More Happier: Revisiting Everyone’s Favorite Moment: The Gift of the Ped Egg

Summary

Happier with Gretchen Rubin: Episode Summary - "More Happier: Revisiting Everyone’s Favorite Moment: The Gift of the Ped Egg"

Release Date: March 8, 2025

In this engaging episode of "Happier with Gretchen Rubin," Gretchen Rubin and her cohost, Elizabeth Craft, embark on a nostalgic journey, revisiting one of their most beloved moments from the podcast's first decade: the infamous "Ped Egg" story. This episode is a blend of humor, heartfelt listener interactions, practical happiness hacks, and insightful discussions aimed at fostering deeper self-awareness and joy in everyday life.

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Revisiting the Ped Egg Moment

Elizabeth Craft initiates the episode with enthusiasm, declaring, "we are revisiting the famous ped egg story," identifying it as her all-time favorite moment from the podcast's history (01:27). This story has evidently resonated deeply with their audience, as multiple listeners share their fond memories and laughter associated with the episode.

• Listener Feedback Highlights:
  • Shirley finds the conversation "cracks me up every time" (02:02).
  • Julie praises the episode, stating, "Best story ever" and expresses a desire to hear it weekly (02:17).
  • Bentini80 and Anna echo similar sentiments, highlighting the universal appeal and humor of the Ped Egg narrative (02:27).

Understanding the Ped Egg

To ensure all listeners are on the same page, Elizabeth explains the functionality of a ped egg. The ped egg is a tool designed for foot care, specifically for scraping calluses. It comes in both electric and manual versions, featuring a unique egg shape that allows users to efficiently remove dead skin without much effort (03:15).

Gretchen Rubin adds a personal touch by sharing her own experience of gifting an electric ped egg to her mother-in-law, expressing hope that it was received well and highlighting the potential for such gifts to be misinterpreted despite good intentions (03:44).

Listener Stories: Reviving Friendships and the Engagement Ring

The conversation seamlessly transitions into listener stories that illustrate the impact of reconnecting with others and finding meaning in personal losses.

• Miriam's Story: Miriam shares her joyous experience of reviving a dormant friendship through Google, leading to meaningful reconnections with childhood friends (04:12). Her story underscores the podcast's encouragement to reach out and rekindle old relationships.

• Allison's Engagement Ring: Allison recounts her emotional journey after losing her engagement ring. Although she hasn't found the ring, she chose to honor her grandmother’s ring by having it sized, repaired, appraised, and insured. This act of preserving sentimental value brought her peace and connected her with others through shared stories and support (05:26).

Happiness Hack: Having Something to Look Forward To

Transitioning to practical advice, Elizabeth introduces the "Try this at home" segment, focusing on the importance of having something to look forward to as a source of happiness.

Key Insights:

• Anticipatory Pleasure: The excitement and anticipation of upcoming events can significantly boost happiness, even sometimes surpassing the joy derived from the events themselves (07:25).

• ABC Framework: Elizabeth outlines a three-tiered approach to planning:

  • Big: Major events like a weekend getaway or live show (09:19).
  • Medium: Activities such as a girls' night out (09:32).
  • Small: Everyday pleasures like watching a favorite TV show (10:02).

Personal Examples:

• Elizabeth shares her family's tradition of watching "Downton Abbey" together, highlighting how shared experiences create lasting joy and something to anticipate (10:36).

• Gretchen emphasizes the role of anticipation in overcoming challenging periods by having scheduled events to look forward to, enhancing overall well-being (10:57).

Know Yourself Better: Reactions to Well-Intentioned Gifts

In the "Know yourself better" segment, the hosts delve into the complexities of gift-giving and the emotions it can evoke, even when gifts are given with the best intentions.

Elizabeth's Experience:

• Gardenia Plant: Elizabeth recounts receiving a gardenia plant from her partner, which, despite its beauty and thoughtfulness, made her feel anxious about her ability to care for it. This unease stemmed from a personal fear of failure rather than any flaw in the gift itself (19:08).

Gretchen's Experience:

• Soup Cookbook: Gretchen shares how receiving a soup cookbook from a friend, despite her love for soup, made her uneasy because it highlighted her lack of follow-through in cooking. This instance served as a mirror to her self-awareness, revealing internal conflicts about her habits (20:23).

Discussion on Passive-Aggressive Gifts:

• The hosts humorously explore the idea of gifts that unintentionally convey unintended messages, such as giving someone a scale or a ped egg. Elizabeth shares her own misstep of gifting a ped egg to her mother-in-law, highlighting the delicate balance between thoughtfulness and potential misinterpretation (22:08).

Philosophical Insight:

• They reference Andy Warhol's quote on the unpredictability of others' emotional reactions, reinforcing the idea that understanding one's own responses to gifts can lead to greater self-knowledge and emotional intelligence (24:20).

Listener Question: Navigating NaNoWriMo as an Obligant

Elizabeth submits a listener question about participating in National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) amidst a busy life, expressing anxiety about balancing commitments and the fear of not meeting daily word counts.

Gretchen's Advice:

1. Scheduling: Allocate specific times in the calendar dedicated to writing, treating them as non-negotiable appointments to ensure consistency (28:28).

2. If-Then Planning: Anticipate potential obstacles and prepare actionable responses. For example, "If I have a lot of grading, then I will write during my lunch break" (28:28).

3. Avoiding Loopholes: Recognize and combat excuses that can derail progress, such as the false choice of balancing grading and writing simultaneously or assuming future availability (32:36).

4. Accountability: Utilize external accountability by informing others about the commitment, leveraging both personal and community support to stay on track (31:00).

Elizabeth's Self-Reflection:

• As an obliger, Elizabeth acknowledges the challenge of meeting inner expectations but highlights the importance of leveraging her tendency to fulfill outer expectations through community support and personal accountability (32:03).

Promoting Effective Learning and Diabetes Management

While primarily content-focused, the episode includes brief mentions of educational tools and health products:

• IXL Learning: Elizabeth discusses how IXL helped her daughter Eleanor excel in math, emphasizing the importance of supplementary educational programs for student success (35:30).

• Freestyle Libre 3 Plus Sensor: A brief mention of diabetes management technology that provides real-time glucose readings to assist individuals in making informed health decisions (36:12).

Personal Updates: Gold Stars and Demerits

In a lighthearted segment, Elizabeth shares her self-imposed demerit for not adjusting her sleep schedule in tandem with her son Jack's new school routine (37:06). Conversely, Gretchen awards herself a gold star for her initiative in creating a widely-requested PDF of wedding readings, underscoring her commitment to serving her listeners' needs and celebrating their milestones (39:03).

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Conclusion

This episode of "Happier with Gretchen Rubin" masterfully intertwines humor, personal anecdotes, listener stories, and practical advice, all aimed at enhancing happiness and self-understanding. By revisiting cherished moments like the Ped Egg story, exploring the emotional intricacies of gift-giving, and offering actionable strategies for goals like NaNoWriMo, Gretchen and Elizabeth provide a comprehensive guide to cultivating a happier, more fulfilling life.

Notable Quotes:

• Elizabeth Craft: "The best time to start a happiness project is 20 years ago. The second best time is now." (41:21)

• Gretchen Rubin: "Having something to look forward to can help you get through something you really don't want to do." (10:40)

For listeners seeking to deepen their happiness journey, this episode offers both reflective insights and tangible strategies, reinforcing the podcast's mission to make happiness accessible and attainable for everyone.

Transcript

[Gretchen Rubin]

Gretch, you and I both love Whole Foods Market, and as the weather gets warmer, we want to have some lighter meals. Well, Whole Foods Market has what you're looking for with great everyday prices at.

[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Listener]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

I have these headphones. I love them. I've been wanting a pair of headphones for a long time and I love my new pair.

[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

Hello, we're here for more hacks Happier, a podcast where we get happier. Today we are revisiting the famous ped egg story.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I love it, Gretch.

[Listener]

Yes.

[Elizabeth Craft]

I mean, I think that this moment is actually my all time favorite moment of our first 10 years. I laugh every single time I think about it. I laugh every time I hand you a pedigree in a drugstore. Even if I just think about it, it just for some reason strikes me as absolutely hilarious.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, and Gretch, you are not alone in that. Because when we asked people for some of their favorite moments, many people wrote in that this was one of their favorite moments of the show.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Yeah, Shirley said, the pedig convo cracks me up every time.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Julie said, if you talked about the pedig episode every week, I wouldn't be mad. Best story ever.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Liz said, it's hard to beat the ped egg top 10 moment for sure.

[Gretchen Rubin]

And bentini80 on Instagram said, loved the pedig. Also, when Gretchen had never heard of Taco Tuesday.

[Listener]

Okay, you were baffled by that.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Now I see references to it everywhere.

[Listener]

Of course.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Anna said, the pet egg conversation for sure. Gretchen always laughs so hard recounting it.

[Listener]

Oh yeah, I sure do.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Michelle said, I love any time Gretchen gets The giggles, especially when talking about the ped egg.

[Guest]

Pure happiness.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Jennifer said. Okay, funniest is the ped egg story. Sorry, Elizabeth, I lost it. And Elizabeth, tell people if they don't know what a ped egg is, because if somebody doesn't know what we're talking about, they might not even understand what we're saying. It's ped like ped meaning foot like pedicure, an egg like egg. This is like a thing that you buy in a drugstore. But explain what it is for.

[Gretchen Rubin]

It is for scraping the calluses off your feet. And the ped egg, it's like shaped.

[Guest]

Like a big egg and you can.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Take the top off and use it to scrape your calluses and the bottom of it catches the shavings. To me, it's an ingeniously designed product and there's an electric version and a manual version.

[Guest]

I got my mother in law. The electric version, I believe.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Okay. You stepped up for the fancy one. Okay, well, listen, and you will hear the time that we talked about the panic and in what context? And we also talk about one of my very favorite travel hacks, which is the bowl of requirement, which is something that I still do every single time I travel, either alone or with my family. I love a bowl of requirement. And note, this episode was recorded in 2015, so it is a little bit of a flashback.

[Guest]

Yay. Now, we in episode 79 talked about about reviving a dormant friendship. And we've gotten a lot of great responses from people who actually were inspired to go revive a dormant friendship. Yeah, and we wanted to read one of them. This is from Miriam. She says, I tried reviving a dormant friendship and got such a warm response that I am too excited and happy to go to sleep. So now I am violating two of your other happiness recommendations by staying up way too late and emailing before bed. Reviving the friendship involved tracking her down through Google and emailing her work. The email subject was neighbor from heaven. We lived next door when our children were very small, sharing laughter, childhood magic, and impromptu over the fence dinners. Our children are now 30 years old. Without your suggestion, I probably would not have stalked my old friend on Google and made this connection. Full of such rich memories. Thanks so much.

[Listener]

Oh, that's so nice. It's so energizing and exciting to think about old friendships coming back to life. It's just wonderful to read these examples. I love that.

[Guest]

Yeah, really nice.

[Listener]

And we also heard from Allison, our listener, who had emailed in about her distress at losing her engagement ring. And it was so great to hear from her. So this is what she said. Thanks so much for answering my question on the podcast. Sadly, I have not found the ring. However, a couple of weeks after I submitted my question, I did decide to have my grandmother's ring sized, repaired, appraised and insured. Although it is not the same ring, it has a very special meaning to me. Thanks for your kind advice. And she attached a picture of her ring which was very, very beautiful.

[Guest]

Very pretty. Yeah.

[Listener]

And she added, I was also pleased to hear the explanation from Yuri in episode 82. I like the idea that the ring may have protected me from something. It has also allowed me to connect with people. I put up signs around my office and had many sweet conversations with strangers, employees at my local Starbucks, and even an older gentleman at the bus stop. I hope that I find it someday. If not, I hope someone enjoys it as much as I did. So that's kind of a nice for anybody who's been following the engagement ring story and feeling bad for Allison, it's nice to know she has a beautiful ring now and seems to have come to peace with it. It was a really interesting thing to think about.

[Guest]

Yes. And who knows, maybe it'll turn up someday.

[Listener]

Yes, yes, yes. Now lizard this week our Try this at home tip is to have something to look forward to.

[Guest]

Yes. I love this because, you know, it's fall and I feel like everybody is really back to the grind now. At least if the traffic in LA is any indication. Everyone's going to work a lot. Yeah. And I think over the summer there's always a lot of things to look forward to, but in the fall we can sort of lose sight of having fun. And it just feels like, you know, it's work, work, work and school, school, school. So it's good to have that thing to look forward to. So you're, you know, out of your normal, everyday routine.

[Listener]

Yeah. You know, and one of the things that was really interesting when I wrote the Happiness Project, I devoted a month of May to being serious about play. And the fact is, like, we need fun, we need things to look forward to. And studies show that in order to have a happy life, not enough just to have the absence of bad things or things that make you unhappy. You also need sources for feeling good. And looking forward to something is a great way to feel good because you see something coming up, you know that you're going to be doing something and you have all that anticipatory pleasure. And then of course, you have the thing planned itself that you're going to enjoy.

[Guest]

Yeah. Like, I have right now a girls night out on the calendar where we're seeing a movie and having dinner. And it's something I do surprisingly rarely. So it's, like, really something I'm looking forward to. I know I'm going to have a great time, have great conversation, and I can't wait. And it's like, by having that thing on the calendar, it boosts my happiness leading up to it, because I know.

[Listener]

It'S coming when I think people can also. At least I know I can get into this mode of feeling like, oh, look at everything I do. You start feeling deprived, you start feeling burned out. And when you can look in your calendar, and I mean, I really think this is for this. Tried this at home trip. It's like, really, literally, look in your calendar. If you keep a calendar. Maybe some rebels don't keep a calendar, but look in your calendar and see, like, look at all the entries. Is there stuff that is fun that you're looking forward to that's coming up? And the fact is, if every single thing in your calendar is a slog and you sort of dread everything, you might need to step back and reevaluate your life, you know, because your calendar is your life, and you want it to have bright spots of things that you're really excited about.

[Guest]

Yeah. And I like to think of it, Gretch, almost as like, the ABC of having something to look forward to.

[Listener]

Ooh. Ooh, I love a framework. What's your framework like?

[Guest]

Well, you need. So you need sort of three. I have three categories. It's like, big, medium, and small. So, like, you want to have one, like, big thing to look forward to, which would be, like, a weekend away.

[Listener]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Our mind for that is our upcoming live show in Seattle.

[Listener]

Yes.

[Guest]

Then the B thing is like, a medium thing. So I would. My Girls Night Out, I put in that category. You know, it's.

[Listener]

It's.

[Guest]

It's manageable. It's not that big, but it's significant. And then a smaller thing, and that's like a favorite TV show. So, you know, I might be looking forward to watching an episode of the Real Housewives or, you know, a new show on hbo, you know, something that I really can't wait to sit down and watch.

[Listener]

Right. It's not just, like, sitting down and flicking through channels. It's, like, really looking forward to something. So, I mean, we just. We do this over the summer. We got in this habit of having kind of, like, something that we watched as a family. And right now we're watching Downton Abbey, which somehow we know. I had never seen before in my whole. And we're. And of course, like everybody, we love it, and I really look forward to it. And we can only watch it when we can all watch together. So it's really something to look forward to because you can't. It just. We can't binge watch. And it's a whole family experience that we're going through.

[Guest]

That's so fun. I love that show, by the way.

[Listener]

Yeah.

[Gretchen Rubin]

It's also.

[Guest]

If you have something to look forward to, it can help you get through something you really don't want to do, you know, so it's like, if you have, like, a really tough week, you know, you have, like, packed with meetings every day, or you have some big report due or whatever it is. If you. Helps if you can think, okay, on Saturday, I'm going to the beach.

[Listener]

Right.

[Guest]

So that. That will be worth all of this, you know?

[Listener]

Right. Because one of the one aspect of doing something that you enjoy is you're enjoying it while you're doing it, and then you're also looking back on it with pleasure. So that's the thing. But then there's also the anticipation. And you do get a happiness boost from just thinking about what you're gonna do in the future. And that's called rosy prospection. And one of the things is sometimes your rosy perspection happiness is happier than the happiness that you actually get from the experience itself. So by looking forward to something, you sort of get a double dip of it. So you want to have things on your calendar to look forward to even beyond just doing those things. Though I will say that for rebels, sometimes rebels don't want to have something on the calendar. And if they put it on the calendar, they might then not want to do it. And so maybe they just have it to look forward to. They just think, like, when I'm ready to, I will do xyz, or when the moment's right, I'll go to the library or whatever it would be. So you want to have. You want to look forward to it in the way that is right for you, because that might. You might have a different way of structuring something that you look forward to. I like knowing exactly when something's gonna happen, because that's the kind of person that I am. But other people might wanna have it feel more spontaneous, but it's the idea of having something that you're looking forward to in some general way.

[Guest]

Speaking of Downton Abbey Gretch, do you think Lady Mary is a rebel?

[Listener]

Ooh, I am only like not even halfway through season two so I don't know. But so far she is looking like a rebel so I will pay attention to that as continue to watch and I will do my analysis. Excellent question. All right, so let us know if you try this at home and whether having something to look forward to adds to your happiness. Let us know on Twitter, Facebook, email [e-mail] or go to happiercast.com 85 for anything related to this episode. Foreign.

[Gretchen Rubin]

For the New Year, why not expand your life by listening on Audible? I listen to Audible every single day of my life. It is one of my great joys in Life. Explore over 1 million audiobooks, podcasts and exclusive Audible Originals all in one easy app. Tap into your well being with titles that will inspire and motivate you. You can find insight and expert advice on health, relationships, career, finance and so much more.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Right now I'm listening to an audiobook by Dan Pink that I love called the Power of Regret and it is just giving me so many ideas and I love that I can listen to it on the go. I love listening and learning just while I'm out and about. So start positive habits and reach the goals you set for yourself. Starting Start listening today. Sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.com happier so Gretch, as.

[Gretchen Rubin]

The weather gets warmer I think a lot of us want to eat lighter meals and Whole Foods Market has what you're looking for with great everyday prices. I love their365 by Whole Foods Market brand. It's their house brand and it has tons of spring essentials at daily low prices that will really put a little spark to your plate. They have brunch classics like juice, organic bagged salad kits. You know I love a salad kit, smoked salmon, goat cheese and sandwich bread, plus smoothie ingredients like almond milk and organic frozen fruit blends which I love to use for Jack smoothies.

[Elizabeth Craft]

At Whole Foods Market you can save every day. Look for the yellow low price signs that help you save money without compromising the quality you expect from Whole Foods Market. Find them with their responsibly farmed Atlantic salmon, no antibiotics ever, ground beef and boneless skinless chicken breasts, plus more throughout the store. Yellow really means savings at Whole Foods Market because their sale signs are also yellow. So basically wherever you see yellow you know you're saving money. Save on the best of spring with great everyday prices at Whole Foods Market.

[Guest]

Okay Gretch, So I know you're calling this happiness hack the bowl of Requirement, which I'm intrigued by. Is it?

[Listener]

So this is something that I love. This is a great hack that I discovered. Now, if you know your Harry Potter, and as we all do, the Room of Requirement is this enchanting idea that there's a room at Hogwarts Castle, the school, the Wizard School, where if you go in there, you will find whatever you need. If you need to teach your friends how to do magic, you'll find all the things that you need to do, that if you really need to go to the bathroom, you're gonna find a toilet. Like, whatever you need, you find. And so I have adapted this in my own family to the bowl of Requirement. And this is that whenever we are away from home. So, like, if we rent a house or we're staying in a hotel, or we're at mom and Dad's house, whenever we're not at our home. Because when we're at home, we know where things go. Where, you know, Jamie has the place where he puts his wallet and all that kind of thing. But when we're away from home, I had noticed over time that, like, things got dispersed and couldn't be found because you couldn't predict where they were. So Eliza couldn't find her sunglasses, or, you know, Eleanor couldn't find her phone, or Jamie couldn't find his wallet, or, you know, where's the room key? Anything like that. So what I do is now, whenever we go to an unfamiliar place, I get a bowl or a tray, and I put it in some prominent place. And anything that I find that is, like, the thing that somebody's gonna need, I put it in the bowl. And so I just am constantly on the lookout for anything important. And. Cause I'm like, somebody's gonna come up to me and be like, but, Mom, I can't find my headphones or whatever. I'm like, it's in the bowl. Because everything, as soon as I find it out of place, I put it in the bowl. Or loose change or crumpled dollar bills or whatever, anything to be kept track of is in the central place. And also, if you're traveling a lot of times, there's sort of stuff everywhere. There can be a lot of disarray. And so this just saves so much panic or annoyance with trying to track down items because they're not in their usual place. Cause we're not in our usual.

[Guest]

That is a great idea. And I have to say, Adam loses sunglasses almost every time we go away. So I think this bowl of requirement would be great just for sunglasses alone. So I'm definitely going to use this hack.

[Listener]

Well, and the thing is, also, it's like, everybody knows where to look, but then also, if you find these things in, like, some odd place, like, I wonder why Adam put his sunglasses, like, on the, you know, this window sill behind the curtain. You know, you're like, I will take them and put them in the bowl because then it's just like, that's where they are. Good. Yes.

[Guest]

I have great one, Gretch.

[Listener]

I was so proud of myself.

[Guest]

That's a really good help.

[Listener]

Excellent. Yes. Try the bowl of requirement. And so the know yourself better question this week, Elizabeth, is the question of have you ever been made angry or upset by a well intentioned gift?

[Guest]

Mm, interesting.

[Listener]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Gifts. Gifts can be tricky. Yeah.

[Listener]

And if you remember the conversation we had in episode 73, our listener, Whitney, had uncomfortable emotions related to a gift. In her case, she was a new mom, and she'd been given a very expensive name brand, really, you know, nice diaper bag. From her mother in law, whom she was very close to her mother in law. But the thing is, Whitney was more of like a backpack person. And so she felt like she. This was that she wasn't going to use. And it raised a lot of uncomfortable emotions about what to do with it, how to handle it. And it's a great illustration how sometimes a gift can give us. We can have reactions to gifts that can be difficult to manage.

[Guest]

So, Gretch, I have to ask, have you ever been made angry or upset by a well intentioned gift?

[Listener]

Yeah. I mean, one example that springs to my mind is I was made very uneasy once when Jamie gave me this big gardenia plant. Now, I love gardenias. You know, I'm obsessed with the sense of smell. I love the smell. Gardenia is one of my favorite senses of smell. I had them in my wedding. Like, I love. They're beautiful when they're growing. And he gave me this large gardenia plant, and it was a beautiful, thoughtful gift. So it was very well intentioned and it was very. It was like a really good gift. But I have to say, it made me really uneasy because it. Because it made me feel anxious about myself. And I think this is why. This is a good know yourself better question. Because what it made me feel about myself is like, I'm gonna kill this plant in like three days. I cannot keep. Here I have this beautiful gift, and I'm not gonna be able to keep it alive. I'm not gonna be able to keep it going. So I just looked at it with this sort of feeling of like despair and disappointment in myself that he'd given me this lovely gift and I wasn't gonna be able to take good care of it. And so I think I didn't react to it properly because I was so managing my own emotions rather than really responding to the spirit of the gift because it was lovingly meant and very well chosen. That made me feel bad about myself. How about you? Have you ever had.

[Guest]

Yeah, it's funny, I didn't. Well, I didn't feel angry or upset necessarily, but I have had a few occasions where people have given me cookbooks because I'll go on some long thing about how well my thing is going to be soup. That's what I finally realized, is that soup is where I'm going to be. You know, that that's my deal. And then like my friend Nancy gave me a cookbook of all soups. And it was like, so thoughtful and nice, but I'm like, oh, she actually thinks I'm gonna cook soup. Oh, no, I'm just saying that it's like, even though I, I didn't in my mind I was gonna do it, but as soon as I got the cookbook, I realized like, oh, I'm not actually gonna cook soup. I don't know if I would say I was angry, definitely not angry, maybe a little uneasy because I had to re face my own lack of follow through.

[Listener]

But see, that's a perfect example because I think that's why this is a know yourself better question. Because it's about how you're. Because negative emotions can be these big flashing signs to help us with self knowledge or to see how we, we might want to make our lives better. And what it was assigned to you was like, in a way, my words aren't matching what I really want because I don't really want a soup cookbook. And that was the source of the uneasiness. And so it was kind of spotlighting this conflict within yourself. So that's useful to know that, to understand it, because I think sometimes it's just. You just have this bad feeling. But I think it's like whenever you have that kind of uneasy feeling, it's worth dialing in and trying to understand what's going on a little bit because that's how you can learn. Now I do think also, I mean, Elizabeth, don't you think that sometimes people really do get gifts that are passive aggressive? Like sometimes you can get a gift that's a little bit not that well intentioned.

[Guest]

Oh for sure, yeah. I mean, yeah, yeah. It's like giving someone a scale, you know, for, for their birthday.

[Listener]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a Fitbit if they haven't asked for it.

[Guest]

Yeah. The classic I think is the vacuum cleaner. You know, mom's getting vacuum cleaners for Mother's Day is not a big hit. I was thinking though, I gave my mother in law and I hope she didn't take it the wrong way. You know, there's the pet egg which is something you use to scrape like calluses off your feet. Well, they have an electric version and I really wanted one and so I, you know, I got one for my mother in law and I really hope she didn't take that. As I was commenting on her feet, which of course I've never noticed her feet, I just thought I would love to get this. I would never buy it for myself. I'm going to get it for her. So I don't know how she took it because I wasn't there when she opened it.

[Listener]

I am literally gasping.

[Guest]

That was an ill conceived gift.

[Listener]

I cannot, I, I have not laughed so hard in a long time. I think that's a gift.

[Guest]

So you did not get Judy one of those.

[Listener]

I think it's hard not to take that as a. I think if somebody gives you that, I think you got it like you got to give it in person or like send along a not. This is, I'm giving you this gift because this is something that I would like to get myself because I feel like that's a gift that just screams hint, hint, hint. I mean, I don't want to make you feel bad, but I mean, and I see, but see, but this is a perfect example. It's totally well intentioned and you think it's like the classic thing, like you should give a gift to something you'd want to receive on your own. And you don't even think about the fact that somebody on the other end could have a completely different reaction. I mean this is why gifts are tricky because yours was totally lovingly met and you probably have never even looked at your mother in law's feet closely. And yet who knows? Oh my gosh, it could be misinterpreted. That is hilarious.

[Guest]

She's still speaking to me. So I guess however she felt she got over it, if it made her.

[Listener]

Angry, maybe she just re gifted it right away. And this reminds me of this great Andy Warhol quote. I don't even like Andy Warhol's art that much. But I love his writing. He's just this crazy, brilliant mind and he just said it beautifully. He said you can never predict what little things in the way somebody looks or talks or acts will set off peculiar emotional reactions in other people. And I really just think that's true with gift giving. Like you're giving it, you're getting it, and you just, sometimes you just stray into this emotionally charged territory in ways that you really couldn't have anticipated. And so it's just something to be aware of, I think. And when you do have that negative emotion to really try to understand it and use it as a way to know yourself better for sure. But Elizabeth, I'm sure in the case of your mother in law, I mean, knowing you, I bet she knows that you meant it in the best possible way and did not think that you would. It's very unlike you to give a hint, hint, hint, gift. So I, I, I'm sure she figured out what you meant by it.

[Guest]

Well, I'll have to ask her next time I see her and hopefully she'll tell me she's using it and that her feet are soft and wonderful and she doesn't know what she'd do without it.

[Listener]

Yes, it's a lovely gift. And now for Listener question. As always, you can leave us a voicemail question at 774-277-9336. That is also 7 7, happy 336 or podcastretchenrubin.com this week's call is from Elizabeth.

Hi, Gretchen and Liz. My name is Elizabeth and I'm calling from Indianapolis. I'm calling because I have a goal and it's a big goal for me and I'm really, really nervous about what to do about that. My goal is to participate in nanowrimo, which is National November Writer's Month, and to write a novel in November. And I believe, Gretchen, that you were able to do this yourself. So I figured I should turn to you and Liz for some advice. So I know about NaNoWriMo and I've committed to doing it. But as Novemb draws near, I'm getting much more nervous. And I'm nervous because I have a lot on my plate, as we all do, and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to make room for this. I'm a teacher of high school English. I have four little kids and you can imagine and fill in everything else that we all have to do. And I'm also an obliger, so I know that kind of Putting this goal of mine last on the list of things to do is really something that I tend toward. So I was just going to see if you have any tips for me, especially when it comes to planning to fail. I know there will be days where I don't get my word limit in and I'm not quite sure how to approach that. Thanks.

[Guest]

Well, I mean, National Novel Writing Month is something a lot of people are into and I admire everyone who does it. Gretch, didn't you do it once?

[Listener]

Yeah, yeah, Elizabeth's right. I did it and I write about it in the Happiness Project. About how I did. And what it is, is that you have a. It's a very kind of structured way of writing a. No, you have a certain word count that you're supposed to meet every day. And so at the end of it you have a 50,000 word novel which is about the same as like the Great Gatsby. So that's really. That's you've written. And you can write a novel in a month if you stick to their program.

[Guest]

So what can Elizabeth do to, you know, make this happen? I mean, I. It gives me anxiety and heart palpitations just thinking about it.

[Listener]

Yeah. NaNoWriMo is something that appeals to some people, but not to others. It's definitely like a boot camp, marathon training kind of approach. Well, one thing I think is to use this. So There are the 21 strategies that you can use to make or break a habit. And this isn't quite a habit, but you could use a lot of the strategies. And one of the strategies is scheduling. So not to think like, well, at some point today I'm going to write my words, but really to say like, I'm, you know, and to put it in the calendar so that it's actually an item. I will use the hour from 8 to 9am to work on my novel or whatever it might be so that it's very clear when you're doing it.

[Guest]

That makes sense. And I mean, I don't think 8 to 9 is going to be enough.

[Listener]

Yeah, it might be a couple of different times. And Elizabeth also mentions planning to fail. And that is the strategy of safeguards. And that's a really, really smart thing to be thinking about, which is to think about when you might fail and how to handle the challenges that are going to come up. And this is often called if then planning. Like, if I have a lot of papers to grade, then I will do xyz. If one of my children gets sick, then I will do xyz. If I have evening plans and can't write at night, then I will do xyz. And to really try to anticipate everything that could come up and have a plan for it. Because Elizabeth says she's sure that sometimes she won't be able to do it, but maybe she should be saying, how am I going to figure out a way so that no matter what happens, I will be able to do it? So really trying not to. Not to anticipate that she won't be able to do it every day, but to really, like, figure out a way to meet any challenge that might come up.

[Guest]

Yeah. It seems to me for something like this where it's a month and it's this intensive, you have to say, even if I have a million papers to grade, I still have to get in my word count, that I cannot go to bed without that word count. And maybe they won't be the best words, you know, maybe they'll need a lot of editing. But I am going to do it. Because if you. If that happens a couple of times, you're never going to catch up.

[Listener]

Yeah. No, and I think you're exactly right. I think that's part of the purpose of it, and it's also part of the fun of it, is just the kind of the intensity of it and really committing to it and saying, for these 30 days, I'm just absolutely going to do it. Because she says, I know there will be days when I don't get my word limit in. I think you're exactly right. You really do have to say, for these 30 days, I am really, really gonna stick to that. But also, Elizabeth makes an interesting point about herself, which is that she notes that she's an obliger. Well, this is a really, really important piece of information to take into account because. And if people don't know about the four tendencies, you can go on to. You can take the quiz to find out if you're an upholder, a questioner, an obliger, a rebel. If you go to happiercast.com quiz and you'll find a quiz that will tell you which of the four tendencies you are. And she's an obliger, which is the biggest tendency, which means that an obliger readily meets outer expectations but struggles to meet inner expectations. So I would suggest that one thing Elizabeth could do is she could tell her high school English classes that she is doing this.

[Guest]

Ooh, bold.

[Listener]

So she will. They will hold her accountable. Because if knowing high school students, I bet, like every other day, they'll be like, hey, are you, you know, or, how are you doing with National? They'll probably be really excited because people tend to be really interested in this, so they might really be asking her about it, which would make her feel more committed. And she could also think of her duty as a role model as a teacher and a writer and as an adult. Like, I can make a commitment and stick to a commitment. If I say I'm gonna do something, I follow through with it. That's a form of accountability, the role model accountability. Now, Elizabeth, I've heard you say sometimes as an obliger, that you don't want that accountability because then it's so you feel so much pressure to follow through. Yeah, but then that's how you do follow through. That's the thing.

[Guest]

Yeah, no, it's true. It's like, if it's something you really, really want to do in your core, gut, heart, mind, soul, then, yeah, I say go for it. Get that accountability going. It's when you're not quite so sure that you don't want to do it because you don't want to be forced.

[Listener]

Right. And then the whole idea of National Novel Writing Month is that there's a whole community of people who are also doing it. So you have this online community that you can tap into that as an obliger. Might be really fun for her. So she can have the accountability of other people doing NaNoWriMo, but then also the accountability of the people who are in her, really, in her daily life.

[Guest]

Yeah. And then the other thing, Gretch, is she should be aware of all of your loopholes that people give themselves to get out of doing something. So when she starts thinking about a loophole, she can stop herself. What are those?

[Listener]

Yeah. So this is the strategy of loophole spotting, which is to be very aware. So some of the loopholes. There's 10 categories of loopholes and a few that seem particularly applicable in this situation. One is the false choice loophole, which is, I can't write my words for National Novel Writing Month because I have to grade papers. Well, you could really do both. The lack of control loophole, which is, I couldn't write my words today because we had a big staff meeting at school, and so I lost my writing period. Well, that's the lack of control, questionable assumption. Loophole is like, well, I could never write after dinner. Well, maybe you could write after dinner. Or the tomorrow loophole. It's okay to not do it today because tomorrow I'm going to write twice as much because it's Saturday. It's like, well, you don't really know what you're going to do tomorrow. So that's just a few of the Every loophole is powerful. We all invoke them all the time. But that's some of the ones that I think might be particularly useful in this situation in a bad way.

[Guest]

And you know, Gretchen, it occurs to me the other thing Elizabeth can do is ask for help. You know, I mean, it may be that this month she needs more help taking care of her kids, you know, or more help with other chores or errands so that she has this time. And when you're asking people for help, you know, whether it's her spouse or friend or mom or whomever, it's like, it's just for this month. This isn't in perpetuity. I just need help for this month. And I think people are willing to support dreams and goals, and they'd probably be happy to do that.

[Listener]

Yeah, good point. Good point.

[Guest]

Well, I have to say good luck to Elizabeth and she's gotta let us know if she completes her novel at the end of the month.

[Listener]

Yes. And I'll put up if you're intrigued by this idea, I'll put up a link to National Novel Writing Month and also to the book no Plot, No Problem by Chris Beatty, where he outlines the idea of National Novel Writing Month. Because, because for a lot of people, this is a really appealing idea. So if it appeals to you, you can just look in the show notes and I will. I'll put the links there so you can follow up.

[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Gretchen Rubin]

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[Elizabeth Craft]

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[Listener]

Elizabeth before we launch into demerits and gold stars, I was remembering when we were in Kansas City together the last time we watched School of Rock and it was so funny to see Jack Black talking about gold stars and demerits. You hear him crumpling up the gold star and demerit chart at the end because he is not enthusiastic. But we love our gold stars and demerits.

[Guest]

So funny.

[Listener]

Well, he's not a believer in getting a demerit. But Elizabeth, you did give yourself a demerit nevertheless, this week. What is it?

[Guest]

Yes, scratching. Well, you remember recently I gave myself a demerit for not getting Jack back on a good sleep schedule before school started. He'd been staying up really late throughout the summer and it hadn't been a problem cause then he would sleep late. But of course course now he has to get up early. Well, what I realized is I also haven't changed my sleep schedule and I also have to get up much earlier because I have to get him to school. So, so I'm still going to bed at midnight or later most nights. But I'm getting up at least 45 minutes or an hour earlier. So I as a result I've been really tired so I need to get myself back on school schedule.

[Listener]

And how are you going to do that?

[Guest]

I think I might have to go back to setting an alarm for going to bed. We discussed on the podcast before Gretchen that that is a, you know, a technique that you came up with to help people go to bed earlier. Which is just like we have an alarm to get up in the morning, set an alarm to let you know, hey, it's time to go to bed. And I had been doing that and then I stopped and now it's probably time to start again. So I need to like at 11pm have the alarm go off. It's like, okay, bedtime.

[Listener]

Well, and guess what? I just updated my iPhone last night and it turns out that. Now, if you have an Apple iPhone, they have a feature called bedtime where you can. I haven't used it yet since I just did this yesterday, but you can set a bedtime alarm to help yourself go to bed. So it might be that your phone will now make it easier for you to go to bed on time.

[Guest]

Wow. All right, well, I've got a. If I ever update my phone, I will for sure check out that feature. Gretch, what is your gold star this week?

[Listener]

Okay, well, I'm gonna give myself a gold star this week because. So we had that wonderful question from Sarah about wedding readings, and she sent me her wedding readings, which was so fun to see what she actually did pick in the end. But we got so many great wedding readings from everybody. Kristen, of course, read her wedding reading in the podcast, and I had many requests for, like, the whole that her I like you poem that she's gonna read at her wedding, but there were so many, we couldn't read them all as part of the episode. And so I made this PDF and I thought, like, maybe 10, 15 people would request this, I have to say. But I was like, still, it was so fun. I thought, oh, I'll just create it and it'll probably be handy for a few people. We have been overwhelmed by people requesting the wedding reading PDF, and I have to say, I really did go out of my way to make it look good. And I'm thrilled because so many people have asked for it. And I just. It's such a happy thing, like. Cause I keep hearing my best friend's getting married, I'm getting married, my sister's getting married, my brother's getting married.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Listener]

And so congratulations to everyone who is getting married or who's gonna be in a wedding.

[Guest]

Yes.

[Listener]

Or who is gonna be the person who rides to the rescue of the person who is looking for wedding readings and can't find a wedding reading, because I did create this PDF. So if you would like it, you can just email [e-mail] and you don't have to write anything more than just write wedding reading in the subject line. That's all you have to say, and I will send it right off to you. And it's been so fun to hear from so many people and to be helping people find all these wonderful, wonderful wedding readings.

[Guest]

Yeah. So gold star to you, Gretch, and gold star to all those people who are now helping their friends and their relatives find wedding readings. I mean, this is clearly a need in our country. And in the world a good wedding reading. So you're really. You hit it out of the park with that one.

[Listener]

Well, and gold star, too, for all the thoughtful people who took the time to mail in their choices, because that's what I put together. So really, really, the gold star goes to them, but I get a gold star for collating Y.

[Elizabeth Craft]

We hope you're feeling happier after this episode. This story. I mean, it makes me laugh so hard. You know, I'm happier.

[Guest]

Me, too.

[Elizabeth Craft]

Gretchen, remember, the best time to start a happiness project is 20 years ago. The second best time is now.

[Listener]

From the onward project.