104: Polyamorous or Just Plain Rude?!

Summary

Happy Wife, Happy Life

Episode 104: Polyamorous or Just Plain Rude?!

Hosts: Kendahl Landreth & Jordan Myrick
Date: March 30, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode finds the comedians Kendahl and Jordan in the midst of moving chaos and candidly reflecting on past living situations, their evolving relationship, and reader questions—covering everything from polyamorous etiquette to navigating love, mental health, and future family plans. The tone is conversational, playful, and deeply honest, packed with laughter, tangents, and practical, if occasionally irreverent, advice for anyone tangled up in relationship dilemmas.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Moving, Milestones, and Minimalism (00:20–10:00)

• Context: The hosts are recording “raw” and candid, having just moved into a bigger space after years of living frugally.
• Discussion:
  • Transition from cramped, shared apartments with multiple roommates to their own townhouse.
  • Feelings of financial anxiety and “living below their means” despite professional successes.
  • The overwhelm of “PR packages” (i.e., freebies sent to influencers), and how it leads to unexpected clutter and constant donating.
  • The surreal experience of having extra space and organized drawers—an unfamiliar but liberating feeling.
• Memorable Quote:
  • “I looked bad. We moved two days ago.” – Kendahl (01:20)
  • “For years, I’ve been like, ‘We just can’t hack not owning so much things.’” – Kendahl (03:41)
  • “Unless you’re filthy rich, you just start ‘doordashing’ band-aids. That’s how filthy rich people live.” – Jordan (04:03)

Podcasting, Viral Fame, and Bouncing from Reactions (10:03–13:58)

• Webby Aspirations: As Webby nomination announcements loom, the hosts encourage their audience to “leave those comments preemptively today, just in case.” (09:44)
• Clout & Social Media:
  • Reflect on going viral due to another (male) podcast’s reaction video and not being tagged.
  • The bizarre success some accounts achieve by just reacting to or pointing at videos.
  • Kesha concert stories: the etiquette (or lack thereof) of audience behavior.
• Quotes:
  • “We could just have Richie record us laughing an hour and a half and put clips in.” – Jordan (11:44)
  • “I’m trying to go see Kesha in concert and no one will go with you.” – Jordan (13:02)

Audience Q&A & Advice Segment

Question 1: Always the Dumper, Never the Dumpee (21:16–33:44)

• Q Summary: A 30-year-old gay man seeks advice; he's ended all of his long-term relationships and feels guilty/unsure if he's just “always looking for greener grass.”
• Advice:
  • “You need to sit down and make a list of why each relationship ended... See where the overlap is.” – Jordan (23:35)
  • Consider if repeated breakups are about unresolved personal expectations versus simply poor match choices.
  • There’s value in recognizing if you’re chasing the ‘honeymoon’ phase, given common two-year relationship declines.
  • Be realistic about dealbreakers—don’t make the list endless, but let the “list guide you without living and dying by it.” – Jordan (32:26)
• Memorable Moment:
  • "The idea of kids is a really good testing point to ground yourself in whether or not you're in a good relationship. Ask, what would it be like going through a custody battle with them?" – Kendahl (38:55)

Question 2: Rethinking Parenthood & Partners (37:22–46:45)

• Q Summary: A listener wonders if their new desire for children (and doubts about her partner's capacity as a co-parent) should end the relationship.
• Advice:
  • If you can’t see yourself raising kids or handling life’s big challenges with your partner, it’s likely a sign the relationship isn’t right for you.
  • “Kids” as a hypothetical test: if your partner is “easily overwhelmed,” that’s not just relevant to parenting, but to any tough scenario.
  • Internalized heteronormativity is normal but can be unlearned; seek out examples of queer families (“go look up YouTubers online and watch their vlogs,” “desensitize yourself”).
  • Be honest and prioritize trust and capability in a partner over societal narratives or guilt.
• Quotes:
  • “Part of the draw of having kids, to me, is the thought of raising a kid with you.” – Kendahl (40:51)
  • “You are going to need a partner who... you would trust to have kids with whether or not you have kids.” – Kendahl (45:41)

Question 3: Polyamorous or Just Plain Rude?! (49:22–57:25)

• Q Summary: Listener in a polyamorous relationship is upset that their partner’s other partners/friends can’t remember their name or acknowledge them, after multiple meetings.
• Hosts’ Takes:
  • Both find this “unbelievably rude,” especially given the level of intimacy involved.
  • Jordan, who has a strong memory, finds the “forgetfulness” inexcusable, especially for people sleeping with your partner.
  • Kendahl empathizes, noting it’s rare for her to forget friends but “with friends, I never forget.”
  • Possible intentionality: not remembering someone’s name can verge on being “purposeful,” possibly about keeping boundaries fuzzy or disrespectful.
  • Partners should advocate for you: “Have your partner do a bit more of the lifting... bring up your name, involve you, make sure you’re not invisible.” – Kendahl (57:13)
  • Self-advocacy matters, but if it’s a repeated, systemic pattern, it may reflect poorly on the person you’re with and their circle.
• Quote:
  • “If somebody was dicking down my wife and couldn’t remember my name, goodbye!” – Jordan (51:05)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On fear of commitment:
  “Are you someone who needs to be in the honeymoon phase? Because it’s just not how it is. I mean, there’s like months that I feel like you and I absolutely hate each other.” – Kendahl (24:41)

• Polyamorous etiquette:
  “If they’re sleeping with your partner, that feels like that’s purposeful... and couldn’t remember your name? I’d be done.” – Jordan (51:05)

• On being visibly gay/queer:
  “You know what helped me? Watch two women holding hands on YouTube. Find the vlogs! You’ll get desensitized and realize, ‘Oh, it’s not bizarre at all.’” – Kendahl (43:35)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:20–10:00: Moving stories, new space, minimalist aspirations, and PR package woes
• 10:03–13:58: Viral moments, reaction video culture, and concert stories
• 20:05–21:16: Launching into listener Q&A; call for more “segments”
• 21:16–33:44: Advice for the “serial breaker-upper”
• 37:22–46:45: Should you break up if you want kids (and/or your partner might not be fit)?
• 49:22–57:25: Being invisible in polyamory—when your partner’s connections won’t acknowledge you

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Overall Tone & Style

• Language/Tone: Candid, comedic, occasionally irreverent and raw, sometimes sweetly vulnerable.
• Style: Conversational with energetic interruptions, tangents, and inside jokes—but deeply invested in giving compassionate, honest advice.
• Approach to Advice: No-nonsense realism, grounded in the hosts’ personal experiences (“we’re always the ones getting dumped”), but recognizing when they're out of their depth (“The worst people to give advice to”).

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Takeaways for Listeners

• Your doubts and discomfort are valid; pay attention to recurring feelings at major relationship milestones.
• When navigating polyamorous or nontraditional dynamics, clear acknowledgment and respect are non-negotiable.
• Don’t let internalized narratives keep you from pursuing or envisioning happiness—find your own models and give yourself grace to learn.
• Ultimately, if you're doubting everything—sometimes it’s as simple (and as hard) as trusting your gut.

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Further Episodes & Patreon

• Listener questions: Submit to [e-mail]
• Patreon: For extended episodes, behind-the-scenes, and more segments—plus recommendations of friends’ (and guests’) podcasts like Pretty Gay.

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Summary

This episode is a blend of moving-day chaos, heartfelt Q&A, and signature banter, with Kendahl and Jordan moving deftly from their personal lives to listener dilemmas while always landing on a mix of warmth, humor, and piercing honesty. For relationship advice that’s as likely to make you laugh out loud as to make you think, this is a stand-out installment.

Transcript

[A]

For everyone who solves crime from their couch, knows more about forensics than their own job, and has trust issues with small town sheriffs. Amazon Music's millions of podcast episodes are calling. Just download the Amazon music app and start listening to your favorite true crime podcasts ad free included with Prime. Welcome to Happy Wife, Happy Life.

[B]

We're your hosts. I'm Kendall Landrin.

[A]

And I'm Jordan Myrick.

[B]

And we are two incredibly unqualified, deeply

[A]

in love comedians who are here to help you with all things relationships. And on today's episode, we are unprepared.

[B]

We are. You're getting. You're getting the Raw. The Raw version.

[A]

You're getting it raw. We're giving it to your Raw. We're gonna get it to your Raw today.

[B]

First of all, I had one of those days. I looked in the mirror and I said. Cause I didn't have time to. I didn't have time to do my makeup.

[A]

You have to backtrack. Let me just say start with the start.

[B]

I was like, I. But I didn't have my glasses on, and I looked in the mirror and I was like, you know what? I don't even think I need makeup. I'm so. I don't even need to do my hair. I look so pretty. Oh, my God, I look so beautiful. This would be awesome. I put my glasses on.

[A]

Uh.

[B]

Oh, I saw. I saw things I didn't want to see. And then I was like, I took them back off. And you'll see I'm not wearing them now. They're on my head because I don't want to see what I saw ever again. I literally. Just because I was so blurred, I was like, airbrushed from how bad my vision is. And then I put my glasses on. I looked bad. We moved two days ago.

[A]

We moved.

[B]

It's incredible.

[A]

Had my birthday and Jordan's birthday happened.

[B]

Your birthday was wild because we got the keys to our new place on your birthday just by chance.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then we went to a couple vintage stores and got some furniture that are awesome.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And thanks.

[A]

Sorry, that was grammatical.

[B]

I got thrown off by, oh, my God, not today. Not today. I can't do it today with the grammar. And so we've had a really nice time. We just moved into a townhouse. But it's. We've lived in. I don't know if we've said this, but we lived in a very small apartment for a very long time.

[A]

Yeah. Famously. We get scared that, you know, we make okay money now, but we're scared that we won't make any more money. At some point we really live below our means. So we really live below our means very actively for quite a long time. We used to. And we were doing pretty well professionally. We used to live in a two bedroom, one bathroom apartment with five people. It was so unnecessary. Literally an adult man slept on the couch.

[B]

And this is like when we did. I mean, maybe not when, but right before we started this podcast. Like this is not long ago. I'll just say, like, we really get scared because I think you never know in, in this world. Like how, when stuff is just gonna stop. Like you're completely out of control. So you're like, okay, well I'm like making good money. But what if it's just like it's not enough to carry me to the end of my life? But I think now we've had.

[A]

We.

[B]

We've dipped our hands in enough ponds. Like I think we do the podcast

[A]

dipped our hands in enough ponds.

[B]

We've gone fishing in enough lakes.

[A]

What are you saying?

[B]

I'm saying that before it was like pots. No, I said what I said. I made up my own thing.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Feeling creatively inspired.

[A]

Stimulated. Wow, that's awesome, baby. I love that.

[B]

I'm just saying before it was like, well, we both did social media and so I was like, well, if that thing goes away by it. Now we have our podcast and I'm writing a book and we have, we have other things. And my point is we, we saved up and we felt stable enough and we bought, we bought a, A bigger place. But for a long time we lived in. Yeah. And we bought a mansion. We bought Bridgerton Mansion.

[A]

Can you imagine?

[B]

No, it's like it's a very normal place, but I, it's. But it doesn't feel that way because we have lived in such a small place for so long and unpacking it is me feel so much better about us because I for years have been like, we just can't hack not owning so much things. Like we own so many things, say

[A]

that kind of stuff. But it's so hard because it's like literally everyone does. Unless you're filthy rich. If you're filthy rich, you don't need to own anything because then if you're just like, oh, I need band aids, I'm gonna doordash band aids to my house or like whatever, like that's how filthy rich people live.

[B]

No.

[A]

So you can be a minimalist.

[B]

But I also think we had like, I think we were in a weird we were in a weird, specifically weird situation because. And once again, no one's ever complained about anything less relatable. But we received so much pr. And I know it's like, cry me a river. But you guys, it can become overwhelming when every day you get a package at your door that's like 900 Chobani flips and you're like, I don't know

[A]

where to put these. Yes. Also, you own so many wigs.

[B]

I do own a lot of wigs. I own a lot of costumes. We both work from home. But you will just get in the mail one day. It's like, oh, like this brand sent you a huge box of shoes that you're just like, it's just hard. It's out of your control. And then you're like, well, I don't want to. And we do a lot of donating of it and stuff.

[A]

But that can always makes you laugh if we ever mention of like, oh, yeah, like, we get so much pr and sometimes it feels crazy. Someone will be like, you know you can donate that, right? And I'm like, yeah, of course, but. But of course.

[B]

But we do, but it's like that's part of it as well. It's like, okay, we have a bag of things that. We have like eight bags of things that are for donations that I have nowhere. My point is, it's moving into this place. I'm like, oh, we actually don't own that many things. No, I mean, right now we're almost completely unpacked and we have like empty cabinets. I never thought. I never thought. I know, I couldn't even picture it. And I think my frustration with it is like, you're saying like, oh, rich people, every time they need a band aid, they just door touch a band aid. But I think it started to feel like that for us a little bit because everything was so, like, every drawer was jam packed to where I was like, Jordan would be like, do we have allergy medication? And I would be like, I don't even begin to know. And I just organized our first aid thing last night. How good does it look?

[A]

It looks great.

[B]

Why are you giggling?

[A]

You're so dramatic. Do we have allergy medicine? I don't even begin to know.

[B]

I. That's how I would feel. And I literally would be like, sometimes I. Because also, like, Jordan always asks for medication or something right before bed, which makes sense. But you're like, I'm going to. Oh, do you have Advil of whatever? And I'm like, I have to Dig through. I. I have to go to the back of this map. I'm trying not to be dramatic, but what can I do?

[A]

I know.

[B]

You know what? This is a podcast. People want dramatic drama.

[A]

You want to a comedy podcast for. For drama.

[B]

But I found we had, like, eight allergy things because it's like, yeah, we. Every time we need it, we go buy a new one because we don't know where the other one.

[A]

We can't find anything yet.

[B]

And I just feel so excited that it feels like even in our kitchen, everything is like, you open a drawer, and you can see everything you own. I'm like, this is beyond what I've ever had. Also, we have a garage now. Have I not stopped talking since we started? Have you said.

[A]

I've said almost nothing. Yeah, that's okay, though. I don't mind.

[B]

People are probably loving it.

[A]

Just kidding. I know.

[B]

I know.

[A]

There was a comment on our podcast from last week with Jill, and the comment was like, would have loved to hear Kendall talk more if she only had the opportunity.

[B]

What are you talking about?

[A]

This bitch never stops.

[B]

Since I was born, people have been, like, shot up, My mom always says.

[C]

Because.

[B]

So I didn't start speaking till really late, really late. And my mom always said she took me to get all these tests. You know, they thought I was deaf for a while. They were like, why would. Because you could tell. Like, I was old enough that I understood what was happening. Like, I knew what was going on, but I just wasn't speaking. And then I started talking. My mom always says, and then she started talking, and she made up for lost time.

[A]

Let's just stop.

[B]

She never stopped.

[A]

Yeah. No, it just makes me laugh because I'm like, you and I both are always talking, and so this thing of being like, if only Kendall could get a word in.

[B]

Well, I.

[A]

She's okay. Don't worry.

[B]

Because whenever we have a guest on. And this is not how I am in personal. Why are you looking at my soda? You want a sip?

[A]

Oh, my. Everything I'm doing today. She's got a question about a sip.

[B]

You want a little sip?

[A]

No, I don't want to sip of your disgusting Diet Coke.

[B]

You guys have never seen anything more dramatic than when Jordan accidentally sips my Diet Coke instead of their.

[A]

Oh, have you ever done it? Have you ever done it? If you're. If you're someone who lives freely and you're not addicted to Diet Coke, you drink normal Coke because, you know, we only have one life to live, and it's worth it. You know when you accidentally have a sip of Diet Coke? You know what pisses me off when I'm at a restaurant? And I don't think it's a weight thing. I think it's just because I'm present as girl, and I think girl equals Diet Coke. Can you wait? Can you let me finish the thought and you'll understand what I'm saying? This is kind of. I've said two words.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

What? Looking more confused. I'm not done with the way I present as girl. I don't think they're okay. But let me say it. When I'm at a restaurant and I'm like, can I get a Coke? And they're like, diet Coke? Really? Yes. But I don't think it's a weight thing. I don't think someone's, like, negging my body, suggesting. Yeah, I don't think it's a suggestion. I think they're being like, oh, you're a girl, so you must be ordering Diet Coke, because girls love Diet Coke. Wow.

[B]

Really?

[A]

That happens to me kind of regularly, but also, I'm also with you. You normally order first because I'm a gentleman, and then you order a Diet Coke. So I'm sure they're the two girly sisters getting Diet Coke. It's a whole thing. Anyway, I've been stockpiling some things to say once you were finished talking, and I'm ready.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Are you ready?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so the first thing I'll say is that this episode is out today. March 30th. March 31st, they announced Webby nominations.

[B]

Okay, well, I sure hope we're nominated now that me.

[A]

Well, no, we already told them that we submitted for best independent podcast.

[B]

Fingers crossed.

[A]

And so tomorrow we'll either have a Webby nomination or we'll. We won't. And we'll have.

[B]

We'll be sad. Yeah.

[A]

Tears in our eyes. But just go and drop a comment and be like, these two sluts gotta win in a webby. You know, Just leave those comments preemptively today, just maybe in case. There's kind of like a last minute deciding. The Webbies decide to, like, look into us. They're always lurking, all the comments of people being like, if only my two faves had a webby.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that's. That's one thing to acknowledge.

[B]

Okay. I love that. Congratulations to us. Even if, hey, even if we don't get a nomination, it's cool that we got to submit.

[A]

Yeah. It's not about winning a Webby. It's about all the webbies you submitted for along the way. Yeah. And also, I agree, I also look bad. I couldn't find my shampoo or my blow dryer so my bangs look like I fell asleep face down on an airplane tray table. And I'm scared. And then I spilled coke all over my breasts on my white shirt that I've never worn before in the car before we came in.

[B]

Does anyone else. Any husbands out there? Your wife always says, tell me when my hair looks bad and their hair looks the same every time you've ever seen it.

[A]

Kendall's is really trying out some bitches. Be like comedy right now.

[B]

I'm. I'm sure this might be a clip.

[A]

Yeah, I'm trying to get clipped. Do you remember the one time be like, what the most viral Kendall and I've ever gotten is when that all male podcast clipped us. Clipped. They clipped a clip of them watching. They posted a clip to their social media of them watching a clip of us talking about how it's sad that we'll never get to go on a boat because we don't have any friends that are conservative. And they just watched us talk in that clip, and they just laughed and they didn't even comment on it. And then they posted it, and then it went mega viral. And we only found out because they hadn't tagged us in the clip.

[B]

We. People started doing commenting. We do in podcasts like that.

[A]

You need to tag them. You need to tag them. And they never tagged us. And I was like, we actually got you guys, like, tons of followers.

[B]

You know what we could probably do?

[A]

We could just.

[B]

No, I don't know how to do that. We could probably just have Richie record us laughing and, like, doing reactions, like an hour and a half, and then send it to our editor to just put.

[A]

To superimpose clips into.

[B]

And then we could probably.

[A]

Yeah, just a bunch of, like, never work.

[B]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa.

[A]

That's crazy. And then we.

[B]

Because I. Every time I watch those, I'm like, why am I not doing that?

[A]

It is crazy when people have a reaction podcast and they're not commenting on what they're watching. They're just, like, giggling at it. Or when it's like, what could the reaction possibly be? Like, they just watched that clip of us and laughed. And I was like, yeah, we're funny. Yeah, very insightful. Versus, like, I would watch a clip of, like, zoologist watching videos of raccoons and being like, they do this because. Yeah, this is happening. Because I'm like, oh, that's educational.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

These two straight men just watched a video of us talking and we're laughing. Yeah.

[B]

Or I wish I was one of those tick tockers where they put videos and then they just go like this.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You can't see me, but I'm pointing.

[A]

You're just, like, pointing up at the video.

[B]

And then they're like, famous. I'll go to their Instagram. They have, like, 20 million followers.

[A]

I'm like, no, I just could do that.

[B]

I could just do. That's amazing.

[A]

It's sick, you know? It's so messed up. I'm trying to go see Kesha in concert and no one will go with you.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Well, what is that about?

[B]

Sorry, I'm busy. And I've already seen her with you in concert. Do you remember that? Sorry, that was at the concert. The Kesha concert.

[A]

Oh, yeah. You know what? I'll say, though? She wasn't even a. I felt bad for her.

[B]

No girl, not her. Her friend. Yeah.

[A]

So there was a girl in front of us. We went to see Kesha at what, Bowery Ballroom or somewhere? I don't know. We were in New York. This was like two or three years lived here. But we were visiting for work, and we were at the Kesha concert with our friend Kelsey. And the woman in front of us was black out, drunk. Like, could not stand up. Was, like, fully laying her back against my chest because she could not stand up. And she kept looking like she was gonna vomit or faint. And so big group of friends. Finally, I looked at her friend. I said, hey, you're with her, right? And she was like, yeah. And I was like, you need to take care of her. You need to take her to the bathroom or you guys need to leave her.

[B]

She was really, like, laying on our chest. Like, we were, like, holding her.

[A]

Yeah. I was like, she's not in a good way. If you're with her, you need to, like, step up. And the girl was like, what? And I was like, your friend is about to pass hours and go get her some water or take her to the bathroom or something. And the girl was like, okay. And then, like, took her to the bathroom. So crazy.

[B]

I was even talking about her. There was a one girl who was just, like. Kept getting mad that people were touching her, like, brushing her shoulder, and she would act like they were, like, attacking her. Like, you would literally brush her shoulder, and she'd be like, excuse me, please don't touch me.

[A]

It was also, you're in a.

[B]

Where there were seats you could buy. We were in the standing area.

[A]

You know what else is annoying about that too, is that she pushed through a bunch of people to get in front of us. And then if any, like, literally, like right before Kesha started performing, it's like she had been at the barricades since an hour before the show or whatever. And then when people did the same thing to her, she acted like, yeah, it was a public and intentional affront to her. And I was like, how are you getting mad at people for doing what you just did? I never understand that. I never understand when people are able to get mad at other people for something that they do or they just did, like really crazy or even when they're wrong. I'll never forget one time we were in Vegas. We were in that plaza. We were driving in California. We were in that plaza with the hotel that has the roller coaster that used to have a White Castle in it. If, you know, if you, if you're from the west coast probably, you probably know what I'm talking about. And we were in the gas station adjacent to that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We were at a four way stop and I started to go and a man in huge truck just ran through the stop sign and almost T boned me. And then I slammed on my brakes and then he laid on his horn and gave me the finger that.

[B]

That is.

[A]

I hope he's dead now. Don't you feel that way?

[B]

I'm like, well, but isn't it scary?

[A]

Like, no way. That man's a good person.

[B]

But think about how even that girl at the concert, I'm like, not trying to be dramatic, but I'm like, the fact that you saw that situation that way, it's like, how do you live your life? Like, how are you in everyday scenarios?

[A]

Yeah. Something's like wrong with you. You're a freak.

[B]

Oh, disgusting.

[A]

Absolute freak.

[B]

What else did you come up with? I was talking.

[A]

Well, I was just thinking, we can't find anything. Our house is covered in cardboard. And you guys may or may not know this depending on your level of fan of me. And if you don't know this, step it up. I have a weird sensory thing where I absolutely hate cardboard and paper. It makes me feel like all my teeth are going to fall out. I really, really hate it. So it's been tough on me during moving. Kendall has to do the moving. But, you know, I do heavy lifts in other ways. I set up the WI fi. Yes, you do. I do all the phone calls.

[B]

I mean, we had movers, so it wasn't it. Now we're unpacking, which I Like, we always. We were talking about this recently, but there's, like, things. I think sometimes there'll be moments where I'm like, oh, my God, I feel like a bad wife. Or there'll be moments you're like, I feel like a bad wife whenever someone is having to do a heavy lift. Like, I mean, when we were dealing with insurance last year, it's like me making a phone call is an absolute joke. I literally.

[A]

I know. I hate it. Do it.

[B]

But it doesn't overwhelm you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so even if it was a bummer, it doesn't. It doesn't make you feel like I'm going to panic and freak out. So you do it. And in those moments, I was like, God, I need to step it up. I feel so bad. But I was saying last night, I was like, I like unpacking. Like, this does not overwhelm me. You. I can clean really fast. I'm very efficient. Like, I can. It doesn't bother me. So, like.

[A]

And I got to sit on the couch and watch Heated Rivalry at the same time as I was reading Heated

[B]

rivalry for the 9,000th time.

[A]

This might be the first time I've ever reread. Reread a book immediately after reading.

[B]

You're rereading the whole series?

[A]

Yeah, I'm reading Role Model right now. That's, I think, what it's called, Role Model. There's so many of them.

[B]

No idea.

[A]

And honestly, the titles don't really make sense to me.

[B]

Why the role model is like, what's that one about? Actually, if I don't know, I don't actually want to talk about it.

[A]

It's so embarrassing. I can feel myself. I'm, like, telling Kendall things about the show as I'm watching the show. And I can see Kendall in the way that, like, you talk to a child. Like, I'm talking. Like, did you actually know that Connor Story learned his lines phonetically? And Kendall is like, in a way that when a child is telling something, like, they're like, my stuff's whale. His name's Dr. Fish. And you're just like, oh, okay, cool. That's how Kendall started talking to me.

[B]

I couldn't. I could not stop laughing because I really could hear myself talking to you like that. When you were telling me about. You were like, well, it's funny because you say you. It's funny because Una says.

[A]

You always call her Una.

[B]

It's because I've read it as so many. I feel like I read it. Y U N A. Oh, I don't know. I have dyslexia. I don't know.

[A]

Stop. Don't make it like that.

[B]

Yuna.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, was like, why would Connor. I don't even remember that. Why would Ilia.

[A]

So I'll explain it. So basically. Well, I don't do spoilers.

[B]

I guess it was why would Ilya. Blah, blah. And you were like, well, it's actually really interesting because Ilya is a first draft pick, so he could actually be on any team. And I was like, what are you talking about?

[A]

This. You know what? Every time I talk about he deriver on the podcast, I keep waiting for people to be like, like, haha. Okay, we're kind of over Jordan talking about this now. Like, it was funny at first, but now we're talking about it too much and I'm like, over it. And thank God, every single episode I look at the comments and the comments are like, so glad to see Jordan is trapped in the same mental prison as I am.

[B]

And the way Jordan talks about it, she's like, you know, the comments people are saying they, like, really relate to me. And I was like, oh, good, I'm glad you've. You've shown up for a community in

[A]

need struggling so deeply.

[B]

Yeah. Heated rivalry, Stan.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, what else did you come up.

[A]

Whatever. Back off, Kendall. What else did I come up with? I don't remember.

[B]

We love our house.

[A]

We love our house. We love our neighbors. We don't know where anything is. And I can't wait to be looking super hottie patati next week. For next week's episode, we're gonna look really, really good.

[B]

Because also, like, I. It used to be in our house. So in our old place, our bathroom was really tiny, and so it was like anytime you got ready, it felt

[A]

like we were on top of each other. And not in a hot way on

[B]

top, sometimes on top of each other. And also everything was everywhere. It was like, like, okay, the. The hair straightener's on the toilet.

[A]

Yeah, the.

[B]

You know, it's just everything is everywhere. And this morning I was getting ready, even just a little bit. I didn't have much stuff, but I was like, wow, we can. There's just a drawer and a place for everything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Nothing stacked on top. It's so wild. I feel insane.

[A]

It's really nice.

[B]

Go ahead. What's the first question? Oh, we're answering your questions. If you're like, wait, I want to ask a question, email us at hwhlpod questions gmail.com. we're trying to do more of these episodes because I feel like we used to do one like once every month and a half, but we get so many email questions, so many questions. And they're so great that I was just like, we need more time. We need more to do more episodes. And I really like these episodes because it feels like we get to chat with you guys. So we're trying to do more of them.

[A]

I also have to say, if we have any segments that we've done that y' all liked, let us know in the comments. Because I always am like, we gotta do segments because like recently we did two in a Mike's podcast. You know, we love Mackenzie, we love Rachel.

[B]

Oh my God, I love.

[A]

They have so many segments and they're so good. And Kendall, I. Every like two months we're like, okay, we're gonna start doing segments. We always do seg. We do a segment one time and then forget to ever do it again because we can't stop talking. We're always just talking. It's so sad. Okay, this is our first question. It comes from the Patreon. Thank you for subscribing I love you. And it's for a man, which is always a man. Subscribe to our Patreon.

[B]

That's charity.

[A]

What?

[B]

That's a charity. That's like. He's probably does it as a donation. He writes off Kendall.

[A]

I'm a 30 year old gay dude and I've been in three long term relationships, two plus years and a handful of non official situations that lasted three to six months each. In every dating situation or relationship I have been in, I'm always the person to initiate a breakup. It almost always ends with me feeling like we weren't compatible long term. And I always feel so guilty and sad when I inevitably fall out of love and end things. I'm afraid of growing old alone because I can't commit to a relationship with. With a perfectly nice man who just doesn't feel like quote the one I don't want to settle, but I just don't know if I've ever dated someone who really gets me and truly gets what it feels like to be a life partner I can connect with long term. Any advice? And this person uses he him pronouns.

[B]

That is really hard.

[A]

I think it's hard. First of all, I want to say it sounds like you're absolutely slang dong, so that's huge for you. It's huge. Three long term relationships and a handful of Non official situations. And you're breaking up with every. And you're breaking up with every single one of my dream. The coolest person I've ever met.

[B]

The worst people to give advice to

[A]

because we are always kind of like, that's awesome.

[B]

We've always been the ones getting dumped. I've done one person one time and I talk about it constantly. So the only cool thing I ever got to do was dump a person.

[A]

Wow. Who I've. I, you know, I've ended some situationships that.

[B]

I mean I've been. But like dating someone that we were like officially dating. I'm always the one that got dumped.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so were you.

[A]

Yeah. Well, especially when I was dating men because men would break up with me and they would be like, it feels like there's maybe something wrong. And I'd be like, you don't like what? Nothing's wrong. Everything's good. Because everything was always wrong. You know. But this is what I'll say. This is a hard advice and it's. I. You may or may not find it helpful, but I'm like, you really have to look inward and, and talk to your therapist because are you someone who is. Grass is always greener. That's bad. That's bad vibes. Especially. Particularly if you're like, I want a life partner to grow old with. If you're someone who's like, on to the next one every single time. But I don't care. I'm gonna live my life and if I'm single when I die, that's great. But if you're like, I want to settle down, I'm gonna have someone. Are you always being like, grass is always greener or are you truly not compatible with these people? If you're not combat with these people also I'm like, you're picking the wrong people. Then like, what's the thing? I think you need to sit down and make a list of why each relationship ended with each person and see where the overlap is because. Am I boring you? Yes.

[B]

Thank you for asking.

[A]

Why is she yawning? Why is she yawning? You just got here. I'm just like, if you are always breaking up with people and no one seems like a good long term fit, my guess is that there's overlapping traits.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, also two years is interesting. It sounds like two years, right? Am I making that up at the

[A]

end of two years plus years?

[B]

But I feel like there's actual research on like the two year mark. Like a lot of people break up the Two year mark. So maybe look at what that research is.

[A]

I don't have. Yeah, do a little research is kind of. I don't remember what it was, but

[B]

something happens at two years. I think two years is kind of like that's when the stuff really becomes you. It's when kind of the honeymoon phase.

[A]

Shut up. You are speaking in such a powerful way right now.

[B]

You know what? Screw you. The two years. It's like you lose the honeymoon phase and it's kind of like make or break decision. It's probably normal. Are you someone who then like needs to be in the honeymoon phase? Because it's just not how it is. I mean, there's like months that I feel like you and I. I mean, and we've been together six years, we

[A]

absolutely hate each other.

[B]

I mean, kind of like. No, not like, not like it's not even that, but it's just like we're in. And I even think less so now, but I feel like around like year three, maybe we had some roommate moments.

[A]

Yeah. Well, sometimes things are more comfortable and more chill and more relaxed. And I think if you're someone who panics easily, you might perceive those as boring. Then there are times where things are

[C]

more

[A]

fraught or high stakes or stressful. And I think you could be someone that perceives that as exciting. So I think that like, you're gonna have all of it. But I think just like, be aware. But I'm just like, if all these people don't have the sauce and you're always the one to determine that, I think you're picking the wrong people for you. I think you need to make a list of traits that would be what a long term partner would have. And I think you need to have a list of traits separately that are the reasons why you broke up with everyone you've broken up with.

[B]

Yeah. Because I also think you need to keep that list. I think you should get to pick five things because I think it's like you don't need more than five deal breakers for someone, in my opinion, because it just. I think some people start to get too specific where it's like this thing they didn't even care about. All of a sudden they're like, well, maybe we should break up because xyz. Xyz, we've talked about this before, but just random. Well, they have a dog that I. It barks a lot. It's like, okay, well, that you. You can't. You can't be. No one's perfect except you.

[A]

Thank you. I think that. I think you can have a million if you want. That's where I think Kendall and I differ. I mean, I. I get what you're saying, and I think you're right in some ways. If you're someone who's like, well, but

[B]

you need to write them down. You can't add them.

[A]

Ex. Exactly. You can't always just be, like, searching, because that's going to be your own problem. And write down, like, actual deal breakers, not just common sense things. Like, I feel like we've talked to people before, and they're like, I wrote down my deal breakers. And then you look at the list and it's like, someone who's not. Like, they can't be racist and they can't hit women. I'm like, yeah, duh. Like, you don't have to write down, like, someone who's never committed vehicular manslaughter. It's like, of course. Yeah. Write down ones that are, like, specific to you. Like, you're probably not gonna date someone who is racist. You're not racist. Right. So, like, maybe just be like, yeah, that's part of my internal fabric. I don't need to, like, be too pressed about that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then if you're dating someone who seems nice, but then they start acting racist, then break up with them. I'm like, you have to look at more specific things. Yeah, like they want to live in California. Exactly. Or like, for me, I would have an extremely hard time dating someone who's a picky eater.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As I've said many times, people always get mad at me about this. I don't care. I'm sorry. Like, I don't want to date someone who's a picky eater.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Is there a world where I could meet someone and fall head over heels in love with them and they're a pick eater and they're hotter than Kendall. No, I'm just kidding. But you know what I mean.

[B]

No, I do.

[A]

But in general, it's like, you got to have a general.

[B]

But I think, though, I kind of disagree about making a list of a million things, because I know this is what I think. Oh, my God. God forbid I speak twice about. But I'm going to.

[A]

That person's going to comment on this episode again.

[B]

I'm going to word it, I'm going to add to it, which is I was talking to someone the other day, and both of us are in long term, committed relationships. Hers much longer than mine. But we were talking about, like, the issue with dating nowadays. I Hate to sound like I'm 800 years old, but I do think it's harder to date nowadays. Because what?

[A]

Because your husband doesn't go to war for long periods of time?

[B]

I mean, yeah, I actually do think that's true, but I think that there's too many options. I think, like, before it would be like, I'm in a small town and there's nine guys. I get along with this one really well and he's like, really nice and he takes care of me and that's great. I think now it feels so impossible to commit because I do think they're. And I've had this for. You're like, well, I could date anyone on earth. Like, it's limitless.

[A]

You're like, I mean, there's a world in which I could DM Michael B. Jordan or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, you're kind of like, oh, I'm. And before we got married, you did. And I was DMing him non stop.

[B]

Well, because I think people are like, the perfect person is out there. And I'm like, yeah, I'm sure if you didn't want to date me, you could go find someone who was like. Like maybe had something I didn't have or didn't. What?

[A]

This is a good question.

[B]

Oh, I thought you just got excited about that thought.

[A]

Go date someone else. No. What is something about me?

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

That you traditionally wouldn't like, but it works because it's me.

[B]

H. Smelly.

[A]

I'm just kidding. Absolute hell. Are you kidding me?

[B]

No, I'm just kidding.

[A]

Do not make me blow up your spot right now.

[B]

My glasses. What's the name? I'm just kidding. You don't. So you actually smell really good. Would you have one for me?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What?

[A]

You're annoying a hot mess express. You're all over the place with stuff. Like, you're not. But you know what I mean? Like, yeah, if someone were to be like, oh, would you want to date someone who's like, not organized and is super forgetful?

[B]

Yeah. You'd be like, no.

[A]

I'd be like, no, probably not.

[B]

Oh, I.

[A]

But it, like, doesn't. It doesn't matter because like.

[B]

But you know what I think wrong. Because you know what? Okay. I hate to bring up heated rapper again. Kill me. It's what my baby cares about. What am I supposed to do? Who are we talking about? I would. Initially my thought was like, oh, if someone was like, would you want to date someone who's super.

[A]

I don't know what word to Use rip.

[B]

Super ripped.

[A]

Incredible.

[B]

Lucky. Incredible. You're not. You've never played hockey. You don't know that.

[A]

What word are you trying to just,

[B]

like, anal is a rude word.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like, it's super anal and, like, super hyper rivalry. Wink. Kendall, who's super. I'm so good at podcasting. The fact that I remembered to say wink. God, you guys, I'm good. Yeah. Like, Jordan's really organized, wants everything done the right way. I hesitate to say it because you've been working on it, so, you know, you've been doing a great job. You're much more chill than you used to be. But I. Yeah, I would have been like, no, but then we were watching heated rivalry, and I said, because I'm trying to engage with my girl on things that she likes. I was like, any guy in the heated rival universe, who would you date if you could? And you said Ilya, and I said Scott, which. And you pointed out that that's really funny because, well, I don't think I'm like Ilia.

[A]

But you're not like Ilia at large, as we've discussed. I am more Ilia and you are more Shane, which I think would shock a lot of people who, like, don't personally know us super well. But I think Ilya does have, like, his outward traits. He's very charming and he. He seems more carefree. Those are two things that you have. And with Scott, Scott is, like, very kind of, like, large and in charge, especially responsible. If you read the books more than watch the show. Like, Scott is very, like, responsible. Everyone kind of like, sees him as, like, like a guiding figure. And people are very much like, yeah, you don't like in the New York Admiral's locker room. Like, you don't use slurs because, you know, if you do, like, Scott will kick your ass or whatever, like, stuff like that. Whereas Ilya's more, like, fun and cheeky and like, whatever, which I think is very much you. So, yeah, we kind of were like,

[B]

oh, you pointed out that, like, oh, you're more attracted to the person who's super responsible, organized, whatever. And I was like, and loyal. And I was like, oh, that's really true. But. So I think my initial thing would be to say that, but I think maybe that is something that I'm into. I think I like stability. I think I'm also self aware enough that I'm like, I cannot date someone who's all over the place like me.

[A]

This proves my point is that you have to be able to find Balance. So I, like, create the list of the things you want, but be open to the list changing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because there are things about you that, like, if I were to make a list, I would be like, those things aren't necessarily on my list. Or those things aren't whatever. Because it's like, you can't. The list exists in a vacuum. You're just creating a fictional person. But once you meet a real person, the way that they embody their own attributes are gonna change person to person. So I think that that is, like, make the list. Let the list guide you, but don't live and die by the list.

[B]

Yeah, totally.

[A]

That's what I'll say. But once again, I probably couldn't date someone who wore a fedora. And we've said this.

[B]

No. Remember when I put a fedora on a couple weeks ago when we were on Pretty Gay?

[A]

But that's because we are married now, so it's different.

[B]

I put on a fedora for pretty gay Catherine McCafferty show who we love, who we adore. I was given this fedora. It was a child's fedora, so it was very small.

[A]

Yeah. One of us was supposed to wear it, and then I couldn't even wear it because Kendall's head is the size of a tiny little pea.

[B]

I put it on. I was like, wait, I look so good at this fedora.

[A]

Wearing a white tank top. And she was like, wait, this is giving, right?

[B]

I was, like, so hot. And then I was like. I felt like. I was like, God, if I was a YouTuber in 2012, like, me at VidCon would have been with, like, a vest. Me and Hannah Hart do a panel together. Come on.

[A]

I love that for you, baby.

[B]

It's so good. Go ahead. Next question.

[A]

I. Absolutely. Okay. Oop. She's on to the next one. I was gonna say one final thing. Oh. If you don't watch Pretty Gay, it's a Patreon exclusive series. It's produced by Sam Reich and Elaine Carroll of Dropout fame and also from being on this podcast and also our friends, and it's exclusively on Patreon. And Katherine is so funny. We love Catherine, and you should go follow them on Patreon. Kendall and I have been on two different seasons in a couple different episodes. And if you go to our Patreon and look at, like, people we think you should follow or whatever, you can find a bunch of people who have been guests on this podcast recommended there. So, like, you can find Pretty Gay Tony and Ryan. I said Bridger From I said no gifts, etc. Etc.

[B]

You gotta love that. Amazing.

[A]

Just a fun little plug for everyone that I think you should go follow.

[B]

I love it.

[C]

Today's episode is sponsored by Herobred. Herobred makes bread better. Herobred is high in fiber, low net carb with zero grams of sugar. Bagels and pastries for breakfast on the go, hot dog and burger buns for holidays and cookouts, pasta and tortillas for healthy lunches and nutritious dinners. You'd never know. Herobread is low net carb, anti fiber. It tastes great and the texture is fantastic. And I really love Hero bread. Every single morning I have one of their bagels. It's a part of my routine. I absolutely love it and it makes me feel like I'm getting a good jump start on the day. They are so doughy and soft and oh, my goodness, do not even get me started on the dinner rolls.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

Once that bag of Hero bread dinner rolls is opened, I'm just grabbing one as I walk by the fridge every so time.

[B]

It's so good.

[C]

Herobred is the perfect way to get some extra protein in your diet. Herobred is offering 10% off your order. Go to Hero Co and use code Wife at checkout. That's Code Wife, Hero Co. Today's episode of Happy Wife, Happy Life is sponsored by Leesa. We sleep great because we sleep on a Leesa mattress. Leesa has a lineup of amazing mattresses tailored to how you sleep. Each designed with a specific sleep position and preference in mind. Mind with Lisa, you get full body support no matter how you sleep. You can feel the difference from night one. I like to think I'm an easygoing person, but I will tell you where I am very not easy going and that is with my mattress. Okay? I become a total diva. I really need to sleep on a very comfortable mattress. I have been staying at people's houses before and been like, you guys, we gotta make a plan. This, this mattress you've got going on,

[B]

this little, this little, little stack of

[C]

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[A]

I love my partner with my whole heart and we have been together for just over four years. We started dating when I was 20 and at the time I felt certain that I did not want children and we were on the same page about that. A few months ago it felt like a switch flipped and I suddenly realized that someday I could actually see myself wanting to be a mother. I spoke to them about it and they basically said that if we ended up in the right situation, I. E. Financially stable enough to support children, good place in our careers, ideally owning a home home, then it would be something they could be open to. The more I've been thinking about it, I struggle to picture raising children with them. We haven't had any huge issues in our relationship, but they have had a lot of struggles with their mental health that they are still working out. They are easily overwhelmed and sometimes a little dramatic. It is also difficult for me to picture a future family that is not a traditional, quote unquote nuclear family. I am a lesbian and do not want to be with a man under any circumstances. But I've had very few examples of queer parents in my life, let alone gender queer parents. I love our relationship and I love them, but at what point would I have to call it? I fear that a lot of my hold ups are just internalized stigmas, but it is difficult to grapple with all of this. Well, that's really.

[B]

You've had a lot of introspection here,

[A]

truly and very vulnerable. Thank you for sharing on the podcast.

[B]

I feel like, like this is a rare, this is a rare one. I think you should break up. And the reason is I think it doesn't matter if you're gonna have kids at all. It does not matter for whether or not you should stay with this person. I think kids are. The idea of kids is a really good testing point to ground yourself in whether or not you're in a good relationship. I've always said that, that when you're dating someone you should think about what it'd be like going through a Custody battle with them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I think I know some people where they're even dating their partner and they're like, well, I know if we broke up, they'd be a nightmare. And it's like, that's wild.

[A]

Red flag. Yeah.

[B]

I know that if we broke up and we had kids, you and I would both have, like, unless something, you know, really one of us changed a lot. We would be super respectful of one another and want the best and put the children first and. Yeah. Still want the best for each other. Like, I really do believe that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I guess anything can happen, but that is how I feel. I feel pretty safe going into that situation. And so even if we don't have kids, I always think that's a good question to ask. Because if your partner gets easily overwhelmed, there's other things in life that are. Kids obviously, are the ultimate. Like, if you're easily overwhelmed, that's super overwhelming. But there's a lot of overwhelming things in life, and you want a partner that. That can. I mean, look, I'm easily overwhelmed. I would say you can get overwhelmed.

[A]

No, sorry. I don't think either one of us is easily overwhelmed.

[B]

Maybe not easily overwhelmed, but we can get overwhelmed. But it's about having, like, control and able to, like. I think you and I both have pretty thick skin. We can push through intense scenarios together. We don't have kids. In the last year, our house flooded. We bought a home, which is great, but is stressful. We, like, had deaths in the family. We had. I mean, we dealt with insurance. Like, a lot of, like, hospital. I was in the hospital. Were in the hospital. Like, we had overwhelming things happen. And you want a partner that you know you can trust 100% to handle those things. So whether or not you have kids, I think the fact that you're like, I don't think raising kids with them would be a good situation. I just don't think that's a good sign. And I think for me. Sorry, I'm yap, yap, yapping away. I like the Y, but I think for me, I. Part of the draw of having kids, to me is the thought of raising a kid with you.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And being like, oh, we would be so good as parents together. You would be such a good parent. I like picture it, and I know I feel less. I think I used to be like, I would never have a kid because a thought was so overwhelming to me. But I think with you, I'm like, well, we would share the load so evenly that it doesn't feel as Overwhelming. But even if we end up not having kids, I will carry that weight off of me for the rest of my life through all sorts of scenarios.

[A]

I think you're totally right. I hear what you're saying. I think for me, first of all, I just want to acknowledge that, like something I will tell people until I am blue in the face is you can be a nuclear, cisgender, heterosexual couple and not be able to have children in the traditional fashion. We are seeing that more and more every single day. I would say most of the people we know who are CIS straight couples are not able to get pregnant naturally. So I think sometimes, and I've heard a lot of people who are bisexual talk about this where sometimes people get hung up of like, oh, but like, I could just have a family in an easier, more traditional way or whatever. And they have no idea and you have no idea. So I think that that's something to keep in mind and just like throw that out. You could also be in a lesbian

[B]

relationship where, wait, I don't really understand nuclear family. Like, I've never heard that.

[A]

Like, husband, wife, child.

[B]

Okay, but biological child is what that means.

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I think, I mean, maybe that's not what they're talking about, but in my mind, when someone's like, I struggle with picturing a non nuclear family, to me that's like a family that's like different than like, like mom, dad, two kids, white picket fence, whatever.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Also, you could be in a heterosexual relationship where one of you is trans and have.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Children. Biologically, you could be in a lesbian relationship where one of you is trans and have children. Biologically, like, there's just a lot of things. So I would say that is internalized and you need to throw that out. You need to throw that out. You talk to a therapist. Whatever you need to do, like, get

[B]

rid of that tip on that is like, I, I. Because I do understand the like. Well, I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I think we're really lucky at the, like, we are in LA. We have, I mean, we have, we know like 80 lesbians with kids. It's like, not hard for me to picture at all. But I do remember being a young girl and feeling. No, realizing I was gay and then going, but I am actually uncomfortable watching. Even though I'm gay, I feel I can't even picture two women holding hands because I've just really never seen it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I would go look up YouTubers online and watch their vlogs and I think you should do that. You can go look up like lesbian families. I mean, I'm not pro family vlogging, but, you know, sit down with some good old Rose and Rosie and watch that. And I think it will just desensitize you a little bit because I do understand the, like, I know I'm gay, I love that I'm gay, but I've never seen this thing. And so just like anything you've never seen, it's hard to picture, but I think it will take you like 10 minutes of watching Rose and Rosie. Sorry. I'm a huge fan. Come on. Our pod, they. It's not very hard to imagine at all. It's very easy and normal and, and

[A]

yeah, yeah, I think you're completely right. So I'm like, throw that away that you do need to work on. And then in term, like, I think it's so hard where it's like, to me, I'm kind of like, if you get the impulse to break up, I'm like, you probably should break up. I know we say it all the time, but I am just like, if you're thinking about it, I think it takes.

[B]

Because that's a logical thing. It's not. It's not. I just get this feeling at two months because I think that's always a hard thing where I'm like, well, if this is a repeat thing, but if you're thinking about having kids and you're like, I don't know if I could trust, like, do you think you could go out of town for a month and be like, I'm leaving my kids with my, with their mother, my wife or partner, or I don't know the genders, but you know what I mean? And be fully fine with it. Because I know I'm like, yeah, if I left town for two years, I would trust you to take care of our kids.

[A]

Well, even if it's not just kids, it could be, it could be a pet, it could be a house that you own. Well, when you're your parent who's sick,

[B]

is your parent sick and you are overwhelmed and then you need your partner to make those hard calls to make, to go to the retirement home and talk with the people and do the numbers. Like, you need to have that in a partner. And like, I know we joke that, like, I'm all over the place, but, like, I can show up for you when I need to show up for you. Oh, like, you know what I mean?

[A]

And like, you show up all the time and you're also all over the place in a way that, like we said earlier, doesn't matter because it directly counteracts the way in which I'm not all over the place. So it, like, works out. You, like, find that.

[B]

But I think both of us, if we need to, can buckle down and do a thing. We, you and I both are not people. Even if something overwhelms me, I can do it, and we both can do it. We're never someone who can, like, would lay on the floor and be like, I don't know what to do. Like, we will figure stuff out. That is important to me in a pr. So I. I'm just like, it really. I think kids can put things into perspective because it feels like the ultimate, like, well, could they do that? Could they do that? But you are going to need a partner who, whether or not you have kids, you would trust to have kids with.

[A]

Yep, absolutely. And so I think it's so hard. It sounds like you love your partner and it seems like they're great, but also, I think that might be time to move on. But also, I'm always, like, pro having a conversation.

[B]

Well, yeah, of course. You don't need to walk into the room right now and be like, we're done.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I think have a conversation. And you could even say that, like. Like, the thought of kids is making me feel these thoughts about, you know, how you would be with kids. And I think I fear with your mental health and all these things that are feeling like you're not able to handle being overwhelmed in general, and even if we don't have kids, I'm feeling kind of like, I would like you to work on those things.

[A]

Yes. And you have to work on your mental health. I think because of the Internet, I think a lot of mental health stuff gets very normalized, which I think is great in certain ways. But sometimes I feel like, like things because of the Internet have gotten where it's like, well, I have this thing. So I. Okay, so you have to accom. And it's like, you can't put your mental health onto other people in that way. You can have periods of time where you're like, I'm not in a good way. I. I mean, as I've spoken openly about, I've been struggling for a little bit. I don't make it fully your problem. But also, also, I'm honest with you. I'm upfront with you. I let you know what's going on with me. And I try medication. I go to therapy. Like, I'm Actively working on that. You had times where your mental health was not great. Everyone's gonna have that. So I'm certainly not saying just because you have a mental health struggle, you can't be loved or whatever, but I do think there are people who will be. Like, I have xyz. So that means that, like, I just kind of carte blanche get to do and say and feel and act. However, that's not the reality of the situation. That's not kind. And that's also not good for your mental health. Like, if you struggle with a thing, get help for it. There's sliding scale cost therapy. There are. You know, even for you. I mean, when we didn't have any money, you would, like, listen to podcasts.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That talked about things and is that the dream situation? No. But there are things that you can do to work on stuff, and it can't just be so. You know, I don't know your partner, but it sounds like if they're always getting overwhelmed by everything and it's always your issue, I don't think that's a very fair way for them to treat you. Which is kind of how I'm interpreting this message.

[B]

Me too. Love you.

[A]

Love ya. All right, let's pull up another question. Am I the asshole for getting upset with my long term partner's friends when they don't remember me? My partner and I are both 24 and use any pronouns. We're in our fifth year of dating. In recent years, there have been multiple people my partner has become friends with who, no matter how many times they meet me at an event, cannot remember who I am at this point. For some of them, it's been years. For context, my partner and I are polyamorous and some of these people are involved with my partner physically and they can't remember my name. My therapist says basically everyone is self absorbed and I shouldn't take it personally. My partner says I'm not doing enough to make myself known. I dress pretty eccentrically and make efforts.

[B]

I'm wearing a huge hat, by the

[A]

way, and I make efforts to converse. Despite having social anxiety and being on the spectrum, I am indeed a rather observant person by comparison. But should I be hurt by being forgotten by people so frequently in my partner's life? Thank you for reading this. I could use your advice and keep it anonymous.

[B]

Thank you. And you also, what a perfectly worded question. Because I love that you included everyone else's thoughts. Because sometimes I'm like, I need all the sides to this.

[A]

I need everyone you've spoken to.

[B]

And that does help me. It gives me kind of. Because I'm sure what's happening is kind of a mix of multiple things. I feel like we're so desensitized to this living in Hollywood, because people try to big dog you all the time. Like, I feel like to us, it's like to everybody, but you feel like you've met someone a million times and they introduce themselves to you. I am really bad about it because I have a horrifying memory, but not with friends. These are professional people I've met. Met in a green room a couple times, and I need to be reminded of their name. But friends, I was about to say, you know, you're.

[A]

You're talking. You're getting kind of a good spectrum of responses, because Kendall can't remember anyone, and I remember people. I remember the nurses that delivered me the day I was born. I've never forgotten a single person in my life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I find this to be so unbelievably rude.

[B]

And this is when people do this.

[A]

Yes. And this is something that Lily and I argue about a lot. Lily do. Friend of the pod for a friend of us.

[B]

I think you're more empathetic now because you love me and you've seen me struggle and be like, I forgot.

[A]

Yes. Lily also doesn't have a good memory. So, you know, I. I see. And I love people who I'm like, okay, they don't have a good memory, so you have to give people some grace. I'm sorry. If somebody was dicking down my wife.

[B]

No, that.

[A]

And couldn't remember my name. I'd be purposeful. Goodbye.

[B]

Because you remember that girl that would always forget. Forget your name. Forget, quote, unquote.

[A]

Oh, and you know what's embarrassing? She's emailed me and been like, I'd love to have you on my podcast. Basically, it's this woman who was all over Kendall, and.

[B]

And I was not interested.

[A]

Like, I didn't act like, yeah, obviously.

[B]

No. I mean, but I wasn't, like, it wasn't. It wasn't like a situation where it was, like, I was being, like, friendly with.

[A]

I will say, this was earlier into us dating. This is like a year now. I'd be like, okay, let's go toe to toe. But I was trying to be like, whatever. I'm gonna. Some credit. She can, like, handle that if she wants to. I should have known. You can't handle that. But I was like, okay, this woman was, like, all over Kendall. Whatever. And she always was like, oh, who's your partner? Oh, you have a partner? Or whatever. I was like, I'm going to.

[B]

No, but then, remember, we were at that bar one time. This was like, two years into it. Like, I had. I. I mean, if you know me, I was in Costa Rica this last week with people for work. And the joke of the trip is that I talk about Jordan 24:7. Like, every sentence on my mouth. This is what my wife Jordan. My wife Jordan. My wife Jordan. I am. So if you know me, you know who my wife Jordan is. And I had talked to this person about you a million times also. I'm sorry, we're on the Internet together. We're a couple on the Internet. Like, whatever.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And we were at that bar. You were with me, and they were only talking to me, which is a huge pet peeve of mine. Only speaking to me. Not turning to you. I was, like, asked you a question to try to involve you in the conversation.

[A]

I said, I'm not doing this before that.

[B]

I know amc. And I was, like, trying to include you in the conversation. And then they just kind of were like, and who are you? I was like, this is insane. So that's what I bring it up, because I feel like it feels more similar to that.

[A]

Well, I think it's like, you brought it up. You should have done more.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You should have.

[B]

Sure. I.

[A]

You handled that. You're so bad sometimes, though.

[B]

I just am. Like, so, like, to be honest, not, I guess to me, if I was really like, I'm not speaking with you, it'd be because I had like, oh, maybe I like, when I care so little about a person, I'm just like, I don't care. Like, I really don't care. You know what I mean? And I also. I was like, 21 at this time. No, you were not. 21. 22.

[A]

No, you were not.

[B]

How old was I? 23.

[A]

We met when you were 21.

[B]

Okay, so 23, fine. But I feel like the. I just didn't care.

[A]

This is. I was just like you, Kendall.

[B]

What is happening is Kendall is gets,

[A]

I think, afraid of offending someone else or being perceived in a certain way. So sometimes you would not have, like, a real reaction. Like, we'll get in the front and be like, that really pissed me off. But I'm like, why didn't you just stop talking to them or say that it pissed you off in the moment? She'd be like, well, you know, I didn't want to be rude. And then I was like, well, what if she's not flirting with me, and I. I'm like, okay, who cares?

[B]

But I don't even want to.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I think in that specific scenario, I was like, I don't even want them to think that I'm clocking the way. I just want to be so neutral because I'm like, you don't even deserve a reaction. I think it feels trashy to be like, I have a girlfriend.

[A]

This is what I'm talking about. She's more worried about being trashy than defending my honor. And that's a huge problem we have. Aren't you feeling so stupid for bringing this up right now?

[B]

No. I mean, I. I can always own

[A]

up to my mistakes, but anyway, so this is at the top of my mind, too, because we were talking about that other woman the other day.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

We've had, I would say, two situations in our six years of dating where two different women on more than one occasion were very disrespectful to me towards Kendall. And it irritated me because there have been times that people have been disrespectful towards Kendall. I've just been like, shut it down immediately. If someone's flirting with me, I shut it down immediately. I'll be like, oh, yeah, my wife. Anyway, bye. Leave. Even if they're not being rude, even if they're just being flirty, I'm like, yeah, my wife, Kendall is one of those people where she's like, well, maybe they're not flirting with me. Me. Well, maybe they're just being super nice. Maybe their thing is that they love to touch other women's hair or whatever. I'm like, oh, my God. But I hate that you're so concerned about being like, well, maybe they're not flirting with me, and then I'll look dumb or whatever.

[B]

And I'm like, anymore. I think I'm just saying that I used to feel that way. I think I've gotten better about that.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Would you say no?

[A]

Well, I just don't think people flirt with you as much anymore, because now we're more publicly intertwined.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

More so we were. Than we were. Now we're fully married.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So I think it feels like a bigger thing. But anyway, way this woman would not stop, like, dming Kendall. Whatever. And kept acting like she didn't know who I was. And then what? Last year, she emailed me and was like, hi, I'm such a big fan. I'd love to have you on my podcast. And I was like, what is wrong with you? You Are insane in the membrane. I think I'm gonna respond to this email.

[B]

You hadn't met in the email, even though you've met a million crazy. So I think it's. But so that just reminded me of that where I like, I think if, with. If they're sleeping with your partner, that feels like that's purposeful. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

So crazy. And even would you agree? It's so hard for me to say because I can't say whether or not it's purposeful. I think it very easily could be. If it's not purposeful, it's rude. Sorry. If. And even just for sexual safety. Yeah. I'm like, if you are polyamorous, you should know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Even if they don't remember your name, you should be like, oh, yeah, your other, your, your main partner, big boobs, brown hair, love, sneakers, whatever. Like, you, you have to like, you know. But what I will say if a lot of people are not remembering you, maybe also you're doing something. Maybe also you're doing something. Unless truly everyone your partner is friends with is an asshole. And if that's the case. Case. I also think that says something about you, unfortunately.

[B]

Yeah. I think, you know, maybe try to find, just for your own peace of mind, like, one of their friends that you really like and, like, really hang out with them at the next thing and, like, try to chat. And so at least, like, they know your name. But I, I, I have a hard time. I would get. If it was like, one of their friends didn't know your name. I was like, oh, they're just an. But I'm like, maybe you should put yourself out there a little bit more. But also, I think, like, have your partner do a little bit of the lifting, especially if it's something you struggle with.

[A]

Well, that's what I think.

[B]

Being. Yeah, being like, like, and, you know, my partner blank. And, you know, my partner blank. And then I think, like, two things can be true. Maybe you can put yourself out there a little more. But I also think they maybe need to advocate for you a little more.

[A]

I wholeheartedly agree. Wow. Okay, we're at the end of the episode.

[B]

Oh, my gosh, you guys. Well, if you just can't get enough of us, we're going to continue this episode over on Patreon.

[A]

Yes. It's going to be so good. So you have to go over there. And as always, this is a fully independently made podcast, fully funded by Kendall and I and the money we make from the podcast. So don't hesitate to join our Patreon like comment. Subscribe follow us on YouTube, TikTok, Instagram. It all really helps.

[B]

Yes, thank you so much for listening and we hope you have a wonderful week.

[A]

See you next Monday. Bye.

[D]

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