110: Who Should Be Our THIRD?

Summary

Podcast Summary: Happy Wife Happy Life – Episode 110: "Who Should Be Our THIRD?"

Hosts: Kendahl Landreth & Jordan Myrick
Date: May 11, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode, comedians Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick embrace their “very unqualified but deeply in love” status while exploring relationship dynamics, comfort zones in marriage, lesbian tropes in media, and a hilarious, revealing “Couples Game.” This episode balances humor, vulnerability, and classic banter as the duo dives into what it's really like to cohabit, navigate relationships and fashion, and even consider adding a third “person” (cartoon or otherwise) to their marriage.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Marriage, Sick Days, and "Alone Time Kookiness"

• Sick Day Shenanigans: Jordan’s night of vomiting led to Kendahl eating cake alone at 2 am—sparking a conversation on how being alone unleashes childlike freedom.
  • “The second Jordan’s out of town or I’m sleeping separate, it’s like a kid whose parents have gone out of town.” —Kendahl (01:36)
• Comfort in Rituals & Accountability: Both hosts reflect on how partnership oddly nurtures productivity and restrains excess:
  • “If I didn’t have you watching me, apparently I would not get anything done and I would just masturbate 24 hours a day and read fanfiction online and watch movies.” —Kendahl (02:13)
  • “No one can be left to your own devices.” —Jordan (02:54)

2. Bad Lesbian Movies, Streaming Habits, and Subtextual Frustrations

• Tubi Addiction & Lesbian ‘Flunk’: Kendahl’s love for Tubi’s eclectic library leads to a deep dive into the Australian “Flunk” film series—movies with “no plot,” mostly consisting of teens flirting over quiche and lost cell phones (06:15–10:29).
• Media Tropes: Both critique the lack of explicit queer representation:
  • “I hate when stuff acts like it’s gonna be really gay…and then it’s not gay at all. There’s gay subtext. But as you’ve said before, I need a little more at this point.” —Jordan (10:32)
  • The absurdity that “straight subtext” doesn’t exist—“That’s what I feel like every lesbian thing is…” —Kendahl (12:17)
  • Memorable Moment: The “Little Bill” fashion digression: straight women dressing like cartoon characters and the confusion this creates for queer women (13:02–14:46)
    • “Straight women have to stop dressing like Little Bill. They really are dressing like Little Bill.” —Kendahl (13:46)

3. Bras, Boobs, and Dressing Realities

• Hilariously frank breakdowns of lesbian lingerie accuracy, sports bras vs. underwires, and public nipple/camel toe etiquette (15:11–17:18):
  • “Free the nips? I say free the lips.” —Kendahl (17:36)
  • “The scaredest swimming I’ve ever seen you is getting in or out of a sports bra.” —Kendahl (15:47)

4. The Couple’s Game: Marriage, Money, and Celebrity Thirds

Major Segments & Notable Questions (19:19 onwards):

• Stupidest Purchase If They Won the Lottery: Kendahl says ‘boat’, Jordan says ‘fountain soda machine’ (20:03), sparking debate over which is “stupider.”

  • “Boat’s not strategic.” —Jordan (20:06)

• Who’s Parents Would Win in a Fight? Unanimously, Jordan’s mom.

  • “My mom would take all three of them, she'd lift them over her head and drop kick them.” —Kendahl (23:01)

• Best Dinner Ever? Joint memory of a magical night at Ojai Valley Inn (23:41–25:31)

  • “They had put my name on the menu.” —Jordan (24:18)

• Who Spends More On Clothes? Jordan, unanimously.

  • Fashion as hobby, Kendahl’s low-end mall shopping habits vs. Jordan’s high-fashion research (25:41–26:29)

• Would They Have Been Friends in High School? Mixed responses, with musings on their different levels of “cool” and anti-drug stances (28:32–33:01)

• Who Would Their "TV Throuple" Be?

  • Animated: Kendahl chooses Buzz Lightyear, Jordan chooses Mulan (44:58–45:00)
    • “Buzz Lightyear is hot.” —Kendahl (45:02)
  • Live-Action: Extended, hilarious debate over fantasy vs. realism in potential thirds; Kendahl’s celebrity crushes, especially Rose Leslie (47:00–49:15)
  • Kendahl’s homework to listeners: “You have to look up Saran Jones and watch some clips of her. I love her in Vigil.” (50:55)

5. Comedy as a Relationship Strength

• Discussion of improv books collecting dust, comedy as math, and their perfectly-matched comedic chemistry:
  • “I think we’re better at comedy than Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. I do think that, yes.” —Jordan (53:50)
  • “We’re two Sophia Graces.” —Kendahl on their equal shine (54:19)

6. Epic Trivia and “Phone-a-Friend” Choices

• Both agree their mutual friend Colin is their “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” life-line:
  • “Colin knows more facts than I know exist…He can look at any shape and tell you what country it is.” —Kendahl (55:06)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Kendahl on Solo Freedom:
  “It’s like I’m on spring break…Why be kind of kooky? I can do these things I normally wouldn’t even want to do.” (03:23)

• Jordan on Queer Subtext in Movies:
  “Tell me when there’s straight subtext in a movie. There’s never been except one time in the new Jurassic Park movie…That’s straight subtext.” (11:13)

• Kendahl Describing Media Tropes:
  “Why are my straight friends wearing what they’re wearing? You’re dressed like Little Bill…B’s not for Bill, it’s for butch. And you’re not.” (13:18–13:36)

• Jordan on Empathy:
  “I am very emotional and private and I think very, very few people see a very soft, emotional side of me, which is very alive and well.” (52:28)

• Kendahl Reflecting on Compatibility:
  “In every facet of our life, we really work well together. We just work well together.” (40:02)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Opening Sick Day Confessions & Late-Night Cake: 00:48–03:36
• Tubi Lesbian Movie Rant (Flunk): 05:33–10:29
• Fashion, Straight Lesbians, and “Little Bill”: 13:02–15:00
• Bras, Boobs, and Nipples: 15:11–17:18
• Start of Couple’s Game: 19:19
• Who Would Win in a Parental Fight?: 22:55
• Ojai Dinner Story: 23:41–25:31
• Would They Have Been Friends in High School?: 28:32–33:01
• Animated Throuple Discussion: 43:05–45:46
• On Comedy as Strength: 53:40–54:27
• Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Phone-a-Friend: 54:47–56:43

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Closing Thoughts

This episode is a treasure trove of lesbian partnership realness, deadpan wit, and genuine affection. From bad lesbian movies to candid bra talk to debates over cartoon crushes, Kendahl and Jordan remain consistently hilarious, honest, and relatable. Whether reflecting on how they keep each other (relatively) accountable, poking fun at queer fashion confusion, or confirming their unique comic synergy, the couple shines as both romantic and comedic partners.

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Recommended Listening For:
Fans of queer comedy, real relationship banter, or anyone seeking light-hearted insight on modern love—delivered with loving jabs, pop culture tangents, and a whole lot of laughter.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Welcome to Happy Wife, Happy Life. We're your hosts. I'm Kendall Landrie.

[C]

I'm Jordan Myrick.

[B]

And we are two incredibly unqualified but

[C]

deeply in love comedians. We're here to help you with all things relationships. And on today's episode, we're playing a couple's game.

[B]

Hello, Jordan Myrick. Hello, Kendall Landriff. How are you?

[C]

Bad.

[B]

Oh, my darling, you know I'm bad. I know. I feel terrible.

[C]

I spent all last night puking my brains out.

[B]

Yep. Don't be scared. Everyone in the studio, don't be scared.

[C]

Reggie, don't be scared. Only Ricky.

[B]

It's not. Whatever was happening was very. I don't know what was happening, but Jordan was very sick. I'm so sorry. Are you okay?

[C]

Yeah. And I was sick, so we slept separately because I didn't want to keep you up all night if I had to, like, get up all night long. But instead you kept me up all night.

[B]

Did I now? I know there was a point. I tried to. Okay, I tried. We have a Costco cake in our fridge right now, and I did it, like 2am Go and open it up. And the plastic was the loudest thing that's ever. It sounded like a bomb was going on.

[C]

It woke me up like a chicken on a farm.

[B]

I'm so sorry. And I was eating cake, and then I was trying to put it back. I don't know if anyone else who's married feels this way, but I don't feel like Jordan in any way controls me. And I don't feel like there's nothing I can't do. But the second Jordan's out of town or I'm sleeping separate, it's like a kid whose parents have gone out of town. And I don't. Why, because I could do whatever I want all the time, but it's like all of a sudden, I'm downstairs, I'm sleeping on the couch, and I'm like, well, I guess I'll stay up till 4am watching movies. Why? I had work today. I have such a busy I have a late night tonight with work. I'm like, what am I doing?

[C]

I think it's just something about not being perceived. Because, like, when you went out of town to go to Costa Rica for that work trip, I was unbelievable. I was staying up, I was reading fanfiction, watching Heated Rivalry, and on edibles every night until 4 o' clock in the.

[B]

It's weird because. And you could do that. I'm not. You could do that any night, but it's almost like you don't want to. I'm like, no, I don't want you to watch me do that. I need to be. And it makes you be like, am I? This is why you. I believe humans were made to be partnered up, because if I didn't have you watching me, apparently I would not get anything done and I would just masturbate 24 hours a day and read fan fiction online and watch movies.

[C]

You can't be left to your own devices. And by you, I mean the universal you. No one can be left to your own devices.

[B]

You need to have someone watching and judging.

[C]

Yeah, but you do get tired of it. Like, when I was single, it wasn't like that because I was like, it's not special.

[B]

I think you want whatever is special.

[C]

And being alone, even though I love being with you so much and I know you feel the same way.

[B]

Yeah, well, don't speak for me. Oh, just kidding.

[C]

Being alone is rare when you're married.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Most of the time.

[B]

100%.

[C]

So I think it feels like a fun little. Like I'm on spring break.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Why Be kind of kooky. I can do these things that I normally wouldn't even want to do.

[B]

Because. Because why? I don't want to eat cake at 2am but I. I had a soda at 1am Basically, this is what happened. I go to lay down. It's probably 10pm downstairs. I'm like, I'm gonna turn on a Tubi movie. Something about me. I love a Tubi movie. This is not sponsored.

[C]

I'm big fans of Tubi.

[B]

We. You cannot be possibly a big fan. Are you a big fan of Tubi?

[C]

Well, I like Tubi as a streaming service.

[B]

Okay. I guess I go to Tubi for.

[C]

Why are you coming at me so hard?

[B]

No, no, actually, it's a compliment to you. I think I go to Tubi now. This is to be. To be. First of all, I'm paying 2B's mortgage because I. I watch a lot of. To Be.

[C]

Well, to Be Free.

[B]

So that's And I don't understand that either. What. How is to be making money? I don't know. And there were a lot of ads. There were a lot. That's true.

[C]

We're kind of the to be of podcasts. Okay.

[B]

All right. I'm sure to be has a lot of great stuff. What I love about Tubi is they also have a lot of really bad stuff. And this is no, it's no hate. I think there needs to be a place for these movies that someone made on their iPhone that who is purchasing. Where did this movie. No one's going to see it. Oh, don't worry. It's on Tubi. And I love to be for that. And that's what I go to Tubi for. It is such a comfort to me to look up. I'll search Lesbian romance. There's some good stuff and there's some homemade stuff. Okay, so going to pornhub, right?

[C]

Some of it's amateur, some of it's highbrow.

[B]

And you don't know and you don't know what you know. And now these people, they're, they're, they're buying. You can't tell from the COVID always. Now, it used to be I can tell when it's a really bad movie because the COVID looks ridiculous. People are getting good. They're having their little friends from film school make these really nice looking covers. They're learning how to make it and you know, indie is in. So they'll just take a picture that looks really like off on guard and you're like, oh, this is an Oscar winning movie. And it is absolutely terrible. You never know you're going to get. It's addictive. I love to be. I watch. And that is what I do when I'm alone because I don't think something about you. You could sit through a movie that is bad. Not struggle. Not at home, not at home.

[C]

I could go to a theater and sit through. And that's the difference between us. You don't want to sit in a theater and watch a movie that's bad. But you'll watch a bad movie at home.

[B]

And I love to watch a bad movie at home.

[C]

And I cannot at home.

[B]

And it's something I seek out. There are nights I go, I want to watch a bad movie. I want to watch a movie that is that I'm like cackling, whatever. Sometimes on these two B movies though, I go to watch a bad movie. Oh, it's not bad at all. I didn't get serious really quick and I'm locked in, and I'm obsessed. And this is what happened last night. I look up lesbian romance. I see a movie. I click on it. Hour and 41 minutes. Let me explain to you, Jordan, the plot of this movie, and just process. This was an hour and 41 minutes. What I'm about to describe to you. Okay, it's Australian, of course. Two girls meet at a party.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

They say. She says, let me walk you home. Okay. She says, okay. They chat, they talk about stuff. They're doing inside jokes. I'm pretty sure this movie was improvised. Almost all of it. I can tell this is not a scripted film. So they got. They sit at the bus stop. She says, I'm gonna wait with you at the bus stop. She's like, okay, where do you work? I work at a bakery. What do you sell at the bakery? She talks for five minutes about what she sells at the bakery. I'm eating it up.

[C]

Because she's passionate about the bakery.

[B]

It sounds like. No, she doesn't like working there. Oh, she's just describing stuff. They're. It's the energy. They're flirting. Not with their words, with their eyes. Both of them are hot.

[C]

So what? She's just naming pastries and breads and stuff?

[B]

She said brownies. The girl goes, oh, I love brownies. She says, we have quiche. Really? She said, oh, I wish I could have a meat pie. Are you vegetarian? Yeah. It was literally. What was being said? Nothing. Everything with the eyes. She goes, what are you doing tomorrow? They just met this night. What are you doing tomorrow? Oh, I'm going to the lake. You should come with me. Okay. I'll see if I can get off work. Cut to the lake. Literally, the rest of the movie takes place to the lake. She's reading Moby Dick. She's like, oh, I know. Or, no, she's reading. No, no, no. They talk about Moby Dick later. She's reading Catcher in the Rye.

[C]

Ew.

[B]

She's like, I love Catcher in the Rye. Ew. She tells her. She's like, I'm not a reader. She's like, well, if you start reading, you should start with Catcher in the Rye. Bad advice, honey. And don't start with Moby Dick either. She's like, okay, I'll read it. They're flirting, but it's just. It's just. This is all that's happening. Then her friends show. Two other friends show up. Brother, sister. They're in a band together. They're chatting. The girl's like, wait, I thought it Was just gonna be the two of us. She never says. She doesn't say this. Then one of the friends is like, should we go get a slice of pizza? She's like, okay. They go get pizza. Then later they're like, okay, we're done eating our pizza. That was really good. We should go. I need to pick up some books at a library. Okay, let's go to the library. They walk to the library. She goes, fuck, where's my phone? The girl's like, we're gonna help you find it. It's just the two of them now. Don't worry, I'll help you find your phone. She's like, well, I can't afford a new phone, so this is a really big deal. They do find my iPhone. Can't find it. They find the phone. Finally, they kiss. End of the movie. It says, follow their story again in the sequel. Immediate click. Immediate click. There's an hour now. It's. It's pushing midnight. I said, yeah, I'm gonna watch Number Two. Number Two. It follows them. And another couple similar plot where there is no plot. What is happening? I don't know. It feels like you're just watching a fly on the wall. Two high schoolers hang out. I have no idea. I'm eating it up for some reason. Get to the end of that movie. There's a fucking third movie.

[C]

What's the name of these movies?

[B]

So I've looked it up. It's called Flunk and I've never seen anything like this. They're each movies. They're feature length films, but it's done kind of like a TV show.

[C]

They're doing all kinds of stuff in Australia.

[B]

Australia. You know how I feel about Australia. I told you in the cars morning. I said, I love Australia. I'm obsessed with Australia. Wherever this place is, I want to live there and I want to go to high school there. And I. Everyone's a lesbian at this school for some reason. But also everyone's homophobic. I don't it. I'm obsessed with everything.

[C]

That's all. Every single hockey book I read. I'm like, now to my understanding of professional athletics in general. Professional male athletics. Every single person is a homosexual, yet every single person is also deeply homophobic. Yeah, they all hate each other, but they are also all secretly having sex.

[B]

They're all having sex 100%. So at this school, okay, it's called Flunk. The bio is lesbian high school romance 100%. I don't know how far because at 2am I said, Kendall, you have to go to. You have to go to bed. And I turned on Santa Clarita diet and I went to sleep. But I don't know how far this goes. I don't know how many more movies there are with this cast where nothing, Nothing happens. The plot is. There's nothing happening except flirting between two people. That is so unspoken. No one's being like, I really like you. It's just being like, what'd you eat for breakfast? Oh, did you really? But it's like, I don't know what. I was mesmerized. I was mesmerized. Go watch it, you guys. It's flunk. It's called flunk.

[C]

I don't get it. Can I tell you about a movie that I thought should have had more going on?

[B]

What?

[C]

This week I saw Mother Mary.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Which is the Michaela Cole, Anne Hathaway. They make it seem kind of like a psychological thriller. Okay, maybe psychosexual. It's not. It's not sexual at all. I found it to be very boring. People keep trying to explain it to me, being like, oh, but it's about guilt. I'm like, yeah, I understand. It's boring. And I didn't like it. They act. I hate when stuff acts like it's gonna be really gay. And then before it comes out, there's like a million think pieces about it and da, da, da, whatever. And then like, it's not gay at all. And there's gay subtext. But as you've said before, I need a little more at this point.

[B]

And tell me when there's straight subtext in a movie. Literally. There's never been. Except one time in the new Jurassic park movie between what's his name?

[C]

Jonathan.

[B]

Jonathan Bailey and Scarlett Johansson. That was straight subtext. I don't know what was going on. Why was there not a kissing scene at the end of that? I have no idea. That was upsetting to me. That was crazy. That's the only movie. There's never straight subtext. You don't ever watch a movie and go, I think maybe they were straight, but I don't know. It's only lesbians and they market. And if there was.

[C]

And gay men.

[B]

What? Yeah, but I think less so, probably. Yeah. I honestly know. I don't think. Because I think with gay men, it's like. I mean, I'm not. I'm talking about recently. They don't have two people that are clearly gay men flirting the whole movie and nothing happens. That's like the whole plot of the movie. Usually I feel like it is. So also, it would be like, if. Okay, this is what it is. If. If the Jurassic park movie was marketed as a romance. Oh.

[C]

And they never kiss.

[B]

And they never kiss. That's what I feel like. Every lesbian thing is where it's like, they're literally dating. No one's commenting on it. They're both dressed like. I'm sorry. When is it going to be okay to tell people you can't dress like that with the lesbian stuff? Why are my straight friends wearing what they're wearing? And you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, it's confusing. It's weird. You're dressed like Little Bill. Yeah. You're dressed like a lesbian. I. It's confusing. Ended up. And when I was single, it was really confusing where I'm like, I've spent my whole night flirting with you because you're wearing construction boots and a flannel. And then you just told me that you're doing IVF with your husband. I'm lost. Yeah, I'm lost. That's rough. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

[C]

I agree. I think it's hard, you know?

[B]

Did it make sense to you when I. I said they dress like Little Bill, and now I'm like, wait. In my head, that made sense. And then I'm like, what does Little Bill dress like?

[C]

Show it to me.

[B]

I think Little Bill.

[C]

I have a vision in my head.

[B]

Yeah, he's wearing a Little Bill.

[C]

Is he wearing, like, a little blue baseball cap?

[B]

He's dressed like that.

[C]

Oh, that's not at all who I thought that was.

[B]

You straight women are dressing like Little Bill, and then you have a husband. You're dressing like this. You got a husband at home. B's. Not for Bill. It's for butch. And you're not. And then you're doing stuff with your husband.

[C]

I hear that.

[B]

Dressing like Little Bill. They really are dressing like Little Bill. Honestly, I said it, and now I'm looking at it.

[C]

I'm like, yeah, a very apt description.

[B]

Straight women have to stop dressing like Little Bill.

[C]

I can tell you're very pleased with yourself.

[B]

Cause that is exactly what it fucking is.

[C]

No, but it's true.

[B]

I hear it. Cause it's not, like, overtly. That's what it is. It's like, Little Bill is dressed pretty normally. It's nothing. It's. It's very. You know what it is? There's no branding. These straight women are wearing just, like, unbranded Levi jeans with a T shirt and expecting me not to think they're in a lesbian polyamorous relationship.

[C]

Because you're like, brands are for straight people.

[B]

Brands are for straight people.

[C]

You need to have the coach purse with the C's all over it.

[B]

Yes, you should.

[C]

Wearing a shirt that says lesbians, It's.

[B]

Everything is unbranded. And then there's always a Nike sports bra underneath. Yeah, you hide the brand anyways.

[C]

And straight people, it's brand on the outside.

[B]

Brand on the outside. Nothing on the inside.

[C]

Nothing.

[B]

Well, there's bra on the inside, but it's like a nude wire bra underneath.

[C]

Okay, I forget.

[B]

People wear wired bras until in a show, they go to take their clothes off and the women are wearing wired bras. And I'm like, jump scare.

[C]

It makes your boobs look awesome, though.

[B]

It just, to me, uncomfortable.

[C]

Well, yeah, of course. But that's why I don't wear them. But they make your boobs gossip.

[B]

Well, it is true. Because I will say, even, like, I'm writing a smutty romance right now, and I'm not having these bitches in wired bras. They're all wearing sports bras. Of course it's real. This is. Hey, this is real life, you guys. And every time I describe it, I'm like, this is not. I have to find a way to skip over the sports bra because it's not hot. It's not hot that they're wearing?

[C]

Well, yeah, because you take it off and it's so tight, then it snaps off, and then you look like you're staring at a double order of pancakes at a Waffle House.

[B]

And maybe that's what I should play into. I flat, flat sopping. The. The. The girl she's having sex with has to help her get over her head. Her head in the sports bra.

[C]

That feels like a nightmare. I've. I've probably said this before, but I've had this happen a bunch of times where I'm trying on sports bras at, you know, a Ross or whatever, and my Fitbit alerts me that I got, like, 16 minutes of swimming as exercise. Because so much of the trying on of the bras, my arms are over my head and I'm flailing.

[B]

The scaredest swimming I've ever seen you is getting in or out of a sports bra. There's been moments where I hear Jordan screaming. I come to the room, Jordan's halfway in a sports bra going, this is serious. This is serious. I'm having a panic attack. I'm having a panic attack.

[C]

I do not like getting stuck in

[B]

Clothes I don't wear.

[C]

Bras really feel scary. I know. That's because I paid a bunch of money for your breasts to be cut off.

[B]

I know. And now I don't. But then I realize now I'm go, I full braless. I do not wear bra. I'm not wearing a bra right now. I don't. I never wear a bra. And then sometimes I'll get a dm. That's, like, so cool of you to like, to promote freeing the nipple. And I'm like, oh, am I actually giving insane woman that goes braless instead of what I thought I was giving, which is little boy that has no boobs?

[C]

Well, I don't think you're giving insane woman who goes braless.

[B]

Well, not that. Hey, going braless doesn't make you insane, but am I. Am I giving woman who's decided and made a choice to not wear bras because she doesn't believe in bras and she really maybe should be wearing a bra?

[C]

I don't want to be rude. I don't think anyone's thinking about it that much.

[B]

I think you're wrong.

[C]

I think that people are just like.

[B]

I think a lot of people are thinking about my nipples. And you're right, because they're coming through.

[C]

You're not right.

[B]

You didn't say this, but I'm just saying I'm trying to have a podcast, trying to just make up things. You're trying to yourself.

[C]

I always said you're right about that. What?

[B]

My nipples do show a lot sometimes.

[C]

Sometimes. But not in a way that's, like, more egregious than anyone else's.

[B]

Right. No, you're right.

[C]

They're not.

[B]

What?

[C]

Your crotch?

[B]

Jordan, I get it. My camel toe is something I can't control. And I actually think that was a beautiful moment, our relationship, because I think you used to be like, kendall, get your shit together with the camel toe.

[C]

You.

[B]

Why do you always have camel toe? Figure it out. And I think you finally realize, like, that's something that I was born with. Yeah, there's something was amiss there, because I cannot. I will be in snow pants, and I have camel toe.

[C]

You need to wear, like, a men's sports cup to prevent you from having camel toe.

[B]

Hey, free the lips. As I say, that's. I don't say free the nips. I say free the lips.

[C]

All right, onto the game.

[B]

Today we're playing a game called the Couple's Game. I actually believe we played this in season one.

[C]

So long ago.

[B]

So long ago. But I wanted to get back at it because I love stuff like this.

[C]

Married edition.

[B]

Married Edition made me do movie trivia

[C]

on the couch the other night.

[B]

Made you.

[C]

Sorry. Force me.

[B]

I thought you would think it was fun. But you know what? I struggle with, like, any trivia game. And you're right. We need to get a current day. You said this the other night. We need to get a current day. Trivial Pursuit.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because anytime I play Trivial pursuit, it's like 1932 version, and they're like, who won the Oscar for the first black and white film? I'm like, I have no fucking idea. And then I forget. They make Trivial Pursuit for current day. Like, that's so fun. We should do that. Because those questions are good. But anytime I get a game. Honestly, sometimes games like this. Although this one I've gone through and picked out the ones I like. But it'll be like, couples trivia. Where are they from? I'm like, have you never met your partner? Like, who is this for? But I feel like the movie a trivia. What does it say? What does it say? I love Kendall. Sweet. I was not expecting that. I was expecting something really mean, but

[C]

the Maria really mean.

[B]

Like a. You drew like a middle finger or something. Not really mean. I can. I have thick skin. But the movie trivia was similar where it would be like, what's the name of the toy cowboy in Toy Story? I was like, this is not movie tr. This is like movie trivia for child. So I want to try to find some really good movie trivia for you.

[C]

All right. Yeah. If anyone has any really good movie trivia games out there, please let us know.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. So how it's gonna work is I'm gonna ask a question from these cards, and I don't think we're playing this game correctly. I'm just gonna do it. How I would do it, I don't know. On our couch. Yeah.

[C]

People of the couple's game. That's actually fun company. Please don't.

[B]

Don't get upset. I'm going to say the question. So, for example, this is. What is the stupidest thing we should buy if we win the lottery tomorrow? And we're going to write what we think the other person is going to. We're going to write our answer, but try to have them be the same. Okay, great. So I'll say it again. What is the stupidest thing we should buy if we win the lottery tomorrow? Stupid should is confusing me. Should take it out. I'm changing the game. What is the stupidest thing we would buy.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Oh, God. We're not writing the same thing. I already know it.

[B]

Yeah, Yours is, like, 50 letters long.

[C]

Hold on.

[B]

Gotta be strategic. Jordan, you saw I put four letters. Let's. Let's focus that.

[C]

I can't cheat. I'm already in it.

[B]

You're right. In a sentence. 3, 2, 1. I put boat.

[C]

I put fountain, soda, machine. Oh, boat's not strategic.

[B]

I think we could probably buy one of those now. I don't know.

[C]

Actually, a whole production to get it installed in your house.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't think I would let us buy one of those.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

To be honest.

[C]

Well, you're not in charge.

[B]

I think I would have. Well, but I think I would literally be like, we cannot control. What are you writing now? I haven't asked a question. You're writing a message to me. What are you writing? What are you writing? Oh, my God. I have to put my glasses on for this. And Jordan writes in cursive. What does that say? Let's see. My glasses aren't clean. I hate Kendall. Okay?

[C]

And Kendall spilled one.

[B]

Jordan. I would buy a boat. I would buy a speedboat.

[C]

Stupid. I would buy a boat as well,

[B]

but it's not stupid, because think about. Okay, this is why. Well, what I'd really do is buy a ranch with horses.

[C]

But that's not stupid either.

[B]

I didn't think of that. I'm trying to be fast, but what the thing about a boat is. I'm not gonna buy a boat. Honestly, it's the same way I feel about horses. I'm not buying a boat unless I have a. I mean, a beach house, a dock, a man who cleans and drives my boat. It's gonna get expensive. Today's episode of Happy Wife, Happy Life is sponsored by Mint Mobile. Stop overpaying for your phone plan just because you're used to it. Switch to Mint Mobile and see what you've been missing. Same coverage, same speed, unlimited talk, text and data, all on the nation's largest 5G network. Mint Mobile plans start at just 15 bucks a month for three months. When someone says to me, it's time for you to set up a phone plan, the words that immediately come to my mind, and I'm sorry, I know it's, as the kids would say, very millennial cringe. But immediately I go, adulting is hard. That's how I feel. I'm like, this is peak adulting, you guys. I know this is embarrassing, what I'm saying, but that is how I feel. That's the only word I know to describe how I feel when someone asks me to set up a phone plan. Adulting is hard. And that's what I love about Mint Mobile. Because it is so easy. It makes me go, wait a minute. Adulting is easy. And maybe that's not as millennial. Adulting is easy. I like adulting. I think it's the ornitholkin. Anyways, that is how I feel. With Mint Mobile, it's super easy. Bring your current phone and number over to Mint. No long term contracts, no hassle. Mint makes it Easy with a 7 day money back guarantee. If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop [e-mail] wife that's mintmobile.com wife upfront payments of $45 for three months. Five gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 a month. New customer offer for the first three months only. Then full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra semen. Mobile.com for details. Okay, next question. Whose parents would win if they fought each other in their prime? So remember, my dad's not paralyzed yet and he's alive. Okay, let's say out of the four, not which parents like as a duo, which of our four parents would win in a fight?

[C]

Okay,

[B]

three, two, one.

[C]

Hold on.

[B]

Your mom.

[C]

My mom?

[B]

Yeah, 100%. Your mom would take all three of them, she'd lift them over her head and drop kick them.

[C]

My mom's like six feet tall and

[B]

so strong she would shop put them all.

[C]

She's unfazed by anything. She lifts huge adult men at the hospital she works with all the time by herself.

[B]

Yeah. Second place, weirdly. Three, two, one. My mom. Yeah, I counted you and say it, but I would assume that's what you think too. I think both of our dads, that's something we relate on. Our dads are not the soft boys in the relationship. Very soft. What is the best dinner we've ever had together? I have mine, you have yours already. Ding, ding, ding. And you know, don't. Hey, you can think of something different later. But I think just first thought mine was easy though.

[C]

Why have I have a couple? Okay. Three, two, one.

[B]

Oh, hi. Oh, hi. Oh my God. That's actually crazy. We got that. We had a bunch because that tells you that was really good because I mean Jordan and I, God, we've eaten million times. How many dinners do you think we've had together out to eat? Thousands. Ojai Valley Inn. We went for your birthday and it was just, you know when a night just Hits. Right. I don't know what was in the air.

[C]

Well, I do. It was everything about it. It was like my birthday. The weather was perfect. We were staying at this really nice resort. We got there, they had put my name on the menu.

[B]

It said happy birthday, Jordan.

[C]

Happy birthday, Jordan on the prefix menu that they gave each of us. And every single dish was unbelievable. We ordered. Ordered. It was like four courses each. We ordered four separate things for every course. Everything we tasted was unbelievable. It was pixie season, which is like, a specific type of little, like, mandarin orange they do that's really special and has a short window. So we kept getting, like, pixie tangerine margaritas.

[B]

And that, I think, is this day the best cocktail I've ever had. I would go back just to get a. And we're not big drinkers.

[C]

No.

[B]

Well, and then they kept sending us more.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I. So then we also got a little tipsy, and the view was pretty. And it was just. We were laughing. Like, we were just both in a good mood.

[C]

We, like, server was so nice.

[B]

Oh, my God. What happened? There was something that happened that made me laugh so hard. He did he. Oh, he served me something in a bowl that was supposed to be tableside.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So he get. He sets an empty bowl in front of me. Is this. What. Am I remembering this correctly?

[C]

I think so.

[B]

And then he hadn't done the prefixed part or he hadn't done the table side thing yet. So he was gonna pour something in the bowl. But I clearly got nervous, and I was, like, a little drunk. I look in this empty bowl and I go, wow, thank you so much. And he was like, that. That's an empty bowl. Yeah. And we thought that was really funny. Like, it was just a good dinner.

[C]

We just had a really nice time. I agree with you.

[B]

Who spends more money on clothes? 3, 2, 1. Jordan spends way more money on clothes. But, like, by a lot.

[C]

But wear my clothes too. So I think so.

[B]

It's not a negative. It's just. So you're being defensive. Remember, we've been working on this. No, you spent. First of all, I. I don't know. Being fat. What are you writing now? It looks like you're just doodling while I'm speaking. Can you please.

[C]

What did you say? What were you saying a second said. You said being fat.

[B]

You don't know. You have no idea because you were drawing a picture. I was gonna say, I think being in fashion and style is a full hobby. So, like, I ride horses. Jordan knows about clothes. Like, Jordan it takes such a level of research and education. Why are you. First of all, you're paint. You're drawing, and you're holding your thing like an easel and a paintbrush.

[C]

I'm just having fun. I'm sorry. I thought we were chatting and having fun.

[B]

My little creative over there. No, go for it. No, I feel like you know so many brands, and I'm like, that is a full. It takes so much time, so much research, so much energy. You know all these designers. I don't know. I don't even begin to know about that stuff. When I need an outfit for an event, like, I am a teenager in the 90s, I go to the mall. Yeah, I have shopped for a red carpet dress at Windsor. That's where I bought my prom dress. I go back there because I don't even know anything about shopping. I don't know anything. I'm trying to buy a dress with a bunch of girls who are shopping for their quinceanera. Like, I am in the same place trying to buy a red carpet dress. I have no idea what I'm doing. So you buy more expensive clothes because you are more knowledgeable about fashion. Yeah, it's not like I spend less money on clothes because I think I'm better. And then I'm like, yeah, I use your clothes because you buy cuter clothes than I do. I don't know anything about fashion. I think what you do is better. You research really good brands, and then you, like, spend way more money on nicer brands. I've, like, still gotten stuff at, like. Like, a place that does fast fashion. It's like, not because. I don't know. I'm like, at H M. I'm like, I have no idea what I'm doing. What do we. Okay, I figured we can do this one, but we'll bleep it out. Who do we love to hate on? Just pick, like, first person that comes to your mind.

[C]

Is it a celebrity or a person?

[B]

Celebrity, but that we know. Celebrity that we know.

[C]

Celebrity that we know.

[B]

Well, celebrities. Generous, honey. Okay, don't show it, though. Just show it to me. I wonder if it's gonna be the same. We have a couple. I guess this is top of mind for now. Three, two, one. Oh, who'd you put? Oh, no, we don't. I mean, hate. Mine's probably more hate. That one's more like eye roll.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. I guess we don't have to believe because we didn't show it.

[C]

You guys never know.

[B]

I don't know. Why I made us do that. Sorry. To play inside baseball. Would we.

[C]

I want everyone to guess in the comments who they think.

[B]

Yeah. They have not been a guest on our podcast.

[C]

They've never been a guest on our pod either. Neither one of them have ever been a guest on our podcast. One of them never will. One of them might. Might. But it seems like no.

[B]

Would we have been friends in high school? Three, two, one. Yes. Did you put yes or no? No. Here's why I think we would have been friends in high school. Well, okay. I think you're right. I don't think we would have been best friends in high school because liked you. I think we would have. This is what I think we would have been. Did you ever have a friend in your English class or one class where you're like, I only talked to this in this class. We're right or die in this class. Like, I love her. I do not speak to her. We will never hang out outside of school. I don't have. We have none of the same friends. She's in my science class. We sit next to each other. Literally. We are besties in that class. Yeah, I think we would have been that in, like, English in, like a science class.

[C]

No, we would not have been the same English.

[B]

Now, Jordan, I get it. You would have been in AP English, and I wasn't. But I think reason. You were too cool for me in high school. Which is true. We were cool in different ways. I was cool. I don't think I was uncool, but I was not. You know what's true? I was really anti drugs. And I actually lost a lot of friends because of it. And I hate to say it. I'm not even saying real. I'm talking drugs. I do now. I'm talking weed. Yeah, my friends started doing weed. I lost a lot of friends. I said, you guys, this is gateway drug, honey. You're gonna get in trouble. And was it for some of them? It was no, actually, for some of them, I'm like, yeah, it was a quick jump to lsd and now I'll see them when I'm home. And I'm like, o, no, they don't know what's happening. But for a lot of them, no. And there was one friend who I think listens to the podcast, but she was like, really cool. And we were like, besties. And then she was smoking weed, and I was like, oh, my God. Like, I like, can't smoke weed. I'm gonna get in trouble. I literally thought I was gonna go to prison. Like, I understand. I was like, you guys, like, we are going to end up in jail. I cannot do this. I, like, want to.

[C]

I can't still, as an adult, think I'm gonna go to prison all the time.

[B]

100. I don't understand.

[C]

With me in public, I'm like, we are going to be arrested for public indecency. I'm, like, so scared. I think it's because I don't really understand what's legal and what's not legal.

[B]

Well, it's very confusing. And then you find out sometimes things that are illegal that you're like, huh?

[C]

Like skinny dipping. If you go skinny pedophile, you can be arrested and put on.

[B]

Sorry, I think that's wrong. I'm sorry. I don't think. Okay, you know what? I'm going to. I'm not ready. You know what? I don't want to get canceled. You know, I'm not in the mood to get canceled this week.

[C]

I actually think your take is very normal.

[B]

I just think for me, I think about, okay, I don't have kids, so I don't know, but I think about. And maybe this is just because I lived in New York City for so long. I saw so many fucking insane things. I saw things that are truly horrifying on my walk to work. And I think about, if I had a kid and we were on the subway and there were two people having sex on the subway. I don't think of that as, like, pedophilia. And I think I would turn to my kid and I would be like, they're having sex. And that's not appropriate. Let's not stare. And that feels like, fine to me. I don't know. I'm not like that. But then some people might say, no. I saw someone have public sex as a kid, and it traumatized me for life. I have no idea. But also, trauma is very confusing. Different things. There's some people that are traumatized by things that are not traumatizing to other people. There's some people that are like, I mean, I had a spoonful of Nutella when I was in third grade that had a hair in it, and I literally think it gave me ocd.

[C]

I don't think you should be having sex on the subway.

[B]

No.

[C]

Say you should not. No, I know that's your argument, is that people have sex.

[B]

It needs to be a different crime, though. Being on a sex offender. That feels like a lack of. That feels like a bad representation of being a pedophile.

[C]

Isn't like, the Crime.

[B]

Oh, I don't understand. Being on the sex offenders list.

[C]

I thought you're being arrested for being a pedophile.

[B]

No, I know, but you're being. No, no, but you be. You're put on the sex offenders list. You have to then go to every. When people move in, you have go to their door and say, I'm on the sex offenders list. If someone. If I live next door to someone and I had a kid and they came up to my door and they said, I'm on the sex offenders list, I'd be like, okay, well, I feel like I should move now. And if then they later were like, well, no. One time I was like, drunk at a. A movie theater for a move, for like a. A film that has sex in it, and I gave my boyfriend a hand job. And now I'm like. I would be like, okay, well, that's different.

[C]

I wonder if there is differentiation at all.

[B]

And see, once again, this is one of those moments and people get mad at me for this. I didn't research, so I have no idea.

[C]

Well, how could you have known it would come up?

[B]

I should always be prepared to talk about public sex.

[C]

Prepared to talk about public sex.

[B]

What were we talking about? Oh, so we wouldn't have been friends in high school, but I think we would have got. We would have really liked. I think you would have been the type of person I would have been like, I love her.

[C]

Yeah, I think we would have really liked.

[B]

Well, I love her. But the reason I think we could have been friends is I think when you describe the type of boys you were friends with. We were friends with these same type of boys.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

We were friends with stoner skater boys,

[C]

kind of himbo energy.

[B]

Yeah. Who we just thought were so cutie and funny.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I feel like we got along well with those types of people. And your friends from high school that you're still friends with. I get along with really well.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But ultimately you were too cool for me.

[C]

Sorry.

[B]

You were too high out of your damn mind to be friends with me. And I was too busy doing student council and giving back to my community. What's the nerdiest thing that we love? That's fun together. We love a lot of nerdy things separately, but what's something we both really like together? That's a tough one.

[C]

Nerdy. Well, okay. I have a broad thing.

[B]

A broad thing. Okay. I don't know if this is right. Okay. Three, two, one. Improving.

[C]

I thought comedy or improv, too.

[B]

I mean, it feels. I mean, I Wouldn't call it being a nerd, because, honey, I make a pretty dime off of it. But.

[C]

Well, that's the thing. It's like any of it is like,

[B]

you know, reading nerdy improv feels nerdy. And we do have a lot. When we. When I was, like, organizing our bookshelf. You and I have a lot of the same. Before we were together, improv books. It's like, why am I. I'm sorry. Talk about a waste of money. Why, if you're getting into comedy, why are you buying an improv book? What am I. We're gonna read that.

[C]

It's fine to read an improv book,

[B]

but was I reading it or was I putting it on my shelf? You know what I mean?

[C]

I wasn't reading it.

[B]

Oh, now, that's right. I didn't know how to read, and that's not fair to say. No, I did read. I would read them. But it's like, is this helping you actually reading about the. I don't know. Sometimes I don't mean to be. Didn't Will Smith say this where he was like, comedy, you can't study comedy. I don't agree with that, but I have. No. I think there's a degree. I don't either, but I think there was something.

[C]

Can you fact check that?

[B]

Well, I think there was something he said where, like, you shouldn't train in comedy because it. Whatever. And I think it's hard because I'm like, well, you're like, a comedic genius. So. Yeah, I don't know if you needed to train. I think there are some people. I go, you actually don't need to train in comedy. You actually got it. It's natural. I think most people do have to train in comedy. And I also think there's a balance. I think there's. At some point, you gotta let go. Like, I think at my point right now, I go, I'm not thinking about rules. I'm just so masterful at it. Just kidding. But there was a point. I was like, I can't be thinking about, like, technique. I need to just, like, trust that it's in me. And. And, yeah, of course.

[C]

And that's what does.

[B]

Right.

[C]

It's. I mean, same thing with, like, doctors or anything. It's like, I don't want doctor.

[B]

No, doctors shouldn't do that.

[C]

You study so hard, and then at one point, you have to, like, trust your instincts.

[B]

I guess that's true. I don't love the thought of a doctor being like, you know what? I'm just Gonna kind of get creative here.

[C]

But there are points in medical care where doctors can't just be like, well, the book says, blah, blah, blah, whatever.

[B]

I guess you're right.

[C]

You have to make decisions based on your instincts and what you've learned and what you know. Richie, any updates?

[B]

Yeah, he didn't.

[C]

He didn't say it. Who said that? Richie? Did anyone say it? No, he actually said it's important to learn, and he learned from Dave Shippet.

[B]

And I always say that we all should. Look, no, wait a minute. No, wait a minute. Now. There. There's somewhere in there. Did he say that he. Okay, he learned from Dave Chappelle? Maybe he said something about formal training. Because I know Dave Chappelle doesn't own a college. I'll tell you that.

[C]

I just think I'll never forget in college, a girl who is a friend of a friend told me that she thought it was silly that I went to college for acting because she was like, you're either talented or you're not. Like Meg Ryan. That's a direct quote. That's what she said. I was like, wow, what an interesting person to choose. Not that Meg Ryan's not talented, but I'm like, she's the most random person. She's like the most Norma lady. Not, like, transformative actor. But I think that's really stupid because I think anything takes work and practice and craft. Anything.

[B]

Well, and I actually. And this is why I want to be clear, I disagree with. With Will Smith, who said very clearly, never go to school. He said, do not study anything. I think comedy specifically is like. It's almost in the beginning, more like a math. You're like. You're really. You can literally learn to do comedy. That's why I think like, a movie like Bridesmaids, and I won't get into this again, but is a way more impressive movie than, like, half the movies written that win Oscars. Because I think it's like a complete. It's a talent. It's like a thing you. It's a craft.

[C]

It's a talent.

[B]

It's a talent.

[C]

The other movies that normally, the movies that are winning Oscars, those people also have a talent.

[B]

No, I. Well, there are some movies that win Oscars. I'm like, I could have written that.

[C]

Name one.

[B]

I'm not gonna say I'm gonna get in trouble. I'll write it down, and I. I just write the first words. You know what I'm talking about?

[C]

Can I say it out loud?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Women talking. Yeah. We both could have written women talking.

[B]

No. And I'm just. I'm just. I'm literally. Obviously I'm kidding. But there's movies where I'm like, you know, I think some Oscar Beatty movies

[C]

where you go, yeah, of course.

[B]

Yeah. You know what? It's giving. When I would go to and. Okay, now I'm. I. Now I'm afraid a woman talking. Hey, I cried in the theater. I cried in the theater. Women. And we are talking. I'll never forget it. That's a real line in the movie. And everyone in the theater laugh and that. I'm sorry, that is a not. That's a. You lose a star. When everyone in the audience laughs at people trying to escape a horrible situation like that. That should not be something that brings laughter to people. But I think some of these. Oh, some of these Oscar Beatty movies. It reminds me when I would go to acting competitions in high school and there was a self written dramatic monologue category. And I would go because I was a bitch to watch and laugh. And they were. I wouldn't laugh out loud. I would laugh in my head and I would make eye contact with my friend who went with me. And we. It was awesome. But they were. It was like, yeah. What's the most dramatic thing you could say? And it was just 20 monologues about the same three topics and you can

[C]

guess what they are. Yeah.

[B]

What one word perfectly describes our relationship? 3, 2, 1.

[C]

Perfect.

[B]

Sweet.

[C]

Oh, I think both of those are true.

[B]

Sweet. Perfect is.

[C]

I agree with sweet.

[B]

Sweet. That's sweet. I think that's. No, just kidding. No, I do, actually. I think we really, really are a perfect match.

[C]

I agree. That's why I wrote perfect.

[B]

I think, like, I think about that a lot because I feel like we do so much stuff together. Like we work together. And I remember before we started this podcast. I'm sure I've said this, but I was very hesitant. And Jordan's board. I'm sorry, my medication's making me. No, actually I said that because I'm a huge honor and I hate when I yawn and people go, oh, are you bored? But. But Jordan's not as big of a

[C]

honor as I am. I was up all night being sick.

[B]

I was up all night watching High schooler lesbians in Australia. Both the same problem. But what was I saying?

[C]

Why does everyone think I'm mean to you?

[B]

I know, and I remember what you're

[C]

saying, and I'm not going to remind you.

[B]

Tell me, please. Our relationships are perfect. Oh, our relationship is perfect. We what you say?

[C]

Damn it. She remembered.

[B]

I thought you said, tell me. All right. No, I just think, like, I was nervous when you were like, we should start a podcast. And I was like, who? It feels like that is kind of like, either it works or we're done. You know, like, either the podcast goes well or we'll break up from the podcast. Like, that is a scary thing. And I'm always just amazed that it feels like in every facet of our life, we really work well together. We just work well together.

[C]

We're soulmates.

[B]

What song gets us amped up and ready to party? That's a hard one because we have so many. This is really hard because it's, like, amped up in what way?

[C]

We have so many.

[B]

I have one written. I mean, there's no way we're gonna get that. There's just too many. There's way too many. But I'm. I'm. I wrote one. Do you have it?

[C]

Okay. I don't think I'm right. Ready? Three, two, one.

[B]

Superstar. What'd you write? Oh, by Usher.

[C]

That doesn't get me amped up. That gets me romantic. I wrote Workout by JCole. Right.

[B]

Okay. This was so funny. Jordan and I are going to get a milkshake the other night at like 1am workout by J. Cole Place.

[C]

It was like 8:30.

[B]

It felt late. I was past my bed. All I know is I was in my pajamas. And you said, we're getting a milkshake, honey. It's like 8:30 at night. And I got out of bed. I put my slippers on. So it felt like 1am workout by JCOLE comes on. I sing every lyric. Of course. Jordans Joss Slack gagged. You couldn't believe. I've never seen you so surprised. You. Jordan goes, how do you know the lyrics to that song?

[C]

You don't know?

[B]

No. And this makes sense.

[C]

The address to our house, right?

[B]

And I don't know most lyrics. Like, I. My favorite song. I know the. The energy to it. Like, a song that I listen to every day. I just try to sing the lyrics. I'm like, man. Anyway, Like, I have no idea any of the words. Ever so often a song sticks with me. Like, of course I'm gonna know. Like, you know, there's. There's some songs. Like, I know every lyric to Boyfriend by Justin Bieber. Like, some songs just stick with you. Workout comes on by J. Cole. I, for some reason, knew all the words to it. I was like, oh, yeah, My brother and I used to listen to this Like, I feel like he really likes this song. Whatever. Jordan can't believe it. Jordan's like, what did you say? You were like, this is a song that came out before I was even born.

[C]

Okay. I got the timeline off.

[B]

Okay, that up.

[C]

Because that's so embarrassing for me.

[B]

It was so funny. Jordan goes. And I felt so cool because I had no idea when it came out, I was like, really? Jordan's like, yeah, this song is like really old school.

[C]

I thought that song was like. I didn't say old school. How dare you?

[B]

J. Cole was born in the 60s. Jordan was like, how do you know this?

[C]

This song?

[B]

Yeah, good thing I just messed up the lyrics. You know what's funny is I feel like I know the rap part of it.

[C]

Well, the other day, you knew all of it.

[B]

I get like some of the verses mixed up. I don't know. You know what? That song. I know the words, but I don't know which part. The words. I know all the words, but where they come in, I don't know. Anyways, I'm rapping it. Jordan couldn't believe it. I look up and came 2011. No, you didn't. But you thought it was old.

[C]

Like the late 90s. But that's live in the late 90s. But I was so. I was being hyperbolic.

[B]

We also love Uptown, A town girl. Sure.

[C]

Bio. He's out of my rotation right now, cuz he's in trouble.

[B]

We also, you know what song used to hype us up is I'm Getting ripped Tonight. Rip that.

[C]

Hey, yeah, that song.

[B]

We like that one too. If we could be in a throuple with an animated TV character, whom would we choose? Ooh, that's hard. I know mine.

[C]

Is it yours or is it ours?

[B]

Oh, yeah, ours. That's hard because I feel like you're right. But I think in my head I was like, Jordan would want me to be happy, so I thought it would just be mine, you know? Mine? I think so. Okay. No, let's do ours. Let's do ours. That's what it's supposed to be anyways, man.

[C]

You don't even like cartoons or animated things, so it's hard to know what you even know.

[B]

Okay, I don't remember his name.

[C]

Okay, well, now you've given me that. It's a him and you don't know his name, so you have to pick something else. A cartoon. Oh, okay, I've got one. I've got one. I've got one. I think I'm right, but I don't think you're gonna think of it.

[B]

Great, great. Set me up for. And now I'm gonna overthink it.

[C]

So this is an animated character.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Animated.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Expand your mind.

[B]

Expand my mind. Okay. I. Okay. Expand my mind. It's like this has been my internal monologue since I was six years old. Kendall, expand your mind. Your mind. You have no idea how many times I would sit at a desk, taking a test desk, closing my eyes, going, just be smart. Like, I would literally. I just spit all over myself.

[C]

Know the answer.

[B]

I would literally try to. I would be like, you're overthinking it. Close your eyes, Kendall. Just act like everyone else. Like, just think of the answer. Like, it was so embarrassing. The self talk I would have to do. Just think of it every. You know this. I know. I did not know it.

[C]

I'm sorry.

[B]

Okay. Expand my mind.

[C]

So it can be movies.

[B]

Yep. I. Yeah, tv. Okay, I got mine. Ready?

[C]

Three, two, one.

[B]

Buzz Lightyear.

[C]

I wrote Mulan.

[B]

Oh, no, I'd rather Buzz Lightyear.

[C]

What? He's hot than Mulan.

[B]

I don't know Mulan. She seems like she's got a lot going on.

[C]

And strong. Yeah, she's busy. She's busy. She's strong.

[B]

Looking for a housewife here.

[C]

And you think Buzz Lightyear is gonna be your housewife?

[B]

Yeah, and he's bilingual.

[C]

So is Mulan.

[B]

Okay, well, she's busy.

[C]

She speaks English.

[B]

I have time to teach our kid Mandarin, so whatever.

[C]

I think you're wrong.

[B]

No, what I was gonna say is lightning McQueen was my original.

[C]

That's hers, not mine. Isn't it crazy to think what Buzz Lightyear looks like without skin? Nope.

[B]

Oh, no. I mean, like a hard shell. Wait, what?

[C]

Without his spacesuit on.

[B]

That's what I meant. That's his skin. And the answer is he's a toy. So there's nothing underneath. He's made of plastic.

[C]

But.

[B]

But underneath.

[C]

Think about, like, the anthropomorphized version of him.

[B]

Right. Well, I think, weirdly, I think of him as purple because he's wearing that purple, like, skin suit underneath.

[C]

If you think of him as purple.

[B]

Cause you know what I'm talking about. Like, he has that purple skin suit, but I'm like, that's not his skin. But I think of that as his skin for some reason.

[C]

So you think he's purple? You think under a suit, he's purple and smooth?

[B]

I think he's purple, and I think he has, like, a labuba. But. Or no, no. Troll butt. Not la.

[C]

Boo. Boo. So like a normal butt.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What's different about a troll butt?

[B]

It's on a toy. Yeah. I guess I was thinking.

[C]

You're right. It's made of plastic skin.

[B]

Okay. If you could pick a throuple in like non animated TV shows, who do you think we would be good with?

[C]

My God. Not animated TV shows.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So a TV show that's live action.

[B]

Yes. Or a movie or.

[C]

Okay. That's like so huge.

[B]

I don't know. Just as someone would be a good

[C]

thruffle with character in the history of the world.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, my God. I guess. Like, shouldn't it be like someone that has like a superpower or something?

[B]

Why? No, I don't think that'd be good for our egos.

[C]

Why? Oh, cause you think it would be too emasculating for us?

[B]

Yeah, I think we'd be like, well, we have a superpower too. We're really funny.

[C]

I just think it needs to really contribute something.

[B]

So I'm like, yeah, I think I would date. I think I would date. I would want. I would want Rose Leslie from vigil to play our third. To be our third.

[C]

That is such a waste of time. Why? She's a cop who's a normal lady. Who cares. You could have that if you wanted that.

[B]

Well, not something to think about. I want to date a normal lady cop. Just kidding.

[C]

Pregnant lady cop.

[B]

Now. Jordan, don't, don't. Just don't water her down to just her pregnancy.

[C]

I want us to pick, like, a doctor.

[B]

Well, I was thinking people from, like, Grey's Anatomy.

[C]

You're really thinking so much smaller than I ever would. I'm like, really like Black Widow. She's a superhero.

[B]

I'm looking for a realistic third, Jordan. I'm looking for someone who's gonna clean the filter in our pool. I'm not looking for someone who's gonna be going and saving the world.

[C]

But even then, Rose Leslie. Oh, that's so.

[B]

Boy, you're such a hater because you know that she's my celebrity crush.

[C]

But there's a difference between, like, her be. You didn't say what actor. I could get on board with that,

[B]

but that I wouldn't date the actor. Rose Leslie. Why? She's a straight woman and she has like 80 kids. I'm not that character.

[C]

I'm like. It's so boring.

[B]

Oh, wow. I don't think. I think any. You know what? When someone's Irish, I would get real Irish. Irish blindness, as they say. I think if Irish. No, the character she's not Scottish. She's Scottish. She's Scottish.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Sorry. She's Scottish. Don't look at me like that.

[C]

You want to date a Scottish cop?

[B]

I think if I. Okay, I forgot she was a cop. She's a detective.

[C]

I forget hot lady. So I'm like, I understand you wanting to date as a person, but that character.

[B]

Gentlemen. Jack. I just love the cast of vigil. Let's move on. Jordan hates my talk about vigil.

[C]

No, I.

[B]

This is.

[C]

This is what's messed up about this.

[B]

This.

[C]

I also love vigil. I love it.

[B]

It's not the same way. Season multiple times. You like vigil the way I like heated rivalry.

[C]

Wrong. You said it opposite.

[B]

No, I didn't. You like vigil the way I like heated rivalry where you really. I really like it. You like it on a way different level.

[C]

Yes, I get that. I. I like that you like it. I love that you like it. Sometimes you're just not realistic about it. For example, how you're always like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, Saran Jones. Richie, do you know who Saran Jones is?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And, like, whenever.

[B]

You know what? This is so rude. The other night, we had a dinner party. Jordan had everyone go around, raise your hand if you know Saran Jones. There's like 30 people in our house. No one raised their hand.

[C]

But why?

[B]

No, because you're right. I thought Saran Jones. I'm sorry. She's a BBC actress who's very awesome and plays a lot of lesbians.

[C]

Know any of the other BBC actresses?

[B]

No. That's why I thought Saran Jones was so famous. I thought Saran Jones was, like, British Meryl Streep. Like, I literally thought everybody knew her. And then I'm really. So I would be like, well, you know, Saran. And Jordan was like, stop saying that. Nobody knows who that fucking is.

[C]

But I only say that because Kendall app things would bring it up, and then people would look so confused, and Kendall wouldn't explain it. I'd be like, oh, you have to explain who Saran Jones is. They don't know who that is. And she's like, yes, they do.

[B]

I thought she was famous because she. Well, she's famous, but I thought she. She was on that. That podcast you listened to with the chefs, with the two.

[C]

I don't know what those people are. I don't know who they are or what their name is, but I love watching their clips. It's a man and a woman, and they're British, and they're always like. Like, favorite Style of potato, favorite pasta dish.

[B]

So when I saw they were. When Saran was on that show, I said, oh, she must be big. She's on Jordan's favorite podcast.

[C]

She's a famous actor.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

But like, to me, it feels like if we went to England and we were like, well, everyone knows AN Dowd. I think they might be like, who? You don't even know who AN Dow is. We live in America. You don't know any actors, but for some reason, you have clung to Saran Jones being like. Like, she's so famous.

[B]

She's fucking amazing.

[C]

Everyone knows who she is.

[B]

Okay, well, this is your homework for the podcast I'm giving. I'm starting. We should do that every week. You have to do homework, give a little homework. You have to look up Saran Jones and watch some clips of her. I love her in Vigil. She's great. She plays my favorite type of woman in a movie or a TV show where they are so cold and distant and they hate everyone and they have no feelings except for one person.

[C]

This is why you like my mom so much.

[B]

Yeah, I love that. I'm like, I want. And I mean, I feel like that with you. I feel like I get a side of you no one else gets.

[C]

Well, certainly.

[B]

But I like a really locked up woman. A locked up locked woman? No, no, no. I don't think you are. I'm saying in shows like Saran Jones always plays a very locked up woman that has a lot going on emotionally and she doesn't show much emotion, but she feels more. This is. This is what it is. She feels more than everyone else. That is insane, though, actually, that makes sense. No, it is.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You are hard and people don't see. But there's. And I will say this, I say this all the time. I've never met someone as empathetic and emotional as Jordan. I have. I. And no one would. I feel like. Believe me when I say that you are so empathetic in a way that is detrimental to you. I will see Jordan. I mean, I panic when I see, like, a person. I mean, we've talked about this. But if you see someone miss the bus, Jordan's a wreck for weeks.

[C]

I gotta pull the car over.

[B]

I mean, to cry. I mean, Jordan cannot. And I think, like, you feel what other people feel so much. I always eye roll when people are like, I'm an empath. You've never said you're an empath. I really actually think you might be. You. You just feel everything everyone feels and you're very empathetic and you're very soft hearted, but you're very cold and you don't let a lot of people see. You're actually not cold to people. I take that back. But you, I think you present as more like. Like sturdy. Sturdy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And you are sturdy. But you feel a lot in a way that I. I'm very attracted to.

[C]

That's fair. I. I am very emotional and private and I think very, very few people see a very soft, emotional side of me, which is very alive and well.

[B]

Yeah. What are we better at? Thank.

[C]

This feels obvious to me.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Found out which one of us isn't cocky. I don't think of myself as better at anything than anyone.

[C]

That's the least true thing I've ever heard. You're the most conceited person I've ever met.

[B]

So not true. That is not true. I just know what I'm good at. What are we better that than ever? What are we about? Okay, it's very obvious when you say that it stresses me out. I don't know what you're talking about.

[C]

Sorry.

[B]

Then that makes me overthink it. Then I'm like, well, maybe I have an answer. But then it's like, okay. No, I don't. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[C]

Dead air, baby. Come on.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Just write anything.

[B]

3, 2, 1. My answer is so wrong because you're stressing me out. Three, two, one. I put hosting. I don't know what. What did you write? Candy. Oh, I thought you wrote candy. I said okay.

[C]

We're great chocolatiers. I know.

[B]

We're good hosts.

[C]

Comedy.

[B]

Well, I like better than anyone. Couple wise. We've got Will Smith.

[C]

We've got no couple wise.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

I think we're better at comedy than Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. I do think that. Yes.

[B]

No, you're right. I guess as a duo, as a couple, we're good at comedy. You know what I think too? We're very equally matched in a way that I don't think a lot of couples are. Well, okay. I mean, a lot of couples we're friends with, I feel like are equally matched. But you see a lot of people where, especially in the industry, there's like one person that's kind of the star of the show.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And one that's kind of the, The. The Rosie to the Sophia Grace. And I don't think. I think we're two Sophia Graces.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Huge.

[C]

Sorry, Rosie.

[B]

But we both, we shine in our own ways and I think We. We build each other up in a way that no one steals the spotlight.

[C]

I love that. Okay, we got time for one more.

[B]

If we. Oh God. Okay, okay. Okay. What was I about? Okay, got it. If we were on who Wants to be a Millionaire as a dude duo, who would be our phone? A friend. It's. So this is the easiest one we've answered, right? Oh, who would be our phone? A friend for who wants to be a Millionaire?

[C]

I'm between two.

[B]

You. It is the E. There's three. Three, two, one. Colin, what did you as your second?

[C]

My dad also my dad. My dad know. Colin is. Colin is a savant when it comes to so many things. But my dad is very similarly knowledgeable on a lot of stuff. Well now older, so he kind of knows.

[B]

Maybe depend the question. Yeah, I think maybe stuff that's a little older. Architecture, history, some things. History, Pop culture.

[C]

No, I. Oh, well, unless it's gay pop culture specifically. And honestly my dad might still know that.

[B]

No, I would go to your dad more for gay pop culture. Colin knows more facts than I know exist. And Colin knows things that.

[C]

Geography.

[B]

I mean, you can look at any shape, he can tell you what. But yes, country it is.

[C]

I mean he's the capital of every country and state and province in the world. He speaks a bunch of different languages. He knows all kinds of stuff. He.

[B]

And he knows facts and he just knows like even he'll play games. Like one time I remember we were walking up a. We were walk. We were hiking in Channel Islands and him and I were doing like. He was making up trivia questions for me about a movie and I told him, I was like, I know you're not answering the questions and. But how are you coming up with these questions? Yeah, like coming up with trivia like that. You have to be so knowledgeable of a thing. Yeah. And this is a random movie I picked. I like, he's just knowledgeable about. He's. He would be who I would pick also. I think he would very quickly go, oh, I understand what's happening. I. I worry your dad might be like, wait, what's going on?

[C]

Sure.

[B]

What is happening? What? You know what I mean? Like any parent, the dogs are barking, right? The dog. Wait a minute. Then he like acts like, puts the phone down, it's still calling us. And we're like, wait, no, we're on who Wants to be Millionaire? And now the person we've called is just walking around the house talking to your mom. There'd be a lot. It could be problems but you know what?

[C]

He immediately presses ignore call. And then he sends you a default message that's like, I'll call you back in just a sec. And then he calls you back.

[B]

So do you think they have though? I'm sure on who Wants to Be a Millionaire? They prep of the person right where they're like.

[C]

Otherwise it would just be like, what if you call them? They don't answer.

[B]

Yeah. Who would you call? Like. Like your one call from jail?

[C]

Colin.

[B]

Yeah, I would call Colin.

[C]

Or my dad. Same answer.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I would call you, but it's only because you have your phone on.

[C]

My dad.

[B]

Well, yeah, I might call your dad, actually. Well, the only reason I would call you is cuz I know you'd call your dad and I know you would answer the phone. Yeah, your dad most likely would answer the phone. But there's a world where he, like, you would never not answer your phone when I call. Unless you were in a movie. If you were at amc, I would call your dad.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Or because I'm like, who's. Or I would call Colin. Anyways. Okay, we gotta stop. We have to stop this. We're done. Thank you so much for watching.

[C]

Thank you so much for watching. It's another incredible episode.

[B]

This is a good one, huh?

[C]

I think. I think they're all really good.

[B]

Personally.

[C]

I think they're all really good.

[B]

We should rank them sometime.

[C]

Rank all 111of the episodes we've had so far.

[B]

God, is that how many?

[C]

Yeah, this episode, I believe is 111. Or maybe 110.

[B]

I love you.

[C]

We'll see. I love you so much.

[B]

Thank you so much for being here. Make sure if you're listening anywhere, you get your podcast to rate and review us. It really helps us out. Follow us on social medias, Instagram, YouTube, YouTube, subscribe, like, you know, do all this stuff. Just spend an hour today just kind of going through our stuff. He's a fan, helping us out.

[C]

Drop a comment below, start a fight in the comments.

[B]

Oh, that's good. Yeah, just say something really controversial in the comments. Yeah, say like Will Smith doesn't know anything about comedy or anything like that.

[C]

That one of the most controversial statements you can say. And then he'll get in the comments, he'll argue with you.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And it'll make us a ton of money.

[B]

Thank you so much for being here. We love you and have a wonderful week. Bye. Bye.

[A]

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[B]

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