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Happier with Gretchen Rubin
More Happier: Returning to Routine? 7 Strategies to Make it Easier [Revisited]
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- [00:00]
Elizabeth
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- [00:19]
Chuck
ADT offers tools and services like 247 monitoring and cameras. You can check from virtually anywhere with the ADT plus app. Visit ADT.com or call 1-800-ADT ASAP. Don't settle for Safish. Get ADT.
- [00:35]
Elizabeth
From Fitness Routines to mental resilience, navigating personal goals to tackling burnout, we all.
- [00:41]
Gretchen
Need a little help being human.
- [00:43]
Elizabeth
That's what the Life Kit podcast from NPR is here to do. If you're looking to move with more intention or just need thoughtful guidance on living better, Life Kit delivers strategies to help you make meaningful, sustainable change. Life doesn't come with a manual, but every day you're making choices such some big, some small, that shape the direction of your life. Life Kit offers real stories, relevant insights and clear takeaways to help you meet those decision making moments with confidence and clarity.
- [01:12]
Gretchen Rubin
The thing about Life Kit is I.
- [01:13]
Chuck
Feel like so often the episodes are specifically what I need at the moment.
- [01:17]
Gretchen Rubin
Like they recently did a one about.
- [01:19]
Chuck
Dealing with neck pain. When I was dealing with neck pain, the timing was so perfect to give me those practical tips that I needed. With Life Kit, you get help tackling common issues like relationships, finances, parenting and your career. Then you walk away with a plan you can implement right away. Life Kit isn't just another podcast about self improvement. It's about understanding how to live a little better. Starting now. Listen now to the Life Kit podcast from npr.
- [01:46]
Gretchen
Lemonade.
- [02:01]
Gretchen Rubin
Hello, we're here for more Happier.
- [02:03]
Chuck
A podcast where we gets happier. It's the weekend. It's a looser vibe and Elizabeth, now that summer is winding down, you've been telling me that you're having a hard time shifting gears.
- [02:15]
Gretchen
I am. It's like I know it's time to.
- [02:17]
Elizabeth
Get back into my routine, which comes with the school year, but part of me just does not want to. I love summer. I always drag my feet when it's.
- [02:26]
Gretchen
Time to settle back in, but I.
- [02:29]
Elizabeth
Know I do better when I stick to my habits. But even thinking about restarting them feels overwhelming. As I say every year, well, I.
- [02:36]
Chuck
Mean this is what so many people say every year. We know the habits.
- [02:39]
Gretchen Rubin
We want to start back up after.
- [02:41]
Chuck
The summer but, you know, it's hard and nothing is sticking. So this seemed like the perfect time to revisit our episode 360. It is a back to the basics episode. The seven core strategies that come up again and again if we're trying to.
- [02:55]
Gretchen Rubin
Make a habit stick.
- [02:57]
Elizabeth
A well timed intervention for me, Gretch.
- [02:59]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes.
- [03:00]
Chuck
So if you're feeling the same resistance as Elizabeth, these habit strategies may give you a way forward. Especially now.
- [03:06]
Gretchen
I can use all the help I can get.
- [03:09]
Elizabeth
Let's listen.
- [03:12]
Gretchen Rubin
Well, habits are the invisible architecture of everyday life. Research shows about 40% of our lives are shaped by habits. So the habits make a big difference if we're trying to be happier, healthier, more productive, more creative. And we have to think about what works for us. And so we're gonna talk about several ideas today. Because just because something works for me, Gretchen, doesn't mean that it works for you, Elizabeth. And vice versa.
- [03:34]
Gretchen
Yeah. Like someone who's a night person trying to wake up with morning people. It's like they're trying to do something that's not right for them.
- [03:42]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes.
- [03:43]
Gretchen
And I realized that, like, Adam is a night person, not a morning person. And I never am like, why don't.
- [03:48]
Elizabeth
You go to bed?
- [03:49]
Gretchen
Because I'm like, he's a night person.
- [03:50]
Gretchen Rubin
He's a night person. So there is no magic one size fits all solution. And you're far more likely to succeed when you do it in the way that's right for you. And so, in Better than Before, my book about habit change, I outline all 21 of the strategies we can use. And they're all powerful, they're all effective. And it's good that there's so many, because that means we can pick and choose.
- [04:09]
Gretchen
Some work at some times, but not all the time. And some work for some people, but not other people. So you have to figure out what's right for you.
- [04:18]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah. I always say, now. Now, when people ask me, like, what's the best way or what's the right way? I say, yeah, what's the best way to cook an egg? And they're like, well, it depends. It depends on how you like your eggs. Or maybe you don't even like eggs. So you have to choose. Yes.
- [04:35]
Gretchen
Yes, of course, Gretchen. We all wish there was one magic solution, but there just isn't.
- [04:40]
Gretchen Rubin
Right.
- [04:40]
Gretchen
Okay, but, Gretchen, there are definitely some that are more popular, more universal. So those are the ones we want to present. So where should we start?
- [04:50]
Gretchen Rubin
Right, so if you want a list of all 21, I'll post a link if you want just like a catalog or of course you can read better than before because I go into all 21 at great depth. But today we're going to do the starter pack. We're going to do the seven that are the most universal and the ones that are the most popular. And we're going to start with one that I think people often skip because they're eager to just get going. They see somebody else having great success. They read about something and they're like, oh, I'm going to try it.
- [05:17]
Chuck
And.
- [05:17]
Gretchen Rubin
But the most important thing is self knowledge and knowing. Like what works for you, what's worked in the past, what kind of person are you? And this is where the four tendencies framework comes in.
- [05:28]
Gretchen
Yes, Gretchen, the four tendencies came out of your work about habits. You realize people have these different tendencies. I'm an obliger, which is the biggest category. And if people don't know their tendency, obviously they should take the quiz.
- [05:42]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah, go to GretchenRubin.com FourTendencies F O U R tendencies and you can take the quiz and it will tell you whether you're an upholder, a questioner, an obliger or rebel. And the reason, without getting into all of the like, how you know and the test, what is really important about knowing your tendency is that your tendency really will shape what works for you and what doesn't work for you. And so for instance, if somebody keeps saying to you, well, why don't you just make a to do list, write down everything that you need to get done in a day and just cross things off. And you think to yourself, well, the minute I make a to do list, I just like, I want to not do anything on that list. It's like, oh, that's a rebel thing. A lot of rebels feel that way and they've had, they have other strategies to get things done. But the to do list is a tool that often doesn't work for them. Or like you said, accountability. Obligers have to have outer accountability. Outer accountability. They can't think about self care or priorities or keeping their promises to themselves. They need outer accountability. And it's like once you realize that's what you need, a lot of times that means that people can stop experimenting with things that will leave them frustrated and discouraged because it doesn't work. They can really focus their energies on the kind of strategies that are more likely to work for them. Because there's nothing worse than like, you know, somebody like my husband just gets up and goes for a five mile run every day. Before breakfast. Why can't I? It's like you have the fact that somebody else can do that doesn't really give you any insight into whether that's going to be something that works for you. So that's what the four tendency goes to.
- [07:16]
Gretchen
And it's not a moral thing.
- [07:18]
Gretchen Rubin
No. All the tendencies have strengths and weaknesses. All of them include people who are wildly successful and people who are less successful. And no one's happier, healthier, more productive, more creative. It's just about knowing yourself and setting up a situation in the way that works for you. And it just turns out that the four tendencies is something that has a huge consequences for the kind of things that are going to work for you. So the first strategy that we would suggest in the starter pack is the strategy of the four tendencies. And that is a strategy that goes to self knowledge. But another strategy, the second strategy, also goes to self knowledge. So here we're not even working on a habit yet. We're just thinking about how to work on a habit. So these are good ones to have under your belt. They take reflection but not action, which is maybe it's kind of nice. So this is the strategy of distinctions. And so you mentioned a distinction earlier, Elizabeth, when you said, well, Adam is a night person, so I'm not going to expect him to get up and do something first thing in the morning because that doesn't work for night people. So that's a very obvious distinction. Morning people and night people. This is something that is largely genetically determined and a function of age. It is not the case that if everybody went to bed on time, everybody could get up early and be highly efficient and effective night people. That's a real thing. So that's an important distinction. For example, and then you have a.
- [08:39]
Gretchen
Bunch of others which are useful, which is, are you a marathoner or a sprinter?
- [08:43]
Gretchen Rubin
Yes.
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Gretchen
Are you an underbuyer or an overbuyer finisher or an opener? Are you a novelty lover or a familiarity lover?
- [08:52]
Gretchen Rubin
Another one, a distinction that's so important that it actually is pulled out in its own strategy. Of the 21 strategies is the distinction between abstainers and moderators. That's really important if you're trying to have a habit. That is where you're asking yourself to resist a temptation, because moderators and abstainers resist temptation in very different ways. I am an abstainer 100%. Also, something that comes up a lot that you see is the difference, the distinction between simplicity lovers and abundance lovers. This is something that I figured out when I was working on my book Outer Order Inner Calm because I realized there's all this thing about minimalism and simplicity and like, get rid of everything that you're not actually needing. And then I was like, but some people don't want that. Some people like abundance and profusion and collections and choice and buzz and a lot going on. And to me, that feels the Chachki people of life. Yeah. I mean, to them, my kind of environment feels sterile and stripped. So it's like we're not all aiming at the same place. So it's very helpful to know. And, and if you're living with somebody or working with somebody who has a very different preference from you, it can be helpful to think. It's not that one of us is right and one of us is wrong and one of us needs to change. It's just there's a distinction. I'm an abundance lover, you're a simplicity lover. Like, how do we create an environment where we both feel comfortable rather than trying to argue about who's right? Because what's the best way to cook an egg?
- [10:18]
Gretchen
Exactly right. Coming up, we're going to talk about one of the most powerful strategies, monitoring. But first, this break.
- [10:33]
Elizabeth
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- [11:03]
Chuck
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- [11:55]
Gretchen Rubin
With Monarch Money, it's an all in.
- [11:57]
Chuck
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- [12:09]
Elizabeth
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- [12:41]
Gretchen
Okay, Gretchen, our third strategy is monitoring. Tell us about monitoring and why it is so powerful.
- [12:48]
Gretchen Rubin
Okay, so I want everyone to notice that I'm talking about the big three. And so far, nothing has been asked of anyone other than they just notice, right? Because a lot of times people jump into habit change without noticing. So the strategy of monitoring is just notice what you're doing. And the thing that's interesting about monitoring is it has an almost uncanny power, even if you're not actually trying to change. What research shows is that if you monitor what you do, whether that's what time you go to sleep at night, how many times each week you read to your child, how often you lose your temper, how much you're spending just by monitoring, you start to begin to act in a way that's more in alignment with the way you want to act. So just by tracking it, monitoring it, you tend to help yourself do a better job. But then once you're actively engaged in a habit that you're trying to change and you're really trying to shape it and really trying to hold yourself to something, monitoring really helps keep you honest because you. And it also gives you credit. Like, maybe you're not giving yourself enough credit. I mean, I think sometimes people are like, oh, I never spend any time with my kids. But it's like, well, why don't you monitor that and see how much time are you actually spending on that? Or I never cook. But it's like, well, actually, I cook about three times a week. It's like, well, that's not nothing. So monitoring can be really, really powerful to help people.
- [14:14]
Gretchen
And just question, should you be writing this down, not just noticing it? Like, if you write it down, it's probably more impactful.
- [14:22]
Gretchen Rubin
Absolutely. No, I think you really need to write it down and monitor it because maybe it's helpful day to day to think, well, did I do it or did I not do it? But I think for most people, it's like Seeing the pattern over time for a number of reasons. One is, if you write it down and you're monitoring it, that's going to push you to have a resolution that's concrete and specific. Because you don't want something like, I want to eat more healthfully. Because what does that mean? You want, like, to turn that into actual resolutions that you can monitor. Like, I want to cook three times a week. I want to stop eating. I want to never eat fast food. I want to, you know, have ice cream Saturday. That's what Jamie has. He only has. He never eats dessert except on Saturday. And so it's like, it's ice cream.
- [15:06]
Gretchen
Saturday, and I can report. He goes all the way on Saturday. He doesn't hold back.
- [15:11]
Gretchen Rubin
He goes hard on Saturday. It's like, yeah, but only on Saturday. So, you know, you can monitor that also. You can start to see patterns and questioners out there. That's probably something that is particularly interesting to you, which is like, oh, I'm really doing a much better job during the week and I'm struggling on the weekend, or I'm doing a much better job. When we were out of town, I had no trouble doing this, but when I'm at home, it's harder. Like, you start to see patterns, you start to get. Begin to get insights that then you can maybe start tweaking your habit so that you do a better job of maintaining it. And then also, for many people, I mean, I have a Don't Break the Chain journal, a tracker that I created, and I'll put a link to that in the show notes if anybody wants to take a look at it. For a lot of people, trying to keep up a streak is really powerful. Like, once they get that streak going, they really want to keep it going. And don't break the chain is one way of doing the strategy of monitoring, because you're really trying to do it day to day to day, and I think that's really, really powerful.
- [16:07]
Gretchen
Yeah, I know a lot of people want their meditation streak.
- [16:10]
Gretchen Rubin
Oh, yeah, your rest streak. Like, anything. Keep up your streak. Yeah. In fact, that's. I think that's exactly what we're thinking that people will do, is they're going to try to do it every day or most days, at least. Yeah.
- [16:20]
Gretchen
Okay, Gretch, what is the fourth strategy?
- [16:23]
Gretchen Rubin
Well, very fittingly, the fourth strategy that we're going to talk about is divided in four parts, which is the strategy of foundation. And again, this is. We're talking about everything that's setting you up to start strong the strategy of foundation is a strategy that harnesses the observation that certain habits go right to the core of our ability to maintain self control and to keep our good habits. So if you're going to start anywhere, you want to start with the foundation, because a strong foundation is going to make it easier to do all the other things that you want to do. And so what you want to think about foundation is you want to think about making sure you get enough sleep. So maybe you're, you are a sleep zealot, I'm a sleep zealot. And Maybe your rest 22 and 22 is that you're going to go to sleep 22 minutes earlier every night where somebody said that they were going to use the 24 hour clock and go to bed at 2200 hours. Which I thought was very clever. Right. Tapping into the 22 of it.
- [17:20]
Gretchen
All right.
- [17:22]
Gretchen Rubin
I thought that was very, very imaginative. Because when we had that sleep, that just sleep, we have so much more energy. Everything feels easier when you're well rested. Along the same lines, exercise, that was walk 20 and 20, because exercise and you don't need to be training for the marathon exercise. It works in both directions. It both gives us more energy, but it also helps us sleep. We fall asleep more deeply and we're more likely to sleep through the night if we get enough exercise. So those are key. Sleeping and exercising and then eating and drinking. Right. Paradoxically, a lot of times the reason that people eat unhealthfully is they let themselves get too hungry. Like, you know, you skip breakfast, you skip lunch, and then you're so hungry you're just like running for the, like open up some crinkly bag because you just, you know, you can't wait. So you want to eat and drink. Right. And then the fourth one is not a universal one. Elizabeth, you can speak to. This is uncluttered. For most people, outer order contributes to inner calm and helps them feel organized and in control. But Elizabeth, do you want to speak to the clutterblind?
- [18:28]
Gretchen
Yes. I was going to say unless you're like me and you're clutterblind. The example I use that I think everybody gets is the open cabinet door. That if I live by myself, if I opened a cabinet door in the kitchen, it could stay open for two years and I would not notice. Whereas if you walked into my kitchen and there was an open cabinet door, you'd be saying, why is this open? Is something wrong or is something getting fixed? What's happening? And I just don't see it. It's not that I willfully want it to have clutter, it's that I don't register it, so it doesn't bother me.
- [19:03]
Gretchen Rubin
Well, when I was writing Outer Order, Inner Calm, I spent a lot of time thinking about you as an example. And that's why I called it clutter blind, because it just doesn't back up on you. It's like everything being equal. You'd like to have it be tidy and orderly, but you don't really care. You don't see it. So creating outer order is valuable if it's something that makes you feel more in control of your environment, more in control of yourself, more peaceful, more energized, more focused. But if it doesn't matter to you, then skip that one because it is just a preference.
- [19:37]
Gretchen
Yes. And, Gretchen, I love when you say about foundation, just treat yourself like a toddler to the eating and the sleeping and the moving. Just treat yourself like a puppy or.
- [19:46]
Gretchen Rubin
Treat yourself like a puppy. It's like, you don't let Nacho get hungry. You don't let Nacho get overtired. Make sure that Nacho gets lots of playtime. You've been talking about that a lot. He needs his exercise if he's gonna feel good. Yeah. So that's the strategy of foundation.
- [20:01]
Gretchen
Okay, and what's the fifth strategy?
- [20:03]
Gretchen Rubin
Okay, well, Elizabeth, I did kind of cheat here because I decided there's the strategy of convenience and the strategy of inconvenience in my 21 strategies. But I decided, like, okay, well, we'll just combine them. So. Okay. Yeah. So convenience and inconvenience, very simple research shows that it is just hilarious how much more likely we are to do something if it's even slightly more convenient, and how we're less likely to do something if it's slightly less convenient. So we can harness this for our good habits. So they did this research showing that if people were at a salad bar, they took less food if they had to use tongs instead of spoons, because it's just more work to use tongs. You know, you're like. And so anything you can do. So, for instance, if you don't want to watch TV as much, instead of keeping your remote control right in front of the television set, you might keep it on a high shelf in a completely different room where the TV's off. And then if you're gonna turn it on, you're gonna have to walk and get that remote. Or if you don't wanna eat the ice cream, it's like, if you're Ice cream Saturday. But you live in a house in the basement. You might be like, okay, I'm gonna put it in the basement freezer in a plastic bag so that if I go get it, I have to really be. It's not that thing where at 11pm I wake to reality and realize that I've just eaten half a gallon of ice cream or something like that.
- [21:22]
Gretchen
Yeah. I mean, Gretchen, to this point, a friend of mine moved her peloton from like her bedroom to a room down the hall and she said now she's never using her peloton. I mean, even though the whole thing of a peloton is exercise, you'd think it wouldn't matter that you had to walk an extra 20 steps. Yeah, but it, it's impacting her, so she needs to move it back to her bedroom.
- [21:45]
Gretchen Rubin
Perfect example. That little bit of extra inconvenience is actually derailing a whole habit. Even though it seems like, what difference can it make?
- [21:52]
Gretchen
This is the reason many people say sleep in their exercise clothes. I had a friend in college who slept in his crew clothes every night.
- [22:00]
Gretchen Rubin
Look, you know, it's just that much more convenient. Yes.
- [22:03]
Gretchen
Okay, Gretch. Coming up, we're going to talk about one of my favorite strategies. Pairing. But first, this break.
- [22:15]
Chuck
I had such a wonderful time on.
- [22:17]
Gretchen Rubin
My book tour for Secrets of Adulthood.
- [22:19]
Chuck
This year, I visited 15 cities without a single travel complication. When has that ever happened? I learned so much by road tripping across the country. First, I learned how grateful I am for the kind people who help others stow their carry on bags. Hoisting my bag over my head is my least favorite part of the travel process, and I so appreciated the thoughtful people who helped me out. Also, I learned the importance of airline apps. It makes a huge difference to have the actual app for an airline on your phone. In fact, these days, perhaps it's not really possible to fly without having the airline Apple.
- [22:55]
Elizabeth
Another app that's a must have while traveling Airbnb. Not only can you find amazing places to stay, you can also host your own space on Airbnb while you're away. It's just a smart thing to do. Bring in a little extra cash for yourself and open up a place for someone else to stop over on their cross country trip. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much@airbnb.com host let's talk about the Defender 110. It is a vehicle built for the modern explorer.
- [23:28]
Gretchen
Gretch.
- [23:28]
Elizabeth
I have a friend who's extremely adventurous and she loves her Defender 110. It's a vehicle that looks tough because it is tough. The Defender boasts an exterior design for optimum durability. It has a raised hood and sculpted grille that give the Defender 110amodern edge.
- [23:47]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah, there's 3D surround cameras with Clearsight ground view that let you see underneath the vehicle and anticipate obstacles in rough terrain. Clearsight Rear view offers an unobstructed rear view even when you can't see through the back window. Driver aid technologies make driving and parking simpler.
- [24:05]
Chuck
Intuitive driver displays are customizable to your journey.
- [24:09]
Gretchen Rubin
Design your Defender 110 at landroverusa.com Visit land roverusa.com to learn more about the Defender 110. Explore the Defender 110 at landroverusa dot.
- [24:24]
Gretchen
Com okay, Gretchen, we are back with our sixth habit strategy of pairing.
- [24:30]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah, now, pairing is a pretty like on the. In the hierarchy of the 21, I would say pairing is sort of a more minor one, but it's very powerful and it's very easy. So it's very attractive to people and also podcast listeners. This is a really good strategy for podcast listeners. With pairing, you choose the activity that you're trying to do that you're trying to form a habit of doing something, and you pair it either with something that you love to do, that you're very eager to do, or really something that you actually have to do. And so pairing is these things go together. And it's not that if you do one, you reward yourself by doing the second one. It's that they only happen together. So, for instance, in college I had a rule that I could only take a shower if I exercised. And so, you know, you go a day, you go to, you're like, I really want to take a shower. I have to exercise. Because those things were paired.
- [25:27]
Gretchen
Yes. Or for me, it's watching the Real Housewives on the treadmill. I'll be. I will definitely want to watch the Real Housewives enough to get on that treadmill.
- [25:37]
Gretchen Rubin
Right. And people often use a podcast for this. They have a podcast that they love or an audiobook that they love, and they think, well, I'm only going to listen if I'm cleaning, if I'm walking, if I, you know, whatever it is that they're trying to get themselves to do, if it's something that's compatible with listening, they save it and they only let those things happen together. And Elizabeth, I have to say, like, because we talk about habits so much, it's really Fun. Whenever listeners say, oh, they use happier as part as one half of their pair.
- [26:07]
Gretchen
Yes. I love it. My friend Mindy listens to us when she walks her dog. And I always know when. If she says, oh, I just listened to the podcast. I know she just walked her dog.
- [26:18]
Gretchen Rubin
Right. So if you're trying to get yourself to go walking more often or walk your dog more often, yet you pair it together. So that's good. So that can be really powerful.
- [26:25]
Gretchen
And then, Gretchen, our final strategy, I happen to know is your favorite.
- [26:30]
Gretchen Rubin
It's everybody's favorite.
- [26:32]
Gretchen
Yeah. That is the strategy of treats. Explain this, because it's not rewards.
- [26:39]
Gretchen Rubin
It's not rewards.
- [26:40]
Gretchen
I think people need to understand this.
- [26:42]
Gretchen Rubin
It's key to understand the difference between treats and rewards. We're not going to talk about rewards right now. Read the book better than before. I'll post a link to a discussion of rewards. If you want to understand why rewards are tricky when it comes to habits. Reward is something that you get if you deserve it or you earn it. A treat is something you get just because you want it. You feel like a treat. You get a treat. You do not have to be good. You do not have to do anything in order to get the treat. And treats are crucial for habits because when we give more to ourselves, we can ask more from ourselves. And when we feel like we're not getting enough treats, we start to feel depleted, we start to feel resentful, we start to feel like, well, it's too much to ask me to do this and to do that and to do the other. And getting a treat helps us feel, like, energized and cared for.
- [27:33]
Gretchen
Yeah. And really, Gretchen, this should be called healthy treats because you want the treats to be healthy. You don't want to give yourself a treat that actually works against what you're trying to achieve.
- [27:45]
Gretchen Rubin
Right. I mean, you don't want to do something to make yourself feel better that just in the end makes you feel worse. And so almost anything could be a healthy treat for someone. But we each have to say, like, for me, is this a healthy treat? Like, is watching TV a healthy treat? Is having an extra brownie. Buying something online as a treat. For some people, maybe that could be a healthy treat. Like Elizabeth, I think when you were really stressed out, you kind of held the impulse to do online shopping. And so you got way ahead on your holiday gifts. And so that was a way. It was sort of a treat for you, but you found a way to make it a healthy treat because in the end, it made Your life a lot easier, like when December rolled around. So each of us should try to have a long list of healthy treats. Elizabeth, can you think of some healthy treats for yourself?
- [28:32]
Gretchen
Well, my newest healthy treat, which I never thought I would see as a treat, Gretchen is playing with Nacho the puppy. Yeah, I love to just, especially now that I'm working from home. This is a great treat because I can take, if we have a 10 minute break, 20 minute break, I can go outside, toss the ball. It's great for him, and it just kind of clears my head. I never thought that I would see playing with a dog as a treat, but I do.
- [29:00]
Gretchen Rubin
Right. Well, and also, like, let's just from a happiness perspective, you're out in the sunlight, you're moving your body, you're like distracted, but it doesn't require you. It's like you're not ruminating, but you're not having to think deeply about something. It's a great. And you're engaging with your relationship with your dog. So that's a great. That's a really, really good health. And it's fun. That's the most important thing. It's fun. What else? Anything else?
- [29:23]
Chuck
Yes.
- [29:24]
Gretchen
And, Gretchen, one of my favorite treats and mug people will understand this is using my fancy mugs. I have certain mugs that I think I've mentioned this, that I only reserve for the weekend. And I love using my fancy mugs. But then if I really do need a treat, I can pull one out at any time.
- [29:44]
Gretchen Rubin
Right, right.
- [29:44]
Gretchen
And you're still like, I love my fancy mugs.
- [29:47]
Gretchen Rubin
Well, you send a picture and I'll post it in the show notes so people can see your fancy mugs. Yeah. You are. You are a mug person. I am now. Any others? Because we should all have long lists. What are some of yours?
- [29:56]
Gretchen
Yes. I also love crossword puzzles, unlike doing, like a game online. And we've talked about my candy crush problem. I used to have a crossword puzzle is like a physical crossword puzzle. You know, one that's like in the newspaper or in a magazine. I find to be a great treat. How about you?
- [30:16]
Gretchen Rubin
Well, I will say one of Jamie's treats is to do crossword puzzles. And in fact, he. But he often does them on his iPad. And so it'll be like all of a sudden, from some corner, I'll hear the little musical song that it plays. When you successfully complete a crossword puzzle, it'll play. And I'm like, oh, Jamie's having a healthy treat.
- [30:34]
Gretchen
I love it.
- [30:35]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah, it's Fun. But my healthy treats, I love beautiful scents. So sometimes it's. It's putting on a beautiful perfume. I have, like, 17 of my favorites, and so I'll put on one of my favorite perfumes, or I'll even just do something like smell a bottle of vanilla or smell some ginger or, like, clean towels. That is, to me, is such a lovely treat.
- [30:56]
Gretchen
Clean towels.
- [30:56]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah. And then, of course, you know, I'm such a huge fan of children's literature and young adult literature. Sometimes if I. If I need a treat treat, I'll go back and reread something, one of my favorite passages or one of my favorite chapters just to kind of give me that, like, little hit of pleasure. And lately, one of my big treats has been working on my book of aphorisms. Like, this is my hooky book. You know, it's like I sneak away from my other work, and I'm like, I think I can write an aphorism about something. Or, like, I'll write one down. That. Or I collect the proverbs of the professions, and I'll be like, ooh, I got some good ones. I'm gonna put them in. So that is a real treat. It's not a treat, but treats are very specific.
- [31:33]
Gretchen
Yeah. Some might not find that to be a treat, but you do. That's what makes you you, Gretch.
- [31:39]
Gretchen Rubin
That's. That's true. That's true. So, Elizabeth, of the 21 strategies, what do you think are your favorite strategies?
- [31:46]
Gretchen
My favorite are definitely accountability. Because I am an obliger. Accountability is just very necessary for me. And then pairing, you know, I love pairing.
- [31:58]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah.
- [31:59]
Gretchen
I just. I find it to be, like, uplifting as opposed to oppressive.
- [32:03]
Gretchen Rubin
Right. Well, and the treadmill desk. It's funny, now that we're doing more happier, we have our segment about happiness lessons from the Real Housewives. So I feel like you have the accountability to our audience that you need to be gleaning these lessons.
- [32:17]
Gretchen
Exactly.
- [32:18]
Gretchen Rubin
You got to keep yourself. Keep yourself immersed in the world of the Real Housewives.
- [32:22]
Gretchen
That's right. How about you? What are your favorites? Well, I know your favorite is treats.
- [32:26]
Gretchen Rubin
I love treats. Love treats. I also love the four tendencies because that's my creation. And so I just am endlessly fascinated with anything that taps into the four tendencies or illuminates the four tendencies. And I also love loopholes. Loopholes are so hilarious. The loopholes that people come up with that I come up with. We're so ingenious about how to let ourselves off the hook. I just I find it endlessly entertaining.
- [32:54]
Gretchen
I always forget how helpful it is.
- [32:56]
Elizabeth
To have these strategies laid out together like that. Yeah, I'm going to go back to the strategy of treats, Gretch. Specifically my fancy mugs. You know, I love breaking out a fancy mug as a treat. I've been neglecting them.
- [33:12]
Gretchen Rubin
Yeah, the Seattle mug.
- [33:14]
Elizabeth
Exactly. I used to love starting the day with one of my Seattle mugs and somehow I stopped.
- [33:22]
Chuck
Well, Elizabeth, are you feeling happier?
- [33:25]
Elizabeth
I am happier. Thank you to Chuck and everyone at Lemonada. If you want to hear this show and others ad free, remember to subscribe@lemonadapremium.com.
- [33:34]
Chuck
And remember, the best time to start a happiness project is 20 years ago. The second best time is now from the onward project.
- [34:02]
Gretchen
Hi Gretchen, Craig Robinson and my little sister Michelle here we host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. We know you're the queen of giving advice, so we wanted to get a few tips from you.
- [34:17]
Elizabeth
You know, Gretchen, a lot of our.
- [34:19]
Gretchen Rubin
Listeners are going through some major life changes.
- [34:22]
Elizabeth
What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of major life transitions?
- [34:29]
Chuck
Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you. Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective. So consider questions like this. What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me? Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else.
- [34:53]
Gretchen Rubin
But is not very important to me? If I could magically change one habit.
- [34:59]
Chuck
In my life, what would I choose? And here's a question. Would I like to have more time in solitude, restorative solitude, or would I like to have more time with friends?
- [35:12]
Gretchen Rubin
You know, just thinking about questions like.
- [35:14]
Chuck
This can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier.
- [35:19]
Gretchen Rubin
With greater self knowledge, we're better able.
- [35:21]
Chuck
To make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values.
- [35:27]
Gretchen Rubin
In my own case, I have found.
- [35:28]
Chuck
That the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the.
- [35:32]
Gretchen Rubin
More grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition.
- [35:38]
Chuck
For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. Wherever you get podcasts, you can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships, Keke Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success, Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents and so many more.