Podcast Summary

Happy Wife Happy Life, Episode 92: “My Spouse Is NOT My Best Friend” (w/ Lily Du)

Hosts: Kendahl Landreth & Jordan Myrick
Guest: Lily Du
Date: December 8, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the oft-repeated and much-debated phrase: “My partner is my best friend.” Comedians Kendahl Landreth and Jordan Myrick are joined by their longtime friend, writer/comedian/actor Lily Du, to unravel whether your romantic partner really should be your best friend, and why it might not be the healthiest approach. Candid, confrontational, and hilarious, the conversation examines friendship, boundaries, emotional labor, the differences in how people share with their partners vs. friends, and how conflict plays out in intimate and platonic relationships.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Lily Du Dynamic: Friendship Circles & Shared Relationships

• Lily is Jordan and Kendahl’s best friend, and the hosts openly describe their cross-couple friendships and collective best friend dynamics.
  • Jordan (01:29): “Lily is…our best friend. And it’s normal for people—couples—to collectively have a best friend, I think!”
  • Lily (04:29): “Jordan is my best friend. I’ve known her for like, a decade… And Kendahl is my best friend’s wife that is also my family.”
• The trio explores the blurred lines between couple friends, personal best friends, and chosen family.

2. The Heart of the Discussion: "My Spouse Is Not My Best Friend"

• Lily’s provocative viewpoint:
  • Lily (06:41): “I wanted to talk about the fact that my husband is not my best friend. Something I’m proud of.”
  • Lily finds it unhealthy for a romantic partner to fulfill the best friend role:
  • Lily (07:08): “I think it’s actually unhealthy for your romantic partner to be your best friend.”
• Kendahl and Jordan both reflect on their own habits—Jordan has several “best friends” and considers deep, diverse friendships essential to emotional well-being.

3. Different Styles: Sharing, Venting & Friendship 'Roles'

• Discussion on how each host and guest use friendships differently for venting, advice, and support:
  • Lily (09:54): “Try to give my honest take on a situation, even if it’s not the most supportive in the moment. I play devil’s advocate a lot and give advice when sometimes people just want to vent.”
  • Kendahl (11:40): “Sometimes I’ll look over to Jordan’s phone and they’re texting you or Rekha and it’s like nine paragraphs long. I don’t think Jordan’s ever sent me a nine paragraph text in my life.”
  • Jordan (12:00): “I’m on the phone with Lily 22 hours a day.”
• Kendahl notes she’s less of a verbal processor, preferring solo reflection.

4. Emotional Labor & The Limits of the Partner-as-Best-Friend Model

• Emotional load: Lily and the hosts highlight how expecting a partner to be your everything can be unfair:
  • Lily (10:54): “For every single little vent and everything, it shouldn’t also be on [your partner]. It’s such an emotional load to put on them.”
• Having other people to talk to about the relationship is healthy and gives perspective.

5. Navigating Conflict and Honesty in Friendships vs. Partnerships

• Lily champions direct confrontation and bringing “conflict” into both friendships and romantic relationships:
  • Lily (25:48): “I think I’m the opposite of conflict avoidant. I’m conflict loving.”
  • Lily (26:36): “With my friend Chris, we’d get into disagreements, and she says it’s deepened our friendship…Some friends never reach true intimacy because they never deal with conflicts.”
  • The group agrees couples arguing is normal; friendships could benefit from more honesty and even “productive” bickering.
• Jordan references a meme contrasting people’s tolerance for partner conflict vs. friend conflict, echoing that friendships deserve the same care and willingness to disagree as romantic relationships (27:05).

6. Poll Results from the Audience: Is Your Partner Your Best Friend?

• Jordan (29:35): “85% of our followers…said their partner is their best friend. 173 people said no.”
  • All three are surprised by how high that “yes” is.
  • They discuss how relationship length and context might color those answers.
• Kendahl recalls Jordan only called her a “best friend” after years of relationship and engagement (30:07).

7. Family, Loyalty, & Chosen Bonds

• The hosts get into the difference between friends who become family and the expectations that come with that:
  • Lily (33:31): “To love someone truly is to love them fully: good and bad, warts and all.”
  • Kendahl (34:03): “We still feel like Lily’s our family. We would not be like, she’s got to go. That’s family.”

8. Q&A Segment: Listener Relationship & Friendship Dilemmas

A. Imbalance in Integrating Partners into Friend Groups ([34:31])

• If your partner never invites you to hang with their friends but you do with yours, that’s “not good.”
  • Lily (34:42): “Don’t invite your romantic partner to all your hangs…Your partner should be friends with your friends, but you should also hang out with your friends sometimes without your partner.”
  • The group agrees that balance and boundaries matter in keeping a healthy dynamic.

B. When Romance Feels Like Friendship ([36:38])

• If things feel “just like friendship,” context matters (duration, intensity, stage of relationship).
  • Jordan (36:58): “As you get older, the commitments you’re making together feel more like a partnership rather than friendship or romance.”
  • Discussion of Esther Perel’s “Mating in Captivity” and injecting novelty/‘danger’ into long-term relationships.

C. Partner Becoming Friends with an Ex They Once Hated ([39:53])

• The trio expresses concern but stresses the need for context and open conversations.
  • Kendahl (41:21): “If [someone’s] still emotionally affecting you after a breakup, you’re not fully broken off.”
  • Ultimately, it comes down to trust and realistic conversations.

D. When One Partner's Friend Feels Threatened by You ([43:19])

• Lily: “Girl, bye!”
  • The group agrees: if feeling “threatened,” check if you’re being reasonable and have an honest chat. If it’s persistent jealousy, that’s a bigger issue.

E. Disliking Your Partner’s Friends ([55:13])

• Lily (55:19): “I tell them.”
  • They stress it’s reasonable to dislike an SO’s friend for substantive or disrespectful behavior, but “annoying” friends might not be worth the drama unless it’s impacting you directly.
  • Kendahl (58:03): “There are people that…are kind of irritating to me, but I don’t think they’re people I’m actually friends with.”
  • If a friend's crossed real lines, then taking sides is appropriate.

F. Should Couples be Friends Before Dating? ([50:22])

• Consensus: Not necessary. Friends-to-lovers is optional, not required.

G. Handling Friends Who Stay Friends with Your Ex ([62:38])

• Nuanced! Depends on the breakup, the “wrong,” and the level of past intimacy—sometimes picking sides is the right call.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On not making your partner your “everything”:
  • Lily (07:08): “I think it’s actually unhealthy for your romantic partner to be your best friend.”
• On confrontation:
  • Lily (26:04): “I’m a conflict cruiser.”
  • Jordan (26:07): “I think it’s nice…because I’m never like, oh, is she harboring feelings that I don’t know about?”
• On chosen family:
  • Jordan (30:59): “Most of the people I grew up with…that we prioritized were people I was not biologically related to. So I think that I still very much have that in my life. You are my family.”
• On loving warts and all:
  • Lily (33:31): “To love someone truly is to love them fully: good and bad, warts and all.”
• On ‘who gets the friends’ after a breakup:
  • Lily (63:02): “Especially if one person is wrong, we pick sides.”
  • Kendahl (63:56): “We could never break up…because there’s a good chance Lily’s gonna agree with me.”

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:26 – Introduction to Lily & their friendship dynamics
• 06:41 – Lily’s claim: “My spouse is not my best friend”
• 09:54 – How Lily, Jordan, and Kendahl “vent” and process with friends/partners
• 11:40 – Texting styles and emotional communication differences
• 25:48 – On conflict-seeking vs. conflict-avoidance in relationships & friendships
• 29:35 – Audience survey: Do you consider your partner your best friend?
• 34:31 – Listener Q&A: Partner not inviting you to meet their friends
• 36:38 – Listener Q&A: Friendship vs. romance in long-term relationships
• 39:53 – Listener Q&A: SO is now friends with a hated ex
• 43:19 – Listener Q&A: A friend’s partner feels threatened by your friendship
• 55:13 – Listener Q&A: What if you don’t like your partner’s friend?
• 62:38 – Listener Q&A: Friends staying friends with your ex
• 63:56 – Discussion: Post-breakup friend “allegiances” and family-style loyalty

Tone & Style

• Conversational, playful, and deeply candid. The episode is marked by quick comedic asides, affectionate teasing, and honest confessions about friendship and love. The guests’ personalities shine through—especially Lily’s “pot-stirring” and openness to conflict as healthy.
• Advice is practical, nuanced, and often subverts conventional wisdom about relationships.

Takeaways

• Treat your friendships as real, deep, and worthy of maintenance and repair, not as “lesser” than romantic partnerships.
• Emotional labor is real: expecting your romantic partner to be your best friend, sole emotional outlet, and life partner might not set the best foundation.
• Conflict, when handled directly and kindly, can actually deepen intimacy—whether with friends or partners.
• Maintain friendships (and boundaries!) outside your relationship, and don’t be afraid to “pick sides” when big values are on the line.

Listen if…

You’ve ever wondered if your partner should be your best friend, if you crave more depth/honesty in your friendships, or if you want advice on balancing social and romantic lives—all with gallons of laughter and sharp comedic banter.

[For more, check out Lily Du’s show “Dirty Laundry” on Dropout, and follow the hosts on social media. Full episode and resources can be found on the Happy Wife Happy Life feed.]