Abbott & Costello 47-12-31 (195) New Year's Eve

Summary

Podcast Summary: Abbott & Costello 47-12-31 (195) New Year's Eve

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
Original Air Date: December 31, 1947 (rebroadcasted December 31, 2025)
Episode Theme: New Year's Eve hijinks with Abbott & Costello

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Overview

This special New Year’s Eve episode from the legendary Abbott & Costello Show delivers a comedic take on ringing in 1948. With rapid-fire wordplay, classic slapstick, and musical interludes, Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Susan Miller, and Maddie Melnick’s orchestra celebrate and spoof New Year's resolutions, football, horoscopes, and family traditions. The episode offers listeners a window into the golden age of radio humor while keeping the atmosphere festive and light.

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Key Discussion Points & Comedy Segments

1. California and New Year’s Festivities

• Opening Banter: Lou Costello is delighted about California’s sunshine and bustling nightlife, setting up a slew of jokes about family and the holiday spirit.
  • “The sun is shining. The flowers and their buds, the bees and their honey. The cats and their honey.” (01:58, Costello) ABBOTT corrects him: “Cats don’t have any honey.”
• Family Celebration: Costello jokes about his family staying up to hear a factory whistle after a year and a half of unemployment.

2. Wordplay & Slapstick

• Champagne and Mistletoe Mix-ups: Costello confuses mum’s champagne with his mother and makes puns about “popping corks” and “loaded moms.”
  • “When you open the cork, pop. The champagne is mum and the cork pops.” (03:13, Costello)
• Sports Coat Joke: Abbott receives a short coat for Christmas; Costello ribbed him: “I thought it was a little too short for a bathrobe.”
• Morning Routine: Costello gives a comedic account of his daily routine, introducing more classic one-liners.
  • “My legs got so numb I had to pinch them to see if they were mine…my case comes up tomorrow.” (06:34, Costello)

3. Resolutions and Silliness

• Lou’s New Year’s Resolutions:
  • “Number one: Stop spending my money on girls. Number two: Stop flirting with girls. Number three: Stop necking with girls. Good. What’s number four? Ignore numbers one, two and three.” (18:32–19:24, Abbott & Costello)
• On giving up hard liquor:
  • “I know. That’s what makes it easy to give it up!” (08:35, Costello)

4. Susan Miller & Football Fools

• Susan Miller enters, playfully rebuffing Costello’s advances.
  • Quote:
    • Susan: “I might give you a good innocent kiss.” (09:28)
    • Costello: "No, what good are they?" (09:36)
• The Rose Bowl is lampooned with gags about crowded stands and football misunderstandings.
  • “I put on my Dick Tracy bag and grab the guy who fired the gun!” (12:04, Costello)
  • “What’s two feet to the halfback? … He could run through the rest of the game on his knees.” (13:38, Costello)

5. Horoscope and Astrology Segment

• Costello visits Madama Zaza (Susan Miller), who predicts his future with a blend of fortune-telling and slapstick.
  • “In your case, I will have to predict your future by the bumps on your head…” (24:35, Susan Miller as Zaza)
  • “You will meet a gorgeous blonde. She will hug you and kiss you… and then tell me more. Well, I can’t. You don’t have any more bumps!” (25:08, Miller & Costello)

6. New Year’s Eve Party Antics

• The show ends with Abbott & Costello improvising a party at a stranger’s house, tossing furniture out the window in rambunctious celebration.
  • “Come on, help me throw the sand out the window… Here she goes, Abbott. Boy, is this fun!” (26:58, Costello)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Resolutions:
  • Costello: “Why should I start a resolution? I’m satisfied with the government we got now.” (18:10)
• Football mix-ups:
  • Costello: “You grab what you like and I’ll grab what I like!” (11:55)
  • Abbott: “Now the quarterback makes a hole in the left guard...”
    Costello: “This is terrible. First the fullback kicks off, now someone puts a hole in the left guard!” (13:05–13:15)
• Horoscope Segment:
  • “How do you manage to accumulate such an abundance of ignorance?” – Abbott
    “I keep in touch with my congressman!” – Costello (22:16–22:20)
  • “If he’s sickle on the right side, it could be very dangerous. He might have a pentasicle.” (21:52, Costello)

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Detailed Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |--------------------------------------------|------------| | Opening California/New Year’s Banter | 01:58–04:08| | Abbott introduces local PDQ dealers | 04:08–05:18| | Lou’s alarm clock routine | 06:34–07:54| | Lou’s New Year’s Resolutions | 18:02–19:45| | Football Shenanigans | 11:35–14:29| | Horoscope visit with Madame Zaza | 23:46–26:07| | Chaotic New Year’s Eve party | 26:49–27:55| | Final New Year’s Greetings | 29:07–29:51|

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Characteristic Tone & Style

The episode is peppered with fast, vaudeville-style banter, wordplay, and gentle holiday ribbing. Abbott acts as the straight man, while Costello’s childlike innocence and literal misunderstandings fuel the humor. Susan Miller’s musical performance and roles in sketches bring variety to the format. The comedic tone remains warm, festive, and nostalgic throughout, with rapid transitions between sketch, song, and monologue.

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Conclusion

Abbott & Costello’s New Year’s Eve special encapsulates the charm and wit of radio’s golden age. The pair’s signature misunderstandings, peppered with pop culture references and slapstick wordplay, make for a timeless comedic celebration. Whether lampooning New Year’s traditions, sports, or astrology, the episode captures the playful spirit of ringing in a new year in classic radio style.

Final Words:
Costello: “A happy New Year to everybody, including my family... Happy New Year to everybody all over the world.” (29:31, Costello)

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For listeners seeking a blend of nostalgia, holiday cheer, and relentless gags, this episode is a perfect New Year’s treat.

Transcript

[Narrator/Advertiser]

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[Susan Miller]

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[Lou Costello]

Hey, Abbott, what time is it? It's eight o', clock, Costello. We're only here for PDQ gasoline here in Hollywood. Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go with the Abbott and Costell. Yes, it's the new transcribed Abbott and.

[Bud Abbott]

Costello show with their new singing discovery, Susan Miller and Maddie Melnick Orchestra. So hold on to your chairs, folks, for here they are, Bud Abbott and Lou Costnello.

[Lou Costello]

Well, here I am. Costello, what are you so happy about? Well, it's wonderful here in California, Abbott. The sun is shining. The flowers and their buds, the bees and their honey. The cats and their honey. Wait a minute, Costella. Cats don't have any honey. No. Then why does our cat stay out until 4 o' clock every morning? Never mind that. What are you doing with that knife and that gun stuck in your belt? Abbott, all California drivers carry a knife and gun. What for? So they can shoot up one street and cut down the other? Well, you better drive carefully tonight because it's New Year's Eve and the streets are very crowded. You're telling me. Coming down here, a girl, she blew a horn right in my ear. So what? Took me two years to get it out. Our whole family is going to stay up until midnight, Abbott, to welcome in the new year. No. None of them have worked in a year and a half and they want to hear what a factory whistle sounds like. Well, I suppose they'll all be celebrating tonight. Oh, indeed. All but my Uncle Mike. Aunt May made him sign the pledge. It was as easy as a twist of the wrist. Now how does he do it? He twisted his wrist. Hey, Abbott, what have you cut in a thick bottle? That's Mum's. All that champagne is Mum's. Certainly, Flora. Will your mum be loaded tonight? No, no, no. It's Mum champagne. That's the best kind. When you open the cork, pop. The champagne is mum and the cork pops. That. That's a pretty picture. Mom gets all the champagne and Pop winds up with the cork. Why didn't you come to my house tonight? Let me add it. I remember your party last year. What games we played, drawing pictures. And then. Hey, wait a minute. Remember how I drew a picture of a taxi cab on the wall? Yeah. And at 4 o' clock we all got in it and drove home. Will you keep. Will you keep quiet? Costello, that's enough from you. Give my friend here a chance at the microphone.

[Bud Abbott]

Like to bring you greetings and best wishes too from some men you ought to know. There's Jim Anderson up in San Francisco. George Clay, Los Angeles. Daniel Brenning in Walnut, California.

[Lou Costello]

And A.W.

[Bud Abbott]

Thornton out in Ontario. And then, too, there's Herman Geldo Apodaco in Cucamonga. And another Los Angeles man, Everett L. Miller. Who are they? Well, they're some of the new pdq. Independent dealers. Some automotive experts. Men who operate their own filling stations.

[Lou Costello]

Who decided the PDQ has the quality.

[Bud Abbott]

The reputation and the value they insist on giving their customers. That's why these new PDQ dealers, like so many before them, have decided to stake their personal business success on the PDQ name. We're proud to welcome these men into the PDQ family. More and more independent dealers are selecting PDQ as the gasoline to sell for. These men know that what's good for your car is good for their business. And they know that motorists get more for their money when they fill up with pdq. And now, Abbott and Costell.

[Lou Costello]

Costello. Costello, put that gun down. What's the idea of bringing that gun to the studio? Oh, that ain't a real revolver, Rabbit. It's a cigarette lighter. I'll tell you how it works. I'll put it. I'll put the cigar in my mouth and when I pull the cigarette, we'll light my cigar. Now, you'd better be careful. That's a pretty short cigar. Watch out for your nose. Don't worry. Oh, well, things don't smell too good around here any. What's the idea of having that big piece of that big piece of mistletoe pin on your hat? This is true. Yes, but I ain't yet, idiot. The old year passes out in just a few hours and you'll be far behind it. Oh, cut that out. Last year you beat it by eight lengths. What's that you've got on your hands? It's a meatless card from Feather McGee. What does it say? I don't know. You have to wax it three times a day for three months before the message comes out. That's it. Oh. Continue. Thank you. What are you made up for, Abbott? What thing you're wearing? Oh, it's a sport coat my wife gave me for Christmas. I thought it was a little too short for a bathroom. You don't guard yourself. You look tired, Lou. I am tired. The bus was so crowded I had to stand up all the way into Hollywood. You did? Yes. My legs got so numb I had to pinch them to see if they were mine. Is that so?

[Bud Abbott]

Yep.

[Lou Costello]

My case comes up tomorrow. That's no excuse for being late. Costella, what takes you so long to get here every week? What do you do in the morning? Oh, Evan, I'm a busy man. I'll give you a brief outline of a day in the life of Lou Costello. At 6 o', clock, my alarm clock rings. I jump up and shut it off. I said I shut it off. I said I shut it off. I know we're trying to keep down our budget on a show, but I think we could afford a better alarm. Never mind.

[Bud Abbott]

Go ahead.

[Lou Costello]

Go ahead. Quietly, I open the door of my room. Quickly. I close it. Get back in the room. What happened? I forgot to dress. After I finished dressing, I open the door again. What's the idea of all those locks and bolts on the door? I can't be too careful, Abbott. There's a gorgeous redheaded bubble dancer lives across the hall from me. And you put all those locks and bolts on your door? No, he did. Oh.

[Bud Abbott]

Continue.

[Lou Costello]

Go ahead. Well, I don't want to disturb anybody, so I tiptoe down the hall. I'm wearing my heavy underwear, you know. Now I sneak down the back stairs. What happened? There's no backstairs. I step outside into a typically beautiful California day. I forgot there was a slight far. All right, then what did you do? I strolled. I strolled leisurely down the street, tipping my hat to the left and right. I take up about 8 bucks that way every morning. Prada. You'd make a perfect mate for an idiot. Thanks, Abbott, but you'll have to ask my mother first. Priscilla, are you going to turn over? New leaf. This after this year, I won't say any more nasty things behind your Back. Oh, I'm glad to hear that. Hereafter I'm going to say them right to your face. And another thing, I'm giving up drinking hard liquor. You dummy, you don't drink hard liquor. I know. That's what makes it easy to give it up.

[Susan Miller]

Hello, boy.

[Lou Costello]

Well, it's Susan Miller. Hello, Susan. How are you? You look lovely tonight. Would you give me a kiss?

[Susan Miller]

Well, I might give you a good, innocent kiss.

[Lou Costello]

A what?

[Susan Miller]

A good, innocent kiss. Don't you know what good innocent kisses are?

[Lou Costello]

No, what good are they? Well, never mind that. Why don't you take. Why don't you take Susan to the Rose bowl tomorrow's? Costello, come on.

[Susan Miller]

Oh, no, thanks.

[Lou Costello]

All right, don't go to the game with me. Ah, that's no way to talk, Costello. After all, they only hold a Rose bowl game one day a year. Yes, and I found out why. Why it takes the other 364 days to get home.

[Susan Miller]

Oh, it isn't that crowded, Lewis.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, no. Two years ago, the people were packed in so tight that the girl next to me fainted. I picked her up in my arms and started for the exit. Yes, yes. Two first aid men rushed over to me and said, we'll take her. I says, oh, no, you don't. There's more in there. Go in and get your own. Well, see what you've done? You'll never go with yourself. Well, I'm going alone anyway. Abbott.

[Jerry (dog)]

A dog's love letter to his Squeaky avocado. Dearest Squeaky Avocado, my heart yearns to chew thee. Alas, I've devoured a small action figure and have taken ill, unable to partake in our jubilant squeakings. Worry not, as I am on the mend and Lemonade pet insurance covered 90% of the veterinarian's cost. I recommend all the cats and dogs of the land. Get a'@lemonade.com pet soon my tummy will be unburdened and we shall frolic once more. Yours, Jerry. New year, new vibe. You want the warmth of a drink, that smooth little kick. But you also want to wake up tomorrow feeling amazing. That's where RK Comes in. RK Is the world's first zero proof spirits brand. And they invented the War Molecule, giving you the burn of whiskey or tequila without a drop of alcohol. Start the year strong with 28 Bold zero proof spirits, zero calories, zero sugar, zero regrets, so you can celebrate big and still keep your resolutions on track. Start the year right. Join the Zero Proof Resolution at rkbeverages.com.

[Lou Costello]

I wouldn't miss that Rose bowl game for anything. You know, my whole family are football players. They are?

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, sure.

[Lou Costello]

My oldest brother was a fullback. My youngest brother was a tackle. And when I was born, my mother looked at me and said, pop, this is the end. I don't think you ever played football. Oh, no? I was captain of the Kookamunga Wash. Women. We were a scrub team. That must have been some football team. I'll say it was. We had the cutest little redhead cheerleader. Every Saturday when a game started, I would grab that little cheerleader and run down the field. Grab the cheerleader? Yeah, you're supposed to grab the ball. You grab what you like and I'll grab what I like. I'll ask you a few questions about football. Now, what team has the best line? Michigan. All right. Who has the best offensive? Theo Brennan. No, no, no. Who has the best offensive and who has the best back? Eddie Lamar Costella. Now, let's say you're in a game. The opening gun is fired and the pullback kicks off. What do you do? I put on my Dick Tracy bag and grab the guy who fired the gun. What's going on? You just said that some guy fired a gun and a fullback kicked off. I know I'm murdered when I see one. I'm. I'll forget him. Now that the team springs into action, the captain fades back to make a pass. That's a pretty sight. One of his best friends just kicked off and this guy starts a clap to his. Now they're in formation. The ball is stepped from center and the quarterback makes a hole in the left guard. This is terrible. First the fullback kicks off. Now somebody put a hole to the left guard. Abbott, call the FBI. Get the Lone Ranger. Get Jane Russell. What do you want with Jane Russell? You get her. I'll think of something. Godzilla. Keep your mind on in the football game now. Now the halfback tries a line back, plunge and loses two feet. And I suppose nobody worries about that either. Certainly not. What's two feet to the halfback? Well, I guess if he had to, he could run through the rest of the game on his knees. Don't worry. On the next play he gets those two feet back and probably a couple of more. Then he'll have four feet. Certainly. Brother, is he in trouble.

[Bud Abbott]

What do you mean?

[Lou Costello]

Have you tried to buy shoes lately? There's a game going on.

[Bud Abbott]

Look.

[Lou Costello]

Finally just in call. The players are refreshing themselves from the water bucket. What's so funny? The Tackle just stumbled and kicked the bucket. How can you stand there laughing when these four fellas are out there dying like pride? Let's get over the game. They're calling timeout again. Looks like trouble. Uhoh. What's the matter now? One of the fellas just sprained his little finger and his teammates are worried. This is serious. This is serious. So far, three guys have been slaughtered. Nobody says a word. All of a sudden, some sissy sprains his little finger. Everybody's running for the doctor. Wait a minute.

[Bud Abbott]

Wait a minute.

[Lou Costello]

The opposing team left the board and got it. And the end runs out and falls on the ball. Now the referee is running out. He's jumping up and down, waving his arms. That means the ball is dead. That did it, Abbott. I didn't say nothing when you said that the guy fired that gun and a poor fullback kicked off. I hold back my tears when a quarterback stabbed a hole into the left arch. I only sniffle a little when the halfback lost his two feet. And I tried to be brave when that tackle picked the bucket. But when you stand there and tell me that the poor little ball is dead, you have not only blackened the fair name of football, but you have passed aspersions on the clean American sports of Parcheesi, croquet, dominoes, not to mention skip the rope. There'll be more hijinks in a minute, folks, but first, a few remarks on another subject.

[Bud Abbott]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we pause in the midst of this gay hilarity to bring you word of the late, the scientific, the interesting and instructive aspect of what learned men of many leading institutions have called the internal combustion motor. And you, step in closer, please. Give those in a chance in the rear chassis. Now you, sir, is your tank low?

[Lou Costello]

Not you.

[Bud Abbott]

Lose the man in the purple coupe. Very well, sir. I have here an object that is 5,280ft long. It's called a mile. You will find two to six of these miles X. So once you understand, in each and every gallon of PDQ gasoline you buy. In the untutored mind, it is a feat of most uncommon magic that so many, many long and happy miles of motoring can be put into the small space of a single tank full of pdq. But get the windshield too loo. Scientific tests have shown time and again that the miracle men of PDQ have harnessed the energy of petroleum to give you more for your dollar. Don't take my word for it. Don't strain, feel, sniff, taste or listen for those extra PDQ Miles, just put a tank full in your car and watch. Observe closely and you shall see the extra PDQ mileage on your own spit order. Not an advertising stunt, not a special offer, but a bona fide of transaction between you and the independent PDQ Diva. PDQ gas is sold during the performance and afterwards at your neighborhood PDQ station. Kindly remain in your seats now by the Abbot and Costello show.

[Lou Costello]

And now here is vivacious Susan Miller.

[Susan Miller]

With Maddie Malnick and the orchestra. Medicine man I met said don't get yourself in a sweat when things look great you shrug and say it must have been some I saw it's your temper get her top hands. All you gotta do is just stop and pass that piece. I'd marry that hat you like the trunk Paul Chicka falls down a hoochie tipper wall. If you're feeling mad as a wet hen Mad as you can possibly get them past that teeth I may not find a whole life those years to make sure it's supposed to be don't betray me. Exciting delivery Strange. Fold that hanky and wipe off all of that war paint. And if you find yourself in a fury be your own judge and your own jury. Pass that peace like a bear that hatch you'd like to talk about Shadow Hoosierpaws.

[Lou Costello]

Do.

[Susan Miller]

Write that apology and when you call it. Grandpapa.

[Lou Costello]

Good old acquaintance the forgotten friends you hold so dear. When you hear the bells at 12 o' clock the Good Humor man is here. I'll talk with vanilla. All right, cut it out. Cut it out. Costella. Listen, when you cut it out, it's not cover cut. Come on in. It's not covert. Pocket it. Look now I want you to start the new year. I want you to start. Will you listen to me, please? I want you to start the new year with a resolution. I want you to start the new year with a resolution. Why? Why should I start a resolution? I'm satisfied with the government we got now. No, no. I mean, don't you want to start the new year with a clean sheet? Yes, and clean pillowcases too. I'm telling you about good resolutions, things you are going to do next year. Oh, them kind of resolutions? Yeah, I made a whole list of them. I wrote them down on a piece of paper first. I will not misplace anything. What's next? I don't know. I can't find the paper. Do you remember any, any more of them? Oh, yes. I promise to give up gambling. I'll never make another bet. You'll never stick to that how much you want to bet? I. And here's my list. Abbott resolution number one, stop spending my money on girls. Number two, stop flirting with girls. Number three, Stop necking with girls. Good. What's number four? Ignore numbers one, two and three. Dear dummy, you have nothing on your mind but girls. Were you out with a girl last night? No, I spent the evening at home. I lit a warm, cheery fire in my living room, but my landlord appeared. Why, I don't have a fireplace. Never mind that. What is that you have rolled up in your pocket there? It's a beautiful calendar for next year, Mr. Schultz. My butcher gave it to me. And look, it's got a picture of Mr. Schultz's grandfather on it. You idiot. That's a picture of all the time. See, he's got a long white beard and he's got a sickle in his hand. So you know what that sickle is for? To cut his beard? No, no. Whenever you see Father Time, you'll find the old man. Man sickle? The old man sickle? Certainly. Why don't they call a doctor? They shouldn't let an old man run around sickle. He's liable to catch the hoopl that could develop in the stocle of the knuckles. He'll wind up in a hospital. All right. Will you listen to me? The second Tokyo I'm talking about is the sight. Huh? It's a sight. What size? What size are you on my sight? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? You just said that the old man was sickle on the size. If he's sickle on the right size, it could be very dangerous. He might have a pentasicle. Oh, now look. Look. All the time in his sickle represents the old year. And this little baby's picture alongside him on the calendar is the new year years. Oh, Abbott, he's a cute little baby, but he certainly wears expensive clothes. Expensive clothes? Look at the price tag on his diaper. 1948. Calendar. And 1948 is a leap year in California. Every year is leap year A. I can see you don't look at the dates on that calendar. I can see you don't look at the pedestrians on Hollywood and Vine. Go. Other years. What makes it different? Well, it's the year when girls pursue the men. It's the year the girl chase men. It's the year when the girls trick the men into marrying them. Any questions? Yes. What makes it different? Sleep here comes once every four years. It's controlled by the stars. Have you ever studied the stars? Yes. Last night sally up in my backyard and look up at a big diaper. That. That's big. That's big dipper. You don't know the star. That's big diaper.

[Bud Abbott]

You don't know my backyard.

[Lou Costello]

All right, let's go back to the sickle. That was a good one. How do you manage to accumulate such an abundance of ignorance? I keep in touch with my congressman. Oh. Tonight is New Year's Eve. Now, what are your plans? I'm taking Ruby pool to you to a party. And we're going to play that new game I invented, Pony Express. How do you play Pony Express? Just like post office with a little more horsing around. You shouldn't run around with that. Their Ruby poop you. Why not, Bud? I took her to a party last night. And if it wasn't for Ruby, the party would have been a failure. Why? They couldn't find the bottle opener and she was the only girl there with buck teeth. Priscilla, why do you go steady with such a homely girl as Ruby? Homely girls are the best kind to go steady with. How do you figure that out? Some guy takes her away from me. I don't lose nothing. Ruby is not for you. She's uneducated. Oh, she is not. Ruby went to college. She went to Notre Dame. Now wait a minute. How could Ruby go to Notre Dame? That's a boys school, Abbott. If you play football, they don't ask no questions. You won't make any mistakes in the new year. I'm going to get you a horoscope. A what? A horoscope. You know, horoscope. I don't know horoscope, but I know it's about a horror type. Oh, come on. We're going to visit an astrologer and see what's in store for you for the coming years.

[Susan Miller]

You are in the presence of the great Madame Zazar.

[Lou Costello]

That's a funny name. Madam Ziza, I brought Castella here to get his horoscope for 1948.

[Susan Miller]

Very well. Now, Mr. Costello, tell me, what sign were you born under?

[Lou Costello]

What sign was I born under?

[Susan Miller]

That's right.

[Lou Costello]

This kid thinks I was born under a billboard. No, no, no, Estella. She's talking about a zodiac sign.

[Susan Miller]

Yes, what is your sign? Horus the Bull or Leo the Lion?

[Lou Costello]

Burma the she. Never mind that. Tell her what day you were born. Thursday. How do you know it was Thursday? Well, it's the next day we had fish. I.

[Susan Miller]

In your case, I will have to predict your future by the bumps on Your head?

[Lou Costello]

But I ain't got no bumps on my head.

[Susan Miller]

I will now predict your future by the bumps on your head. In 1948. You will be very lucky. You're a good businessman.

[Lou Costello]

He's right, Abbott. Madame Zeza, I would have been a wealthy man today except for one thing.

[Susan Miller]

Oh, what's that?

[Lou Costello]

I never had any money. Please finish reading the bumps on Castella's head. That was the funny one. Hold your head down. Go ahead, read those bumps. Venom. Zaza.

[Susan Miller]

This bomb shows me that you will meet a gorgeous bomb. And this bomb shows me that she will hug you and kiss you and hug you and kiss you.

[Lou Costello]

And then tell me more.

[Susan Miller]

Well, I can't. You don't have any more bumps.

[Lou Costello]

Madame Zaza, hit me once more.

[Susan Miller]

Right now. I can see your character. You are a very shy and bashful boy, Costello.

[Lou Costello]

Shy and bashful. She's right, Abbot. I never told you this. I'm so bashful, I keep the fur in my room turned toward the wall. Why? So its drawers won't. I would rather go back to sickle. All right, never mind the sickle. Enough of this. Madam Zaza, what does Cassell owe you for the reading?

[Susan Miller]

$10. But if he pays me $20, I'll give him a lucky gypsy trinket.

[Lou Costello]

Okay, here's the $20.

[Susan Miller]

And here's your trinket.

[Lou Costello]

Hey. Hey, this is nothing but a glass of water.

[Susan Miller]

Well, go ahead.

[Lou Costello]

And, Abbott, I think that Madame Zaza's nuts. Did you notice all the geranium she had? Well, that's nothing. Lots of people have geranium growing out of their heads. Oh, come on. Let's walk back to town. I suppose you're going to Ruby's party. No, I'm going to stick with you, Abbott. We'll have a big New Year's Eve. Now, that's fine. Hey, Abbott. Hey, Abbott. The people in that house, are they having a doozy of a party? Come on, let's practice. Come on. We can have a lot of fun. Hello, boys. Come on in. Enjoying the fun?

[Susan Miller]

Hey, we're brushing up the joint tonight.

[Lou Costello]

Whoopee. Hey. Hey, whose house is this? I don't know. I just got here myself. Hey, come here. Help me throw the sand out the window.

[Susan Miller]

Come on, let's move.

[Lou Costello]

Okay. Here she goes, Amit. Boy, is this fun. Come on. Here. Move the slap out the window. Whoopee. Hey. Hey, give me the lamp. Happy New Year. A lamp like that at your house? Don't stop me, Abbott. I'm rolling. Here goes the sofa. Hey, hey, Abbott, come on, let's rip the pictures off the wall. Hey, what do you know? Here's a picture of me.

[Susan Miller]

Me. Happy new year, everybody.

[Bud Abbott]

The boys will be back in just.

[Lou Costello]

A few seconds, folks, but first we want you to to hear this tonight.

[Bud Abbott]

We bring you the only commercial you'll hear this New Year's Eve that is not flavored with odd Lang zines. This one is to be flavored with PDQ mileage stretching gasoline. Now, we'll forgive you your past purchases of the.

[Lou Costello]

Well, other brands.

[Bud Abbott]

No, no, no more for me, thank you. And we'll turn over a new leaf.

[Lou Costello]

A PDQ leaf. No, no, I'm doing fine things.

[Bud Abbott]

And beginning tomorrow, or maybe the day after, we expect you to drive into the neighborhood PDQ service station and fill her up.

[Lou Costello]

No, no, really, I'm quite happy.

[Bud Abbott]

Fill her up with that superb power, that traditional extra mileage, that dependable service which have made PDQ gasoline and the independent service station men who sell it the favorites of so many motorists lo these many years.

[Lou Costello]

And you want to know something else?

[Bud Abbott]

This old world would be a better.

[Lou Costello]

Place if more people use PDQ gasoline. That's what.

[Bud Abbott]

Okay, now, just one lump. Now, I think we're probably running a little late tonight, so you may or may not hear 1947 final thing of the Abbott and Costello Show. Let's stick around, find out.

[Lou Costello]

Here are Abbott and Costello with our final words. Well, Costello, in a few hours we'll be starting a new year. 1948. And I want you to save your money. Now. Next year I will have it. I'll start right now. Saving on stamps for New Year's cards. I'm sending my greetings right now. A happy New Year to everybody, including. Including my family. Your family. Joe Boo, Mary Bozo, Uncle Ay Sten, Aunt May and Uncle Mike. My mother. My happy New Year in the world. Happy New Year to everybody all over the world. Wednesday night at this time for another.

[Bud Abbott]

Great Amberlynn Costello show, produced and transcribed in Hollywood by Charles Banda and featuring Susan Miller and Maddie Melnick's orchestra. This is Michael Roy saying goodbye until the same time next Wednesday. This is abc, the American broadcast.