Elizabeth (3:04)

Yeah, gretch. And in Fame 6, she chronicles sort of how creating Girls and all the way through the whole run of the show. And during that whole time, she was dealing with a chronic illness, which really had devastating, like, physical effects. And she didn't know exactly what was going on. So it was really a lot to deal with. And when you think that at the same time she was starring in a show, doing a lot of the writing of the show, directing a lot of the show, I mean, it kind of blows my mind.

Gretchen (3:39)

Well, and she was 25 years old, right?

Elizabeth (3:41)

Yes.

Gretchen (3:42)

And it was her first show, her

Elizabeth (3:43)

first meeting with HBO, she was 23, I believe.

Gretchen (3:47)

Wow.

Elizabeth (3:48)

So this is just amazing. And she's such a good writer. And she really kind of went dark for a long time. She moved to London, she got married, and she just was very much doing her own thing. And now she's out and about promoting her book. Sarah and I are gonna go see her, talk about it. And I just love that she's back on the scene. And I'm hoping she stays out on the scene from now on.

Gretchen (4:14)

I can't wait to read the book. And I can't wait to watch the show. I've got to start watching. I know once I get started, I won't want to stop. Yes, but it's hard to start. And then you know that that's what you're going to want to do in all your free time. So there's that too.

Elizabeth (4:27)

Well, one thing to keep in mind is it's a half hour as opposed to an hour, so it's a lot less of a time commitment than a show that's an hour. So you can think of it that way.

Gretchen (4:39)

Well, I wonder how it'll be different experiencing it, because I'm sure I'll be binging it rather than having watching it a half an hour at a time. I do think that's it interesting, because when you watched it, you watched it live and then you rewatched it. Binging. It's different.

Elizabeth (4:52)

It's great to watch something one a week. But I am a binger. I mean, I am that person who, like, with this book, once I started, I just could not stop. And I listened to it because she reads it. There's also a lot of great interviews of her around. If people Want to Google Lena Dunham?

Gretchen (5:10)

Okay.

Elizabeth (5:11)

All right, Gretch, what's making you happier?

Gretchen (5:13)

Well, the thing is, I'm still writing high from my high school reunion, so not my technical high reunion or my official high school reunion, but I have a group of friends, a small group where we get together every couple of years, usually around the same time, and we'll just go and spend three nights together, and we just hang out and walk around, go on a hike, sort of do whatever. And we've gone to a different place every time, and it is just so great. And one of the things that's interesting is, like, these are people that have been in my life for a very long time. And in fact, I was saying to one of my friends, Carrie, she is my longest continuous relationship outside my immediate family. We went to kindergarten together, and she has been in my life ever since. And that's just a different kind of relationship. That's one that you cannot replace later. And these are people where, like, our father dying. They knew him well. Yes, they remember him vividly. They know our mother. They remember you when you were, like, a little kid. They remember our dog. And so you can talk to them and relate to them in a different way. And then, like, we're all so interested in each other's brothers and sisters and parents. You know, we're new friends. Like, you know, they don't know. This is interesting, Elizabeth. One thing I noticed is that we spent so much time talking about our brothers and sisters, but we spent less time talking about our children than you might typically do at a group like this. And I thought it's because to these people, they might not know our children, but they know our brothers and sisters.

Elizabeth (6:47)

Yes, that makes perfect sense.

Gretchen (6:50)

And, you know, talk about Kansas City. Like, we would talk about, oh, what do you think about this? That the other thing. And it's just relaxing in a way. There's a comfort, there's an intimacy. There's an old saying, make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold. And I'm just so happy that we've really kept this going, because it really is so precious to me that I have these relationships in my life and that I can just.

Elizabeth (7:14)

And a lot of them I don't

Gretchen (7:15)

really see in between or talk to them in between doing this, but we just slip right back and we remember what's going on and all the old jokes, and it's just deeply comforting to me to have this. And, you know, I love a big high school reunion. Well, we had A small school, so it's not a big high school reunion. I like seeing a lot of people from my high school, but it is really great to have this deeper touch point.

Elizabeth (7:37)

Yeah. Gretch, I'm actively trying to seek out my high school friendships and my childhood friendships on a more regular basis. Basis, just because they give me such joy and comfort. And maybe it is partly related to dad dying, but even before that, I was feeling like I wanted to spend time with those people and just keep it very active.

Gretchen (8:01)

Yeah.

Elizabeth (8:02)

My friend Emily, I think might be my longest real connection because we met when we moved in on Stratford. And how old was. I wasn't I, like, four?

Gretchen (8:12)

I was going into fourth grade. I think it was the summer before I was in fourth grade. And you're five years younger than I am. How old are you in fourth grade? I can never remember how old you are in the grades.

Elizabeth (8:21)

Well, I guess that would be pre K, though, if you just went by the grades. If you were going into fourth.

Gretchen (8:26)

Oh, right. You would have been pre K. Right. So you were little. Yeah. You weren't even in kindergarten yet.

Elizabeth (8:30)

Yeah.

Gretchen (8:30)

Right. And she was already living across the street. Right. When we moved in.

Elizabeth (8:34)

Yes.

Gretchen (8:34)

And she's in our life. We just saw our whole family.

Elizabeth (8:37)

That's is what I'm saying.

Gretchen (8:38)

Well, it's an interesting question to say. What is the longest continuous relationship in your life? Like I said to Carrie, you are my longest continuous relationship in your life. You have, like, a special meaning for me.

Elizabeth (8:49)

Oh, that's great.

Gretchen (8:50)

Oh, and Emily, too. Oh, that's fun.

Elizabeth (8:51)

I love that you guys do that. That's so nice.

Gretchen (8:54)

It is really fun. But, you know, it just brings up this thing. Scheduling is life. The hardest part of this is the scheduling. It's the scheduling that is hard, and you just have to grapple with the scheduling. It's just when you've got more than one person doing something, the scheduling is always an issue. Yes.

Elizabeth (9:08)

Which is why doing it at the same time roughly every year that you do it is probably a good idea. Yeah.

Gretchen (9:15)

Well, and I'll say it in case it's useful for people. We have found that late April is a good time if you take into account spring breaks, graduations, holidays, weather, all these things. We landed on late April, second half of April. And so if anybody's trying to think about coordinating, you might consider that time slot. So. Because it does seem like it avoids a lot of the common things that crop up.

Elizabeth (9:44)

By the way, Gretch, can I just mention about your trip? I was Giggling because you sent a photo and said, we're making dinner. And I was thinking about the Real Housewives, because, you know, the Real Housewives go on trips and stay places, and they oftentimes, one of the nights will make dinner, you know, stay in and make dinner.

Gretchen (10:02)

Oh, good.

Elizabeth (10:03)

And last time one of the groups did this, because of their hair and makeup and all of that, they didn't actually start cooking dinner until 11:30pm and I was thinking, I'm sure Gretchen's group is not starting to cook at 11:30 now.

Gretchen (10:20)

Our hair and makeup did not interfere with our other activities. I will say that. That's so funny. The Real Housewives, their guide. That's funny.

Elizabeth (10:29)

All right, Gretch, Coming up, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. But first, this break.

Gretchen (10:43)

You know, Elizabeth, I felt like I knew Lululemon. I shop at Lululemon all the time. And then I tried something new from their spring collection, and it completely surprised me. I have been wearing the Rouleaux drapey yoga jogger non stop. And the thing that drew me to it is how soft it is. You know, how I am about texture and how things feel, feel. It has that loose, drapey feel, but it still holds its shape so it doesn't feel baggy. I wear them morning, noon and night. I just didn't expect it to be this versatile. I can wear it wherever I want.

Elizabeth (11:16)

Well, Gretchen, I am living in the steady state super loft joggers. I'm wearing them right now. I have the black. I have burgundy bay color, which I'm wearing every other day. I just ordered another pair. They are the best, and I feel like they really elevate my athleisure well.

Gretchen (11:34)

And here's the thing you need to know. Lululemon does limited color runs. So when those new styles drop every Tuesday, they do go fast. So you don't want to wait. And if it's not for you, Lululemon offers free returns, no risk. That's lululemon.com new drops every Tuesday. Go now. I've been trying to say yes more to little adventures. Nothing huge. Just getting out of the routine and going somewhere different for the day. And. And it really makes you appreciate having a car that feels solid and comfortable where you're not thinking about the drive. You're just focused on where you're going. That's what stood out to me about the Defender. It has that rugged design, but it also feels really thoughtful inside. And I like that there's a full lineup from the two door 90 to the 110 and the 130 with seating for up to eight. So it really fits different kinds of

Elizabeth (12:25)

plans and it's built with those durable, purposeful materials so you can actually use it without worrying about every little thing. It also has features that make driving feel easier, like Clearsight technology and the PIVI Pro system so you can keep track of where you're going and everything you want to listen to along the way. Plus, with up to 89 cubic feet of cargo space and available three rows, it gives you a lot of flexibility depending on what you're bringing with you. Explore the full Defender lineup@land roverusa.com hey,

Julia Louis-Dreyfus (12:58)

it's Julie, Louis Dreyfus from Wiser Than Me, et cetera. Just popping in with a little reality check. Food waste shouldn't exist. There is no reason that our leftovers should end up in a landfill. But that's the final destination for about a third of the food we grow. Our ancestors would be confused. They used their food scraps as compost or as animal feed or in weird soups, all the stuff we did before garbage was invented. But composting is hard work. Living with a bucket of rotten food on your counter is gross. Most food goes in the trash because it's easy. And these days we'll take any easy we can get. But now there's something easier. Drop your scraps in a mill food recycler. It looks like a kitchen bin and an iPhone had a baby. It takes nearly anything, even meat and bones. It works automatically. You can keep filling it for weeks and it never smells. When you finally empty it, you've got these nutrient rich grounds. Use them in your garden, pour them in your green bin, or have mill get them to a small farm so the food you don't eat can help grow the food you do. Just like it should be. It's why I own a mill, why I invest in mill, and why I'm still obsessed with my mill. If you want to get obsessed too, go to mill.comwiser to get $75 off. That's mill.comwiser for $75 off.

Elizabeth (14:34)

Okay, Gretch, there's something I've been meaning to ask you because we sort of had a pre discussion about this, but I never got the follow up, which is your April Fool's joke this year, which you were very excited about and I think you pulled off beautifully.

Gretchen (14:51)

Oh no. Everybody agreed this was my best yet. Okay, so I really like an April Fool's prank, but I like a gentle Fun April Fool's prank. I don't like a mean one or one where somebody's, like, honestly, like, distressed, because sometimes they can get kind of mean. So I like a gentle one. But I do love the whimsy of an April Fool's Day prank. So I was trying to think of what to do, and the thing is, I had to do something by text. I realized probably because it's the empty nest, open door phase. And so I was really. Because I used to do things related to breakfast, because that was just do it before school. So, like, I froze Eliza's bowl of Cheerios one time. That was hilarious. I wish I had a picture of her face when she picked up her spoon, because it truly was truly hilarious. But anyway, so I was thinking about this, and this is what I came up with, and boy, did it work. So at 10am on April 1, I text Eliza, a detective is gonna call you. Tell the truth and stay calm. It will be fine. And then a minute later, the same thing to Eleanor, but with Eleanor, I put hearts on it too, because I knew that was more of the Eleanor vibe. And, I mean, in one second, Eliza's like, what? What? What? I can just see the bubbles filling and going. And I thought, should I kind of drag it out? And then I thought, well, no, first of all, Liza just goes to 11 right away. And I'm like, okay, I don't want her to, like, lose it. And I'm like, I've had my fun. And I said, no, April Fools. And she was like, oh, my gosh. I got got. I 100% fell for it. And then Eleanor was like, mom, what's up, mom? And then same thing. I told her right away, and she was like, okay, that's amazing. Oh. And to Eliza, I said, eleanor is now freaking out because Eleanor by that time was starting to answer.

Elizabeth (16:30)

Oh, my gosh.

Gretchen (16:30)

So then with Jamie, I knew I couldn't use the same message with Jamie, I had to tweak it. So for Jamie, I was like, a detective is gonna call you. Don't worry about it. It's no big deal.

Elizabeth (16:39)

Okay?

Gretchen (16:40)

And he called me in a second saying, why is this detective calling me? He didn't even sound mad. I thought, you know, he didn't really sound suspicious. He's like, okay, what's going on with this? But, I mean, so within, I would say, a minute, all of them had been pranked and then been the big reveal. And then on family text, everybody's like, this is the best yet. She got every single one of us hard.

Elizabeth (17:03)

That is so funny.

Gretchen (17:04)

So it was really fun. This is a twist on an idea that I had gotten from my friend Jenny Wallace. Her version wasn't really gonna work. I knew my family wouldn't fall for it, but she gave me this idea, so I ran with it. Yes.

Elizabeth (17:17)

I think she was just trying to get her kid to respond to her, right?

Gretchen (17:20)

Yeah. No, I really wanted them to believe it, even for a second.

Elizabeth (17:25)

So good. I wanna do that next year.

Gretchen (17:27)

And now for the spotlight on a tool. In the happier app, there is spring bingo. If you want to have a fun way movement. If you're doing move 26 and 26, we have added a spring movement bingo card in the happier app. Everybody loves a bingo card. You can check off quick challenges and then if you complete a row or a column or the whole card, you get a little surprise. You can download the app@thehappierapp.com and then you'll see it right on the homepage. Just another way to gamify the things we're trying to do. Just makes a big difference.

Elizabeth (18:00)

Love a big go card. All right, Gretch, coming up, there's something you've been meaning to ask me. But first, this break.

Gretchen (18:15)

Hey there, it's Gretchen and Elizabeth. Before this podcast continues, we'll need you to fill out 37 forms about your listening history. We'll wait. Just kidding. That would be ridiculous. Yet we all do it every time we need healthcare.

Elizabeth (18:32)

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Gretchen (18:45)

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Gretchen (18:52)

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Elizabeth (19:16)

Lately, I've been trying to simplify what I wear day to day. Just pieces that feel easy but still put together. I do not want to overthink it. And I have been reaching for quints a lot. No surprise there. Everybody knows my love for quints. I love their linen pieces. They're so breathable, but they still look polished. They're the kind of thing you can wear all day and not think about changing.

Gretchen (19:39)

And when I saw the price, I honestly double checked. Everything is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. Because quince works directly with ethical factories. Like you. Elizabeth I just find that Quince makes getting dressed simpler and the pieces actually hold up. Quince uses premium materials like European linen and organic cotton, so you're getting quality without the usual markup. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to Quince.com Gretchen for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com Gretchen for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Gretchen okay, listen, I've been meaning to ask you this. I remember years ago our mother kind of offhandedly made the observation that she felt like she lived in Kansas City for 10 years before it really felt like her long term home. Before she really felt settled in, she really felt like she knew her way around. She really had her network set up. And I am a big fan of having a sense of how long things are going to take just to adjust expectations. 10 years sounds like a long time, but it also sounds pretty reasonable to me now that I think back on my own experience in New York City. How long did I live in New York City? And I was wondering about you as Los Angeles because I know you were a real Kansas City kid and then you were like a real New York City young adult. You love New York City and you moved to LA because you had to because of TV writing. That was the reason. How long do you think you lived in LA before you felt like, okay, LA is my home?

Elizabeth (21:21)

Well, I think it took about three to four years before I felt like home, which I would attached to when I finally got a car because I didn't have a car the first few years I depended on Sarah to drive me around or I took the bus. Yeah, so having a car was a big part of it.

Gretchen (21:39)

To anybody from Los Angeles. That is like the most bonkers thing about you. You should put that on your resume because people would find that fascinating. You and I really just don't like to drive. But now you do drive.

Elizabeth (21:49)

So I felt like that was when I really lived here, but I think it took several more years for it to feel like home. I think there's a difference between you really feel like yes, I live here to oh this feels like home. I would say that would happen when I moved, maybe even not until I moved to my apartment on Rossmoor which was in like 2005. But then Gretchen, I had a whole other thing about this which is moving to the Valley. So it's Very different. Living in la, sort of the city, Hollywood, West Hollywood, Los Vilas, even Santa Monica, which technically is in la, et cetera, from living in the Valley, which is what we call over the hill, meaning over a literal hill.

Gretchen (22:40)

So explain to people who don't know Los Angeles and the Valley, what's the significance of that?

Elizabeth (22:45)

Well, it's kind of moving to suburbia. Our version of moving to suburbia is moving to the Valley. It's like Valley Girls comes from the Valley. You can go over these canyons, which are hills which have amazing views, and then you go down the canyon and you're in the San Fernando Valley. So when Adam and I got engaged and bought a house, we moved to the Valley. And it took me a long time to feel like the Valley was my home because I had a real psychological resistance against living in the suburbs. You know, I love New York. Growing up, I love Kansas City, but it was very suburban. I always wanted to move to the city. So I had a real problem with my identity of being someone who moved to the suburbs. And it took me probably at least another 10 years to Mom's point to where I really feel now like the Valley is my home. And I'm proud of the Valley. And I wear my 818t shirt, which is the area code of the Valley, and I wouldn't want to live in Los Angeles.

Gretchen (23:55)

You went from 816 to 818?

Elizabeth (23:57)

Yes, that's true. KC is 816. So that was in a way a bigger adjustment for me than even going from New York to la because I think those both felt like cities and I had some sort of self identity aligned with being in a city. But the Valley was a lot tougher. But now I'm of course, passionate about it.

Gretchen (24:20)

I don't know if you remember New York City well enough. Do you think it's kind of like moving from Manhattan to Westchester?

Elizabeth (24:25)

Yes, I think it is similar. Although what I will say is it's much easier to get from Encino to Beverly Hills than it is to get from Westchester to Midtown. It's really just 15 minutes.

Gretchen (24:43)

Right. But from Westchester you can take the train and so then like you can read and you can work and stuff anyway. But there's pros and cons. It's different. I just wondered if it was. I always am like, what is the this of that? Like, what is the. Yes, Soho of? Or whatever. You know, you're in London and has all the different neighborhoods, or you're in Paris and it has all the different neighborhoods. You're like, just give me some matchups just to help me understand.

Elizabeth (25:06)

Now, what's funny is probably to a lot of people, the valley would seem quite urban, you know.

Gretchen (25:11)

Yeah.

Elizabeth (25:12)

For somebody who likes living in an apartment building and walking to everything and, you know, not driving, to me it feels extremely suburban. I mean, there are yards, there are pools, there are sidewalks with parks and all of that.

Gretchen (25:29)

Well, it's interesting. I mean, I think it's good to just know that it takes a while to grow roots. But if you stay and you embrace where you are, you will get that feeling like you have had that feeling.

Elizabeth (25:41)

It's also interesting to think about, like, what are the things that make something feel like home? I think for a lot of people, probably once they have kids and they're like in a school system and they're meeting people through school and then volunteering, that probably makes something feel like home. Or is it starting a book club or is it totally understanding the transportation? I mean, I think in New York, one thing that really makes you feel like New York is home is when you can just use the subways with ease and, you know, like, oh, I've got a cross at Times Square, or, you know, Union Station.

Gretchen (26:15)

Can I tell you that I still get like a little surge of self satisfaction. I'm like, here I am striding between stations. I'm in the seven corridor, switching to the E.F. watch me go. You know, I really feel that way almost every single time. And by the way, now with an app, it just tells you exactly what to do. It's not even like you used to have to like, really know the subway or like pore over the map and figure out what you're doing. Now you can just look at an app. But I still get a sense of satisfaction. It does make you feel connected to the place. I wonder if for some people too, knowing how to solve a problem, like, I know where the dry cleaner is, if I need to get a key duplicated, if I need to buy mailing envelopes, I've been to the farmer's market. I know what are a couple different dog parks. Knowing where to find the necessities, I think not knowing them makes a place feel strange. And so when you know those things and you know, okay, I know where I would go to get this thing, you know, also doctors, having doctors in a place, I think before you have your doctors and your dentist and the person who cuts your hair. And just like all of that infrastructure of life, it's hard to rebuild all that.

Elizabeth (27:25)

Yeah. And it's interesting because some of that you get within like a year, maybe two years. But then that deeper feeling of roots and really being of a place.

Gretchen (27:36)

Yes.

Elizabeth (27:37)

Does take longer.

Gretchen (27:38)

Absolutely.

Elizabeth (27:39)

When did you feel like you were at home in New York? Do you remember?

Gretchen (27:43)

I don't remember. I don't remember when it was, but I think it was a long time. I think it was, yeah. Many, many years. And I still have a special feeling for Kansas City that I know Kansas City in a way.

Elizabeth (27:56)

Oh, yeah.

Gretchen (27:57)

That's just like in my blood.

Elizabeth (27:58)

I would still say I'm going home when I'm going to Kansas City, you know.

Gretchen (28:02)

But then you would say you were going home when you were going back to Encino.

Elizabeth (28:05)

Yes.

Gretchen (28:06)

Both are home.

Elizabeth (28:06)

Both feel like home. Yes. All right, Gretch, what is our secret of adulthood this week?

Gretchen (28:12)

Okay. Well, one of my secrets of adulthood is red is the salt of color, which I love.

Elizabeth (28:19)

I love just that phrase.

Gretchen (28:21)

I know, right? Well, Celeste sent this in after I talked about that phrase. She wrote, thought you'd appreciate this sign. At the Marie Selby Botanical Garden in Sarasota, Florida, they're doing an exhibit on Alexander Calder, and he was quite taken with red. And so this is a quotation from Alexander Calder, who was, you know, famous. Black and white are first, then red is next, and then I get sort of vague. It's really just for differentiation. But I love red so much that I almost want to paint everything red. I love that.

Elizabeth (28:56)

Yes.

Gretchen (28:57)

So, Elizabeth, are you feeling happier?

Elizabeth (28:59)

I am happier. Thank you to Chuck. Bye, Gretch.

Gretchen (29:03)

Bye, Elizabeth. The best time to start a happiness project is 20 years ago. The second best time is now. So, Elizabeth, I'm already starting to try to figure out what my next April Fool's prank is going to be, because it's a lot of pressure now.

Elizabeth (29:27)

Yes. That is going to be really hard to top. And they're going to be suspended, Suspicious with anything texted.

Gretchen (29:34)

Well, see, I think that this year I had that advantage because I had never done a text prank before, so they weren't looking for it, whereas they probably were on the lookout for breakfast pranks, because I had done several of those by the end there.

Elizabeth (29:46)

Yes. Okay, this is going to take thought.