More Happier: Gretchen Rubin on NPR's Life Kit

Summary

Podcast Summary: Happier with Gretchen Rubin – "More Happier: Gretchen Rubin on NPR's Life Kit"

Release Date: May 17, 2025
Guests: Gretchen Rubin, Host/Author; Marielle Segarra, Host of NPR's Life Kit
Hosted by: Gretchen Rubin and Elizabeth Craft
Produced by: The Onward Project
Distributed by: Lemonada Media

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Introduction

In the episode titled "More Happier: Gretchen Rubin on NPR's Life Kit," Gretchen Rubin, bestselling author of The Happiness Project and Better Than Before, joins Marielle Segarra, the host of NPR’s Life Kit, to delve deep into the intricate subject of happiness. Together, they explore practical strategies for cultivating happiness through self-understanding and tailored habits.

Understanding Happiness

Marielle Segarra kicks off the conversation by posing a fundamental question: "How happy are you?" This leads to a discussion about the elusive nature of defining happiness. Gretchen Rubin reflects on her legal background, noting, "There are like 15 academic definitions of happiness. And I think that for the regular person, it's not that useful to argue about joy versus contentment versus well-being versus life satisfaction. It's easier to think about moving in the right direction because 'What is happiness?' is a very hard question to answer. But 'Will this make you happier?' is something that usually we have a lot of clarity about.” [02:26]

The Importance of Self-Knowledge

Rubin emphasizes that happiness isn't a one-size-fits-all concept. Understanding oneself—recognizing personal preferences, habits, and inherent tendencies—is crucial for finding what genuinely fosters happiness. She explains, "Knowing ourselves is hard because it's very easy to get distracted by the way we wish we were or the way other people expect us to be, or our fantasy self." [05:09] This self-awareness allows individuals to tailor their happiness strategies effectively.

The Four Tendencies Framework

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around Rubin’s Four Tendencies framework, which categorizes individuals based on how they respond to inner and outer expectations. This framework aids in personalizing approaches to happiness.

1. Upholders

   • Definition: Meet both outer and inner expectations readily.
   • Quote: "Discipline is my freedom." [13:34]
   • Traits: They thrive on schedules and to-do lists, often feeling stressed by flexibility but find comfort and satisfaction in adhering to plans.
   • Strategy: Upholders, like Rubin herself, find reassurance in execution. Under stress, they tend to double down on their routines rather than take breaks, which aligns with their need for structure.

2. Questioners

   • Definition: Challenge expectations and comply only if they find them logical.
   • Quote: "I'll comply if you convince me why." [14:14]
   • Traits: They demand justification for tasks and prefer to customize their approaches based on thorough research.
   • Strategy: To engage Questioners, it’s essential to provide clear reasons and evidence behind recommendations. For instance, explaining why taking medication at a specific time enhances its effectiveness can help them comply.

3. Obligers

   • Definition: Meet outer expectations but struggle with inner ones.
   • Quote: "You can count on me, and I'm counting on you to count on me." [14:49]
   • Traits: Obligors are dependable for others but often neglect their own needs.
   • Strategy: Incorporating external accountability, such as joining a book club or exercising with a friend, can help Obligers meet their personal goals by leveraging their tendency to fulfill external commitments.

4. Rebels

   • Definition: Resist both outer and inner expectations.
   • Quote: "You can't make me and neither can I." [15:07]
   • Traits: Rebels desire autonomy and dislike imposed schedules or rules.
   • Strategy: Offering flexibility and optional participation, such as inviting Rebels to join activities without rigid commitments, respects their need for independence and increases their willingness to engage.

Practical Applications for Happiness

Takeaway 1: Know Yourself
Rubin suggests introspective questions to identify one's tendency:

• Are you a morning person or a night person?
• Do you prefer simplicity or abundance?
• Are you a satisficer (choosing the first adequate option) or a maximizer (exploring all options)?
• When facing temptation, are you an abstainer or a moderator?
  “When you're a night person and you say to yourself, 'I'm going to get up and exercise first thing before I go to work in the morning,' you're not setting yourself up for success.” [05:09]

Takeaway 2: The Four Tendencies Framework
Understanding whether you are an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel can significantly influence how you approach habits and changes to enhance happiness. By aligning strategies with your tendency, you can more effectively implement habits that resonate with your intrinsic motivations.

Takeaway 3: Embrace Small Daily Changes
Happiness doesn’t always stem from monumental life changes. Rubin highlights the impact of minor adjustments:

• The One-Minute Rule: "If you can do something in a minute without delay, you should just go ahead and do it." [21:12]
  Simple actions like filing documents or decluttering can reduce stress and create a sense of accomplishment, paving the way for larger changes.

Small Daily Changes and Takeaway

Rubin illustrates how small actions can lead to significant positive impacts. For example, adopting the one-minute rule can help streamline daily tasks, reducing clutter and mental load, thereby fostering a more organized and serene environment. These incremental changes accumulate, enhancing overall happiness without overwhelming the individual.

Marielle Segarra sums up the discussion with key takeaways:

1. Know Yourself: Reflect on personal preferences and tendencies.
2. Understand the Four Tendencies: Apply the framework to align habits with your natural responses.
3. Incorporate Small Changes: Focus on daily actions that contribute to long-term happiness.

Conclusion

The episode concludes with a recap of the three main takeaways, reinforcing the importance of self-awareness, understanding personal tendencies, and valuing small daily actions in the pursuit of happiness. Gretchen Rubin and Marielle Segarra emphasize that happiness is a personalized journey, achievable through tailored strategies that respect individual differences.

Notable Quotes:

• "Discipline is my freedom." — Gretchen Rubin [13:34]
• "I'll comply if you convince me why." — Gretchen Rubin [14:14]
• "You can count on me, and I'm counting on you to count on me." — Gretchen Rubin [14:49]
• "You can't make me and neither can I." — Gretchen Rubin [15:07]
• "If you can do something in a minute without delay, you should just go ahead and do it." — Gretchen Rubin [21:12]

By integrating these insights, listeners can embark on a more informed and personalized path toward greater happiness and fulfillment.

Transcript

[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Marielle Segarra]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

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[Unknown]

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[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

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[Unknown]

Hello, we're here for More Happier, a podcast where we talk about getting happier. Today, we're bringing you an interview I did recently with Marielle Segarra, who host of NPR's terrific podcast Life Kit, the longtime fan favorite podcast, interviews different experts every week to get the best advice out there, and I am honored to have been one.

[Marielle Segarra]

You're listening to Life Kit from npr. Hey everybody, it's Marielle. Question for you. How happy are you? Yeah, I know. I guess I should answer it too. I don't know. I mean, what is happiness anyway?

[Gretchen Rubin]

I started my career in law, so I have many memories of spending an entire semester arguing about the definition of contract. And happiness is even more elusive.

[Marielle Segarra]

This is Gretchen Rubin. She's a writer who studies happiness, good habits, and human nature. She also has a podcast called Happier with Gretchen Rubin. She says, trying to pin it down. Exactly. And yes, I did try to do that in our inner interview isn't all that helpful.

[Gretchen Rubin]

There are like 15 academic definitions of happiness. And I think that for the regular person, it's not that useful to argue about joy versus contentment versus well being versus life satisfaction. It's easier to think about moving in the right direction because what is happiness? Is a very hard question to answer. But will this make you happier? Is something that usually we have a lot of clarity about.

[Marielle Segarra]

Another thing Gretchen has learned about happiness is that it's not one size fits all. And to get closer to it, to move in the right direction, we need to understand ourselves, our preferences, our habits, how we tick. So on this episode of Life Kit, we talk about how to do that and how to move towards happiness. Gretchen, you write in your book Secrets of Adulthood that happiness doesn't always make us feel happy. What do you mean by that?

[Gretchen Rubin]

If you're thinking about how to make your life happier, there's four to four pieces that you can think of. Feeling good, feeling bad, feeling right in an atmosphere of growth. So feeling good is having more of the things that make you feel good. Then there is getting rid of the things that make you feel bad. Then there's feeling right, which is, does your life reflect your values? And sometimes we do things that don't make us feel good. They might make us feel bad, but we do them because they make us feel right. So you might visit a sick friend in the hospital. Even though you hate going to hospitals, you dread going, you don't enjoy being there, and you look back on it with dread. And yet you think, well, to be a good friend, I should visit my friend in the hospital. You don't do it because it makes you feel good. It actually makes you feel bad. But it serves your happiness because it's a way of feeling right. It's a way of feeling that your life reflects your values. And there's also the atmosphere of growth. And this is. We feel happier when we're growing, when we're learning, when we're fixing things, when we're teaching, when we're sort of making the world a better place. And often the atmosphere of growth is accompanied by insecurity, frustration, feeling incompetent. You know, learning something can be very, very stressful. So sometimes to have our lives be happier, we have to put up with things that don't make us feel happy.

[Marielle Segarra]

They don't make you feel like that yellow smiley face on the side of the plastic bag.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Exactly.

[Marielle Segarra]

And we know that relationships are very important to our well being.

[Gretchen Rubin]

A thousand percent. Ancient philosophers and contemporary scientists agree, if you had to pick a key to happiness, maybe even the key to happiness, you're exactly right. It's relationships.

[Marielle Segarra]

Well, you talk about how in order to be happy, we need to know ourselves, Right. What does that look like in practice?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, you think you'd know yourself, right. You just hang out with yourself all day long. But knowing ourselves is hard because it's very easy to get distracted by the way we wish we were or the way other people expect us to be, or our fantasy self. So it's just very helpful to pay close attention to what is true about us. And it's funny, like how we might not notice very obvious things about ourselves, like, are you a morning person or a night person? And if you're a night person and you say to yourself, well, I'm going to get up and exercise first thing before I go to work in the morning. You're not setting yourself up for success, not because it's not a good idea for someone, but it's not a good idea for you because you're a night person. You're probably much better off doing it later in the day. And there's so many ways to understand ourselves and how we thrive and as we're trying to shape our lives. But it can be very hard to see ourselves clearly.

[Marielle Segarra]

What are some other things that people do because they think it'll make them happy, but it's not actually the right fit for them?

[Gretchen Rubin]

That's the mistake that is so easy to make, is thinking that there's one right way or there's one best way to go about making our lives happier. And the fact is, like, no tool fits every hand. For example, many people swear by meditation. I have tried meditation. I mean, tried for months, like three times. Doesn't work for me. I tried keeping a gratitude journal. That's something also that you're often recommended to do. I was deeply annoyed by my gratitude journal. But for some people, they're a really important tool. And so I think the mistake is thinking that somebody can tell you what will work for you. But you're unique, just like everybody else. And each of us needs to figure out what is right for us. And that's where the self knowledge comes in. Because there is no magic, one size fits all solution.

[Marielle Segarra]

This is something Gretchen has learned over many years of studying happiness, that self knowledge is key because as she puts it in one essay, we can build a happy life only on the foundation of our own values, our own interests, and our own temperament. So takeaway 1. Know yourself. There are lots of questions you can consider about your personality and your preferences. Some suggestions from Gretchen. Are you a morning person or a night person? Do you prefer simplicity or abundance? Do you need other people to hold you accountable? Or do you hate having someone tell you what to do when you make decisions? Are you a satisficer? That means you'll pick the hotel as soon as you find one that meets your criteria. Or are you a maximizer who needs to look at every single option first? Here's another one. When you're facing temptation, are you an abstainer or a moderator?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Abstainers are people like me, where it's easier to give up something altogether than to indulge in moderation. But moderators are people who get kind of panicky and rebellious if they're told they can never do something and so they should have it a little bit or sometimes. So like, I could have like no thin mint cookies, or I could have a sleeve of thin mint cookies. I can't have one thin mint cookie or half a brownie. So I just gave up sugar altogether because that's easier for me. For moderators, they think, oh, you know, don't be so rigid, don't be so hard on yourself. Don't deny yourself, don't make something totally off limits. That's not good. And I'm like, it works for me, it's better for me, it's easier for me. I prefer that way. But it's not for everybody. Some people are moderators.

[Marielle Segarra]

Once you know yourself, how do you use that information to be happier? Do you try to be more like yourself or do you try to push back against some of who you are?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, often when we're trying to make our lives happier, we might be trying to follow a new habit, like reading more, going to sleep on time, exercising, or we might be trying to cut back on something like doom scrolling or night snacking. Or we might be wanting to push ourselves to do something that we kind of don't want to do, but we know we make us happier in the long run, like start a book club or join a hiking group. And so when we know ourselves, we can think about what are the things that are making it harder for me to do that and how might I think about ways to make it easier? Like, let's say you're somebody who loves familiarity. So some people love familiarity and some people love novelty. So let's say you're trying to exercise more. If you know that you love novelty, you might really think about, okay, let me think of lots of ideas, different ways I could exercise, like different sports I could try, I'll join a gym that like has many, many, many options. I'll set up my life so that I have a lot of different choices and I really mix it up. Where somebody who's a familiarity lover might say to themselves, I want to get really comfortable in one place. I know that's going to make it easier and more pleasant for me to go. So I'm really going to commit to this one place I'm going to go and I'm really going to, you know, pay attention. I'm going to try to get to know the people there so it feels very familiar. Because as a familiarity lover, that's going to make it easier for me to stick to a habit that I think is going to make me happier. So again, it's not that one person's right and one person's wrong. It's just that different circumstances appeal to different people and you want to take yourself into account as you're setting things up.

[Meredith Hayden]

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[Marielle Segarra]

Okay, Takeaway 2 Gretchen has another framework that can help you understand yourself and what might make you happy. It's called the Four tendencies. This is about whether you meet or resist outer and inner expectations. And she says, this is a narrow aspect of our nature, but it is significant.

[Gretchen Rubin]

So we all face two kinds of expectations. Outer expectations, like a work deadline, and inner expectations, like my own desire to meditate more or keep a New Year's resolution. So depending on whether you meet or resist outer and inner expectations, that makes you an upholder, a questioner, an obliger, or a rebel. Upholders are people who readily meet both outer and inner expectations. So they meet the work deadline. They keep the New Year's resolution without much fuss. They want to know what other people expect from them. But their expectations for themselves are very important. They tend to love schedules, to do lists, execution. They don't need a lot of supervision. They can be a little bit rigid. I say that as an upholder myself. So their motto is discipline is my freedom.

[Marielle Segarra]

Okay, so that's the first one, upholders. Then we have questioners. What's their deal?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Questioners question all expectations. They'll do something if they think it makes sense. So they're. They're deciding whether something meets their inner standard. If it meets their inner standard, they will meet that expectation. If it fails their inner standard, they will push back. So they're very focused on justifications, rationale. They tend to love research. They can sometimes fall into analysis, paralysis. Because their desire for perfect information can make it hard for them to move forward or make a decision. They need their questions answered. So their motto is, I'll comply if you convince me why.

[Marielle Segarra]

Okay, so what about the third tendency? That's the obligers.

[Gretchen Rubin]

This is the biggest tendency for both men and women. Obligers readily meet outer expectations, but they struggle to meet inner expectations. So these are people who can keep their promises to other people, but they struggle to keep their promises to themselves. So these are people who say, why can't I follow through for myself when I'm so good at following through other people? Why can't I make myself a priority? Why don't I make time for self care? Why do I always give to others, but I can't give to myself? That's obliger. So their motto is, you can count on me, and I'm counting on you to count on me.

[Marielle Segarra]

All right, and then the last group is the rebels.

[Gretchen Rubin]

This is the smallest tendency. It's a conspicuous tendency, but it's a small tendency. Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike. They want to do what they want to do in their own way, in their own time. They can do Anything they want to do or choose to do. But if you ask or tell them to do something, they are very likely to resist. And typically they don't tell themselves what to do. Like they don't sign up for a 10am spin class on Saturday because they think I don't know what I'm going to want to do on Saturday. And just the idea that somebody's expecting me to show up is going to annoy me. So their motto is, you can't make me and neither can I. And the four tendencies is helpful because if you're trying to do something because you think it's going to make you happier, like read more or call your mom every day or whatever it is, if you know if you're an upholder, question or obliged to rebel, that will give you a lot of clues about how to set yourself up so that.

[Marielle Segarra]

You will follow through knowing you're an upholder. How do you use that to figure out what makes you happy?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, I know that something like spontaneity is not important to me. I really like to have a plan and I use my plan and my calendar to achieve my aims for myself. And I find that immensely satisfying. And I think from the outside sometimes people feel like upholders might feel oppressed by that, but now I know that I'm not. And also one of the things that I really learned about being an upholder is like when I'm stressed out, a lot of times people, if you're under a lot of stress, people will say things like, well, you should ease up on yourself and like let yourself off the hook. Like usually you would do X, Y or Z, but you should just like take a break from it. Now that might be good advice for other people, but as an upholder and having talked to other upholders, that's actually makes us more stressed out. We find it relaxing and reassuring to like execute on a plan. And so often when I'm under a lot of stress, I will go deeper into my usual healthy habits instead of trying to give myself a break because that is what is reassuring to me. And so again, it's not that people are giving me advice that's ill intentioned. They mean well, but I had to learn from experience. Like that doesn't work for me. That doesn't actually make me feel better, it makes me feel worse.

[Marielle Segarra]

Yeah, it's good to know that about yourself.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Exactly.

[Marielle Segarra]

I immediately know which one I am, by the way.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Ooh, which one are you?

[Marielle Segarra]

I'm a questioner.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Okay, well, I was gonna say obliger is the biggest tendency and the next biggest is questioner. So I would say you're probably an Obliger questioner. I'm married to a questioner, so I have to say I have special fondness for the questioner tendency.

[Marielle Segarra]

Yeah. I think that people can definitely find it annoying. They find the questions annoying. They think you don't trust or believe them and maybe you don't.

[Gretchen Rubin]

That's exactly right.

[Marielle Segarra]

But it's not personal. It's just business, baby. It's just, I mean, I'm a journalist, right. So it's like trust but verify. And I think I've always been that way. But this happens all the time at the doctor. It's like, okay, but why that thing? And exactly how does that drug work?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Marielle Segarra]

And because you also know that they have a million patients and they miss things and they disagree with that other doctor, so why shouldn't I ask?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, and questioners love to customize. And you're saying like, but what about me? I need to do it in the way that's right for me. And questioners can drain and overwhelm people with their constant questioning because people don't understand. They just want to know why. They just want to understand your, your reasons. But sometimes people misinterpret this, as you suggested, by thinking like, you're questioning my judgment or you're undermining my authority. One of the things I always say to people in the healthcare profession is you have to explain why for a questioner, or they might just come up with their own reasons for doing something. So if I was going to tell you to take medication, I wouldn't just say to you like, okay, I want for you to go for a 20 minute walk in the morning and then take this medication right after and then have breakfast. You might say, like, well, it's more.

[Unknown]

Convenient for me to take it at.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Night and I don't want to go for a 20 minute walk. So I need to say to you.

[Unknown]

You need to take it with food.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Or it can give you nausea. Or research has shown that if you take this after exercise, it's going to be twice as effective. Because once you have those reasons, then you will follow.

[Marielle Segarra]

I've talked about this on the show. I had breast cancer last year. I went through treatment and yeah. And so the decisions that I had to make and the decisions I'm making still are high stakes.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes.

[Marielle Segarra]

And they're very like. And doctors do disagree and they'll tell you completely different things and you'll realize that one of Them, when you push with your questions, they get upset because they don't actually know and they're afraid to tell you they don't know, but someone else might know. And so that's where I'm like, you know what? What's gonna make me feel happiest and safest is to find a doctor who knows or who will tell me what they don't know.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Mm. But you can imagine that for somebody else, they're like, I just want to do what the doctor tells me.

[Marielle Segarra]

Yeah.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Just. I want you to just tell me what to do, and I will do it.

[Marielle Segarra]

Okay. What about obligers? How can they use the knowledge of this tendency to be happier?

[Gretchen Rubin]

The solution for obligers is very straightforward. Want to read more? Join a book group. Want to exercise more? Take a class. Work out with a trainer. Work out with a friend who's annoyed if you don't show up. Raise money for a charity. Take your dog for a run, who's so disappointed if she doesn't get to go for her run. You just need outer accountability, even to meet an inner expectation.

[Marielle Segarra]

And what about rebels? What makes them happy?

[Gretchen Rubin]

The rebel, it's like they want to do something less if it's on the calendar. And so if you are a rebel yourself or you're dealing with a rebel, the idea of, like, well, just sign up for a woodworking class. Well, they're not going to want to do it. Or even sometimes rebels, like, they don't like the feeling of, oh, we're going to go to a concert in two weeks. So if you're dealing with rebel, it might be more like, hey, I'm going tonight. Or if you feel like it, you could join. You know, we're going to go, and.

[Unknown]

If you feel like joining us, join us. And if not, like, we'll catch you another time.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And then they can decide to join you. Or not. It's not. People are like, oh, well, you must not want to be my friend, because you never want to commit to a plan. Instead of understanding, like, oh, no, they just don't like committing to plans. So let's set things up in a way that, like, doesn't. Doesn't irk them.

[Marielle Segarra]

I think a lot of folks imagine that if they make a big change in their lives, they get a new job or achieve some big goal, get married, have a baby, then maybe then they'll finally be happy. They'll have checked off all the boxes, and then happiness will just come.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, I think it's moving in a direction rather than achieving something. Sometimes, you know, big changes can really have a big effect on our happiness. But often even very, very small things, like, here's a funny one. So a thing that I often talk about on the happier podcast is the one minute rule. This is the idea that if you can do something in a minute without delay, you should just go ahead and do it. You should print out a document and file it or hang up your code or, you know, put your mug in the dishwasher, whatever. And it just kind of gets rid of the scum of clutter that's on the surface of life. And it takes less than a minute by definition. And so many people are like, oh my gosh, this completely changed my life. And, you know, and sometimes getting that little stuff out of the way makes you feel more prepared to take on big stuff. Like a friend of mine said, I finally cleaned out my fridge and now I know I can switch careers. You know, sometimes we get energy from these very small things. So sometimes it's a big change, but sometimes it's a small change.

[Marielle Segarra]

And that is our third and final takeaway. Don't discount the ways you can feel happiness in small doses every day. Happiness doesn't always mean making a big life change. And as Gretchen said earlier, it doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be in a state of rapture all the time.

[Gretchen Rubin]

There are things that we do that make us happier over the long term that do not make us happier in the short term, whether because we have to, like, ask more of ourselves or maybe we have to deprive ourselves of something.

[Marielle Segarra]

All right, Gretchen, thank you so much. This has been great. I learned a lot.

[Unknown]

Thank you.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Made me very happy to get the chance to talk to you.

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

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Yeah. It has 3D surround cameras with Clearsight ground view that let you see underneath the vehicle and anticipate obstacles and rough terrain. Clearsight rear view offers an unobstructed rear view even when you can't see through the back window. Driver aid technologies make driving and parking simpler. Intuitive driver displays are customizable to your journey. Design your Defender 110 at Land RoverUSA.com Visit Land RoverUSA.com to learn more about the Defender 110. Explore the Defender 110 at Land RoverUSA.COM the Wishbone Kitchen Cookbook is the debut cookbook from chef and content creator Meredith Hayden, filled with 100 seasonal recipes to elevate your everyday cooking. Inspired by years working as a chef in New York City in the Hamptons, as well as her childhood summers on Nantucket, Meredith Hayden makes food that is both unfussy and elegant. From 20 minute meals to show stopping centerpieces, you will learn how to cook, host and eat like a private chef and have fun doing it.

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

She shares big salads like the Blueberry Barbecue Grilled Chicken Salad and shareable sammies like the Ultimate Italian alongside recipes for Pink Lemon Pasta and hot crab dip. Meredith is your authority on all things seafood and will have you whipping up a lobster avocado salad in no time. Find inspiration to celebrate every season in life with the Wishbone Kitchen Cookbook, available wherever books are sold.

[Marielle Segarra]

Okay, time for a recap. Takeaway one is to know yourself. Ask yourself questions about your personality and your preferences, like are you a morning person or a night person? Do you need other people to hold you accountable or do you hate that? Are you a satisficer or a maximizer, an abstainer or a moderator? Takeaway 2 Consider the four tendencies framework. And again, this is about whether you meet or resist outer and inner expectations. Knowing whether you're an upholder, a questioner, an obliger, or a rebel will also help you make decisions that can move you closer to happiness and takeaway 3 consider the small Things too. Happiness isn't just about making big life changes. It's about the things we do every day. For more Life Kit, check out our other episodes we have one on how to manage your emotions and another on how to start a spiritual practice. You can find [e-mail] LifeKit and if you love Life Kit and want even more, subscribe to our [e-mail] lifekitnewsletter. I think it would make you very happy. Also, we love hearing from you, so if you have episode ideas or feedback you want to share, email [e-mail] this episode of Life Kit was produced by Sam Yellow Horse Kessler. Our visuals editor is Beck Harlan and our digital editor is Malika Grebe. Meghan Keane is our supervising editor and Beth Donovan is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Andy Tagle, Claire Marie Schneider, Margaret Serino, and Sylvie Douglas. Engineering support comes from Zoe Vangenhoven and Patrick Murray. I'M Mariel Segarra. Thanks for listening.

[Unknown]

Well, we hope you're feeling happier after this episode. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. Check out Life Kit on npr. It's for everybody who needs a little help being human. Remember, the best time to start a happiness project is 20 years ago. The second best time is now.

[Gretchen Rubin]

From the Onward project.