Barnaby 1945-06-12 Planting A Victory Garden

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio – "Barnaby 1945-06-12 Planting A Victory Garden"

Introduction

In this captivating episode of Harold's Old Time Radio, titled "Barnaby 1945-06-12 Planting A Victory Garden," listeners are transported back to the Golden Age of Radio. Hosted by Harold's Old Time Radio, the episode gracefully blends nostalgic storytelling with engaging dialogues, bringing to life the beloved characters from the classic radio era. Released on April 10, 2025, this episode features a star-studded cast including Frank Morgan, Ralph Bellamy, Reginald Gardner, Norma Nilsen, and others, who breathe new life into the enchanting tale of Barnaby and his mystical adventures.

Host Introduction

The episode begins with an introduction by Larry Keating, setting the stage for an evening of leisurely listening. At [00:30], Keating warmly welcomes the audience and introduces the ensemble cast:

Larry Keating [00:30]: "On behalf of the actors, the musicians, and the authors connected with this program, we beg your indulgence for the next 30 minutes, more or less..."

He elaborates on the characters and the creative liberties taken for this presentation, notably casting Norma Nilsen as the little girl Barnaby instead of the original boy, adding a fresh twist to the classic narrative.

Main Plot: Planting a Victory Garden

The heart of the episode unfolds as the story of Barnaby and his fairy godfather, Mr. O'Malley, takes center stage. Set in the exclusive Gentleman's Club, Barnaby awaits his fairy godfather's assistance in planting a victory garden—a crucial endeavor reflecting the post-World War II sentiment of self-sufficiency and community spirit.

Key Characters and Interactions

1. Barnaby Baxter (Tiny Norma Nilsen):

   • The protagonist, a child whose fairy godfather, Mr. O'Malley, helps him navigate whimsical adventures.
   • Barnaby [17:44]: "Well, Barnaby, you've been waiting here almost half an hour now. I guess your father's talking some pretty big business inside."

2. Mr. O'Malley (Ralph Bellamy):

   • Barnaby's enigmatic fairy godfather who manifests as a small man with a cigar.
   • Mr. O'Malley [21:28]: "Hello, Barnaby."

3. Reginald Gardner (Reginald Gardner):

   • Barnaby's affable and witty father, eager to involve Mr. O'Malley in the gardening project.
   • Reginald Gardner [23:25]: "Mr. O'Malley, would you help me with my victory garden?"

4. Norma Nilsen (Norma Nilsen):

   • Barnaby's mother, who balances practicality with a touch of fantasy.
   • Norma Nilsen [21:08]: "Barnaby, the whole point of this victory garden is to get your mind off O'Malley."

Notable Quotes and Key Moments

• Mystical Introduction to Mr. O'Malley:

  • Mr. O'Malley [21:28]: "Hello, Barnaby."
  • This moment establishes Mr. O'Malley's presence and his role as a magical helper.

• Conflict Over the Presence of a Woman in the Club:

  • Norma Nilsen [05:03]: "I'm surprised to see you in here at all. How did you get past the cloakroom today?"
  • Highlights societal tensions of the time regarding gender roles.

• The Magic of Planting Beans:

  • Ralph Bellamy [24:27]: "Well, it's the same way with a bean. Its mother and father were beans. Little beans are just like you are. Only they live under the ground where it's dark."
  • Illustrates the blend of mundane tasks with magical elements in the story.

• Encounter with the Giant Atlas:

  • Mr. O'Malley [27:21]: "Barnaby, meet Atlas."
  • Reginald Gardner [27:34]: "How do you do? You're awfully small for a giant."
  • This encounter brings a humorous twist, merging fantasy with everyday life.

• The Climax – Making It Rain:

  • Mr. O'Malley [24:25]: "Rain, Barnaby."
  • Ralph Bellamy [29:19]: "Rain."
  • The culmination of Barnaby's magical journey, blending logical reasoning with magical outcomes.

Themes and Insights

• Post-War Optimism and Self-Sufficiency:

  • The concept of planting a victory garden symbolizes the era's emphasis on self-reliance and contributing to communal well-being.

• Fantasy vs. Reality:

  • Barnaby's interactions with Mr. O'Malley blur the lines between imagination and reality, emphasizing the importance of belief and creativity in overcoming life's challenges.

• Gender Roles and Social Norms:

  • The narrative subtly addresses contemporary societal attitudes towards women in traditionally male-dominated spaces, reflecting the evolving dynamics of the 1940s.

Conclusion

"Barnaby 1945-06-12 Planting A Victory Garden" stands as a testament to the enduring charm of old-time radio storytelling. Through its rich characters, whimsical plot, and thoughtful themes, the episode captures the essence of an era where radio was the heartbeat of family entertainment. With engaging dialogues and memorable moments, Harold's Old Time Radio successfully brings nostalgia to life, offering both longtime enthusiasts and new listeners a delightful journey back in time.

Notable Moments in the Episode:

• Introduction of characters and setting by Larry Keating.
• Barnaby's quest to plant a victory garden with the help of Mr. O'Malley.
• The humorous and magical interactions with the giant Atlas.
• The resolution where logical reasoning meets magical realism, encapsulating the show's charm.

Listeners unacquainted with the original broadcast will find this episode both entertaining and insightful, offering a window into the storytelling prowess of the Golden Age of Radio.

Transcript

[Amica Insurance]

At Amica Insurance, we know it's more than a life policy. It's about the promise and the responsibility that comes with being a new parent, being there day and night and building a plan for tomorrow today for the ones you'll always look out for. Trust Amica Life Insurance. Amica empathy is our best policy.

[Larry Keating]

On behalf of the actors, the musicians and the authors connected with this program, we beg your indulgence for the next 30 minutes, more or less, and ask you to appraise a new radio presentation designed especially for leisurely listening. My name is Larry Keating and the delightful music enhancing this announcement is being provided by Albert Sack and his orchestra. Soon you'll be introduced to some of your favorite personalities who are gathered at the entirely mythical Gentleman's Club in the order of their appearance. You'll meet the irrepressible Frank Morgan, the affable and gifted Ralph Bellamy, and the impeccable and witty Reginald Gardner. Later, you'll witness the bringing to life of that gem of all comic strip characters, Barnaby. Mr. Crockett Johnson, who created Barnaby, pictured the child as a little boy and still does, for that matter. However, using Peter Pan, which was portrayed by the eminent Maud Adams as a president, we prevailed upon Mr. Johnson to let us use a little girl in the title role. So Barnaby will be played by tiny Norma Nilsen. Now it's my extreme pleasure to present the beautiful South American singing star of Paramount Pictures, Miss August Anwan.

[Frank Morgan]

Good, good, good.

[Reginald Gardner]

That's you.

[Frank Morgan]

That's you. Fine, fine, fine. That's you. That's you. Nice, nice, nice. That's you. That's you. Good, good, good. That's you. That's you. Your tasty lips are sweeter than a lollipop. But every time I kiss you, how I, How I hate to stop. I wreck my brain to find the proper adjective A sentimental with you. Good, good, good. That's you. That's you. Fine, fine, fine. That's you. That's you. Nice, nice, nice. That's you. That's you. Good, good, good. That's you. That's you. I never went to Eton University. Therefore, I have a limited vocabulary. And so I use the language that I have on hand while making love to you on your veranda. C, C, C, baby. That's you. That's you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's you. That's you. And so I use the language that I have on hand for making love to you and your Vera. That's you. That's you. Good, good, good.

[Reginald Gardner]

Sweet, sweet, sweet.

[Frank Morgan]

Fine.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Come.

[Frank Morgan]

Good, good, good. Let you. May I check your hat, sir?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Oh, yes. Thank you.

[Reginald Gardner]

To all the members. And all day I've looked forward to meeting the most handsome one.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Ah, you have?

[Reginald Gardner]

What time does Mr. Gardner usually come in?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Gardner? Well, just take care of that hat. It's a new one.

[David]

Well, good evening, Mr. Morgan. You're right on the top of day, as usual.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, good evening, David. I see they haven't replaced you with a woman yet.

[David]

No, sir. Shall I get you a table in the dining room, sir?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, a little later, David. I'll have a bourbon in the library first before dinner. Better make it two. I never eat on an empty stomach. Any phone calls, David?

[David]

Yes, sir.

[Ralph Bellamy]

There were five calls. Five?

[David]

Two young ladies and three gentlemen.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Fine.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Let me have their numbers.

[David]

Here they are, sir.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Both of them hot. Thank you. Now, hurry with my aperitif, Davis, and be sure Carl gets the proper proportions the way I like them.

[David]

Well, he'll get the right amount of bourbon, sir, but he may be a little off on the water.

[Ralph Bellamy]

I can't stand the stuff straight. Better have him just serve it in a damp glass.

[David]

Yes, sir.

[Norma Nilsen]

Well, hello, Frank.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, good evening, Ralph.

[Norma Nilsen]

I'm surprised to see you in here at all. How did you get past the cloakroom today?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Cloakroom? Yes.

[Norma Nilsen]

Don't tell me you didn't notice her on your little hat Check.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Girl. Oh, her. I didn't give that girl a second thought.

[Norma Nilsen]

What?

[Ralph Bellamy]

I was too busy with the first one. Cute, isn't she?

[Norma Nilsen]

You know, Frank, the presence of a woman in the gentleman's club has created quite a furor among the more sedate members.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, what's wrong with having a woman in the gentleman's room? A cop?

[Norma Nilsen]

Well, Levson is furious. Says if he's re elected president, the girl will have to go.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, that's the trouble with his mausoleum. It's time they chose a younger man around things.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Good evening, gentlemen.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Oh, hello, Gardner. Ralph, I think I'd make an excellent president. My vision is clear, my mind is keen, and my hand is steady.

[Norma Nilsen]

How are your legs?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Hollow. Hello. The more I think of it, Bellamy, the more I'm convinced I'd make a wonderful president.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

We don't have a president in England. King, you know.

[Norma Nilsen]

But, Frank, you've got to be elected first.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

The king is born to it.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, I'll put my name up immediately.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Lives all his life in pomp and circumstance.

[Norma Nilsen]

And you think you'll pull many circumstances?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, at least a few pomps of it. What are we talking about?

[Arthur Q. Brian]

King?

[Norma Nilsen]

No, we Weren't we were discussing presidents? Frank, you haven't got a chance against Hudson.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Oh, fiddle faddle.

[Norma Nilsen]

Hudson has been club president for 14 years. Besides, he's held some pretty important political job from the outside.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, I'm not exactly an abecedarian myself. The climax of my political career, I was known as Honest Frank Morgan. Friend of the working girl.

[Norma Nilsen]

Friend of the working girl.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Unfortunately, I got a little too friendly with one of them and run out of town.

[Norma Nilsen]

I see. And so you retired to Pasadena and opened the stud farm for guppies.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Not at all. I bounded back into politics like a rubber ball. I was sought after by both the Democrats and the Republicans.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

In England, they're known as conservatives.

[Ralph Bellamy]

How interesting.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Three years later, my second cousin was a conservative.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Yeah? Yes.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

He stood for swimming bath instructor in the by elections at Chatham. Lovely town, Chatham. Famous for its puggly woogle woogly woggle sort of toffee. Tastes like a mixture of sheep dip and cracker dust. The street urchins stand about munching them like so many little gnomes.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, that's fine. Well, I. Duties are.

[David]

No, sir.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Singular noise. The peppermint ones sound like this.

[Ralph Bellamy]

And.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

The chutney ones sound more like this.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Mouth watering, isn't it?

[Arthur Q. Brian]

When 10 or 12 of the little bakers get together, it sounds like a Hotchkiss reciprocating force pump draining a peat bog in Clonak Hilty.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, never mind that. What happened to your cousin?

[Arthur Q. Brian]

I really can't say. Well, on election night, he won a barrel of beer and slipped through the bung hole. And we haven't heard from him since.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Gardner, when I look at you, I realize the value of a black ball.

[Norma Nilsen]

On the contrary, Frank, I think you can learn a great deal from Reggie's cousin.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Don't be childish. I've fallen through more bungholes than any man. Politics, Ralph. 1936, I achieved my greatest political recognition as Ambassador Plenipotentiary to the Court of St. James. No doubt, Reggie, you will remember.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Let me see. 1936.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Yes.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

What year did that fall on?

[Norma Nilsen]

Don't quibble, reggie. Let's assume 1936 fell on 1936. Go ahead, Mike.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Thank you. I had no sooner arrived in England than the State Department recalled me for violation of diplomatic protocol.

[Norma Nilsen]

What did you do?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, there was some fuss about the way I entered the court. It seems I had the only attache case that ever leaked on the royal carpet.

[Norma Nilsen]

Frank, you had a bottle in your attache case.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, it wasn't a cocker spaniel on my Return to Washington. I immediately went to the State Department to explain my conduct. I had a conference with Under Secretary of State Wells.

[Norma Nilsen]

Was he sympathetic?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Yeah, after a fashion. When he heard my story, he told me to go to Hull. Least I thought that's what he said. And.

[Norma Nilsen]

And so ends the incident of the leaky briefcase.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Not by a long shot. A few well chosen words and I had the secretary eating out of my hand in a twice I received one of the most coveted assignments in diplomatic circles. Suffice it to say that it was known as the tinderbox of Europe.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

I have it. What 1936 did fall On 1936 I.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Was instructed to negotiate with a power behind the throne. The beautiful and glamorous Princess June of the House of Murphy. I'll admit I was greatly impressed. After all, I was but a typical clean cut American boy from the Urichell.

[Norma Nilsen]

I can well imagine.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Suddenly, as I was reclining in the vicinity of the punch bowl, there was a fanfare of trumpets. And down the great staircase came the beautiful princess of June. She was in the full bloom of queenly womanhood. A striking figure in a form fitting gown of white satin and ermine. She reminded me of nothing so much as a beautiful song.

[Norma Nilsen]

The Princess Waltz.

[Ralph Bellamy]

No, June is busting out all over. As I looked over the palatial palace grounds, I was impressed by the beauty of the scene. Needless to say, it was nothing like New Rochelle.

[Norma Nilsen]

I don't suppose so.

[Ralph Bellamy]

The princess stood there close to me with the Baltic moon framing her fragile beauty. Ah, yes. It was nothing like New Rochelle.

[Norma Nilsen]

Go on, Frank.

[Ralph Bellamy]

As the scent of her intoxicating perfume engulfed me, she was suddenly in my arms. I kissed her.

[Norma Nilsen]

Yes.

[Ralph Bellamy]

And from there on I was just like New Rochelle.

[Larry Keating]

A musical diversion by Albert Sack and his orchestra With August San Juan we present Jose and Nestor, the Brazilian sensations from Walt Disney's the Three Caballeros in Tico.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Tico.

[David]

It's.

[Amica Insurance]

At Amica Insurance we know it's more than a life policy. It's about the promise and the responsibility that comes with being a new parent. Being there day and night and building a plan for tomorrow today for the ones you'll always look out for. Trust Amica Life Insurance Amica Empathy is our best policy.

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[Larry Keating]

Barnaby the adventures of Barnaby and the child's fairy godfather. Mr. O'Malley, the Lilliputian gentleman with pink wings and ever present cigar are followed avidly each day by millions of delighted newspaper readers. Since no adult has ever actually seen O'Malley, Barnaby's bewildered parents are inclined to believe their otherwise normal child is subject to hallucinations, or at least given to fantasy making. But Mr. O'Malley does exist, as you shall soon see and hear for yourselves. At this very moment, Barnaby sits in the carpeted foyer of the exclusive Gentleman's Club, waiting for Pop, played by Ralph Bellamy.

[David]

Well, Barnaby, you've been waiting here almost half an hour now. I guess your father's talking some pretty big business inside.

[Reginald Gardner]

Oh, I don't mind waiting, but I wish you had some more interesting magazines.

[David]

What are you reading there?

[Reginald Gardner]

The Wall Street Journal. But I don't understand it very well.

[David]

Well, between you and me, Barnaby, most of the gentlemen here don't understand it neither.

[Reginald Gardner]

I'll bet Mr. O'Malley understands it, Mr. Oh, who? Mr. O'Malley. He's a member here.

[David]

I've been here 12 years and I ain't never heard of any of Mr. O'Malley.

[Reginald Gardner]

Oh, I'm sure he belongs to the club. He told me so himself.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Oh, David.

[David]

Yes, Mr. Reggie?

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Would you ask at the desk and see?

[David]

Oh, hello.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Who's the infant?

[David]

This is Barnaby Baxter, sir, asking for Mr. O'Malley. I don't recall any member by that name.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

I'm afraid I don't either. What does he look like?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Little boy.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, he's not very tall. He smokes a cigar and has a turned up nose. And I'm not a little boy. I'm a little girl.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

I. I thought Barnaby was a boy.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, Crockett Johnson, who created the character, gave me permission to be a little girl. And I'll thank you, Mr. Gardner, to keep sex out of.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Well, about this Mr. O'Malley, does he have any distinguishing characteristics?

[Reginald Gardner]

No, but he does wear a green overcoat and a pair of pink wings.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Well, I'm afraid I don't know him, miss. None of our members wears a green overcoat.

[David]

Excuse me, miss, but did you say pink wings?

[Reginald Gardner]

That's right.

[David]

You know, come to think of it, Mr. Reggie, that's why Herbert left.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Oh, did he have pink wings, too?

[David]

No, sir. Herbert was a cloakroom boy. Last week, after the Big banquet left over in the cloak room was three umbrellas, a gray fedora and a pair of pink wings.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

I suppose it gave him a bit of a start.

[David]

Yes, sir. He figured if the angels was pressing him that clothes, he better take his home and lay it out.

[Reginald Gardner]

Oh, I'm sure Those wings were Mr. O'Malley's little girl.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

I hate to disillusion you, but are you positive that this O'Malley person isn't just an hallucination?

[Reginald Gardner]

No, he's my fairy godfather.

[David]

Fairy godfather? Uh oh, Herbert, move over.

[Reginald Gardner]

Oh, you're just like my parents. They don't believe in Mr. O'Malley either.

[Norma Nilsen]

There you are, Barnaby. I'm all finished with my business. We better be getting home now.

[Reginald Gardner]

But Pop, can't I say and see Mr. O'Malley?

[Norma Nilsen]

Not tonight.

[Arthur Q. Brian]

Well, don't tell me you've heard of this O'Malley too?

[Norma Nilsen]

Oh, I hear about him all the time, Reggie. He carries a cigar as a wand. And he has a friend named Gus the Ghost. Well, see you tomorrow, gardener. Come on, Bonnie.

[Reginald Gardner]

What did you buy in a hardware store, Pop?

[Norma Nilsen]

Seeds, Barnaby, I thought it'd be nice if you planted a victory garden out here in the backyard.

[Reginald Gardner]

That's fine. I'll get Mr. O'Malley to help me.

[Norma Nilsen]

Barnaby, the whole point of this victory garden is to get your mind off O'Malley. You start planting these beans and I'll go in and put on my old clothes.

[Reginald Gardner]

All right, pop. Oh, gosh. Mr. O'Malley won't like us doing the hardest part without him. I guess I'll start digging over here.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Hello, Barnaby.

[Reginald Gardner]

Mr. O'Malley. I looked for you at the Gentleman's Club, but they said you weren't there.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Yes, well, I went in the back way. Gus the Ghost and I were inspecting the premises. He's considering haunting it, you know. Seems he's a little disgusted with his present position.

[Reginald Gardner]

Isn't he happy in the old Jackson place?

[Ralph Bellamy]

No, he has trouble getting laundry service out there. The only ones who'll go out that far is the Dainty Didi Laundry Company. Gus says no self respecting ghost would be caught dead in those things.

[Reginald Gardner]

Mr. O'Malley, would you help me with my victory garden?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Poor Gus. He always had some problem or other. A few years back he had a good steady job lined up as Phantom of the Opera. But he couldn't clear it with Petrillo. Barnaby, what are you planning there?

[Reginald Gardner]

Pink beans?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Cushla McCree. How unimaginative.

[Reginald Gardner]

In a book. A beanstalk got so big a boy Named Jack climbed up it and he met a giant and he got a bag of gold.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Likely story. What you ought to plant is Cypropedia rarus.

[Reginald Gardner]

What's that?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Orchids, of course. Everyone knows that.

[Reginald Gardner]

I never heard of anyone climbing an orchid.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, you don't climb them, Barnaby. You wear them.

[Reginald Gardner]

You mean they have sleeves?

[Ralph Bellamy]

No. Women put them on to make themselves more attractive. It's called a corsage.

[Reginald Gardner]

Oh, yes. Mother has an awful time with hers.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Yes, well, that's another thing entirely. Well, now that we've decided on orchids, I'll go and get the seeds.

[Reginald Gardner]

But, Mr. O'Malley. Oh, my. He's gone.

[Norma Nilsen]

Well, Barnaby, do we have our little beans all safely tucked away in their earthy beds?

[Reginald Gardner]

No, Pop. I'm not planting beans. We're going to raid Cypripedia raris.

[Norma Nilsen]

What's that?

[Reginald Gardner]

Orchids, of course. Everybody knows that.

[Norma Nilsen]

Barnaby, you can't grow orchids in your backyard.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, Mr. O'Malley, my fairy God.

[Norma Nilsen]

Oh, I might have known he was behind this. Whose advice you gonna follow? Mine or that fanciful character you dream about?

[Reginald Gardner]

All right, Pop. I'll plant beans.

[David]

Good.

[Norma Nilsen]

If you run into any trouble, I'll be in the house reading a book on child psychology.

[Reginald Gardner]

I'll be all right.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Bad news, Barnaby. Not a single organ seed to be had at the hardware store. Such a big demand for them, I suppose.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, it really doesn't matter, Mr. O'Malley. Because I've decided to plant beans after all.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Beans? Barnaby, whose advice are you going to follow in this matter?

[Reginald Gardner]

For gosh, Mr. O'Malley.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Very well, Barnaby. We'll plant beans.

[Reginald Gardner]

Mr. O'Malley, his bean seeds look just like all other seeds.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, of course.

[Reginald Gardner]

Well, before it starts to grow. How does it know to grow up to be a bean?

[Ralph Bellamy]

That's a very good question. Now, if you'll just dig over there, I think I'll tell you.

[Reginald Gardner]

Wouldn't it be awfully disappointed if. If it grew up to be an asparagus?

[Ralph Bellamy]

But that couldn't happen, Barnaby. You didn't grow up to be a horse because your mother and father weren't horses.

[Reginald Gardner]

I'm glad. I wouldn't like to pull a milk wagon.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, it's the same way with a bean. Its mother and father were beans. Little beans are just like you are. Only they live under the ground where it's dark.

[Reginald Gardner]

If there's no light. How do they study their homework?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, they don't. But it's so dark down there, the teachers don't know the difference.

[Reginald Gardner]

Do you think I dug the holes deep enough, Mr. O'Malley?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Oh, yes, that's fine. You can put the seeds in now. That's right. Space them well. Now pat the earth down over them.

[Reginald Gardner]

There. Now what do we do next?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Nothing. All we have to do is stand around and watch them grow. It's funny. There's nothing coming up yet.

[Reginald Gardner]

They probably need water. I think I'll go get the sprinkling can.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, there's no need for that, Barnaby. If you really want water, I'd be only too happy to prod the elements a bit with my magic wand.

[Reginald Gardner]

Gosh, Mr. O'Malley, can you make it rain just by waving your cigar?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Certainly.

[Reginald Gardner]

Make it rain, Mr. O'Malley.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, I don't know. The last time I performed such a feat. I got rather a nasty letter from the Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce.

[Reginald Gardner]

Make it rain, Mr. O'Malley, please. The bean will go into a big beanstalk and I can climb up and see the giant.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Giant? Well, if it's a giant you want to see, there's no use making it rain at all. I happen to be acquainted with a well established practicing giant myself. Ran into him in the woods only yesterday.

[Reginald Gardner]

That's wonderful. When can I see him?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, I'll be happy to give you a formal introduction right now.

[Reginald Gardner]

Let's hurry before it gets dark.

[Ralph Bellamy]

We'll. We'll just keep walking, Barnaby. We'll run into the giant along here somewhere.

[Reginald Gardner]

Oh, I'm scared, Mr. O'Malley. I'll bet he's big and ferocious and carries a huge club.

[David]

Shh.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Quiet. I think I heard something move. It's the giant. He's coming out of the bushes. Hello, Atlas. Barnaby. Barnaby, meet Atlas.

[Reginald Gardner]

How do you do? You're awfully small for a giant. You must be the new dehydrated model.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Don't be too critical of Atlas, Barnaby. He's a mental giant.

[Reginald Gardner]

That's a funny looking club he's carrying.

[Ralph Bellamy]

That's not a club. That's a slide rule. No matter what you want to know, it'll give you the correct answer.

[Reginald Gardner]

Mr. Atlas, can you make it rain with your sliding rules?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Of course not. No one can make it rain.

[Reginald Gardner]

Mr. O'Malley can't, just by waving his cigar.

[Ralph Bellamy]

O'Malley, what have you been telling this child? You know it's impossible to make it rain. It's not impossible. I can prove it's impossible. Give me a minute with my slide rule and I'll prove he can't make it rain. If I were to wave my wedgie wand like this. You'll see, O'Malley, you'll be clouding the problem with mysticism now. I'll figure it out in a jiffy. C squared over phi equals C phi sum. Carry the fold, dangle the thumb, add two C's three times five.

[Reginald Gardner]

Mr. O'Malley, it's raining.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, of course it was no trouble at all for a man of my ingenuity. X PI square over coefficient of 6 million plus the dew point. I could easily prove you can't make it rain if my slide rule wasn't getting all wet. So much for your theories, Atlas. Come along, Barnaby.

[Reginald Gardner]

Gee, Mr. O'Malley, it was wonderful the way you made it rain with your magic wand.

[Ralph Bellamy]

Now that we're alone. Confidentially, Barnaby, I didn't use the magic wand.

[Reginald Gardner]

You didn't?

[Ralph Bellamy]

No.

[Reginald Gardner]

Then how did you make it rain?

[Ralph Bellamy]

By the simple process of deductive reasoning.

[Reginald Gardner]

What does that mean?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Well, today, for the first time this month, I left my umbrella at home and forgot to wear my rubber. Us. It all adds up to just one thing.

[Reginald Gardner]

What's that, Mr. O'Malley?

[Ralph Bellamy]

Rain, Barnaby.

[David]

Rain.

[Reginald Gardner]

Cush. The McCree.

[Larry Keating]

A few more seconds now to remind you this is. Listen to Frank Morgan, Retro Gardner. Ralph Bellamy, August San Juan. The Brazilian jive experts Jose Oliveira and Nestor Amaral. The Gentleman's Club bar steward James Vasquez. The metal giant Arthur Q. Brian and Tiny Norman Ilson as Barnaby. This program is a Phil Rap presentation written by Joseph Connolly and Robert Mosher and directed by Mr. Rachel.

[Amica Insurance]

@ Amica Insurance, we know it's more than a life policy. It's about the promise and the responsibility that comes with being a new parent. Being there day and night and building a plan for tomorrow today for the ones you'll always look out for. Trust Amica Life Insurance. Amica Empathy is our best policy.