Blue Ribbon Town 44-01-08 (x) Guest - Charles Laughton

Summary

Podcast Summary: Blue Ribbon Town 44-01-08 (x) featuring Charles Laughton

Introduction

In the episode titled "Blue Ribbon Town 44-01-08 (x)" of Harold's Old Time Radio, listeners are transported back to the Golden Age of Radio, where family-friendly entertainment centered around comedic and dramatic radio shows. This particular episode features the legendary Groucho Marx as the star alongside a special guest, Charles Lawton, portraying a leading citizen of Blue Ribbon Town. Released on March 20, 2025, the episode blends humor, satire, and a mock legal drama, encapsulating the charm and wit characteristic of the era.

The Lamppost Incident

The episode kicks off with a humorous exchange between Groucho Marx and Charles Lawton. Groucho introduces himself as Charles Lawton's guest, setting the stage for a comedic narrative centered around a peculiar automobile accident.

• Groucho Marx [00:55]: "I just went into a gas station and told the attendant to give me 16 gallons of gas. 16 gallons? Did you have enough coupons for 16 gallons? Oh, I didn't have to worry about coupons."

As the conversation unfolds, Groucho reveals he recently recovered from an automobile accident involving a lamppost, a situation that becomes the crux of the episode's plot.

• Charles Lawton [06:13]: "This place is full of old beans, isn't it? Tell me, Grouch, old pal, what is this little scrape you've gotten yourself into, old pal?"

Seeking Legal Assistance

Realizing he's being sued by the city of Beverly Hills for the accident—allegedly costing $498.24—Groucho seeks the help of Charles Lawton, a prominent figure in Blue Ribbon Town known for his influence in civic affairs.

• Groucho Marx [02:15]: "The city of Beverly Hills is suing me for running into that lamppost, and they demand I pay $498.24."

• Charles Lawton [07:42]: "Only 24 cents? Well, that's the trivial part of it. The sum is 498,000."

Groucho's attempts to downplay the situation with his signature wit lead to a series of comedic exchanges, highlighting his cleverness and Lawton's more serious demeanor.

The Courtroom Drama

The narrative peaks with a mock courtroom scene presided over by Judge Fenwick Side Saddle. The proceedings are filled with humorous legal jargon and playful banter between Groucho and Charles Lawton.

• Charles Lawton [16:06]: "Good morning, Judge."

• Judge Fenwick Side Saddle [16:21]: "Order in the court."

Charles Lawton presents the case against Groucho, labeling him as irresponsible and negligent, while Groucho retaliates with his characteristic humor, portraying the accident as a case of "Cadillac love" for the lamppost.

• Groucho Marx [17:14]: "Your Honor, I object. If I have to pay all that money, I demand that a woman be hired to hold a license."

• Groucho Marx [22:42]: "Your Honor, I have been called a monster and a fiend because my car seemingly assaulted this, quote, innocent, unquote lamppost. However, this is not a case of brutality. This is a case of love."

The courtroom exchanges are laced with puns and humorous defenses, ultimately leading to a whimsical verdict where Groucho is mandated to pay for the lamppost damages but is spared from being barred from driving in Beverly Hills.

• Charles Lawton [23:06]: "It is the court's decision that Groucho Marx pay for the lamp post. But it would be inhuman to deprive him of the privilege of driving in the beautiful city of beautiful Beverly Hills."

Resolution and Departure

Following the court's decision, Groucho gracefully exits the courtroom, maintaining his jovial demeanor despite the circumstances. The episode concludes with Groucho preparing to leave Blue Ribbon Town, promising future visits and humorous interactions.

• Groucho Marx [24:01]: "Well, Lawton, at least I won half of my case. No hard feelings, old pal?"

• Charles Lawton [24:05]: "Of course not, old chums."

Notable Quotes

1. Groucho Marx [02:15]: "The city of Beverly Hills is suing me for running into that lamppost, and they demand I pay $498.24."

2. Groucho Marx [17:14]: "Your Honor, I object. If I have to pay all that money, I demand that a woman be hired to hold a license."

3. Groucho Marx [22:42]: "Your Honor, I have been called a monster and a fiend because my car seemingly assaulted this, quote, innocent, unquote lamppost. However, this is not a case of brutality. This is a case of love."

4. Charles Lawton [23:06]: "It is the court's decision that Groucho Marx pay for the lamp post. But it would be inhuman to deprive him of the privilege of driving in the beautiful city of beautiful Beverly Hills."

Conclusion

"Blue Ribbon Town 44-01-08 (x)" masterfully encapsulates the essence of old-time radio with its blend of humor, character-driven storytelling, and satirical takes on everyday situations. Groucho Marx's interactions with Charles Lawton provide a delightful narrative that not only entertains but also serves as a nostalgic reminder of the radio programs that once brought families together around the airwaves. Whether you're a longtime fan of vintage radio or new to the genre, this episode offers a charming and witty experience that stands the test of time.

Transcript

[Groucho Marx]

Foreign.

[Charles Lawton]

Beer presents Blue Ribbon Town, starring Groucho Marx, with his special guest, Charles Lawson.

[Groucho Marx]

Come on down, down to Blue Ribbon Town, where you found your daily with.

[Charles Lawton]

One of Beverly Hills leading citizens, Charles Lawton, coming to visit the leading citizen of Blue Ribbon Town. There's a happy time in store tonight. Among the Blue Ribbon greeters are Fay Mackenzie, Bill Baze, Neil Gorsey, Robert Brewster in his Blue Ribbon Blenders, yours truly, Ken Niles. And here in his parlor, completely recovered.

[Ken Niles]

From his automobile accident, which he thinks.

[Charles Lawton]

Is now a thing of the past, is now producer of master and smasher of lamp post, Joshua Mark.

[Groucho Marx]

Hi, you, Groucho. How you feeling? Fine, AR Fine. What a wonderful day. I just went into a gas station and told the attendant to give me 16 gallons of gas. 16 gallons? Did you have enough coupons for 16 gallons? Oh, I didn't have to worry about coupons.

[Fay Mackenzie]

You didn't?

[Groucho Marx]

No, he didn't have any gas. I didn't have any car either. It's still in the garage being fixed after my automobile accident. You know, Groucho, to look at you, it's hard to believe that you were ever banged up by a lamppost. Maybe so, but yesterday I couldn't get out of bed all day. You mean you were so weak? No, the string of my pajamas was caught in the bedpost.

[Bill Baze]

Hello, Bobby. Hi, Groucho. Gee, it's nice to see you back in form again.

[Groucho Marx]

Thank you, Faye. And it's nice to see your form back again. Come in, if that's what you had in mind.

[Charles Lawton]

Are you Groucho Mar?

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, I'm Groucho Mar.

[Charles Lawton]

Well, fine. Take this. Goodbye.

[Groucho Marx]

I thought I'd never get rid of that guy.

[Bill Baze]

What's in the envelope? Cage, Groucho. Aren't you going to open it?

[Groucho Marx]

I might as well. I need the exercise. Oh, it's a Christmas card.

[Bill Baze]

Christmas card? At this date?

[Groucho Marx]

Certainly. It says greetings and it's from Beverly Hills. Sweet kids. Beverly.

[Bill Baze]

Groucho, that's not a Christmas card, it's a summons.

[Groucho Marx]

A summons? A fine kettle of fish. The city of Beverly Hills is suing me for running into that lamppost, and they Demand I pay $498.24. What's the 24 cents for? I don't know. Probably amusement taxes.

[Bill Baze]

Well, Groucho, there's only one sensible way to look at this. The damage has been done and you've got to pay the piper.

[Groucho Marx]

Pay the piper? I should say not. I'll pay Beverly Hills and let the piper collect from that by the Way. Has anybody seen the morning piper? I get scotched every once in a while.

[Bill Baze]

Well, Groucho, I'm glad you admit you're wrong.

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, Fay, I made a mistake and I must pay the consequences. Now I've got to pay three people. Beverly Hill's the piper and the consequences. Has anybody seen the evening piper? Oh, well, I've got to pay for I ruined the lamppost and I should pay for it. There's only one little thing I want to do first.

[Charles Lawton]

What's that?

[Groucho Marx]

See if I can find somebody who can get me out of it. Now, who do I know who has influence in Beverly Hills?

[Bill Baze]

Well, Groucho, don't you have a lot of friends and pictures?

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, but it would take an awful long time to get them out of the frame. Say, I know a prominent citizen of Beverly Hills. Help me. Charlie Lawton. He's very influential in civic affairs. There he is.

[Bill Baze]

Well, why don't you call him Groucho?

[Groucho Marx]

Silly to call him Groucho. His name is Charlie.

[Bill Baze]

I mean, why don't you call Charlie Groucho?

[Groucho Marx]

I have nothing to say to Charlie, Groucho. But you've given me a great idea. I'll call Charlie Lawton. Well, Niles, while I put through the call a lot and you can discuss your favorite subject. My favorite subject?

[Charles Lawton]

Whatever are you talking about?

[Groucho Marx]

Oh, come, come. Stop the stalling, Niles. We're waiting. It's time for a little paps to paps talk.

[Charles Lawton]

Sorry, Groucho.

[Ken Niles]

On that subject, I've prepared nary a word tonight.

[Charles Lawton]

Marry. A word?

[Ken Niles]

Sorry, sir.

[Groucho Marx]

The man's mad. Oh, well, I guess it's up to me to say a few words about patience. Ah, taps. Neighbors, do you realize the tremendous popularity of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer? Why, if all the empty Pabst Beer bottles were stretched end to end across the country, there'd be an awful lot of flat tires on the Lincoln Highway. Are there any questions? Will all the married women in the audience raise their hand? Oh, well, I've got to call Lawton.

[Charles Lawton]

Go ahead, Groucho.

[Ken Niles]

While we relax and listen as our.

[Charles Lawton]

Blue ribbon blenders sing a tune dedicated.

[Ken Niles]

To your experiences with the city of Beverly Hills.

[Charles Lawton]

I'm riding for a fall.

[Groucho Marx]

I'm riding.

[Charles Lawton]

For a fall Suiting up, suiting up.

[Groucho Marx]

In the church inside for the gal.

Was a big blue eye oh, I'm riding for a fall Suiting up, suiting.

[Charles Lawton]

Up Single suitbone Shooting for a gal.

[Groucho Marx]

With a baby blue I am I know she's a dangerous critter I know She's a dangerous critter I know She's a dangerous critter I know.

[Fay Mackenzie]

Oh, I can't wait.

[Groucho Marx]

There are times for fall Suiting up.

[Ken Niles]

Suiting up Like I wasn't white to begin out.

[Groucho Marx]

With the big blue eyes. Oh, yeah. Yes, I'm riding on a four.

Come in. Well, well, this is Satis deluxe. I've hardly put down the receiver. And here's my friend, Charles Lawton. Charlie. How are you, Charlie, old bean?

[Charles Lawton]

Fine. Gradual bean, is that you? See you again, old beans.

[Groucho Marx]

It's nice to see you again, old bean.

[Charles Lawton]

This place is full of old beans, isn't it? Tell me, Grouch, old pal, what is this little scrape you've gotten yourself into, old pal?

[Groucho Marx]

Oh, it's really nothing, old pal. The city of Beverly Hills is suing me on an absurd charge for a trivial sum of money. Old pal. We've got enough old pals in here to eat those old beans.

[Charles Lawton]

About this lawsuit. What can I do for you old chums?

[Groucho Marx]

Well, old chum, with your influence I thought you could get them to forget the whole thing. Old chum, old pal, old chum?

[Charles Lawton]

Oh, it's entirely possible, old chum. I say, Groucho, you better tell those old pals to save some of those old beans for those old chums anyhow.

[Groucho Marx]

Tell me, Charlie, are you good at, shall we say, adjusting things?

[Charles Lawton]

I rather think I am. Several years ago, someone donated a Florida the grapefruit tree to Beverly Hills. Just found it in the park. A friend of mine found one of the grapefruit on the ground and was arrested for picking it. But I got him off.

[Groucho Marx]

Did you prove he didn't pick it?

[Charles Lawton]

No, I proved insanity. What Californian in his right mind would pick up Florida grapefruit? Now, this trivial sum you're sued for, just how much is it?

[Groucho Marx]

24 cents.

[Charles Lawton]

Only 24 cents?

[Groucho Marx]

Well, that's the trivial part of it. The sum is 498,000.

[Charles Lawton]

Well, there is quite a thump. What did you do, knock over a lamppost? Takes a pretty stupid driver to knock over a lamppost.

[Groucho Marx]

Meet the stupidest driver in Beverly Hill.

[Charles Lawton]

How do you do?

[Groucho Marx]

How do you. Charlie, it really wasn't my fault. I was driving along the boulevard when suddenly this lamppost ran over in front of me and struck me.

[Charles Lawton]

Are you sure you didn't strike the lamppost?

[Groucho Marx]

Well, that depends on whose side you're on. Hello, Mr. Mark. Hello, Bill. Bill, I'd like you to meet one of our most distinguished screen actors. One of the most popular members of the English Colony in Hollywood.

[Charles Lawton]

How do you do?

[Groucho Marx]

How do you do? Gosh, just think, I'm standing here shaking hands with Ronald Coleman. Bill, this is Charlie Lawton.

[Charles Lawton]

That's a natural mistake. Why, the other day I was taken for Tyrone Power.

[Groucho Marx]

That's nothing. The other day I was taken for 30 bucks in a crap game. That was a natural mistake, sir.

[Charles Lawton]

Now, let me see, where were we?

[Groucho Marx]

I was in a crap game. I don't know where.

[Charles Lawton]

You were dreaming I was still own power.

[Groucho Marx]

Oh, more power to you.

[Charles Lawton]

Charlie, we were discussing Mr. Marx's little accident.

[Groucho Marx]

Mr. Marks's little accident. Why, he drove smack into a lamppost. Bill, I was like this today. Why did he wreck it? Bill, Mr. Lawton isn't interested. And what I can't understand is that if Mr. Marsh was driving on the wrong side of the street like he usually does, how did he happen to hit a lamppost on the right side of the street?

[Charles Lawton]

The wrong side of the street, huh?

[Groucho Marx]

Bill, would you mind answering the telephone? There must be something wrong with my ears. I don't hear anything ringing. You step outside for a minute. I'll fix that.

[Charles Lawton]

Groucho, I'm disappointed in you. You didn't deliberately misrepresented this case to me.

[Groucho Marx]

Oh, I did not. I may have lied a little.

[Charles Lawton]

A little? You've not only camouflaged the details, but you've withheld the pertinent facts about this accident, which is obviously entirely your fault. And if you want my opinion, Groucho Marx, you're a bad boy. I want my mermaid.

[Groucho Marx]

I'll see you later, Mr. Mark. Look, Charlie, you're taking the wrong attitude. I only was driving.

[Charles Lawton]

You attempted through conniving and trickery to make me a party to a plot to swindle the beautiful city of Beverly Hills. And as a loyal citizen of said city, I intend to see that you are brought to justice.

[Groucho Marx]

But, Charlie, you promised to help me.

[Charles Lawton]

I won't help you, Groucho Marx. You're a minister society, and my duty is clear. Hi, Mar. Yes, Groucho Marks. I'm going to see that you're put behind bars. That's where every criminal belongs.

[Groucho Marx]

Along.

[Charles Lawton]

Marcy, are you a friend of his?

[Joshua Mark]

I ain't talking, copper.

[Charles Lawton]

What do you know about this accident?

[Joshua Mark]

I don't know nothing about nothing.

[Groucho Marx]

That's one of the most accurate statements I've ever heard.

[Joshua Mark]

Besides, flatfoot, you can't take me in without a rid of habeas corpus.

[Charles Lawton]

That's utter nonsense, young man. If you don't stop this childish blabber. You will be regarded as a. So what?

[Joshua Mark]

Since when is that a crime in this state?

[Charles Lawton]

Young man, what I'm trying to say is that you appear so completely devoid of normal intellect as to border on stupidity. Isn't that what you say, Groucho?

[Groucho Marx]

I don't know. What does it mean?

[Charles Lawton]

It means he's not. Now, come on, Marx, get your things together. I'm taking you to Beverly Hills.

[Joshua Mark]

Wait a minute, Marty. Don't let him take you without a lawyer. I'll get one for you. I'll get my cousin.

[Groucho Marx]

That's fine. How long will it take you to get him?

[Joshua Mark]

Well, I don't know. He just started law school yesterday.

[Groucho Marx]

Well, Niles, have you reconsidered your decision not to say a word about Pat's blue ridden beer?

[Charles Lawton]

No, Groucho, my decision stands.

[Ken Niles]

I shall say merry a worse.

[Groucho Marx]

Niles, you're a disgrace of pats and a Sadie 3 little bruise. I shall have to ask you to turn in your blue ribbon.

[Charles Lawton]

Oh, no, no, Mr. Marks, not that. Ask me anything but that.

[Groucho Marx]

Go, Niles, go turn in your bottle opener and go.

[Charles Lawton]

Very well, I. I go. But before I go, I'd just like.

[Ken Niles]

To make one statement.

[Groucho Marx]

Very well, Niles, make your statements.

[Charles Lawton]

Bill Days will out sing Jerome Kern's.

[Ken Niles]

Lovely song the Way you.

[Fay Mackenzie]

Someday when I'm off the lo. When the world is cold I will feel a glow just thinking of you and the way you look tonight. You love me with your smile so warm and your cheeks so soft. There is nothing for me but to love you Just the way you look tonight. With each in heaven never change.

[Charles Lawton]

Keep that breathless song.

[Fay Mackenzie]

Will you please arrange me for my.

[Groucho Marx]

Love.

[Fay Mackenzie]

Just the way you walk tonight and that laugh that wrinkles your nose that breathless storm. Won't you please arrange it all? I love just the way you.

[Charles Lawton]

Die. Just read all about it. Rascal Marks sued by Beverly Hilt for cold beat a lamppost. Charles Lawton represents Beverly Hills in court trials.

[Fay Mackenzie]

Hear ye, hear ye.

[Groucho Marx]

The Municipal Court of Beverly Hills is now in session. Judge Fenwick side Saddle presiding.

[Charles Lawton]

Order in the court.

[Groucho Marx]

Good morning, Judge.

[Charles Lawton]

Did you have a nice two week vacation? Yes, Maynard. When I feel so rusty, I think I'll warm up a bit. 10 years at hard labor, 20 years at San Quentin, 30 years at Alcatraz. Well, proceed with the case. I'm warmed up now.

[Groucho Marx]

Couldn't we wait till you cool? No, I'm not.

[Ken Niles]

I see.

[Charles Lawton]

In that case, you'll have to press your own tooth.

[Groucho Marx]

I'll be glad to. Can I borrow your ironing Board. Shall we pan.

[Charles Lawton]

I mean, you'll have to be your own counsel. Now, Mr. Lawton. As counsel for the beautiful city of Beverly Hills, you may state the joy. Your honor, I propose to prove that Groucho Marx is irresponsible, negligent. Blonde crazy.

[Groucho Marx]

Blonde crazy. Your honor, I resent that.

[Charles Lawton]

Do you deny it?

[Groucho Marx]

No, I just resent it.

[Ken Niles]

Proceed, Mr. Locke.

[Groucho Marx]

Don't even resent it.

[Charles Lawton]

Very well. Your honor, I propose to prove that not only should this reckless owl fiend Groucho Marx be forced to pay for the lamppost he so brutally assaulted, that I shall ask that he be made to pay the supreme penalty. The supreme penalty, mind you, of being barred from driving in the beautiful city of beautiful Beverly Hills.

[Groucho Marx]

No, no, no, no, not that. Take away my Kleenex, take away my bobby pins. But don't forbid me to drive in.

[Charles Lawton]

The beautiful city of beautiful Beverly beautiful hills.

[Groucho Marx]

I couldn't stand that.

[Charles Lawton]

I couldn't stand it. I tell you.

[Bill Baze]

I couldn't stand it.

[Groucho Marx]

See what I could have done with one more dramatic lesson?

[Charles Lawton]

Order. Order, Mr. Marks. Order. Let's have no more emotional outburst.

[Ken Niles]

You may proceed, Mr. Mar.

[Charles Lawton]

Thank you, your honor. Now, first, in order to establish the defendant's guilt, I wish to call to stand to the stand the arresting officer, Timothy Ool.

[Ken Niles]

Call officer O. Tool to the stand.

[Charles Lawton]

Call for Timothy O. Call for Timothy O'Tool.

[Groucho Marx]

They couldn't get Philip Morris.

[Fay Mackenzie]

All right, all right.

[Joshua Mark]

Here I am. Quiz me, fatso.

[Charles Lawton]

Okay, Smurge. Now, as the arresting officer in this case, will you tell the court what happened, please?

[Joshua Mark]

Frightening. I was driving along wonderful Wilshire Boulevard in my patrol jalopy. The radio is on and I'm listening to Sinatra sing oh, Lord, nothing at all. Then I hear the crash, so I keep going.

[Charles Lawton]

Why didn't you stop when you heard the crash?

[Joshua Mark]

I figured it's just a couple of names in the audience sworn it's Frankie again. Then in my rear view mirror, I see an awful wreck backing up. I find that this here Groucho Mark, armed with a smoking Cadillac, has committed murder on one of the sweetest, truest lamppost a beautiful boulevard ever raised.

[Charles Lawton]

Then in your opinion, there is no doubt of Mr. Marx's guilt in this case?

[Joshua Mark]

In my nimble opinion and in your.

[Charles Lawton]

Opinion, there is no doubt of Mr. Marx's guilt in this case?

[Joshua Mark]

In my nimble opinion, I would say that in a part of Croucho Marx, this accident is a case of absolute recklessness and gross negligence.

[Groucho Marx]

Judge, that's a pretty scanty statement.

[Charles Lawton]

Mr. Marks. Do you wish to cross examine the witness or will you wave your right?

[Groucho Marx]

Not unless he waves his left. But I do have something to ask him. Officer, how far were you from the accident when it took place?

[Joshua Mark]

Five feet, three and three quarter inches.

[Charles Lawton]

I see.

[Groucho Marx]

How do you know that that was precisely the distance?

[Joshua Mark]

Cause I knew some jerk like you was gonna ask me, so I measured it.

[Groucho Marx]

Your witness, Jake.

[Charles Lawton]

Your Honor, now that we have established the guilt of this jerk, I mean, we wish to show the court why the sum of $498.24 is not exorbitant. Due to the metal shortage, we will be unable to replace the lamp post for three months, during which time we are forced to hire a man to stand on the corner holding a lamp on his head.

[Groucho Marx]

Your Honor, I object.

[Charles Lawton]

State your objection.

[Groucho Marx]

If I have to pay all that money, I demand that a woman be hired to hold a license. Matter of fact, I think I can get a woman to do the job for nothing. You can save me. There are at least 10 women who have been carrying the torch for me for years. Your Honor, I should like to call.

[Charles Lawton]

My next Swiss casual frisket. Take the stand. What do you want, Brisket? What is your occupation? I've been hired to take the place of a lamp post. I stand in the corner with a lighted bulb on my head. Every night? Yep. From 6:00 in the evening until 4:00 in the morning. I'm all lit up. Hey, can I go now? Yes. That will be all, Mr. Prescott. But the next time you're in the courtroom, please remove your hat. What? And expose my bulb?

[Groucho Marx]

Please.

[Charles Lawton]

Please.

[Fay Mackenzie]

Hold on. Please.

[Ken Niles]

Proceed, Mr. Lawton.

[Charles Lawton]

Okay.

[Groucho Marx]

Very well.

[Charles Lawton]

Very well. Your Honor, I. I wish to sum up my case. This monster Groucho Marx, cowering before you deserves no mercy whatsoever. Here is a man who, sitting behind the wheel of his homicidal Cadillac, sneaked up on a defenseless little lamppost. Sneaked up, mind you, and hit this lamppost while its light was turned. Your Honor, look at this box of broken, twisted metal, which, before it met the descendants, was once a proud and tasty lamppost. A lamppost that had everything to live. A lamppost that had worked its way up from a side street in Pomona, the wonderful Wilter Boulevard in beautiful Beverly Hills. And here it is, cut down at the very height of its career by this fiend who sits before you. Your Honor, I ask for a verdict of guilty. I rest my lesson. Mr. Marks, there is still time for you to change your plea to guilty. In that case, you can plead for clemency.

[Groucho Marx]

Why should I plead for clemency? Let clemency get his own lawyer.

[Ken Niles]

Bob, please stop wasting the court's time. If you have any defense, plead it.

[Groucho Marx]

Your Honor, I have been called a monster and a fiend because my car seemingly assaulted this, quote, innocent, unquote lamppost. However, this is not a case of brutality. This is a case of love. My Cadillac love that tall, dark and handsome lamp post. Yes.

[Charles Lawton]

Loved it.

[Groucho Marx]

Not wisely, but too well. Every day as I drove past, that post would wink its lamp and my Cadillac would blush and shyly lower a headlight. Yes, my car loved that post. But the lamp post remained cold and aloof, while my car smoldered with unrequited love. Its engine seemed sputtering, its carburetor throbbing, eating its gas out. But on the night of the accident, the lamppost smiled at my Cadillac with a new, tender, inviting life. My car rushed forward, out of control and embraced the lamppost. What a smack. What an accident. What a mess. I rest my Cadillac.

[Charles Lawton]

It is the court's decision that Groucho Marx pay for the lamp post. But it would be inhuman to deprive.

[Ken Niles]

Him of the privilege of driving in the beautiful city of beautiful Beverly Hills Court, the Durham.

[Groucho Marx]

Well, Lawton, at least I won half of my case. No hard feelings, old pal?

[Charles Lawton]

Of course not, old chums.

[Groucho Marx]

Well, I guess I'll drive back to blue ridden town now. See you again, old bean. Ah, it certainly feels good to be driving along here in Beverly Hills with a clear concept. I think I'll open this window. Darn it, it's stuck again. I better use both hands.

[Charles Lawton]

Look at that. Will you look at that Smash. Yeah, and look who it is. It's Groucho Marx.

[Joshua Mark]

What? Groucho Marx again. We lose more lamppost that way.

[Groucho Marx]

Well, thank you, neighbors. Well, it's time for, say, mackenzie.

[Ken Niles]

Wait just a minute, Groucho. This time I have a message from Pat.

[Groucho Marx]

Well, the man's reformed. Go ahead, Niles.

[Ken Niles]

The first announcement of the $50,000 Pabst post war Employment Awards was made a little more than a month ago. Since then, the awards committee has already received a number of entries for the awards, in addition to many hundreds of inquiries about the competition. Because of the widespread interest in the Pabst Awards, we're going to take just a few moments to answer some of the questions most commonly asked. Here's the first question. Why were the awards established? The awards were established by the Pabst Brewing Company in observance of the 100th anniversary of the founding of its business in the hope of making a worthwhile contribution to the solution of a great national problem. Post War employment.

[Bill Baze]

What are the awards?

[Ken Niles]

There is a first award of $25,000, a second award of $10,000, and 15 additional awards of $1,000 each. And all awards are payable in United States war bonds at current purchase prices. What is the basis of judging the entries? The winning awards will be those which, in the opinion of the board of judges, offer the best and most constructive plans for post war employment in the United States. Who are the judges? Dr. Clarence Dykstra, Dr. Wesley C. Mitchell, Mr. Beardsley Rummel and Mr. A.F. whitney. Members of the faculty of Columbia University, will serve as consultants to the board of judges.

[Bill Baze]

What practical use will the winning post war employment plans before.

[Ken Niles]

At the close of the competition, copies of the winning plans will be turned over to responsible officials of the government. In addition, copies will be made available for study by any other agency, public or private, which concerns itself with the problems of post war employment. In what form should entries be submitted? In the form of a signed written statement of a contestant's post war employment plan in not to exceed 2,000 words. However, each contestant may furnish additional material in support of his plan.

[Bill Baze]

When does the competition close?

[Ken Niles]

February 7, 1944.

[Groucho Marx]

Where can I get a copy of.

[Ken Niles]

The rules covering the competition? You can obtain full information about the past awards, including the official rules by which all contestants are bound by writing. Pabst Post War Employment Awards, 551 Fifth Avenue, New York. That's PAP Post War Employment Award, 551 Fifth Avenue, NY.

[Charles Lawton]

And now, returning to Blue Ribbon Town.

[Ken Niles]

We hear Fay MacKenzie singing.

[Charles Lawton]

Sho sho, baby.

[Fay Mackenzie]

Bye bye bye baby. Your papa's off to the seven seas. Don't cry, baby. Oh, don't outside, baby, bye bye bye baby.

[Bill Baze]

When I come back we'll live a.

[Fay Mackenzie]

Life of peace now the sacredest way.

[Groucho Marx]

The sacred by this way.

[Fay Mackenzie]

Another day. Five, five, five, baby oh, don't cry, baby. Baby crosses up to the seven seas. The seven seas, the seven wings.

[Charles Lawton]

One, two, three, four. Well, Groucho, it's time for me to go back to beautiful Beverly, beautiful Hills. But before I do, I want to thank you for showing Mr. Beautiful Times. Beautiful Groucho.

[Groucho Marx]

Oh, think nothing of it, Beautiful dreamer.

[Charles Lawton]

Who's visiting you next week, Groucho?

[Groucho Marx]

Another fine actor and great fighting personality, Lionel barrymore.

[Ken Niles]

That's right, Mr. Lawton. Next week, the mayor of Springdale will meet the leading citizen of Blue Ribbontown.

[Groucho Marx]

Yes, and I'LL show that Barrymore a thing or two about politics and acting.

[Charles Lawton]

Why, Groucho, I didn't know you were a politician or an actor.

[Groucho Marx]

Why, you beautiful lot in you. Touche, old bean.

[Charles Lawton]

Well, good night, Groucho, old pal. Good night, everybody.

[Groucho Marx]

Good night, Charlie. Old.

[Ken Niles]

Carl Swarton will soon be seen in Metro Golden Mayor's the Canterville Ghost. This program was directed by Vic Mack and was brought to you by the Pabst Brewing Company of Peoria, Illinois and Milwaukee.

[Charles Lawton]

This is the Columbia Broadcasting Whiskey.