Bertha And Karl Bertha - Gets Grilled

Summary

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Harold’s Old Time Radio

Episode: Bertha And Karl Bertha - Gets Grilled
Date: April 5, 2026
Main Theme:
A comedic, satirical adventure in the tradition of classic Golden Age radio, this episode follows Bertha as she’s interrogated by the menacing Carl while other side characters get drawn into ever-more absurd plotlines involving mistaken identities, confessions, and even a plot for revenge, all with a tongue-in-cheek homage to radio drama conventions.

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Episode Overview

In “Bertha Gets Grilled (Part Two),” listeners are swept into the ongoing saga of Bertha—a plucky, self-effacing heroine from Pratt Falls. She finds herself imprisoned in a grimy dungeon, starved and pressured by the intimidating Carl (in his signature neck brace), who demands answers about her mysterious husbands. Interwoven vignettes feature flashbacks to Bertha's wild romantic past, including disastrous marriages, comic barroom brawls, and absurd criminal plots, all delivered with a sharp wit and delightful wordplay reminiscent of the era’s best radio serials.

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Key Discussion Points & Episode Highlights

1. Bertha’s Interrogation by Carl

[00:30 – 02:29]

• Bertha, locked in a dungeon, spars verbally with Carl, who tries to coerce information about her husbands using culinary threats.
• Their exchange is droll and rapid-fire, with Bertha feigning confusion over which husband Carl wants to hear about, and bartering worthless scraps (“a jelly bean,” “old stale mashed potatoes”) for sustenance.
• Memorable exchange:
  • Carl (01:27): “What was your husband doing that was so important to my government? Answer the question.”
  • Bertha (01:38): “What do you want me to do? Tell you about every husband I’ve had until you get to the one you want?”
• The food-based standoff escalates until Carl, exasperated, threatens to feed her coveted pork shoulder to the dungeon rats.

2. Flashback: The Leo Nightclub Fiasco

[02:29 – 06:34]

• Bertha tells the not-so-tragic story of her marriage to Leo.
• Set in a smoky nightclub, Bertha and Eunice blag their way into drinks, suspect gangsters lurk, and a brawl erupts—culminating in mistaken insults and culinary confusion.
• Notable comedic moment:
  • Bertha (03:13): “Yes, I’ll have an... Grasshopper. Is that the green one?...”
• The chaos peaks when a knife-wielding sailor is involved in a scuffle, Leo faints, and—via physical comedy and wordplay—ends up accidentally stabbed.
• Bertha’s eulogy (06:18): “Oh, my poor, poor Leo. Oh, you were so young, so strong, so cute in your jammies. And that was how Leo died.”

3. Return to the Dungeon: Hunger and Dr. Tensor’s Green Stuff

[06:34 – 08:05]

• Carl is dissatisfied with Bertha’s story and, to her chagrin, has eaten the roast pork shoulder during her monologue.
• The banter shifts towards increasingly gross food requests (“a sugar beet, a raw pork chop, some rancid butter”), and histrionic complaints about physical aches.
• Comic product plug: Bertha offers Carl a mystery ointment:
  • Bertha (07:18): “It’s Dr. Tensor’s Green Stuff from the makers of Dr. Tensor’s muscle tonic. Try some.”
  • Carl (07:29): “It tastes a little like mint and a lot like creosote.”
  • Bertha (07:33): “You’re not supposed to eat it, silly. You just rub a little green stuff onto your skin...”
• This segment satirizes the overt sponsorships of old radio shows.

4. Eunice’s Noir-ish Side Quest

[08:41 – 10:14]

• On the docks in New Orleans, Bertha’s best friend Eunice attempts to hire a hitman (Freddy Tucker) to take out a mystery target—referenced only as an “affair of the heart.”
• The dialogue plays with hardboiled tropes and euphemisms for murder.
  • Eunice (09:40): “Let’s just say it’s an affair of the heart.”
  • Carl/Freddy (09:52): “He done you wrong.”
• The transaction (“here is my life savings and a plane ticket to Acapulco”) is conducted with comic nonchalance and sly innuendos.

5. Sybil’s Farcical Search for Bertha

[10:26 – 12:06]

• Sybil Curtley, Bertha’s self-declared enemy, searches door-to-door for Bertha, using business cards and awkward small talk.
• Funny exchange about names:
  • Unidentified Man (11:00): “Must be difficult to go through public school with a name like that.”
  • Sybil (11:03): “Well, yes.”
• Sybil imagines the entire town as her alibi, should anything untoward happen to Bertha.

6. Cliffhanger and Teaser for Next Episode

[12:06 – 12:33]

• The narrator sets up next episode’s intrigue: Will Sybil find Bertha? Will Bertha finally answer Carl’s question? Has Eunice really hired a killer?
• Cliffhanger call:
  • Carl/Freddy (12:25): “Hi, I met this Dr. Wagner and he’s a real sweet guy. And now we’re going steady. Tomorrow on the further adventures of Bertha and Carl…”

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Bertha’s many husbands:

  • Carl (01:28): “What was your husband doing that was so important to my government?”
  • Bertha (01:38): “What do you want me to do? Tell you about every husband I’ve had until you get to the one you want?”

• Comic monologue about a gangster bar:

  • Bertha (02:39): “It was smoky and noisy and smelled of old whiskey, face powder, lipstick, cigars, and greasy food. I loved it.”

• Product spoof:

  • Bertha (07:44): “Dr. Tensor’s green stuff is an unobtrusive, soothing analgesic balm that will take away the pain and replace it with a good feeling... comes in regular mint, creosote, or unscented.”

• Hitman hire gone absurd:

  • Carl/Freddy (09:56): “Made a little bump and run, huh?”
  • Eunice (09:58): “Bump and run?”
  • Carl/Freddy (10:03): “Never mind. Give me the ticket.”

• Sybil’s campaign:

  • Sybil (11:00): “It must be difficult to go through public school with a name like that.”
  • Sybil (11:03): “Well, yes...”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment Description | Timestamp | |----------------------------------------|-----------| | Opening narration/context | 00:30 | | Bertha interrogated by Carl | 01:13-02:29| | Flashback: Leo nightclub story | 02:29-06:34| | Return to dungeon; Green Stuff bit | 06:34-08:05| | Eunice’s hitman scene | 08:41-10:14| | Sybil’s search for Bertha |10:26-12:06| | Cliffhanger/teaser for next episode |12:06-12:33|

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Tone & Style

The episode is a playful, tongue-in-cheek pastiche that keeps the spirit of Golden Age radio alive with:

• Fast-paced, witty repartee
• Running gags and absurd plot twists
• Affectionate parody of noir tropes and radio advertising

Noir meets slapstick, with love for classic comedic timing and a wink at the audience.

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For listeners:
This episode delivers plenty of clever callbacks, spirited dialogue, and lampoons both the genre’s conventions and its quirks. The cliffhangers and banter will leave you eager for the next installment of Bertha's madcap journey.

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Transcript

[Grainger Announcer]

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[Narrator]

Time once again for the adventures of Bertha and Carl. The continuing story of a brave woman from the small Midwestern community of Pratt Falls who goes through life trying to find herself, even though most of the time she is beside herself. Today's episode, Bertha Gets Grilled, Part two. It's several hours later in the dark rat infested dungeon where our Bertha is trying to come up with the answers that Carl, the tall, cruel man in the neck brace, obviously wants. By withholding food, water, and personal necessities, Carl hopes to force our Bertha to divulge what he wants to know. As we join them, we hear Bertha

[Bertha]

say, just tell me what you want to know and I'll tell you.

[Carl]

It's not that easy. I've explained that to you.

[Bertha]

A bit of food will jog my memory.

[Carl]

Maybe a bit of food will make your memory fat. I'm growing impatient. Tell me.

[Bertha]

Tell you what?

[Carl]

What was your husb Doings that were so important to my government? Answers a question.

[Bertha]

But who? Wendell? Leo? Swami Veranda?

[Carl]

Homer, quit stalling. Answer the question.

[Bertha]

What do you want me to do? Tell you about every husband I've had until you get to the one you want?

[Carl]

Well, that might be a good idea.

[Bertha]

I have a cracker.

[Carl]

No.

[Bertha]

A tuna salad.

[Carl]

No.

[Bertha]

A jelly bean.

[Carl]

No.

[Bertha]

Old stale mashed potatoes, moldy bread just to crush.

[Carl]

You're stalling.

[Bertha]

I'm hungry.

[Carl]

Tell me what I want to know and I'll give you this nice, juicy, freshly roasted pork shoulder.

[Bertha]

But that has additives and artificial coloring and water added.

[Carl]

Smell it, Bertha.

[Bertha]

Oh. Oh, it smells like food.

[Carl]

Tell me what I want to know.

[Bertha]

Tell me what you want me to tell you.

[Carl]

Tell me. Food.

[Bertha]

No, you tell me first.

[Carl]

Tell me.

[Bertha]

But I don't know what you want in the. No.

[Carl]

You're starling again.

[Bertha]

Give me a hint.

[Carl]

Don't be silly.

[Bertha]

Just a little hint.

[Carl]

In pantomime, I'm going to feed the roast pork shoulder to the rats.

[Bertha]

Wait. I'll tell you about Leo.

[Carl]

Leo? Is he the one?

[Bertha]

I don't know, but neither do you.

[Carl]

Very well. Tell me. About this Leo.

[Bertha]

Leo. I was so young then. He was so glamorous. It was my first time in a nightclub. It was smoky and noisy and smelled of old whiskey, face powder, lipstick, cigars and greasy food. I loved it. I was with my girlfriend, Eunice. We're going to get caught, Bertha. What? We're over 21. If they put our ages together. Yes, but if they ask us for id. Eunice, will you calm down and try to have a little fun? Look over there. That man. I'll bet he's a gangster. They all look like gangsters. Let's get out of here.

[Carl]

Can I help you, ladies?

[Bertha]

Yes, I'll have an A, Grasshopper. Is that the green one? And my friend will have Bloody Mary on the rocks with a twist of lemon. I don't drink.

[Carl]

I'll pay A$75. In advance, please.

[Bertha]

In advance? Don't make trouble. Pay him. Don't pay in advance. He's time to take advantage of two innocent girls. Women. No, he can get into trouble. Pay him. You're nothing but a cook, buddy. And I. I.

[Carl]

You what?

[Bertha]

I. I won't come back here anymore.

[Carl]

Something wrong? Yeah, these two kids. Boss, he's trying to rob us.

[Bertha]

Oh, really?

[Carl]

I warned you about that, Jake. But, boss, they could cost us our Jake. Get the ladies to drink. Do it now. Move before I have to get a new bartender to replace the one that gets found in the alley tomorrow morning. A Coming right up.

[Bertha]

Thank you, mister. That was awfully nice. All right.

[Narrator]

I'm Leo Hav.

[Carl]

Hey, what's your name, cute stuff?

[Bertha]

Who, me?

[Carl]

No, the ugly sailor on the next stool. Of course, you. Hey, I don't like being called ugly fella.

[Bertha]

Oh, there really is a sailor there.

[Carl]

I didn't mean anything. I'm just talking to the lady. Well, watch what you say. I will.

[Narrator]

You could be trouble, beautiful.

[Bertha]

Oh, my.

[Carl]

So, what's your name?

[Bertha]

Well, this is my friend Eunice, and I'm Bertha Wanderson.

[Carl]

Here, here, have a. Have a sip of my drink. Hey, take it easy. Here, let's go sit in my private booth.

[Bertha]

I don't know if we.

[Carl]

Come on, Jake, bring their drinks to my booth.

[Bertha]

Come on, Eunice. Oh, all right. We're gonna get in trouble. It was ruined romance and two days later we were married.

[Carl]

Well, you have Mrs. Have a Lady. You. You better get used to the name, ma'. Am.

[Bertha]

Yes, I suppose I will.

[Carl]

So, what do you have?

[Bertha]

Well, do you have any chocolate cookies?

[Carl]

What?

[Bertha]

The sandwich kind with white icing.

[Carl]

Well, well, well, look who's here.

[Bertha]

Hello, Do I know you?

[Carl]

The other night, the ugly sailor.

[Bertha]

Oh, yes, the ugly sailor.

[Carl]

Don't call me that. He's got a knife.

[Bertha]

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it.

[Carl]

First your old man and now you.

[Bertha]

But you said it first.

[Carl]

You people got to be taught a lesson. What's going on in here?

[Bertha]

Watch out, he's got a knife. You.

[Carl]

You're just the man I wanted to talk to.

[Bertha]

What happened when he turned to get at you? I smashed this bottle over his head.

[Carl]

To get me?

[Bertha]

Yes. He was going to knife you. Knife me? Yes. You see, the other night when we met, you said ugly sailor. Leo. Leo.

[Carl]

He's faded.

[Bertha]

Oh, don't be silly. A big strong man like him.

[Carl]

Ah, the boss didn't like for people to know he was, you know, faint hearted coward.

[Narrator]

Nah.

[Carl]

Now if you'll just help me.

[Bertha]

Oh. Oh. What's wrong? Don't look. What is it?

[Carl]

Oh, Mr. Havelady fell on that sailor's knife.

[Bertha]

No. He couldn't have his dad. No. Leo.

[Carl]

Oh.

[Bertha]

Oh, my poor, poor Leo. Oh, you were so young, so strong, so cute in your jammies. And that was how Leo died.

[Carl]

So.

[Bertha]

Well, was he the one you wanted?

[Carl]

I didn't hear anything in there that would be of any interest to. My God.

[Bertha]

But I told you.

[Carl]

No, no. Not good enough.

[Bertha]

Could I just have a nibble of that roast pork shoulder?

[Carl]

I ate it while you were talking

[Bertha]

the whole thing and I got bored.

[Carl]

Could I have something, I don't know,

[Bertha]

a sugar beef, a raw pork chop, some rancid butter?

[Carl]

I don't think so.

[Bertha]

Flat soda pop?

[Carl]

You've got to be kidding.

[Bertha]

What's wrong, honey?

[Carl]

I feel all out of sorts. My body just doesn't want to play the game today.

[Bertha]

Wait. I have just the thing for you. This free sample came in yesterday's mail. Oh.

[Carl]

What's this green stuff?

[Bertha]

It's Dr. Tensor's green stuff from the makers of Dr. Tensor's muscle tonic. Try some

[Carl]

like it tastes a little like mint and a lot like creosote.

[Bertha]

You're not supposed to eat it. Silly. You just rub a little green stuff onto your skin around the areas that are bothering you and.

[Carl]

Oh. Hey, that really feels good.

[Bertha]

It says on the tube that Dr. Tensor's green stuff is an unobtrusive, soothing analgesic balm that will take away the pain and replace it with a good feeling. Green Stuff's patented formula works up to eight hours after each application and it comes in regular mint, creosote or unscented Our free sample was mint creosote.

[Carl]

I know, I know.

[Narrator]

Dr. Tensor's greenstuff, the patented, unobtrusive, soothing analgesic balm sold in better drugstores and laundromats everywhere. Pick up a jar or tube today and start feeling good right away. We now return to the Adventures of Bertha and Carl. While Bertha begs for a snack from her evil but handsome interrogator, we find her best friend, Eunice Merriweather, on the docks of New Orleans.

[Bertha]

I followed him to New Orleans, and he's gotten on a plane to Occapolco.

[Carl]

Sure, I. I get it. You want me to waste the guy.

[Bertha]

I beg your pardon?

[Carl]

Waste the guy.

[Bertha]

Rearrange his short size.

[Carl]

Break his face. Kill him.

[Bertha]

Kill him. Yes. Now, Mr. Tucker.

[Carl]

Don't use my name.

[Bertha]

Sorry. Freddy, don't.

[Carl]

Oh, never mind.

[Bertha]

Now, here is my life savings and a plane ticket to Acapulco. I don't want to know how you do it. Just do it and tell me when it's done.

[Carl]

Oh, yeah, sure.

[Bertha]

No, I think that covers everything.

[Carl]

Hey, wait a minute. You know, it's none of my business, but, you know, like, why do you want me to off this guy?

[Bertha]

Off?

[Carl]

Kill him?

[Bertha]

Let's just say it's an affair of the heart.

[Carl]

Oh, he rained on your parade, huh?

[Bertha]

Something like that, yeah.

[Carl]

To, like, you know, give me any juicy details.

[Bertha]

I don't think you have the right to ask.

[Carl]

Look, look, you came looking for me, and I want to do a good job for you. I'm just trying to get, you know, like, a little of the background on this. I mean, like, you know, what's. What's my motivation?

[Bertha]

He done me wrong.

[Carl]

Oh, made a little bump and run, huh?

[Bertha]

Bump and run?

[Carl]

Never mind. Give me the ticket.

[Bertha]

Here. And remember, I don't want to know how you do it.

[Carl]

I know, I know. Don't worry.

[Narrator]

I'll get it done.

[Bertha]

Just call me when you've turned out his light. I.

[Carl]

What?

[Bertha]

Killed him?

[Carl]

Home.

[Narrator]

And as Unice Meer heads for the airport for the first leg of her flight home to Pratt Falls, we find Civil Curtley, Bera's sworn enemy, trying to find both the missing Bera and the recently departed Unice.

[Bertha]

First Bertha and now Eunice has vanished. And just when I came up with a perfect revenge to wreak upon Bertha. I wish there was some other way, but it looks like this is the only way we're going to get it done. Yes, Hi. You don't know me, but I'm looking for a woman named Bertha. Bertha who? Well, this is a little embarrassing. You see, I don't know her last name. You know her if you saw her. Middle aged lady, plain print dress glasses. Don't know anybody like that. Well, this is my card. Oh, excuse the ink. I've just had them printed. Sybil curtly worried friend of the missing Bertha. Sybil, huh? That's right. If you have. Must be difficult to go through public school with a name like that. Well, yes. If you hear of her, would you call the number on the card? It's my answering. Sure, if I hear anything. Thank you. Have a nice day. When I'm through going door to door, even if I don't locate Bertha, everyone in Pratt Falls will be my character witnesses. Why, no, your honor. This woman was Sybil's best friend. She couldn't have possibly done that horrible thing to poor Bertha, whatever her name is. I just wish I could find Bertha and do it to her. My feet are killing me. Hi, you don't know me, but I'm looking for a woman who used to live on Hope Street. Her name is Bertha.

[Narrator]

Well, will Sybil find Bertha? And will Bertha finally answer the impossible question Carl has placed before her? And what of Eunice? Has Bertha's lifelong friend actually hired a hitman to take care of the two? Timing. Gustav Wagner. Join us tomorrow when Eunice receives a phone call from Freddie Tucker, who says,

[Carl]

hi, I met this Dr. Wagner and he's a real sweet guy. And now we're going steady tomorrow on

[Narrator]

the further adventures of Bertha and Carl. This is Farrington, Edwards Collier speaking from the makers of Dr. Tensor's muscle tonic, reminding you to have a good day today and a better tomorrow tomorrow.

[Grainger Announcer]

When you manage procurement for multiple facilities, every order matters. But when it's for a hospital system, they matter even more. Grainger gets it and knows there's no time for managing multiple suppliers and no room for shipping delays. That's why Grainger offers millions of products in fast, dependable delivery, so you can keep your facility stocked, safe and running smoothly. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done. Support is available 247 with VRBoCare. We're here day or night, ready whenever you need help, because a great trip starts with the right support.