Ethel and Albert 47-07-14 Teddy bites Mrs Spritterbock

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Ethel and Albert – "Teddy Bites Mrs. Spitterbock"

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Ethel and Albert 47-07-14 – Teddy bites Mrs. Spritterbock
Date: September 4, 2025
Runtime Summarized: [03:09–13:24]

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Episode Overview

This episode of the beloved radio sitcom "Ethel and Albert" centers on a neighborhood misunderstanding: Mrs. Spitterbock, a notoriously fussy neighbor, accuses the Arbuckles’ timid dog, Teddy, of biting her. The resulting confusion and concern prompt a blend of domestic comedy and classic neighborly drama, as Ethel and Albert attempt to uncover the truth and maintain household peace.

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Key Discussion Points & Narrative Breakdown

1. The Emergency at Home

• Setting: Dinner time at the Arbuckle household. Ethel is anxious and has barricaded the family (and Teddy) in an upstairs bedroom.

• Chaos Ensues:

  • Ethel recounts a call from Mrs. Spitterbock, who claims that Teddy bit her and that she might have called the police.

    Ethel (to Albert): "I just got Teddy in the house and locked the door. I thought if the police rang the doorbell or anything that I just wouldn't answer. I don't think they can break in a place, do you?" [04:12]

• Albert’s Initial Skepticism:

  • Albert is incredulous, citing Teddy’s meekness.

    Albert: "There isn't anybody in this neighborhood who doesn't know that Teddy is scared of his own shadow. You know what a coward Teddy is." [05:55]

2. Mrs. Spitterbock’s Accusation

• Ethel’s Account:
  • Mrs. Spitterbock claims: Teddy growled, attacked, broke the skin on her ankle, and is a "dangerous, vicious animal."

    Ethel (on Mrs. Spitterbock): "She said Teddy was a dangerous, vicious animal to have around a neighborhood. And that she considered it her duty to report him to the police before he killed someone." [05:40]

• Family's Emotional Reaction:
  • Ethel is distressed, worries about the consequences for Teddy, and considers calling the dog hospital.

    Ethel: "I just couldn't have to get rid of Teddy. I know he is an awfully bright. But he's a sweet dog and he's just..." [06:44]

3. Decision-Making and Addressing the Problem

• Calming the Situation:
  • Albert insists on facing the issue directly and acting responsibly.

    Albert: "You have a dog that's bitten somebody. You gotta look into it." [07:32]

• Suggesting Practical Solutions:
  • Ethel suggests a vet visit for Teddy.

    Ethel: "I did think that perhaps just to be on the safe side, we could call the dog hospital out here and take Teddy out. It's been a long time since he had a checkup." [07:49]

4. Direct Contact with Mrs. Spitterbock

• The Phone Call:

  • Albert calls Mrs. Spitterbock, who admits she hasn’t called the police but insists Teddy attacked her for no reason.

    Albert (to Mrs. Spitterbock): "Now, under the circumstances, I feel that you're perfectly right, Mrs. Fritovo. Call the police. By all means. You do whatever you want. We're going to have Teddy examined. And now you understand that we'll fight this thing." [09:32]

• Strategic Bluff:

  • Albert bluffs about being prepared for court, prompting Mrs. Spitterbock to hang up.

    Albert: "And we are prepared to fight. I want you to know that Teddy means a lot to us. And. And of course, if you lose, you know that you'll pay for the court costs..." [09:56]

5. The Truth Comes Out

• Neighborly Investigation:

  • Albert learns from Mrs. Fraley, another neighbor, that Teddy never bit Mrs. Spitterbock. Instead, Mrs. Spitterbock lost her balance and scraped her ankle after kicking at Teddy, who hadn’t set foot on her property.

    Albert: "Mrs. Fraley was in her garden and she saw the whole thing. She says Teddy wasn't even on Mrs. Spitterbock's property. But she was afraid he was going to run in her flower bed. So she yelled at him and he barked and then she sort of kicked him...and lost her balance and fell and apparently scraped her ankle and that is how it all happened." [11:38]

• Ethel’s Outrage Turns to Empathy:

  • Ethel is initially aghast, suggesting Mrs. Spitterbock should be fined for animal cruelty, then reflects on Mrs. Spitterbock’s loneliness.

    Ethel: "She's an old fuss budget, though. She complains about everybody in the neighborhood... Maybe she's been lonesome. I guess nobody's paid much attention to her." [12:20, 12:37]

6. Resolving the Conflict

• A Neighborly Solution:
  • The Arbuckles decide to invite Mrs. Spitterbock to join them for dinner, hoping to repair relations and ease her loneliness.

    Albert: "By the time Mrs. Spark has been over here for a nice dinner. She'll be sitting around afterwards holding Teddy on her lap." [12:59]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Albert’s Classic Sarcasm:

  "If the truth of the matter were known, it was probably Mrs. Spitterbock who bit Teddy." [06:27]

• Ethel’s Realization:

  "No, I guess we haven't, dear. Maybe she's been lonesome. I guess nobody's paid much attention to her." [12:37]

• Resolution with Humor:

  Albert: "Say, listen. By the time Mrs. Spark has been over here for a nice dinner. She'll be sitting around afterwards holding Teddy on her lap."
  Ethel: "I'll bet she will at that, honey." [13:00–13:08]

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Key Timestamps

• 03:09 – Episode proper begins, Ethel and Albert's household in turmoil
• 05:30 – Mrs. Spitterbock’s accusation detailed
• 06:56 – Ethel fears Teddy might be taken away
• 07:49 – Decision to call the vet
• 09:00–10:10 – Albert's phone call to Mrs. Spitterbock
• 11:38 – The real story revealed by Mrs. Fraley
• 12:37 – Reflection on Mrs. Spitterbock’s loneliness
• 12:59–13:08 – Plan to invite Mrs. Spitterbock for dinner

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Conclusion and Tone

True to its gentle comedic roots, this episode of "Ethel and Albert" transforms a neighborhood dispute into a moment of empathy and connection. The Arbuckles’ approach—balancing responsible concern, humor, and ultimately neighborly outreach—highlights the show's signature blend of domestic warmth and wit.

Tone: Light, humorous, domestic, with an undertone of compassion and social observation.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

The Private Lives of Ethel and Albert Starring Peg lynch and Alan Bunce. The small trivial things that happen in the routine of everyday life are familiar to every household and every family. And it's these small things, these bright spots in the daily routine that make up the Private Lives of Ethel and Albert. We'll join Ethel and Albert in just a moment. Today the fact must be squarely faced that racial and religious prejudice does exist in our country and that it threatens to lower our international prestige as well as hamper our post war production. Yes, and what makes the danger of group prejudice especially acute at the present time is that many real problems now confront the American people. Problems of housing, of job openings for returning veterans, of strikes, shortages and the rising cost of living. Everyone is naturally seeking the causes and cures for their own troubles. And justice happened so successfully in Nazi Germany. It would be an opportune moment for the scapegoat technique to be applied by some power crazed individuals. You know, that's the method of blaming our national or our personal ailments on some minority group. They would find support among those who, in contempt of what our nation stands for, would fall for prejudice appeals. This sort of activity definitely weakens America. It puts America in a bad light as far as international relations go and it hinders production and reconversion at home. We must all help fight intolerance of groups other than our own by refusing to hear talk antagonistic toward them and by not spreading their type of talk. In addition, work in your community, at church, at business or at school to promote the principles of racial and religious freedom that America was built upon. And now, the Private Lives of Ethel and Albert. It's dinner time in the Arbuckle household. We find Albert just coming up the front walk.

[B]

Albert.

[A]

Yeah, papises? What's going on?

[B]

Come on, get in quick.

[A]

What?

[B]

Hurry up. Get in here.

[A]

What is going on? Do I lock this gimlet? I am in a rushed in.

[B]

I'm so glad you got here. I'm absolutely going crazy. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to put him. And I thought Come on, come on. Come on. Come on upstairs. Will you come?

[A]

Well, I'm coming, but it's getting to be like a movie. What has happened?

[B]

Come on, come on.

[A]

What exactly is going on? Would you mind, really?

[B]

We've got a problem. I'll tell you.

[A]

Well, hello, pumpkins. Well, hello, Yeti.

[B]

Come here. Come here. Be quiet now. Be quiet. Well, hello.

[A]

Where's my baby? How's Ms. Susie, huh? Honestly, what are you all doing locked up here in the bedroom?

[B]

Susie, calm down now. Susie, honey, come here.

[A]

Come here, honey. Come on, sit on Daddy's lap. Yeah, Teddy, come here. Everybody going crazy around here. Come on, out with it, will you?

[B]

Well, I'll tell you.

[A]

All right, Susie, all right. No, dear, I can't understand you, and I want to hear what your mother's got to say. Now, be quiet.

[B]

Well, it happened just before you got home about an hour ago, and I've just been going wild. I called your office and Ms. Whitaker said you'd gone. And then you didn't get home and didn't get.

[A]

Well, I had to go around to the printers.

[B]

Well, I didn't know what to do, so I just got Teddy in the house and locked the door. I thought if the police rang the doorbell or anything that I just wouldn't answer. I don't think they can break in a place, do you?

[A]

Police.

[B]

Well, she said she was going to call them, or she had called Mrs. Ritterbach.

[A]

What's eating her?

[B]

Teddy.

[A]

What?

[B]

She called up all excited and said that Teddy bitter.

[A]

Oh, for the love of my. She said, teddy bitter.

[B]

It isn't anything to laugh about. Yes, she said he bit her. And she called up and she was all excited and I couldn't believe my ears.

[A]

Well, for Pete's sakes, Teddy wouldn't bite anybody, let alone.

[B]

That's what I told her. And she said he definitely bit her. And naturally I got scared and I said, well, are you hurt badly? And she said he broke the skin and her ankle was bleeding and she could prove it to the police because there was the evidence right there.

[A]

Oh, that old troublemaker for Peter.

[B]

Makes me just sick. You know how good Teddy is. He wouldn't bite anybody, and he is so good.

[A]

Now, now, now.

[B]

And it just.

[A]

Will you stop weeping? You'll have Susie starting now. For gosh sakes, Susie.

[B]

You little mocking.

[A]

Yeah, but why on earth. Why did Teddy bite her?

[B]

He didn't bite her, you know, he wouldn't bite any. All right.

[A]

Or why did he allegedly bite her?

[B]

She didn't say. She said she Was working in her garden when suddenly she turned around and there Teddy was growling at her. And she was so frightened. And before she could scream for help. Scream for help? Honestly, Teddy had rushed upon her and bitten her ankle.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

That's what she said. And furthermore, she said. Furthermore. She said Teddy was a dangerous, vicious animal to have around a neighborhood. And that she considered it her duty to report him to the police before he killed someone.

[A]

She must have been kidding.

[B]

She was not kidding, Albert.

[A]

Oh, congratulations, Teddy. There isn't anybody in this neighborhood who doesn't know that Teddy is scared of his own shadow. You know what a coward Teddy is.

[B]

Now, Albert, maybe he's not awfully bright, but he's awfully sweet and good.

[A]

If anybody even looks cross at teddy, he runs six bucks.

[B]

Well, I told Mrs. Spitterbach all that, and she said he was probably ill. He might have whatever dogs have when they run around biting people.

[A]

Teddy, come here. Come here. Come on. Come on. Now, look. Look at that tail. You've been over biting Mrs. Spitterbach, have you? Look at that tail wagging. If the truth of the matter were known, it was probably Mrs. Spitterbach who bit Teddy.

[B]

We've got to do something. This is not a laughing matter. Albert, I'm afraid she's called the police. They may be here. Do you think that.

[A]

Think what, dear?

[B]

I just couldn't have to get rid of Teddy. I know he is an awfully bright. But he's a sweet dog and he's just.

[A]

Listen, will you? Nothing has happened yet. And Teddy looks as healthy and as lazy as ever. I still don't understand why you're hiding here in the bedroom.

[B]

Well, I thought they might come and take Teddy.

[A]

Well, darling, if they're going to come and take Teddy, they'll take him whether he's in the living room or up here in the bedroom. And hiding like this would certainly convince them that Teddy was guilty.

[B]

Oh, yes, I suppose it was. I was so rattled, I couldn't even think. Well, what are we gonna do?

[A]

Well, we can't just ignore it. Now, honey, if anything is wrong with Teddy, we've got to find out about it.

[B]

Oh, look at him. He's perfectly normal.

[A]

I know, dear, I know. But with Susie, we can't afford to take chances. Other children around the neighborhood too. Now, I don't know what the first thing to do.

[B]

Let's get downstairs. If the police do come, I don't want them to think we. We think Teddy is guilty. I think we better act as though nothing had happened.

[A]

Honey, we cannot act as though nothing has happened. You have a dog that's bitten somebody. You gotta look into it.

[B]

Teddy wouldn't bite anybody. He won't even chew his meat unless we cut it up for him. You know how he is.

[A]

Ah, come, Come on. Let's get downstairs. That's the first move. Come on, Susie. Yeah, you too, Teddy. Come on.

[B]

Come on. I did think that perhaps just to be on the safe side, we could call the dog hospital out here and take Teddy out. It's been a long time since he had a checkup.

[A]

Yeah, it's a good idea. Come on. Come on, Teddy.

[B]

I mean, just sort of routine things, you know.

[A]

Yeah, I know. Blood count. Get his cheek, chest X ray and.

[B]

Silly, you know what I mean?

[C]

Anyhow, I think what I'd better do.

[A]

First is call Mrs. Spock.

[B]

Yeah, I suppose.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Might as well do it. What's her number? Do you know?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Oh, we'll look it up. Will you, honey? Hurry up.

[B]

Where's the phone book? Here it is. S yeah. Oh, S. S, S, S, S, S, P, S. Oh.

[A]

Up. Right away. Just a minute, please. I'm sorry.

[B]

Geneva operator.

[A]

8845 Geneva. That's right. Thank you.

[B]

I really don't understand it. I was so mad at her when she called. Oh, I was nice. But I certainly told her that Teddy's not a biting dog. Now, if it had been that Kindle dog, I wouldn't put anything past that dog. I'm scared of him myself.

[A]

Oh, honey, that dog's all right. He just looks vicious. Matter of fact, he's very good natured dog. Hello? Oh, Mrs. Spitterbot. Oh, this is Albert Arbuckle. Yeah, I understand that. Yes, well, we've never had any complaints before. I see, I see. And I understand that you've called the police and complained. Oh, I see. I, I, I see. She hadn't called him yet.

[B]

She hasn't.

[A]

Well, you didn't by any chance throw anything at Teddy, did you, Mrs. Brittabaugh? Uh huh. He just attacked you for no reason. Sneaked up on you. I see.

[B]

Oh, sneaked up on him.

[A]

Well, now, under the circumstances, I feel that you're perfectly right, Mrs. Fritovo. Call the police. By all means. You do whatever you want. We're going to have Teddy examined. And now you understand that we'll fight this thing. We really can't afford it. But if it comes to a court case, I feel sure that we'll win. And we are prepared to fight. I want you to know that Teddy means a lot to us. And. And of course, if you lose, you know that you'll pay for the court costs and my wife and I have discussed it and. Oh no, no, no indeed. I just want you to know the fact. I'm not trying to intimidate you. I just felt. Hello? Hello?

[B]

Did she hang up?

[A]

Yeah, forever.

[B]

What was all that about going to court?

[A]

Honestly, honey, now don't worry about it. Stop worrying. Stop worrying. There' than meets the eye. Why didn't she call the police? She told you she was going to. Well, I was just talking. She doesn't want to make a big fuss that. I tell you what, I'm going out and browse around the neighborhood and see if anybody saw this happen. In the meantime, honey, how about wrestling me up a little dinner, huh?

[B]

Oh, yes, dinner.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

As a matter of fact, I have a pork roast in the oven. I better go look at it.

[A]

Okay, that'll be fine. Look, I'll be back in a little while, honey. No, no, no, Teddy, no. Now you stay there.

[B]

You'll be back. Come on, dear. I think I'll call the dog hospital. In any case in the. Make an appointment for Teddy.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Honey, dear, life gets so complicated. Darling, please be quiet. Mommy can't hear now. Hello, canine clinic? Dr. Kramer, this is Mrs. Albert Arbuckle. I was wondering if I could bring Teddy out for a checkup or whatever you call it. Yes. Uh huh. Well, are you all filled up or should I reserve a box for him?

[A]

All right, stop worrying. He didn't bite her.

[B]

Hold on just a minute. What?

[A]

Everything is okay. Who you talking to?

[B]

I was making an appointment for Teddy. Hello? Yes, Dr. Kramer. Listen, I'll call you back a little later. Goodbye. What do you mean he didn't bite Mrs. Spitterbach?

[A]

Mrs. Fraley was in her garden and she saw the whole thing. She says Teddy wasn't even on Mrs. Spitterbach's property. But she was afraid he was going to run in her flower bed. So she yelled at him and he barked and then she sort of kicked him.

[B]

Kicked? She kicked Teddy. We ought to call the police. Isn't there fine against cruelty to animals?

[A]

No, no, no, Let me think. She didn't get. She sort of kicked at him and lost her balance and fell and apparently scraped her ankle and that is how it all happened.

[B]

Oh, for heaven's sakes. Now why do you suppose she called me and started to make trouble?

[A]

I don't know. I don't know. What does she do now that Mr. Spitterbox is she just lives there.

[B]

Keeps house herself. Come to think of it, not many people come to see her either. I don't believe she has any relatives. Sister in California or something.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

She's an old fuss budget, though. She complains about everybody in the neighborhood. Little Mary Burke picked a daisy one day. And I wish you could have heard the fuss Mrs. Spitterbach raised.

[A]

Yeah. Maybe we haven't been as neighborly as we might have been.

[B]

No, I guess we haven't, dear. Maybe she's been lonesome. I guess nobody's paid much attention to her.

[A]

You thinking what I'm thinking?

[B]

I guess we've been married so long we read each other's minds, honey. All right. There's enough for dinner. I have a large pork roast. Shall I call her up?

[A]

No, I'm going over there and get her.

[B]

Maybe she won't come when I turn.

[A]

On the old Arbuckle charm. Say, listen. By the time Mrs. Spark has been over here for a nice dinner. She'll be sitting around afterwards holding Teddy on her lap.

[B]

I'll bet she will at that, honey.

[C]

Well, it seems that Teddy has done his good deed for today. Say, if you were asked to name America's foremost pianist. As far as popular music is concerned, chances are you'd reply Eddie Duchin. Before the war, his popularity was overwhelming. And since his wartime hitch in the Navy. During which he participated in three invasions. He's again ascending the heights of public acclaim. If you'd like a sample of some of that Duchen artistry at the keyboard. Listen to his sparkling new musical show on the air over most of these ABC stations. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoon. Not only will you hear his brilliant talents. Which have won for him the admiration of Sergei Rachmaninoff. But also his personal charm. As he exchanges patter with a rising young songstress. You see, each week Eddie selects a gal singer. He thinks will go far in show business. And presents her as a guest star on each of the week's programs. Giving her an opportunity to display her singing wares to a vast radio audience. Yes, Eddie Dutchen's show sizes up to be a mighty pleasant interlude. These summer afternoons. When it's heard over most of these same ABC stations. The Private Lives of Ethel and Albert come to you each weekday at this same time. The show is written by Peg lynch, who plays the part of Ethel. Albert is played by Alan Bunce. The program is produced by Bob Cotton. This is abc, the American Broadcasting Company.