2000 Plus 50-06-21 (15) The Brooklyn Brain

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio - "2000 Plus 50-06-21 (15) The Brooklyn Brain"

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Introduction

In this captivating episode of Harold's Old Time Radio, titled "2000 Plus 50-06-21 (15) The Brooklyn Brain," listeners are transported to a nostalgic era reminiscent of the Golden Age of Radio. The story unfolds in Brooklyn, where Joe Martin, a lovable yet unrefined character, strives to transform himself into a cultured gentleman to win the heart of Clarice. This summary delves into the key plot points, character dynamics, and pivotal moments that drive the narrative forward.

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The Quest for Culture

Joe Martin's Ambition

The episode centers around Joe Martin's earnest desire to become more cultured. Initially, Joe is portrayed as a hardworking individual deeply in love with Clarice, who values cultural sophistication. Clarice emphasizes the importance of mental affinity and cultural understanding in relationships:

• Clarice: "Culture is what counts in life or marriage. The partners have to have a mental affinity for each other." [02:35]

Joe, feeling inadequate in this regard, contemplates drastic measures to acquire the necessary cultural knowledge quickly.

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The Brainwave Machine Experiment

Introduction of the Professor and Carl

Enter Professor and his assistant, Carl, who have developed an innovative brainwave machine designed to impart knowledge directly into a person's brain. This machine transforms audio recordings into electrical waves, effectively "charging" the user's mind with the desired information.

• Professor: "Imagine, 11 years' work here is a machine that takes a tape recording of a human voice reading facts, figures, anything, and transforms it from sound waves into electrical waves." [05:45]

Joe Volunteers

Determined to gain culture swiftly, Joe responds to an advertisement seeking volunteers for a scientific experiment. Flora, a supportive colleague, assists him in drafting the application:

• Flora: "If you would like to learn any subject in the world without effort and are willing to volunteer for a scientific experiment...". [09:18]

Joe's decision is driven by his love for Clarice and his wish to impress her with newfound sophistication.

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The Experiment and Its Immediate Aftermath

Initial Session

Joe undergoes the brainwave procedure, where the Professor and Carl attempt to imbue him with knowledge about art. The process involves attaching electrodes to Joe's head and playing accelerated recordings of art theory.

• Professor: "All right, Carl. One, two, three. Now, now, now. It's just warming up, Mr. Martin. Don't be so nervous." [15:14]

First Attempt and Complications

Despite their efforts, the first attempt yields limited success. Joe experiences confusion and a headache, questioning the effectiveness of the experiment.

• Joe Martin: "I got culture." [17:01]
• Joe Martin: "I just remember I got another appointment." [26:20]

Carl and the Professor discuss the shortcomings, realizing that the knowledge transfer was only temporary, lasting about 24 to 36 hours.

• Carl: "Apparently, it makes only a brief impression on the brain. About 24 to 36 hours." [25:37]
• Professor: "I'm sorry, Mr. Martin, but obviously the experiment wasn't as successful as we had hoped it would be." [25:53]

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Post-Experiment Challenges

Joe's Struggle to Retain Knowledge

Despite the initial setback, Joe is eager to continue the experiment to solidify his cultural knowledge. He reaches out to Flora, pleading for a second chance.

• Joe Martin: "Flora, ask me some questions. Maybe it'll come back to me." [23:45]
• Flora: "You need another shot in the head." [24:07]

Realizing the urgency, Joe presses for another session, but the Professor informs him that the machine is being relocated and won't be available for another month.

• Professor: "I'm afraid that's impossible. You see, we dismantled the machine. We're moving it to a laboratory upstate." [26:28]

Impact on Joe's Relationship with Clarice

As time passes, Joe's efforts begin to pay off once the temporary knowledge dissipates, ironically bringing him closer to Clarice through his genuine attempts to change.

• Joe Martin: "Science is wonderful. Imagine those professors doing what they did to me." [22:55]
• Clarice: "I accept your proposal. You got culture. We'll have a mental affinity." [27:58]

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Joe's Social Interactions and Transformation

The Art Institute Party

With newfound but fleeting knowledge, Joe attends a party at the Art Institute, where his interactions demonstrate his sudden cultural sophistication. He engages in discussions about impressionistic painting, impressing guests like Sam Witzenberg.

• Sam Witzenberg: "How do you like the new circular school of Impressionistic painting?" [20:02]
• Joe Martin: "I think you even know the Einstein theory." [28:38]

However, due to the temporary nature of the brainwave implant, Joe struggles to maintain his composure and knowledge, leading to moments of confusion and forgetfulness.

• Joe Martin: "I. I don't remember what it was." [23:17]

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Climactic Resolution

Clarice's Acceptance

Despite the experimental failure, Joe's persistent efforts and genuine heart win Clarice over. She acknowledges the progress he's made, attributing it to his consistent attempts to better himself.

• Clarice: "I accept your proposal. You got culture. We'll have a mental affinity." [27:58]

Joe's Proposal for a Future Together

Joe proposes an immediate marriage, suggesting a honeymoon to solidify their bond and his commitment to continuous self-improvement.

• Joe Martin: "Let's get married right away. Today. Let's not even go to the Art Institute." [28:05]

Clarice, moved by Joe's sincerity, agrees to marry him, signifying a heartfelt conclusion to their journey toward mutual understanding and love.

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Conclusion

"2000 Plus (15) The Brooklyn Brain" masterfully weaves a tale of love, ambition, and the quest for self-improvement. Through Joe Martin's endeavors to gain cultural sophistication, the episode explores themes of personal growth, the ethical implications of scientific experimentation, and the enduring power of genuine relationships. The narrative, enriched with engaging dialogues and character development, offers listeners a poignant reflection on what it truly means to connect with someone on a deeper intellectual and emotional level.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Clarice on Culture: "Culture is what counts in life or marriage. The partners have to have a mental affinity for each other." [02:35]
• Professor Explaining the Machine: "Imagine, 11 years' work here is a machine that takes a tape recording of a human voice reading facts, figures, anything, and transforms it from sound waves into electrical waves." [05:45]
• Joe's Determination: "Flora, ask me some questions. Maybe it'll come back to me." [23:45]
• Final Acceptance: "I accept your proposal. You got culture. We'll have a mental affinity." [27:58]

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This episode of Harold's Old Time Radio not only entertains but also invites listeners to ponder the lengths one might go to in pursuit of love and self-betterment. Through its rich storytelling and immersive dialogues, it captures the essence of classic radio dramas while addressing timeless human emotions and ethical dilemmas.

Transcript

[Nicole Fire]

We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Nicole Fire helping you make those rooms. Flyer today's style tip when it comes to making a statement. Treat bold patterns like neutrals. Go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table. From wayfair.com. ooh, fierce. This has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.

[Flora]

Wayfair Every style, Every home.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Joe. All I gotta say about Joe is he really is a smart guy. It takes a smart guy to be that stupid.

[Narrator]

2000 plus science fiction adventures from the World of Tomorrow The Years Beyond 2000 AD 2000 plus presents the Brooklyn Brain.

[Clarice]

Joe, I want to thank you for a very nice evening.

[Joe Martin]

The pleasure was all mine, Clarice.

[Clarice]

I'd have you come up on me. It's after 12, and Pa's asleep.

[Joe Martin]

That's all right.

[Clarice]

Well, good night, Joe.

[Joe Martin]

Uh, Clarice.

[Clarice]

Yeah, Joe?

[Joe Martin]

Yeah. Had a good time, huh? I mean, really.

[Clarice]

Good night, Joe.

[Joe Martin]

Oh, wait a minute, Clarice. I got something to ask you.

[Clarice]

No.

[Joe Martin]

No. What?

[Clarice]

No kiss? I gave you one in the helicopter bus. I am not distributing favors with largess.

[Joe Martin]

Boy, you certainly know big whites.

[Clarice]

That's because I try to give myself culture every day in the facsimile newspapers. I do the crossway puzzle.

[Joe Martin]

Well, sure, Clarice. I think that's fine. Only I got something to ask you.

[Clarice]

I told.

[Joe Martin]

That isn't what I mean.

[Clarice]

Something else, Clarice.

[Joe Martin]

Will you marry me? I mean, that is. Will you?

[Clarice]

This is so sudden.

[Joe Martin]

She have known you three years. That ain't so sudden.

[Clarice]

Well, a girl likes to get proposals. But matrimony, that's a very important thing. It should not be entered into lightly.

[Professor]

I got a good job, a good future.

[Clarice]

It isn't that, Joe.

[Joe Martin]

What isn't that?

[Clarice]

I mean, like they say in psychology.

[Joe Martin]

I don't know what you're talking about, Clarice.

[Clarice]

That's what I mean, Joe. You don't understand things like psychology. I always read the Handy Hints for Mental Health column. It's written by a psychologist. From such pursuits, I have learned that culture is what counts in life or marriage. The partners have to have a mental affinity for each other.

[Joe Martin]

Mental?

[Clarice]

Take Sam Witzenberg. He knows about music. Or Fred Daniels. He knows about art. Or take Harry Lester. He knows economics.

[Joe Martin]

He knows economics. I had a loan of $5.

[Clarice]

What has money got to do with it, huh? Jol us not quarrel.

[Joe Martin]

Yeah, but I was.

[Clarice]

You have Paid me a very high honor by asking me to be your wife, but I can't say yes. Oh, you mean, on the other hand. I didn't say no. I. I can't pretend I don't like you, Jo. You're basically a nice boy. Only if. Oh, if you'd only get some culture, learn about things, so we could have something to discuss, to talk about art, music, economics or similar high class subjects. Jo, see what you can do.

[Joe Martin]

Okay, Clarice, I'll try.

[Clarice]

And then I'll let you know. Sure. And Joe?

[Joe Martin]

Yeah?

[Clarice]

In light of the circumstances, I. I rescind my previous refusal.

[Joe Martin]

What does that mean?

[Clarice]

It means you can have a good night kiss.

[Professor]

Are you. Are you ready, Carl?

[Carl]

Yes, Professor.

[Professor]

Now, remember, after I throw the switch, it will take several seconds for the accumulator to build up. When the red light on the control panel flashes, you throw your contact lever.

[Carl]

I understand.

[Professor]

Oh, all right, all right. One, two, three.

[Joe Martin]

It's working, professor, it's working. Oh, good.

[Professor]

Excellent.

[Joe Martin]

Try it again.

[Professor]

Wonderful, wonderful. All right, Carl, turn it off. Now, I've checked every dial, every meter as the machine was running, and they all coordinated precisely.

[Carl]

Then it will work on a human being.

[Professor]

Are you sure enough to let me try it on you?

[Carl]

Well, it isn't that, Professor. It's just that you kind of need me to help you run the machine.

[Professor]

Oh, yes, yes, I understand, Carl. And since I am the inventor, it would also be foolish for me to volunteer to be the first human guinea pig. Well, obviously we need someone else to try it on.

[Carl]

That's right, Professor.

[Professor]

Imagine, 11 years work here is a machine that takes a tape recording of a human voice reading facts, figures, anything, and transforms it from sound waves into electrical waves. Then through electrodes attached to a human head, charging that brain with the waves so that automatically the person getting the electrical shock has information charged into his memory.

[Carl]

It will be a boon to education. People won't have to go to school anymore. Your brainwave machine will just charge their brains with anything they want to know.

[Professor]

Thank you. Well, there's a lot of experimenting we have yet to do, but so far as we can know up to this moment, the machine should work. I hope.

[Carl]

Now, whom are you going to try it on?

[Professor]

Oh, yes, whom? Well, we'll run an ad. We'll try and find someone not too bright, but someone we can try to transform into. Into a mental giant. Hello?

[Joe Martin]

Yes, this is Joe. We sent him six dozen boxes like he ordered. Ten day billing. Yes, Charlotte, tend to it. Right away. Flora, take the letter. The Boss ain't got a check from St. Louis and he's mad.

[Flora]

It doesn't pay to be mad. It's not good for customer relations. To whom is the letter going?

[Joe Martin]

Dear sir.

[Flora]

Dear sir. Oh, aren't you feeling well?

[Joe Martin]

Gosh, I don't know, Flora. I guess my mind ain't on my work.

[Flora]

Where is it?

[Joe Martin]

I'm going to Clarice Thursday night for dinner.

[Flora]

She's your girl and she make you happy. Be happy.

[Joe Martin]

But she's having Sam Witzenberg for dinner too, and he's got culture.

[Flora]

You got a job, Flora.

[Joe Martin]

You're a smart girl. You know how to find things in the files. Tell me, how do I learn about things? How do I get culture? Study? How much time have I got? Thursday is three days from now. What can I learn in that time?

[Flora]

Not culture.

[Joe Martin]

That's what I mean. I'm licked before I start.

[Flora]

I have a teacher.

[Joe Martin]

That's expensive.

[Flora]

So stay a bachelor.

[Joe Martin]

But I don't wanna.

[Flora]

Oh, look, look. Here's the newspaper. I'll turn to the educational section. I will. See, here it is. Here it is.

[Clarice]

French.

[Flora]

Well, I'm French.

[Joe Martin]

What would I do with French?

[Flora]

What do you do with culture after you get married? Look, I. I'm only trying to be helpful.

[Joe Martin]

Go on, Flora. What else is there?

[Flora]

How to hypnotize in nine easy lessons.

[Joe Martin]

Hey, that's interesting.

[Flora]

If you learn how to hypnotize, I don't work for you anymore. Oh, let's see. What's this? Be a mechanic. Learning the soul of a machine. Soul of a machine.

[Clarice]

Crazy.

[Flora]

Oh, here's another ad.

[Joe Martin]

Well, what does it say?

[Clarice]

Let me see.

[Flora]

If you would like to learn any subject in the world without effort and are willing to volunteer for a scientific experiment. Experiment? Write to box 1934, the facsimile times.

[Joe Martin]

Hey, I don't like that. Volunteer for scientific experiment.

[Flora]

But it also says if you would like to learn any subject in the world without effort.

[Joe Martin]

Do you. Do you think I should write them?

[Flora]

All you lose is a stamp. Use a company stamp, you lose nothing.

[Joe Martin]

Okay. So since I'll never get cultured just wishing for it, take a letter. Dear sir.

[Flora]

We starting that again? Dear sir who?

[Joe Martin]

Dear Sir, Box 1934, the Facsimile Times. In response to your advertisement, permit me to say that I would very much like.

[Professor]

Carl, have you read these letters from people who want to volunteer for our machine?

[Carl]

All six of them.

[Professor]

Do you think it's wise to take people of such mentality?

[Carl]

Well, it would be a good test for the Machine?

[Professor]

Yes, but almost any change would be an improvement for them, judging from the letters.

[Carl]

Whatever else may be said, professor, the people who wrote those letters are human beings.

[Professor]

Yes, I suppose so.

[Carl]

And we need a human being to test with. After all, so far the only living thing we have used was a dog.

[Professor]

Ah, but the dog lived. It proves the machine's electrical charge in the head does not kill.

[Carl]

The charge doesn't kill. But does it force knowledge into the brain? We beamed a recording of the Einstein theory into the dog. But the dog can't talk. What good is it to him?

[Professor]

But, Carl, doesn't it give you satisfaction to know that because of our invention, there is one dog in this city who actually knows the Einstein theory? Did any dog know the theory before our invention?

[Carl]

No.

[Joe Martin]

All right.

[Professor]

So we have reason to believe the machine will work. That is why we are looking for a human being. Just to be sure.

[Carl]

But which one of these letters. Which one of these people shall we take?

[Professor]

Well, whichever one has the greatest need for knowledge.

[Carl]

They all need it.

[Professor]

Yes, but I mean, whichever one believes he needs it most, that person will have an incentive to cooperate with us.

[Carl]

I see. Well, in that case. This one.

[Joe Martin]

Flora, look, I got a letter. They selected me.

[Flora]

Congratulations.

[Joe Martin]

It says here. Please choose your subjects. Art, music, economics. That's for me.

[Flora]

You should also add another subject. How to get St. Louis to pay its bill.

[Joe Martin]

That ain't culture.

[Flora]

Who says a lady's garment business is culture?

[Joe Martin]

Gosh, Flora, you know what I mean. Like Clarice says, there's more to living than just having a job.

[Flora]

You ever try living without a job?

[Joe Martin]

Ah, clarity, music, economics. I'll show Sam Witsomborg. He's not the only one who knows those things. I'll show Clarice, too.

[Flora]

Should I call the number on this letter and make an appointment for you?

[Joe Martin]

Would you, Flora? Gee, thanks a lot.

[Flora]

Okay. Hello, I'm calling for Mr. Joe Martin. You sent him a letter about. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Yeah, he left an appointment today. Oh, Joe, is today all right?

[Joe Martin]

The sooner the better.

[Flora]

Mr. Martin is in conference now, but I believe it could be arranged. Yes. Art, music, economics. No, no, you pick one for today. To him it makes no difference.

[Clarice]

Yeah.

[Flora]

Thank you. Well, easy address. After 12:00 clock today, you'll have culture.

[Professor]

Now, Mr. Martin, if you'll just lie down here on this surgical table.

[Joe Martin]

Surgical table? I didn't come for an operation. I came for an education.

[Professor]

Oh, and you shall get one, my boy. You shall get one. After today, you'll be an expert on Art, you know, painting and sculpture and all that sort of thing. Lie down, please.

[Joe Martin]

What are you gonna do?

[Carl]

Well, you see, Mr. Martin, you have brain waves.

[Joe Martin]

I have.

[Carl]

Everybody has.

[Professor]

You see, the brain gives off power.

[Carl]

That's why.

[Professor]

Now, what we do well to describe it simply is play a recording of some subject you want to learn. Now, the sound waves are transformed into electrical waves and are charged into your brain. The result is you have the knowledge impressed into your mind. Isn't that wonderful?

[Joe Martin]

I just remembered I got another appointment.

[Carl]

Mr. Martin, in your letter you said you wanted to show your girl that you could learn things, be smart, get culture.

[Joe Martin]

Where did I put my head? Here or there?

[Professor]

Your head up here, your feet down there. Splendid, splendid. Now, Carl, attach the electro to his head, will you?

[Carl]

Yes, Professor.

[Joe Martin]

Will it hide?

[Professor]

You will never know what hit you. I mean, not at all. Not at all. Just relax, Mr. Martin.

[Carl]

Everything is ready, Professor.

[Professor]

All right, Carl. One, two, three. Now, now, now. It's just warming up, Mr. Martin. Don't be so nervous.

[Joe Martin]

No, sir.

[Carl]

Shall I start the recording?

[Professor]

Now, in one moment. You see, Mr. Martin, Carl will see the recording that he dictated this morning. And then I'll charge the knowledge into your brain. Begin the recording.

[Carl]

Yes, Professor. Among the new school of paintings which have excited modern critics and which are likely to have a profound effect upon future interpretive forms, the new circular school of impressionistic painting is outstanding.

[Joe Martin]

Now for the charge employing vibrant.

[Carl]

How is he, Professor? Is he all right?

[Professor]

He's a little glassy eyed. Maybe we better stop the experiment. No, no, no. We'll try it once more. Speed up the recording so we can charge his brain more quickly.

[Carl]

All right, if you say so. Here goes.

[Recording]

Coordinate relationships which stimulate defenses and excite the imagination. The secular school manages to get around traditional obstacles of comprehensibility. Among the leading exponents of the secular school of impressionistic thinking. Deguel and Martin Miller.

[Joe Martin]

Now the charge.

[Recording]

Another school which is managed to retain.

[Professor]

That's enough. That's enough, Carl. Shut off the equipment.

[Carl]

He is alive, isn't he?

[Professor]

I. I think so. Mr. Martin. Mr. Martin, wake up. Mr. Martin. He's coming to.

[Joe Martin]

What happened? Oh, is. Is it over?

[Professor]

Yes, that's all for today.

[Joe Martin]

And I. And I got culture.

[Professor]

So far as we know, everything seemed to work.

[Joe Martin]

I got a headache too.

[Carl]

Would you like a glass of water?

[Joe Martin]

No, I. I think I better go now. I gotta get back to work. So long, fellas.

[Carl]

Professor, should we have let him go like that?

[Professor]

Uh, let's look out of the window. Ah, there he is. Just came out of the door onto the street.

[Carl]

He's a little wobbly. Maybe a cop will think he's drunk.

[Professor]

Frankly, I'm a little worried about him. I wonder if the experiment really worked.

[Carl]

I'm worried about him too, because he. Even if the experiment did, what, speeded the record up so fast? Good heavens, Professor.

[Joe Martin]

What if he ends up talking like Donald Duck?

[Clarice]

Oh, Sam, you play the piano so beautifully.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Sam Witzenberg is not known as the Beethoven of Brooklyn for nothing.

[Clarice]

I know exactly what you mean. When Myrtle Baker said you looked like a bum, you never got a haircut. I said it's because you're artistic. Not getting a haircut, I mean. Oh, excuse me. There's the doorbell.

[Sam Witzenberg]

More company.

[Clarice]

It's probably Joe, that peasant. Now, Sam, don't you and Joe start anything.

[Joe Martin]

Hello, Clarice.

[Clarice]

Come in, Joe.

[Joe Martin]

Nice party.

[Clarice]

I hope you like it, Joe.

[Joe Martin]

Clarice, have you made up your mind yet?

[Clarice]

Made up my mind?

[Joe Martin]

You know, Clarice, about us.

[Clarice]

Joe, this is not the place to pursue that question.

[Joe Martin]

Well, I just thought that maybe if you.

[Clarice]

I. I don't know yet. Joe, come into the party.

[Joe Martin]

Sure, Clarice.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Well, well, well, if it isn't Joe. How are you, Joe?

[Joe Martin]

Hello.

[Clarice]

Was playing the piano.

[Joe Martin]

Yeah, I heard.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Read any good books lately, Joe?

[Joe Martin]

Well, we're taking inventory at the store, and I've been kind of busy.

[Clarice]

Yeah, Joe works very hard.

[Sam Witzenberg]

A hard head you gotta work hard, eh, Joe?

[Joe Martin]

The only reason you got a soft head is you got so much hair on it, it's like a mattress.

[Sam Witzenberg]

But Clarice says it's artistic.

[Joe Martin]

Clarice says? Did. Did you say that?

[Clarice]

Well, I jo. I meant he looks like an artist. Artists wear long hair.

[Sam Witzenberg]

And speaking of artists, Joe, what do you think of the new circular school of Impressionistic painting? Do you think the dynamism of the blues is more effective than the interpretive qualities of the vibrant yellows?

[Joe Martin]

Well, the real.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Sure, Joe. You're absolutely right. By the way, Clarice, how about you and I go to the Arts Institute tomorrow afternoon?

[Clarice]

Oh, that's very nice, Sam. Joe. Joe, what's the matter?

[Professor]

Sure.

[Flora]

Sure.

[Joe Martin]

Go with him to the Art Institute. Maybe he'll get a job. They'll use him as a hair mop to dust the paintings with. Joe, you want to know what I think about the new circular school of Impressionistic paintings? I'll tell you. I think the brushwork of Daguerreot is infinitely superior to the technique of Martinelli, but that the interpretive approach of both of them is Immature.

[Flora]

Joe, you're so smart.

[Joe Martin]

Sam Witsenberg, let me ask you a few questions. Why does Gregory Thompson, the British impressionist, conceive all legendary characters in his paintings as cubistic?

[Clarice]

Why?

[Sam Witzenberg]

Well, it's because. It's because.

[Joe Martin]

Because. Because why, Sam? I don't know, Sam. You don't know. You don't know they're cubistic because Thompson is a cubist and not a circular school at all. You didn't know that, huh? You're a blockhead, so you of all people should know a cubist. Now, let me tell you something else. The important news in art circles is the recrudescence of 19th century painting, with particular emphasis on the portraiture of that period. In fact, I think I will go myself tomorrow to the Art Institute and just look at that 19th century. 19th century stuff. Would you like to come, Clarice?

[Clarice]

Joe.

[Joe Martin]

Okay. Now.

[Carl]

Oh.

[Joe Martin]

Oh, we. We can't go tomorrow. It's Friday. I gotta finish inventory.

[Clarice]

Oh, that's all right, Joe. We'll go Saturday. Anytime you say, Joe.

[Joe Martin]

Okay. But you only go with me to the Art Institute. You understand?

[Clarice]

Yes, Joe.

[Joe Martin]

So, what are you gonna do tomorrow, Sam? I.

[Carl]

I think I'll get a haircut.

[Joe Martin]

Hello, Flora. Already? From mornings. Right. Where's that file from St. Louis?

[Flora]

You feeling all right, Mr. Martin?

[Clarice]

Great.

[Joe Martin]

Like a million dollars.

[Flora]

All from culture.

[Joe Martin]

Flora, you should have been there. I was so smart. The words were so big, even I couldn't understand what I was saying.

[Flora]

That's some education you got.

[Joe Martin]

Science is wonderful. Imagine those professors doing what they did to me. They shoot me full of brain waves. One minute I'm a dope, and the next minute I'm an exploit on.

[Flora]

Art, music, economics. Which one is it?

[Joe Martin]

I. I don't remember.

[Flora]

That's not good.

[Joe Martin]

Let me think. Sam, Was there art? It must have been about art because. Because tomorrow I'm taking Clarice to the Art Institute.

[Flora]

If you're going there, you really must have said something.

[Joe Martin]

I know, but I can't remember what it was. Flora, ask me some questions. Maybe it'll come back to me.

[Flora]

Why do you like pictures?

[Joe Martin]

I don't know.

[Flora]

Yesterday I saw a picture in a magazine. Looked like four soapboxes in the junkyard. It was called Sunset in Hawaii. Magazine said it was a cubist picture. Does that make sense to you?

[Joe Martin]

No.

[Flora]

Couldn't you explain it even if you couldn't understand what you were saying?

[Joe Martin]

No.

[Flora]

You need another shot in the head.

[Joe Martin]

Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Flora, call the professors and make me another appointment. I gotta take Clarice to the audience to do tomorrow. And I can't remember anything at all.

[Professor]

Now, now, now, Mr. Martin, please don't be so nervous. Just answer my questions.

[Joe Martin]

But she's my girl. I'm. I'm finally making progress, and this has to happen.

[Professor]

Yes. Carl, put on the recording again. Let Mr. Martin hear it.

[Carl]

Yes, sir.

[Recording]

No OBSTACLES of COMPREHENSIBILITY among the leading exponents of the circular school of Impressionistic painting, Daguerreo and Martinelli are perhaps best known. Another school which has managed to retain some influence on contemporary trends despite the vigorous onslaught of the Impressionists, is that group best exemplified by the work of Gregory Thompson, who's an Impressionist.

[Professor]

There, now. You remember that, don't you?

[Joe Martin]

I don't remember it. I don't understand it.

[Carl]

But we charged your brain with that information.

[Joe Martin]

You charged it? You try to collect it. I don't know where it is.

[Professor]

Carl, I'd like to talk to you alone for a moment. Excuse us, Mr. Martin.

[Joe Martin]

Yeah, sure.

[Professor]

You're. You're sure the machine worked properly when we experimented on him?

[Carl]

When I dismantled the machine this morning, everything was perfect.

[Professor]

But what could have happened?

[Carl]

Apparently, it makes only a brief impression on the brain. About 24 to 36 hours.

[Professor]

Oh, that's terrible.

[Carl]

What's terrible about it? At least we're on the right track. In a year or two, we'll perfect it so people can remember all the time.

[Professor]

People. People can learn things even if we don't perfect the machine. But what I most regret is there's no longer a dog in the whole world who knows the Einstein theory. Well, I'm. I'm sorry, Mr. Martin, but obviously the experiment wasn't as successful as we had hoped it would be.

[Joe Martin]

Then give it to me again, Professor. I just got to know about art. I'm taking Clarice to the institute tomorrow.

[Carl]

Couldn't you take her to a movie instead?

[Flora]

But.

[Joe Martin]

But I'm not afraid anymore. Put those things on my head again. Give me a Minion Volt. I like it. I like it.

[Professor]

I'm. I'm afraid that's impossible. You see, we dismantled the machine. We're moving it to a laboratory upstate. It. It will take at least a month until we put it together again.

[Joe Martin]

A month? But. But tomorrow.

[Professor]

I'm sorry, Mr. Martin.

[Joe Martin]

Clarice won't marry.

[Clarice]

Oh, hello, Joe. You're right on time for our trip to the institute. Oh, I'm so excited. Come in, Joe.

[Joe Martin]

Hello, Clarice.

[Clarice]

We'll see all the pictures and you'll explain them to me, won't you, Joe?

[Joe Martin]

Clarice, there's. There's something I want to tell you.

[Clarice]

Yes, Joe?

[Joe Martin]

It's. It's about my culture. About what I said about art the other day.

[Clarice]

Oh, Joe, you were wonderful. I thought Sam Witzenberger dropped dead. You know what? After you left, he said you knew more about art than anybody he ever knew.

[Joe Martin]

He. He said that?

[Clarice]

And you were so masterful when you told him you were taking me to the Institute.

[Joe Martin]

I. I was?

[Clarice]

Oh, Joe. Joe, I got something to tell you.

[Joe Martin]

You have?

[Clarice]

I made up my mind, Joe, don't you understand? I made up my mind. I accept your proposal.

[Joe Martin]

You mean you. You marry me?

[Clarice]

That's right, Joe. You got culture. We'll have a mental affinity.

[Joe Martin]

Clarice, listen. Let's get married right away. Today. Let's not even go to the Art Institute. Take a leave of absence. We'll go away on a honeymoon for a month.

[Clarice]

A month? A whole month?

[Joe Martin]

And then when we get back, then we got time for culture. I promise you, after one month, I will absolutely be charged with culture.

[Clarice]

Oh, Joe, this is so sudden and so romantic. Oh, but I don't have a trousseau. I need clothes.

[Joe Martin]

Look, look, I work in the ladies garment business. I'll go to the store. I'll get you all the clothes you need. Only let's get married and not go to the Art Institute.

[Clarice]

Oh, Joe, you're so smart. You think of everything I do. I'll bet you even know the Einstein theory.

[Narrator]

Next week, 2000 plus presents a thrilling melodrama of adventure and terror. Be sure to listen. 2000 plus is produced by Dreyer and Wynnelson Productions Incorporated. In today's cast, Briana Rayburn portrayed Paris and Flora. Gilbert Mack was Joe, William Keene was Sam, and Mercer McLeod was the professor. The orchestra was conducted by Emerson Buckley. Music composed by Elliot Jacoby. Sound Walt Shaver and Adrian Penner. Engineer Ed Formica. This is Ken Marvin speaking. This program came from New York.