Abbott & Costello at Davis Air Force Base (March 22, 1945)

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Date: August 29, 2025
Selection: Abbott & Costello 45-03-22 Davis Air Force Base

Overview

In this classic episode, Abbott & Costello broadcast their show from the Davis-Monthan Air Base in Tucson, Arizona, entertaining a live audience of U.S. airmen during World War II. The comedy duo delivers rapid-fire routines filled with slapstick wordplay, military gags, and satire about army life, horses, and the strangeness of the American Southwest. The episode features their signature byplay, zany misunderstandings, and patriotic morale-boosting humor for the troops.

Key Discussion Points & Comedy Highlights

Opening Antics: Army Life and Travel Mishaps

• Costello arrives at the base looking disheveled, joking about kissing a WAC ("That's the last time I'll ever kiss a whack in a jeep with a motor on it." – Costello, 02:39).
• Travel to the base is lampooned, as Costello complains of standing on the train, having to share with an army dog:
  Costello: "There was even an army dog sleeping in an upper birth." (02:53)
  Abbott: "Did you complain to the conductor?"
  Costello: "I did... He paid for a lower."
• Costello's cowboy getup leads to classic misunderstandings about "four-gallon hats" and "mustang"–he mistakes the horse for a mustache.
  ("I used to have a mustang, but I shaved it off. I made my girlfriend jealous — it was bigger than hers." – Costello, 03:35)

Notable Quotes

• "I can do anything if I set my mind to it." – Costello, 03:15
• "All I had was an 8 ticket." – Costello, explaining his "four gallon" hat, 03:18

Wordplay and Horse Logic (03:00–06:00)

• The pair riff on horse terminology:
  • Dray horse vs. day horse vs. gray horse—Costello grows increasingly confused by Abbott’s explanations:
    Abbott: "If he pulls a wagon, he's a dray horse..." (05:33)
    Costello: "When you say he's a dray horse, you don't mean it's a day horse, you mean it's a dray horse. And a dray horse can still be a gray horse when he works night or dray." (05:50)
    Abbott: "Now you've got it."
    Costello: "Now I've got it. I don't even know what I'm talking about."
• Lasso and cowboy gear lead to more punning confusion:
  "A lasso is a rope or a coil. Oh, I got very pretty coils. My mother coils my coil every morning..." – Costello, 06:35

Desert Adventures & Model Homes (06:50–14:00)

• Grand Canyon Joke:
  Costello: "That Grand Canyon is a fake." (08:07)
  Abbott: "What do you mean...?"
  Costello: "There's nothing there but a big hole!"
• Army Life Satire:
  Abbott: "Isn't it wonderful to be playing to this fine bunch of clean living boys?" (09:05)
  Costello: "You can get very dirty on $50 a month."
• Building a desert house—miscommunication with a loan officer (O. Tommy O.), who checks Costello's blood and tattoos for collateral:
  • "We'll return it [your blood] after the loan is paid up." (11:17)
  • Room after room is "cut" from Costello's model home to save money until only the ground is left.
    Loan Officer: "You’ve got a lovely piece of ground..." (14:09)
    Costello: "Good. I can park there and live in my car."

Life on Base & Army Pay Gags (14:10–17:45)

• Observations about Airmen:
  Costello: "These guys don’t pay no attention to the 12 o'clock curfew... Curfew or no curfew, they go to bed at 10 o'clock." (15:46)
  • Private jokes about the lowest army pay rank:
    "I was out with five of them last night. There wasn't a buck between them." (15:53) "PFC is not the highest rank... It's as high as you can go and still have friends." (16:17)
• Light romance and female military humor:
  • "Didn't your girlfriend Ruby join some branch of the service? ... No, Ruby's a sailor. She's on a boat." (16:25)
  • "Why don’t your wife go in the army?" "She could teach the commandos to fight dirty." (16:45)
• Physical humor:
  • "Tessie Tinfoil" has so many circles under her eyes, air gunners mistake her for a target. (17:22)

Military Routines & Dream Segments (17:27–22:23)

Costello (dreaming) as a Private

• Orders from the Colonel, mishap with bombsite:
  • "Okay sergeant, give me the bomb site." (19:46)
  • "Oops, I dropped it." – Costello, 19:58
  • "Now be careful with the private, cause that'll cost $10,000." – Abbott, 19:47
• Promotion Gag:
  • Abbott: "This may cost you your chance for promotion..." (20:20)
  • Costello: "I don't want the job anyway, too much responsibility. ... Besides, my cousin Hugo, he started in the army as a corporal... He was born with two stripes on him." (20:30)

Visit from the Colonel’s Daughter (20:44–22:17)

• Southern drawling humor and war satire:
  • "I'm the Colonel's daughter." (20:52)
  • "If you all live through the basic training he's going to see to it personally you all get right into the thick of the fighting right away." (21:20)
  • "He did mention Tokyo."
  • "I'm liable to get hurt over there... They're using real bullets!" (21:41)
  • "Daddy says the minute you land in Japan he's going to declare you an open city." (21:54)
  • "They don't recognize no open city. I'm liable to beat bombs." – Costello

MP Delivers the Final Joke (22:24–22:47)

• Costello hasn't reported for duty in 15 days:
  • "What are you gonna do about it?" – Costello
  • "Nothing. We just missed you, that's all," – MP (22:34)

Classic Closer

Blood Test Gag (22:53–23:05)

• Costello receives his blood test results:
  Abbott: "You've been turned down again."
  Costello: "By the Air Force?"
  Abbott: "No, by the Red Cross. They sent your blood back with this note... 'We need plasma, not asthma.'" (23:05)

Notable Quotes

• "That's the last time I'll ever kiss a whack in a jeep with a motor on it." — Costello, 02:39
• "He paid for a lower." — Abbott, 02:59
• "That Grand Canyon is a fake... There's nothing there but a big hole!" — Costello, 08:08
• "PFC is not the highest rank... It's as high as you can go and still have friends." — Costello, 16:17
• "We need plasma, not asthma." — Blood test note to Costello, 23:05

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Opening skit (horse and cowboy jokes): 02:39–06:00
• Grand Canyon & desert gags: 08:07–09:20
• Loan officer sketch/model home bit: 10:40–14:09
• Army life/pay grade comedy: 14:10–17:45
• Dream sequence (orders, promotions, Colonel's daughter): 17:27–22:23
• Blood test closer: 22:53–23:05

Memorable Moments & Tone

• Relentless wordplay, mistaken meanings, and Costello’s naive humor dominate, buoyed by Abbott’s straight-man exasperation.
• Costello’s failed attempts to act like a cowboy, misunderstanding military terms, and the endless confusion over army bureaucracy bring a classic sense of 1940s burlesque to life.
• The show radiates patriotic warmth while poking fun at the absurdities of military life, with gags tailored to amuse a barracks full of GIs and listeners at home alike.

"We need plasma, not asthma." – Letter to Lou Costello (23:05)

Summary

This episode of the Abbott & Costello Show is a vintage mix of slapstick, satire, and smart wordplay, transporting listeners back to the golden age of radio comedy. At the Davis-Monthan Air Base, the duo’s onstage chemistry keeps both soldiers and listeners laughing at the lighter side of wartime America. Whether riffing on the difficulties of cowboy life, poking fun at bureaucracy, or satirizing the challenges of military training, Abbott and Costello’s routines remain iconic examples of American humor at its best.