Abbott & Costello: Christmas Shopping for Lou’s Girlfriend

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Air Date: December 1, 2025 (originally aired December 14, 1944)
Main Cast: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, supporting radio cast

Episode Overview

This classic Abbott and Costello holiday episode is a fast-paced, joke-filled romp set in the days leading up to Christmas. Lou Costello sets off on a frantic mission to buy the perfect Christmas present for his neighbor and romantic interest, Ruby Poolcue, with Bud Abbott acting as both enabler and exasperated straight man. The episode is a showcase of slapstick, wordplay, misunderstandings, and the duo’s signature rapid-fire banter, all framed by the hustle and bustle of wartime Christmas shopping.

Key Discussion Points & Comedy Segments

1. Opening Antics: Letters from Overseas and Christmas Preparations

• Lou receives a letter from his cousin Hugo in Africa, saying the soldiers will have a "white Christmas" thanks to bleached beans (01:27).
• The duo riffs on buying Christmas seals vs. "shields" and the silliness around selling Christmas presents after receiving them (01:43-02:06).
• Quote:
  • Bud: “I just bought 100 Christmas seals.”
  • Lou: “A hundred Christmas shields. Sure. For goodness sakes, how you gonna feed em?” (01:51)

2. Presents and Practical Jokes

• The two discuss gifts, particularly Lou selling the “electric bed warmer” Abbott gave him—later revealed as a toaster.
  • Lou: “No wonder it kept turning me over and throwing me out of bed.” (02:18)
• Abbott hints Costello should buy a girdle for his wife Betty, which leads to one of Lou’s signature misdefinitions:
  • Lou: “It’s one of those things that keeps an unhappy situation from spreading.” (02:43)

3. Family and Girlfriend Jokes

• Lou reveals he isn’t getting his brother Sebastian a present because he already gave him “the measles” last year (02:55).
• The conversation turns to Costello's attempts to impress Ruby Poolcue, who “got her face caught in a waffle iron,” prompting recurring visual gags about her looks and makeup (03:13).

4. Running ‘Lend Me $50’ Gag (Financial Confusion Classic)

• Bud Abbott “lets” Lou lend him $50, but Lou only has $40; confusion and back-and-forth about who owes whom ensue (05:00-06:23).
• Quote:
  • Bud: “Give me the $40 and you can owe me the 10.”
  • Lou: “Okay, here’s $40.”
  • Bud: “Now I owe you 10.”
  • Lou: “That’s right.” (05:35-05:39)
• Skit plays Abbott and Costello’s signature ‘who’s on first’-style confusion, ending with Lou more in debt than he started.

5. Musical Interlude: “The Trolley Song”

• Featuring singer Connie Haynes, the show transitions with a Christmas shopper–themed musical performance (08:08-10:09).

6. Downtown Shopping Adventures

• The duo navigates crowded streetcars, wisecrack with passengers, and Costello’s complaints about tall and fat people taking his seat (10:09-11:50).
• Lou considers buying his mother a squirrel (for help with housework), justifying it with: “She can tie his tail up and let him run between the venetian blinds” (12:01).

7. Department Store Hijinks

• The arrival of “kid brother Sebastian” (Lou in a high-pitched voice) introduces more gags about skipping school because “the kids do all the work and the teachers get paid for it” (12:46).
• Interview with “Mr. Kitzel”, the comically over-energetic floorwalker, who tries to sell pajamas and a “mohair” easy chair (13:56-14:33).
• Quote:
  • Lou: “Merry Christmas from the waist up.” (14:23, on buying only the top half of pajamas)

8. The Piano Department and Lou’s Girlfriend’s Gift

• More price confusion and punning—Lou contemplates buying a piano, with jokes on the “wood” it's made from (“You think I go around tasting pianos?”) (03:31-04:18).
• Lou claims to be a “piano tuna” and jokes about player pianos and noisy wallpaper (16:09-16:27).

9. Confused Christmas Spirit & Mules Mix-Up

• Lou is stuck on what to buy Ruby. Abbott suggests “mules,” but Lou imagines the farm animal, not the women’s slipper, leading to an escalating misunderstanding (20:16-21:53).
  • Bud: “My wife keeps her mules under the bed.”
  • Lou: “For goodness sakes, don’t the Board of Health complain?” (21:47-21:53)

10. Cosmetics Counter Miscommunications

• A department store clerk tries to help Lou pick out beauty products for Ruby, only for Lou to repeatedly misconstrue “complexion” (speckled like an olive, “pits and all”), “beauty kits” (wants to buy a ‘kit’ because he wants to have ‘kits’ of his own), and “rats” (as in hairnets, but Lou thinks Bud is insulting his father) (22:23-25:09).
• Quote:
  • Lou: “The next morning she broke out in biscuits.” (23:36, after applying a facial kit)

11. Weight-Loss Machine Gag

• Lou’s girlfriend is described as “240 lbs with her girdle on,” and the idea of a reducing machine is introduced. Costello ends up in the machine, which ‘melts’ him into a puddle of water (25:35-26:39).
  • Bud: “All I see is a little puddle of water.”
  • Lou: “Well, don’t step in it.” (26:38-26:40)

12. Closing: A Nod to War Effort and Army Nurses

• Bud and Lou switch to a more serious tone, encouraging listeners—especially nurses—to join the Army Nurse Corps, emphasizing the importance of supporting the war (“give your country the best Christmas present of all”) (28:10-28:33).
• Quote:
  • Lou: “I hope that all the nurses that are listening in tonight will…”
  • Bud: “…join the Army Nurse Corps and give their country the best Christmas present of all.” (28:28-28:33)

Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• On confusing presents:
  • Lou: “No wonder it kept turning me over and throwing me out of bed.” [02:18]
• On “girdles”:
  • Lou: “It’s one of those things that keeps an unhappy situation from spreading.” [02:43]
• On musical instruments:
  • Lou: “What do you think I am, a woodpecker? You think I go around tasting pianos?” [04:11-04:18]
• Classic money confusion:
  • Bud: “Give me the $40 and you can owe me the 10.” [05:35]
  • Lou: “Now I owe you 10.” [05:39]
• On mules (shoes) and misunderstandings:
  • Bud: “My wife keeps her mules under the bed.”
  • Lou: “For goodness sakes, don’t the Board of Health complain.” [21:49-21:53]
• Cosmetics mix-up:
  • Cosmetics Saleswoman: “Does she have a snood?”
  • Lou: “Certainly she’s got a snood… it's a short snood that turns up at the end. She’s a very snooty dame.” [24:15-24:32]
• On facial beauty kits:
  • Lou: “The next morning she broke out in biscuits.” [23:36]
• On losing weight in a fat-melting cabinet:
  • Bud: “All I see is a little puddle of water.”
  • Lou: “Well, don’t step in it.” [26:38-26:40]

Highlighted Segments and Timestamps

• Letter from Africa & Bleached Beans Joke: [01:27]
• Confused Presents & Girdle Gag: [02:29-02:43]
• Family Disease Gag (Measles): [02:53-02:58]
• Buying a Piano & Wood Flavor Gag: [03:27-04:18]
• Money-Lending Banter: [05:00-06:23]
• Connie Haynes – "The Trolley Song": [08:08-10:09]
• Streetcar Scene: [10:09-11:50]
• Sebastian & School Racket: [12:46-13:02]
• Department Store Antics, Mr. Kitzel Sells Pajamas: [13:56-14:23]
• Piano Department/Piano Tuna Gag: [15:05-16:27]
• Mules (Slippers) vs. Mules (Animal) Routine: [20:16-21:53]
• Cosmetic Counter & Beauty Kit Gag: [22:23-23:44]
• Fat-Melting Cabinet (Weight Loss Gag): [25:45-26:40]
• Army Nurse Corps Call to Action: [28:10-28:33]

Overall Tone & Style

The episode is a perfect encapsulation of Abbott and Costello’s vaudeville routines, reliant on puns, malapropisms, and frenetic exchanges. Even as wartime references and calls for supporting the troops are woven in, the show maintains a buoyant holiday spirit, reminding listeners of the comic relief radio provided during tough times. The comedy is family-friendly, steeped in slapstick, and packed with double entendre and word play.

For fans of Golden Age radio, this episode is a master class in classic comedic timing and holiday silliness, sure to bring a smile whether for nostalgia or a fresh listen.