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This is Bayard Winthrop, founder of American Giant. We make all our clothing right here in the US with American cotton and American workers get 20% off your first order when you use code GIANT20@american-giant.com. 21st. Bracing. Patrolman Jacoby. No, sir. The captain's not in. Yes, sir. He's working today. He's on his way to court with a prisoner uptown arrest. Well, I don't think he's had time to get there yet. Patrol wagon just left you about 10 minutes. You are by transcription in the muster room at the 21st Precinct, the nerve center. A call is coming through. You will follow the action taken pursuant to that call from this minute until the final report is written in the 124 room at the 21st Precinct. All right, inspector. I'll tell him. I'll leave a message on his desk to call as soon as he gets back in the house. 21st Precinct. It's just lines on a map of the city of New York. Most of the 173,000 people wedged into the 9/10 of a square mile between Fifth Avenue and the east river wouldn't know, if you asked them that they lived or worked in the 21st. Whether they know it or not, the security of their homes, their persons and their property is the job of the men of the 21st Precinct. The 21st. 160 patrolmen, 11 sergeants and four lieutenants, of whom I'm the boss. My name is Cronin, Vincent P. Cronin. I am captain in command of the 21st Precinct. I was doing day duty 8am to 6pm it was a little before 7:30 when I entered the station house and walked behind the desk to sign the blotter. I conferred with the desk officer for the 12 to wake tour, Lieutenant Smith Snyder who gave me a quick summary of occurrences in the precinct since I was last on duty. He also informed me that he had been notified by the communications bureau that Sergeant Waters, scheduled for desk duty on the 8th of 4, had gone sick at his home. I looked over the roll call for that tour with Lieutenant Garman, the desk officer and instructed him to have Patrolman Jacoby fill in on telephone switchboard duty. Later, on patrol of the precinct, I instructed my operator, Patrolman Farrell, to drop me on 86th Street, a neighborhood business area. There I walked along both sides of the street observing the crowds of Christmas shoppers and finally headed toward a small jewelry store near third Avenue. Yes, sir. Can I help you? Mr. Benfeld? Yes. I'm Captain Cronin. The commanding officer of the 21st briefing. Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. How are you, Captain? I'm glad to know you. I'm fine. Fine, thanks. Captain Canelli used to come in here once in a while. I got to know him pretty good. I heard he got promoted. I didn't hear the. What? Deputy Inspector. Oh, that's good. He deserved it, all right. Where is he? Borough Headquarters, Manhattan West. Oh, yeah? No kidding. What's that? Well, he works under the assistant chief inspector who commands all the precincts on the west side. Oh, that must be a pretty good job. Yes, it is. It is. Yeah. So how do you like it here? It's a nice neighborhood. We've got everything. You got the richest in the world on Park Avenue and Fifth Avenue. You got the poorest in the tenements. It's some variety, all right. Yeah. Listen, Mr. Banfield, I saw the boys watch and, well, the girls watch you donated for the kids Christmas party at the station house tomorrow. I want to thank you. That's nothing. Don't worry about it. They're very nice gifts. They're going to make a couple of kids pretty happy. But they look too expensive. Look, I get them wholesale, so it ain't so bad. And I've been doing it for, let's see, three years now, so it's getting to be a tradition with me. You know how it's static? No, No, I don't. Well, it was right before Christmas on a Saturday night, late. Everything was closed up. Well, a truck came right racing by here and skidded on some Iceland street and whammy, plowed right through the front of the store. Well, I mean, this isn't Tiffany's, you know, but there's a lot of inventory, even in a small store like this. Sure. I was out someplace to a party in New Jersey. I didn't get home till like 4 in the morning, and it was 5 before I got here. In the meantime, they had a policeman standing right here guarding everything. Yeah. So I was so pleased, I said to Captain Kennelly, I said, captain, what can I do for you? What can I do to show my appreciation? Well, he said he put the man here because it was the job. But if I wanted to do something, there was this Christmas party for the kids coming up at the station house. Each kid that comes with a present, you see, and that if I had something for a present for a kid, that'd be fine. So I gave him two watches, one for a boy and one for a girl. Kind of expensive gifts, all for kids. Weren't they? Yes. Yeah, that's what he said, Captain Kennelly. But then he thought of the idea they could go to the boy and to the girl that was best in the precinct teams during the year. Not the best athletes particularly, but the ones that attended practice the most and, you know, showed the best general all around. Cooperation and interest in the teens. They'd get the prizes for the year, the watches. Well, it worked out fine. I did it every year. I certainly appreciate it, Mr. Bentham. Listen, it's the least I can say, Captain. Yeah? Look. Look out there on the sidewalk. What's that lady arguing with the Santa Claus about? Yeah. You seen him around here before? Oh, yeah. I've seen him walking on this week with his darling and an iron pot. Man, she's giving Santa Claus what for. I should say I better go see what's going on. Oh, and thanks again, Mr. Mental. Don't mention it. Don't mention it. And a Merry Christmas to you and yours. Same to you. Go away, lady. You bother me.
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You're bothering the whole neighborhood.
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All right, all right. Now, what's the trouble here?
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I think he's a disgrace. Santa Claus?
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That's only her opinion, Cap. Now go away.
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Lady, I'm a very charitable woman. I'll help out any organization, anyone. I'll do my bit every time.
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Well, you did your bit. Now go home. Ah, you just keep quiet a minute, huh? Now, what's the trouble, madam?
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Well, I walked by here and I said to myself, what a nice looking Santa Claus. So I stopped and I dropped a quarter in the parcel. Then I asked him what organization he represented, and he got very insulting. I don't think he represents an organization at all.
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What do you want for a quarter, lady? An auditor's report.
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And I think he's turned too. A drunken Santa Claus is a disgrace to the spirit of Christmas. It's a horrible influence on the children of the neighborhood.
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Give to the spirit of Christmas. Gifts of the spirit of spirit. All right, all right. Now, let's cut that out for a minute. There's only so many working hours in a day, Cap. Yeah, I know, but just hold him.
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You think he's drunk?
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He is really.
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He can hardly stand up.
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Madam, I am not drunk.
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You've been drinking. I can smell it.
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I may have been drinking, but I am not drunk. I am as sober as a judge. Well, what organization do you represent, sir? I am a brother of charity.
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What's that? I never heard of it.
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Where are your headquarters? Well, it's a worldwide organization. Yeah, but where's the office? Well, we have no office. We spend no money on administrative expenses. The brothers of Charon? Yes.
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I don't believe it. I don't believe a word he says. He's lying if this is any such thing, and you know it.
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All right, Marlon, I will get it straightened out. How many members are you? Untold thousands. You have a permit from the department of Welfare to solicit arms. Department of Welfare? Yes. You need a permit to solicit charity on the streets. Our work is above the department of Welfare. Our license comes from a higher authority, the spirit of Christmas. The spirit of Christmas. All right. Spirit of Christmas. Let's put that away. Captain. Captain, every person that passes is an opportunity.
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An opportunity for a swindle?
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Madam, you've done your duty. Go home and attend to your family.
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Well, I will not stand here and be insulted.
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Good. I don't want you to stand here and be insulted. You have no license from the department of welfare. Well, as a matter of fact, I don't. But as I told you, the brothers of Charity operate on a higher authority. Well, how many brothers of charity are there? How many members? Well, sir, that's rather hard to say. There's only one member, isn't there? You? If you want me to make a rough estimate. Yes, that's about right. One member. Oh, what a disgrace.
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What a disgrace to the spirit of Britain.
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All right, Sam, fold up your stuff here. We're going to the station house. Me? Yeah.
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Well, I'm sure glad you're going to get him off the street, Captain. I'm sure glad.
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I bet you are, lady. You go around making life miserable for everybody. That's your pleasure. Now, look, you keep quiet.
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It was all right if I go now. You'll take care of him?
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Yes, and I'll take care of him.
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Well, then, goodbye. And a merry Christmas.
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Thank you. And a merry Christmas to you. All right, Santa. Come on, pick up your stuff. Yes, let's walk down to that call box. Captain, the man is entitled to make an honest living. You're not entitled to stand on the street and give the impression you're soliciting for a legitimate charity. Charity begins at home. Maybe, but not at your home. Well, you've got to admit it was a good idea anyway. Good idea until you got caught. All right, now you just stand right here. You know, I know it's going to be a long day, Captain. We couldn't stop in and get a little drink before we go through the ordeal? No, I didn't think we could Captain Cronin, box 17. Send a car over here, will you? I've got a prisoner. A prisoner? All right. Okay. A prisoner. Am I a prisoner? Yes, you sure are. What will the children say? They find out Santa Claus is a prisoner. Poor Santa Claus. Well, Santa, you better start worrying more about what the judge is going to say. The duties of a superior officer of the police department in the city of New York are essentially administrative and supervisory. Consequently, it's not very often that he's in a position to make an arrest. For every member of the force is a peace officer, and it is his duty as defined by law and the rules and regulations of the department to take proper police action when an offense normal, no matter how trivial, is committed.
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gofundme.com gofundme.com this podcast is supported by GoFundMe. After I rang into the station house, we waited at the call box for a few minutes until sector car number five, with Patrolman Coley as operator and Patrolman Farrell as recorder, arrived. Santa Claus and his paraphernalia were piled behind the seat. I got into the front of the car with the officers. They drove to the station house, where I instructed Coley and File to resume patrol. I then directed my prisoner to walk up the three exterior steps of the building and into the muster room. All right. Walk right up to the desk. Oh, indignity. Indignity. Hello, Captain. Lieutenant. A little closer. Go on. Put that stuff up on the desk. What do we got, Captain? Disorderly conduct, soliciting arms in public. 25. What's your name? Santa Charles Edgar Enning. All right, 11. Edgar or Edwin Edgar. How do you spell the last name? E, N, N I N, G Inning. Stand up straight there. Don't lean on the railing. How old are you? Well, I'll be 58. I know you'll be 58. How old are you now? 54. Where do you live? Now that is a question. Don't you know where you live? Well, last night, for instance, I lived at the New Gem Hotel. The New Gem Hotel? The New Gem? Yes. Where's that? On the bow, near Pell Street, I think. What do they charge you there? A quarter per bed, per night. The New Gem, huh? I'd like to see the Old Gem. Gentlemen, before we complete the formalities, couldn't we send out for a nice little bottle of wine on the. Stand up straight there. You've had about enough wine. All right. I respect his honor. Yeah, that's a good idea. Where was his captain? On the street? 86 and 3rd Avenue. Yeah, that's right. He was annoying a woman. The meanest woman in the world. Absolutely. The meanest woman in the world. Visiting arms in public. That's Section 722, Article 7, penal law. That's right, Lieutenant. Yes, sir. All right, let's see what you got in your pocket, Charlie. 25, pregnant. It was a little difficult for me to stand stand still with nothing to hold on to. Captain. Come on, come on. Make the effort. Okay. Captain. Yes? Lt. King wants to know if you've got a minute to talk to him. Is he in the house? Yes, he's upstairs. All Right. Tell him. Come on down. Unzip that, Charlene. Come on downstairs, Lieutenant. This sacrilege. Zippers on a Santa Claus outfit. Just plain sacrilege. Now, let's get into those pockets. The king was right down, Captain. All right. Well, looks like you had a pretty good day, Colleen. That's my life, Phoebe. Well, you're gonna need it for your old age. Here's some more. People sure believed you, didn't they? Santa hearts are filled with charity at this season. And you're just the boy to empty them. Well, Ms. Vegas, that. That is my medicine. Medicine? This is Madison. You should be good and cured by now. Well, you shouldn't expect too much for 79 cents a pint. I'm a great champion of domestic wines over the imported. Have you been hitting the bottle this morning already, Lieutenant, I must confess, that's the second pint this morning. After all, it's an occupational necessity. It's cold working outside. Yeah, well, you'll have plenty of time indoors to warm up. Don't you have any identification on you, Charlie? Yes, the return ticket to the North Pole. That's all. Never mind the wire, Scraggs. No Social Security card, anything like that. I don't believe in Social Security. It's creeping socialism. Hello, Captain. Hello, Matt Murd. How are you, Brad? I heard Sergeant Waters went sick. What's the matter with him? Oh, you know, the virus that's going around that. He'll be all right in a day or two. Why don't you send him some of my medicine? What have you got here, Captain? Aren't you in the wrong place, sir? That's what I keep telling. Can I count up the change, Lieutenant? Yes, sir. And I'm watching you. 25. Yes, ma'. Am. Well, I've got a little problem, Captain. Yeah? You remember you were telling me about the English bike you bought for your boy last Christmas? Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember. Well, I had one on order for my kid, but the store called up this morning, said they were sorry, but they didn't think the shipment they were counting on would arrive until after Christmas. I don't want to disappoint the kid. You get a pretty good deal last year? Yeah, I think it was pretty good. Oh, where is the place? I'd like to try there. They may have something in stock and I could pick it up on the way home tonight. Well, there's a store called Fairland Sporting Goods. It's downtown Lafayette street, right near Broome Street. You know, just. Just around the corner from headquarters. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I've seen it. You know somebody there I could call? Sure. The owner, a fellow named Homie. Just tell them who you are. And I figure I've known him for years. If he's got anything there, he'll give you a good buy, man. Certainly get me off the spot. You try him out. Thanks, Captain. I will. Right away. Let me know how you make out, huh? $7. 10, 20, 25, 30. $7.30. You verify the amount center. It seems all right. Okay, let's have the beard. The beard. Come on, take it off. I. I proclaimed. Let's have it. It is part of my clothing. You have no right to take part of my clothing. You got a point there, Lieutenant. Let him keep the beard. All right, Santa. At $7.30 in coin, a handkerchief, an open pint of wine, a book of matches, an iron pot and a bell. Here's your receipt. Don't drink any of the wine. It's safe here. Santa, I guarantee you caution session now and you'll be taken there for hearing. That's up in Manhattan. Arrest for Magistrates Card West 151st Street. Is there anyone you want notified? We'll make three telephone calls. No, no, no. There's no one. All right. Give me any communications bureau on hey, Jacoby. Yes, sir. 20 place precinct. Lieutenant Gorman. One prisoner for Upper Manhattan Arrest courts you be okay. Call wagons on the way, Captain. If you have any other clothes, any place. Charlie Mufti Musty. Yes, Well, I have a suit. Or as you might call a suit in the storeroom at the New Jem Hotel. Where did you get this outfit, John? From the storeroom at the New Jam. Do they know that you've got it? Of course. I'm supposed to play the part of the annual Christmas party at the New Jam. Yes, it's a brilliant affair. Everyone comes and the Bay rum flows like beer. Everything flows. And I'm to be Saint Nick? Not this year, Charlie. You might be out in time to be the Easter bunny, but not St. Nick. The law of the State of New York is quite explicit about the rights of persons arrested for a crime or an offense. If a court of competent jurisdiction is in session at the time of an arrest, the prisoner must be taken there for an immediate hearing. If no court is in session, a person arrested for an offense can post bail with the desk office in the precinct where he's booked. When the patrol wagon arrived at the station house, my prisoner was loaded into the back as required. I as arresting officer got in with him. We were driven uptown to Upper Manhattan Arrest court, a part of the magistrates court of the city of New York. There I unloaded the prisoner and took him inside to the detention pen where I signed him in. And an officer of the department of correction took custody. Then I went upstairs, made out a complaint against the prisoner. This was given to the clerk of the court to be docketed. I returned to the detention pen where I got my prisoner, took him to the enclosure just outside the courtroom. Then I went and sat inside the railing where the magistrate heard other cases. Let's see that record. Yes, your honor. Thank you. Can we have some order in here? Order. Order in the court. You seem to have been through every police station in the city, Willie. Now you can't go around this city stealing little items in every store in every neighborhood. I don't know whether you're a thief at heart or whether you're sick. I think you need psychiatric help. Mail $500 for a man for special sections. All right, Willie, step this way through that door. Captain Cronin, Case of Charles Edgar inning. Okay. Come on, Santa Claus. Don't rush me. Christmas isn't here yet, Captain. You struck your neck out a mile when you made this arrest. What'll all the little children think of you? That's beginning to worry me, your honor. All right, innings. Stand over there in front of the bench. Well, here we go again, eh, Captain? Captain Cronin, Raise your right hand. You sound swear this complaint is true? I do. Charles Edgar, charged with violation of Section 722, Article 7 penal law, unless you solicit arms at 86th street and 3rd Avenue on December 23, 1955, without permit from his violent welfare while dressed. Santa Clause of suggestions. How do you plead? Guilty. Not guilty? Guilty with an exclamation, Judge. And where's your Raindian Sparrow?
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Delete. McMacy.
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We will not have another outburst such as that. The attendant will try to find the party responsible and remove him from the courtroom. This is not a vaudeville stage. This is a court of law. You see, judge, I am an honest, hard working man. Now wait a minute, Santa. Before you start your explanation, you've got to have something to explain about. What's the story, captain? Well, about 10:15 this morning, your honor, I was inside a jewelry store on 86th street near the corner of 3rd Avenue. I was talking to the owner of a jewelry store on police service. From the interior of the store, the sidewalk could be plainly observed through the display window. While I was talking to the owner, I noticed this man, the defendant, standing on the sidewalk near the curb. He was dressed as he is now, in the costume of Santa claus. He had a tripod nine pot and he was ringing a bell, soliciting arms from the passersby. Is his syphon Alia in court? Yes, sir, it is Santa. You want to show me how you rang the bell? I just rang the bell, your honor. Do you want me to show you? Yes, I'll show you. Hang on. The spirit of christmas. The spirit of christmas. You observe this from the inside of the jewelry door through the window, Captain? Yes, your honor. He was soliciting passersby. And occasionally I saw an individual drop a coin into the. That was the primary idea. After I talked to the jewelry store owner for a while, My attention was called to the fact that this man he defended was engaged in an argument with a woman on the sidewalk. I went outside to see what was going on. She was mean. The meanest woman in the world. All right, you just keep quiet. You'll get your turn. Apparently, she dropped a coin into the pot and made an inquiry as to what charity he represented. He couldn't give her a satisfactory answer. She started to argue with him. I learned he was doing this for the purpose of personal profit. It was 10:15 in the morning, your honor. It was apparent that while he'd already had several drinks, I placed him under arrest, took him to the station house. We found $7, some small change in his pockets. I'm making a search. Also a pint bottle partially filled with wine. He admitted that this was already his second bottle of the day. Well, we. Santa, what have you got to say about that? That pretty much the story? Well, pretty much, your honor, it's the bare facts. But it doesn't get to the heart of the matter. I mean, the heart of the matter. Of course. I have to have money. I have to live and eat and drink. I take a drink occasionally, yes, but the money is entirely secondary. I decided to become the personification of Santa Claus Merely to give pleasure to the million of people in the city of new york. To the. To the little children and to the grownups. To stand in front of the stores on 86th street and to greet the people and to say hello to the children and to ask them what they want for Christmas and give them all a kind word to take class commercialism out of Christmas. That was my object in the whole thing. The. The money was entirely secondary. Now, don't give me a snow job, Santa. A snow job. That is funny. Don't give me a snow job, Santa. It wasn't intended to be funny, Captain. Did you notice him spreading any good cheer along 86th Street? Did you observe him uplifting any spirits? Worse, your Honor. I imagine the only spirit he uplifted was his own when he took a slug of wine. I object. The fact that I required a stimulant occasionally to shelter myself against the cold. Isn't germane to the question before you. Your Honor. Where do you live, Santa? Well, I've seen hard times, your Honor. I don't live. I exist. Well, where do you exist? Downtown. In a hotel. On the Bowery? Yes, in that general neighborhood. He gave his address as the New Gem Hotel, you, Honor. On the Bowery? Near Pell Street. You've been here before, haven't you? On occasion, your Honor. Well, can you recall any particular occasion? Well, to tell you the truth. That's what I want, the truth. To tell you the truth, my recollection isn't as good as it ought to be. But I've been here. How many times? Well, let's say occasionally on the same charge on similar charges. I didn't have the opportunity to become a Santa Claus in July, you know. Were you here in July? Well, I was here when it was hot. I. I don't know whether it was July or August. Have you been here since? Well, let's see. After the time when it was hot, I. I was away for a while. On a vacation? Yes, a vacation after the fashion. In the workhouse. What did you get that time? 30 days. Have you been back since? Well, not here. I've been to the downtown court. When was that? Well, I would say October. What were you dressed as then? Christopher Columbus? No, just as myself. What did you get that time? 15 days. Well, you've been in as much as you've been out lately. The workhouse is almost as good as the New Gem Hotel. Do you have much trouble like this in your command, Captain? Not too much, your Honor. These fellows stay downtown most of the time. Well, I should have stayed downtown today. It wouldn't have been a bad idea. Yes, I'm beginning to think so, your Honor. All right. It's not a pleasant thing for a citizen to walk down the street and see a man begging on the sidewalk. It's a public nuisance, and it's degrading to our society. Now, you've been through here several times before. You said on one occasion you got 15 days and on another occasion, you got 30 days. If we take you back and fingerprint you, we'd find you'd been standing right there in some court or other at least four or five times a year for the past 10 years. Isn't that right? Well, I couldn't make a precise estimate, your honor, but I would be inclined to accept your figures. All right. See if you're inclined to accept this figure. 30 days in the workhouse. Thank you, your honor. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Don't go away yet. I'm not through. Now, this is the last session of this court before Christmas. You come in here charged with an offense that I said was dependent, degrading to our society. And you've come in here dressed as Santa Claus. Now, I don't want it on my conscience that on the last day I sit on this bench before Christmas, I'd send a man who purported to be Santa Claus to the workhouse. I know any admonition that I may make you about staying off the streets will have no effect whatsoever. You'll be out there tomorrow grubbing nickels and dimes again. I've got to eat karana. And as you said, drink. In any case, the spirit of Christmas is upon me. Sentence is suspended. You. You mean I can go? That's what I mean. Adjourned at 2:00'. Clock. Well, captain, I. I guess I beat that rap. Yeah. Yeah, looks like you did. No hard feelings? No. It's all part of the job. I know, and I appreciate. Appreciate it. You've got your job and I've got mine. Let me tell you something, Charlie. You stop doing your job in my precinct, or I'm gonna find me a judge who never heard of Christmas. 21st Precinct, Patrolman Jacoby. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Not so fast. See? What. Who told you this? And so it goes around the clock through the week, every day, every year, a police precinct in the city of New York is a flesh and blood merry go round. Anyone can catch the brass ring or the brass ring can catch anyone. 21st Precinct transcribed a factual account of the way police work in the world's largest city is presented with the official cooperation of the patrolman's Benevolent association, an organization of more than 20,000 members of the police department's city of New York. James Gregory in the role of Captain Cronin, Ken Lynch's Lieutenant King. Featured in tonight's cast were Santa Sottega, Larry Haynes, Ethel Everett, Eric Dressler, Joe Desantis and Wendell holmes as Santa. 21st Precinct is written and produced by Stanley Nist. Art Hannah speaking.
Episode: 21st Precinct 55-12-23 (116) "The Beard"
Date: February 28, 2026
Podcast Host: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Original Air Date: December 23, 1955
Episode Theme:
A slice-of-life Christmas episode from the "21st Precinct" radio drama, immersing listeners in the daily work of New York City police—centering on Captain Cronin’s encounter and arrest of a Santa Claus figure soliciting charity without a license. The episode explores notions of charity, poverty, public order, and the sometimes blurry lines between compassion and law enforcement during the holiday season.
The episode spotlights the contrast between the festive spirit of Christmas and the practical, sometimes somber realities faced by law enforcement. Set just before Christmas, it follows Captain Cronin as he navigates both administrative responsibilities and the direct policing of his precinct, culminating in the arrest of a street-corner Santa Claus accused of illegally soliciting donations and public drunkenness. The episode balances humor, social commentary, and heartfelt moments, reflecting both the challenges and humanity within police work.
Narration by Captain Cronin: Chronicles the diversity of the precinct—its rich, its poor—and the administrative duties of managing police operations.
"You got the richest in the world on Park Avenue and Fifth Avenue. You got the poorest in the tenements. It’s some variety, all right."
— Captain Cronin (02:23)
Cronin’s relationship-building is evident during his visit to a local jeweler, Mr. Benfeld, who supplies gifts for the police station Christmas party—showcasing community connections.
Incident on the Sidewalk:
Cronin spots a woman angrily confronting a bell-ringing Santa. She accuses “Santa” (Charles Edgar Inning) of being drunk and operating a fake charity ("The Brothers of Charity").
"What do you want for a quarter, lady? An auditor's report?" — Santa (05:51)
"A drunken Santa Claus is a disgrace to the spirit of Christmas. It's a horrible influence on the children of the neighborhood." — Concerned Woman (05:53)
Interrogation:
Cronin questions "Santa" about his credentials. “Santa” reveals he is the sole member of his organization, and admits to not having a city permit. Cronin arrests him for disorderly conduct and soliciting without a license.
Booking and Banter:
Santa is processed at the station, providing sarcastic answers about his age, address (New Gem Hotel on the Bowery), and lack of identification.
"The New Gem, huh? I’d like to see the Old Gem." — Lieutenant (12:03)
"Don’t you have any identification on you, Charlie?"
"Yes, the return ticket to the North Pole. That’s all." — Lieutenant & Santa (14:00)
Discussion among Officers:
The officers poke fun and gently chide Santa, but recognize the undercurrent of poverty and alcohol dependence.
Arraignment in Magistrate's Court:
Santa stands before the judge, who notes his lengthy record of vagrancy and similar offenses. Santa attempts to defend himself, claiming his intention was to "spread good cheer," not to scam or intoxicate the neighborhood.
Judge: "What did you get that time?"
Santa: "30 days."
Judge: "Have you been back since?"
Santa: "Well, not here. I’ve been to the downtown court… Let's say occasionally, on the same charge, or similar charges. I didn't have the opportunity to become a Santa Claus in July, you know."
Judge’s Ruling:
The judge, in the holiday spirit and perhaps with some resignation to the system’s limitations, opts to suspend the sentence instead of sending “Santa” to the workhouse for thirty days.
"Now, I don't want it on my conscience that on the last day I sit on this bench before Christmas, I'd send a man who purported to be Santa Claus to the workhouse. … Sentence is suspended. You… You mean I can go? That's what I mean." — Judge (25:55)
Santa’s Sarcasm and Humanity:
Reflections on Poverty, Policing & Compassion:
Humor Among Police:
The tone throughout remains matter-of-fact, pragmatic, and lightly humorous—blending the seriousness of policing with moments of warmth, wit, and insight into the lived experience of both officers and the down-on-their-luck. Dialogue is naturalistic, with dry humor masking the underlying societal tensions and personal hardships facing “Santa” and the officers alike.
This episode encapsulates the dual nature of Christmas city life—good intentions and hard realities meet on the sidewalk, with police officers caught between enforcing order and practicing empathy. The fictional tale, told in “real time” police procedural style, ultimately leaves listeners reflecting on the deeper questions behind seasonal charity and civic duty.
For listeners seeking a window into classic radio drama, “The Beard” delivers a mix of narrative authenticity, gentle humor, and social consciousness—a Christmas story with a distinctly New York flavor.