Podcast Summary: Happier with Gretchen Rubin

Episode: More Happier: Introducing “Since You Asked with Gretchen Rubin and Lori Gottlieb”
Date: September 27, 2025
Hosts: Gretchen Rubin & Lori Gottlieb

Overview

This special episode serves as a cross-over introduction to Gretchen Rubin’s new podcast, “Since You Asked with Gretchen Rubin and Lori Gottlieb.” The episode gives listeners a taste of the new show, where Gretchen (happiness expert) and Lori (therapist and writer) answer real-life listener dilemmas related to relationships, family, advice, and communication. Themes of emotional labor, boundaries, advice-giving (and when it goes wrong), and navigating tricky interpersonal situations are addressed in lively, empathetic, and practical discussions.

Introduction to “Since You Asked”

[02:00 – 04:07]

• Gretchen excitedly introduces “Since You Asked with Lori Gottlieb and Gretchen Rubin.”
• The podcast is positioned as an advice show tackling complex personal dilemmas that don’t have easy answers, blending Gretchen’s happiness research with Lori’s therapy perspective.
• Origins: Lifelong friends who decided, after a phone conversation, to join forces because of their shared passion for helping others live happier lives.
  • Lori Gottlieb: “When we get excited about something, we move fast. And ta da. Here is since youe asked.” [05:01]
• Listeners play a big role, sending in questions for on-air guidance and offering their own advice through segments like “Wisdom of Crowds.”

About the Hosts

[05:43 – 06:11]

• Lori: Psychotherapist, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, and the New York Times “Ask the Therapist” columnist.
• Gretchen: Best-selling author focusing on happiness and habits (The Happiness Project), host of “Happier with Gretchen Rubin.”
• The new podcast welcomes all dilemmas—big or small, embarrassing, or persistent.

Key Discussion 1: In-Laws, Emotional Labor, and Family Time

Listener Question: “Am I doing a bad job of taking care of my family by leaving my husband’s family relationships up to him?”
[06:54 – 11:24]

• The Dilemma: A listener feels guilty about not taking initiative with her husband’s family, when she’s proactive with her own.
• Lori’s Insight:
  • Highlights the emotional labor women often shoulder.
  • Suggests approaching the topic directly with her husband, acknowledging recurring marital dynamics around family involvement.
  • “I think in general, the division of emotional labor falls more heavily on women.” [07:46]
• Gretchen’s Insight:
  • Reminds that research shows “relationships make us happy” [08:28].
  • Suggests reframing from “his family” vs “my family” to “our family."
  • The responsibility for relationships can and should be shared.
  • “Maybe a way to think about it more is that it’s their family... How would it be fair to set that up?” [08:28]
• Practical Ideas:
  • Consider setting up recurring events (e.g., monthly dinners) to reduce the scheduling burden.
  • Open, curiosity-driven conversations about preferences and values.
  • Modeling inclusive family relationships for the children.
• Quote:
  • Lori: “It’s kind of a couple’s issue of how do we as a couple navigate our family relationships together.” [09:11]
  • Gretchen: “It’s a huge amount of work to make arrangements … It really can feel burdensome.” [10:03]

Key Discussion 2: Poll—Should You Tell a Friend Their Partner Isn't a Good Match?

[11:41 – 16:29]

• Segment “Wisdom of Crowds”: Poll asked if friends should tell each other when they think someone’s partner isn’t a good match (with no red flags, just incompatibility).
  • 56% “only if they ask”
  • 33% “no, it’s not my place”
  • 10% “yes, the person deserves honesty”
  • 2% “only if it affects me”
• Notable Listener Responses:
  • Carol: Shared an unintentional honest comment that made a friend reconsider her relationship. [13:03]
  • Elora: Instead of giving an opinion, she asked, “Are you happy?”—serving as a gentle prompt for reflection [13:16].
  • Mary: Chose not to say anything and years later the couple is still together [13:23].
  • Catherine: Friendship was forever changed after giving an unsolicited opinion [14:14].
  • Melanie: Was on the receiving end; outside opinions on her relationship only soured connections [15:00].
• Hosts’ Takeaways:
  • Gretchen: “I would answer only if they asked... I do like that question from Elora: ‘Are you happy?’” [15:24]
  • Lori: “It’s easy to forget that what might seem like a problem to you... might not bother them at all.” [15:45]
  • Advice: Default to perspective-taking and avoid projecting personal priorities onto others.

Key Discussion 3: Breaking Communication Patterns in Relationships

[18:24 – 23:27]

• Listener Question: How to stop falling into repetitive argument traps with a partner (different approaches to planning, money, etc.)?
• Gretchen:
  • Praises the desire to work on communication rather than change each other.
  • Recognizes that everyone has different values and perspectives (“Planning versus Spontaneity. Some people love to plan like me. Some people love spontaneity. I don’t want any spontaneity at all.”) [18:53]
• Lori:
  • Emphasizes the need for curiosity and understanding each other’s backgrounds (“They had a couple of decades, at least before we met them, to form their own ideas...”) [21:39]
  • Endorses premarital therapy as a way for couples to preemptively develop communication tools [20:02].
• Practical Suggestions:
  • Have calm discussions when not tired, rushed, or hungry.
  • Understand the “why” behind preferences.
  • Find compromises so both partners’ needs are addressed.
  • Lori: “Our suggestions are don’t be hungry or pressed for time. Approach with curiosity, understand the why, and then find ways to respect the differences.” [22:59]

Key Discussion 4: When Advice Goes Wrong

[23:27 – 29:53]

• Segment: “Sometimes Advice Goes Wrong”
• Hosts invite listeners to share stories of ignoring good advice, following bad advice, or giving misguided advice.
• Why Sharing Mistakes Helps:
  • Gretchen: “A really good way to teach someone... is to give them actual, concrete examples of when someone made the wrong choice and what that looked like.” [24:01]
  • Gretchen’s own “law firm letterhead” story as a cautionary tale.
• Listener Stories:
  • Jane (a GP) recognized she gave bad parenting advice before she had kids herself.
  • Shelley & Sarah regretted ignoring advice on moving and home buying.
  • Rose regretted keeping her child in a toxic environment for resilience’s sake.
  • Jess: “In college, my aunt convinced me to drop my English major... I wish she had just told me to push through the first paper.”
  • Christie missed out on a Wall Street Journal internship due to well-meaning but bad advisor advice [27:04].
  • Lisa’s childhood story: Her mom’s snake advice failed because the snake was dead. “Sometimes it can be the best advice in the world and still not right for the situation.” [28:27]
• Key Takeaways:
  • Good advice is not one-size-fits-all—it must fit the person and context.
  • Trust yourself; sometimes even well-intentioned advice can mislead.
  • Advice is often shaped by the giver’s priorities and worldview, not yours.

Key Discussion 5: The Perils of Unsolicited Advice

[31:45 – 36:02]

• Segment: “Unsolicited Advice”—things listeners wish they could tell someone but don’t.
• Examples from Listeners:
  • Telling a friend their relationship is toxic.
  • Advising a newlywed cousin not to get a dog before having a baby.
  • Wishing to tell a friend she talks too much or that someone’s job is “slowly killing” them.
  • Offering wardrobe or hair advice to friends and family (“My friend’s wardrobe makes her look frumpy and she’s so beautiful.” [34:21])
  • Urging someone to see a therapist or take an anxiety screener.
  • Telling someone their negativity is affecting relationships or that they never ask about others’ lives.
  • Notifying someone of a misspelled word on their website.
• Host Reflections:
  • Lori: “A lot of times the unsolicited advice comes from a place of wanting to help and sometimes it comes from a place of wanting to control. And we have to see when that difference happens.” [34:09]
  • Gretchen: “The negativity bias means that we tend to naturally focus on the negative... sometimes you have to make an effort not to get sucked into the negativity bias.” [35:11]
  • Trickiest advice: About infidelity (“Okay, that you cannot say...unless she doesn’t know.”) [35:53]
  • Takeaway: Unsolicited advice can be fraught—even if well-intentioned.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “If there’s one thing that the research shows, it’s that relationships make us happy.” – Gretchen Rubin [03:41, 08:28]
• “At the heart of it, this is about relationships... It’s not his family, her family—it’s their family.” – Gretchen Rubin [08:28]
• “Only if they ask.” – Gretchen Rubin, on telling friends about dubious partners [15:24]
• “Are you happy?” – Elora (listener) [13:16]
• “A way to give good advice is to explain when something went wrong.” – Lori Gottlieb [25:13]
• “Unsolicited advice can be so tricky. And so we want to hear more of your experiences because we also think we can learn a lot from what people wish they could tell other people.” – Lori Gottlieb [37:16]

Community Engagement & Next Episode Teaser

[38:02 – End]

• Hosts encourage listeners to submit their own dilemmas and advice stories via their website and social media.
• Teaser Question for Next Episode:
  • Rebecca struggles with boundary issues on a family group text, as caregiving frustrations spill out from her sister. Listeners are asked for their advice and ideas for healthy boundaries in family communication.

Notable Timestamps

• 02:00 – Podcast introduction and “Since You Asked” premise
• 06:54 – Listener question on in-laws, emotional labor, and family allegiances
• 11:41 – Wisdom of Crowds: Should you warn a friend about a poor relationship match?
• 18:24 – Cordelia’s question on recurring arguments and communication styles in relationships
• 23:27 – When advice goes wrong—host and listener anecdotes
• 31:45 – Unsolicited advice—the struggle, listeners’ real-life examples
• 38:02 – Book recommendation: Best Friends, Worst Enemies by Michael Thompson
• 38:35 – Teaser for the next episode’s family text dilemma

Tone & Style

• Warm, conversational, encouraging, and empathetic.
• Both hosts draw from research, personal experience, and lived wisdom, fostering a sense of supportive community.
• Listener participation is actively sought and respected.

Summary for New Listeners

This episode is an engaging, thoughtful blend of practical advice and genuine reflection on the complicated realities of relationships, habit-building, and boundary-setting. Gretchen Rubin and Lori Gottlieb use their complementary expertise (happiness and psychology) to offer nuanced answers—and demonstrate that sometimes, the best advice is learning to listen, reflect, and respect differing perspectives. This new show promises interactive, crowd-sourced wisdom and real-talk about life’s stickiest issues, inviting the audience to share, support, and find humor in imperfection.