Elgin Holiday Specials 48-11-25 (x) Elgin Thanksgiving Show 7th Annual

Summary

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Elgin Holiday Specials 48-11-25 – 7th Annual Elgin Thanksgiving Show

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Date: November 19, 2025
Episode Title: Elgin Holiday Specials 48-11-25 (x) Elgin Thanksgiving Show – 7th Annual
Recorded: Originally broadcast, November 25, 1948

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Overview

The 7th Annual Elgin Thanksgiving Show is a grand variety program that captures the warmth, humor, and musical spirit of post-war America. Conceived as a tribute to American servicemen and their families, the show blends music, comedy, and heartfelt messages from some of the era’s biggest radio and entertainment stars. Hosted by Don Ameche, the special brings together luminaries like Mario Lanza, Jimmy Durante, Gary Moore, Jack Benny, Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis, The Mills Brothers, Francis Langford, Andre Previn, Red Skelton, and others for two hours of festive performances and comedic sketches. The message of gratitude, fellowship, and community rings throughout, making it a nostalgic centerpiece for listeners then and now.

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Key Segments and Highlights

Opening—Setting the Thanksgiving Spirit

[00:25–03:00]

• Don Ameche welcomes listeners on behalf of Elgin Watch Company:

  “Happy Thanksgiving. …May I say happy Thanksgiving and welcome to Two Hours of Stars… as Elgin’s way of bringing a little bit of home to our men and women in the service during the holidays.”

• The introduction captures the intent of the broadcast: to unite Americans in celebration and gratitude, especially those serving abroad.

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Mario Lanza’s Musical Kickoff

[03:13–05:57]

• Young opera sensation Mario Lanza opens with a lighthearted Italian number, demonstrating his warm tenor voice:

  “There's an old Italian frame…It's a wonderful word… nowadays we all should learn to sing.”

• His performance sets a jovial, inviting mood for the show.

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Comedy Team: Gary Moore & Jimmy Durante

[05:58–18:00]

• Gary Moore enters with a parody of radio quiz shows, lampooning America's obsession with giveaways:

  “Entertainment on the radio nowadays is passé. Giveaway programs are the big thing. …When a person answers the telephone, he no longer says, ‘Who is it?’ He just says, ‘How much?’” [06:01]

• Jimmy Durante’s entrance brings a blend of music and self-deprecating humor:

  “Get the beak on that turkey. While he was alive, my job was in jeopardy.” [09:15]

• Classic slapstick exchanges about the price of turkeys, “bundling” customs, and mock Thanksgiving poems.
• Performance Highlight: Durante’s signature “Ink a Dink-a-Doo”, with Moore’s comedic interruptions:

  "Show me ‘blue bleep’ in the music. There it is. Blue Bleep." [18:13]

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The Mills Brothers’ Vocal Harmony

[24:50–27:25]

• The Mills Brothers perform “Confess,” showcasing their hallmark smooth vocal ensemble:

  “Why don’t you confess? If you really care for me, then darling, confess…” [27:26]

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Comic Interludes: Vera Vague & Andre Previn

[30:04–34:56]

• Vera Vague (Barbara Jo Allen) brings quirky, flirtatious banter, playing the patron of the musical arts.
• Andre Previn displays piano virtuosity, is described as a “boy wonder”; there’s gentle ribbing about his youth and musical sophistication.

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Bob Hopkins and Star Imitations

[37:13–41:01]

• Bob Hopkins delivers rapid-fire impersonations of celebrities (e.g., Hugh Herbert, Frank Morgan), adding a whimsical, meta-radio feel to the broadcast.

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Jack Benny’s Turkey Hunt

[41:04–55:37]

• Jack Benny stars in a sketch about his comically frugal efforts to buy a Thanksgiving turkey, filled with quips about thrifty shopping:

  “Can you get anything a little further south, selling for about sixty or forty cents?” [52:11]

• Exchanges with a butcher, price negotiations, and a classic Benny punchline:

  “What can you possibly want with a turkey head?”
  “Well, if it’s any of your business, I have a badminton court and it makes a very good shuttlecock.” [54:18]

• Ends in a warm moment about the value of gratitude, even for a “Mexican turkey.”

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Romantic and Operatic Interludes

[60:26–66:47]

• Francis Langford delivers a tender rendition of “Just One of Those Things,” her signature smooth crooning style offering a moment of reflection and romance.
• Mario Lanza returns for a stirring aria from Tosca (“E Lucevan le Stelle”), showcasing the show’s musical depth and verve.

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The Bickersons: Thanksgiving Domestic Chaos

[96:53–108:19]

• Don Ameche and Francis Langford revive their roles as the perpetually squabbling Bickersons in a sharply written Thanksgiving sketch:

  Blanche: “No other man snores like you.”
  John: “How do you know?”
  Blanche: “I talk to my women friends!” [98:33]

• Classic sitcom misunderstandings: turkey mishaps, window drafts, lost headaches, and a farcical purchase of a “bald mink” coat.

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Martin & Lewis: Comic Mayhem

[76:28–89:44]

• Dean Martin croons “Rambling Rose” in his relaxed, charismatic style.
• Jerry Lewis crashes in for wild repartee with Dean and Vera Vague, blending vaudeville and new-school antic comedy:

  Vera: “You’d make a perfect mate for an idiot.”
  Jerry: “Thank you, but you’ll have to ask my father.” [81:00]

• They finish with a harmonized “That Certain Party,” a playful callback to vaudeville.

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Red Skelton as The Mean Widdle Kid

[113:42–124:24]

• Red Skelton stars as Junior, the Mean Widdle Kid, in a Thanksgiving sketch with his mother and grandmother:

  “Why, that was dog food.”
  “Dog food?”
  “Don’t get excited about it. I’ve had me distemper shots, you know.” [120:00]

• The segment ends on a surprisingly sincere note about gratitude, Native American contributions, and social responsibility:

  “He once told me something that made us kids really thankful that we are here now…if we’ll remember to keep our hearts closed to defeat fear, greed and hate...we’ll only have love and understanding for the children of tomorrow.” [123:14]

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Show Finale: Thanksgiving Reflections and Musical Closing

[124:24–End]

• Don Ameche delivers a heartfelt passage on the growth of the nation, gratitude, and social responsibility:

  “It is not enough to give thanks that we have our homes as long as there are Americans who live in shacks and slums…let us dedicate ourselves to the improvement of conditions…so that others less fortunate may join us in giving thanks.” [124:50]

• Massed chorus closes with the hymn “Come Ye Thankful People,” evoking unity and hope for the coming holiday season.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Radio Giveaways:
  Gary Moore: “When a person answers the telephone, he no longer says, ‘Who is it?’ He just says, ‘How much?’” [06:01]
• Jimmy Durante’s Turkey Troubles:
  “Three months ago, I bought a turkey and put him in the backyard to fatten him up. Yesterday I wanted to check on his habits, so I took the turkey to the drugstore to weigh him…he escaped and flew south with a valise full of cranberry sauce.” [10:22]
• Jack Benny’s Penny-Pinching:
  “I want the feet. Yes, I use them for back scratchers. They really dig in, you know.” [54:13]
• The Mean Widdle Kid’s Altruistic Twist:
  “It was just wittle kid’s idea…us kids thought that he deserved a nice Thanksgiving dinner too…Because he’s an American. And besides, it was his folks that made it possible for us to celebrate this day of thanks…” [121:12–122:09]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment/Performer | Highlights | |-------------|-------------------------------------|-----------------------------------------------------| | 00:25–03:00 | Don Ameche/Elgin Watch Introductions| Setting the tone; Thanksgiving message | | 03:13–05:57 | Mario Lanza | Italian pop song, jovial start | | 05:58–18:00 | Gary Moore & Jimmy Durante | Skits on giveaways and Thanksgiving misadventures | | 24:50–27:25 | The Mills Brothers | “Confess” vocal performance | | 30:04–34:56 | Vera Vague & Andre Previn | Musical flirtation, comic interlude | | 41:04–55:37 | Jack Benny | Sketch: Turkey-buying on a budget | | 60:26–66:47 | Francis Langford, Mario Lanza | Romantic and operatic performances | | 76:28–89:44 | Dean Martin & Jerry Lewis | Musical comedy duo antics | | 96:53–108:19| The Bickersons | Thanksgiving domestic farce | | 113:42–124:24| Red Skelton as Junior | Mean Widdle Kid’s Thanksgiving story | | 124:24–End | Don Ameche, Chorus | Reflections and closing hymn |

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Tone and Language

The show is suffused with warm, Americana wit and wordplay—a blend of gentle ribbing, satirical jabs at consumerism and media, alongside sincere, sentimental passages about family, gratitude, and community responsibility. The mixture of fast-paced comedic banter (especially in scenes involving Benny, Moore, Durante, Martin & Lewis, and The Bickersons) and lush, evocative musical numbers creates a rich variety that mirrors the family gatherings it celebrates.

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In Summary

The 7th Annual Elgin Thanksgiving Show is a time capsule of post-war American entertainment, combining comedy, music, and social conscience. Listeners are treated to not only classic routines and songs but also a broad, heartfelt Thanksgiving message—encouraging unity and thankfulness, parodying commercial radio culture, and reminding everyone of the ongoing responsibilities that come with privilege and prosperity.

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For listeners: If you want to experience the Golden Age of Radio’s unique blend of laughter, nostalgia, and warmth, this episode is a joyous (and sometimes biting) holiday feast.

Transcript

[Don Ameche]

What do you think makes the perfect snack?

[Gary Moore]

Hmm, it's gotta be when I'm really.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

Craving it and it's convenient.

[Don Ameche]

Could you be more specific?

[Gary Moore]

When it's cravenient.

[Don Ameche]

Okay, Like a freshly baked cookie made.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

With real butter, available right down the street at a.m. p.m. Or a savory.

[Gary Moore]

Breakfast sandwich I can grab in just.

[Don Ameche]

A second at a.m. p.m. I'm seeing a pattern here.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

Well, yeah, we're talking about what I.

[Don Ameche]

Crave, which is anything from AM PM.

[Gary Moore]

What more could you want?

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

Stop by AM PM where the snacks and drinks are perfectly craveable and convenient. That's cravenience. AM PM Too much. Good stuff.

[Gary Moore]

The Elgin Watch Company, makers of fine American watches for over 80 years, presents its seventh annual Thanksgiving Day greeting to America. Two hours of stars broadcast throughout the United States to our veterans, hospitals and servicemen overseas by Armed Forces Radio and shortwave round the world in the next two hours, the Elgin Watch Company brings you Don Amici, Mario Lanza, Garry Moore, Jimmy Durante, the Mills Brothers, Vera Vague, Andre Previn, Bob Hopkins, Jack Benny, Francis Langford, Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis, the Bickersons and Red Skelton with the Elgin Orchestra and Chorus under the direction of Robert Armbruster, I'm Ken Carpenter and here is your host for the full two hours, Don Amici. There's an and wonderful word of welcome for this day, ladies and gentlemen. It's Happy Thanksgiving. And in behalf of the Elgin Watch Company, the Elgin Jewelers and all the stars gathered together here in Hollywood, may I say happy Thanksgiving and welcome to Two Hours of Stars, originally conceived and short waved overseas seven years ago as Elgin's way of bringing a little bit of home to our men and women in the service during the holidays. Its presentation every Thanksgiving and Christmas Day has been continued through the years as a public service symbolizing the goodwill and fellowship Americans share together during the holidays. And here to start the festivities is the young metro golden mare star discovery, regarded by many as the greatest tenor since Caruso Mario Lanza. There's an old Italian bridge It's an old Italian crow Every little bambino first day every sweet signorino says it the very same way these funny little words don't really mean a thing it's just a phrase that nowadays we all should learn to sing Cosi kosa it's a wonderful word when anyone asks you how you are it's proper to say kozikosa if a lady should ask you if you care you don't have to start a love affair Sing Kosi kosa does it mean yes? No. Does it mean no? Well, yes and no. Cosi kaza get together and sing chalalala it's easy this way so try today to learn to say kazi kaza. Does it mean yes?

[Don Ameche]

No.

[Gary Moore]

Does it mean no? Yes. And. Get together and sing. They'll be calling on Mario for an encore a little later, but right about now, on the Elgin Watch Company's Two Hours of Stars, it's become accustomed to go calling on two gentlemen we feel go together like turkey and cranberry sauce. It was Thanksgiving Day just five years ago that Elgin first presented a famed and fabulous comedy team known as the Nose and the Haircut. Jimmy Durante and Gary Moore. For the past two seasons, each of these pleasantly demented gentlemen has had a show of his own. But every Thanksgiving finds them reunited again at the Elgin Watch Company's request. So let's start as usual, with a junior member of the firm, America's most unpredictable quiz master, the star of Take it or Leave It, Gary Moore.

[Don Ameche]

Thank you.

[Gary Moore]

Thank you very much, Don. Amici and greetings, ladies and gentlemen. Well, who is our first contestant for tonight? You, sir. This gentleman in the front row. Would you like to win $32,000 worth of basketball sneakers? Don't forget. Don't forget to stick around for the giant jackpot race. Folks. Tonight we are giving away 47 acres of vigoro. Look, Gary, old man, all you have to do. All you have to do to win this magnificent prize is identify the breath of the mystery sponsor. Gary, just a minute, please. What? What's the matter? Don, I hate to tell you this, but we don't have any contestants on this program. No contestants?

[Don Ameche]

No.

[Gary Moore]

Well, then who do you give all the prizes to? We don't give any prizes. Then what are all these people doing here? Well, they came here just to be entertained, that's all. Just to be entertained? Oh, you fools. You. You dear, sweet, lovable fools. Done, Don, hadn't you heard? Entertainment on the radio nowadays is passe. Giveaway programs are the big thing. Why, it's gotten so nowadays, Don, that when a person answers the telephone, he no longer says, who is it? He just says, how much? Well, it may seem a bit old fashioned, Gary, but we still believe in entertainment. As a matter of fact, I went to a lot of trouble to cook up some jokes for you to tell today. Jokes, Don? Yeah. You mean like, why does an Indian wear feathers in his hat? It's to keep his wig warm, that sort of thing. Oh, say, even better than that one, I got some real wingdingers for you. Oh, I'll just bet you ding dong have. Where, where are these witticisms? Here, Don. Well, start reading right up there at the top of the page. Oh, oh, I see. Oh, you mean where it says a funny thing happened to me on my way to the studio today. Yeah. Is that a lot of political. That's good. I bet that is. Yes. I'll try anything. I'll try anything once. Here we go. Say Don, a funny thing happened to me on my way to the studio today. I walked into a bakery and I saw a sign on the wall that said Policeman cookies for sale. And I said to the lady behind the counter, for heaven's sakes, what are policemen cookies? And she said cupcakes. Well, that was, that was a real Jim Danny, wasn't it? Oh, you're a Cracker Jack, right?

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

That was.

[Gary Moore]

Yeah. That's the sort of thing that could bring back silent radio. Gee, don't, don't stop now that you're rolling. Go on, read the next line. I'm rolling. You're rolling. Go ahead. Here we go. Say Don, I once knew a boy named Abe and a girl named Anna who fell in love and got married. But two years later they separated. And you know something Don? That's the first time I'd ever seen a banana split. Well, who is our first contestant for tonight? Stick around for the jackpot question.

[Don Ameche]

What do you think makes the perfect snack?

[Gary Moore]

Hmm, it's gotta be when I'm really.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

Craving it and it's convenient.

[Don Ameche]

Could you be more specific?

[Gary Moore]

When it's cravinient.

[Don Ameche]

Okay, like a freshly baked cookie made.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

With real butter available right down the street at a.m. p.m. Or a savory.

[Don Ameche]

Breakfast sandwich I can grab in just a second at a.m. p.m. I'm seeing a pattern here.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

Well yeah, talking about what I crave.

[Don Ameche]

Which is anything from AM PM what.

[Gary Moore]

More could you want?

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

Stop by AMPM where the snacks and drinks are perfectly craveable and convenient. That's cravenience AM PM Too much. Good stuff.

[Don Ameche]

Hey, this is Sarah. Look, I'm standing out front of a.m. p.m. Right now and well, you're sweet and all, but I found something more fulfilling. Even kind of cheesy. But I like it. Sure, you met some of my dietary.

[Gary Moore]

Needs, but they've just got it all. So farewell oatmeal. So long, you strange soggy break up.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

With bland breakfast and taste AMPM's bacon, egg and cheese biscuit made with cage free eggs, smoked bacon and melty cheese on a buttery biscuit. AM P. M Too much good stuff.

[Gary Moore]

See, I. I don't know. Maybe you're right. Gary, tell me more about these quiz shows. Do they all give away money? Oh, heavens to Elizabeth. No, Don. No, no. You see, on some of the shows they give away merchandise. I heard a show the other night where they not only gave a lady a free garbage disposal unit, they also gave her a five year supply of garbage. That's true. And not only that, they also have special quiz programs for every different age group. On the Quiz Kid program the other day, they had one kid who was only a year and a half old. A year and a half? Uh huh. They had to transcribe the program so the kid could be burped at a more convenient time. They think of. Yeah, well, that takes care of the kitties. But what about the old folks? Is there no special quiz program for them? Well, no, no, not yet, but I'm working on it, Don. I'm developing a new quiz show with four experts. One is 95 years old, another is 102, another is 112, and the other is 117 years old. And I'm calling this program can you stand up? Gonna be a great thing. But look at. Don. Don't let me talk you out of entertainment. As a matter of fact, I'm expecting a very dear friend of mine any minute now. One of the great entertainers of our time. And sure enough, here he comes now. The small man with the large nose and the heart to match the one and only Jimmy Durante in person. You've gotta start off these days with a song. Even when things go wrong, you feel better. You'll even look better. Wait a minute, wait a minute. How do you like that? One turkey survives Thanksgiving and already he's making a guest appearance. Get the beak on that turkey. While he was alive, my job was in jeopardy. You haven't changed a bit. It's my old Durante in the flesh. Durante in the flesh. Don't tell me I forgot to put on a suit. But. Greetings, Gary, and top of the turkey to you. Thank you, James. And in honor of the day, I would like to read a poem of thanksgiving. Greetings to the president in Washington D.C. it sounds fetching. How does this, this poem go? Happy Thanksgiving, Mr. Truman. In November you're still bloomin though outside the snows may flurry. Ain't that better than Missouri? You better laugh, folks. No, coward. Don't write this junk for nothing, you know. No. May I say, James, that that poem was truly a beautiful sentiment. Thank you, Junior. But do you think Mr. Truman can get elected twice? Uh, Jim, look, you don't say twice. The word is just twice. That's what I said. Twiced. No, no, Jim. You see, there's. There is no t on the end of twice. Now, look, just. Just say twice, then clap your hand over your mouth. Okay, twice. What happened? Must have leaked out through my nose. I know it took a long time, but that's quite a trip. It's the scenic route, Jimmy. Look, since turkeys are so high this year, did you have any trouble getting one for Thanksgiving? Gary, I avoided that dilemma. You did, huh? Three months ago, I. That's good. That's the time they didn't stick me. I like to repeat that. Go ahead, I dare you. Gary. I avoid a debt dilemma. Three months ago, I bought. Three months ago, I bought a turkey and put him in the backyard to fatten him up. Yesterday I wanted to check on his habit of. So I took the turkey down to the drugstore to weigh him. I put the turkey on the scale, dropped the penny in the slot, and out came a card that said, you weigh 22 pounds and have no. The turkey must have seen that cod course. Shortly thereafter, he escaped. He flew south with a valise full of cranberry sauce. That's right. Then how did you go about getting another turkey for Thanksgiving, James? Well, the butchers were sold out, so I went to a turkey raffle. And what a fiasco. You see, I had number 845-73849, 5867. And the fellow next to me had number 848-574-63529. So just for luck, I said, you have a kind face. I'll trade you for my 845-738-49-5867 for your 845-875-463529. So he gave me the 848-57-463529 for my 847-384-85867. A lucky number. Well, who won? The judge's brother in law with number six. A peculiar coincidence. But in spite of everything, Junior, what a grand tradition Thanksgiving is. Yeah, and how few of us, James, appreciate the pilgrims, those wonderful people who inaugurated Thanksgiving. To say nothing of the custom of bundling. Bundling, Junior. And whatever might that be? Well, bundling is a custom whereby two pilgrims would nestle close together to keep warm. How do you like that? Every time I've been in that Paramount balcony, I've been surrounded by pilgrims. And I didn't know it, but Junior Thanksgiving is an unhappy time of the year for me. It reminds me of my first girlfriend, Brenda Minestrone. Jim, this is a side of your life I didn't know about. Were you serious with this girl, Brenda Minestrone? As serious as two people can be. We even considered matrimony, but her parents objected. So one night we decided to elope. But halfway down the ladder, her father caught me. He caught you on the ladder? Well, gee whiz, Jim, what did you do? What could I do? I painted the side of the house. Hey, look at Jim. You know, I'll bet you're having real girl trouble now with that handsome Alan Young on your camel show. Oh, I don't know. When it comes to sashay and affemes, I can compete with them anytime. Goody. That Jimmy Allen Young has kissed girls that wouldn't even look at you. So what? I've kissed girls that wouldn't look at me either. But enough of this, Father Al Jr. It's time for us to go to work and entertain the people. What have you cooked up for us this year? Well, James, this year I'm answering a little request of my own. I'm sure the folks out there would enjoy hearing you do in its entirety your famous composition, Ink a Dinkadoo. A flattering request, Mr. Moore. I shall comply with alacrity, Mr. Armbuster. A fan. A fanfare, if you please. Ladies and gentlemen, in this number, I shall accompany myself at the piano. No applause, please. No applause. And I'm also hoping that this year Mr. Moore will not attempt to accompany me on the drum. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Mr. Moore, you may be on Take it or Leave it. But please leave it. I can't take it.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

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[Don Ameche]

What do you think makes the perfect snack?

[Gary Moore]

Hmm, it's gotta be when I'm really.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

Craving it and it's convenient.

[Don Ameche]

Could you be more specific?

[Gary Moore]

When it's cravenient.

[Don Ameche]

Okay, Like a freshly baked cookie made.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

With real butter, available right down the street at a.m. p.m. Or a savory.

[Gary Moore]

Breakfast sandwich I can grab in just.

[Don Ameche]

A second at a.m. p.m. I'm seeing a pattern here.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

Well, yeah, we're talking about what I.

[Don Ameche]

Crave, which is anything from AM PM.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

Could you want stop by AMPM where the snacks and drinks are perfectly craveable and convenient. That's cravenience ampm. Too much good stuff.

[Gary Moore]

Where's my place? But now we shall continue halfway. That's the way I always do when I miss it. But now we shall continue halfway between the pitu and the kata. Now, once upon a time they sang the bode o Doe. But that was long ago. Oh, long ago, my darling. Mr. Moore, would you mind turning your head the other way? You're throwing my piano out of tune. Look who's talking. Is there any truth to the rumor, James, that before every performance you gargle with Chanel's Drano number five? It's an outright slander. I use nothing but Gorgeous George number six. But. But. Let's continue. Then everybody started in to boop boop a doop. They got tired of that, you know. Blue bleep. I'll give you $50 if you show me blue bleep in the music. Show me bleep in the music. There it is. Bleep. Show me blue bleep in the music.$ Blue bleep. It's right in there. Where? Says right in there. Music. Blue bleep. Too bad I can't.

[Don Ameche]

Stand.

[Gary Moore]

Stand by for the chorus, Miss Don Buster. But the tune for you and me is that swingy symphony Dinkle sympathy A dink a dink a dinkadoo A dink a dink oh, what a tune for. It's got the whole.

[Don Ameche]

Telephone.

[Gary Moore]

Telephone, Jim. I'll get it. I'll get the telephone. Hello? Hello.

[Don Ameche]

What?

[Gary Moore]

You say you've been listening to Mr. Duranty sing on your radio? No. Well, I'll certainly tell him that. Goodbye, Junior. Who is that calling? Princess Elizabeth. She says you have just curdled the baby's milk. You know, I've made an international profile. But nevertheless. But nevertheless, Mr. Armblister, we shall carry on. Conmoto Petrillo Eskimo Bells up in Iceland are ringing They've made their own paradise land Singing ink a dink a dee A dinkadoo A dink a dee Simply means ink a dink a Dee oh, Mr. Rainey.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, your voice thrills me so. You're so wonderful. You're just wonderful. And I love your voice.

[Gary Moore]

For heaven's sakes, Jim, who is that? I can't help it, Gary. Sinatra appeals to the Bobby Sakas, but somebody's got to take care of the corset crowd. You know, Jim, to be honest with you, I agree with that girl. Your voice combines all the mellifluous attributes of cathedral chimes in the quiet noon of a winter's day. And in comparison, I feel that you are far superior to Lawrence Melchior, Lawrence Tibbett and John Charles Thomas. How do you like that? Thanksgiving isn't even over and already this boy is anglin for his Christmas present. But I shall ignore him and continue. Eskimo bells up in Iceland are ringing They've made their own paradise land Singing ink A dink, a dee a dinkadoo A dink, a dink Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait. Wait a minute. Keep laughing, folks. I lost my music. I wish I could see Mr. Moore, folks. I got his head right in the piano. Mr. Moore, if I was you, I'd pick up your bass drum and beat it. Jimmy, look, I. I hate to interrupt, but it didn't make any difference. A messenger just came in from the sponsor, Mr. Elgin. He's been listening to us out there in Elgin, Illinois. A messenger from the sponsor? Well, don't just stand there, messenger. What does the sponsor have to say about our performance? I'm feeling mighty low. That's the final humiliation. Let's go home, Mr. Moore. Go home, Mr. Durante. Dink I think a dee a dinkadoo A dinkity simply means I think it means I think a doo. Thank you, Jimmy Durante and Gary Moore. Now here's another friend of yours who's always around on Thanksgiving, Ken Carpenter. Starring in the Velvet Touch Independent Artists picture released by RKO Radio is the Lovely Rosalind Russell. Ms. Russell is noted for her good taste in clothes and accessories. In fact, she's been voted one of the best dressed women in America. So when Rosalind Russell exclaims over the beauty of Elgin watches, that's style new, Ms. Russell commented enthusiastically. Brilliant styling is only half their glory. What she referred to, of course, is Elgin's amazing mainspring that's made of a wholly new alloy of metals. Elgin's exclusive Durapower mainspring. The DuraPower MainSpring eliminates 99% of all repairs due to steel mainspring failures. Rosalind Russell is only one of many Hollywood favorites who admires Elgin watches Robert Montgomery co starring in the picture the Saxon Charm Set. The new Elgin. Oh, handsome. Yes. But that new mainspring makes history. The DuraPower MainSpring eliminates 99% of all repairs due to steel mainspring failures. Gertrude Lawrence was another thrilled by their beauty. When this idol of theater Gore's was told of the Durapower mainspring, she exclaimed, that I would surely want in a Christmas watch. And an interesting comment came from Mrs. Lawrence Tibbett, the charming wife of the famous Metropolitan Opera star and one of America's best dressed women. When she saw the beautiful new Algin watches and learned of their dura power mainspring, Mrs. Tibbetts said, Ah, tell that inside story to every Santa Claus. And that's exactly what Elgin's doing right now. The Dura power MainSpring eliminates 99% of all repairs due to steel mainspring failures. So be sure to see the stunning new Lord and Lady Elgin watches at your jewelers. The only watches in the world with this amazing assurance of dependability and continuing accuracy. Watches that have won the admiration of men and women most particular about style. Just as surely as Christmas is on the way, you or someone you love will be happier with an Elgin watch. Laughter and song are as traditional a part of Thanksgiving as well. The Elgin Watch Company's two hours a start. And when Elgin was preparing its guest list, it was only natural when it came to songs that they should think of four boys who've been burnishing ballads so long and so artfully that they become a show business fixture. They play the command performance for the King and Queen of England. They've sung in Europe and Australia. But they couldn't be more welcome anywhere than they are right here this Thanksgiving Day. The Mills Brothers. Confess why don't you confess? Why don't you reveal to me the way that you feel?

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

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[Gary Moore]

Tired of juggling sales tools or spending hours on prospecting just to book a few meetings? Meet Apollo, the go to Market platform for finding leads, connecting with buyers and closing deals all in one place. Apollo gives you access to over 210 million contacts and AI that handles all your busywork finding leads, drafting emails and even prioritizing your day. So stop paying for five different sales tools. When one does it all, visit Apollo I.O. and sign up free today. And say that you're mine how long must I keep waiting For a tender word from you? The sweetest rooster's fading when the sunshine won't come through Confess Please don't make me gay if you really care for me Then darling, confess Confess Confess Confess why don't you confess? Why don't you reveal to me for the way that you feel a little Confess Confess it isn't a cry to open your heart to me and say that you're mine how long must I keep waiting For a tender word from you the sweetest rose starts fading when the sunshine won't come through Confession Please don't make me guess if you really care for me Then darling, confess Confess Confess if you could care Then darling confess. All right, fine, little brother. That's wonderful. We'll be looking looking forward to your answer. You know, I've been on hand for the Elgin Watch Company's Two Hours stars now for six out of its seven years. And yet every time Thanksgiving Day comes around, I get the same old thrill of anticipation. To me, it always recalls boyhood days back in Kenosha, Wisconsin. The air was filled with a sharp, sweet scent of wood smoke. The first soft falling snow seemed to wrap the land in still enchantment. And you could hear the wind softly calling. Yo ho.

[Don Ameche]

Mr. Michie.

[Gary Moore]

Ms. Vera Vane. Ah, Miss Vague. Back to celebrate Thanksgiving with me? Just like a pilgrim.

[Don Ameche]

Yes, but I'm still not making any progress.

[Gary Moore]

Oh, I don't know, Miss Vague. Last night I dreamed about you.

[Don Ameche]

You did? Oh, if there's anything I admire, it's a man who lives dangerously. Tell me all about it.

[Gary Moore]

Well, I dreamed we were sitting together in front of a fire, and you moved closer and closer toward me as the flames mounted, higher and higher. And then suddenly the fire flickered out and I woke up.

[Don Ameche]

Well, throw another log on the fire and let's start over. Why did you have to wake up at that moment?

[Gary Moore]

Oh, just lucky, I guess. After all, Ms. Vague, I'm what you call the Latin type, so I really prefer the Latin type of woman. Fiery, vivacious, with red blood in her veins.

[Don Ameche]

What do you think I have in mind? Tomato juice? Sometimes I think I'm the Chinese type, though.

[Gary Moore]

The Chinese type?

[Don Ameche]

Yeah. So many men tell me to take a slow boat to China.

[Gary Moore]

Ah, Miss Meg, you haven't changed a bit. You're just the same as ever. Utterly and completely. Shall we put it charming?

[Don Ameche]

Yes, let's put it There. And don't you dare move it. But you know, Mr. Amici, I really have changed. Yes, I have. I've become a patron of the arts. From now on, Mr. Amici, I'm devoting myself to music.

[Gary Moore]

Oh, you love music?

[Don Ameche]

No, just musicians. I don't mind telling you, Mr. Michi, that I'm looking for some likely young prospect to take under my wing right now.

[Gary Moore]

Oh, really, Ms.

[Don Ameche]

Vague.

[Gary Moore]

Well, then I'm sure you want to meet the young man whose album Previn Plays the Piano is at the top of the bestseller list. May I present Andre Previn.

[Don Ameche]

Mr. Amici. He's just a boy. I'm observing, of course, not complaining. How old are you, dear?

[Gary Moore]

19. Andre started playing the piano when he was five. Back in Germany, he was regarded as a boy wonder.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, really? You know, when I was a girl, I used to wonder what I was too. Oh, how often I wished when I was a child I hadn't a chance to play the piano.

[Gary Moore]

Oh, I wouldn't feel too bad, Miss Vague. After all, when you were a girl, they didn't have piano pianos.

[Don Ameche]

Bless every little white bristle in your mustache.

[Gary Moore]

Well, I. I think you'd make an Excellent pianist, Ms.

[Don Ameche]

Vague.

[Gary Moore]

I couldn't help noticing the shape of your hands.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, really?

[Gary Moore]

Yes, yes, they're so long and taped. How did your fingers get so strong and yet so soft and pliant?

[Don Ameche]

Well, I'm on the night shift at the dairy farm.

[Gary Moore]

Of course, you know, Ms. Beg, Andre's not only a pianist, he's also a composer, conductor, and works for Metro. Golden Mayor. The producers of Hills of Home, starring Lassie, Edmund, Gwen and Donald Crisp. That's right. I'm composing a song for Lassie.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, is that so? What are you calling it? Come to me, my melancholy. Silly. I suppose you're really interested in the classics, aren't you, Mr. Trevin?

[Gary Moore]

Yes. You really haven't lived, Ms. Vague, until you've had a taste of Beethoven's Fifth.

[Don Ameche]

My goodness. A boy his age drinking hard liquor.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

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[Gary Moore]

Tired of juggling sales tools or spending hours on Prospecting? Just to book a few meetings. Meet Apollo, the go to market platform for finding leads, connecting with buyers and closing deals all in one place. Apollo gives you access to over 210 million contacts and AI that handles all your busy work, finding leads, drafting emails and even prioritizing your day. So stop paying for five different sales tools when one does it all. Visit Apollo I.O. and sign up free today.

[Don Ameche]

My goodness. A boy his age drinking hard liquor.

[Gary Moore]

Ms. Fayg, Beethoven is one of the great masters.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, yes, of course. What am I thinking of? For a moment, his name slipped my mind.

[Gary Moore]

Well, it's easy to slip up there. That's a pretty wet neighbor.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, that's very funny, Mr. Meeche. Very funny. Mr. Meeche. Has Tarzan heard about those tusks you use for teeth? Now, let's not you and I quarrel. I'm really fond of you, Mr. Amici. And I want you to know that I am familiar with the masters.

[Gary Moore]

You are?

[Don Ameche]

Yes. I mastered Mozart, I've dug into Schumann, and right now I'm going into Haydn.

[Gary Moore]

Yes, do that, Ms. Vague. That's a wonderful idea. And while you go into hiding, suppose Andre Previn makes himself comfortable at the Baldwin and slips into his own treatment of lover. Andre Previn. Sa. Elgin. Thank you, Andre Freddin. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Bob Hopkins imitations are not only flattering, they're highly authentic. You know, I've often thought it must be quite a strain to be the wife of an imitator like Bob. She never knows whether she be having breakfast with Charlie McCarthy, Bing Crosby, the great Gildersleeve. Well, I'll see. Here, Donnie. You know I'm always happy to have breakfast with any little lady. Don. Of course. I don't want to get in any trouble around here. Well, bless my soul. If it isn't Hugh Herbert. Hugh Herbert. Where, oh, where. Where is he? Where is he? Oh, right here. Right here. Well, you seem to be enjoying yourself, Hugh Woo or Everett. Terrible time. Terrible time. Terrible. Can't stay around. Very busy. Very. I promise to meet Frank Morgan. Oh, Frank can wait. My goodness. Thanks D. Well, I've been playing around all day. Really, Frank, what have you been waiting for? Oh, well, I. I want to get some of that goose we were having for dinner. Yeah, but Frank, this is Thanksgiving. What makes you so sure you're having goose? Well, you see, I. I was out all last night celebrating. Unfortunately, I forgot to invite my wife. Got home this morning, the maid greeted me at the door and she says, oh, Mr. Morgan, is your Goose cook. And was it? I didn't stay to find out. You see, my wife has a surplus of good qualities. When she gets excited, she's amazingly short on poise. Well, why is that? Short poise for station identification. Yes, and the Altam Arts Company will continue two hours of stars right after a short poise for station identification. Okay, this is too much. Oh, no. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company. Oh, yes. Two hours of stars. The Elgin Watch Company's seventh annual two hour Thanksgiving Day greeting to the nation continues with Don Amici, Jack Benny, Francis Langford, Vera Vague, Mario Lanza, Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis, Red Skelton, the Bickersons, the Mills Brothers, Andre Previn and the Elgin Orchestra in chorus under the direction of Robert Ambrose. And here again is your host, Don Amici. It's with good reason that America gives thanks today. Thanks not only for our fields and farms, our forests and fisheries, but for the native ability and creative genius of our scientists, our artists, those who make the clothes we wear and the food we eat. And let's not forget the American house she it was who had to plan today's dinner to worry about the budget to shop wisely and save a few pennies here and there. It is in her honor that the Elgin Watch Company and the Elgin Jewelers now present a guest who is intimately familiar with the problems of the housewife and knows from firsthand experience her bitter struggle to keep her table nutritious and plentiful in the face of rising prices. I refer to Mr. Jack Ben. About three days ago, I was in my car driving down Sunset Boulevard when I noticed a hitchhiker standing on the corner. He was waving his thumb at me. Hey, mister. Hey, mister. How about a lift going downtown, mister? Get off of my running board, you bum, before I go. Why, it's Jack Benny. Yes, I. Oh, Don Ameche. Oh.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

Do you know what happens when you replace your regular old electric water heater with a new electric heat pump water heater? You boost your saving a lot. In fact, Energy Star estimates that a family of four will save an average of $550 a year on their electric energy bills. And your new heat pump water heater can pay for itself in as little as three years. Level up with a heat pump water heater. Go to levelupmywaterheater.com to learn more.

[Gary Moore]

Tired of juggling sales tools or spending hours on prospecting just to book a few meetings? Meet Apollo, the go to market platform for finding leads, connecting with buyers and closing deals all in one place. Apollo gives you access to over 210 million contacts and AI that handles all your busy work. Finding leads, drafting emails, and even prioritizing your day. So stop paying for five different sales tools when one does it all. Visit Apollo I.O. and sign up free today. I'm glad you drove by, Don. Can I ride down a few blocks with you? Oh, certainly, Jack. Glad to have you. It's a great help, Don. I'm doing my Thanksgiving shopping for a turkey, and it's hard to get around without a car, you know. Without a car? What happened to yours? Well, it's in the shop. I had a terrible accident. You know, some young kid crashed into me from behind and crumpled up the whole back of my car. Oh, must have hit you pretty hard. What was he driving? A bicycle. But it was one of those three wheelers and they're heavy, you know. Lucky nobody was hurt. Whoops. Watch it, Don. You came awfully close to that truck. You're not nervous, are you, Jack? Well, no, but. Don, is it all right if I get off this running board and sit inside? I'd feel a lot safer. Oh, I'm sorry, Jack. I should have suggested it sooner. Come on, hop in. Where do you want me to drop you off, Jack? Oh, down here a few blocks. You know that swanky market where all the movie stars shop? I think it's called the Ritz. Oh, of course, I know the place is very expensive. Well, I do my shopping just around the corner from there. It's called Max's Thrifty Low Price Cut Rate Market. It's. It's three flights up there. How did you ever find a place like that? Well, there's an old clothes dealer in the same building, and every now and then I pick up a bargain. You can stop at this corner, Doc. Well, here you are, Jack. Oh, darn it. I ripped my sleeve. There's luck for you. Adolph Monju wore this suit for 10 years. Nothing ever happened to him. Well, thanks a lot, Don. You're welcome, Jack. Oh, by the way, Don, I'll be finished with my shopping in 20 minutes, so if you're coming back this way, I won't have to call for a taxi. No, it takes so long to get one. Well, I'm sorry, Jack, but I won't be coming back for at least three hours. Oh, good, then I'll wait for you. I'll see you later, Don. So long, Jack. Well, I better hurry upstairs before the turkeys are all sold out. Well, this is the second floor. There's a new dentist here where the plumber used to be same office.

[Don Ameche]

Good morning, sir.

[Gary Moore]

Good morning.

[Don Ameche]

Would you care to have any teeth pulled?

[Gary Moore]

No, no, thank you.

[Don Ameche]

Any leaks fixed?

[Gary Moore]

No, no, no. I'm just going upstairs to the market. Well, this is the third floor. Gee, there's a taxidermist here now. H.D. smith, taxidermist. Good morning, sir. Oh, good morning. Have you any birds, reptiles or animals that you care to have preserved? No, no, thank you. I'm just going upstairs to the market. I'm getting my Thanksgiving turkey. Well, bring it down. We'll stuff it for you. No, no, I'll stuff it myself. I just want it to look good for a couple of days, you know. Phew. Stairs are steep. Well, I guess the man loses some of his pep when he's nearing 40. Well, here's another floor. Gee, a lot of new people have moved in here. Meredith Grimes, mortician. Good morning, sir. Would you like. Keep your bony hands off of me. I'm going upstairs to get a turkey. Now, let's see. I'll need a vegetable to go with the turkey. Maybe I'll get a can of peas. But I won't get the Tiger brand this time. There are only 327 peas to the can. Every Other brand has 334. Acme only has 330, but they're the giant size. Well, at last. The poultry department looks pretty crowded. I better get in here before there's nothing left. Hello, Mr. Benny boy.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

Well.

[Gary Moore]

Well, hello, Mr. Kitzel. What are you doing here?

[Don Ameche]

I'm doing my Thanksgiving shopping. Did I just buy a Twinkie?

[Gary Moore]

Oh, did you get a real big one? Well, who do you think this is standing next to me? My wife? I'm sorry. That comb had me fooled there. Say, what. What is a. That is a good sized turkey. How are you gonna stuff it?

[Don Ameche]

Well, I'll put in some herring, some.

[Gary Moore]

Matcha balls, chopped liver, a couple of bagels, and I'll cover the whole thing with sour. Well, well, Mr. Kitzel, won't that spoil the turkey? Who eats the turkey? Oh, then, then, then why did you buy it? Mr. Benny? What's Thanksgiving without a turkey? Oh, I see. Well, I'm gonna do my shopping now. Goodbye, Mr. Kitzel. And a happy Thanksgiving.

[Don Ameche]

The feeling is identical.

[Gary Moore]

Thank. Well, I might as well go in and get it over with. Hey, Sam, look who just came in here. Oh, no. You take him, Joe. I had him last time. He bought a half a pound of round steak and followed it all the way through the grinder. If I hadn't pulled his nose out in time, it Would have been a pound. I know. I sold him a beef heart the other day. And the way he cried when I trimmed it, you'd think it was his own. I tell you, that guy Benny watches every move you make. Last week I was waiting on Mrs. Watson and he made me so nervous I gave her the right change. Hello, Sam. Hi, Joe. I'd like to look at a nice turkey. Well, there they are hanging up. Look at them. Oh, yes. Hey, that third one from the end is cute. She has nice legs. That's a tie. Oh. Oh. What are you getting for them? Well, the Washington turkeys are 90 cents a pound. The Oregon turkeys are 80 cents a pound and the California turkeys are 70 cents. Have you got anything a little further south. Selling for about 60 or 40 cents? Have you got any mechanics? Mexican turkeys. A Mexican turkey. Wait a minute. How's this? How much is it? 60 centavos a pound. Centavo sici, senor. Now cut that out. Look, I want a nice plump one. About six pounds.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

Do you know what happens when you replace your regular old electric water heater with a new electric heat pump water heater? You boost your savings a lot. In fact, Energy Star estimates that a family of four will save an average of $500 a year on their electric energy bills. And your new heat pump water heater can pay for itself in as little as three years. Level up with a heat pump water heater. Go to levelupmywaterheater.com to learn more.

[Gary Moore]

Six pounds. Listen, Benny, I don't know where you got your information, but the only way you can get a six pound turkey is to hatch the egg and kill it as it steps out of the shell. Well, then get the smallest one you have and let me see what it weighs. Okay. Here's this scrawny one.

[Don Ameche]

There.

[Gary Moore]

Wait a minute. Take that heavy brown paper off the scale. You think you got a sucker here? What are you trying to pull? I'm not trying to pull anything. That paper is just to keep the scale clean. Keep it clean at your own expense. Take your biggest fat thumb off of there, too. That's better. Well, that's a little over £7. That'll be 430. I'll take it. You better clean it for me. I suppose you want the feet. Yes, I use them for back scratchers. They really dig in, you know. Hey, wait a minute. Don't throw. Don't throw that head away. You want the head? Certainly. I'm paying for. Now I've heard everything. What can you possibly want With a turkey head. Well, if it's any of your business, I have a badminton court and it makes a very good shuttlecock. I want the heart, the liver and the gizzard, too. Well, this is gonna be a shock to you, Benny, but we threw away the feathers. Don't be funny. Now, wrap it up and here's your money. Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I'm missing a dollar. It's gone. I must have dropped it. I$. It's gotta be here somewhere. I had it when I came in. No, no, take it easy. You'll find it. Here's something. That's a dollar bill. That's it. That's it. Give me it. Give me it. Give me it. Just a second. How do we know this is your dollar bill? It was lying on the floor behind the counter. It's my dollar, I tell you. I can prove it. The serial number is E662593471. E series 1935C. Now, give me my turkey and let me get out of here. Hey, Don. Oh, Don Amici. Hello, Don. Jack, are you still here? Sure. I've been waiting for you. You said you'd be back, you know. But I was delayed. I thought sure you'd take a taxi home. How long you been waiting? Since 10:30 this morning. But jackets after midnight. It is.

[Don Ameche]

Yes.

[Gary Moore]

Gosh, you must have been lonesome. No, no, I had the turkey with me. We didn't. Well, hop in. I'll drive you home. Well, thanks. Thank you. Well, did you get a nice turkey, Jack? Oh, beauty. It's important, you know. It comes from Mexico, and they're the very best. A Mexican turkey? Yes. Instead of chestnuts, you stuff it with chili con carne. There, It's. It's very tasty. Say, how come you know so much about turkeys? What? What'd you say, Don? I said, how come you know so much about turkeys? Did you ever see the Horn Blows at midnight? Drive on, Mr. Amic. Five arms. Well, Jack certainly has his little difficulties. Don. So isn't that Jack's telephone operator? Mabel Flapsaddle walking in? Yeah. She's another one of his little difficulties. Let's get out of here before she chews our ear off.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, Mr. Amici. Mr. Carpenter. Well, maybe that gentleman sweeping up the stage can help me. Hey, you with the broom.

[Gary Moore]

Yes.

[Don Ameche]

I thought you might be able to help me. I saw you standing there with that broom.

[Gary Moore]

Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not giving any rides today. What happened to your own Broom. Did you lose it? Halloween?

[Don Ameche]

Oh, don't be silly. I want to buy a Lady Elgin watch and I thought you could tell me where I could find the nearest you. You know, all over America, intelligent women are wearing Elgins.

[Gary Moore]

Then I have just the thing for you.

[Don Ameche]

An Elgin?

[Gary Moore]

No, a Shmoo.

[Don Ameche]

A Shmoo?

[Gary Moore]

Yes. You'd be amazed the way the Shmoo watches catch attention. When people see you wearing one on the street, they'll come up and say, what is it?

[Don Ameche]

They do that now. And I'm not even wearing one.

[Gary Moore]

I suppose you've heard of his wonderful, wonderful new features. Four push buttons, a pedometer, a built in radio, and it lights up at night. I wear a schmoo and everywhere I go, I glow.

[Don Ameche]

Yeah, well, if you ask me, you just blew a fuse. I don't want a schmoo. I want a Lady Elgin with one of those new rust proof durapower mainsprings. They eliminate 99% of repairs due to steel mainspring failures.

[Gary Moore]

But, my dear madam, I happen to be a. You certainly are. As I was about to say, the new schmoo even contains a compass. Have you ever boxed a compass?

[Don Ameche]

No, but I've rattled at the Palladium. I'm a regular Dura power mainspring the way I hold my springiness.

[Gary Moore]

Yes, but with a schmoo you can tell what time it is in the sandwich islands. Anchor Vat and Do or Diddy. There's a dial forever.

[Don Ameche]

Well, how do you tell what time.

[Gary Moore]

It is Here, Dial the telephone company. You might as well give up right now, old man. Ms. Flap Saddle. Ms. Flap Saddle is like thousands of other smart holiday shoppers. She knows it's appearance and timekeeping performance that counts in a watch. When you buy an Elgin, you're getting the smartest in styling and the last word and accuracy. Oh, you're so right. Confidentially, I hate the new schmooze. That's why I've been trying to sell one to Ms. Flapsack. I don't understand. If you hate, what about the one you're wearing? That's the one I've been trying to sell Miss Flapsaddle. Oh, I'm a devil on I Dubois. Thank you. Sarah Burner and Frank Nelson Longfellow wrote, music is the universal language of mankind. And here is a girl who really speaks that language. A familiar face to GIs all over the world during the war years and a familiar voice to all of us. Lovely Francis Langford.

[Don Ameche]

It was just one of those things. Just one of Those crazy flings One.

[Gary Moore]

Of those bells that now and then.

[Don Ameche]

Ring Just one of those things Just one of those nights Just one of those fabulous flights A trip to the moon on gossamer wings Just one of those things if we'd thought a bit of the end of it when we.

[Gary Moore]

Started painting the town we'd have been.

[Don Ameche]

Aware that our love affairs it was too hot not to cool down so goodbye dear and amen here's hoping we meet now and then do you know.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

What happens when you replace your regular old electric water heater with a new electric heat pump water heater? You boost your savings a lot. In fact, Energy Star estimates that a family of four will save an average of $550 a year on their electric energy bills. And your new heat pump water heater can pay for its in as little as three years. Level up with a heat pump water heater. Go to levelupmywaterheater.com to learn more.

[Don Ameche]

It was great fun but it was just one of those things.

[Gary Moore]

It was just one of those things Just one of those crazy things One of those fails to come Just one of those.

[Don Ameche]

Things if we thought a bit of the end of it when we started painting the town we'd have been aware that our love affair was too hot not to cool down so goodbye dear and amen here's hoping we meet night there and it was great fun but it was just fun Just fun Almost there.

[Gary Moore]

Say, Ms. Vague, now that you've become a patriot, how would you like to take Frances Langford under your wing? I think she's far and away one of the country's best singers.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, yeah, that's just where I like her best. Far and away.

[Gary Moore]

Oh, Ms. Vague, do I detect a note of jealousy creeping into your voice? Is that green eyed monster coming into view again?

[Don Ameche]

Yes, she is. And you can blame the Elgin Watch Company. They invited her here. Ms. Vague, how nice to see you again. I hope I'm not intruding. Oh, no, course not, dear. But right in.

[Gary Moore]

We were just talking about your voice, Francis. I'm always amazed that so many beautiful notes can come out of that mouth.

[Don Ameche]

No, I'm not. There's room in there for Fred Wearing and his choir. No offense there. Just a little joke, you know. Oh, that's quite all right. You're all gussied up this afternoon. Ms. Vague, is that a new dress? No, no. This thing? No, it's just something I reached in and grabbed out of the closet. Oh, you poor thing. You got the moth bag, didn't you? You're so clever, darling. You know, I do admire your little Sally's. You have so much poise and personality. Really? Yes, that's you poison personality.

[Gary Moore]

Oh, girls, girls, please. Now Ms. Vague, not in front of Mario.

[Don Ameche]

You mean the handsome opera singer? Yes.

[Gary Moore]

I was waiting for the wind to die down so I could introduce him to you. Ms. Vague, Mary Orlandza.

[Don Ameche]

I do. I mean, how do you do? Mom and I. I thought I was on the bride and groom program. I. I understand Mr. Nance has had a very interesting career.

[Gary Moore]

Oh yes. Mario was just a GI visiting Hollywood when he was invited to a party given by some stars. He made such a hit singing, it led to his debut in Hollywood Bowl.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, well, I shouldn't wonder, Mr. Lancer, the moment I heard you, I got goose pimples. I'd like to take you under my wing.

[Gary Moore]

Now I've got goose pimples.

[Don Ameche]

Tell me, Mr. Lancer, how in the world do you get those exquisite pear shaped tones?

[Gary Moore]

Well, it's very simple, Ms. Vague. I have what is known as an elliptical.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, you poor boy. Could I get you a pillow? You must have. You must have just worn yourself out studying before you arrived in Hollywood, didn't you?

[Gary Moore]

No, I really didn't study at all. I picked up everything myself.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, I see. I don't suppose you're in the mood to pick anything up today. Mr. Lancer, I don't mind telling you that I'm a patron of the arts. I discovered Lawrence Milchior. Now Turutaska, we.

[Gary Moore]

Well, you're a little late with Mario, Ms. Vague. MGM's already signed him to a seven year contract. They even got him to lose weight. Used to weigh 270 pounds. Yes, I lost 100 pounds. There's hardly anything left of me.

[Don Ameche]

Well, I'm glad you kept the best part. You know, Mr. Lanza, I'm quite a student of the opera myself, you know.

[Gary Moore]

Oh really? Well, how do you like Puccini and Verdi?

[Don Ameche]

Oh, and love it. Love it. Of course, I really prefer ravioli's Pomoni.

[Gary Moore]

But Ms. Fayg, Puccini and Verdi are composers of the opera. Yes. You know, a few weeks ago I went to see Il Trovatore.

[Don Ameche]

Oh really? What hospital is he in?

[Gary Moore]

This Vague, Il Trovatori is not a man named Trovatori who is ill. Oh.

[Don Ameche]

Well, I'm glad to hear he's feeling better. You know, opera can be so upsetting. The night I went to see Siegfried, I went home and dreamed the dragon that Jack Siegfried was squeezing the breath out of Me?

[Gary Moore]

What do you suppose that meant?

[Don Ameche]

Means I'll have to stop sleeping with my girdle on. Oh, shame on me. You know, I'm seriously considering putting on my own opera. Mr. Ricci, I went to the heads of the Metropolitan and I think they're going to let me use the Magic Flute.

[Gary Moore]

The Metropolitan is going to let you use the Magic Flute? What makes you think so?

[Don Ameche]

Well, they told me to blow.

[Gary Moore]

And did you?

[Don Ameche]

Yes, I did.

[Gary Moore]

Well, here's your chance to do it again, Ms. Vague. While Mario goes ahead with that encore Elgin has promised I'll listen. From Puccini's Tosca. Here is the thrilling aria Eluchan Lel sung by Mario Lanza. La. Sometimes a scene like this may take place in your home. Dinner is over. A wonderful dinner that Mother prepared. And she, bless her heart, is impatient to get the dishes done so that, as she puts it, so we can talk.

[Don Ameche]

Come on, son, let's get at these dishes. What happened to Mary? Where's Dad?

[Gary Moore]

Oh, Mary and Dad have disappeared upstairs for a very important conference.

[Don Ameche]

Whatever's on your mind, dad, here's the place to disappear. Discuss it. My old room. For I used to tell you all my problems. Remember when I thought the Roberts boy had broken my heart?

[Gary Moore]

Yes, I recall that sad experience very vividly. But I didn't come up here to talk over broken hearts. You know, Mary, your mother and I have been married for 30 years. This will be our 30th Christmas together. And I want to give her something very special. Special for all the things she's done for all of us and. Well, you know what I mean, Mary.

[Don Ameche]

Of course I do, dad. And I have an idea for you. You know, Mother has never had a really good watch, dad. The kind that a fellow would give his best girl.

[Gary Moore]

Well, say, she's my best girl.

[Don Ameche]

Sure. And this is the perfect present for a watch. A Lady Elgin watch. Dad, they're simply exquisite. The most beautiful watches I've ever seen. Mother will be thrilled with an Elgin. I saw some just yesterday when I was at the jewelers looking for a gift for John.

[Gary Moore]

Honey, you've hit it. The very thing. I'll go down to the jewelers and pick out an Elgin watch. Come on, now, let's skip back downstairs before she gets suspicious that we're up to something. Well, Mother, for any loved one, an Elgin will surely say what's in your heart. Elgins are something extra special outside and in. You can see that they the most beautiful watches ever to grace a wrist. But there's an Inside story equally thrilling. An Elgin, and only an Elgin, is powered by a miracle mainspring. This DuraPower MainSpring eliminates 99% of all repairs due to steel mainspring failures. It gives you a permanency of timekeeping performance never before possible in any watch. No name on the dial of a watch has brought so much Christmas joy as lg it, Two Hours of Stars will continue after a short pause for station identification. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company. The Elgin Watch Company's 7th Annual Two Hour Thanksgiving Day greeting to America, our hospitalized veterans and servicemen overseas and neighbors around the world continues with Don Ameche, Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, Verave, Red Skelton, Francis Langford, the Bickersons, the Mills Brothers, Andre Previn, Mario Lanza and the Elgin Orchestra in chorus under the direction of Robert Ambrozter. And here again is your host for these two Hours of stars, Don Amici. Once again, may I say to those of you who have just joined us, happy Thanksgiving and welcome to Two Hours of Stars. This is the seventh straight year the Elgin Watch Company and the Elgin Jewelers have invited your favorite stars to join us in our holiday open house. And each year it has been our custom to invite several young newcomers stars of tomorrow who we believe are worthy of inclusion on our guest list. Just such a newcomer is that tall, tan, good looking young fellow who's been attracting attention as a saner half of a nightclub combination known as Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis. Elgin presents Dean Martin. Everyone knows she's a rambling rose. She's a beauty growing wild Birds in their nests seem to whistle their best. Mother nature's favorite child. She's got the kind of affection that just winds around your heart. You better run for protection or she might upset your flower cart. Hate to disclose that my rambling rose Is gonna meet her waterloo. I'll let her play but she can't get away Cause I know just what to do. Anyone knows you can train a rose to be a clinging vine. So from this day hence the be be a picket fence round that rambling rose of mine. She's got the kind of affection that just winds around your heart. You better run for protection or she might upset your flower card. Hate to disclose that my ramblin rose is gonna meet her waterloo. I'll let her play but she can't get away Cause I know just what to do. Anyone knows you can't train a rose to be a clinging vine. So from this day hence there'll be a picket fence round out rambling rose of Mine. Ah, that is fine, Dean. And I can tell by Ms. Vera Vague's expression that she agrees with me. What do you think of Miss Vague?

[Don Ameche]

Oh, wonderful. Just wonderful. Oh, I have plenty to be thankful for this Thanksgiving Day.

[Gary Moore]

You really like my singing, Ms. Vague?

[Don Ameche]

You mean you sing, too? Oh, yes, of course. In fact, I was surprised how much you sounded like Bing Crosby.

[Gary Moore]

Well, Bing's always happy to give a boy a start.

[Don Ameche]

As he must be. He started four of them. You know, Mr. Martin, after looking at you closely, I'd say you were definitely a cross between Cary Grant.

[Gary Moore]

Cary Grant and who else?

[Don Ameche]

Who cares? Don't be a pig.

[Gary Moore]

You're quite a study, Miss Vague.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, yes, and I'd be glad to help you with your homework anytime. You know, Mr. Martin, I can assist you up the road to fame and fortune.

[Gary Moore]

Thanks, Ms. Vague, but Jerry Lewis is my partner. He's got to go up that road, too.

[Don Ameche]

Well, if he looks anything like you, I'd be glad to carry him piggyback.

[Gary Moore]

Well, Here he is, Ms. Vague. Jerry Lewis.

[Don Ameche]

Dean, what's going on here? I've never seen so many. Mr. Lewis. Mr. Lewis. I've heard so much about you, I feel I've already met you. Well, don't just stand there looking at me. Say something. Are you for real?

[Gary Moore]

Jerry may seem a little strange at first, Ms. Vague, but he's really very clever. He and Dean were on Bob Hope's program Tuesday night, and Hal Wallace is starring them in the picture. My friend.

[Don Ameche]

Yes, I'm really lovely, you know. Of course, they want me back at Slapsy Maxi. If you ask me, Maxie slapped you once too often. Oh, is that so? Well, I think it's only fair that you should give credit where credit is due, Ms. Vague. It so happens I taught D. Martin everything he knows.

[Gary Moore]

What did you teach him, Jerry?

[Don Ameche]

I got him a rat trap and taught him to catch rats the same way I do. I got a big yellow rat about 104ft. And that little pink eye he's gotten with the hand that hangs over the ear. The most beautiful thing.

[Gary Moore]

Jerry, you keep that up and I'll have to cut off your pablum.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, no, no, Dean, you couldn't do that. Anything but that. Anything. You here?

[Gary Moore]

Sure, I'm here.

[Don Ameche]

How do you like it here, Mr. Lewis, you'd make a perfect mate for an idiot. Thank you, but you'll have to ask my father. I can't understand why you ever got such a Mr. Martin. After all, you have carried Grant's jeu de sais Quoi? You have Bing Crosby. Joie de vivre. Well, give em back to them. Do you want the cops after us? You need someone with intelligence as a partner, Mr. Martin.

[Gary Moore]

I do?

[Don Ameche]

Yes, you do. And I. Well, I've taken part in so many discussion groups, I can discuss anything. Yeah, well, I can be just as disgusting as you can. I don't mind telling you, young man, when men look at me, they think of Rita Hayworth.

[Gary Moore]

When men look at you, they think of Rita Hayworth.

[Don Ameche]

Can you blame them? Now, look. Look, Jerky. That's Jerry.

[Gary Moore]

See?

[Don Ameche]

It's written right here. J, E R K Y Jerry. Little pipsqueak. Mr. Martin. Mr. Martin, come here. Just look at all the famous partnerships of history. There was always. There was Anthony and Cleopatra, Romeo and.

[Gary Moore]

Julius, Martin and Lewis.

[Don Ameche]

Yes, but you're a boy. I am? How do you like that? My parents never told me nothing. Well, whatever I may be, Ms. Vague, I want you to know you'll never be able to break us up. Dean and I will always stick together like glue. Well, what makes you so sure I'll use glue? Then just consider yourself stuck. I wouldn't help you in any shape or form. With that shape and form, you need more help than we do. Are you for real? I'd tell you to go soak your head if I had a pointed bucket handy.

[Gary Moore]

Now see what you did, Jerry? Ms. Left covered with confusion.

[Don Ameche]

So what? She looks better with a cover.

[Gary Moore]

You.

[Don Ameche]

You told me she was a slick chick. She's no slick chick.

[Gary Moore]

What is she?

[Don Ameche]

She's a plump frump. Look at the way she talked to me.

[Gary Moore]

Stop.

[Don Ameche]

Do you think I'm an imbecile?

[Gary Moore]

So you're beginning to wonder too, huh? Jerry, don't you realize the only way you can make an impression on people is by being debonair, sophisticated and suave?

[Don Ameche]

I don't want to be a debonair, sophisticated slob.

[Gary Moore]

J the trouble with you is you're too sure of yourself. You're conceited.

[Don Ameche]

Dean, you know that is not true. I used to be conceited, but I went to a psychiatrist and got myself cured. And now I'm one of the nicest guys I knew.

[Gary Moore]

You. You. You went to a psychiatrist? Yes.

[Don Ameche]

He said I was the mousy type. So I showed him my rides. He got down on the floor at me and saw the little blue one that had the ear that hung over the eye. He had a busted claw so I can't see the way he went the room and cash.

[Gary Moore]

Jerry, if you expect to be my Partner, you've got to change entirely.

[Don Ameche]

Bye.

[Gary Moore]

Bye. Where are you going?

[Don Ameche]

Up to the hotel. It changed entirely. I've tried to be worthy of you. I went to the May Company and tried to get a job in the long underwear department. But all the man would say was, sorry, no opening for you.

[Gary Moore]

I can't understand that, Jerry. I really think you've always been the epitome of perspicacity.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, there you go, insulting me again. Well, all I can tell you is that I'm thick of it. Do you hear? Thick, thick, thick. Or you can laugh if you. Naturally, you think it's very puny, funny. But it isn't. You see, you don't know the circumstances. It just so happens that I haven't been too well.

[Gary Moore]

What's the matter with you? You got a cold?

[Don Ameche]

Yes. You know how most show people are born in trunks?

[Gary Moore]

Yeah.

[Don Ameche]

I didn't have anything on at all. I'm not speaking for myself when I can. I object to your insults, Dean. I'm thinking of my sister. You don't know how my sister suffers.

[Gary Moore]

If I were your brother, I wouldn't feel so good either. You know, I haven't been trying to insult you, Jerry. I'm your friend. We've been pals together, standing side by side, hand in hand. You're right, Dean. When we walk hand in hand, the world becomes a wonderland.

[Don Ameche]

It's magic.

[Gary Moore]

You sigh, the song begins. You speak and I hear violins. It's magic. How else can I explain those rainbows.

[Don Ameche]

When there is no rain? It's magic.

[Gary Moore]

No, I. I'm serious, Jerry. You remember the time you got locked in our closet and you couldn't get out?

[Don Ameche]

Yeah.

[Gary Moore]

Who fed the goldfish for three weeks?

[Don Ameche]

You did, my friend.

[Gary Moore]

And when you disappeared and nobody heard from you, nobody knew where you. And nobody had the slightest idea where to locate you. Who finally found you?

[Don Ameche]

My draft board. If you really like me, Dean, you'll try and help me. You'll soothe me and you'll hold my head.

[Gary Moore]

Why, Jerry, of course I'll hold your head.

[Don Ameche]

Thank you. I'll pick it up in the morning.

[Gary Moore]

Jerry, you've got to get a grip on yourself. We're making a picture together. We're making records. Remember the record we made for Capitol?

[Don Ameche]

No, but I remember the record I made catching rats 191. At one time, this big black one crawled across my. And I got him, see? And I grab a swung step and.

[Gary Moore]

I said, come to me, my little motherfucking dog. Well, you all right now?

[Don Ameche]

Yeah. But my Eyeballs busted.

[Gary Moore]

Now keep cool and I'll. I'll help you remember the record. Remember? It starts. Has she got naughty eyes? Yes, she has got naughty eyes. That's certain. That certain party. You know the one I mean? Sure you know the one I mean. That certain party of mine. Naughty eyes, turn up nose, rosy cheeks and pretty clothes. Not a smartie. Has she got loving wish. Sure she has got loving ways. That certain party of mine.

[Don Ameche]

Hey, Dean, you remember the old time vaudeville around 1924?

[Gary Moore]

I sure do.

[Don Ameche]

With those corny jokes like can you stand on your head?

[Gary Moore]

Nah, it's too high.

[Don Ameche]

Nothing. We'd better sing. As she got.

[Gary Moore]

You know what. Yes, she has got. You know what, that's certain, that certain party.

[Don Ameche]

Has she got everything? Yes, she has got everything.

[Gary Moore]

That certain party of mine. That's better. Yes, That's certain, that certain party.

[Don Ameche]

Can she make Hatton better? Yes, she can make Hudson fester.

[Gary Moore]

That certain party of mine. You know what I forgot? This and that and quite a lot. What a smartie.

[Don Ameche]

Has she got everything?

[Gary Moore]

Yes, she has got everything. That certain party, that certain party. That certain party of mine. Thank you, Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis. You know, Ken, we've been on the air nearly two hours now without giving away a thing. This is libel. Undermine radio. Well, we don't want to be too revolutionary, Don. That's why right now, as a goodwill gesture, we're going to give a brand new Elgin Watch to the person in our audience holding the lucky number and the lucky number 3660. Will the person holding the number 3000, 672 please come forward. Number 3000, 672. I'm 3672. Are you number 3600? 672 from our audience? I ain't from San Quentin. See, I came here with my half brothers. Your half brother? Yeah, the stork got hungry. I'm happy to announce the boy that wrote that is no longer with us.

[Don Ameche]

Ken.

[Gary Moore]

Ken, that's Red Skelton's character who's always causing trouble. Willy Lump Lump. Ah, that's enough with a view of the teeth there. Get a load of that head. Every time he smiles, it looks like a crowded graveyard. I'm up here to answer some questions. Now go ahead, ask me something so I can mess you up. But we're not gonna ask any questions. We're gonna give you an Elgin watch. Why do you want to mess me up? Cause I don't like radio. I don't like radio. I get sick of Hearing those people asking silly questions or something. Flying around here getting meat in them.

[Don Ameche]

I don't like those.

[Gary Moore]

People ask silly questions on the radio and then they. They give silly answers. That's why I don't like radio. I want to get on and messed them up. And did you? Yeah, I did. Boy, I went on, people are funny, and I wasn't funny. I went on, ladies be Seated. And just to be nasty, I stood up. I went on Bride and Groom and got a divorce. Billy, that's stupid. Just a minute. I don't let anybody call me stupid unless they know me real well. Now, come on, give me. Give me a question so I can mess with you. But, Billy, I'm trying to tell you, this is not a quiz program. We only want to present you with an Elgin Watch. Oh, no, you don't. You expect me to stand here while you tell me that Elgin Watches are the smartest to wear and the smartest to buy. But I don't. You want to tell me about the Elgin Durapower mainspring that never rusts. And it rust is the greatest cause of mainspring breaking. But I only want to give. Wait till I finish, will you? You gonna tell me that Elgin's dual power MainSpring eliminates 99% of all repairs due to steel mainspring failure? No, that's not what I want to do. Well, look, don't tell me you're just standing up here for nothing to sense. You ain't selling Tide.

[Don Ameche]

I know that.

[Gary Moore]

No, Willie, I'm just trying to present you with a masterpiece of America's watchmaking genius, A Lord Elgin. It's all yours, Willie. Take it and wear it wherever you go. Well, thanks a lot. This just show those people how wrong it can be. What people? Those people who've been going around saying that my main spring's busted, but I don't like radio. We'll be hearing more from Red Skelton when the mean, witty kid joins Two Hours of Stars a little while later. Meanwhile, Red, thanks for helping Ken sell those wonderful Elgin watches. When it comes to selling a song, our thoughts naturally turn to Francis Langford.

[Don Ameche]

Oldest and sister. I love my Mr. Man and I can tell you why.

[Gary Moore]

There ain't no.

[Don Ameche]

Reason why I should love that man. It must be something that the angels don't plan. He's got a swim bird Birds gotta fly I gotta love one man till.

[Gary Moore]

I die can't help loving that man of mine.

[Don Ameche]

Tell me he's lazy Tell me he's slow Tell me I'm crazy maybe, maybe.

[Gary Moore]

I know can't help loving that man of mine. When he goes away. That's a rainy day.

[Don Ameche]

But when he comes back that day spy the sun shines. He can come home as late and skip be home without him Ain't no.

[Gary Moore]

Home to me can't help loving that man. Ah, that is wonderful, Francis. You know, it's like old times having you on Elgin's two hours of stars again. Last time was three years ago, wasn't it?

[Don Ameche]

That's right, Don. Seems almost like that long since we last saw each other.

[Gary Moore]

Ah. Ah, six months I remember distinctly. We're just completing a year over year together as Mr. And Mrs. Bickerson. Probably the most strenuous relationship that ever existed between any married couple.

[Don Ameche]

Yes, Don, but I think anything that holds a mirror up to people serves a purpose. When you hear a couple like the Bickerson squabbling about trivialities, it makes you realize how laughable your own little disagreements can be.

[Gary Moore]

Well, then, Francis. And as much as this is something of a reunion for the two of us, suppose we take up where we left off and look in on the Bickersons on Thanksgiving. And so, without any further ado, here are Don Ameche and Francis Langford as John and Blanche Bickerson in the Honeymoon Is over, written and directed by Phil Rapp. The Bickersons have retired. Mrs. Bickerson lies tense and anxious in the darkness as poor husband John, victim of undulant insomnia, or blaster's reflex, reaches the crisis during an acute attack of his rare ailment list.

[Don Ameche]

Any minute he'll lay an egg. John. John, turn over on your side. Go on. John, cut it out.

[Gary Moore]

Cut it. Cut it out. Blanche, what's the matter? What's the matter?

[Don Ameche]

Blanche, you can stop that snoring if you want to. I know you can. No other man snores like you.

[Gary Moore]

How do you know?

[Don Ameche]

I talk to my women friends. Their husbands are so quiet, they have to keep waking them to see if they're dead. What I wouldn't give to be able to sleep through the night just once, not to hear that snarling and rasping and whining and roaring. Honest John. Who else carries on?

[Gary Moore]

Honest John.

[Don Ameche]

If you're trying to be funny, John Vickerson, you're not amusing me.

[Gary Moore]

I'm not trying to be funny, Blanche. I just want to sleep.

[Don Ameche]

I deliberately went to bed three hours before you did and you started puttering around in the kitchen. Anything to keep me awake.

[Gary Moore]

I wasn't puttering. You asked me to fix the electric orange juicer, didn't you? Well, I fixed it.

[Don Ameche]

How could you fix it? It needed a new motor.

[Gary Moore]

I hooked it up to the vacuum cleaner.

[Don Ameche]

Does it squeeze oranges?

[Gary Moore]

Squeeze is fine. Except it sucks up the juice and spits the pits in your face. I'll empty the bag in the morning.

[Don Ameche]

I can just imagine the mess you left in that kitchen.

[Gary Moore]

No mess.

[Don Ameche]

Did you lock the porch door? Are the windows closed?

[Gary Moore]

No.

[Don Ameche]

Well, get up and close them.

[Gary Moore]

What for?

[Don Ameche]

It's cold outside.

[Gary Moore]

If I close the windows, will it be warmer outside?

[Don Ameche]

You want the canary to freeze to death?

[Gary Moore]

He won't freeze.

[Don Ameche]

Lots you'd carry if he did that. You didn't even feed the poor little bird.

[Gary Moore]

I fed him, I bathed him, I combed his hair and gave him clean sheets. Okay.

[Don Ameche]

Did you feed the cat?

[Gary Moore]

Fed the cat.

[Don Ameche]

What'd you feed the cat?

[Gary Moore]

The canary.

[Don Ameche]

John, fix.

[Gary Moore]

Start screaming. Blanche, must you go through this questioning routine every night? Let me sleep, will you?

[Don Ameche]

No. I don't see why I should. You never let me sleep.

[Gary Moore]

Oh, dear heaven.

[Don Ameche]

I constantly walk around in a daze, my eyes half closed. I swear, sometimes I feel as though I'll shrivel into nothingness any minute. I'll dry up.

[Gary Moore]

You say it, but you won't do it.

[Don Ameche]

Don't yell at me. You're giving me that dreadful pain again.

[Gary Moore]

What pain?

[Don Ameche]

Oh, nothing.

[Gary Moore]

Are you sick again? What pain? What are you talking about?

[Don Ameche]

It's my head. I've had it off and on for the last three weeks.

[Gary Moore]

Well, take it off now and go to sleep.

[Don Ameche]

You wouldn't be so unconcerned if Gloria Goosby got sick.

[Gary Moore]

No, don't start with Gloria Goosby.

[Don Ameche]

She knows how to train a husband. Every time Gloria has a headache, Leo hugs her and kisses her and fawns over her. Why don't you do that?

[Gary Moore]

Leo might get sore.

[Don Ameche]

I mean, why don't you fuss over me?

[Gary Moore]

Oh, listen, Blanche, you're not sick and you know it.

[Don Ameche]

Well, I'm depressed. You're going out of town tomorrow and I'll be so lonesome I'll die.

[Gary Moore]

I'm only gone overnight. I'll be back on Saturday.

[Don Ameche]

If you cared for me, you wouldn't leave me.

[Gary Moore]

I'm not leaving you. I have to fly to San Francisco on business. I won't be gone over 24 hours.

[Don Ameche]

Suppose a burglar breaks in the house and finds me?

[Gary Moore]

It'll serve him right. Let me sleep, please, Blanche. I have to make an early plane.

[Don Ameche]

I won't sleep a wink. All the time you're away. Are you going on a safe airplane?

[Gary Moore]

There's no danger. Just go to sleep and don't worry.

[Don Ameche]

I've got a headache. Get me an aspirin, please, John.

[Gary Moore]

All right, I'll get you an aspirin. You can really cause more.

[Don Ameche]

Ow. What happened?

[Gary Moore]

Who tied my leg to the bedpost?

[Don Ameche]

I did. I was afraid you'd start walking in your sleep again.

[Gary Moore]

Well, is that any reason you should tie me to a bedpost? I never heard of such a thing. Put on the lights, John.

[Don Ameche]

I thought you said that plane was safe.

[Gary Moore]

It is safe.

[Don Ameche]

And why are you wearing that parachute?

[Gary Moore]

These are the shorts you gave me for my birthday. Lie still and I'll get you an aspirin.

[Don Ameche]

I don't want it now I've lost my headache.

[Gary Moore]

It isn't lost, Blanche. Now I've got it. I should just go to sleep.

[Don Ameche]

What's the use? So nervous I won't be able to sleep.

[Gary Moore]

Well, it's your own fault for letting every little thing excite you. You should take it easier, Blanche. When a woman reaches your age, she should slow down.

[Don Ameche]

My age? I'm only 26.

[Gary Moore]

I said slow down, not back up.

[Don Ameche]

Keep it up, John. Keep insulting me and running away to San Francisco every day.

[Gary Moore]

Every day.

[Don Ameche]

Fine Thanksgiving this has been. Spent the whole day in the kitchen slaving over a holiday dinner, and you don't even appreciate it.

[Gary Moore]

I appreciate it.

[Don Ameche]

You do not. You never even touched the turkey I roasted.

[Gary Moore]

Well, I didn't like the way it looked. What did you stuff it with?

[Don Ameche]

Didn't stuff it with anything. It wasn't hollow.

[Gary Moore]

Holy smoke. How can any woman be.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, hush up and go to sleep.

[Gary Moore]

Go to sleep, she says. Torments me for two hours. Clothes, the windows, beat the cat, stop the canary. Now she tell me, go to sleep. Never sleep. Another wink, She says. Torments me for two hours. Close the windows, beat the cat, stop the canary. Now she tells me, go to sleep. Never sleep another wink Is long.

[Don Ameche]

John, the telephone. Answer it.

[Gary Moore]

Hello? Go to the phone and answer every night the phone. I wish that darn thing had never been invented.

[Don Ameche]

Look who's talking. Oh, now what's happened?

[Gary Moore]

I'm still tied to the bedpost. Answer that phone while I get loose.

[Don Ameche]

All right.

[Gary Moore]

Hello, Mr. Bickerson, please. This is the airline.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, just a minute here, John, it's the airline.

[Gary Moore]

Airline. Hello, Mr. Bickerson? Did you have a reservation on Flight 501 to San Francisco at 4:35am no, I'm leaving on the 7:10. Yes, well, the 7:10 is still in Kansas City and won't take off until 12:15. However, the 12:15, which usually leaves at 8:30, is late and that flight's been switched to 3:30am well, is that the only plane? Yes. I'll be right down. You're too late, Mr. Bickerson. The 3:30 left at 2:00'. Clock. Good night. I never heard of such a thing.

[Don Ameche]

You angry, John?

[Gary Moore]

No, I'm not angry. I'm just sleepy. Good night.

[Don Ameche]

I'm glad the trip is canceled. John, are you sure you love me?

[Gary Moore]

Yes, I'm sure.

[Don Ameche]

How much do you love me?

[Gary Moore]

How much do you need?

[Don Ameche]

I don't need anything.

[Gary Moore]

Then what have you done?

[Don Ameche]

Sit up, John. I bought a mink coat.

[Gary Moore]

A mink coat? How much was it?

[Don Ameche]

Lie down, John.

[Gary Moore]

Blanche, how dare you go out and spend money on a mink coat. We can't afford a mink coat.

[Don Ameche]

Don't scream at me, Blanche.

[Gary Moore]

How can you squander my money like that? I deny myself everything. I've been sewing collars on your old bloomers and wearing them for shirts. I've been setting fire to my to save on barber bills. I can't even afford to buy a pair of pants. I wear a long jacket and walk on my knees. I never spend a penny on myself.

[Don Ameche]

You bought a cowhide belt last week.

[Gary Moore]

What belt? That was my lunch. That's a strip of beef jerky and I've been gnawing on it all week. Where is that coat? Let me see it.

[Don Ameche]

Oh, you'll love it, John. It's not nearly as expensive as you think either. Only $1,200.

[Gary Moore]

$1,200?

[Don Ameche]

Isn't it gorgeous?

[Gary Moore]

Well, take it out of that burlap bag.

[Don Ameche]

Isn't in any bag. That's the coat.

[Gary Moore]

What kind of a mink coat is that? It hasn't got any fur on it.

[Don Ameche]

That's the latest style, silly bald mink.

[Gary Moore]

Bald mink. You take that coat back. Do you hear me? I'm not putting out $1,200 for any bald headed minks.

[Don Ameche]

John, how can you be so cruel? Take it. Please, John.

[Gary Moore]

No.

[Don Ameche]

Please, John.

[Gary Moore]

It's Thanksgiving, Blanche. I tell you I can't afford it.

[Don Ameche]

I'll go to work and pay for it.

[Gary Moore]

You out of your mind? I wouldn't let you go to work. Keep the coat.

[Don Ameche]

Blanche, you're the most wonderful and generous husband in the world.

[Gary Moore]

I know it.

[Don Ameche]

I'd like to do something nice for you too, John.

[Gary Moore]

Don't bother.

[Don Ameche]

Remember how you used to kiss me good night and Let me tuck you into bed like a baby every night.

[Gary Moore]

Go to sleep, Blanche.

[Don Ameche]

John, would you mind if I just tucked you in bed tonight?

[Gary Moore]

Okay, tuck me in bed.

[Don Ameche]

All right, dear. I'll lift your head so I can straighten the pillow. Stretch your feet out. Now let me get these covers under there. All tucked in.

[Gary Moore]

Thanks.

[Don Ameche]

Are you comfortable?

[Gary Moore]

Perfect. Perfectly.

[Don Ameche]

Are you sure?

[Gary Moore]

Never felt more comfortable in my life.

[Don Ameche]

Fine. Now you get up and tuck me in.

[Gary Moore]

Good night, Blanche.

[Don Ameche]

Good night, John.

[Gary Moore]

Ah, that was swell, Francis. Many thanks for joining us. All right, smart guy, never mind a fancy chatter. Now up against the wall. I'm putting you out of the way for a while. All right, all right, all right. I won't argue with Humphrey Bogart. Or should I say Bob Hopkins? Never mind saying anything. There's any talking to be done around here. Sidney Greenstreet is here to talk to the whole Lottie. All right, Sidney, tell em what's on your mind. Spill it. Yes, yes, of course, my boy. I'm very happy indeed, very happy indeed to say that I've never had the privilege of me involved. What did he say? He said the Elgin Watch Company will continue two hours of Stars right after a short pause for station identification. Well, then this isn't a sticker. Oh, no, no, of course not, my boy. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company. Two hours of Stars. The Elgin Watch Company's seventh annual two hour Thanksgiving Day greeting to the nation continues with Don Ameche, the Mills Brothers, Red Skelton, Andre Previn, Vera Vague, Mario Lanza and the Elgin Orchestra and Chorus under the direction of Robert Armbruster. And now back to your host for the two hours, Don Amici. Well, right around the time the Elgin Watch Company started its two hours of Stars, the Mills Brothers recorded a tune that was destined to have GIs all the way from New guinea to Nome, Alaska, jumping to the thump of the nearest shortwave radio. It was called Paper Doll. I know it was a favor request. Wherever you go. How about doing it for us, huh, boys? We'll be glad to, Don. We still have the same arrangement, but just for today. We brought the words a little more up to date. I guess I had a million dolls or more I guess I played the dollar game over and over Tell me more, tell me more I just quarreled with Su and that's why I'm blue She's gone away and left me Just like all dolls do I'll tell you boys it's tough to be alone.

[Don Ameche]

And.

[Gary Moore]

It'S tough to love a doll that's not your own. I'm through with all of them. I'll never fold again. Cause this is what I'll do. I'm gonna buy an Elgin watch that I can call my own. An Elgin is a pal that you can trust. It's got smart style and everything and a durable power mainspring that positively never never will rust. Its shape and face I'll always love to look at. No one can beat my time in all this world. I'd rather have an Elgin watch to call my an alphabetical minded real argument. Well, Mills, brother, you're certainly right about one thing. Anyone would surely like to have an Elgin watch to call their own. In fact, more people want Elgins than any other watch. And the reasons are pretty clear. Thrilling beauty acclaimed by America's best dressed men and women. And that amazing Durapower mainspring found in no other watch as well the world. It eliminates 99% of all repairs due to steel mainspring failures. Keep these facts in mind when you're Christmas shopping for that extra special someone's gift, stop in at your jewelers. Something from your jewelers you know is always something special. And see the brilliantly styled new Elgins. Elgins with the Durapower mainspring. As the sun sinks lower in the sky and the wind spins the leaves dizzily about in the streets in the yard outside, most of you at this moment are probably relaxing in the warm, quiet comfort of your easy chair. For this in homes throughout the country is a day of peace and quiet. Except in the home of the mean, witty kid. Elgin is proud to present one of the nation's favorite comedians, Red Skelton. This afternoon, Red brings us another page from the mean witty kid's diary. With the help of his grandmother, Verna Felton, and his mother, Lorene Tubble, we're about to put more light on a dim subject. Here is someone to make you grateful that he isn't yours, Junior. The mean witty kid.

[Don Ameche]

Mummy. Nemma. Mummy. Nemma. Where is everybody? Boy, this place is as deserted as Wallace's campaign headquarters. Well, I just finished when I started while ago. Now let's see, what else could I put in the basket for the old Indian? I got a turkey leg, you know. We having turkey, you see. Steak was so high.

[Gary Moore]

To hear why a butcher won't talk.

[Don Ameche]

To you unless you show him your credit reference and pilot's license, you know. Junior, is that you in the kitchen? Oh, here comes Namor, the vampire of the Mayflower. I better hide this loot. I'll Hide it behind the curtain here. Now I hide the curtains, see if I can get it off me head. I can't see where I'm going. The curtains on me. I do, Junior. Well, don't yell.

[Gary Moore]

You scared me too.

[Don Ameche]

Take that curtain off of your head. Oh, how did you hurt your head? I got a bump on my head. I was trying to see if I could walk around with me eyes closed and I bump into myself. Oh, now how could you bump into yourself? You remember the full length mirror that used to be in the hole? Now you didn't break that mirror. You're kidding me. You keep laughing, kiddo. That's awesome. But when you stand in front of that mirror and both legs look like they're broken, don't get excited, you know. Well, you'd better go and get cleaned up before the company gets here for Thanksgiving dinner. Okay, I'll go get cleaned up. Hey, will you take me handcuffs off so I can wash me elbows too? Oh, where on earth do you get such ideas? In my spare time I make notes, you know. Oh, Junior, looking your mother's room and see if she's finished taking her nap yet. Okay, I go in a look in mummy's room. I hope Namo don't find that basket of food. If she does, me Thanksgiving Day will be one. Oh, well, worry won't help nothing. I'll peek in and see if my mummy's away. Will you, Mummy?

[Gary Moore]

Whoo.

[Don Ameche]

Who's that in me mommy's bed?

[Gary Moore]

She look like a clown.

[Don Ameche]

She's got grease all over her face and she's wearing a mask. Maybe it's the Lone Ranger's wife. Here, wake up. You wake up. Wake up. Get out of here. Get out of here. Wake up. Wake up. Get up. Get up. What do you want? You got to go home. Halloween is over. Come on now, don't get smart, Junior. Well, I didn't know it was you. What's that you got on your face? Beauty cream. Beauty cream? I got news for you, kiddo. Don't look now, but I think it's curdled your face. Oh dear. At times I'm sorry we kept your incubator warm. Yes. Boy, you sure love me, don't you? You don't like me at all. Oh, yes I do. Yes, I do.

[Gary Moore]

You don't love me.

[Don Ameche]

I'm thankful you're my little boy. Oh, you is. Is you. Well then why is it every time you look at me, you get up.

[Gary Moore]

Walk across the room and punch me.

[Don Ameche]

Pop right in the nose. Junior. Lorene. Come down here. Oh.

[Gary Moore]

Oh.

[Don Ameche]

She discovered some of her Thanksgiving dinner's missing out. But what's wrong? Mother, you come down here and bring that dinner. Junior, with you. It must be important we slide down the banister. Get off that banister. I waxed it yet. Hey, let me in. Are you all right, junior? No. Hey, mommy, I think I hurt myself. That's a good boy.

[Gary Moore]

Yes.

[Don Ameche]

Lorene, what's the matter? I want you to look at that turkey.

[Gary Moore]

What's wrong?

[Don Ameche]

One leg is missing. Oh, that poor bird. Maybe he lost you playing hopscotch. Oh, well, he came here to be eaten, not to dance for us. Now, don't change the subject. And look, a portion of everything I cooked is gone. And I think I know who took it. And I think I know who took it too. And I think I know who took it too. But I'm thankful that none of us are squealers. Well, buddy, suppose I told who took it? Well, you go ahead and embarrass me, and I'll embarrass you. When the company arrives, I'll tell the preacher all about you. Well, I have nothing to hide. Oh, then it's okay for me to tell him that you used to be a fan dancer. Oh, now, that's ridiculous. Oh, it is, is it? Hey, Fiddlers, we're ready for your dance. Well, turn on the purple lights and hand me my quill. Peace, Junior.

[Gary Moore]

Now, Mother.

[Don Ameche]

Now, Mother, don't get excited. I'll handle Junior. Yeah, you handle Junior. You come here to me. Yes, Mommy. Doc, did you take that food? Yes, I. I took it. You didn't eat that pumpkin pie, did you? I know how you love sweets. Well, what's wrong with him? Now you won't be able to eat your spinach, your cauliflower or your castor oil. Please, you're breaking me hard. Please, Junior, it seems for a spanking, you'll bend over backwards.

[Gary Moore]

Oh, no.

[Don Ameche]

You're not gonna try none of them.

[Gary Moore]

Trick shots on me.

[Don Ameche]

Junior, if you wanted food, why didn't you ask for it? Well, because I figured my chances of getting it would be better this way. Now, you tell me, how much of the Thanksgiving dinner did you eat? None. I ate nothing. I didn't eat nothing. Do you mean to stand there and tell me that you haven't had anything to eat since breakfast? I only ate that little bowl of hash that was in the ice box. What bowl of hash? Bowl of hash in the ice box that was in your.

[Gary Moore]

Oh, dear.

[Don Ameche]

Junior, that wasn't hash. Why, that was dog food. Dog food? Well, don't get excited about it. I've had me this temple shot. Junior. Couldn't you tell the difference when you tasted it? Didn't it taste different from what I. Look, you want to hit me? Go ahead and hit me. Don't lead me in. I. I'm not saying whether the hash tastes different from yours or not, but I know this. From now on, I'm eating with the dog. The ring. I like it better than if you don't freak that boy of eating everything. Someday he's going to get something that's poison. Oh, no, I won't. I test everything before. Before I try to eat it. How well I eat it. And if I don't die, then I know it wasn't poisoned. Very scientific. You know, you gotta use your head, Loreen. Now he's just trying to make you forget that he's ruined my Thanksgiving dinner. Now, you come here. Junior. No. I'm sorry, but I must teach you not to take things. No.

[Gary Moore]

Oh, no, no, no, no. You hit me. You hit me. You hit me. You hit me. You hit me.

[Don Ameche]

But he didn't hurt. Now, Hutch, what did you do with the food you took? It's behind the shelf in the living room. Yes. Yeah, yeah, here it is.

[Gary Moore]

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

[Don Ameche]

Tell me, Junior, what were you going to do? Almost didn't find it, did you? What did you say? What were you going to do with all this food? Well, I was going to take it and give it to that old Indian man that sells beads and blankets on the highway during the summertime. Did he put you up to this? No. Did he tell you to steal? No, he didn't know nothing about it. It was us widow kids idea. Now, don't tell me that. Now, don't yell at the boy.

[Gary Moore]

No.

[Don Ameche]

Don't yell at the boys. No. What about this Indian, Junior? Well, Namo, he's old and he's sick, and us kids thought that he deserved a nice Thanksgiving dinner too. Well, if he's an Indian, doesn't he know how to go out in the woods and get food? Oh, you dreamer, you. Why, if an Indian went out and shot a duck, o game warden would get him. They can't borrow money from because he ain't got any security. Did you know he didn't even get to go to school? Well, in that case, Thanksgiving isn't important to him. Oh, yes, it is too, because he's an American. And besides, it was his folks that made it responsible for us to be able to celebrate this day. Of thanks in such an uppity, uppity way. You seem to know a lot about the Indians. I most certainly does. Grandpa told me the whole story. And if you ask me, it's pretty disgraceful.

[Announcer/Commercial Voice]

Pretty disgraceful.

[Don Ameche]

How disgraceful it is. So this is your grandfather's house. We had nothing to do with you. Nothing to do? What else do you know about the Indians? Well, I know that they taught us how to farm, how to hunt and prepare wild game and birds and how to survive in the cold of the winter. And did you know Mummy and Namor? In spite of all the things that we've done to the Indian, he not mad at his neighbors because he loves America. And though he don't have much left to give, we Americans are still taken from him. Did you know that he gave three sons in the last war and in return, why, we don't even give him proper medical attention? But that Indian don't hold a grudge. Instead he's worried. He's worried about a foreign power that's using the treatment that we give the Indians as propaganda to belittle democracy. He once told me something that made us kids really thankful that we are here. Now you see. Wait. Now wait, Lorene. What did the Indians say, dear? For one thing, he said, we kids should be thankful that we as the children of today, because we can apologize with good deeds for the mistakes that the children of yesterday made. And if we'll remember to keep our.

[Gary Moore]

Hearts closed to fear, greed and hate and lust for power, we'll only have.

[Don Ameche]

Love and understanding for the children of tomorrow. Oh, Junior. That's very beautiful, Junior. He's a very wise man. I'm sorry I spanked you so hard. Well, you spanked me nice and didn't do nothing either. And you hit me. Well, I'm sorry, Junior, but we let that count for the next time I catch you doing something bad.

[Gary Moore]

You won't catch me.

[Don Ameche]

Well, in that case, this thanking is for not telling me. Is there a lawyer in the house? Come on, Junior, we'll get the car and drive you out to the old Indian's house.

[Gary Moore]

Oh, thank you. Nah, that is grand, Red. The genius of 19 year old Andre Previn is not confined to breathtaking piano variations on the jazz classics. His thorough musical background is no more evident than in this brilliant interpretation of Rachmaninoff's 2nd Piano Concerto accompanied by Robert Arm Brewster and the Elgin Orchestra. Here is Andre Previn. Sa. Sam. 327 years ago, America celebrated its first Thanksgiving in a clearing in a Massachusetts forest. The Pilgrims, undaunted by hardships that killed half their number, gave thanks for the meager fruits of their first harvest. Today, a cluster of cabins in the wilderness has become a nation covering 3 million square miles and sustaining 100, 140 million people. The wind ripples across vast acres of wheat and oats and tasseling corn that have blossomed under the magic touch of great machines. Our land has become a land of plenty. The blessings for which we give thanks this Thanksgiving have been multiplied a million fold. But man cannot take without giving the mere. That we as individuals are able to accept these God given gifts incurs a responsibility. It is not enough to give thanks that we have our homes as long as there are Americans who live in shacks and slums, the breeding ground of crime and delinquency. It is not enough to give thanks for our schools, the hospitals we share with our children. If others are raised in ignorance, neglect. It is not enough to give thanks that our dreams can be of tomorrow, while others dream of bread. As we gather together this Thanksgiving in our homes throughout the country, let us not forget that the spirit of those who pioneered our nation was a community spirit and that the privileged have a responsibility to the underprivileged. Let us dedicate ourselves to the improvement of conditions within our communities so that others less fortunate may join us in giving thanks on other Thanksgivings and by our renewed devotion to American ideals and traditions, make our way of life a symbol to which all humanity may aspire. Come ye thankful people Come raise the song of harvest Home all is safely gathered in ere the winter storms begin God our Maker the prominent for our wants to be supplied Come to God's own temple Come praise the song of harvest. Come to thy final harvest Come gather thou thy people in Free from sorrow Free from sin There forever purified in thy presence Presence Come I come with all mine angels Come raise the glorious har. Another wonderful Thanksgiving Day afternoon is about to come to a close. But Thanksgiving is only the beginning of the holiday season. And so, on behalf of the Elgin Watch Company and all the Elgin Jewelers, may I invite you to join us again on December 25th when Elgin presents Two Hours of Stars on Christmas Day with Bob Hope, Edgar Bergen, Charlie McCarthy and Mortimer Snurd Lauret Smelkior Ashley, Hal Jolson, Cass Daly, Ozzie and Harriet, Danny Thomas, Joe Stafford and many others. This is Donavici saying good night and happy holidays. Well, let it be possible for the Elgin Watch Company of Elgin, Illinois, to bring you the seventh annual Two Hour Thanksgiving Day greeting. The Elgin Watch Company would like to add that Jimmy Durante can be heard on the Camel show on this same station every Friday night. Red Skelton joined us through the courtesy of Procter and Gamble's Tide and Kamay and Matro Goldwyn Mayer, producers of the Three Musketeers with Lana Turner, Gene Kelly and June Allison. Gary Moore can be heard on Ever Sharp's Take it or Leave it every Sunday night on this same station. And Don Ameche can be heard regularly on the Charlie McCarthy program. Two hours of stars was produced by Earl Eby and John Crist and written under the supervision of Ed Helwig. This is Ken Carpenter saying good night. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.