Abbott and Costello 47-04-10 "Nuts and Bolts"

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
Date: January 16, 2026 (original air date: April 10, 1947)
Episode Summary by Podcast Summarizer

Overview

This episode of the classic Abbott and Costello radio show, titled "Nuts and Bolts," is a vibrant showcase of the duo’s legendary wordplay, rapid-fire puns, and slapstick humor. As always, the show is packed with miscommunication, wacky scenarios, and running gags. The main plot follows Costello’s misadventures as he attempts to find gainful employment, first at a nut and bolt factory, and later as a door-to-door salesman of “Chief Schmo’s Spot Remover” and “Indian Water,” leading to a series of escalating comedic misunderstandings.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Looking for Work: Nut and Bolt Factory Bit

• Abbott proposes work: Abbott asks Costello why he doesn’t get a good job, recounting his brother’s experience at the nut and bolt factory.

• Classic misunderstanding: The conversation devolves into a farcical back-and-forth about “doing nothing” and “nutting,” a showcase of Abbott and Costello’s layered wordplay.

  • Sample Exchange:
    • Costello: “He gets paid for doing nothing?”
      Abbott: “Certainly.”
      Costello: “If I get a job at the nut and bolt factory, what would I be doing?” Abbott: “Nutting.”
      [04:51–04:54]
    • The confusion grows when Abbott adds that sometimes his brother does “knotting” at a rope factory, spinning the word in new directions.
      • Costello: “This guy’s been getting away with murder. Up to now, he’s been doing nothing and knotting.” [05:35–05:41]

2. Costello’s Get-Rich-Quick Schemes and Quiz Shows

• Costello suggests that working is for “suckers,” explaining he’d rather go on quiz shows like his Aunt May, who won extravagant prizes “and she was one of the losers.” [10:21–10:34]
• He plans to make a fortune selling “Chief Schmo’s Spot Remover,” despite the absurd challenge: “I can win the $500 grand prize by selling 175 million bottles.”
  • Abbott: “There are only 130 million people in the United States.”
    Costello: “So what? I’ve got friends in Mexico.” [10:58–11:02]

3. The Chief Schmo’s Spot Remover Scheme

• Meeting Chief Schmo: Costello and Abbott visit Chief Schmo, who presents himself with puns such as, “As the Santa Fe train said to the freight train, I am the chief.” [11:31–11:39]
• Chief Schmo quizzes Costello on his qualifications in a mock-serious fashion:
  • “Were you born? Well, I’ll turn the form over on the other side and see if it goes any lower.” [12:24–12:34]
• Sales Training: Chief Schmo gives Costello ridiculous sales advice, like sticking his foot (or head) in the door to prevent it from slamming.
• The “12 foot pole” gag: If Costello sells enough bottles, he wins a 12-foot pole—“for girls you can’t touch with a 10-foot pole.” [13:43–13:45]

4. Door-to-Door Antics: Failed Sales and More Misunderstandings

• Failed Sale #1: To Marilyn Maxwell, Costello ruins a dress with spot remover.
• Failed Sale #2: To Mrs. Wetwash, who mistakes Costello for a garbage can and then a “pot remover.” Costello takes the chief’s advice, sticks his head in the door, and gets it slammed—leading Mrs. Wetwash to feel sorry and buy his entire stock.
  • Costello (dazed): “Yes. Slam the door on my head again.” [17:53]

5. Chief Schmo’s Indian Water—Another Scheme

• Chief Schmo now wants Costello to help sell 980 bottles of “Schmo’s Indian Water,” a supposed elixir of youth.
• Comedic chemistry: Costello riffs on chemical formulas before quipping that “Ethel Schultz… that’s her phone number. If a man answers, that’s the wrong formula.” [23:34–23:45]
• Elixir/elixir/pun: Another misunderstanding arises over the word “elixir.” Costello takes “he licks her” literally, fearing the squaw is being beaten, to which Abbott explains the pun. [24:07–24:40]

6. Pitching the Miracle Tonic—Chaos Ensues

• Costello and Chief Schmo attempt to sell the elixir to an assembled crowd, boasting the Chief is “239 years old.”
• Costello embellishes: “You couldn’t prove it by me, lady, I’ve only been with him 146 years.” [26:03–26:08]
• Arrested: A policeman interrupts, questioning the con, and hauls both Abbott and Costello off in a patrol wagon.
  • Abbott: “Costello will be 146 years old by the time he gets out of jail.” [26:31]

7. Elixir Hijinks and Classic "I'm a Bad Boy" Signoff

• In the patrol wagon, Costello drinks the youth elixir, reverts to a child, and takes refuge in the old “bad boy” bit.
  • Abbott: “Costello, I don’t see you. All I see is a fat little boy.”
    Chief Schmo: “That stuff works!” [27:08–27:20]
  • After being scolded for hitching a ride on the patrol wagon, he sheepishly admits: “Oh, I’m a bad boy.” [27:56–28:09]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Nut and Bolt Factory Routine

• Costello: “He gets paid for doing nothing?”
• Abbott: “Certainly.”
• Costello: “If I get a job at the nut and bolt factory, what would I be doing?”
• Abbott: “Nutting.”
• Costello: “Now you’re talking. That’s the kind of job I want.”
  • [04:49–04:55]

Chief Schmo’s Application

• Chief Schmo: “Were you born? Well, I’ll turn the form over on the other side and see if it goes any lower.”
  • [12:24–12:34]

Spot Remover Sales Pitch

• Chief Schmo: “If you sell those bottles, you get a 12-foot pole.”
• Costello: “What’s that for?”
• Schmo: “For girls you can’t touch with a ten-foot pole.”
  • [13:43–13:45]

Mrs. Wetwash After Slamming Costello’s Head

• Mrs. Wetwash: “I'll buy all your spot remover! … I’ll kiss you and kiss you!”
• Costello: “Yes. Slam the door on my head again.”
  • [17:40–17:53]

The “Elixir”/“He licks her” Mixup

• Chief Schmo: “His squaw stirs the mixture all day… And at night, when it’s finished, elixir!”
• Costello: “I’m going to report this … at night the sinian comes along and he licks her. … If he licks her tonight, he'll have to lick me too!”
  • [24:07–24:29]

Selling Indian Water

• Chief Schmo: “I am 239 years old...I’ve worn out four Shaver Lifetime Pens.”
• Costello: “You couldn’t prove it by me, lady, I’ve only been with him 146 years.”
  • [25:34–26:08]

Classic Costello “Bad Boy” Routine

• Officer: “How many times have I told you kids not to hitch rides on the patrol wagon?”
• Costello (as child): “Oh, I’m a bad boy.”
  • [27:56–28:09]

Important Segment Timestamps

• Nut and Bolt Routine: 04:30–06:34
• Quiz Shows/Wacky Jobs: 10:21–11:25
• Chief Schmo Interview: 11:31–13:07
• Door-to-Door Sales Escapades: 13:54–17:53
• Indian Water/Elixir Gags: 22:07–24:46
• Pitch to the Crowd/Getting Arrested: 25:09–26:43
• Patrol Wagon and Transformation Bit: 26:46–28:09
• Sign-off "I'm a Bad Boy": 27:56–28:09

Final Notes

“Nuts and Bolts” is vintage Abbott and Costello—a fast-paced episode packed with wordplay, clever puns, and thoroughly silly misunderstandings. The chemistry between Abbott (as the exasperated straight man) and Costello (as the befuddled innocent) drives the humor from the opening job routine through to the wacky “elixir of youth” climax. If you enjoy quick-witted vaudevillian banter and classic slapstick, this Golden Age radio comedy delivers it in spades.