Amos & Andy - Andy Gets Engaged

Summary

Podcast Summary: Amos & Andy – "Andy Gets Engaged"

Harold's Old Time Radio | Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
Original Airdate: March 25, 2026
Featured Characters: Andy Brown, Kingfish, Mrs. Hortense Thompson, Gertrude Thompson, Sapphire, Calhoun

---

Episode Overview

This episode of "Amos & Andy" captures the classic comic misadventures of Andy Brown as he inadvertently finds himself engaged—not to a young sweetheart, but to her mother—thanks to a riot of misunderstandings and witty banter. Through a series of characteristic mix-ups and comedic exchanges, the show explores themes of courtship, generational gaps, and the consequences of haste in matters of the heart.

---

Key Discussion Points & Plot Highlights

1. Andy’s Courtship with Gertrude Thompson

• [00:45–03:38]
  • Andy Brown is smitten with young Gertrude Thompson, who is much younger than him.
  • After sharing a dinner and dishwashing, Andy nervously asks for Mrs. Thompson's help retrieving his cigar butt from the garbage disposal—setting a tone of awkward yet endearing courtship.
  • Andy and Gertrude discuss marriage, leading to flirtatious banter:

    "You got a short sleeve dress on, sir. Would you mind reaching down in the garbage disposal and fishing out my cigar butt?" — Andy ([01:24])

  • Gertrude playfully investigates what kind of husband Andy might make, and he tries to charm her, humorously declaring he's ready for marriage:

    "Now that I reached my maternity." — Andy ([02:00])

2. Kingfish's Wisecracks and Warnings

• [03:20–06:38]
  • Kingfish, Andy’s perennial friend and advisor, reacts skeptically to Andy’s talk of matrimony, likening marriage to a doomed charge:

    "The only difference between marriage and them fellows that made the charge of the Light Brigade into the valley of death is them boys had a horse to make the trip easier." — Kingfish ([03:30])

  • Andy cleans out mementos from past romances in preparation for a fresh start.
  • Kingfish raises concerns about the age difference between Andy and Gertrude.
  • Andy shows Kingfish an engagement ring, proudly, though the diamond is barely visible:

    "Now if you crouched down there and squint at it in the light, you can see it." — Andy ([06:29])

3. The Mix-up Is Revealed to the Audience

• [07:05–08:49]
  • In conversation with Sapphire and Mrs. Hortense Thompson, Kingfish learns Gertrude never intended Andy for herself—she's looking for a husband for her mother.
  • The misunderstandings draw parallels to comic mishaps:

    "This is the biggest mistake since the captain of the Titanic said, look at that big white cloud off the port bow." — Kingfish ([08:49])

4. The Engagement Misfire: Andy Proposes to the Wrong Woman

• [11:22–14:47]
  • Andy, expecting to propose to Gertrude, instead finds himself alone with Mrs. Hortense Thompson.
  • Mrs. Thompson believes Andy’s proposal is for her, enthusiastically accepting and planning their future together.
  • Andy is bewildered and tries, awkwardly, to maintain decorum:

    "Well, now, wait a minute here... as long as Gertrude ain't here, suppose we just shake hands, slap each other on the back and call it." — Andy ([14:50])

5. The News Spreads—and Andy is Trapped

• [16:14–18:09]
  • Kingfish reads aloud the official engagement announcement:

    "Ms. Gertrude Thompson announces the engagement of her mother, Mrs. Hortense Thompson to Mr. Andrew H. Brown of the city." ([16:36])

  • Andy panics upon realizing everyone, including the press, believes he's engaged to Hortense.

6. Kingfish's Scheme to Break the Engagement

• [21:53–27:03]
  • Calhoun, the lawyer, recalls a similar predicament, but his tale involves a fatal outcome, prompting Andy to seek another solution.
  • Kingfish concocts a plan: paint Andy as a dangerous criminal so Mrs. Thompson will break off the engagement.
  • In a hilarious bit, Kingfish tells Mrs. Thompson that Andy is a psychopathic "trunk murderer," inventing aliases like "Hacksaw Harry" and "Screwy Louie":

    "I'm afraid I must tell you that I am suspicious that your sweet, kind, lovable fiancé is a psychopathic killer." — Kingfish ([24:47])
    "If in the next few days Andy say to you, honey, let's play trunky wonky, be on your guard." — Kingfish ([26:26])

  • The ruse works, and Mrs. Thompson abruptly calls off the wedding.

7. Aftermath and Comic Fallout

• [27:31–28:21]
  • Andy and Kingfish reflect on the mess, Andy preparing to leave town until things settle.
  • Andy bemoans his bad luck with love:

    "Oh yeah, Amos, look what lovers done to me. I tell you, if I ever meet up with that fella Dan Cubert, I'm going to jam that bow and arrow right down his throat." — Andy ([28:21])

8. The Unintended Consequences

• [28:56–30:13]
  • A police lieutenant visits Andy after a report about the "trunk murderer," but after clarifications and continued misunderstandings, confusion reigns.
  • The episode ends in typical Amos & Andy fashion—with the mix-up unresolved and the main characters left to reflect on their misadventures.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Andy describes his love life:

  "Thing is, I ain't never been fat up with them the way they've been fetched up with me." ([01:43])

• On marriage and age:

  "In 20 years you'll be 67 and she'll be 40. What is she going to do then?" — Kingfish ([05:13])
  "Even if she is an old woman, I'm going to stick by her." — Andy ([05:21])

• The jewel of the ring:

  "I got it this afternoon. Let me open the box... Now if you crouched down there and squint at it..." — Andy ([06:13], [06:29])

• Kingfish’s Titanic zinger:

  "This is the biggest mistake since the captain of the Titanic said, look at that big white cloud off the port bow." ([08:49])

• Kingfish’s criminal caution:

  "If in the next few days Andy say to you, honey, let's play trunky wonky, be on your guard." ([26:26])

• On breaking off an engagement:

  "When a woman done invited all the relatives, hired the preacher and bought the wedding gown, that ain't no time to test her sense of humor." — Andy ([27:40])

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:45 – Andy’s budding romance with Gertrude
• 03:20 – Kingfish and Andy discuss marriage, memorabilia
• 05:13 – The age gap debate
• 06:13 – The “diamond” engagement ring scene
• 07:05–08:49 – Revealing the mix-up to the audience
• 11:22 – Andy visits Mrs. Thompson’s house, prepares to propose
• 16:14 – The engagement hits the papers
• 21:53 – Seeking Calhoun’s help, planning the criminal ruse
• 24:47–26:40 – Kingfish warns Mrs. Thompson about the “trunk murderer”
• 27:31 – Mrs. Thompson calls off the engagement
• 28:56 – Police visit; further confusion

---

Overall Tone & Style

True to the original series, the episode is loaded with wordplay, comedic timing, and farcical misunderstandings. Kingfish dispenses tongue-in-cheek wisdom and sharp jibes while Andy careens between hope and despair. The humor is broad, playful, reliant on reversals and outlandish schemes, and delivered in the distinctive, rhythmic dialects characteristic of the show's era.

---

Conclusion

"Andy Gets Engaged" is a quintessential Amos & Andy farce, hinging on confusion, romantic blunders, and Kingfish’s comedic scheming. While dated by modern standards, the episode showcases classic Golden Age of Radio humor with its blend of lively banter, escalating absurdity, and enduring vaudevillian charm. Fans of radio's heyday will appreciate the nostalgic whirlwind of misunderstandings and witty repartee.

Transcript

[Bleacher Report Announcer]

The Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA is heating up, March Madness is here and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report app. For me it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real time scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment.

[Kingfish]

Radio's all time favorites, Freeman Gosden and Charles Corral. Amos and Andy.

[Andy Brown]

Well, about a week ago, Andy Brown met a young girl, Gertrude Thompson. Despite the fact that she's years younger than Andy, he's taken quite an interest in her. They've been out dancing to the theater together. And tonight Gertrude has had Andy up to her house for a quiet little dinner alone. Right now dinner is over and Andy is helping Gertrude wash the dishes. Gertrude, could I ask you something?

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Of course, Mr. Brown. What is it?

[Andy Brown]

You won't get mad or nothing, will you?

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Of course not.

[Andy Brown]

And you ain't gonna think I is forward, is you?

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Not at all. What is it?

[Andy Brown]

Well, you got a short sleeve dress on, sir. Would you mind reaching down in the garbage disposal and fishing out my cigar butt?

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Tell me something Mr. Brown. You've never been married?

[Andy Brown]

No, it ain't. Cause I ain't had a lot of chances. Plenty of gals has been infatuated with me. Thing is, I ain't never been fat up with them the way they've been fetched up with me.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

But someday you'll find the right girl and settle down, won't you?

[Andy Brown]

Oh Jo, I plan to get married and settle down one of these days. Now that I reached my maternity.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Well, Mr. Brown, if you ever do get married, have you any idea who it would be?

[Andy Brown]

Well, I always figured it'd be a woman. But tell me Gertrude, did you ever think of what kind of husband I'd make?

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Well, to tell you the truth, Andy, that's the reason I've gone out with you so much and had you up here to dinner to find out what kind of husband you'd make?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah? And just what is the verdict, my cutie patootie?

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Well, I think you're very sweet, Andy. And that you'd make a wonderful husband.

[Andy Brown]

Hot dog.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Yes, Andy, you're so charming and friendly and sweet and affectionate and cheerful.

[Andy Brown]

No.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Andy, what's wrong?

[Andy Brown]

Nothing.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Then. Then what are you prodying for?

[Andy Brown]

You Forgot, handsome.

[Kingfish]

So, Andy, look like you're going to take the futile step, huh?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yeah, that Gertrude is pretty interested in me. But don't talk like that, Kingfish. Marriage ain't bad.

[Kingfish]

Well, now, listen, Andy. The only difference between marriage and them fellows that made the charge of the Light Brigade into the valley of death. Here's the dem boys had a horse to make the trip easier. Tell me this, what are you doing with all this junk here in your room? Spring cleaning. Here, what is it?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, no, no. I'm throwing out all these pimentos I got from gals in the past year. With Gertrude talking about marriage, I wouldn't want her to never see none of this stuff.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, you sure got a lot of stuff, gals and the pairs you're in.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yeah, look at here. There's old dance car card, a college pennant, a rose, and this glove. Oh, boy, I got that from Tilly Mafield.

[Kingfish]

Hey, wait a minute, Andy. What kind of a glove is this?

[Andy Brown]

That's a second baseman's m. Tilly was a star with the girl softball team.

[Kingfish]

Whatever happened to Tilly?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, I tried to get to second base one night and she throwed me out in the outfield. Look here, Kingfish. A perfumed handkerchief that smells like real

[Kingfish]

French perfume there, boy.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yeah, that was Gwendolyn Parker. She always wore that French perfume. She worked for a bacon company. Boy, I was crazy about her. She smelled like a cross between the streets of Paris and the National Biscuit Company. Say, tell me something. They take that perfume from whales, don't they?

[Kingfish]

Sorta. Say, Andy, but I see the dead whale once on the beach of Coney island. And believe me, if that whale ever had any perfume, they never should have took it away from him.

[Andy Brown]

Boy,

[Kingfish]

Andy, there's just one thing about this Gertrude. Ain't there a big difference in your ages? After all, she's about 20 and you was 47.

[Andy Brown]

Well, what about it?

[Kingfish]

Well, don't you realize, Andy? In 20 years you'll be 67 and she'll be 40. What is she going to do then?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, she ain't got nothing to worry about, even if she is an old woman. I'm going to stick by her,

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

You know.

[Kingfish]

Come to think already, I guess it's gonna take more than them very cool as veins of that goat the slow. We love a boy like you down.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yeah?

[Kingfish]

Yeah. When they finally put you away, they better not have no woman. Paul Barrels, you liable to come right out that box for us.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yeah. Gertrude is the only gal for me Kingfisher Gertrude Thompson.

[Kingfish]

Oh yeah. You know, I think Sapphire know her. Yeah, ain't her mama that old gal in the woman's club?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, yeah, that's right. I ain't met the mama yet. She was out the other night. But King Fish, I called Gertrude and I'm going up to see her tonight. I'm planning on popping the question. Hey, look at this box here. Look at this.

[Kingfish]

Well, well, well. You look like you got the ring and everything.

[Andy Brown]

Oh yeah, boy, I got it this afternoon. Let me open the box. Look at that. Ain't that a beauty.

[Kingfish]

Say, there's a nice settin there. All right. When you gonna have the diamond put in?

[Andy Brown]

What you mean? The diamond is in there? Kingfish, you gotta look at it just right. Look here, look here. Now if you crouched down there and squint at it in the light, you can see it.

[Kingfish]

Let me look down here. Come on, let's get. Oh yeah, yeah. Something just winked at me there. I see the thing.

[Andy Brown]

It's there. Kingsf.

[Kingfish]

Well, good luck to you tonight, Andy. But I got an idea. At your engagement party there's going to be a lot of crouching and squinting.

[Andy Brown]

Boy.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

George, what's this about Andy and young Gertrude Thompson?

[Kingfish]

That's right, Sapphire. Andy's going up to see her tonight and pop the question.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Oh, this whole thing is ridiculous. A young girl like me. Wait till I tell Mama. She's a friend of Ms. Thompson's and I know she'll think it's the worst thing ever. Is that bald headed bandy legged ninpa poop guy. Oh, hello Joan. I didn't see you there.

[Kingfish]

Mama. If they ever hold the primaries for the pickle of the year, you is going to get the biggest right in vote in history.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

None of that, George. Say Mama, did you hear the news that Andy Brown is proposing to young Gertrude Thompson? Now what is that big loafer doing that for?

[Kingfish]

Cause the gal is interested in him. She went out with him, she had him up for dinner, talked to him about, asked him what kind of a husband he'd make. Naturally he's gonna prepose to her after that.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Why dat poor fool Gertrude ain't interested in him as a husband for herself.

[Kingfish]

How you know that? Now wait a minute. Now what has she been leading him on for?

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

She's interested in Andy Brown as a

[Kingfish]

husband for her mama. What are you talking about, her mama?

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Well, I'm. I'm just telling you. I had lunch with Ms. Thompson yesterday. She told me all about it. She been looking for her husband for the past six months she had trouble. Cause she's such a big fat horse.

[Kingfish]

Takes one to know one.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

What?

[Kingfish]

I ain't said nothing.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Now her daughter's been out trying to get her husband for. Now, ain't this something? That Andy Brown is on his way up there to propose to the daughter tonight.

[Kingfish]

Holy mackerel. What that poor boob is walking into. This is the biggest mistake since the captain of the Titanic said, look at that big white cloud off the port bow.

[Andy Brown]

Amos and Andy will be back in a moment. Meanwhile, here's music by the Four Knights.

[Four Knights (Singer)]

Come to me, my melancholy baby.

[Kingfish]

Cuddle up and don't be blue. All your fears are foolish fancy maybe you know, dear that I'm in love with you.

[Four Knights (Singer)]

Every cloud must have a silver light

[Andy Brown]

so wait until the sun shines

[Kingfish]

Smile,

[Four Knights (Singer)]

my honey dear While I kiss one way each tear or else I shall be in the. Now every cloud must have Wait, just wait, just wait Just wait till the sun shines through. Come here and smile, honey dear Let me kiss away both those tears or else I shall be melancholy too. So smile, honey dear While I kiss the way he's dear or else I shall be.

[Andy Brown]

Well, here's Ger's house. I'll ring the bell. Oh, be still my pounding heart. You was about to see the fairest creature in the world.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Yes? May I help you?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah. Excuse me, mister. Is the lady the house in?

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

I'm the lady of the house. Oh, I'm Mrs. Thompson.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, excuse me. Yeah. See, I see the lights. I. I couldn't see so well. You see, I is andy Brown.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Oh, Mr. Brown. Come in.

[Kingfish]

Yes, ma'.

[Andy Brown]

Am. Thank you.

[Kingfish]

Thank you.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

You know, Mr. Brown, my daughter thought so much meat about you. Won't you come in the living room?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah. Say, where's Gertrude? She upstairs getting dressed or something?

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Oh, no, Gertrude went out.

[Andy Brown]

Gertrude went out? Well, I told her I was coming.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Yeah, but she thought we'd like to be alone. She thought there might be something you wanted to ask me.

[Andy Brown]

Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah. Ask the mama. Yeah, that's cuz.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Murray, won't you sit down here on the sofa?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, sure. Where are you going to sit?

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Right here with you.

[Andy Brown]

Well, I guess if we both exhaled, we can make it now.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

There we are. Oh, these lights are so bright. I'll dim them.

[Andy Brown]

Is that better? Yes. I can hardly see at all now.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Now, now. What is it you want to tell me, Andy?

[Andy Brown]

Well, Mrs. Thompson or not Mrs. Thompson.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Hortense.

[Andy Brown]

Well, Hortense, I've been out with your daughter and we as recused marriage. I suppose you know why I was here tonight. To pop the question.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Oh, Auntie.

[Andy Brown]

Well, I. Hortense, would you mind not taking such deep breath as you was Practically inhaled me off the sofa.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Andy, you folk shoes.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well, thank you. I guess you know from your daughter how serious I is. Well, tonight I done brought a ring.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Oh, a ring. Let me see it.

[Andy Brown]

Well, wait a minute. Don't you think we ought to wait for Gertrude?

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Oh, I can show that to her later. Let me see it.

[Andy Brown]

Well, okay. There you is, Hortense. Engagement ring.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Oh, Andy, how wonderful. Wait until Gertrude season.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Oh, everything's just gonna be perfect. We'll be so happy. We gonna have a wonderful honeymoon.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, we're gonna wait. You is counting on coming along?

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Well, of course, silly.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but what about Gertrude?

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Oh, you stay right here in New York.

[Andy Brown]

In New York?

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Yeah. You can drop a postcard here and there along the way.

[Andy Brown]

I waited all these years and now I'm gonna wind up with postcards.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Oh, Amy, I'm so happy about this engagement. Oh, let's seal it with a kid.

[Andy Brown]

Well, now, wait a minute. Wait, wait a minute here. I know that you as an affectionate family, but I don't think we ought to go overboard here.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Well, then let's seal it with a hug.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, no, no. Look, look, Ms. Thompson, as. As long as Gertrude ain't here, suppose we just shake hands, slap each other on the back and call it.

[Kingfish]

Oh, come in, brother. Andy. You know, I thought you was going to run into a mess last night at Ms. Thompson's house.

[Bleacher Report Announcer]

But I see the Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA is heating up, March Madness is here and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report Apple. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real time. Scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment. The Global Gaming League is presented by Atlas Earth, the fun cashback app. Hey, it's Howie Mandel and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my Howie do it Gaming team take on Gilly the King and Wallow $267 million gaming in an epic Global Gaming League video game showdown. Plus a halftime performance by Mult multi platinum artist Travy McCoy. Watch all the Action and see who wins and advances to the championship match right [e-mail] that's globalgamingleague.com in partnership with Level Up Expo Newspapers.

[Kingfish]

That worked out fine.

[Andy Brown]

What you mean, King, Babe?

[Kingfish]

Well, I was here to switching horses in midstream, but I never heard of someone jumping from a shuttle and pulling it to a rhinoceros before.

[Andy Brown]

What is you talking about, King?

[Kingfish]

Well, it's right here in the paper on the society page about your engagement.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, oh yeah, Gertrude's mama done put it in the paper already, huh?

[Kingfish]

Yeah, it's in you. And let me read it to you. See here, Ms. Gertrude Thompson announces the engagement of her mother, Mrs. Hortense Thompson to Mr. Andrew H. Brown of the city.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well you see, when I. I say kingfish in that sentence you just read there, didn't you put the predicator before the subjective or throw in a rhetoric adenoid there someplace or something.

[Kingfish]

Oh, and you see here, Ms. Gertrude Thompson announces the engagement of her mother, Mrs. Horton.

[Andy Brown]

Hold it, Kingfish, hold it. Call the newspaper. They got a type of geographical error there.

[Kingfish]

Well, it ain't no error. Ain't it? This is in all the newspapers.

[Andy Brown]

Wait a minute now, wait. Maybe I just don't understand this newspaper wording Kingfish. In that announcement the language boils down to the fact that somebody is engaged, don't it?

[Kingfish]

You was coming on to be Amanda.

[Andy Brown]

And one of them persons is Andrew H. Brown.

[Kingfish]

That's me, Amos still on the beam. And.

[Andy Brown]

And the person Andrew H. Brown is engaged to is Ms. Gertrude Thompson, ain't it?

[Kingfish]

Son, you just nose dived into the hangar. You were scheduled to do your formation flying with an old seagull boy.

[Andy Brown]

Now wait a minute here. Wait. This couldn't happen. Call my lawyer. I'm going to sue the newspaper. I got to sue everybody. I've been framed.

[Kingfish]

Well, calm down now and calm down nothing.

[Andy Brown]

How could I go up there to pre the daughter and wind up engaged to the mother?

[Kingfish]

Yeah, well Andy, there's very few persons in the world that could do a thing like that. And all the others I can think of is under lock and key.

[Andy Brown]

Hey, fish, give me that phone. I'm gonna call Mrs. Thompson and tell her this is all a mistake.

[Kingfish]

Well, now wait a minute, Andy. Now look here, ain't no use to just take your time there. It ain't no mistake.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, I tell you, Kingfish.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Hello?

[Andy Brown]

Listen, Hortense, this is Andy Brown.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Oh, Andy, I'm so glad you called. I was just talking. Gertrude and she's so happy about our engagement.

[Andy Brown]

She is happy?

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Yes. I'm so proud of my little girl finding me a wonderful man like you.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well, I. Hold the phone. Hey, Kingfish, you was right. There wasn't no mistake. The daughter was just getting me for the mother. What can I do? I can't marry an old gal like that.

[Kingfish]

And they'll tell her it's all a mistake. Tell her that she has throw the net around the wrong fish.

[Andy Brown]

Yes. Look, Hortense, the thing is.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Oh, Andy, I'm so thrilled. I done called up all the relatives and they're all coming up for the wedding. I got the little chapel around the corner. And, Andy, we gonna be married a week from today.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but. Hold the phone.

[Kingfish]

What's the matter, Andy?

[Andy Brown]

Kingfisher's too late to get out of the net. This flounder is already in the frying pan. Wait a minute. Look, Hortense, I'll call you later.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

What's the matter? Something wrong?

[Andy Brown]

No, no. Goodbye.

[Kingfish]

Well, son, what is you going to do?

[Andy Brown]

Now, King Fish, the first thing I gonna do, I'm gonna lay right down here on the floor and give myself artificial perspiration. Amos and Andy will be back shortly. Meanwhile, here again are the four knights.

[Four Knights (Singer)]

Now, me brother the Bill went hunting. I've been in the woods of the eastern main. But the reason why we went up there, I thought we could catch some game. As me and Brother Bill went hunting way over in the middle of the night. Shot at something like a grizzly bear. But the doggone thing turned white. Oh, I dropped that gun. And the way I run. Brother Bill said, boy, what's the matter with you? Had he known like me to run some too. I run so fast. They say you couldn't catch me all day. The way I run across that field. You couldn't catch me with an auto move. Brother Phil got so excited he took shot at me. That bullet whistled past my ear.

[Kingfish]

Zing, wham. Hit the tree.

[Four Knights (Singer)]

I run until I was exhausted. My feet were dragging the ground. Come on, big feet, don't fail me now. Cause an Alabama. I dropped that gun and away I run. Brother Bill said, boy, what's the matter with you? Had it on. Like me to run some too. I run so fast, they say they couldn't catch me all day. The way I run across that field. They couldn't catch me with automobile.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, Kingfish, I'm telling you. I gotta find some way to break off the this engagement with Mrs. Thompson.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, with the wedding setting all them Relatives coming. Boy, you was on the spot or.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that's right. And I done sent for Algonquin J. Calhoun, too, to see if he can get me out of this mess. I wish he'd get you.

[Kingfish]

Oh, yeah, Andy. I tell you what, leave it. There's a weed.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Hi, boy. Here I am.

[Kingfish]

What's the trouble, Calhoun? Andy th that he was pre posing to a young girl and through a misunderstanding he ended up engaged to a mother. Now he wants to find some way to break the news to the mama that it was all a mistake.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, Calona, it's driving me crazy.

[Kingfish]

Well, now, ain't this a coincidence.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

My brother got into the same kind

[Kingfish]

of mess with a daughter and a

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

mother exactly five years ago.

[Kingfish]

Well, how did it turn out? Well, something unexpected happened there and my brother never had to worry about the

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

situation from that day on.

[Andy Brown]

What was it that happened?

[Kingfish]

The old lady shot him in the head.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, man. Listen, I don't want to take no chances of being no lead head.

[Kingfish]

The only way out is if you could find some way to make the old gal break off the marriage. Yeah, well, she ain't gonna do that, Calhoun. She crazy about Ender.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yeah. I was pretty irresistible, you know.

[Kingfish]

Well, I'm just thinking here. Say, you made Andy unattractive to her. You know, told her that Andy was some kind of criminal or something that ought to break off the engagement. Yeah, It's a big chance, but it just might work a. Oh, wait a minute.

[Andy Brown]

How are we going to do it? I just can't go up there and say I as a criminal. Give me my ring back.

[Kingfish]

Wait a minute. I tell you what I going to do, Anna. Mrs. Thompson is a friend of Sapphire's mama. So I go in up there as a friend of the family. I'll tell her that I found out what a fiend you is and it's my duty to tell her the whole story.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but suppose it don't work and I gotta go through with the marriage to Mrs. Thompson.

[Kingfish]

Oh, now, she can't be as bad as you say. What does she look like?

[Andy Brown]

Well, wait a minute. There's a picture of her in the paper here someplace. I'll find it.

[Kingfish]

Well, Andy, if you have to go through with the marriage, let me give you a bit of advice. You gotta have a faithful heart.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

A firm hand.

[Four Knights (Singer)]

Yeah.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

A loving disposition.

[Andy Brown]

Here's a picture.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

And a strong stomach. Won't you come in, Mr. Stevens?

[Kingfish]

Oh, thank you. Ms. Thompson. Yes?

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

My daughter ain't home.

[Kingfish]

Well, it's just as Mrs. Well, what I have to say is too horrible to be heard by a human being. So I think I'd better tell you first.

[Andy Brown]

You see.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Why, Mr. Stevens, what's wrong?

[Kingfish]

Ms. Thompson, I have come up here as a friend of the family. And what I gonna tell you is in confidence. And I hope that you will not ultra violate my trust.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Naturally not, Mr. Stevens. And what is it?

[Kingfish]

Ms. Thompson, I'm afraid I must tell you that I am suspicious that your sweet, kind, lovable fiance is a psychopathic killer.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Andy Brown?

[Kingfish]

Yeah. I'm pretty sure that he is none other than that horrible fiend. Ah Brown, alias Hacksaw. Harry, alias Cutthroat. Cuthbert, alias Screwy Louie.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Oh, Mr. Stevens, Andy is always so cheerful and so pleasant.

[Kingfish]

Well, that's the way it is with the school Louie. One minute he's just as normal as we is and the next minute he's stuffing somebody in the trunk.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Oh, no.

[Kingfish]

Just to be nasty about it, he sends the trunks to the police. I understand down at headquarters on a good day they get as many as 10 trunks.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Oh, you mean he's done something like this here recently?

[Kingfish]

Well, that's a little hard to say. I understand right now to know New York Police Department is so jammed up with trunks they are still opening the January deliveries.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Well, Mr. Stevens, what makes you think that Andy's this horrible person?

[Kingfish]

Well, the seller makes the practice of marrying women and then doing away with them.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Oh, no.

[Kingfish]

Yesterday, after Andy preposed to you, why, he bought a length of rope, a hatchet, a bucket of quicklime and a steamer trunk. Ms. Thompson, if you ain't careful, you was liable to go on your honeymoon courtesy of the American Express. Come there.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

I took. I can't believe this about Andy. He's so gay and so carefree.

[Kingfish]

Well, there's another thing that points to him.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Yeah.

[Kingfish]

See, this fellow's a frivolous type of killer. In fact, the way he gets around to bumping off his victims is by suggesting that they play a little game.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

A little game?

[Kingfish]

That's right, Mrs. Thompson. So if in the next few days Andy say to you, honey, let's play trunky wonky, be on your guard. Be on your guard.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Terrible.

[Kingfish]

Now, he may or may not be the trunk murderer, Screwy Louie, but natural, there's going to be a big scandal. Not just thought.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Oh, you right, Mr. Stevens. I can't afford to take no chances. What should I do?

[Kingfish]

Well, naturally you don't want to mention this to nobody, but the thing to do is to call Andy up and just Tell him that you has changed your mind. Tell him that you never want to see him again and all that stuff.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

I'll do that. I'll do that right away. Cause Mr. Stevens. Stevens. Don't you think I ought to call up the police?

[Kingfish]

Oh, no, no, no, don't do that. No, no, no. They'll take care of it. And anyway, there's probably too busy unpacking trunks to answer the phone there. Andy, this is the doggonest mess I done never heard of preposing to the daughter and getting engaged to the mother.

[Andy Brown]

Well, Amos, I think I was out of the woods for a while with the kingfish telling Mrs. Thompson that story about me being a trunk murderer. She done called the whole wedding off.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, well, that was a stupid thing to do. Why couldn't you explain the truth to the woman?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, listen, Amos, when a woman done invited all the relatives, hired the preacher and bought the wedding gown, that ain't no time to test her sense of humor.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, but Andy, she is bound to find out that you ain't no drunk murderer. What is your going to do then?

[Andy Brown]

Well, I think about that too, Amos. And I unpacked my things this morning. I'm getting out of town for about a month till this whole thing blows over.

[Kingfish]

Oh, Andy, this is a mess.

[Andy Brown]

Oh yeah, the Kingfish is helping me too. He's checking my stuff at the station. Now, you see, I'm doing this whole thing on the QT. Don't want Mrs. Thompson to know I'm leaving town.

[Kingfish]

Andy, I never seen anybody in my life getting messed up the way you does with gals.

[Andy Brown]

Oh yeah, Amos, look what lovers done to me. I tell you, if I ever meet up with that fella Dan Cubert, I'm going to jam that bow and arrow right down his throat. Well, I got all my things from a room here. Done paid the landlord and Kingpiece took my truck and stuff down to the station.

[Mrs. Hortense Thompson]

Now.

[Kingfish]

Come in.

[Andy Brown]

Yes, sir. I'm Lieutenant Barrett of the New York Police Department. I'm looking for Andy Brown. Yes, as Andy Brown. What can I do for you?

[Kingfish]

Well, we got a rather hysterical call

[Andy Brown]

from a Mrs. Thompson saying something about you being under suspicion as a trunk murderer. Oh, that. Oh, no, sir. That's just a story a friend of mine made up. Kind of a joke, you know. Well, that's a peculiar kind of a joke. You're sure you're on the level here? Oh, yes, sir. I ain't no trunk motor. I don't know nothing about no trunks. Oh, I tell you, mister, I ain't never seen trucks.

[Kingfish]

Well, Andy, I sneaked the trunk down to the station and got it on the train under the assumed name that you give me. So you are the trunk murderer. You're both under arrest. You've been listening to the Amos and

[Andy Brown]

Andy show with all the Amos and Andy characters, the four nights and Jeff Alexander's orchestra.

[Kingfish]

Join us again next week for Amos and Andy.

[Andy Brown]

This is the United States Armed Forces Radio.

[Bleacher Report Announcer]

The Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA is heating up, March Madness is here, and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report app. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real time. Scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment. Bubba Wallace here from 23 Xi Racing. You know what's slower than a pace car waiting at the car wash. That's when I fire up Chumba Casino. It turns those slow minutes into fast fun. With new games every week, you'll never get bored. Next time you're stuck in the slow lane, speed up with Chumba play [e-mail] let's Chumba. Sponsored by Chumba Casino. No purchase necessary. VGW Group void where prohibited by law, 21 terms and conditions apply.