
Columbia Workshop 36-08-08 Experiment - Highway Incident
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A
Hey there. Are you sitting down?
B
Good.
A
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C
Testing. 1, 2, 3, 4. Testing, 1, 2. 1, 2, 3,4. Testing, 1, 2, 3, 4. The Columbia Workshop under the direction of Irving Rees. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight the Columbia Workshop presents its fourth program of an experimental series dedicated to you and the magic of radio. Thank you for your letters. On last week's program, the workshop staff was pleased to learn that you like the technical radio demonstration. Your letters will help shape our policy for future programs. If you have any suggestions for demonstrations that you would like to hear or stories you would like to have dramatized, write us. The workshop has a number of guests in the studio tonight. Among them, one who is very well known to you. Would you come over and say a word? David ross. Thank you, Mr. King. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is a new role for me. I mean, watching a broadcast. But really, I'm deeply interested in the progress of the workshop for many reasons, and I'm glad to be here. And I think that work of this sort also deserves your best interest. From it will come the advancement that only research and experiment can give any art. The that they will fail from time to time is to be expected. Now, I'm one of the workshop severest critics. And you too should voice your criticisms as well as your praise. But their successes will be important because they contribute information and knowledge to an art that is still very young. Therefore, to the workshop staff, I extend my very best wishes. Thank you, Mr. Ross. Tonight, the workshop presents two short plays. First, the British Drama League's prize winning comedy drama, which has a title singularly appropriate for the workshop, Experiment by Mary Parkington. Then the workshop will introduce the work of a playwright who is making his debut in radio, Brian J. Burn. We have selected a short episode entitled Highway Incident From a play Mr. Byrne will have produced this fall. And now, Experiment by Mary Parkington. Good evening, everybody. I am the experimenter, and I'm about to show you an interesting little experiment in synchronized life drama. One scene is laid in a tent pitched on the ice near the South Pole. The other, an apartment in London shared by Corrine Sheldon, an actress, with her sister Rosemary. There's a third occupant named Lydia. Jim Oberon and Frank Stacy in the tent are the sweethearts of Corinne and Rosemary. In the apartment they're engaged to each other. My little experiment is designed to show the perfect synchronization of feeling which may exist between four human beings placed thousands of miles apart. And now, judge the progress of the experiment for yourself.
D
Oh, Colleen, I'm thinking all the time of those poor dears at the Pole enjoying their Christmas tree in the nice warm headquarters hut. Oh, yes, of course, of course. If they are to get back to the hut tonight at the latest. Isn't it too marvelous to think that my prank and your Jim were sent by headquarters all alone to take possession of a new island for Britain? I'll decorate our tree. Well, hadn't you better wait till we know whether they have succeeded? Anyway, that old tree's all wrong with this room. I don't care if it is all wrong. Frank said they were going to have a Christmas tree in the hut. And I want to feel we're both doing the same thing at the same time. Synchronized affection. You needn't jeer. I'm absolutely certain that it's possible for people who care for each other to be thinking and doing the same things at the same instant. I'm thinking that my cigarette's going out. Corrine, sometimes you're hateful. Sometimes I wonder if you love Jim at all. Oh, hush, hush. You'd better get dressed, dear. Billy Burton's coming in for cocktails at 6.30. I wish. I wish Billy Burton were at the South Pole in the middle of a blizzard.
C
Jim. Jim, old man, was the matter? The blizzard stopped after four days. What's the difference? We'll never get back. Oh, buck up, Jim, can't you? Where's your will comes for? I guess light means right. Oh, man, you've only got to use it. Can you use your fingers, Frank? Half and half. They're going numb again. So's my will. Some queer thing got hold of you, Jim boy.
E
Ah.
C
Frank. Give me those letters out of my pack. Right. Oh, they'll cheer you up a bit. Lordy, this pack's chock full of ice. There are your letters, Jim. I say, Jim. Found something?
D
Crumbs.
C
Biscuit crumbs. How much? Oh, nearly two mouthfuls. Is that all? It's more than we've had for the last few days. You finish them. Makes no difference to me now. No, no, we'll divide them up. Fair? Fair. One mouthful. Yep. Two. Here. Jim. Jim. I say. Oh, just sleep again. Well, he's.
D
I wonder what Frank is talking about at this moment. Karin. I believe they're talking about us. Quite possibly. There can't be many topics of conversation up there. I can almost hear him. He'll be saying little Rosemary just like that. Oh, by the way, where's Lydia?
B
She'll be in soon.
D
Why on earth did you turn off the lights? I'm feeling dreadfully nervous, Colleen. I believe we could almost hear them talking if we were quiet enough. Pity we can't. It's such a waste to be discussed by one's adoring fiance if one doesn't even know what he's saying. Oh, shut up. What does it matter? Surely one can guess. I can anyway.
C
Jim. Jim, wake up. What is it now? I had to tell you. I've been a swine, Jim. I ate your share of the crumbs. Nothing to laugh at, you fool. It's fool. I can't help you gasping about a few crumbs. What do you think I was dreaming of when you woke me? What? Plum pudding. That comes of being a poet, I suppose. How big was it? Oh, the size of the sun with enormous currents. There's only one thing bothering me. Get it off your chest. What's the name of that brand did he put in the sauce? I don't know. Something frightfully old and mellow. I say, even let's ever square love espresso.
A
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F
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C
I'm starting on mine. Turtle soup first. Thick as you can make it. Nearly solid. Mine's clear with wine in it. No good for me. I've got to get right off with something filling. Kids, aren't we gone back to our school days? My hunger's grown up right enough. You're lucky you can dream. I guess I could dream a bit more. Oh, I haven't risen. So cold. Can't you have another Triad lighting the primer stove? It's no go. The oil. Frozen heart oil. That's it. Clear soap.
E
With oil in it.
C
Jesus. Wish I could dream like this. Rouse will start with cream and rare roast beef. Rare roast beef.
D
Colleen, I could feel them talking about us. Really?
B
What were they saying?
D
I don't know exactly, but I know they were well. Put the light on again. Hello, Rosemary.
B
Hello.
D
Hello, Corrine. Oh, Lydia. You might have put on a nice address. Billy Burton will be here in a few minutes. Billy won't notice what I've got on. I got here in time for the first news bulletin. There might be something about Jim. I'll switch the radio on. Jim, I didn't know that you were interested. Lydia, you're not falling for Jim Morgan.
C
I'll do it. Unsettled. First news bulletin. Copyright reserved. A wireless message has been received from the RBS Antarctic Expedition stating that considerable anxiety is felt. Felt as to the whereabouts of Tim Oberon and Frank Stacy, who left headquarters six weeks ago to plant the British flag on the newly discovered island.
B
It is feared that they may have.
C
Been cut off by the blizzard which has been raging for the past four days. And an SOS has been sent to the seaplane depot at Center Point. His Majesty the King today visited.
D
What did I tell you? They fail you. Corinne. How can you? We don't even know if they're alive. Oh, nonsense, Rosie. The seaplanes are certain to have picked them up by now. If one could only see. It seems so strange that two people who love each other shouldn't be able to communicate somehow. Perhaps someone else is interrupting the current. Well, don't stare at me. You're both talking nonsense. We know all that Matters they haven't got through, that's all. It isn't the least like Frank to fail. But of course, Jim might pull him down. Why should Jim pull him down? Well, he's not nearly such a strong character as Frank.
C
Strong?
D
Who wants to be like a piece of beef? Jim's fine. He needs delicate handling. Lydia, thank you for coming to my rescue. I'm quite aware you don't think me worthy of him, but let me tell you, I'd be as proud as anyone if he succeeded. A few more laurels for Ms. Corinne Sheldon. Why aren't you wearing the wristwatch Jim gave you? Well, if you must know, I'm wearing the other one tonight to please Billy Burton. No need to please Jim. He's thousands of miles away. My dear idiot. What difference would it make? He couldn't possibly know. You can never tell how much a poet knows. You are simply imagining things, Lydia. It would be much more to the point if we knew what they were doing. Sheltering in their tents. Probably talking about food. Food? What else should hungry men talk about? Is that how much you think Jim cares for me? I'm certain you don't care for him. Well, Jim's got all my letters in his pack. Gave up his tobacco to get them in. Now, what do you think of that? I think it's disgusting. Any decent person would have told him to take the tobacco and let the letters hang. How can you be so unsealing? Lydia, I shouldn't wonder if Jim's lying snug in his berth and mooning over my letters at this very moment. I can see him taking out those letters one by one, kissing them. I suppose he's crazy about me.
B
Poor old Jim.
C
You awake, Jim? Ah, no use, Frank. I'm done for. No, no. Think of the people at home. Look at these letters. Think of Corinne. Isn't it worthwhile getting back? No, but. What? I don't understand. Those letters. You've been reading them all right, every spare moment. Yes, that's right. You mean you found out that you. You knew? No, no, I. I only guessed. It's been Billy all the time. Lydia tried to warn me, you see, that there's nothing. Nothing to go back for. Rat. Oh, man. I mean to get back. And I'm taking you with me. If I could only get that cove thought out. We'll raise him before they get here. You only had something to burn. You could throw it. Which I haven't. Yes, you have. Burn these Cor letters. Yes, they do the tricking. Quick, give me the Matches the first letter she wrote. Now the rest. All of them. What a smoke they make. Smoke. Smoke. She's slipping away in smoke.
D
This far place gives off nothing but free smoke. Lydia, don't. Come and see the fire, will you? Coming. Have you two been discussing me? Rosemary was going into raptures over your letter writing. I only ventured to suggest that letters in bulk may be a pretty good test. Are you trying to make out that Jim is testing me? The test doesn't lie with Jim. Lydia Cresswell, you're in love with Jim Auburn. Thank you, Corrine, but my private style feelings are my own affair. Not when you allow them to interfere between two people who happen to be engaged to each other. Are you quite sure it's I who am interfering between you and Jim? Rosemary, what's that? An airplane, isn't it? I can't hear anything. These planes going to them all the way from London. Oh, isn't it ridiculous, Rosie, you may say what you like, but I can hear them. If they shouldn't be in time. If they shouldn't be in time. Hold on, Jim. Don't let go.
B
Hold on, Jim.
F
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C
3. He's going. He's going. Jim, for God's sake. They'll come, Jim. They must come. They can't have forgotten it. Jim, you hear a plane. They're coming for us. Jim, I'm. Oh, I'm good. George, you frighten me just now. What was I saying? You told me you were holding on. Not you. I was answering. Answering? Someone. There's no one else here, old chap. Called out.
D
Don't let go.
B
Hold on, Jim.
C
Wandering a bit, aren't you? It's all right, though. Imagine Corrine calling for you, if that helps. No, not Corinne. Oh, quick.
D
For God.
B
Save me. Quick.
C
Good evening again, everybody. I am extremely sorry to have to tell you that my little experiment in synchronization has been a complete failure. Time and place were most carefully chosen. But I regret to say that I observed none of that delicate coincidence between soul and soul which might have been expected from four persons in such circumstances, except by an accident which I cannot account for in the case of a young woman who had no sort of connection with my theme. Hmm. Strange. Strange and unaccountable. Quite unaccountable. And now the Columbia Workshop presents Highway Incident. An episode from a play by Brian J. Burns. Well, night for driving, ain't it for us?
E
Yeah. Well, night clear and cool.
C
I enjoy driving on a night like this.
E
So do I. When you take it easy, you don't.
C
Call it fast, do you? I do. Cut it down.
E
We got plenty of time.
C
I know this road like a book. I can drive it with my eyes closed.
E
Well, keep em open and slow down. Okay, that's better.
C
You know, every time we come up here, your missus makes me promise I'll take good care of you.
E
Yeah, he's been worrying about me for 30 years. I'd be pretty lonesome without Martha. I don't have many friends.
C
Yeah. Hey, that guy's too for me. Yeah.
E
Looks like he's in a hurry.
C
Give him all the room he wants. Pull over. Wow, look at him go.
D
He's doing about age.
C
Crazy fools. He'll wind up behind the for someday. Don't slow up for that turn up ahead.
E
This will be the day.
C
I guess he don't know it's there.
E
He'll know it in a minute.
C
There he goes. He went off the road. Step on a pipe, boss. Hope it ain't serious. Keep going. All right, take it easy now. Hold it. Bring the pipe light. You hear that? Yeah, they're over there.
E
There it is. You all right, mister?
C
I'm okay.
E
Anybody else in there?
C
Yeah, there's an old lady. Help me get her out quick, will you, Tommy? Throw your light in there. Yeah, right, boss.
E
All right, Tommy, here she is. Get a feet. There.
C
You got her? Yeah. Okay. Watch your head. Right.
E
All right, set it down here in the grass.
C
Okay.
E
There's no blood. I guess we got shaken up. Poor old lady. You a chauffeur, son?
C
No, you just hired me for the trip.
E
Here, Tommy. Rub her right arm. Yes, just massage it. You were sure burning up the road, son.
D
It wasn't my fault.
C
She kept begging me to go faster and faster.
E
Yeah?
C
You think she's hurt bad?
E
Rub her left arm now, Tommy.
C
Okay. She'll be all right, I guess.
E
Just painted from fright.
C
You're both pretty lucky, if you ask me. Where were you heading? Albany.
E
What was she in such a hurry about?
C
Don't you know who she is?
E
Can't say I do. Her face looks familiar.
C
It should why, anybody that reads the.
E
Papers, she's coming around. Keep rubbing, Tommy.
C
Okay.
E
You're all right, little lady. Guess you just fainted. Oh, no, no. Wait a minute now. Don't try to sit up yet.
B
Fred. Where's Fred?
C
I'm right here, ma'. Am.
B
Are you all right? You're not hurt?
C
No, ma'.
B
Am.
C
Just a little shaken up, that's all. How are you?
B
I'm all right. But the car. Is it badly smashed?
E
Don't worry about the car, ma'.
C
Am.
E
It landed right side up. The glass. That's about all.
B
Oh, thank God. Then we must start right away. Fred, I've got to get to Albany tonight.
C
I'll go look it over, ma'. Am, see if I can get it started.
B
Oh, you've got to get it started, Fred. You've got to.
C
I'll do my best, ma'. Am.
B
Please. Oh, please. Too much depends on it.
E
There, there, now. Don't get yourself excited, ma'.
C
Am.
E
You've had a narrow escape. You gotta take it easy.
B
You. You don't understand. It's a matter of life and death. I. I've got to get to Albany on time.
E
Well, we'll do all we can to help, but you better rest. Tommy, help him get that car started. See how quick he can get it back on the road.
C
Hey, if there's just a peep left in that buggy, I'll have it humming in no time. Come on, kid.
B
Oh, thank you. Thank you. Please hurry.
C
Don't you worry. We will, Mrs. Lasher.
E
Mrs. Lasker. Did he call you Mrs. Lasker?
B
Yes. You. You recognize the name, I suppose.
E
It's an unusual one. The only one I heard of by that name is Bob Lasker. The murderer.
B
Bob Lasker is not a murderer. He never hurt a soul in his life.
E
Oh, I'm. I'm sorry, ma'. Am.
B
He's being made the victim of a fearful miscarriage of justice. Bob is as fine a son as ever lived.
E
Son?
B
My son? Yes.
E
Why, he's to be executed tonight.
B
Oh, but he won't say. They can't do them to my boy. I'm going to see the governor in Albany. I'm going to make him understand that my. Oh, no, no. You must see why we've got to get the car back on the road. Why, I have to reach Albany tonight.
E
Don't worry, ma'.
C
Am.
E
My driver's a good mechanic. He'll get the car started.
B
I've got to talk to the governor. I've got to say, Bob.
E
I understand, ma'.
C
Am.
E
I sure hope the governor can do something.
B
Can?
E
But he.
B
He must. He can't let them do this to my boy.
E
The governor's not a hard man. I'm sure he'll do all he can.
C
But he.
B
He's the governor of the state. He can save Bob.
E
It's not entirely in the hands of the governor. His powers are limited.
B
What, you. You don't think he'll be able to do anything?
E
You must be prepared in case he can't.
C
But why?
B
Why can't he do something?
C
Why?
E
Public sentiment is a great factor in all such cases as your son.
C
Oh, I know.
B
I know the public. He's against my boy.
E
That's unfortunately true.
B
But the public doesn't understand.
E
Not as you do, ma'.
C
Am.
E
If judgments were dictated by the hearts of mothers, there wouldn't be any execution.
B
Oh, it's brutal, inhuman.
E
It's the expression of the public mind.
B
Then the public is brutal and inhuman. They are persecuting my son.
E
Unfortunately, he has a bad record, and that doesn't help him in the present circumstance.
B
But he. He was never a bad boy. He was wild, yes, but not. No, not bad.
E
I wish for your sake it was like that.
B
Then you share the public opinion. You believe my boy guilty?
E
I have no opinion in these cases, ma'. Am. And until I met you, Bob Lasker concerned me very little. But now I feel that forever bringing a little lady like you moments of pain, he deserves.
B
Oh, please. Please don't say it.
E
I'm sorry to you, ma'. Am. Very sorry. I don't mean to hurt you. I'm just trying in my clumsy way to soften the blow for you in case the governor shows up.
B
Oh, but that can't happen. It can't. I've got to make him steady from my viewpoint.
E
Now, look, little lady. You have been entirely on the tragic side of this matter. Did you ever stop to consider that black as it seems, it has a bright side.
B
A bright side?
E
Yes. I presume you're a religious woman.
B
Why?
E
Then you must know that your son is more fortunate than he is, unfortunately.
B
Fortunate?
D
What?
E
In knowing his time and having the great good fortune to be prepared to meet his maker.
B
Are you a clergyman?
E
No, ma'.
C
Am.
E
I'm just a plain man who lives the things he was thought. Those are the things we must believe. Especially at a time like this.
B
You. You are preparing for the worst, for the best man.
E
If you are truly religious, life's nothing more than a preparation for death.
B
Why, I hadn't looked at it that way.
E
But you must. Death is our greatest blessing because it's a promise. A promise of all the things we wish for.
B
A promise? What do you mean?
E
It's the promise of eternal peace, tranquility and immortality.
B
I. I've been raised to think so.
E
And to fear death is to doubt your heritage.
B
Oh, I. I don't fear it for myself.
E
And you mustn't fear it for him.
B
If I. If I could only know that my boy is aware of these things.
E
We know them best when we come close to the end. He will know them too.
B
Do you think so?
E
I'm sure he will.
B
I hope so. I could bear it better if I could be sure that Bob realizes the end is the beginning.
E
They've got the car started.
B
Yes. But somehow it doesn't seem so desperately important now.
E
Why?
B
Because you. You have reminded me of the things I should never have forgotten. My boy's destiny is in Tender hand.
E
Then you are ready for whatever may happen?
B
I am fortified.
E
I'm glad, ma', am, thanks to you. If the things I've said have helped you, I'm happy indeed they.
B
They have.
C
Hey, for. Yes, Thompson. We got her taken. I think we can get her up.
D
On the road now.
C
All right.
E
Come on, little lady. I'll help you out.
C
Take it easy. There you are.
E
Oh. Here, take my arm. Thank you, Denon. How's that? Better. Here we are.
C
The car's almost as good as new. Thanks. Gee, you sure know your autos. I cut my teeth on one. You ready, Mrs. Lasker? Hey, what's them Bends? Kids. You got a lot of them between here and Albany. Don't worry. I've learned my lesson for tonight. Okay, boss. It's all set. Fine.
E
Are you all right, little lady?
B
Yes, I. I'm all right.
E
Let me help you into the car.
B
Thank you.
E
Easy now. There you are.
B
Now I can see how fortunate the accident was. I. I don't know how I can ever thank you.
E
Oh, that's all right, ma'.
C
Am.
E
I'm happy that I've been able to help.
B
You have helped me more than you know. I'm sure I shall never, never forget you. Goodbye. And thanks again.
E
Goodbye, little lady. Good luck to you.
B
And to you.
C
Come along, lady. Hey, watch your step, kids. I. You know who that little lady is?
E
Yes.
C
You do?
E
Bob Laska's mother.
C
Yeah. She told you, huh?
E
Yeah, I had a long talk with her.
C
You sure fixed her up.
E
I don't know now whether I talk to bolster her spirit or to justify my own existence.
C
Hey, what what's the matter with you?
E
Matter?
C
You look like a ghost.
E
Why?
C
And you're shaking like a leaf. What's the matter?
E
Did you see what she did before she left?
C
What do you mean?
E
She took my hand.
C
Yeah.
E
Pressed it to her cheek.
C
Kissed it. Yeah.
E
It was my right hand. The hand that'll throw the switch to shoot 2000 volts into her void. Tonight.
C
You have heard the fourth presentation.
E
In the Columbia Workshop series.
C
Your criticisms and suggestions will be welcome and will shape the workshop's policy to a great extent. Tune in next week for another program of the workshop.
Date: August 28, 2025
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
This episode of Columbia Workshop delves into the experimental capabilities of radio as a dramatic art. The workshop, known for pushing creative boundaries, presents two short radio plays:
The Columbia Workshop, as noted by its director and guests, seeks active audience feedback to shape future programming and encourages listeners to share criticisms and story suggestions.
(01:04–03:57)
“I'm one of the workshop's severest critics. And you too should voice your criticisms as well as your praise. But their successes will be important because they contribute information and knowledge to an art that is still very young.” (02:03)
(03:57–19:03)
Emotional Synchronicity (04:36–06:54)
“I'm absolutely certain that it's possible for people who care for each other to be thinking and doing the same things at the same instant.” (04:35, Rosemary)
“No, no, we'll divide [the crumbs] up. Fair? Fair.” (06:10, Jim and Frank)
Parallel Conversations (07:12–07:45)
Despair and Sacrifice (14:20–16:05)
“Burn these Corr letters. Yes, they’ll do the trick.” (15:56, Frank)
Metaphysical Connection & Anti-Climax (17:44–19:03)
“I am extremely sorry to have to tell you that my little experiment in synchronization has been a complete failure…except by an accident I cannot account for.” (19:03)
Notable Quote:
“It seems so strange that two people who love each other shouldn't be able to communicate somehow… Perhaps someone else is interrupting the current.” (12:08, Rosemary)
(19:03–32:46)
Rescue and Revelation (21:01–24:10)
“Fred, I've got to get to Albany tonight.” (23:03, Mrs. Lasker)
Human Dilemma and Fate (24:10–28:51)
“If judgments were dictated by the hearts of mothers, there wouldn't be any execution.” (26:12)
“But you must. Death is our greatest blessing because it's a promise. A promise of all the things we wish for.” (28:23)
“Somehow it doesn't seem so desperately important now… You have reminded me of the things I should never have forgotten. My boy's destiny is in Tender hand.” (29:33, Mrs. Lasker)
Twist and Tragedy (31:07–32:46)
“It was my right hand. The hand that'll throw the switch to shoot 2000 volts into her boy. Tonight.” (32:34)
Notable Quotes:
Next Episode Announcement:
“Tune in next week for another program of the workshop.” (32:50)
End of Summary