Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Author! Author! 39-01-01 First Episode
Date: November 14, 2025
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
Featured Authors: Ogden Nash (host), Ellery Queen, Marion Collins, Carl Van Doren

Overview

The inaugural episode of "Author! Author!" showcases a delightfully witty and inventive parlor game featuring prominent writers from America’s Golden Age of Radio. Hosted by the clever Ogden Nash, the panel (Ellery Queen, Marion Collins, and Carl Van Doren) is challenged to craft logical beginnings for story endings provided live on-air. Famous for its unrehearsed storytelling, lively banter, and audience participation, the episode delivers both laughs and intellectual playfulness wrapped up in literary charm.

Key Discussion Points & Storytelling Games

1. Introduction of Panel & Format

• Ogden Nash warmly welcomes listeners and introduces the concept:
  • “Author is a game of story invention in which you'll be able to hear how America's most famous writers invent their story plots.” (00:32, Nash)
  • The game: Panelists are given unusual story “endings” and must craft extemporaneous beginnings.

2. The $2,000 Watch—Four Invented Beginnings

(01:39–10:27)
Ogden Nash presents a dramatized scenario: a shabbily dressed man offers $1 for a $2,000 watch, and the jeweler agrees. The authors must invent a plausible backstory.

• Ellery Queen’s Coin Collector Twist

  • Mr. Spiffin, the jeweler, is a rare coin enthusiast. The $1 offered is a legendary coin worth $5,000.
    • “He noticed that the dollar, the dollar which the shabbily dressed man was offering… was not a bill, but a coin. And what was it but this very coin?” (03:41, Queen)

• Marion Collins’ Debt of Gratitude

  • Years ago, the jeweler’s friend lent him $2,000 to launch his business; the friend returns destitute. The jeweler’s acceptance of $1 for the watch is a repayment of that forgotten debt.
    • “He recognized the old friend who had advanced him the money… he would be justified in accepting the dollar for the watch.” (05:28, Collins)

• Carl Van Doren’s Kidnapping Mystery

  • Spiffin’s only heir was recently kidnapped. A string of cryptic ransom notes culminates in the customer’s offer, signaling secret negotiations.
    • “His only heir had been kidnapped... The way for him to communicate his willingness… was to give in now and say that he would take $1 for a $2,000 watch.” (07:20, Van Doren)

• Ellery Queen’s Wager Story

  • A humorous bet forces Spiffin to sell the first product of the day no matter what. His friend orchestrates the sham transaction to win a $2,000 bet.
    • “He bet Mr. Spiffin $2,000 that… he wouldn’t okay the very first transaction… If he refused, he'd pay the $2,000 bet… If he accepted… he would actually be $1 ahead.” (09:20, Queen)

Panel Banter

• The group exchanges witty criticism and playful heckling, e.g.:
  • “Let’s compromise on chipping, shall we?” (06:56, Collins)
  • “He rather got out of it easily, didn’t he?” (06:58, Queen)

3. The Skid-Proof Tires (SilverTown Ad with a Narrative Hook)

(10:47–11:57)
A brief, dramatized scene introduces a real-life product:

• Mr. Silver brakes suddenly on wet roads but is confident due to his Silvertown tires.
  • “I did it because I knew I was perfectly safe.” (11:21)
• Panel quickly identifies the safety feature as Silvertown tires.

4. The Extraordinary Bequest—Multiple Solutions

(11:59–20:22)
A lawyer offers John Sutton a choice between an empty envelope and a $10,000 inheritance. Sutton, a poor man, takes the envelope. The panel invents why:

• Marion Collins’ Altruistic Choice

  • The envelope offers Sutton the moral choice to give the money to the deserving niece, rather than keep it from his own distasteful experiences with Black.
    • “He made me make the choice... to give it to the girl who really should have it.” (14:14, Collins)
  • Nash quips: “I'm so glad Mr. Black is dead.” (14:31)

• Carl Van Doren’s Autograph Collector

  • Both men, rival collectors, know the envelope is addressed to Chester A. Arthur by a rare hand. Sutton's expertise recognizes its hidden value.
    • “He turned it over and he noticed written on the back of it…” (15:26, Van Doren)

• Ellery Queen’s Deadly Ruse

  • Sutton, the nephew and gambler, poisons Black via envelope glue. The envelope holds evidence, and he takes it to destroy the proof.
    • “He realized to his horror that the flap wasn't pistachio flavored, but was coated with nicotine… the envelope… represented the only evidence.” (17:08, Queen)

• Ogden Nash’s Pacifist Chemist

  • Sutton, a chemist and pacifist, sees the envelope contains a deadly secret in invisible ink. He chooses it over the money to prevent harm.
    • “On this envelope was written in invisible ink, the formula… of a new and powerful poison gas… he simply refused the $10,000 and took the envelope.” (19:25, Nash)
  • Van Doren playfully corrects a word: “Glad you didn’t use that word decimate. That means only one out of ten.” (20:24, Van Doren)

5. Audience Invitation and Panel Challenge

(20:42–23:15)

• Listener Participation:

  • Nash and Lawrence ask listeners to send in story endings for future episodes:
    • “Anyone can enter… send them to Author, Author, care of the B.F. Goodrich Rubber Company…” (21:50, Lawrence)

• Ogden Nash on the Spot:

  • Queen, Collins, and Van Doren devise the words “centipede, spot, airplane, zoo” as a prompt, challenging Nash to craft a story instantly.
    • Nash responds with his signature wit:
      • “I do not like the centipede. A bug we do not really need. You always whack him where he's not. Or if he is, he leaves a spot.” (22:47, Nash)
      • Pressed further: “And we take the airplane to get out of this spot?” (23:06, Nash)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Unrehearsed Storytelling:

  • “Their stories are unrehearsed. Don't mind if they stumble a bit. That's the idea of Author.” (02:28, Nash)

• Playful Banter on Order:

  • “Ellery comes before queen. Well, that may be true, but in the telephone book, Queen comes first.” (03:16, Queen & Nash)

• A Touch of Irony:

  • “I'm so glad Mr. Black is dead.” (14:31, Nash, after Collins’ emotional explanation)

• Quick-Witted Poetry:

  • Nash, improvising on the "centipede" story:
    • “You always whack him where he's not. Or if he is, he leaves a spot.” (22:47, Nash)

• Meta-Commentary:

  • “I've never seen so many distinguished people quite so uncomfortable.” (22:02, Nash)

Segment Timestamps

• Panel Introductions & Game Rules: 00:02–01:39
• The $2,000 Watch Story & Explanations: 01:39–10:27
• Skid-Proof Tire Story: 10:47–11:57
• The Extraordinary Bequest Story & Explanations: 11:59–20:22
• Audience Invitation, Panelist Challenge, & Nash’s Recitation: 20:42–23:15

Tone and Style

The episode encapsulates lively, sophisticated humor, good-natured competition, and intellectual improvisation. The panelists frequently jest and poke fun at each other, upholding an urbane and witty rapport throughout the storytelling games. Ogden Nash’s dry wit and penchant for wordplay keep the energy high, while each panelist brings unique storytelling sensibilities to the collective challenge.

Conclusion

The first episode of "Author! Author!" is a spirited showcase of literary improvisation, clever dialogue, and radio camaraderie. Listeners experience both the joy of quick-witted invention and the unique interplay among some of America’s most celebrated authors. The invitation for audience participation promises even more unpredictable fun in episodes to come.