Podcast Episode Summary

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Abe Burrows Show – “Abe Talks About Being Bald” (Originally aired 47-09-06)
Release Date: December 3, 2025
Host: Abe Burroughs (original broadcast)
Theme: A witty, music-filled journey through self-deprecating humor, parody songs, and satirical takes on radio, hair loss, fashion, and pop culture of the late 1940s.

Episode Overview

In this lighthearted and sharply comedic episode, Abe Burroughs delivers a blend of self-mockery and playful musical parodies, muses on his baldness, lampoons fashion and advertising, and pokes fun at radio conventions. With a mixture of original comic songs and banter, the episode gives a delicious taste of mid-century radio humor and rapid-fire wit.

Key Discussion Points & Notable Segments

1. Abe’s Introduction and Self-Deprecating Humor

• [00:10–01:46]

  • Abe opens with a comedic CV, claiming authorship of goofy-sounding ballads like “I’m Always Chasing Rainbows Because I Never Seem to Meet Any Girls.”
  • He addresses frequent listener questions about what he looks like, jokingly refusing to describe himself:
    • "I guess I could tell you exactly what I look like. But I think that’s a lousy thing to say about a guy." (Abe, 00:32)
  • Admits he’s bald and doesn’t have a mustache:
    • "No mustache, no hair. It’s a set." (Abe, 00:55)

• Original Joke: Abe claims he enjoys being bald and pitches a mock product:

  • "It’s a revolutionary new tonic called Sta. Bald. Prevents the growth of unsightly hair. On the head." (Abe, 01:19)
  • Visually, he jokes his haircut makes him look “like a man who has spent several hours in a pencil sharpener.” (Abe, 01:35)

2. Comic ‘Apologetic’ Love Song

• [01:53–03:18]
  • Abe introduces and performs a melodramatic (and intentionally ridiculous) love song, parodying the “I’m sorry” genre:
    • "I didn’t mean it when I slugged you, darling. I didn’t mean to hit you with that chair." (Abe, 02:28)
    • "If I broke your head last night, it’s just because I love you most." (Abe, 03:05)
  • After the song, Abe quips: “That number ought to be called and the band Dade played on.” (Abe, 03:18)

3. Songwriting Ideas & Fashion Satire

• [03:26–05:44]
  • Briefly riffs on a musical idea inspired by President Truman’s trip to Rio:
    • "While the rumba band played Mama Yo Quiero, we danced the Missouri Waltz." (Abe, 03:45)
  • Lampoons women’s fashion trends and magazine advertising, mocking poetic ad copy:
    • "All those magazines that are filled with spinach but a modern tomato." (Abe, 04:41)
    • "We took some twinkling stardust from the skies… and blended them together to make these lovely Miss America galoshes." (Abe, 04:57)
  • Jokes about the era’s obsession with new shapes and corsets:
    • “It’s easy to have a wasp-like waist. Just get yourself one of these heavenly new tiny corsets made of shimmering stainless steel. This corset will give you that lovely wasp waist forever. Because it’s welded on.” (Abe, 05:25–05:35)

4. South American Song Parody: “Bela Lugo Si”

• [05:51–07:36]
  • Performs a musical parody blending Latin American clichés and movie monster references (Bela Lugosi):
    • "You called me Tico, and I called you Chico, although you had a mustache like Groucho." (Abe, 07:00)
  • The refrain: “Bela Lugo, Si in the Argentine means let me hold you in my arms and bold you. Stop the siesta, time for fiesta.” (Abe, 07:18–07:22)

5. Gypsy Dance Interlude & Musical Performance

• [07:39–10:00]
  • Announcer introduces “the wild, carefree rhythms of the gypsy dance” with Horus Dicata, played by Milton Delug’s Romany Quartet.
  • After the music, Abe deadpans:
    • “I was right. I was right. I was right. It can’t be played on the accordion.” (Abe, 09:55)
  • Compliments the band: “That was quite splendid, Milt. I’d call it extremely good. Some people might even call it Horus de Gana.” (Abe, 10:00)

6. Sea Song & Tunnel of Love Gag

• [10:00–12:54]
  • Abe lampoons sea ballads and chanteys, with surreal imagery and goofy sound effects.
  • Jokes about having only sailed “52 times through the Tunnel of Love. 40 of those trips were without a girl.” (Abe, 10:31)
  • The sea song, joined by the announcer, is filled with purposely bungled nautical jargon and cheerful absurdity:
    • "Anchors away in the morn." (Announcer, 11:06)
    • "Oh, there’s nothing, nothing, nothing like the sailor’s life. The sailor’s life is grand. Oh, I’d never give up the sea unless you offered me a job on land." (Announcer, 11:57–12:11)

7. Show Announcements & Close

• [12:55–13:27]
  • Abe announces a guest spot with Henry Morgan and invites New Yorkers to attend next week’s live broadcast:
    • “If any of you people who live there or nearby would like to come see the show, we’d love to have you – just write to the A Burrow Show…care of CBS New York City. Hope you can come. If you don’t, I’ll be hurt.” (Abe, 12:56–13:19)
  • Playful close with:
    • "So the rest of you people in the radio audience – we’ll be calling on you next week, same time, same station, with some new type things. See you then." (Abe, 13:22–13:27)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On baldness:

  • "No mustache, no hair. It’s a set." (Abe, 00:55)
  • "I kind of give the impression of a man who has spent several hours in a pencil sharpener." (Abe, 01:35)

• On advertising:

  • "We took some twinkling stardust from the skies... and blended them all together to make these lovely Miss America galoshes." (Abe, 04:57)

• On fashion:

  • "It’s easy to have a wasp-like waist. Just get yourself one of these heavenly new tiny corsets made of shimmering stainless steel." (Abe, 05:25–05:27)
  • "This corset will give you that lovely wasp waist forever. Because it’s welded on." (Abe, 05:35)

• On sea travel:

  • "My actual sailing experience has consisted of sailing 52 times through the Tunnel of Love. But to prove I really love sailing, 40 of those trips were without a girl." (Abe, 10:31)

• On radio performance and the audience:

  • “Hope you can come. If you don’t, I’ll be hurt.” (Abe, 13:19)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Abe’s baldness & self-description: 00:25–01:46
• “Apology” love song parody: 01:53–03:18
• Fashion magazine jokes & ad poetry: 04:24–05:44
• Latin/South American parody song (“Bela Lugo Si”): 05:51–07:36
• Gypsy dance/accordion performance: 07:39–10:00
• Sea chantey segment: 10:00–12:54
• Audience invitation & upcoming guest spot: 12:55–13:19

Final Thoughts

Abe Burroughs’ episode masterfully showcases his gentle, sarcastic take on everything from baldness to feminine fashion and sappy love songs. His delivery is brisk, dry-witted, and tinged with just the right amount of absurdity, making this a prime example of “Golden Age” radio comedy at its finest. Rich with jokes that still land, the episode offers a fast-paced, engaging snapshot of a comedic era when the radio was the stage for America’s best entertainers.

Perfect For:
Fans of vintage radio comedy, lovers of rapid-fire wit, anyone interested in postwar American pop culture, or listeners looking for a fun, clever escape.