
Avalon Time - Edna's Birthday Party
Loading summary
Dale King
What's up, baby? It's Bretzky. And I'm here to tell you that spinquest.com is giving out free sweeps coins. All you gotta do is purchase a ten dollar coin pack and guess what? They're gonna give you the coins from a thirty dollar coin pack that lets you play all your favorite games like Blackjack, Wanted, Dead or Wild. And we're talking real cash prizes, baby.
Red Skelton
Spinquest.com Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.
Dale King
A pack of Avalon cigarettes, please.
Edna Stillwell
Yes, sir. Oh, just a moment, sir. Don't forget your change. You'd never guess but Avalon's cost you
Red Skelton
less, so why not always travel on with Avalon? Good evening.
Dale King
Good evening. This is Dale King saying welcome to Avalon Time with Red Foley, Jeanette, Edna Stillwell, the Avalon chorus, Bob Strong and his orchestra, and the only man in radio who gives pep talks to chickens on how to lay bigger and better eggs, Red Skelton.
Red Skelton
Thank you very much and good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Say, Del, what happened to your right eyebrow?
Dale King
Well, I went in the barber shop downstairs to get my mustache trimmed and the barber was nearsighted.
Red Skelton
What a barber. He'll tell you about a complexion like a peach and then start slicing you. I feel great tonight. I just got back from New York. I flew in. The trip was a little rough, though. In fact, it was so rough I was scared green. I was so green, when I got off the plane, a guy came over, opened my mouth and tried to mail a letter in.
Herky
It
Red Skelton
had a lot of fun. I went to the World's Fair while I was in New York. Went out in one of those taxi cabs. I like to ride in taxis. They bang up the fenders. It gives you that carefree feeling. Those drivers are awful careful in New York. Oh, they only drive in the safety zone. The. The World's Fair is really beautiful there. No kidding. There's so many klieg life that the astronomers claim that the man in the moon is wearing sunglasses. Mmm. The first thing when you reach the fairground is the Trilon and Perisphere. You know that big spike in the ball looks like Slim Somerville and Kate Smith standing together on the sof. Grover Whalen sits on top of the Perisphere half the time. He wants the people to think he's got a lot on the ball, That Grover Whalen. No kidding. He's really out to make money. I was wearing a blue plaid sport coat, green pants, an orange beret, and I went to Sleep in the. In the waiting room. And when I woke up, Grover Whelan was charging a dime to see me. I went to the flea circus, and I must have gotten too close to the performers because what happened to me shouldn't happen to a dog. I went over to Billy Rose's Water Carnival. Oh, that's really lovely. I was sitting right in the front row with a lot of important people, and everybody was getting wet. The District Attorney of New York, sun was right next to me. Even he was a little dewy. Had a lot of fun, though. Really? Everybody in New York has that World's Fair hospitality. When I got off of the plane, seven hotel managers ran up and offered to carry my wallet. Well, I think I've been out here long enough, so I'll step aside and let Red Foley start swinging down the old orchard lane. Swing it, fellas. It's all yours.
Jeanette
Swinging down the old orchard
Spinquest Announcer
into the
Jeanette
mocking birds we frame Strolling sort of lazy with pouts that seem so hazy between my toes A daisy kissed by the softest rain Honeysuckle sweet fill the
Jeanette (singing)
air
Jeanette
Spreading real contentment everywhere A heart as light as moonbeams A mind that's filled with dreams down the old arching dale I've traveled all around the world I've known a million thrills I've known the hidden beauties of the valleys and the hills the seven wonders of the world Filled me with ecstasy
Red Skelton
of all
Jeanette
the thrills I most enjoy this was the thrill for me Swinging down the old orchard lane Listening to the mocking birds we pray Our heart as light as moonbeams of mine that's filled with dreams Swinging down the old orchard.
Dale King
Friends, do you know why certain people or certain products stand apart ahead of all the others? Because they have a certain extra something the others can't match. Now, in the cigarette field, Avalon have a perfect combination that puts them at the top. Highest quality, exceptional economy. Now, let's take first, the quality Avalons are blended to perfection with the world's finest Turkish and domestic tobaccos. You couldn't get finer quality tobaccos, regardless of price, regardless of brand. Now second, the economy. Avalons cost 3 to 5 cents less per pack than other popular priced cigarettes. Now, that repeated saving will net you many extra dollars every year. So just remember these two important avalanc advantages. Superior quality. Outstanding economy. Try a pack tonight, you'd never guess they cost you less. Ah, that was Bob Strong and the boys playing.
Red Skelton
And the angel. Yeah, that's the way it sounds when the angels sing Heaven can wait.
Dale King
Hey, listen, Skelton, don't forget. You know, it's Edna Stillwell's birthday and she's invited us over to her party.
Red Skelton
Oh, a party for Edna. Can I go too? Yeah, you can go too. Come on, Del. The car is parked outside. We'll drive over.
Dale King
Oh, no, let's walk over. It makes me nervous the way you go around those curves.
Red Skelton
Yeah, why don't you do what I do when I come to a curve? Just close your eyes. Come on, Delicious. There's my car.
Dale King
Is that the car? Yeah, it's all the furniture in the back seat.
Red Skelton
I carry that with me in case I get a flat I can move in.
Spinquest Announcer
Forget everything you had planned for this weekend because you are sitting on your couch and winning from the comfort of your own home. I'm here with spinquest where you can play hundreds of slot games, all the table games you love, and you could even win real cash Prizes. New users. 30 coin packs are on sale for 10@Spinquest.com SpinQuest is a free to play
Red Skelton
social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.
Dale King
Warning.
Spinquest Announcer
The following ZipRecruiter radio spot you are
Dale King
about to hear is going to be filled with F words.
ZipRecruiter Announcer
When you're hiring, we at ZipRecruiter know you can feel frustrated, forlorn, even, like your efforts are futile. And you can spend a fortune trying to find fabulous people, only to get flooded with candidates who are just fine. Fortunately, ZipRecruiter figured out how to fix all that, and right now you can try ZipRecruiter for free at ZipRecruiter.com Zip with ZipRecruiter you can forget your frustrations because we find the right people for your roles fast, which is our absolute favorite F word. In fact, four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day.
Red Skelton
Fantastic.
ZipRecruiter Announcer
So whether you need to hire four, 40 or 400 people, get ready to meet first rate talent. Just go to ZipRecruiter.com zip to try ZipRecruiter for free. Don't forget that ZipRecruiter.com zip. Finally, that ZipRecruiter.com Zip.
Dale King
Well, I think I'll walk over.
Red Skelton
Oh, come on, let's ride. We got the car with May. Well use it. May as well. We may as well use it. Come on, get in.
Dale King
Okay, I will. Wait a minute. Well, I'll just sit right down.
Red Skelton
Yeah. Oh. What's the matter, Dale? Oh, thanks. Gee, I've been looking for that oil can for three weeks. Well, hold on now. Here we go. I hope we get there in time. Oh, here we are.
Dale King
Boy, that's the quickest I ever crossed the street.
Red Skelton
Yeah. Wait till I get my goggles and my duster off. We'll go in and join the party.
Jeanette
Okay.
Red Skelton
Hey.
Dale King
Oh, look at the pretty flowers out here.
Edna Stillwell
Oh, hello, boy. Come on in.
Dale King
Well, happy birthday, Edna.
Red Skelton
Happy birthday. You didn't eat yet, did you?
Edna Stillwell
No, but we started to play games. Yeah, you should have been here a few minutes ago.
Red Skelton
What happened?
Edna Stillwell
My aunt was bobbing for apples. Somebody slapped her on the back and she swallowed the tub.
Dale King
Oh, I almost forgot. Edna, here's a little present for you. It's a pair of the latest style stockings with pockets in the tops.
Edna Stillwell
Oh, thanks, Dale, But I'm sure gonna look funny standing around with my hands in my pockets.
Red Skelton
Here, I brought you a little present too, Edna.
Edna Stillwell
Oh, it's a lovely ring.
Red Skelton
Oh, it's nothing.
Edna Stillwell
Oh, it's beautiful. But what's that hole in the middle?
Red Skelton
Huh?
Edna Stillwell
What's the hole for?
Red Skelton
You can have a stone put in there if you want to. You won't believe it, but that ring used to belong to a millionaire.
Edna Stillwell
Yeah, I know. Woolworth.
Red Skelton
Yeah. Now, come on, let's go in and play some games. Let's play the kissing game. Uh. Oh, there's Bob Strong. Hi, Skelton. Hello, Romeo. Hey, you. Edna been kissing you? Look, you got rouge on your cheek. No, I'm just naturally healthy. Oh, just naturally healthy. Don't look now. Your right cheeks better than the left one. Don't be so jealous, Skelton. I don't mind when you kiss my girl. What do you mean? I never kissed your girl. But you must have. I showed her your picture and she said, boy, what a kisser. Yeah, well, I don't know. You know what Edna sees in you.
Edna Stillwell
Well, for one thing, he's a wonderful musician.
Red Skelton
Well, so what? Didn't I used to play an organ?
Edna Stillwell
Yeah. Too bad your monkey died.
Red Skelton
What's that? Telegram. Telegram? An epistle for somebody. Hercules. A messenger boy. Well, I ain't a carrier pigeon. Thank goodness me, Mr. Skelton. The customers have just got me all a twitter. What seems to be the trouble, Herky? Well, good heaven. They expect me to have a horse and a suit armor to deliver a Knight letter. Here's two telegrams for you, Ms. Stilwell.
Edna Stillwell
Oh, thank you, Herky.
Red Skelton
You're welcome.
Edna Stillwell
Oh, look. This one says, congratulations on your 24th birthday. Many happy returns of signed Red Skelton.
Red Skelton
Yeah. My ten words Ran out.
Edna Stillwell
Well, thanks anyway. Imagine you sending me a telegram.
Red Skelton
Yes, and imagine him sending it. Collect the old thing.
Edna Stillwell
Would you like to stick around, Herky?
Red Skelton
Well, what are you gonna do?
Edna Stillwell
Well, we're getting ready to play kissing games.
Red Skelton
Oh, good heavens, no. I was at a party last night and I haven't been kissed so much since I was just one of those little teen old babies. You should have seen what happened to Herky. He kissed a girl, fainted and fell down a flight of st. Well, listen, Mr. Skelton, when I kiss him, I say kiss. My goodness, did I wake up this morning with a terrible headache. Well, no wonder, Herky, you kept mixing your drinks. Root beer right on top of sarsaparilla.
Edna Stillwell
Oh, no, he didn't.
Red Skelton
Yes, I did. And along toward the end, I was tossing off straight ginger ale. Well, I gotta go now, Mr. Skelton. I gotta wash out my cowboy underwear. Cowboy underwear? What's that? My Western Union suit. So I'll. Say, Edna, you forgot to read your other telegram. I'll open it. Oh, look, it's from Kansas City, Missouri.
Edna Stillwell
Why, that's my hometown.
Red Skelton
Yeah. Remember that hot shop you used to live over?
Edna Stillwell
Yeah. And you used to live under it.
Dale King
Yeah. Yeah.
Red Skelton
Remember how you used to come over to my house and whistle for the dog?
Edna Stillwell
And you used to come running out.
Red Skelton
Wish everybody had stopped picking on me. Skelton. Everybody's plaything, that's what I am. Here, I'll read the telegram. It says, congratulations on your birthday and my best wishes for your continued success in radio. It is always gratifying to know that another Missouri girl has made good. And it signed, bryce B. Smith, mayor of Kansas City, Missouri.
Edna Stillwell
Well, thank you very, very much for the greatest thrill I'm sure I ever had.
Red Skelton
It's all right. That wasn't in there. But it was very well done. Very well done. Maybe we should continue on. Oh, look.
Spinquest Announcer
What?
Red Skelton
Foley's coming in with a big birthday cake. Hello, Edna. This is a little present from me to you. By the way, have you got a charge account at Henry's Bakery?
Edna Stillwell
No, I haven't.
Dale King
Well, you have now.
Red Skelton
Hey, Foley, you pulled that crack on me once. Yeah, well, I got that one crack, mind. Say, that ain't bad. You know, it seems lately I got jokes in my blood. Yeah, you're a little anemic, ain't you? Come on, let's light up the candles on the birthday cake. Okay, here we go.
Edna Stillwell
Oh, my beautiful cake. Who put those firecrackers on there for candles?
Red Skelton
Well, I did, but I didn't think you'd get sore about it. Gee, I only wanted to make sure that your birthday party would go off with a bang.
Dale King
This year, songwriters are making brand new hits by rewriting songs of long ago. Here's Jeanette with the very latest, a revised version of Park Avenue Fantasy with a glamorous new title, Stepway to the Stars.
Red Skelton
Jeanette.
Jeanette (singing)
Let's build a stairway to the star and climb that let's stairway to the stars with love beside us to fill the night with a song. We'll hear the sound of violin out yonder where the blue begins the moon will guide us as we go drifting along. Can't we sail away on a lazy daisy Pedal over the rim of the
Red Skelton
hill
Jeanette (singing)
can't we sail away on a little dream and settle high on the crest of a thrill? Let's build a stairway to the star A lovely stairway to the star it would be heaven to climb to heaven with you. Let's build a stairway to the star A lovely stairway to the star
Red Skelton
it
Jeanette (singing)
would be heaven to climb to heaven with you.
Spinquest Announcer
You know what? It sucks to be bored. But when I get on my phone and play real casino games on spinquest.com the time flies by. That two hour wait at the DMV seems like 10 minutes. Play your favorite spots live blackjack, live craps with a live dealer. New players $30 coin packs are on sale for 10 bucks. Play spinquest.com and you'll never be bored again.
Red Skelton
Spinquest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.
Herky
Did you know you can save up to 70% on the best brands just by shopping at from rebel.com we're talking about strollers, car seats, high chairs, espresso machines, everything you need for way less. Here's how it works. Every single day, REBBL drops thousands of new products on the site for up to 70% off. It is a constant stream of endless deals from top brands like Uppababy, Nuna, Baby Bjorn, Breville, Nespresso, Kitchenaid, Le Creuset, and more. But you have to act fast because every deal is one of a kind. So if you see something you love, make sure you add to cart fast. So stop paying full price when you don't have to. Whether it's baby gear, kitchen upgrades or a treasure for your home you didn't know you needed, Rebel has it for way less. Up to 70% less. Shop from rebel.com and save big friends.
Dale King
Only when the product is sold on merit and merit alone, can the manufacturer Say, try it once and let it prove its superiority. Well, that's a funny thing, because that's exactly what we say about Avalon cigarettes. Give them just one trial and they prove that the perfect Avalon blend of Turkish and domestic tobaccos is unsurpassed in quality. And still, Avalon's cost 3 to 5 cents less per pack than other popular price brands. Now, is it any wonder they're known throughout the entire nation as the outstanding cigarette value on the market market today. Highest quality at a worthwhile saving. Avalon certainly deserve a trial. Why not pick up a pack tonight? Red Foley and the Avalon Chorus sing one of Nick Kenny's big hits. It's a Lonely trail
Jeanette
Standing at the crossroads don't know where to travel Roads of rock and gravel don't lead me anywhere Just the smoothest highway Somehow isn't my way and nobody seems to care It's a lonely trail when you're traveling all alone. It's a lonely trail when you're just a rolling stone With a lonely star to guide you and a lonely heart inside you Like a ship without a port to call your own It's a lonely trail when you haven't got a friend and the road before you Never seems to end Seems to end But I wouldn't mind life's trouble if I could only travel double It's a lonely thrill when you're traveling all alone.
Red Skelton
Ah, that was swell, Red. Bully. Very good. And now for one of our Gaga sagas. Tonight, I'm going to play the part of my much married ancestor, King Henry VIII Skelton. Now, Edna still will play the part of Catherine Howard, my fifth wife. And playing the role of Earl of Essex will be that noted English actor John Goldsworthy, who has been on Broadway for the past three years looking for work. Now, we've imported Mr. Goldworthy for this part. Set the scene, will you, Dale?
Dale King
Okay, Red. The time, May 27, 1539. The place, the Royal palace in London. As the scene opens, we find King Henry and his wife, Catherine Howard in the banquet hall, awaiting the return of the Earl of Ethics from the Scottish war. The Earl is late and the King is hungry.
Jeanette (singing)
Food.
Red Skelton
Bring me food. Do you hear me? Where are you, scullery knaves? Bring me food. What do you wish? S? Could I have a piece of bread and butter? I mean, bring me a leg of lamb, a peck of potatoes, a half a dozen heads of cabbage, two loaves of bread, bag of pudding and a gallon of wine. Yes, S. Anything else? Then you can bring my dinner. Very good, sire. Oh, I forgot to tell you. The Duke of Norfolk and the Duke of Suffolk want to sleep here tonight. You can't. No wonder people think I like to fight. I'm always putting up my dukes. Now fetch me.
Dale King
Not there.
Red Skelton
Fetch me some vittles to warm my. I'm a growing boy and I need a lot of food.
Edna Stillwell
You stopped growing long ago. All but your stomach.
Dale King
Yeah.
Red Skelton
Katherine Howard, the size of my stomach is my business.
Edna Stillwell
Business, That's a corporation.
Red Skelton
You said it.
Edna Stillwell
Ah, but it's good to see you again, Henry.
Dale King
Yeah.
Red Skelton
Tell me, Kate, while I was in France, were you true to me?
Edna Stillwell
Well, let's see. What day did you leave?
Red Skelton
Ah, you're just like my other four wise. It's the Earl of Essex fault that you're here. He advised me to marry Anne of Cleves. If I hadn't married her, I'd have never divorced her. Now, if I hadn't divorced her and I never married you, the Earl shall pay for this with his head.
Edna Stillwell
Well, I'll be hanged.
Red Skelton
You said it. I never wanted the Essex to fight against Scotland anyway. I'm half scotch myself.
Edna Stillwell
Yeah, half scotch and half soda.
Red Skelton
One more those corny remarks and you'll meet my executioner.
Edna Stillwell
I've met him and he's a pain in the neck. And if you think for one moment that I.
Red Skelton
Control yourself. Don't fly off your off the handle and lose your head. Hear ye announcing. The Earl of Essex, Privy Chancellor, Master of the Jewels, Clerk of the Honeypas, Chancellor at the Exchequer, Secretary to the King, Master of the Rolls and Collector of de Revenue. No wonder there's so many people out of work. That guy's got all the jobs. How now, Essex? Ay, cheery old plum pudding. Yeah, it's nice to see you again after a whole year, my little piece of seller. It's good to be back. What? Oh, I say. Hot third cold bottle, warm fire. Familiar faces. I say, where's Anne of Cleek? Annie doesn't live here anymore. She's one of my ex wives. I'm a. Do you mean you declared another axe dividend, mister? Did you ever try bicarbonate? Oh, I say, old tomato, what do you use for a marriage license? A commutation ticket? It may interest you to know that this year I'm getting me a brand new.
Edna Stillwell
You mean you're changing your earl?
Red Skelton
Yeah. I see by two of you you mean you're going to give me a quick haircut the hard way. That's right. You, Anne of Cleves and Catherine here. A threesome. Yes. Oh, I say. Oh boy, do try and dig up a fourth, won't you? Not that I really mind going, you know. Or I'll carry chin up, white tie for dinner, spell it out for the team and all that sort of rot.
Edna Stillwell
Well, really, Henry, I've been true to you.
Red Skelton
Oh, yeah? Then how come I saw you kissing the Duke of Norfolk last night?
Edna Stillwell
Well, I can't imagine unless you were peeking through the window.
Red Skelton
I say, Henry, don't you think you've put enough wives away? You know, four of them. No, only three. I had nothing to do with Lady Jane Seymour's booting the pail, huh? Kicking a buck into you. Something suspicious about Lady Jane. She died a natural death. But my next wife. My next wife will do as I say. I say. You mean you're going to marry again? That's right. I'm going to marry Lady Catherine Parr. She'll be my sixth and last wife. History may say I didn't know what the score was when it came to miss marriage but it will say I finished with pa.
Dale King
Remember, friends, Avalon cigarettes give you highest quality but cost 3 to 5 cents less than other popular price brands and they're 100% union made and when you can get supreme quality In Avalon's for less why pay more? So the next time ask for Avalon
Edna Stillwell
and don't forget your change yes, Avalon
Red Skelton
cigarettes, dear friends Cost several cents less and up you too can save the stifferents like all of us Avalon brothers each pack is wrapped in cellophane each pack is union made the wonder folks from coast to coast say Avalons lead the parade so why not always travel on with Avalons.
Dale King
Yes, you'd never guess but avalons cost only $0.10 cents plus city or state tax Hope that you like tonight's show, friends and we cordially invite you to be with us next Saturday evening at the same time when the Brown and Williamson Tobacco Corporation will again present Avalon Time. Del King speaking.
Red Skelton
Good night everybody.
Dale King
Heard on this program the ladies in
Red Skelton
love with you from Some Like It Hot. Avalon Time has come to you from our Chicago studios. This is the National Broadcasting Company,
Dale King
Weaf new york. 9:00pm b u l o v a boulevard watch time.
Spinquest Announcer
Forget whatever plans you have this weekend because you're staying at home and playing on Spin Court Quest. And there's never been a better time to sign up than right now. New users get 30 coin packs for just $10. All the table games you love with hundreds of slot games and real cash Prizes. That's at spinquest.com S P I N Q U S T.com Spin Quest is
Red Skelton
a free to play social casino. Void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. I'm here on the job site with Dale, who's a framing contractor. Hey, good morning. Dale traded up to Geico Commercial Auto Insurance for all his business vehicles. We're here where he needs us most. Yep, they sure are. We make it easy for him to save on all his insurance needs, all in one place with coverage that fits his business and bottom line. Oh, I shouldn't have looked down. It's all right. We're so far up here.
Dale King
Look at me.
Red Skelton
Take a deep breath. I'm good. So good.
Dale King
Get a commercial auto insurance quote today@geico.com
Red Skelton
and see how much you could save. It feels good.
Dale King
To Geico.
Avalon Time - Edna's Birthday Party
Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Date: March 17, 2026
This episode of Avalon Time, re-broadcast on Harold’s Old Time Radio, transports listeners back to the golden age of radio variety and comedy. The show is centered around the celebration of Edna Stillwell’s birthday, featuring music, comedic sketches, and lighthearted banter among classic radio personalities Red Skelton, Dale King, Edna Stillwell, Jeanette, and special guests. The episode captures the spirit of its era with musical numbers, humorous exchanges, and a parody historical skit, all bound together by a warm, familial atmosphere.
| Segment | Timestamps | |---------|------------| | Opening Banter & World's Fair Stories | 01:01–03:59 | | "Swinging Down the Old Orchard Lane" (Jeanette song) | 03:59–05:50 | | Cigarette Ad, General Banter | 05:50–09:20 | | Party Preparations | 09:26–12:32 | | Party Gags & Gift-giving | 12:32–15:07 | | Telegrams & Kissing Game Banter | 15:07–17:18 | | Birthday Cake Gag | 17:25–18:03 | | "Stepway to the Stars" (Jeanette song) | 18:32–20:44 | | "It's a Lonely Trail" (Jeanette song) | 23:33–25:41 | | Comedy Sketch: King Henry VIII | 25:41–32:03 | | Closing Medley & Final Jokes | 32:03–32:50 |
Avalon Time – Edna's Birthday Party is a time capsule of radio comedy and variety, celebrating not just Edna’s birthday but an entire era’s approach to entertainment. With expert comic timing, classic songs, and sketches that wink at their own silliness, the episode is a delight for old-time radio enthusiasts and newcomers alike. Notable for its revelatory musical performances, rollicking group chemistry, and the indomitable spirit of Red Skelton’s humor, it stands as a testament to the enduring warmth of radio’s golden age.