More Happier: Do You Specifically Recollect Yourself at Different Ages?

Summary

Podcast Summary: Happier with Gretchen Rubin

Episode: More Happier: Do You Specifically Recollect Yourself at Different Ages?

Date: November 29, 2025
Hosts: Gretchen Rubin & Elizabeth Craft

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Overview

In this reflective and lively "More Happier" episode, Gretchen Rubin and her sister/co-host Elizabeth Craft dive deep into memory, identity, and the continuous self. They explore whether people distinctly remember themselves at certain ages or feel essentially the same throughout their lives. The episode is peppered with warm sisterly banter, practical happiness tips, and insightful revelations about personal growth, nostalgia, and how we perceive ourselves over time.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Happiness Updates and Podcast Cross-pollination

• New Projects: Elizabeth expresses her happiness about Gretchen’s new advice podcast with Lori Gottlieb, "Since You Asked" ([03:55]–[04:06]).
• Audience Feedback: Both discuss their fascination with collecting and hearing a wide range of listener responses to life dilemmas.
• Mutual Appreciation: Gretchen and Elizabeth highlight memorable sayings they've borrowed from each other, showing how collaboration spurs personal happiness and growth ([06:16]–[07:05]).

Notable Quotes

• "The opposite of a profound truth is also true." – Gretchen Rubin ([06:16])
• "No one has an opinion until someone else has an opinion." – Elizabeth Craft ([06:34])

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2. Orchids, Hospitality, and the Urge to Nurture

• The Joy of Orchids: Gretchen shares her appreciation for orchids—their exotic beauty, ease of care, and longevity ([08:02]–[09:55]).
• Plant Care Analogies: The hosts muse on whether overwatering orchids is akin to people’s tendency to over-nurture (such as overfeeding pets) ([10:30]–[11:28]).
• Curiosity and Community: Elizabeth questions the common advice about maintaining orchids with ice cubes, inviting listener expertise ([09:55]–[10:17]).

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3. The Core Segment: Do We Recollect Ourselves at Different Ages?

[Begins at 15:53]

• The Unusual Perspective: Gretchen recounts being puzzled by a question from Sari Botton about identifying with herself at a specific life age. Gretchen feels she's been fundamentally the same throughout life—a view Sari says is rare. ([15:56]–[17:02])
• Elizabeth's Agreement: Elizabeth echoes Gretchen, feeling her selfhood has remained constant, regardless of changing roles (e.g., becoming a mom) ([17:02]–[18:22]).
• Struggle with Roles vs. Self: Elizabeth describes the tension between new roles (like motherhood) and staying true to her unchanged core identity ([17:28]–[18:22]).
• Comparative Experiences: The sisters discuss how others can easily recall multiple distinct life selves—sometimes with sensory details—while they see their own lives as a unified whole ([19:14]–[21:06]).
• Empathy and Difference: Gretchen equates this discovery to realizing sensory differences in others (like colorblindness), showing how we assume others experience life as we do ([19:43]–[21:51]).

Notable Quotes

• "I’ve just been... I feel I’m sure it’s not exactly true, but I definitely feel that if I went back to 8-year-old Gretchen, I would feel very much the same." – Gretchen Rubin ([15:56])
• "I feel exactly the same. I don’t feel that I have been different... So there’s a battling [with circumstances]." – Elizabeth Craft ([17:02])
• "Unless it’s pointed out that they’re not [like us], you assume other people are like you." – Gretchen Rubin ([21:38])

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4. Reading Themes & Lena Dunham’s Substack

[Begins at 27:27]

• Discovering "Good Thing Going": Elizabeth shares her enjoyment of Lena Dunham’s substack, especially the grouped book recommendations by category ([27:27]–[29:52]).
• Joy of Thematic Reading: Both reminisce about the pleasure of exploring novels with common settings/themes across decades—finding it enriching and a gateway to new discoveries ([28:44]–[32:19]).
• Personalized Recommendations: They note that curated lists allow readers to sync with recommenders’ tastes and form deeper connections to books and ideas ([32:07]–[33:19]).

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5. Secrets of Adulthood and Listener Takeaways

[Begins at 33:48]

• Holiday-Related Insight: Gretchen shares one of her most-quoted secrets of adulthood: “We care for many people we don’t particularly care for.” ([34:14])
• Managing Expectations: Addresses how this truth is especially relevant—and sometimes comforting—during the holiday season.

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6. The “To Be Read List” Philosophy

[Begins at 34:55]

• Book Overwhelm vs. Library Mindset: Gretchen voices the "panic" she sometimes feels over her growing reading list, while Elizabeth views her TBR (to-be-read) stack as a library, free of pressure ([34:55]–[35:11]).

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Memorable Moments & Quotes with Timestamps

• "The opposite of a profound truth is also true." – Gretchen Rubin ([06:16])
• "No one has an opinion until someone else has an opinion." – Elizabeth Craft ([06:34])
• "I feel like maybe circumstances are wanting me to be different, but I am the same. So there’s a battling." – Elizabeth Craft ([17:28])
• "Unless it’s pointed out that they’re not, you assume other people are like you." – Gretchen Rubin ([21:38])
• “We care for many people we don’t particularly care for.” – Gretchen Rubin ([34:14])
• "The to-be-read stack is like a library that you can pick from when you will. So I don’t feel overwhelmed." – Elizabeth Craft ([35:11])

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Timestamps for Main Segments

• [02:28] Catch-up, Thanksgiving chat, and course update
• [03:55] Something making Elizabeth happier: Gretchen’s new podcast
• [08:02] Something making Gretchen happier: Orchids and plant care musings
• [15:56] Main topic: Do you specifically recall yourself at different ages?
• [27:27] Elizabeth’s “been meaning to tell you”: Thematic reading and Lena Dunham’s substack
• [33:48] Secret of Adulthood: Caring for people we don’t care for
• [34:55] Book TBR philosophy

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Tone and Style

Warm, conversational, personal, and humorous; the sisters’ close rapport and curiosity drive an engaging and relatable exploration of personal identity, growth, and happiness. The tone remains encouraging and reflective throughout, with practical wisdom and a touch of self-deprecating humor.

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Conclusion

This episode offers thought-provoking insight into how we perceive our own continuity or transformation throughout life. Gretchen and Elizabeth’s mutual self-awareness and openness to new perspectives highlight the beauty of personal growth and the value of understanding others’ (sometimes wildly different) experiences. As always, their blend of practical advice, pop culture recommendations, and heartfelt sharing makes for an enriching and entertaining listen.

Transcript

[Gretchen Rubin]

Elizabeth, you know I love this time of year, but one thing I do not love is how short the days are. I feel like I'm always trying to cram so many things into a limited number of daylight hours. But one thing that's helping me really stay on top of my routine during this busy time is the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus. Powered by Peloton iq, the Peloton Cross Training Tread plus is Peloton's most elevated equipment yet. With features that help you plan, stay motivated and achieve peak performance. You can let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push and go while Peloton handles the rest.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Peloton IQ creates a personal workout roadmap with weekly recommended classes led by instructors who match your mood, vibe and personality. Go on a 45 minute run on the tread plus or do a five minute stretch routine off of it. With just one smooth spin of the swivel screen, it offers endless ways to train for a well rounded routine. No matter how busy you are. This is cross training reimagined. Let yourself run, lift, score, sculpt, push and go explore the new peloton cross training tread [e-mail] Elizabeth, you know that.

[Gretchen Rubin]

This year I am hosting Thanksgiving for the second time. Huge bucket list for me. And one of the things that makes it easier to prepare for any kind of big gathering, whether it's Thanksgiving or friendsgiving or any kind of celebration, is knowing that you can go to one place that you know you're going to get high standards and and good prices. And this is why I love going to Whole Foods Market. I can look for the 365 brand and I know that I'm gonna get everything that I need and want for a good price with the quality that I can count on.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, they have everything from low price quality turkey to pantry essentials. And Gretchen, I have to add frozen appetizers which are perfect for someone like me who is not a great cook. I love to get the Quiche Trio, their butterfly shrimp and breaded calama. It's all so easy to prepare and so delicious. Enjoy. So many ways to save on your Thanksgiving spread at Whole Foods Market. Lemonade.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Hello, we are here for more Happier A podcast where we get happier. It's the weekend, we're kicking back. Hey Elizabeth.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Hey Gretch.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Happy post Thanksgiving to all who celebrate. We just had Thanksgiving here in the United States.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, and happy birthday to our dad whose birthday was yesterday.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, some years his birthday falls actually on Thanksgiving, some years it does not. But it's always around Thanksgiving, which is super fun. I wanted to let everybody know that enrollment is still open for my 2026 course, the happiness Project Revisited. I loved running this in 2024 and I am bringing it back with a more on demand self paced format. Please join me for a 12 month happiness project inspired by my 2009 book with a different theme each month to support a happier, healthier, more productive and more creative life. One of the questions I'm asked most is what participants actually walk away with, aside from 12 months spent making the active CH pursue their own happiness every day. By the end of the year you will have created and tested at least 10 concrete resolutions, gained a clearer sense of what truly works for you, written your own set of personal commandments, and built a happiness toolkit you can keep using long after the course is over. Prices go up on December 1st, so this is your last chance to get it at 40% off. Visit happiercast.com course But Elizabeth, what is something making us happier?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Well, Gretch, speaking of stuff, you're doing Something Making Me Happier is your new podcast, since you asked, that you're doing with Lori Gottlieb.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh, that's so nice. We are having so much fun doing it, I must say.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So for anyone who doesn't know, it is a advice podcast. What I love is how you have the different segments and that you get audience feedback. Like you'll ask people in advance of an episode what they think about something and then you'll report how many people felt one way or another. And for some reason I just find that so interesting.

[Gretchen Rubin]

The thing is, Elizabeth, I am exactly the same way. I could read people's responses forever. I never come to the end. And what's interesting to me, and I'm so glad to hear that you like that aspect of the podcast. I mean, I love the advice format, right? It's like before and after. It's just a format that I think is just. It's just really compelling. But one thing that always frustrates me is you would always just get one or maybe two people's response. And sometimes you would think, oh well, I would have seen it completely different way. Or sometimes what's really fascinating is when somebody has a completely different response and they show you a perspective that you would never have had. And what is really fun, essentially we've started the podcast is people will respond to someone's dilemma and they will show so many shades. They're responding to different things. Or maybe they're in the other person's Shoes. Right. Like, oh, this person kept a big family secret. And then it's, oh, I have kept a secret. Or, I'm the one who, as an adult, found out the secret instead of finding out as a child. Or, oh, somebody's really messy. And it's, oh, I'm the messy one. You just. You get all these different perspectives that I just think, show us how people just walk through the world and having different responses. Like, you just think, like, reality is reality. People understand the situation the way I do, and then you just see, no, they don't.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

There was one that was like, would you correct your friend's kids? And the thing is, both sides are legitimate. Like, when I hear you reading from one, I'm like, yeah, I agree with that. And then the opposite. And I'm like, that makes sense, too. I know both can be true. And I guess that's why, you know, the world is complicated.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, that's my secret of adulthood. The opposite of a profound truth is also true.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I say that all the time. That is one of my things I've taken from you. Living in an atmosphere of growth, and that are probably the two things I refer to the most often from your work. And, of course, being an obliger.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And then for you, it's. I often quote you saying, yes, comes right away. No, never comes. And no one has an opinion until someone else has an opinion. Those are two of the ones that I quote you the most. But it is really fun. It's interesting just to hear what people say.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

And.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. So I'm really glad that you like it. And it's really been really fun to collaborate. You and I both really love to collaborate. Of course, my favorite person to collaborate by far, never to be surpassed, Elizabeth, is you. But it is fun to collaborate with other people.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. And Lori is a therapist, so she's got the therapist angle, which you and I do a lot of stuff. Not advice, but in the advice area. But it's different because neither of us is a therapist, So I appreciate hearing from her on that. So, anyway, I'm really enjoying that. I'm always looking for podcasts, so love having a new podcast. Gretchen, I think I know every single thing about you, and then you reveal something new.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That's how I feel when I listen to Happier in Hollywood. I'm like, how did she. I didn't know that she did that this happen. Like, how did I not know? Yeah, that's.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I told a story the other day on Happier in Hollywood, and mom said, I didn't know the story about you walking into a pole. You never told me that.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I never heard that story either. I have to say, I laughed out loud when you told that story. Yes. Karma, right? It was the karma.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, it was instant karma for my bad behavior.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh, that's funny. That's funny.

[Elizabeth Craft]

All right, Gretch, what is making you happier this week?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay, this is silly, but so we were having some. My husband Jamie was like, having a gathering, like a work related thing, and I thought just to spruce up the house a little bit, I'll get some orchids. So I got a pot of orchids and I was thinking how much I like orchids. This is why I like orchids. First of all, they are beautiful. If you look at them, they're very strange. The colors that orchids come are absolutely gorgeous. They're like the color of like Japanese kimono or something. There is a. On the corner of my block, there is a flower shop, and they often have very unusually colored orchids in the window. And I walk by all the time because of walking the dogs, and I.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

Just feast my eyes on these color combinations that are in these orchids.

[Gretchen Rubin]

It's beautiful.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

And if you're not that much of a green thumb, they're pretty resilient. They last a long time. I think some people can get them to bloom again. That's not my skill. I have never done that.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I have never managed to. I will say I've kept an orchid for a good six months or a year thinking, hey, man, maybe it'll bloom again. Never has.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

I'm sure there's more to it than just sticking it in a dusty corner and hoping for the best. But I feel like they feel elevated. They feel interesting. They are not. They don't. Because a lot of times, if you have a beautiful bouquet of flowers, which I love, different ones drop their petals. Some last longer than others. So then you're going through it and picking out the ones that last. And I think for some people, they really enjoy that. Like, oh, it's three different vases because as it's shrinking. But I don't really like fussing with stuff that much. Or maybe I do sometimes, but it's nice just to get an orchid. And it's, here's the orchid, enjoy it. It will last a long time. And then they just very elegantly stop being orchids.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Here's my question for you, which you probably don't know the answer to, but maybe. I'm sure we have listeners who do. Is it true that the way to take care of an orchid is to just put, like, an ice cube in it once a week. Have you heard this?

[Gretchen Rubin]

I have not heard that. That would be amazing. I would love. That is exactly my level of green thumbery. It seems too good to be true.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I know I do it. I don't. But I don't know if it's helping the orchid or having any impact. So I would love to hear from somebody who knows if this ice cube technique is accurate.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay, but. So this is making me think of something completely unrelated. Okay, so I have heard. And again, this may not be true, but one of the things I've heard is that people are very inclined to over water orchids. That, in fact, you should really need.

[Elizabeth Craft]

A lot of water.

[Gretchen Rubin]

You should really hold yourself back because people just have this instinct to water an orchid. And you know what this is making me think of is, like, how some people love to feed. Like, they love to keep plates. They love to serve seconds. They love to have a full pantry. They just love that aspect of hospitality or just nurturing. Like, they just love to feed. There's just a kind of person who loves to do that. And I wonder if it's related to.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

Watering, because there is something where you're.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. I feel so good just watering my plant.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

Or like, fish. People tend to overfeed fish. I remember when Eleanor had a fish.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Like, all over the fish food, it.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

Was like, do not overfeed your fish. Because clearly people are like, oh, I'll.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Just sprinkle some flakes.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

It's fun to see them go to.

[Gretchen Rubin]

The top and get the food.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

So interesting. So, yeah, orchids seem very undemanding. Perhaps they're even less demanding than we. The way that we treat them, want them to be. Yes, exactly.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Interesting.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

Okay. We know nothing about orchids. I know nothing. If I knew more, I'm sure the more we know, the more we notice. I'm sure I would appreciate them even.

[Gretchen Rubin]

More if I studied them.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

Maybe that should be on my 26 for 26 list.

[Elizabeth Craft]

There you go. Orchid. All right, Gretch, coming up, there is something you've been meaning to ask me. But first, this break.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Elizabeth. Now that my two daughters are out of the house, I love the way that aura frames helps keep our family connected. Aura frames are digital frames, and they let us feel like we're close, even when we're miles apart. And that's why it's one of my favorite gifts to give. You know, if there are those photos that you have, like, we often have dog photos. To share. You want to just send them out and have everybody get to see them, and Aura Frames makes that so simple to do?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. Plus you can have unlimited free photos and video so you can send video of the dogs as well. For a limited time, visit auraframes.com and get $45 off Aura's best selling Carver map frames named number one by Wirecutter by using Promo code Happier at checkout. That's a U R A frames.com promo code Happier this exclamation exclusive Black Friday Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year, so order now before it ends. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

[Gretchen Rubin]

You're ready for the holidays. The turkey's been going since this morning. The sides are perfectly seasoned. The out of towners have a bed, couch or futon to crash on for the night. All that's left to take care of is your peace of mind. That's why ADT is here.

[Elizabeth Craft]

With their professionally installed home security systems, you get protection that helps you feel safe. When every second Counts, count on ADT. Visit ADT.com or call 1-800-ADT ASAP. When every second counts, count on ADT. The holidays are such a joyful time, but let's be honest, they can also be a lot. There's so much to cook, so much to clean, and unfortunately, so much food waste.

[Gretchen Rubin]

You know, we're always thinking about the small things we can do that make an impact not just for our own happiness, but for the planet too. And that's why I'm such a big fan of my mill Food Recycler Mill is odorless and fully automated, eliminating all the pain points associated with old fashioned compost pails and smelly garbage cans. It makes keeping food out of the trash as easy as dropping it in. It can be hectic in my home or on the holidays, but mill keeps me keeping my cool when I'm hosting. With all the food prep and guests arriving, I never have to stress about the trash. Plus it looks super cool and modern in my kitchen.

[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah, Squarespace is the all in one platform to build and grow your online presence. You know, whether you're starting a passion project, you're promoting your comedy or your podcast, or you're turning a a side hustle into a business, Squarespace makes it easy to stand out online. And if you offer services or run events, Squarespace lets you book clients, send invoices, and get paid all in one place. Head to squarespace.com happy for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code happy to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay, Gretch, what have you been meaning to ask me?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay, this is a question that someone asked me and it turns out that my answer was very unusual. And so I want to ask you the question and see what you would say. Okay. So I was doing a substack live conversation with Sari Botton and she has the. Really the terrific substack oldster. And so she asked me the question, is there an age at which you feel most yourself, like your 19 year old self or your 37 year old self or whatever, Is there an age like that where you feel most yourself? And I was very puzzled by that question because I've heard people say things like that, but I always thought it was metaphorical. Think about your past. And I said, I don't know what you mean. Like, I've been the same the whole time. I've just been. I feel. I'm sure it's not exactly true, but I definitely feel that if I went back to 8 year old Gretchen, I would feel very much the same. I feel very consistent. I don't have that feeling. And she said, oh, that's extremely unusual. Only a few people. And she asked this question to everybody she interviews, I think, or quite frequently. And she said, almost. That's very rare. And so I wanted to say to you, Elizabeth, do you have a sense of yourself at different ages?

[Elizabeth Craft]

No, I'm with you, Gretch. I feel exactly the same. I don't feel that I've been different. Now, here's what I will say because of that. I can sometimes feel myself almost like fighting my circumstances because I feel like maybe circumstances are wanting me to be different, but I am the same. So there's a battling. Ooh.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Say more about that.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Well, for instance, being a mom, I don't feel different from when before I was a mom. And yet being a mom, there's a lot of things asked of you, and I'm like, battling about it because I'm like, well, I'm not this person that now plans elaborate birthday parties, but yet I should be doing that, if you see what I'm saying.

[Gretchen Rubin]

No, I remember a friend of mine said she was like my son. And she was a rebel, by the way, but she said, my son is like shooting mustard through a straw at the wall. And I know that I'm the one that's supposed to say, you can't do that and go clean it up, but I want. I also want to shoot mustard through a straw at the wall. Yeah, I know what you mean. Where you're like, now there's a role that demands something of me, but my. Myself is still myself.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. So I don't feel that I have changed one bit.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I don't feel like you've changed.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Do you feel like I don't feel like you've changed? Not at all.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

Of course.

[Gretchen Rubin]

We've grown so much.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

And wisdom.

[Elizabeth Craft]

We try to evolve.

[Gretchen Rubin]

We do, but we don't really much.

[Elizabeth Craft]

No.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

We should ask our parents if we.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Think that they think.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

But it's funny because it's interesting because in life, in five senses, one of the things that struck me is that sometimes people who are colorblind often don't remember. On our hike through England, our guide Jeremy, said he didn't know that he was colorblind until he was at an art exhibit where they were, like, playing with the idea of people being colorblind. And he had no idea what was going on.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

And his whole family thought he was just kidding around. He's. I honestly don't see it. So people who are colorblind don't realize it often till they're young adults. People who lack a sense of smell don't realize that they lack a sense of smell.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And when you say to them, what.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

Do you think people are talking about? When they talk about how things smell, they give an answer the way I gave an answer, which is I thought people were being metaphorical, or I thought that they were talking in a kind of suggestive way. I didn't think they literally meant it. So then I asked this woman, Sari, I said, do you feel like you had a distinct self at 27? And she's absolutely. She did. And other people that I've talked to have said, yes. I feel like there was my 19 year old self and there was my 40 year old self and they were.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Very different and they're different in terms.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Of what they're doing. My 23 year old self walked to work and went to aerobics at 7pm every night and did all sorts of things that my older self doesn't do. But I felt very consistent in who was walking through those motions. And I was sitting there going, look at me walking to work and going to aerobics. Aren't I fancy? You know what I mean? And now I say, look at myself, like driving my son to school. It's always myself observing what is happening around me.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

Yes. And it's the same kind of core self you feel.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. But I don't feel like any of my friends have changed either. But maybe they feel differently inside. I don't know.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

Or just this idea that. Yeah. That they have these different selves. And I remember talking to a friend who was a novelist and she was writing about a young adult. And I said, oh, how did you seem so tapped into that? And she goes, oh, I can instantly put myself back into different stages of my life and I can instantly recall the music I listened to, the friends that I had, the arguments that I had, the interests that I had, and can slice and dice it like into these different times. Whereas I feel like it's all just one big muh.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Interesting. I'd say I'm halfway there on that. I can totally remember the summer after senior year in high school and exactly what it felt like. But I can't remember conversations. I can't put myself back into conversations. I wish I could. I would. I love to relive experiences, especially like I have my friend Suzanne who died, and I would love to be able to go back and just replay an afternoon with her in my mind. Yeah, but it's interesting. It's an interesting question.

[Gretchen Rubin]

It's a very interesting question. I was astonished when she said that. This was like a fairly unusual response. So it's a good example of how you assume that other people are like you. You. Unless it's pointed out that they're not.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, exactly.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay, Gretch, what is our spotlight on a tool this week?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay. The biggest sale ever in the Happiness Project store is happening right now. If you've been waiting for the right time to find a holiday gift that will make a real difference in someone's day, this is it. My new favorite item in the store is the I Want yout To Know journal. It was named one of today's top 100 gifts. But the real reason I keep giving it is because people love it so much. The prompts make it so easy to say the meaningful things we often put off. I hear from readers who say they read it again and again. If there's someone in your life you want to honor, this is the gift to do it. And if you want something for yourself, this is a great time to get the Design youn Year Journal. It helps you think about what you want for the new year in a way that feels clear and manageable. It sold out last year, so get it now if you want it for 2026. Everything is part of the Black Friday sale at happiercast.com shop, but only for a very short time. Excellent.

[Elizabeth Craft]

All right, Gretch, Coming up, there's something I've been meaning to tell you, but first, this break. Gretchen, it is the season of gifts, and you know I love personalized gifts. Yes, and you have been using Shutterfly many times a year for many years. And I am planning this year to make Adam a Shutterfly book of just pictures of him and Jack through the years. Shutterfly lets you easily create meaningful gifts from photos you already have. Whether it's a photo book, which is what I'm going to do, a blanket, or even an ornament, it's such a thoughtful way to connect with people you love during the holidays.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, I often find myself making mugs, custom mugs. But there's so many things you can make. You can make something that means something this holiday shop shutterfly.com happier for gifts like custom mugs, photobooks, calendars, blankets, and tabletop prints. Right now you'll get free shipping on your order with promo code. Happier this promo can be stacked with any other offer. Details are on the site. Elizabeth, you know I love this time of year, but one thing I do not love is how short the days are. I feel like I'm always trying to cram so many things into a limited, limited number of daylight hours. But one thing that's helping me really stay on top of my routine during this busy time is the new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus. Powered by Peloton iq, the Peloton Cross Training Tread plus is Peloton's most elevated equipment yet, with features that help you plan, stay motivated and achieve peak performance. You can let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push and go while Peloton handles the.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Rest of the Peloton IQ creates a personal workout roadmap with weekly recommended classes led by instructors who match your mood, vibe and personality. Go on a 45 minute run on the tread plus or do a five minute stretch routine off of it. With just one smooth spin of the swivel screen, it offers endless ways to train for a well rounded routine. No matter how busy you are. This is cross training reimagined. Let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push and go explore the new peloton cross training tread [e-mail] as the air turns crisp and the holidays draw near, comfort becomes the best gift of all. Quint's delivers layers that last, sweaters, outerwear and everyday essentials that feel luxurious, look timeless and make holiday dressing and gifting effortless. Gretch, you know how much I love quints. Their cashmere sweaters are in my rotation a few times a week in the winter and my latest quince purchase is something I'm going to be wearing all winter. It's a featherless quilted long puffer jacket in silk and white. You know, off white is my new signature color so I needed a white jacket. I love it.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Step into the holiday season with layers made to feel good, look polished and last From Quince, perfect for gifting or keeping for yourself. Go to Quince.com Gretchen for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com Gretchen to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Gretchen Elizabeth, you know that this year I am hosting Thanksgiving for the second time. Huge bucket list for me. And one of the things that makes it easier to prepare for any kind of big gathering, whether it's Thanksgiving or friendsgiving or any kind of celebration, is knowing that you can go to one place that you know you're gonna get high standards and good prices. And this is why I love going to Whole Foods Market. I can look for the 365 brand and I know that I'm going to get everything that I need and want for a good price with the quality that I can count on.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, they have everything from low price quality turkey to pantry essentials. And Gretchen, I have to add frozen appetizers which are perfect for someone like me who is not a great cook. I love to get the quiche trio, their butterfly shrimp and breaded calamari. It's all so easy to prepare and so delicious. Enjoy. So many ways to save on your Thanksgiving spread at Whole Foods Market.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay Elizabeth, what have you been meaning to tell me?

[Elizabeth Craft]

All right, Gretchen, I have been meaning to tell you about something that's twofold. So, first of all, it is about Lena Dunham's substack, which is called Good Thing Going. And Lena Dunham, for anyone who doesn't know, created the TV show Girls, which I love so much. In fact, I just rewatched the whole thing, which I never do. It's the first show I think I've ever rewatched.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I think I'm gonna put that on my 26 for 26 list. Because you've been telling me to watch it for years, and I've resisted. But you told me to watch Mad Men for years. And then I watched it, and I loved it beyond all measure. So I've decided that's what I'm gonna do in 21 of the things I'm gonna do in 26.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Oh, good, we can talk about it. Cause I just saw all the episodes. And then she also recently created Too Much, which I really liked Al. Not as much as Girls, but anyway, it's. I love her substack. But there's an aspect of it which I really love that I wanted to tell you about. Which kind of led me to have this realization, which is that sometimes she has people she knows suggest groups of books. So it's book recommendations, but they'll be in a category, and I'll tell you more about it. But what I realized is that I love reading books in groups.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Meaning, like, having similar themes or similar subjects. A group like, yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

For instance, I remember one time Elle magazine was like, if you like reading about young women in New York in the late 50s and early 60s, read these books. It was like, Marjorie Morningstar, I remember, was one of them Valley of the Dolls?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Sure. I was just thinking, Valley of the Dolls.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I read this whole group of six books. And it just gave me such pleasure. But I haven't really had an arena to discover groups of books like this. But that is what people do. So, like, recent one was Richard Rushfield, who's an entertainment writer. He did a group, and he was like, I like the aimless and misdirected talking about people. He's. So here are my favorite books about the young and confused, okay? And a couple of them I'd read, like, Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis. I'd read the Secret History by Donna Tartt. I'd read. But then there's another one, All My Friends Are Gonna Be strangers by Larry McMurtry, that I hadn't read. So I said, oh, I love these other books. I'll probably like this, too. And Then it's a similar world.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

So I don't know. It's just such a fun way to go about reading.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah, they do. I subscribe to the magazine the Week I actually get the paper magazine, and they do this. They will invite a writer to provide, like, any, it seems like, anything they want. Like novels set on submarines or, for instance, I love novels set in monasteries and convents. Like, that could be a theme. And it is. It's funny. It's like they are unified in one way, but then in the other way, they're very different from each other. So that's very different from, like, here are five Iris Murdoch novels to read.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Exactly. Yeah. And another thing I like about it is that in this sense, they could be from different times. Like, one that he recommended was published 100 years ago and one might have been published 20 years ago. So I like that you can discover books that you would have otherwise missed if you're just paying attention to what's happening now.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That's one of the reasons I love listening to the podcast Backlisted or Secret Life of Books, because they are shining a spotlight on really outstanding books that are older. So they're not. People aren't talking about them all the time, but that doesn't mean that if you read them, you wouldn't love it. Do people know about the Secret History by Donna Tartt? This is a book which is like, this is a really exciting novel. It's got a massive twist. It's set in a. At a college. It's four young people, there's a mystery. It's like, there's a charismatic professor. There's so much to like about that book. But maybe people now, it was a huge sensation when it was published, but that was a long time ago now. But people would love it now if they read it now. So this is a way to surface those books so that people don't overlook something that they would love.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah. It reminds me, Gretch. Remember I read Rivals recently, which was a big bestseller in England, because I was looking back at huge 80s bestsellers and wanting to. Just to see what was out there. And I hadn't read that in the 80s, and so now I have.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I thought of you, Elizabeth, because some podcasts that I was listening to, they mentioned the Mists of Avalon, and I was like, oh, I wonder if Elizabeth is going to read the Mists of.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

Avalon, Because I feel like that's in that time period that you're going back to.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, I think I did read that, but I don't remember anything about it. Right.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

Just those, like, really long novels that everybody loved.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. Do love a saga, and I love.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

A theme that is super fun. And then I bet it's more. If you read them together also, then you notice things or you learn something. It's a deeper experience because you're seeing all different perspectives on something that's the same. Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

And I also have to say, because it's Lena Dunham, everyone she knows is, like, super smart and interesting. So I'm interested in the people who are recommending the books.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

Sure. That's always interesting. It's always interesting. If somebody else really likes something, I'm always interested in it. If it's, like, an identifiable person, we're like, huh? It's interesting that they like that. Also, what I like is, let's say that there's a list of five books. If you've read three and you like three of them, then you can probably be sure that you would like the other two because you know the person's taste.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Unknown Guest or Contributor]

Whereas if you've read none of them or you've read two and you didn't like really either one of them, then you're like, okay, I'm gonna skip this list. Cause this person has taste that's different from mine. So I feel like it's also. You can test how valuable the recommendations are to you. Idiosyncratically.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. So anyway, that was my recommendation slash my realization about myself.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yeah. Interesting. I think the same thing's true for me and Elizabeth. I have to mention that we have substacks, too. You have a substack?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Oh, yes, we do.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Happier in Hollywood. And I have a substack.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Absolutely.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Secrets of adulthood. So get in there. Get your substacks. There's so much good stuff there.

[Elizabeth Craft]

There really is. Go to substack, everybody. Okay, Gretch, what is our secret of adulthood this week?

[Gretchen Rubin]

This is the secret of adulthood that I was thinking of because of the holiday season. Because I think that this is something that many people perhaps think about during the holiday season. After my book Secrets of Adulthood came out, I have to say this secret of adulthood is one of. It is one of the ones that people will quote back to me the most often. So it does seem like it strikes a chord with people, which is we care for many people we don't particularly care for.

[Elizabeth Craft]

That is a good one, Gretch.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So, Elizabeth, are you feeling happier?

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes, I am feeling happier. Thank you to Chuck. Bye, Gretch.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Bye, Elizabeth. The best time to start a happiness project. Is 20 years ago. The second best time is now. So, Elizabeth, do you ever feel overwhelmed by your to be read list? Like as you're collecting all these books that you want to read? Sometimes I almost feel panicky when I think about all the books that I want to read.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yes. But you know what? I don't feel a particular pressure to get to them all. They're just. They're there. I think a listener said it's like a library. The to be read stack is like a library that you can pick from when you will. So I don't feel overwhelmed.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oh, that's good. That's good to hear. From the Onward Project.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Hi Gretchen, Craig Robinson and my little sister Michelle here we host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. We know you're the queen of giving advice, so we wanted to get a few tips from you. You know, Gretchen, a lot of our listeners are going through some major life changes. What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of major life transitions?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Craig, Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you. Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective. So consider questions like this. What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me? Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me? If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would I choose? And here's a question. Would I like to have more time in solitude, restorative solitude, or would I like to have more time with friends? You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier. With greater self knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values. In my own case, I have found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the more grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition. For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. Wherever you get podcasts, you can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships, Keke Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success, Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents and so many more.