:42])

  • Useful for character development in writing

• Other Quizzes Cited:

  • Clutterbug (clutter personality)
  • Myers-Briggs (mixed reliability, but sometimes eye-opening)
  • Values In Action
  • Five Love Languages (helps in relationships)

• How Quizzes Help ([15:34–16:24])

  “Almost more important than that—getting an insight into somebody else. I mean I think a lot of times that’s the practical value…” —Elizabeth

  • Understanding others defuses personal resentment and cultivates compassion

3. Happiness Hack: Warmth at Night with Electric Mattress Pads

[18:09–23:05]

• Listeners recommend electric mattress pads as life-changing for comfort and pain relief, especially for partners with different warmth needs and for those with arthritis:

  “They have automatic shutoff and are perfect for keeping warm in bed at night…pure luxury and for well under $100.” —Listener Emmy ([21:57])

4. Four Tendencies Tip: When Upholders Hit a Wall with Habits

[23:12–27:27]

• Listener Liz (an Upholder) struggles specifically with putting down her phone despite strong intentions and motivations.
• Gretchen's advice:
  • Leverage convenience/inconvenience strategies:
    • Turn phone screen to grayscale
    • Use Screen Time or similar restrictions
    • Delete distracting apps or move them deep into folders
    • Try physical blockers like “the brick” (a device that can lock apps until tapped again, [25:11])
    • Replace “bad” app tiles with positive choices (like Duolingo)
    • For exercise: put workouts on the calendar and add accountability (classes, workout buddies)

  “You want to use inconvenience and convenience as a way to get yourself to do what you want instead of relying on ‘I need to make up my mind, I need to work on my motivation’…” —Gretchen ([25:35])

  • Accountability also helps, even for Upholders

5. Listener Questions: Resources for ‘Know Yourself Better’

[27:41–28:47]

• Heidi asks about compiling “Know Yourself Better” questions featured on the show
• Gretchen references journals available at GretchenRubin.com/shop

6. Demerits & Gold Stars

[31:48–35:42]

• Happiness Demerit:
  Gretchen allowed her Uniqlo vest pockets to fill up with 15 slips of reminders—demerits herself for not processing written reminders daily:

  “...having written it on the piece of paper, it feels like you’ve taken care of it. But you have not, right?” —Elizabeth ([34:12])

• Gold Star:
  Elizabeth gives a gold star to Rob Rouse, winner of “Traitors,” for his charming strategy:

  “He played a perfect game of seeming like the ultimate faithful when in fact, he was a traitor from day one.” —Elizabeth ([35:09])

7. Resource of the Week: The Color Pilgrimage Essays on Substack

[35:52–37:07]

• Gretchen announces she’s started publishing essays from her long-running “Color Pilgrimage” on Substack for paid subscribers

8. Closing Thoughts

[37:14–38:22]

• Gretchen is reading “Lonesome Dove” by Larry McMurtry; Elizabeth is reading “You Better Believe I’m Going to Talk About It” by Lisa Rinna
• Reminder: leave reviews for the show!
• Lovely final callback to the earlier “sirens” discussion:

  “I hear a siren right now...That means help is on the way for somebody.” —Elizabeth ([38:13]) “And we can be thankful that the Siren isn’t coming for us this time.” —Gretchen ([38:18])

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “It’s really hard to know ourselves, which is why we have a segment called Know Yourself Better...” —Gretchen ([06:04])
• “She doesn’t judge those values. It’s just—that’s who you are.” —Elizabeth (re: Values Bridge, [08:43])
• “With each of these [quizzes] I do get a layer of self knowledge or sometimes I’ll get an insight that I felt like might have been hard for me to get in a different way.” —Gretchen ([15:34])
• “It helps us not take things personally... If you understand that, depersonalize it. You don’t get so upset.” —Elizabeth ([16:34])
• “Never trust your memory. Always write it down.” —Gretchen ([34:05])

Important Timestamps

• 03:22 – Listener Shelby’s grief ritual ("Shopping with Mom")
• 05:54 – “Try This at Home:” Take a self-knowledge quiz
• 07:35 – Discussion of Gretchen’s favorite quiz: The Values Bridge
• 09:16 – Gretchen’s Four Tendencies framework
• 12:11 – The Enneagram
• 15:34–16:34 – Quizzes and compassion/understanding others
• 18:09 – Happiness hack: Electric mattress pads for warmth
• 23:12 – Four Tendencies segment: When Upholders can’t break habits
• 27:41 – Listener question about Know Yourself Better resources
• 31:48 – Demerits and Gold Stars segment

TL;DR: Why Listen to This Episode?

You’ll learn why self-knowledge quizzes—whether scientifically validated or more observational—are practical tools for self-discovery and better relationships, how to harness convenience/inconvenience to change tricky habits, and pick up warmth hacks for cold nights. The episode is peppered with listener stories, practical frameworks, and Gretchen and Elizabeth’s signature mix of insight and fun.