Amos & Andy - Man's Best Friend

Summary

Amos & Andy – "Man’s Best Friend"

Podcast: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Date: March 26, 2026
Episode Theme:
A classic comedic episode centered on the timeless theme of friendship versus material gain—can you really depend on people as true friends, or are they only interested when you have something to offer? Andy decides to test the loyalty of his friends by starting a rumor that he’s inherited a large fortune, quickly discovering just how “friendly” his circle becomes when money enters the picture.

---

Episode Overview

• Setting: The episode is set around Andy’s office and home, then shifts to the hospital, featuring the main cast (Andy, Amos, Kingfish, Henry Van Porter, Lightning) with guest star Donald Meek.
• Purpose: Through a humorous plotline, the show explores whether a man’s best friend is truly his dog—or supposedly loyal human companions.

---

Key Discussion Points & Plot Breakdown

1. The "True Friends" Debate

(00:36–02:47)

• Andy reads a poem admiring dogs’ loyalty but claims:

  “I is crazy about dogs. But I'm gonna tell you something. Dogs ain't nothing like real friends.” (Andy Brown, 01:32)

• Amos and Henry Van Porter argue back, emphasizing that a genuine friend is rare and constant, unlike opportunistic acquaintances.
• Andy sets the terms of the episode’s “test”—he believes he has 50 true friends and wishes he could prove it.

2. The Inheritance Rumor Sparks Interest

(02:53–06:15)

• Andy claims to have inherited $10,000.
  • Kingfish immediately becomes more ingratiating, inviting Andy for supper, offering business advice:

    “It's at a time like that, that a man needs a friend to give him advice. And I is the best friend of the man with $10,000.” (Kingfish, 03:12)

• The rumor quickly spreads (a beauty parlor scene and phone calls) as invitations pour in and formerly dismissive acquaintances become eager to socialize.

3. Friends Out in Full Force

(06:15–08:25)

• Andy enjoys a flurry of hospitality—Kingfish even invents a new career as an “investment advisor specializing in inheritances.”
• Amos remains skeptical, warning Andy that these friends may change when his “fortune” is gone.

4. The Fallout – Testing the Loyalty

(08:35–14:47)

• Andy, overfed on others’ generosity, feels unwell (“No six meals a day. Oh, I feel bad.” - Andy, 09:42), and both Kingfish and Henry race to show their concern—in reality, they’re motivated by his supposed wealth.
• Their bickering over Andy’s sickbed leads to a farcical tug-of-war over who is the better friend, with each trying to outdo the other in caretaking.
• Eventually, they decide Andy needs to be hospitalized, with his best interests—and their own—in mind.

5. Hospital Hijinks & Donald Meek’s Arrival

(14:47–22:13)

• Andy’s hospitalization is a stress, costing precious dollars.
• Andy conspires with Kingfish to get out early, faking Kingfish as his doctor.
• Donald Meek, as a delusional patient, is mistaken by Andy for the real staff doctor, leading to a comical sequence of faux medical examinations and misunderstandings:

  “I have three seats on the stock exchange, two of them on the 50-yard line.” (Donald Meek, 17:13)
  “You have examined the patient only externally. Do you have a scalpel in your little black bag?” (Donald Meek, 21:08)

• The ruse collapses when hospital staff reveal the truth, and Meek is led away, believing he’s about to pilot his “rocket submarine.”

6. Truth Comes Out—Who Are Andy’s Real Friends?

(22:13–25:34)

• Back home, Andy, finally, tells Kingfish, Henry, and others that the inheritance rumor was false.
  • Their abrupt withdrawal of affection and even demands for returned gifts make their self-interest clear:

    “Give me back that cigar.” (Kingfish, 24:16)
    “Send me back the ratchet points for the meals that my wife gonna give you.” (Henry Van Porter, 24:17)

• Invitations are revoked, and former admirers turn cold in a series of rapid-fire reversals.
• Amos drives home the lesson:

  “Well, you got in that mess all on account of a rumor you started. They never would have took you to the hospital if they didn’t think you was going to be able to pay for it with inheritance money.” (Amos, 22:35)

7. The Final Twist – Man’s Best Friend After All

(25:34–26:19)

• In the closing moments, Andy is seen happily walking with Susie—his dog—highlighting the original question with a classic payoff:

  “Well, Susie, ain't you gonna speak to him? Speak.” (Andy Brown, 25:57)

• The wisdom: loyalty is best found in a dog, not in fair-weather human friends.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Andy:

  “Dogs ain't nothing like real friends.” (01:32)

• Amos:

  “If a man can have one or two real friends in his lifetime, he's lucky.” (01:54)

• Kingfish (opportunistic):

  “I is the best friend of the man with $10,000.” (03:12)

• Sadie’s reversal:

  “Oh, that good for nothing loafer Andy…I wouldn't be seen out with him again if he's the last man in the world.” ... “But ain't you here, Sadie? Andy just inherited $10,000.” “Oh, what time can he pick me up?” (05:09)

• Kingfish hustling as a doctor:

  “If anybody wants me in surgery or appendicitis department, I'll be in ward B.” (18:16)

• Hospital slapstick:

  “Have a cigar, Andy.” / “Give me back that cigar.” (23:52 & 24:16)

• Donald Meek’s delirium:

  “That's my rocket submarine...It must have got back under its own power.” (21:57–22:03)

• Andy, to his dog Susie, at the end:

  “Well, Susie, ain't you gonna speak to him? Speak.” (25:57)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• The “Man’s Best Friend” Debate: 00:36–02:47
• Fortune Rumor & Rush of New Friends: 02:53–06:15
• Tester of Friendship—Testing the Waters: 06:15–08:25
• Being Overwhelmed by “Friendship”: 08:35–14:47
• Hospital Comedy & Guest Star Donald Meek: 14:47–22:13
• True Friends? Not Quite: 22:13–25:34
• Dog is the Real Best Friend: 25:34–26:19

---

Tone & Style

The humor is broad, slapstick, and packed with witty dialogue and wordplay. Themes of social satire abound—opportunism, loyalty, and human foibles are all skewered, poking fun at those who flock around when money is at stake and vanish when the supposed fortune disappears.

---

Summary for New Listeners:
This episode of Amos & Andy is a comedic morality tale that lampoons the fickleness of “friendship” built on wealth and ends by reaffirming the old adage: a dog may indeed be man’s best friend, after all. The gags, banter, and guest cameo (Donald Meek) are as lively now as in the original Golden Age of Radio.

Transcript

[Bleacher Report Announcer]

The Bleacher Report app is your destination

for sports right now. The NBA is heating up, March Madness is here and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with

the Bleacher Report app.

For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real time, scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place.

Download the Bleacher Report app today so

you never miss a moment.

[Narrator]

Good evening. The makers of the new Rinso bring you the Amos and Andy show with their guest tonight, the Metro Goldwyn Mayor featured player soon to be seen in Lost Angel, Mr. Donald Meek. Our story opens tonight in the office of Mr. Andrew H. Brown. In cleaning up his office today, he uncovered an old book of poems which he borrowed two years ago from a friend. He's reading a poem to Amos.

[Andy Brown]

There are times when only a dog will do when you're beaten, sick and blue he lets you know as he licks your hands that he's downright sorry and understand that's true all right. Yeah, but sometimes them poets layin on too heavy. There's a good thought, I guess, in this piece of portrait. And I is crazy about dogs. But I'm gonna tell you something. Dogs ain't nothing like real friends.

[Amos]

Well, whatever kind of friend a dog is though, Andy, at least you can count on him. He don't change on you.

[Henry Van Forder]

But with people.

[Amos]

Well, I always say that if a man can have one or two real friends in his lifetime, he's lucky.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, what you talking about, amos? One or two friends? I got 50 real friends now.

[Amos]

Oh, I ain't talking about people that you know. I talking about somebody that will stick to you through thick and thin if you got money or ain't got money.

[Andy Brown]

That's the kind of 50 friends I got.

[Amos]

Oh, Andy.

[Andy Brown]

Well, I just wish there was some way that I could prove it and I could show you that you don't know what you're talking about, well, I

[Amos]

don't guess there's no way you can

[George Kingfish Stevens]

prove who's right or wrong.

[Amos]

But you know yourself, if you would say to these 50 people, you know that you done say, inherited a big cash fortune, all of these so called friends of yours would flock to you and wouldn't they? Well, yeah, but then if you was to lose that fortune, most of them would drop you like a hot potato.

[Andy Brown]

Well, listen, Amos, now let's say this. Let's Say that I has done inherited $10,000.

[Amos]

Well, I tell you.

[Andy Brown]

Come on in, King Fee.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Well, hello there, boys. Who was that that you're talking about done in her the $10,000?

[Amos]

Sit down, King Fee.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, Andy, who was you talking about that got the $10,000?

[Andy Brown]

Well, why you want to know?

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Well, it's at a time like that that a man needs a friend to give him advice. And I is the best friend of the man with $10,000. Good house. Who is the man, Brother Andy?

[Andy Brown]

Well, it's me.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

You?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, me. A relation of mine done left it to me. I just found out about it this morning. I as a happy man.

[Amos]

I guess all of Andy's friends would be glad to hear about you.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, congratulations, Andy, old pal. Old partner, dear.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah,

[George Kingfish Stevens]

and by the way, before I forget it, my wife told me to be sure and tell you to come up for supper tonight.

[Andy Brown]

O. Oh yeah. Well, thanks, Kingfish. You know, I ain't been up to your house for supper for a year and a half.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, I know that, brother Andy, old pal. That's why my wife told me to be sure and have you up for supper every night this week.

[Andy Brown]

Well, thank you, thank you.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, I tell you what, look, I'll. I'll tell Sapphire that you're coming up and I'll see you around 6:30.

[Andy Brown]

All right. So long, Kingsley.

[Amos]

So long, Kingsley.

[Andy Brown]

Well, Amos, there's one true friend right there. Now don't tell me about no dog. You see, his wife wanted me to come up for supper and she ain't even hear about the money that was left to me.

[Amos]

And the proof will come out when the rumor is done spread around. And then you tells these great friends of yours that you really ain't got no money.

[Henry Van Forder]

Henry Van Forder speaking.

[Dr. Donald Meek]

Henry dear, this is your wife.

[Henry Van Forder]

Oh, hello, dear.

[Dr. Donald Meek]

Henry, do you know what a girl in the beauty shop just told me?

[Henry Van Forder]

Now listen honey, I'm a very busy man now and if you.

[Dr. Donald Meek]

But listen to me, Henry, Andy Brown is just inherited $10,000.

[Henry Van Forder]

I. I'll be right home.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

Hello, Can I speak to SATA Blake? This is Sadie. Who is this? Sadie this year is Josephine. Oh, hello, Josephine. Sadie, I don't like to bother at the office, but I'm going out Sunday night with Fred Gwendale and he wants to take Andy Brown along. How about you go with Andy? Oh, that good for nothing loafer Andy. Why I wouldn't be seen out with him again if he's the last man in the world. But ain't you here, Sadie? Andy just inherited $10,000. Oh, what time can he pick me up?

[Andy Brown]

That show was a swell supper, Sapphire Eyes. Really full.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

I'm glad you liked it, Andy.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, sure was nice to have you at our house.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, I got a lot of invitations today. A bookstore, solid for the next three weeks with suppers, lunches and breakfasts. And on top of that, I got a couple of ham sandwich invites to work in there somewhere.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Sapphire, dear, while you do the dishes, me and Andy will go in the parlor and kind of unlike.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

All right, boys, I'll be back in a little while.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah. Come on, Andy, let's go in here and sit down, old pal.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Now, you know, it sure is nice to spend a restful evening at home and have your best friend with you. You know, I got to get to work early in the morning.

[Andy Brown]

Lodge business?

[George Kingfish Stevens]

No, no, no. My own business. Here, I have one of my cards.

[Andy Brown]

George Kingfish Stevens, investment advisor specializing in inheritances. Kingfish, you wasn't in this business this morning, was you?

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Oh, what you talking about, Anna? I've been in this business for over a month.

[Andy Brown]

Well, that's funny. The ink on the cards ain't even dry yet.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Well, you see, Annie, the cards is engraved and the ink goes on there and cut a lumps. You gotta fan the cards. You gotta cool it off, you know, get this thing out there.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah. Oh, boy, them potatoes. The Sapphire cooked tonight show was great. I like that brown gravy on them, too.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah. Now, about that investment advising business that I got, huh? I'm glad you asked me. I'll be only too happy to explain it to you now, Brother Andy, with my brains and experiences and ability and everything that I got, I can take a man's money and double it, sometimes triple it or even quad forfeit for him.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well, of course, I ain't exactly got the cash in my hands yet. King Trees. You know, it take time for these inheritance things to clear through the courts.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Oh, yeah, I know it takes a few days. I'll be patient about the thing.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well, I sure appreciate that, Kingfish. All my friends being so nice to me. You know, Henry Van Porter told me that after I leave here tonight to drop by his place for a snack or something to eat, no matter what time twas.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Oh, you did, huh? That big? Well, he's a. He's a sweet fellow, Henry. One of my best friends. Nothing in the world I wouldn't do for him. Yes, he's a man that I got more respect and regard for than anyone I know.

[Andy Brown]

Too bad he's such a crook.

[Amos]

Andy, where in the world has you been for the last week? I've been trying to get a hold of you, but you ain't never home.

[Andy Brown]

Well, listen, Amos, tween the two of us, since I done started that rumor about my inheritance, I've been a busy man. Oh, everybody been inviting me out to eat. You know, I've been averaging six meals a day.

[Amos]

Well, that's what I wanted to see you about, Andy. You've been carrying this thing too far. After all, you just started just as a little test of friendship, telling the

[George Kingfish Stevens]

people you had money.

[Amos]

And I think it's high time that you put a stop to the whole thing and told your friends that on account of some mix up or something, you is not going to get the money.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, there ain't no rush about it, Amos. I want to give the thing a good test. I want to keep it up for a while yet.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Tell you the truth, might be a

[Andy Brown]

good idea to keep it up for the rest of my life. See if I got any lifelong friends.

[Lightning]

What is you sick from, Miss Andy?

[Andy Brown]

Overeating, Lightning. Overeating? Too many meals, I said.

[Lightning]

Well, if you gotta get sick, that's the nicest way as I can think of.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, the human body just was meant to eat. No six meals a day. Oh, I feel bad.

[Lightning]

How do you tell when you are

[Amos]

sick from overeating, Ms. Andy?

[Andy Brown]

Well, it's got synoptoms just like any other sickness.

[Lightning]

Got symptoms.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, you can't look at meat and potatoes. You can't look at fried chicken or turkey or ham. You can't stand a side of chocolate cake.

[Lightning]

Them symptoms sure do make my mouth water.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, listen, Lightning.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Oh, brother Andy. Brother Andy. I just heard you were sick and I rushed right up here.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well, that's nice of you, Kingfish. I'll be all right though.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Now look here. I want to look after you, Andy. I hope it ain't nothing serious.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, no, I'll be all right.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

I want you to know that I is by your side in your time of need. You can always count on your good old pal, the Kingfish.

[Amos]

I taken care of Mr. Andy. Brother Kingfisher.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Quiet, Lightning. You know, Andy, it feels to have a good friend that will always.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

Andy.

[Henry Van Forder]

Andy, I just heard that you were sick and I come right over here.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Too late, Henry. I'll take care of Andy.

[Henry Van Forder]

Is that so?

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, I was here first.

[Andy Brown]

Wait a minute, fellas. Ain't nothing to fight about here.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Andy, I knows you want me to take care of you. Here, let me smooth out that sheet that you was laying on. Make it comfortable for you.

[Henry Van Forder]

I will smooth out that sheet.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

You will, will you, Henry? If you touch that sheet, I'll punch

[Andy Brown]

you in the nose.

[Henry Van Forder]

You wouldn't dare touch me. Give me this sheet.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Let go of that, Henry.

[Andy Brown]

I'm warning you, fellas, please, you're bouncing.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Listen, Henry, I is and his best friend. And I is gonna take care of him. Now, for the last time, let go of that sheep.

[Henry Van Forder]

I will do nothing of the sort. I is his friend too. You let go of it.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Give me that sheet.

[Henry Van Forder]

Give me that thing.

[Dr. Donald Meek]

Give it.

[Andy Brown]

Is one of y' all a good enough friend of mine to pick me up off the floor?

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Uh, Lightning, pick him up. Uh, Henry, I wonder if I could see you out in the hall for a second.

[Henry Van Forder]

Why, certainly.

[Andy Brown]

Oh,

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Now, Henry, there ain't no use

[Andy Brown]

for me and you to beat each other's throats.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Andy don't look good, and we can't take chances on nothing happening to him.

[Henry Van Forder]

Yes, special to the money. You know, it might not be a bad idea to take Andy to a hospital.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

That is just what I got in my mind.

[Andy Brown]

Let's go back in there. Come on, Henry.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Andy, me and Henry is your best friends. And we as done decided that you has got to have better care. And we is taking you to a hospital.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, I ain't that sick. I ain't going to no hospital.

[Henry Van Forder]

Look here now, Andy, it's for your own good.

[Andy Brown]

I tell you, I ain't going. Nobody can put me in the hospital.

[Narrator]

Well, Andy said he wouldn't go to the hospital, so where do you think we find him? That's right. In the hospital talking to Amos.

[Amos]

Nice room you got here in the hospital, Ander.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, Amos. Being alone in this ward here. Just like having a private room. Yeah.

[Amos]

You feel all right now, though, don't you?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, sure I do. And I think I'll get out of here before the day is over.

[Henry Van Forder]

Yeah, you.

[Amos]

You better get out of here. You know, this hospital costs money. And you can't tell the hospital people

[Henry Van Forder]

that you was done in her the $10,000.

[Andy Brown]

Well, I don't care what it costs. No price is too big to pay to prove that my friends is really my friends. I wonder what this room costs a day.

[Amos]

Well, I don't know, but I gotta run along, son. Good luck to you. Take care of yourself.

[Andy Brown]

So long, Amos. Hmm. Let me see.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

Office.

[Andy Brown]

Excuse me for protruding. This is Andrew H. Brown in Ward B. How much does it cost me to stay here?

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

$4 a day, Mr. Brown.

[Andy Brown]

Is that the ceiling price?

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

Yes, yes.

[Andy Brown]

Hmm. That's funny. That's my ceiling too. I got exactly $4.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

Of course, that pays you up until 6 o' clock and then it'll be $8.

[Andy Brown]

Well, the way I feels now, I think I'll be all cured about quarter to six.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

Of course, you know you can't leave the hospital until you've been examined by our doctor and approved for release.

[Andy Brown]

I can't, huh? Well, is it okay if I get my own doctor to come?

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

Well, yes, but one of our staff physicians will have to be present. By the way, what is your doctor's name?

[Andy Brown]

Doctor? Oh yeah, yeah, the doctor. Dr. George Kingfish Stevens, MD.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

Do you wish to have me call him?

[Andy Brown]

Well, no, just get me the number. The number is Lehigh 410 97.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

One moment.

[Andy Brown]

That King face got me in here. He gotta get me out spending every cent I got. This is a mess.

[Bleacher Report Announcer]

The Bleacher Report app is your destination

for sports right now. The NBA's heating up, March Madness is here and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with

the Bleacher Report app.

For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about.

Get real time.

Scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place.

Download the Bleacher Report app today so

you never miss a moment.

[Howie Mandel]

The Global Gaming League is presented by Atlas Earth, the fun cashback app. Hey, it's Howie Mandel and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my How We Do It Gaming team take on Gilly the king and wallow. $267 million gaming in an epic Global Gaming League video game showdown. Plus a halftime performance by multi platinum artist Travy McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the championship match right [e-mail] that's globalgamingleague.com in partnership with Level Up Expo.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

Your party.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Hello.

[Andy Brown]

You gotta do something for me, Kingfish.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

What is it, Ander?

[Andy Brown]

Listen, Kingfisher, put on your long tail coat and bring that little black doctor's bag that that doctor left in your office one day. And here's what I want you to do.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

Oh, this nursing job is driving me crazy. Now I've got to find one of our staff doctors to go in ward B and see Mr. Brown and his physician so he can get checked out.

[Hospital Staff]

Well, forget that and come on with me. We've got to get up to the psychopathic. Mr. Meek is loose again.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

Mr. Meek? When did you see him last?

[Hospital Staff]

Oh, about 20 minutes ago. He was in the shower room. He called me. Wanted a pair of water wings. Not only that, but one of the interns was in there taking a shower. And when he started to dress, his white uniform was missing.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

Well, we'd better find him before he gets up on the roof and tries to take off in his rocket submarine.

[Andy Brown]

Where is that kingfish? He better get over here and get me out. I could lay down a lot of places cheaper than this.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Hello.

[Dr. Donald Meek]

Mind if I come in?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, no, no, no. Come right in. Doctor.

[Lightning]

Doctor?

[Andy Brown]

You is the staff doctor, ain't you?

[Dr. Donald Meek]

Oh, the staff doctor.

[Amos]

Yes.

[Dr. Donald Meek]

Now, I forgot for a minute. I am the staff doctor. Yes, Dr. Meek. You see, I have so many things on my mind. I'm chairman of the board of two railroads. I have three seats on the stock exchange, two of them on the 50 yard line.

[Andy Brown]

Yes. Well, doctor, you is a busy man.

[Dr. Donald Meek]

Yes. I don't see how I'll ever have time to run for a fourth term.

[Andy Brown]

You do all them things? And you as a doctor too, huh?

[Dr. Donald Meek]

Yes, but my chief interest is medicine. I'm very, very fond of surgery. Even as a small boy, I love to fiddle.

[Andy Brown]

Well, Dr. Meek, any minute now, I.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Hello there, patient Brown. What are you still doing here in the hospital?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, hello, doctor. Hello. This is the staff doctor. Dr. Meek here.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Pleased to meet you.

[Henry Van Forder]

How do you do?

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Excuse me while I use the phone here, please.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

Office.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

This is Dr. Stevens.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

Yes, Dr. Stevens.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

If anybody wants me in surgery or appendicitis department, I'll be in ward B.

[Dr. Donald Meek]

I don't recall having seen you around the hospital here before, Dr. Stevens.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Well, most of the time I was here, I goes around in a white gown with a mask on my face. Oh, I was one of the most sanitary doctors you got in the joint.

[Andy Brown]

Dr. Stevens, why don't you examine me now so we can get out of here?

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, I'll put my doctor's bag here on your bed. All right, Mr. Brown, stick out your tongue. Let me get my R stick out of my bag here.

[Dr. Donald Meek]

Your. Your R stick?

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah. As you know, these things here, you get them off of good humors. The idea is that you hold down the tongue and the patient say, ah.

[Andy Brown]

You see?

[Henry Van Forder]

How.

[Dr. Donald Meek]

How very quaint. I've never heard them called that before.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

All right, now, Mr. Brown, say ah.

[Andy Brown]

Ah.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Perfect. I never hope to hear a better heart in my life. You got that?

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

Oh. Oh, this.

[Andy Brown]

Doctor Stevens, when you finished examination so I can get out of here while it's still $4.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, I'll do that.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Now, my methods even date back. Way back to the. The thing. You see, I. The old time doctor.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Now, let me feel your pulse. That's the way I tell about getting people out of here, you see.

[Narrator]

Can't feel them.

[Andy Brown]

Why don't you try my wrist?

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah. Here we is. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. Normal pulse. All right. Going a mile a minute. Can't have some more pulse than that. Yeah. You got something?

[Dr. Donald Meek]

I had an idea that a pulse was supposed to be slower than that.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Oh, well, I was counting the upbeat, the same as the downbeat.

[Dr. Donald Meek]

That's what I. Dr. Stevens, I was just looking at your doctor's bag here. It's not very heavy.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Well, yeah. You see, Dr. Meek, when I goes around calling on patients, I like to travel light. You see, I operates on so many patients that I bound to leave a few tools here and there. Now, Mr. Brown, my opinion as medical doctor, M.D. and all that stuff is that you is in great shape and that you ought to be really from this hospital right away.

[Dr. Donald Meek]

Not so fast. You have examined the patient only externally. Do you have a scalpel in your little black bag?

[George Kingfish Stevens]

A scalpel? Wait a minute. He don't need no haircut.

[Lightning]

No.

[Dr. Donald Meek]

Just give me a surgical instrument.

[Henry Van Forder]

Something nice and sharp.

[Andy Brown]

Hold it. Hold it right there. There ain't nobody gonna do no cutting into me. No, sir.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

That's right. If Mr. Brown has to be examined internally, his own doctor gonna do it.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

There he is. There he is, girls.

[Hospital Staff]

Yes, pretending he's a doctor.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute. That wasn't my idea. And they called me up on the phone and talked me into it.

[Hospital Staff]

Oh, not you.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

Come on, Mr. Mead.

[Dr. Donald Meek]

No, I don't want it.

[Hospital Staff]

Mr. Meek, we have a surprise for you.

[Dr. Donald Meek]

Under your pillows. You're always saying that.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

No, we really have it this time. It's something you've been expecting. Do I know?

[Dr. Donald Meek]

No, that's my rocket submarine.

[Lightning]

That's right.

[Henry Van Forder]

Wonderful.

[Dr. Donald Meek]

It must have got back under its own power.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

So hurry, Mr. Meek. That's a good boy.

[Andy Brown]

Come on, Kingfish. Now's our chance to get out of here. Hand me my pants. Amos, I sure glad I got out of that hospital. I was almost trapped in there at $4 a day, you know it.

[Amos]

Well, you got in that mess all on account of a rumor you started. They never would have took you to the hospital if they didn't think you was going to be able to pay for it with inheritance money.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, I guess I ought to stop that rumor after the first three or four meals.

[Amos]

After all, you know you just done this thing to test out all these friends of yours.

[Andy Brown]

Well, you really started, Amos. Cause you was the one that say a man's best friend is his dog. And I told you that I'd prove to you that a dog ain't nothing. Friends is the thing. Yeah, I know, but what's the difference? Cause I still going to prove to you that you's wrong. And these friends will stick by me when I tell them that I ain't going to get no money. And I'm going to tell them as fast as I sees them. Don't tell me about no dog.

[Amos]

Well, Andy, all I got to see is this. Here come Van Ford and the King.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Well, hello there, Andy.

[Henry Van Forder]

Hello there, old pal. Glad to see you out of the hospital. Don't get up, don't get up.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, sit down. Take it easy there. Reserve your strength. Can I get you a glass of water or something?

[Amos]

He looks better.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

How do you feel?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, not so good, fellas.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, well, don't worry, we'll get you in another hospital.

[Andy Brown]

No, no, wait a minute. Ain't that. Oh, well, Andy, until you, our very

[Henry Van Forder]

dear friend has completely recovered, we're going

[Andy Brown]

to stick by your side.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, we is going to convale arrest right along with you. Yeah, we'll bring you a breakfast, lunch and supper. You won't have to raise a hand.

[Andy Brown]

Here, have a cigar, Andy. Oh, thanks. Yeah. Now look fellas, what I want to tell you is this. There was a big. There was a great big mistake about the inheritance. It was another Andrew Brown and I ain't going to get a penny.

[Henry Van Forder]

What does this mean?

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Is that right, Anders?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, it was somebody else. Fellas, I don't get the money.

[George Kingfish Stevens]

Give me back that cigar.

[Henry Van Forder]

And send me back the ratchet points for the meals that my wife gonna give you. Come on, let's get out of here.

[Andy Brown]

Kingfish.

[Amos]

Well, Andy, do that mean anything to you?

[Andy Brown]

Well, I guess it means that they ain't friends of mine. But they is only two. I gonna wait till the news of me not having no money spreads around a little more. Then you'll see that they ain't all like the Kingfish and Vanpooler. Hello, Mr. Brown? Speaking. What time is I supposed to be up there for supper tonight?

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

Well, supper tonight has been canceled. We have been called out of town indefinitely. Goodbye

[Andy Brown]

we regret that we will have to withdraw our invitation that we sent you for our party at which you are supposed to be the guest of honor, because we find we are one over our quarter. Yours truly, Ms. DeWitt.

[Nurse Sadie/Josephine]

What? Why, you good for nothing loafer. I wouldn't be seen out with you again if you was the last man in the world.

[Amos]

Lightning, look at Andy coming down the street.

[Lightning]

Yowza.

[Amos]

We ain't seen him for two, three days and look who's with him. Yasa. They is really strutting, ain't they?

[Andy Brown]

Hello, boys. Hello.

[Amos]

Well, hello there, Andy. You two certainly look good together.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah. Amos, Lightning, I want you to meet a friend of mine. This is Susie.

[Lightning]

How you do?

[Amos]

Hello, Susie.

[Andy Brown]

Well, Susie, ain't you gonna speak to him? Speak.

[Narrator]

Men, are you as handsome as Charles Boyer? Are you as charming? Well, that's the problem George Burns faces next Tuesday night when his wife, Gracie stands George and Charles Boyer side by side and takes a good look at each. Be sure to tune in George Burns and Gracie Allen next Tuesday night when they'll have as their guest Charles Boyer. Consult your newspaper for time and station and be sure to join us again next Friday night at this same time for the Amos and Andy show, at which time the boys will have as their guest, Chester Morris. Thanks to Donald Meek for being with us tonight. Our program is short wave to our armed forces overseas. This is Harlow Wilcox speaking for all of us bidding all of you a pleasant good night.

[Bleacher Report Announcer]

The Bleacher Report app is your destination

for sports right now. The NBA is heating up, March Madness is here, and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with

the Bleacher Report Apple.

For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real time scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place.

Download the Bleacher Report app today so

you never miss a moment.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Dr. Donald Meek]

Hey, everyone.

[Lightning]

Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Henry Van Forder]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual Together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Lightning]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league anyways.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Lightning]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.